Work Text:
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
That was his answer to all of her questions, few that she had.
No, that was untrue. She had many questions. Hundreds if not thousands of them, just none she felt comfortable asking.
For now, she stuck to the basics. “Do you need anything?”
Tony marched up the front porch ahead of her, arm once again out of the sling. “Nope.”
“Are you sure?” She hated to push him, but…
“I got my cheeseburger and my press conference,” he said, typing in the door code. “I’m good.”
“I can stay over tonight.”
“You mean you weren’t doing that already?”
Damn, he was good. Amazing how a man with such little self-awareness as Tony Stark could read everyone around him like a book. Either that, or he’d spotted her jacket draped over the couch and her slippers by the fireplace.
“I just mean that I’m here if you need anything,” she said.
“So you’ve told me several times now.”
“Because it’s true.”
“I’m fine,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
‘So you’ve said,’ Pepper thought.
She’d worked for Tony Stark long enough to know this was just how he was. Even before Afghanistan, sentimentality simply wasn’t in his nature. Not if it didn’t involve robots or car engines anyway. On one hand, it was nice knowing that the trauma he’d endured hadn’t completely broken his spirit.
On the other hand, he just spent three months in captivity kept alive by a car battery.
Entering the kitchen, she gathered everything she needed to make mango pineapple smoothies. They were his favorite non-alcoholic drink and he always said Pepper made them best. While she cut up the fruit, Tony mindlessly browsed the internet.
”Over five thousand emails, ” he hummed, tapping the mouse pad. “Gonna have to answer those.”
“I’ll take care of it,” Pepper said.
“Gonna have to talk to the board of directors about the shutdown.”
“I can handle that, too.”
He raised an eyebrow. “It’s not you who made the decision. They’ll want to hear it from me.”
“They’ll understand if you can’t-”
“I can , Pepper,” Tony snapped. “Stop treating me like a sick kid!”
“I’m just trying to help you- dammit!” The knife nicked her fingertip, dripping blood all over the counter. Pepper sucked it into her mouth, absorbing the sting with a clench of her fist.
Tony stood half off the seat, arms outstretched. He was frozen, as if unsure what to do or if he should act at all. In the end, he relaxed as Pepper dried off her finger and wrapped a bandage around it. They were in the bottom drawer by the sink. He didn’t have to tell her. She knew the whole place by heart.
“No, you’re right,” he sighed, sitting back down. “I’m sorry, I… I’ll write up something you can give them or we can video chat. I don’t know, I’ll talk to Obie.”
“Right, Obie,” Pepper muttered. She didn’t want to tell him that Obidiah had basically given him up for dead less than a week after he was captured. He didn’t need to hear that.
“Thank you for everything,” he said.
She nodded. “I’m always happy to help you, Tony.”
“Yeah,” he nodded back.
“And I’m here if you need me. I won’t go home for a few more days.”
“Fine.”
That was the end of the conversation. They drank their smoothies in silence and then Tony went to bed at eight o’clock for the first time in his life. Pepper heard him in the bathroom as she changed into her pajamas. Their rooms were adjoining. It had been Tony’s suggestion when he first built the house since it would be easier for them to coordinate important meetings on nights she stayed over. The walls were built with a thick steel frame, but tonight they were paper thin. He was soon in bed and snoring, louder than Pepper remembered. She listened for a few seconds, then turned over and placed a pillow over her head.
‘Good luck sleeping tonight,’ said a rude voice in her ear.
An hour later, she was still tossing and turning. Every few seconds it was something else. The temperature in her room wasn’t regulated, the waves were too loud, the mattress wasn’t firm enough on one side. She was ready to drag her blankets into the living room and sleep there. As if that would be any better.
Laying on her back, Pepper stared at the ceiling. It might’ve been that all her reasons for not relaxing were just excuses. Her mind was so full of thoughts, of questions and scenarios for how tomorrow would go, that she wouldn’t close her eyes for a week. There was just too much to do, too much to say, too much to worry about.
She jolted upright. At first, she thought it was the house settling or her imagination playing tricks on her. Concentrating on the sound, it soon grew deeper and more human-like. A moan. It sounded like someone in pain.
Pepper was out of bed and at the door in seconds. “Tony?” She knocked twice, but the moaning didn’t stop. “Are you okay?”
Seconds felt like hours. He didn’t respond. Maybe he couldn’t. Then he let out a scream and Pepper flew through the door into his room. He was thrashing around in bed, eyes scrunched shut. Words bursting from his lips were unintelligible, just frenzied calls for help as he fell further into his nightmare.
“Tony!” Pepper grabbed his shoulders, struggling to hold him still. “It’s okay!”
“Stop,” he gasped, sucking in air like he’d been dunked underwater. “Stop. Please stop. Please stop. Please-”
“It’s okay, Tony. I’m here. It’s Pepper. Can you hear me?”
“Pepper… Pepper…” Tears flowed as she had never seen before. Not even on the anniversary of his parents’ death did he cry. “Just… want to see you… Pepper…”
“I’m not going anywhere, Tony, I promise.” She got into bed with him, holding him as his spasms eased. “You’re safe with me, okay?”
Even as he relaxed, he couldn’t stop shivering. The terror may have ended but the pain would never really go away. She knew that, and she accepted it. She couldn’t do much, but she’d do all she could.
“Pepper…” he mumbled one last time as he drifted off again.
Nothing will have changed tomorrow. Pepper would be gone before he woke up and she wouldn’t say anything about this at breakfast. She’d remind him that she was there for him if he wanted to talk, reiterating the point when he inevitably said no and then dropping it. If he had another nightmare tomorrow night, they’d repeat the whole process again.
That would be their life for the next few weeks, whatever Tony chose to do next.
But that was okay, because he was safe with her, and he always would be. That was all that mattered.