Work Text:
Nii-san
I heard Argonavis' new song today.
Yet again, the lyrics exceeded my expectations.
You really are made for this, Wataru.
Wataru groans for the third time that night since receiving the messages. Yet another instance of Kenta unintentionally causing him undue embarrassment. He hates it here.
The new song in question? A love song. An actual love song, about a guy who wants someone he can't have. As much as he loves his bandmates, Ren and Yuuto rely too much on their feelings when doing things, and Wataru remembers wishing to just up and disappear. He still does.
If anything, it's grown tenfold, what with those two having their head in the clouds, his own embarrassment, and Rio . God, Rio. The moment Wataru shows him the lyrics he had in mind and Rio looks at him with that look he reserves for moments where Wataru's being especially obvious, he knows he's fucked. Wataru's lost count of how many times he's revised the text, only to have Rio return it an hour later with marks all over it, pointing at things he needs to revise yet again . At least Banri doesn't question it much, even if he sometimes offers help in the most inopportune moments, like when he's in one of his inspiration trips.
Not that Wataru can blame him, though. Banri has no way of knowing his little not-dates with his brother for the past few weeks doubles as inspiration fuel.
And that's another can of worms entirely, one that Wataru has been opening for the entire duration of songwriting and should probably get to sealing again. Preferably with metaphorical glue. Or solder. Maybe with some extra tape and clips?
The metaphor's running from him. What was it that he was thinking about? Oh yeah, Kenta.
And there he goes again, going down that train of thought.
Kenta has been nothing but kind and accepting to him, acting as a proper older brother should. Even when they were separated, or when Wataru's wrestling with his complex, he's always there, patiently reminding Wataru that he'll always support him or that Wataru is and will always be enough for him and his bandmates. A true older brother, always there to protect their younger siblings.
But Wataru isn't the scared little kid he was back then anymore. He can live for himself, take care of himself and others. He wants to take care of Kenta, too. Talented, dependable Kenta, who always hides his true self for the sake of others. That's probably why, when Kenta finally gets it through his head that Wataru wants him to see him as his equal, when he finally freely lets out his frustrations in front of someone else for the first time in too long, Wataru fell as hard as he did.
And boy, did he fall hard. It's weird, and probably a bit concerning for some people, that knowing how much his brother has carried this resentment towards him actually improves his view of him. He can't help it, though. Knowing that Kenta told him about it, instead of letting it fester for any longer, makes him feel like floating on cloud nine. Seeing little details he would never have noticed were it two, three months ago, like how soft his normally sharp eyes turn around him, or the gentle smile Kenta gives him in contrast to the smirk he has while performing, never fails to make his heart beat a little faster. He came to look anticipate their little cafe-hopping hangouts that's become routine. There's also the little moments where Kenta breaks character, getting bashful or flustered whenever Wataru points out a habit of his or compliments his clothes. Even the times Kenta lets the uglier side of him loose, when he'll freely shittalk everything and everyone under the sun has him feeling warm.
Even now, thinking about him, Wataru can't suppress the grin that makes its way to his face. God, he loves him so much, it's almost painful. He needs to calm down before he gets too giddy and stays up all night. It'll be bad if Yuu or Ren comes into his room and asks if anything is wrong.
A lot of things is wrong, Wataru thinks to himself, slowly coming down from his high, I shouldn't be loving my brother like this. It's unacceptable. If his other friends ever found out about this, they'll question if something is wrong with him. Why wouldn't they? To find out that one of their beloved friends is a deplorable man in love with his own brother would come as a shock to them.
Disgusting, his mind tells him.
Wataru wonders how Kenta would look at him, if he knew. Will he despise him? Be disgusted? Pity him, for loving someone so broken, as he's said time and time again?
Will he even allow himself to accept him? To lay himself bare to the one person he ever let in, to let him love even the worst of him?
All that is just fantasy, though. Wataru knows better than anyone that this is something he's going to take to his grave. Kenta would--should--never know.
Even then, it's nice to imagine them, together and happy, as he opens his brother's messages once again.
If only you knew.