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When Dean woke up to an empty bed, the panic set in and wouldn’t let up.
It was 4:00am in the morning and he was beyond exhausted, but for some reason, something woke him up. Call it hunter's instinct, or being a big brother, hell even being a new dad… regardless, he found himself waking in the middle of the night. He squirmed a bit to find a new position and go back to bed, but when he reached across the bed to pull Sam closer to his body… all he found were cold, empty sheets.
He sat up straight and immediately became alert. He jumped out of bed and pulled a shirt on before walking out of the room.
Don’t freak out , he told himself, he probably just went to get water or take a piss.
But he passed both bathrooms and they were both empty. So was the kitchen. He felt his heart rate skip and then speed up immensely in a matter of seconds.
“No, no, no, no…” He mumbled as he broke out into a sprint towards the end of the hallway. Sam must be in the nursery. He must be.
But when he reached the room, the door was wide open, the lights were turned off, and there was no Sam to be found. The nightlight was still turned on and just then a chill went all the way up Dean’s spine. He was hit in the face with a fear he’d never felt before in his life. Not even for his brother.
He ran to the crib and felt his heart plummet to the ground when he saw it was empty. There were blankets in a messy pile, but no baby to be seen. For a moment, he was paralyzed in fear.
He could feel the sweat drenching his skin, the throbbing of his own eyes, the ringing vibrating in his ears, and the thumping of his heart against his chest. His fingers curled into a fist, nails digging into his palm. He couldn’t hear his rapid breathing, but he could feel the oxygen flooding in and out of his lungs. Fear tortured his guts, churning his stomach in tense cramps. It overwhelmed his body, making it drastically exhausted. It felt like he was breathing through concrete and seeing through foggy glass. His eyes stung with tears. His entire life was taken from him. Everything he loved the most. His love, his baby… Suddenly, something else hit him.
The fear all but vaporized and changed into pure, animalistic rage . Adrenaline flooded his system, pumping and beating like it was trying to escape. It felt like his heart was going to explode with how fast and intensely it was pounding. He clenched his jaw and turned to look at the open door, eyes glaring and lips tight. If looks could kill…
Dean knew with everything in him that if someone had taken his Sammy and his little girl, they were dead .
He ran out the door. His adrenaline surged so fast he almost vomited. He could taste the saliva thickening in his throat and beads of sweat trickling down his brow.
He walked rapidly up the hallway again, pushing open every door and checking inside. With every false alarm, his heart beat grew faster. He cleared so many rooms that he started to feel sick to his stomach.
He kept moving until there was only one door left. Sam’s room.
Dean jogged up and when he reached the doorway, he froze.
All of the fear, the adrenaline, the worry… it all just faded away.
Because Sam was right there. Their baby was right there.
Dean’s entire body relaxed as he exhaled and leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He closed his eyes and breathed out in relief. He got his breathing back under control before reopening his eyes.
A watery smile creeped up his face, his eyes filling with tears as he took in the sight before him.
Sam was standing in front of his bed, back facing the door at such an angle that he couldn’t see Dean, but Dean could see him. The lamp on the left side of the bed was the only light source in the room, and it bathed Sam in a glowy yellow light that made him look absolutely beautiful. His hair was tucked haphazardly behind his ear and his chest was completely bare. When Dean listened closely, he could hear Sam humming a bit. His heart swelled when he recognized the melody of ‘Hey Jude’.
He trailed his gaze to the little bundle in Sam’s arms and he may as well have melted. Sam had a single strong arm wrapped around the length of their little girl’s back, holding her up to his chest, and the other hand was gently petting at her short, blonde curls. She was curled up tightly against Sam, eyes closed and long eyelashes resting against her puffy little cheeks. Her little hands were pressing on Sam’s pec, fingers all tiny and wrinkled. She was suckling at Sam’s nipple, so gently and silently it almost looked like she was asleep.
Dean could literally feel himself falling deeper in love with the two people he shared his life with.
Part of him wanted to say something. Or go kiss the living hell out of Sam and hold their girl. But the other, much bigger, part of him knew that interrupting the scene in front of him would be a ticket straight to hell. Plus, he really didn’t want to stop watching. Dean always knew Sam would be an amazing father. His compassion, his intelligence, his passion. Nevermind the sense of safety he naturally provides to anyone that comes close to him. Sam was a born caretaker, and their little girl only proved that more.
Dean let his head fall against the doorframe as he continued to watch his brother gently sway his upper body back and forth, rocking their baby slowly. He kept humming and running his long fingers over their baby’s tiny head. His brother was so big, yet so gentle with their child. Dean swore his heart was growing bigger by the second. This much happiness and love felt like it shouldn’t exist.
When Sam bent his head down a bit to press his lips to the top of their baby’s head, the first tear finally broke loose from Dean’s eye. He was not a crier. Not by any means. Not even close. But seeing the love of his life showing so much love and affection to his child, who he loved so much it felt dangerous… yeah, that did it. He just let the tears fall, not moving to wipe them away.
However, as Sam leaned back up from kissing their baby girl, he caught Dean out of the corner of his eye. Trance ended.
Sam didn’t look surprised at all, he just smiled and went back to rocking their baby girl like he didn’t see anything. Dean thought for a second maybe Sam didn’t see him after all, but he was proved wrong only moments later.
“How long have you been standing there?” Sam asked quietly, not looking up from the mostly sleeping baby in his arms.
Dean stepped into the room and sighed contently as he approached Sam. He carefully walked right up to his back and then wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist from behind, tucking his chin onto his broad shoulder so he could peer down at their girl. Sam tilted his head to rest against Dean’s as he repositioned his arm a bit to redistribute the baby’s weight on his forearm.
“Only a few minutes.” Dean answered honestly, mimicking Sam’s hushed tone. He kicked himself a bit for the way he sounded. There was definitely evidence of his emotions in his voice, his tone somewhat raspy. He just hoped Sam wouldn’t pick up on it.
But, of course…
“Are you okay?” Sam asked next, his eyebrows furrowed a bit as he took in Dean’s face through the corner of his eye.
Dean tilted his lips up subconsciously in a little smirk. God, he had never been more okay in his life. He dragged his chin back from Sam just enough to press a kiss to the back of his shoulder before moving it back to the crook of his neck.
“I’m way better than okay, Sammy.” He answered quietly, bringing a hand up to Sam’s chest and gently smoothing his thumb over their little one’s left hand.
“You were crying.” Sam pointed out, still looking down at their little one.
Dean laughed a little at how easy Sam found him out. In that moment, he wished there was a way for them to be closer. He wanted to melt right into Sam. Make him feel his love.
“I’m just really happy.” Dean answered truthfully, wrapping his arm tighter around Sam and continuing to stroke his baby’s hand.
“Me too.” Sam agreed easily, the tension in his body dissipating as he leaned his head back down against Dean’s.
They stood there for a moment before another question crossed Dean’s mind.
“How long have you been up? I woke up and the bed and nursery were both empty. I didn’t know…” He stopped himself. Now wasn’t the time for a guilt trip or remembering how desperate and heartbroken he felt minutes ago.
Sam winced just barely when their little girl decided to suck a little harder at his nipple, his skin pulling tight. He just readjusted her in his arms again and continued stroking her hair.
“Yeah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.” He started, voice so sincere and dreamy that Dean felt himself immediately calming down, “I woke up maybe half an hour ago ‘cause this one was balling her eyes out. I figured she needed to be fed. She wasn’t calming down, so I just started walking around with her. We just happened to be in here when she finally quieted down enough for me to feed her.”
Dean nodded in understanding before smirking a bit, “It smells like you in here. That’s probably what calmed her down.”
Sam laughed a little, “She’s not a dog, Dean.”
“Babies are weird, dude. Never know.” Dean shrugged before adding, “Your smell calms me down. Maybe she got it from me.”
Maybe Sam was supposed to roll his eyes, or nudge Dean for being so freaking cheesy. But all he could do was smile and gently tap their little girl’s nose as he hummed. He was just as awed and in love with their situation as Dean was.
Another few seconds passed and Dean knitted his eyebrows a bit as he watched their girl continue to suckle, “Little one’s got quite the appetite, huh?”
“Yeah,” Sam scoffed like he’d definitely thought about it before, “She got that from you too.”
Dean laughed, “Good, we’re not gonna have no scrawny kid.”
“Yeah, easy for you to say.” Sam teased, trying to pull her away from his nipple to see if she would willingly let go, but putting her right back when she continued to reach out for him, “You’re not the one that has to feed her.”
Dean could tell Sam was going for humor, but he didn’t find it very funny. Instead, he felt a twinge of guilt somewhere deep in his gut and a little bit of worry creep up his spine.
“Does it hurt?” He asked somewhat nervously, fearing the answer.
Sam was such a good sport, and he was a stickler about showing his pain. It was a Winchester habit to swallow down agony and deal with it by yourself. Sam was no exception. But luckily, Dean could read him like a book. That’s how he knew the answer to his question before Sam even replied. It was in the way he hesitated to respond. Those few extra seconds gave everything away.
“Nothing I can’t handle.” Was his simple reply, and then he laughed aloud just barely and added, “After labor, nothing really feels painful anymore.”
Dean knew he was just kidding around, but still… he couldn’t get over the fact that Sammy went through almost twenty hours of agonizing labor and was still experiencing pain from their kid two days later. And he hadn’t complained once (during labor soooo did not count). If Dean was on the other end of this, he’d be bitching at Sam left and right. His brother was fucking amazing.
“You amaze me, Sam.” He stated what he thought with absolute sincerity. He took his hand off of their girl to wrap his arms completely around Sam, hugging him tight.
“Shut up.” Sam answered with no heat to it at all, more like a laugh than a real threat.
Dean didn’t laugh one bit, he just snuggled in closer and confirmed, “I’m serious. You went through so much and you gave me -gave us- this little girl, and… I don’t know, man, you just… I love you so much.”
With that, he straightened out and leaned up to kiss Sam’s cheek, nuzzling his nose there for a moment afterward before returning his head to his shoulder.
Sam gave a small, emotional smile as he leaned down and nudged Dean with his head to get his attention. Dean straightened out in response, and Sam immediately took the opportunity to give Dean a real kiss. Their lips fit together like puzzle pieces as they moved gently against each other.
When they pulled away, they both felt nothing but pure bliss. Dean stared into Sam’s eyes as they pulled back from one another, afraid of breaking that contact. He melted into the earthy hues in Sam’s irises, and rejoiced in the way his pupils dilated because of him.
“You’re amazing too.” Sam whispered, their faces mere inches away from one another.
“For what?” Dean scoffed, “All I did was knock you up and then sit on my hands while you did all the heavy lifting.”
Sam shook his head, immediately denying, “No, you were my support system the whole time. You never wavered. Dean, I mean it. I wouldn’t have gotten through it all without you.”
Dean just nodded minutely, kissing Sam’s shoulder one more time and sighing happily into the smell of his brother’s chest.
“You know,” Sam broke the silence with a smile on his face, being the first to shift his gaze back to the baby in his arms, “Eventually we’re gonna have to call her something other than ‘little girl.’”
“I don’t know.” Dean sighed over exaggeratedly, “I think ‘little girl’ suits her pretty well.”
Sam laughed softly in return, and that sound was medicine that soothed every crack in Dean’s heart.
“I think she’s starting to let up,” Sam whispered after a few beats.
Dean watched as he gently pulled their girl away from his chest to see if she would willingly let go. This time, she did. In fact, she pushed gently against Sam’s peck with her little hand, turning her head away from his nipple. Sam sighed a bit in relief and shifted her in his arms so she was vertical against his chest, head over his opposite shoulder to Dean and arm wrapped under her butt.
“Hand me that towel.” Sam asked Dean quietly as he gestured to a washcloth he’d left on the end of his bed.
Dean nodded immediately and walked over to the bed to pick it up. He folded it once vertically and handed it to Sam, who took it with a small nod of appreciation and then tucked it over his shoulder on the side of their baby.
“Okay, sweetie.” He whispered as he started gently yet firmly patting their little one’s back, burping her. He continued to mumble little assurances like that. Dean didn’t even think he knew he was doing it.
Dean didn’t know how Sam knew when it was time to stop burping their kid, but apparently he did, because after a minute or so, he stopped. He removed the washcloth from his shoulder, grimaced just the tiniest bit at the spit-up that stained it, and threw it into the laundry basket by his door. Then he shifted the baby in his arms and turned to Dean.
“I think she’s calm, I’m gonna put her down.” He said, nodding his head towards the door. But then something crossed his face and he raised his eyebrows a bit and asked, “You wanna carry her?”
Dean raised his eyebrows in return, and his first instinct was YES! But something stopped him. He reached forward when Sam did to do the exchange, but pulled back at the last minute.
“You know what, you have such a great hold on her.” He told Sam truthfully, “I don’t wanna risk waking her up.”
Sam pursed his lips a bit and tilted his head like he was a little surprised, but not disappointed. He nodded and gestured to the door with his head, “Alright, come on then.”
Dean let Sam walk ahead of him all the way to the nursery. He watched with love in his eyes as Sam placed her down in the crib.
Once she was settled, Dean waited for Sam to turn to him so they could go back to their bedroom together. But he didn’t. He stayed there. Dean watched as something crossed over his face.
“What is it?” He asked softly as he approached Sam and looked down so they were both peering at their sleeping baby.
“Grace.” Sam said simply, no explanation.
“What?” Dean asked, confused.
“I like that name for her.” Sam clarified, reaching out to grasp Dean’s hand in his, “She may be the only one in this world that has ever made us feel that. Grace.”
Dean felt his eyes water at how utterly perfect that name was for her. He smiled softly and nodded, squeezing Sam’s hand.
“Grace Winchester.” He repeated softly, looking down at her and placing the name to her face, “It’s perfect.”