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“ugh, you’re so stupid jisung!”
“CHAN HYUNG!”
changbin was now used to hear this meaningless bickering going on with the younger members. usually it wouldn’t bother him much, but now more than ever it makes him feel so burdened.
recently, since he and hyunjin had started dating, he had been the subject of many of his boyfriend’s rants on how the other members have pissed him off or how cumbersome his life was. he really wanted to be a good boyfriend and listen intently to his worries; sympathising with his ‘pain’ when hyunjin brought it up but all he really wants to do in those kinds of moments is relax or actually catch a wink of sleep. once, hyunjin had even barged into the bathroom when changbin was in the shower and ranted to him there and it was getting on the elder’s nerves.
then it got worse when hyunjin started bragging about how good of a listener he was.
changbin was sitting on the sofa, finally feeling relaxed, podcast talking gently into his ears when all of a sudden, a door slams open and out come a sobbing hyunjin and a raging seungmin.
“you’re such a drama queen hyunjin! always wanting the center of attention!” seungmin yelled, obviously annoyed
“yeah, well at least i have someone that actually listens to me, RIGHT CHANGBIN HYUNG??!” changbin’s head whips up at the mention of his name and turns to look at the two quarrelling ‘00 liners. he sighs internally; he didn’t have the energy to be a part of this petty argument.
“what’s going on you two?” changbin answers, playing the oblivious card. hyunjin wipes his tears and smirks at seungmin.
“you listen to all my problems, don’t you hyung?” hyunjin asks evilly. changbin can tell from the look in the younger’s eyes that he won’t take no for an answer to this question.
“i gues-” hyunjin cuts him off before he can get the end of his word out.
“SEE! you have no one,” hyunjin shouts triumphantly and all seungmin can do is grit his teeth, turn on his heel and slam the dorm’s door behind him, locking it forcefully.
changbin inhales deeply; this is going to be a long night.
and a long night it was. changbin was there to not only hear hyunjin’s side of the argument, but seungmin’s also as the younger of the two knocks hesitantly on his hyung’s door and cries to his hyung about his worries, sobs wracking his body until he exhausts himself to the point of sleep in his hyung’s arms. changbin knew he’d have a storm coming the next day courtesy of hyunjin but tried not to think of it as he too attempted to fall asleep.
the next morning he finds out that hyunjin stayed in chan’s room for the night, not being able to face up to the harsh words that he insulted seungmin with for as much as he was a drama queen, he was still human and had a conscience of what is right and wrong. the two apologised the next morning over breakfast and both paid their dues for being mean to each other by cuddling together during the movie night they had that evening. however, as much as the argument resolving should’ve put changbin at ease, it made him more burdened than not.
changbin’s mind wondered wild; he thought anxiously about when the next time a one of these stupid clashes would occur and whether he’d be the one challenged yet again to sit and listen to the problems of others before tending to his own needs. not to get him wrong, he was by no means a selfish person, but the comeback had placed a lot of stress onto him; composing new songs, learning new choreography, working harder on his rapping and now his vocals. he had been physically and mentally exhausted after every day of practice and he couldn’t even have a night to himself because he shared a dorm with 7 other passionate boys.
~~
he was right in thinking that there would’ve been another dispute within the members. he was completely shocked however about the severity of the situation.
the two people who were the least likely to start a fight were in the midst of a spat with one another. stray kids’ two oldest members had fallen out with each other and everyone knew just from the atmosphere of the room when the two returned to the dorms that this wasn’t petty bickering. this had been a proper argument.
the two had very equal, yet opposite ways of dealing with the anger they had towards each other. chan would overwork himself; coming back late from the studio, waking up at ungodly hours a.m. so he could have extended hours at the gym and otherwise could be found crumpling up paper into balls to hurl at the wall. minho however became more reserved than his usual sassy self, in turn becoming more helpful; he’d clean up more, would aid the other members who were struggling with choreo and when he had free time, he’d be reading a book or listening to music in his room.
the tension between the two could be cut with a sharp knife and this worried changbin and added to his stress. with the two eldest members being at odds with each other, changbin was the next oldest meaning the younger ones came to him when they needed help with something, in the fear that either chan or minho would lash out at them if they came to them with their queries. this placed a heavy load onto changbin’s shoulders and he was worried that he couldn’t live up to the standards of his hyungs and/or give support to those when they needed help.
“binnie hyung, why are chan and minho hyungs fighting?” changbin looked up from his phone to see the younger of the two aussie boys at his door. he beckoned felix into his room, reminding him to close the door behind him.
felix cuddled into his hyung’s warm embrace as changbin stared at the ceiling, hoping that it would give him an answer to the younger’s question.
“felix, in all honesty, i don’t know. nobody knows, however chan and minho hyungs are very responsible people and if they had a fall out, we know it wouldn’t be over something trivial lie the small fights you guys get into. we should stay out of it and leave them to figure it out for themselves and give them some space and time. they’ll come around eventually and if worst comes to worst, we know they won’t want manager hyung to find out about this so they’ll figure it out eventually,” changbin doesn’t necessarily say this to comfort him; it’s more for himself. he wants to convince himself that everything between their eldest two will be alright.
felix hums in satisfaction and seems to have eased. changbin lets him sleep as he texts hyunjin he won’t be able to make it to their room for their cuddle session.
the older of the two stares up to the ceiling yet again. he wonders what it would’ve been like if he didn’t choose this rocky career route and instead opted to do something else, anything else, for as much as he loved his idol life, he didn’t like the challenges which came along with it.
chan and minho had come around by the end of the week. changbin had trudged into the kitchen, thinking he was first up when he saw minho and chan laughing over the stove about something. he rubbed his eyes to check whether he was dreaming or not and on his confirmation that he was very much awake, he approached the others with a smile.
things progressed smoothly after that fight was resolved and minho and chan seemed closer than ever, which was a good sign as the two wouldn’t usually have chosen each other as their first choice of company. stray kids had a day off meaning everyone was doing their own thing. the aussies went swimming, the two maknaes went to the arcade and hyunjin (despite changbin’s incessant whining) dragged his boyfriend along to go on a double date with minho and jisung.
“aigoo, binnie hyung is the best boyfriend!” hyunjin exclaims, arguing playfully with his younger.
“how do you know that minnie isn’t better though?!” jisung is equally as enthusiastic about the subject of his boyfriend. changbin finds it quite cute how the two are playfully chatting about this but something in the back of his mind is nagging him that there is an ulterior motive driving this conversation.
“binnie is such a great listener!” changbin hears a slight edge to his words, his breathing hitches. please don’t yell, please don’t yell, please don’t-
“no that’s minho!” jisung is starting to raise his voice too. changbin is starting to lose it. minho, who’s been quiet for the entire conversation notices the change in changbin’s demeanour and keeps a closer eye on him.
“well you’re a liar!”
changbin’s breathing becomes uneven as he wheezes for air. unbeknownst to him tears are streaming down his face and he begins to rock in his seat. jisung and hyunjin’s fight comes to a halt as minho rushes to aid changbin. hyunjin rubs his back whilst minho shushes him; jisung went to get tissues from the toilets as they had none with them.
when changbin had calmed down, they eased him to his feet to walk out of the cafe. when they’d returned to the dorms, chan was there to meet them at the door and ushered changbin into his room whilst minho was left to talk to a guilt-ridden jisung and hyunjin.
“hey hey, you’re ok, you’re back,” chan smiles assuredly at changbin, who’s still disoriented and a bit confused as to what had just happened and why he was suddenly back at the dorms.
“wasn’t i with hyunjin though?” changbin asks. chan nods his head.
“yes but i got a text from minho about 20 minutes into your double date and it didn’t sound too good,” chan pulls his phone out of his pocket and shows changbin the text.
m: hey hyung, changbin isn’t doing great
he’s actually in a really bad state. i think
sungie and jinnie triggered it but there may
have been more to it than that. pls be at
the door for when we come home
c: ok, what were jin and sung fighting
abt minho??
m: who’s boyfriend is better
c: yikes. can you deal w/ them when you
come home pls??
m: yeh sure, see you in a bit
“was it really that bad huh? i can’t remember anything that happened. i just kind of remember arriving at the cafe and…” changbin cuts himself off and chan gives him a look which tells changbin he wants to hear everything that’s been happening. changbin inhales.
here goes nothing.
“i know i’m a hyung and i’m supposed to help the maknae line however i can but it’s just gotten too much. everyone’s always fighting and most of the time i’m the one people come to for advice. they tell me their problems and as much as i do want to help them in any way possible but it’s getting burdensome. i guess it’s kinda my fault for not telling them that it’s getting harder for me to fully listen to their problems when they always expect me to come up with some form of advice or comfort but i just don’t know how to turn them down. i don’t want to cause any more trouble,” changbin talks through his hiccups, tears spilling over his cheeks. chan continues to encourage the younger to speak throughout, rubbing his back. at this point, minho has walked into the room and sits on the other side of changbin and offers him a glass of water. he accepts.
by the time changbin has told his two hyungs all of the instances he’s felt on edge with, he did feel lighter but was scared to hear what his hyungs had to say about the situation.
“binnie, never be afraid to tell us about what you’re feeling; you would never be burdening either of us because we always make time for any of our members, especially if they've been going through a hard time," chan soothes changbin, maintaining his smile but internally cursing himself for not noticing another member's struggles sooner.
"yeah, we're your hyungs for a reason and you can always come to us for help because we're willing to help you," minho traces circles onto the back of changbin's hand in the hopes of soothing him.
in that moment, changbin knew things would work out.