Chapter Text
Brian sat in his studio, slouching; flipping through old photo albums, looking for pictures of him and Nick. He was already packed, just waiting for Leighanne to finish so that they could head to the airport, and trying to find inspiration for the wedding speech that wasn't writing itself.
He heard Leighanne yell something, but his gaze traveled back to the pictures he had never been able to throw away. They were so happy, weren't they?
He sighed. It's not as if Lauren makes Nick as happy as he was back then.
"Not when it was me, " he thought. "He deserves better; he deserves to be happy."
"Oh, shi- crap!" Brian corrected himself, even mentally. Was he really thinking of doing what he was thinking of doing?
His gaze flitted back and forth between the album and a wedding photo of him and Leighanne, hanging on the wall.
"It's too late for me, but Nick can still escape."
#
"Husband, let's post a selfie for our fans!"
Brian didn't even have the time to stash his boarding pass before her phone was shoved in front of him, followed by the artificial click of the phone camera and Leighanne's sweet, too sweet, aroma clinging to the air around him. He just had one second to see himself in the photo, before Leighanne turned around and started uploading it, but something caught his attention; he had been happier, too, in those old photos with Nick, much happier.
Pushing that out of his mind — "I've not dealt with that for 14 years; I can survive another 2 days." — his resolve strengthened to break up Nick and Lauren. "At least one of us can be happy."
"How am I gonna do it?" His eyes went back to Leighanne, as the flight attendant told her to put away her phone for take-off. "This sure would be easier without her here."
#
The plane always put Leighanne to sleep; thank God.
He sipped a glass of wine, his mind focused, for once, on something other than the drum-beat of never-ending anxiety in his chest.
Should he say something? Perhaps he should try the never-old "You can't marry her!" speech that would add the drama that Nick loved so much? Nah, not his style. Should he just waltz into his room and kiss him?
Wait. He wasn't supposed to think about that. The plan was only supposed to be about breaking Nick and Lauren up.
He shouldn't kiss Nick.
He was just going to sit him down and … and what, exactly? Nothing came up, so his mind escaped into reminiscing about how Nick's lips felt upon his, those tiny sounds of pleasure that would escape Nick's lips every time they kissed.
He pulled out his phone again and looked for a specific photo, one of his favorites. Thank God for the fans; they save everything.
He stared at the red lips, the blue eyes. As he brought the wine glass to his lips, he could be forgiven for thinking it wasn't cold glass, but warm flesh. His mind drifted back to the occasion the picture was taken.
It had been summer, somewhere in Europe, months and months into a tour that had seemed endless. The band had managed to negotiate for just one day off and, as it always happened back in the day, he and Nick had decided to go somewhere and be together, just the two of them.
"Hey, Bri, look!"
Brian had opened his eyes, so very comfortable and at peace, leaning against Nick. "What?"
The sun had fallen right on Nick's face, the light shining in his blue eyes, almost as radiant as the light that shone out of them as Nick smiled.
"Look how red my lips are after that Popsicle!"
Brian had tried to swallow but no, his breath had caught in his throat, in his lungs, and the need to kiss those lips had been strong — so strong.
Brian had pulled out the camera, to put some distance between them. Snap! Snap!
Brian looked at the picture again and saw Nick's bright smile, the one he didn't have to fake. He'd do anything to see that smile again; to go back in time and kiss him, have more time with him.
He squirmed in his airplane seat. "It's not gonna do to think about what I can't have."
He put his phone down and stared out the window and tried to think about the plan.
"How did Lauren get such a hold on him?!"
Were they really in love? Brian had seen Nick in love, and he had seen Nick trying to fake love for the sake of it. He knew the difference between the two and, well, would someone who was really in love make a reality show about their wedding? Who would, if not someone who needed to prove something to themselves?
Maybe that was it. Maybe the whole relationship was Nick trying to prove something.
Okay, okay. This made sense, but what was Nick trying to prove, and to whom? He's an adult? He's a better person now? What does Nick want?
Like a tiny Christmas light, an idea blinked on inside Brian's head: Nick wanted approval, love. His approval, his love! As messed up as their relationship had been, Brian was still also a parental figure to him, and Nick wanted his father to be proud of him, and was doing what he thought would get him that love.
Brian saw it now in everything about this relationship: the publicity, Lauren's gender, the talk of children so soon! Brian himself even thought of what he had already planned to say to him in the speech: how proud he was of Nick, how happy he was that Nick had escaped his troubled past.
The plan became clear: he needed to convince Nick that he had earned his love, even without Lauren; that Brian was proud of the man he had become, and suddenly she wouldn't be needed, anymore!
Brian couldn't help but smile. The plan was just perfect. Everything would go perfectly and Nick was going to be happier than he had been in a long time.
There were just a few tiny details to be decided. When? When would be the perfect moment for his little speech? And where? They needed to be alone and without cameras following them. That last part could be a little bit hard to arrange.
His reverie was interrupted by the landing procedure. He shook Leighanne awake and thought, "Well, I guess I'll just have to figure this out as I go."
#
Leighanne and Brian arrived at the seaside hotel. He laughed, "Well, Nick obviously had some say in the plans!"
As they checked in, all around them men bustled with tables and flowers. He only had a few hours, less than 24, to convince Nick.
"Speak of the devil." The old cliché popped in his head as Nick came bounding up to them both in the lobby.
"You came!" Nick exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Brian's body.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" Brian replied, lingering, leaning a little bit into the hug with the excuse of patting Nick's back.
Nick pulled back a little, his hands still on Brian's shoulders. "Reality shows aren't your thing."
"But it's my Frack's wedding. I couldn't miss it." Brian also didn't miss the way Nick's eyes lit up when he heard the nickname they last used a long time ago.
"We couldn't miss it." Leighanne interjected, dividing the two men and placing a possessive hand on Brian's arm.
Brian decided this was going to take more than just one big speech to get through to Nick; he'd have to lay some ground work. Brian tried to get his attention again, lock his eyes with Nick's. He stepped into Nick's line of sight.
"Hey, bud; I'm so proud of you!" Brian thought he might have to repeat that sentiment a few times, if Nick was going to internalize it.
"Yeah, such a grown up thing to get married! We think it's so great that you have Lauren in your life!" Leighanne enthused, only a little sarcasm noticeable.
Brian's smile got a bit tighter and he inwardly stiffened. Leighanne wasn't helping, at all.
"Hey! Babe! Let's go get settled …"
"… and I can ditch you," he added inwardly.
Thankfully, it seemed as if someone was looking down on him. A shout coming from the the other side of the lobby caught Leighanne's attention; a group of women, Lauren included, were waving at her and soon she disappeared with them.
Leaving Brian and Nick alone.
"So …"
"So …" Nick looked around, taking in the preparations for the wedding around him, looking a little overwhelmed.
"Hey, I guess I still need to set settled, but Leighanne …" Brian looked around at their 4 suitcases for a 3-day trip. "Wanna help me back to to my room with these?"
"Sure!" Give Nick a purpose and he was always happy. A suitcase in each hand, Nick led the way to Brian's room.
The suitcases stowed on whatever horizontal surfaces they could find, the awkwardness returned.
"Uh, Brian …"
"Listen, Nick, I have something to say."
"I have something to ask you, too." Nick mumbled, looking much younger than he was.
"What is it?"
Nick looked around the room, then went to stand in front of the window, opening the curtains and letting in the light. He had wanted for Brian to have the best room available, one with an ocean view.
"I'm having trouble writing my vows."
Brian laughed. "Yeah, I can't figure out what to say for my speech either."
Nick was still serious. "Do you think it's a sign?"
Brian knew there was no one else he could ask. He had always been Nick's moral compass, the one that had always set the example for what was the right thing to do. Nick wanted to hear, from Brian, that marrying Lauren was the right thing to do.
Brian was torn and unsure, suddenly, about what to say. A voice told him the right thing was to reassure Nick; the right thing was to tell him that marriage, that marrying Lauren, was the best choice.
— But that wasn't what he had come here to do, was it? Nick thinks what he wants is reassurance, but Brian knew better!
"What do you think?" There was a softness to his voice; Brian dared to take a step forward.
A step closer to Nick.
He put his hand in the crook of Nick's elbow from behind, as Nick continued to stare out at the sea. It was hard for him to calm himself, standing so close to Nick, touching him when they were all alone, but Nick was a physical person, and he needed to make sure Nick knew he meant what he said. He took a breath and swung Nick around.
"I'm sorry, Nick; it's just wrong. You …"
The door latch jiggled and they jumped back a few feet from each other. Brian opened the door and let Leighanne in.
"You forgot to get me a key before you left," she said.
Brian only had a moment to notice the look of regret and sadness on Nick's face before Nick stepped out, and mumbled something in the hallway that Brian couldn't hear.
"Time to get dressed for the rehearsal dinner, hon," Leighanne reminded him.
#
The rehearsal dinner went … awful. That was the only word Brian could use. Oh, the food was good; there was laughter and jokes were told, but the tension never left his body.
He and Nick kept exchanging awkward looks over the table, looking away as soon as one of them got caught staring. Brian longed to finish what they had started earlier in his room, to clarify what he was saying, but fear of what it might mean if he were to follow through with his plan made him miss several opportunities to talk.
Why had Nick run away like that, anyway?
Many long hours after the dessert, when the dinner had become the party, Brian decided he needed to get out.
"Is something wrong?" Leighanne asked, a tiny bit of worry in her tone.
"Just need some fresh air."
"Try not to run away with one of the bridesmaids!"
It was supposed to be a joke, though Brian knew that jealousy had never been something to joke about for his wife. For just one second, a picture of Nick in a bridesmaid dress briefly flashed through his mind. He laughed, but his pants suddenly became a little tighter, too.
Shaking it off, he stepped out on the veranda. He looked up at the sky. A few stars manged to fight their way through the Southern California light pollution, and the moon was just peeking over the horizon. It was quiet, and breezy. He could breathe, and think, out here.
His head fell back. What, really, was he trying to do, here? He remembered Nick's hurt look when he thought Brian had been telling him to not question the marriage, and he noticed the surge of happiness that accompanied the thought in his own mind.
But it was wrong — it was, right? — to use this feeling of Nick's to break Lauren and Nick up, if he wasn't intending to follow through.
Either way, he had some things to clear up with Nick.
The door behind him emitted a brief blast of music before closing again. He turned to find Nick stumbling through the door, ready to pass out from drinking.
"Shit." Brian said to himself. Nothing good could come from Nick being that drunk.
"Frick. My Frick, " Nick slurred, almost falling against Brian, if Brian hadn't been ready to catch him. "I was looking for you."
Nick was drunk. Nick was so drunk that he couldn't even stand on his feet. Yet, the way he had said that name, "Frick," had sounded so full of something that wasn't drunkenness.
It sounded like affection. Deep affection.
"You're too drunk, Nick."
"I'm not. I have been sober for …" Nick tried to count on his fingers. " … well, a long time."
If Lauren was so good for Nick, why was he still drinking so much?
"I think we have different ideas of what 'sober' means." Brian stopped himself, and toned down his disapproval. "Anyway, we need to get you to bed."
Brian struggled with getting Nick moving forward and opening the door at the same time. He exchanged a look with Leighanne and rolled his eyes. Hopefully that would be enough of an excuse to buy him some time.
"I know! I know!" Nick slurred, "I have a big day tomorrow."
His voice dropped to almost a whisper, "… but I don't think I want to have a big day tomorrow, Frick."
The elevator opened, and Brian propped Nick up against the wall. "What floor are you on, Nick?"
"Three. No, two. Just press them both and we'll find it!" Nick laughed and settled back against the paneling.
Thankfully, it was on the first floor they looked at: a corner room that overlooked the mountains. Nick told Brian that when he moved into Lauren's suite tomorrow after the wedding, he'd have an ocean view.
Brian took Nick's arm off his shoulders and sat him down on the bed. He was about to go and get a glass of water when Nick took his wrist and stopped him.
"Please … don't go. Don't leave me alone." Nick seemed frantic.
"I just wanted to get you some water."
"You'll be back?"
"Yes."
"You're not going to disappear, like you always do in my dreams?"
It caught Brian off guard, hitting him right where it hurt the most. The weight of guilt settled in his stomach.
"No, I'm here." Brian just said, siting down next to Nick. He dared to reach out and run the fingers of his free hand through Nick's hair, soothing them both, lifting a little of the weight.
"I don't want to get married, tomorrow."
"It's okay to be afraid, Nick."
"No, no," Nick's voice raised up, desperation filling the silence. "I don't want to marry Lauren. She …"
"She what?"
"She's not the one."