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Velma doesn't know how she fell in love with her best friend from online, she just knows that it happened. Velma's had a lot of online friends (but very few offline ones), Velma's had a lot of crushes (online and offline), but Velma's never had a girlfriend. She's never been called beautiful by anyone, and why would she be? She's always seen herself as too much. Too fat, too awkward, too ugly, too scarred. All by her own doing.
When she met her for the first time, it was on one of the less dark corners of the internet. It was on an online music community. An interlude from the witchcraft and the fighting and the drama and the encouragement to inflict pain on yourself and others. Velma was always shy about posting her music online, but she loved listening to other people's songs, and she was particularly drawn to one artist. She'd actually recognized her from the witching community, but she never talked to her before. She scrolled through her profile, listening to one of her albums as she read her profile information.
Location: Saint-Marie, France.
So she lived all the way across the sea.
Velma kept going back to the girl's social media profiles. She was an amazing acapella singer, just like Velma. She was self-taught, just like Velma. She struggled with a lot of things, just like Velma.
Velma saw the girl's face for the first time when she watched a video of a concert that she'd done. She was absolutely beautiful. She was significantly bigger than Velma, and she had the prettiest overbite. The girl shook as she stood on the stage and sang, and Velma shook as she sat on her floor and watched the performance from her screen.
Velma kept it a secret for awhile. She didn't talk about the girl to anyone, and she definitely didn't want to open up about the crush that she was developing on her. She didn't even reach out to the girl herself, instead choosing to pine from afar.
Then one day, Velma posted a photo of her with her tarot cards. She hated the way she looked and she hated posting selfies, so she figured that she'd probably delete the picture within a few days' time. But then she got a comment from the girl.
I love your smile! You're absolutely gorgeous, Velma!
Velma didn't know why she was surprised when the girl used her name - it was plastered all over her social media profiles, so it's not like it was private information. But for some reason the comment made her tremble. What a fool she was.
At some point, the two of them started to talk to each other regularly. They'd get to listen to each other's music before anyone else heard it, and they'd try to keep each other away from harmful communities. This didn't always work for Velma, because at least a harmful community was a community. She'd be alone otherwise, with no one except for the girl. The girl, who told Velma that there was still joy inside of her as long as she trusted her heart. The girl, who was the only person to talk to Velma that actively discouraged her from hurting herself, rather than encouraging it.
Until Velma got an email from somebody named "Saul" inviting her to a support group that him and his wife ran. It was for internet and technology addicts, and it took place inside some "E Goostman Faith Center." When Velma googled Saul and his alleged Faith Center, she found nothing, so she assumed it was a troll and deleted the message. Saul contacted her again the next day, insisting that it was real, as long as she went out looking for it. That night, she read the email to her friend over a video call, and the friend insisted that she should go. It was time for Velma to see the light in herself, rather than just the shadows.
On the days leading up to the meeting, Velma went offline completely, unless she wanted to text her friend. It was almost impossible, which was all of the proof needed. She had to go. Still, she was nervous when the day of the meeting finally arrived. She left her apartment and walked around aimlessly, still not expecting to find anything, even though she did want to. After several minutes of walking around, she found a church that she'd never noticed before.
She took the elevator down to the basement area, and she heard singing coming from the eighth room down. She stood outside the door for a minute, pulling her sleeves down as far as she could, not wanting anyone else in the group to see her shaking hands. Or her scars. Or her nails that had been bitten off. She took a deep breath before eventually opening the door to find seven other people singing a hymn about a forest. She took a seat next to one of them, who kindly pointed out what verse they were on. Velma sang, but very quietly.
After the song, each member of the group went around and talked about themselves. The woman who helped Velma with the song was someone that Velma had actually recognized, from a viral video. There was a guy who was addicted to Candy Crush and Cookie Clicker, despite the fact that his boyfriend kept encouraging him to cut back. His name was Henry, and Velma felt an instant connection to him. Saul's wife talked about her marriage. There was a woman addicted to online dating, a man addicted to porn, a conspiracy theorist, and someone who had met Saul in one of his God forms, thus causing a crisis of faith.
Velma had talked to Henry during a pause in the meeting, but she didn't know if she was ready to share her story. So she waited until the rest of the group was passed out on the floor thanks to Paula's tea, and spoke to the air. Or so she thought. She didn't realize until afterwards that the group had heard most of what she said. She shied away for the rest of the meeting, but Henry caught up with her before they all left the church.
"You're in love with her, aren't you?" he asked, fiddling with his hands and avoiding eye contact with Velma.
"I am. But she doesn't know. No one knew until today. She'll never feel the same way."
"No, I heard what you said about her. She has to feel the same way. I can tell."
Velma offered Henry a weak smile and told him that she'd see him next week. She called her friend as soon as she got home, filling her in on most of the meeting. Most.
It took several more meetings for Velma to get the confidence to confess to her friend, and it look lots of encouragement from her group. In fact, she didn't do anything until Karly announced that she deleted her dating apps and was now focusing on herself. Well, she was still aiming for a relationship - but it was with a woman that she knew in person and was already friends with. Velma couldn't help but notice that Jessica was staring at Karly throughout the whole meeting. Well, if they could do it, maybe she could too.
When she got home that day, she left a video message for her friend, then turned off her technology for the night. By the next morning, she'd almost forgotten about her video, but when she saw that she had several notifications she suddenly remembered it all. Her hands shook as she opened her messaging app, terrified of rejection.
I've felt the same way ever since we met.
Velma had never been happier.
The two of them had discussed meeting up in person before, but it became a much more serious plan now. Velma picked up another job in order to pay for her plane tickets, and her girlfriend started taking on as many gigs as possible. Even the Friends Of Saul pitched in, until they finally had enough money.
Henry drove Velma to the airport to see her off. He'd never seen her so happy and nervous in his life. Velma was talking a mile a minute, alternating between happily flapping her hands and nervously pulling at the charm bracelet that her girlfriend had sent her. She was practically in tears by the time her and Henry had to part ways.
"What if she changes her mind? What if she only loves me from behind a screen?" Velma asked.
Henry was quick to reassure her. "She loves you so much, Velma, and not only on the internet. All the time."
Still, Velma was nervous throughout her entire flight right up until the plane landed. She sent her girlfriend a quick text before sitting down on a bench outside the airport. What if she'd travelled across the sea only to be rejected?
And then she saw her.
She was wearing the same outfit that she'd worn in the first video that Velma had ever seen of her. She ran to Velma, and Velma wanted to run back, but she was frozen in place. She realized she was a fool for ever thinking that this love was one-sided or conditional.
The first thing that Velma did was kiss the girl's scarred wrist, just like she'd always promised that she'd do. She didn't realize that they were both crying until they were in the car, sitting in silence before driving back to the girl's house.
"You're even more beautiful in person, Velma," the girl told her.
And Velma believed her.