Work Text:
Bond has a three-part trick to get Q into bed when he’s strung out after hunting adversaries through the wilds of the Internet or guiding an agent through the tensest parts of a mission. The first part involves physically picking up the Quartermaster and slinging him over his shoulder, ignoring his indignant protests and nodding at R to shut everything down and tidy up. R is not technically part of the trick, but if Bond were honest, she’d be counted as indispensable.
The transition to the second part involves not putting Q down until he’s at the car, despite the fuss the Quartermaster indulges in through the hallways. It’s a sign that indicates how tired the normally dignified Q really is.
The second part formally begins when Q notices the open box of éclairs on the car seat. The Quartermaster tends to run on tea and Pot Noodles during these critical situations, so the combination of sweet pastry cream, chocolate ganache, and delicate choux pastry, made fresh that day, is irresistible.
Part two is extended for the length of the car ride home as Q devotes himself to molesting the éclairs while Bond stoically ignores the unconsciously erotic results.
The transition to the third part of the trick consists of carrying Q, still cradling the remains of the box of éclairs, from the car to the bedroom. The exhausted Quartermaster is typically lapsing into a post-indulgence doze at this point, and is ridiculously easy to maneuver about.
The third part is the most complex and time-dependent. Bond must get both himself and the Quartermaster undressed and into bed before Q awakens enough from his pastry stupor to object.
If Bond’s timing is off and they’re not yet comfortably tucked into bed in a dark quiet bedroom, Q will rehash the mission for hours, analyzing every action over and over for flaws, pacing until he nearly drops.
Done right, the procedure results in Q slipping into sleep contentedly on Bond’s shoulder, guaranteed for at least eight hours of restorative slumber before he opens his eyes and remembers to be outraged.
But Bond isn’t a double-oh for nothing and his speed and dexterity generally do the trick, providing a warm and protected shelter for Q to slumber safely, secure and cherished.