Work Text:
Shepard has never been a fan of the idea of “living in the moment”. She likes to plan ahead and learn from the past. She likes to be prepared. Truth is, she just never had anything to stay “in the moment” for. Her life has been a steady progression forward even before she became a spectre and she hasn’t gotten any rest since.
Until Garrus that is. He gives her something she wants to stop for. When she wakes up next to him all she wants to do is stay in the moment forever, freeze time and never leave. She can’t, of course and so every time she looks at him and wishes she could stop time she commits it to memory. And then, when everything sucks and it feels like the universe is collapsing around her she goes through the moments.
-
She didn’t want to stop time when it actually happened, but if Shepard could travel back in time to any moment in her life it would be the first time she met Garrus. She’d look at herself, not a Spectre, but an optimist and idealist, who hadn’t yet died and she’d look at Garrus softer and without the scar on his face. They were different people back then and she regrets not knowing him better before everything changed.
Sometimes, when she looks at him now, she sees the way he looked then. Every now and then she even thinks she can see the person he once was. Shepard loves him the way he is now, of course, but she can’t help but wonder what would have happened if they had loved each other before she died and he went to Omega, if it would have changed anything.
-
She still remembers to pure euphoria she felt at seeing him on Omega. She hadn’t been that happy in a long time. It was a weird moment. Everything had already gone to shit at that point, but neither one of them knew just how much and it was just so fucking good to see him again.
One evening Liara asks Shepard what her happiest memory is. Shepard thinks about it, then replies “Being reunited with Garrus on Omega probably. It just made everything feel right again.”
“Wow”, Liara nods “That’s strong.”
“Yeah”
“Also, in the middle of a battlefield. Which is so incredibly on brand for the two of you I can’t even begin to describe it.”
Shepard laughs at that.
-
The first time she actually thought to herself “I want to freeze this moment” was before they went through the Omega 4 Relay. It was also the first time she woke up next to him and in that moment Shepard knew she loved him. She only told him much later, but she loved him ever since that first time.
She doesn’t talk to others about that, it’s far too personal, but she does tell Garrus about it. He smiles. “That’s really early.”
“I suppose”, she shrugs. “When did you know?”
“A few hours after, when we were back on the Normandy and you found out everyone made it. You were so happy in that moment is was impossible not to love you.”
“Hmmm”, she rests her head against his shoulder and he immediately puts an arm around her. “Took both of us some time to actually say it.”
“We’re making up for it now, I think.”
-
She thinks about Menae a lot, what she would have done if he hadn’t been there. Shepard brings it up to Ashley once and, to her surprise, earns a laugh.
“Of course you would ask yourself that. It’s obvious to everyone but you.”
Shepard draws her brows together. “Is it?”
“Yeah”, Ashley grins “You would have landed on Palaven and dragged him out of there.”
“Probably”, Shepard laughs herself. “I would have done that for every single one of you though. After Kaidan…”
“I know”, Ashley’s joy disappears in an instant. “We have lost a lot of good people along the way.”
“Yeah”
-
Omega might be her happiest memory, but the top of the Praesidium is her favourite. She still remembers the way Garrus declared it his favourite spot, the joy in his voice and how for just a minute she forgot the war and everything around them. She loved him so much right there that for that one brief minute there was nothing but them.
He took her hand afterwards, when they were walking back to the Normandy. He asked her to promise to survive, to return to him whatever happened and she made him promise the same. It wasn’t a wedding but to them it might as well have been.
-
These moments will never be in the history books. They aren’t part of the story of Commander Shepard, the first human spectre. But to her, to just Shepard, they are the most important. She doesn’t want to know what would have happened or who she would be in a universe without Garrus, a universe where she never learned to stop.
Their love for each other shapes them, shapes their stories and she wouldn’t have it any other way.