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Five years ago, they were just children laughing and playing together. Not a care in the world besides what game they would play next and what’s for dinner. It’s amazing how much can change in such a short amount of time. Since the end of those carefree days, they’ve learned the truth about the world they lived in. About the farms, the demons, and all the horrors that came with those truths. But that was in the past, and they were able to make it through. Together, just as they always had been and always will be.
Gilda looked out the window by her seat in the library to observe the yard below her. The children were taking advantage of the last rays of sun light, and as the sun began to set they continued to run around and play much as Gilda had done as a child with her own friends. But things couldn’t be more different for these kids. They were no longer in a world where they had to fear when they would be eaten. All of the humans, kids and adults alike, were in the human world now. Free from demons and the world of fear and hate that they had been born in.
With a smile, Gilda carefully placed her now finished book on a nearby table and began to make her way downstairs. She had dreamed for what seemed like ages of a world where she could live safely and happily with her family like they had done before learning the cruel truth of their orphanage. Now it finally seemed like her dream was becoming a reality. They all were comfortable and moving forward with their lives. Plus they had finally found Emma, and despite her losing her memory she was now living with them. Relearning things about herself and her family with all of them by her side. Life was as perfect as Gilda could have ever hoped for, at least that’s what she told herself as she watched some of the kids scurry from the kitchen. Sure everything was what she had wanted, but there was a dark feeling inside Gilda she couldn’t shake. A deep sadness, longing, and confusion she hadn’t felt in a long time had begun growing around her heart and it worried her. But she just couldn’t place what the cause was.
Dinner had long since finished, so Gilda was curious as to what some of the kids were doing running in and out of the kitchen. She slowly peaked her head in through the kitchen doorway and saw Phil and a couple of kids his age pouring over a book around one end of the long kitchen table.
“What are you guys up to? Is it something for school tomorrow?” Gilda asked, startling a few of the kids. Phil though just looked up smiling, clearly having heard Gilda enter before any of the others.
“We found a stray kitten outside! We were trying to find out what’s ok to feed it and how to take care of it.” Phil held up the book for Gilda to see the cover as he explained himself. It was a book on basic pet care and diets. Gilda gave Phil a small smile, he was so smart and so caring, he really is a good kid.
“I see! Do you want me to help you find some food or somewhere for your new friend to sleep?” Gilda was already walking towards one of the cabinets as she asked. She had been planning to get a bath and relax with some of the older kids before bed, but she couldn’t help her motherly instincts kicking in.
“Oh that’s ok, Gilda! We already found some leftovers that are safe for the kitten. Alex and Rika went to get what we need to carry the kitten back too so we have it covered. Thanks though!” As Phil spoke, he tucked the book under his arm and began to make his way out of the kitchen and back down the hall to the back door where Alex and Rika were waiting, all set to go rescue a kitten. Gilda was left in the kitchen feeling a little misplaced. With her hand still gripping the half opened cabinet’s handle, Gilda found herself alone in the large kitchen.
“Oh…alright then.” Gilda spoke softly to herself as she closed the door she had opened and took a seat at one of the chairs by the edge of the table. That sad and confusing feeling began bubbling up in her chest and she squeezed her hands together tightly in her lap. She didn’t like this feeling. The feeling of being misplaced in her own home, surrounded by the people she loved. The feeling of being so unsure with every movement she made and word she spoke. It felt as if she was a stranger in the wrong body, living the wrong life. It was so empty, yet so overwhelming at the same time. The feeling of uncertainty and loneliness pressing down on her made her breath shaky.
Gilda took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. She looked to the window behind her to find the sky had already gone dark and the noise of children playing outside had now moved into the open space of the first floor living area. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but figured it was probably better if she got up and pretended she hadn’t zoned out for as long as she probably had.
As she walked out into the living area, she saw many of the kids sitting around Phil, holding what must’ve been the kitten they rescued. It really was a cute cat, orange with white markings around the feet and eyes. Phil was holding the kitten gently as it drank from a small bottle Phil or his friends must’ve prepared. They all seemed so comfortable compared to the dark feeling hanging around Gilda. She peeled her eyes away from the kitten and looked to the other groups around the room. Nat and Anna appeared to be doing homework together in the corner, Gillian was showing some of the younger girls how to sew the hats she was so fond of making, and a group of kids only a little older than Phil were working on some kinda of 3D puzzle they had started that morning.
“In the past,” Gilda thought as she mad her way back upstairs, “I would’ve been going crosseyed with how many of them needed my help.” And it was true. When they were still running or hiding from demons, there wasn’t a moment to rest for Gilda. If she wasn’t out foraging or searching for things with Emma or Ray, she was waiting for the two older kids to get back as she looked out for those around her. In many ways, Gilda had taken on their mother’s role in their odd little family. As they anxiously awaited Emma and Ray’s return, Gilda would help soothe those anxieties, figure out difficult problems they had run into, and explain things that were confusing even for the incredibly smart children that came out of Grace Field.
“But what about now…?” Gilda’s thoughts trailed off as she passed an open door in the hallway upstairs that lead towards the room she shared with a couple other girls. She stopped and peered into the room to find Emma, Ray, and Don sitting in the small study room surrounding a table with a chessboard laid out. Emma and Ray were sat next to each other on the small couch with Don sitting on the couch across from them. Don’s head perked up as he noticed Gilda’s presence in the doorway and he began to wave her over.
“Gilda! Come in! Ray’s been teaching Emma chess, or I guess it’s technically re-teaching. She’s already too good for me!” Don cried out running a hand through his hair tiredly as Emma and Ray both snickered, “You can be on my team so it’s a little more fair.” Don finished with a pointed look to Ray who just smiled in the smug yet endearing way only Ray could.
“Oh, sorry. I’m not feeling too well actually, so I think I’m just going to get a quick shower and head to bed. But thanks though, I’m sure you’ll manage somehow Don.” Gilda offered a soft, if not somewhat pained, smile towards Don as she wondered off down the hallway. Don was left a little perplexed and concerned. There was something in Gilda’s voice that didn’t sit right with him. He had seen Gilda sick before, had even seen her just exhausted and stressed to the point of being sick, but this was different.
“I hope Gilda feels better, she’s seemed tired recently.” Emma commented, her gaze still locked on the door where Gilda had been standing.
“I’m sure she’ll be alright, if she was really that sick she’d let someone know.” Ray put a reassuring hand on Emma’s shoulder and smiled warmly, which Emma returned ten fold. Don stayed silent as Ray began to explain another set of chess strategies Don would likely never remember. He wanted to believe that Gilda would tell one of them if something was really wrong, but there was just something slightly unsettling in the way Gilda’s eyes never really looked at Don. It was if she was looking far past him, far past any of them to a place only she could see. And it didn’t seem like a good place if the tiredness in her voice was any sign.
“Yeah…I’m sure she’ll be fine” Don added in quietly, gaining a smile from Emma. They returned back to their game, but Don’s mind was elsewhere. Not that it made much of a difference given the large skill difference between himself and Ray. As they finished up their current game and moved onto another, Don kept an ear out to hear the sound of the shower down the hall running. He hadn’t heard it turn on yet, and though it was still early in the evening, he was beginning to worry a bit more.
OOOOOOO
As Gilda walked into her room to get her shower robe, she stopped once again at a window, this time by her bed. She starred out the window entranced by the soft light of stars piercing through the still darkening night sky. Walking over to the window to place a hand against the cool glass, Gilda noticed the roof ledge directly under her window. The idea of a shower and sleep now far out of Gilda’s mind as she slid the window opened and crawled out onto the roof. Something about the quietness and the calm of the picturesque night sky seemed to soften the confusion and chaos going on in Gilda’s heart, leaving only a dull sense of longing and loneliness. Though not ideal, it was still a better feeling than the pressure she had begun feeling earlier.
She climbed up a little higher and further from her window, longing to be closer to the bright stars above her. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them in an attempt to stay warm.
“I should’ve brought a jacket up.” Gilda thought, though quickly dismissing the idea. She didn’t mind the cold, it reminded her she was alive. Which at one point was something she craved more than anything. Anything to remind her that she was real, and that life wasn’t just a cruel nightmare. That was all gone now though, left behind with the world they had grown up in. Looking up to the sky, Gilda couldn’t help but think about the night sky over Grace Field. It wasn’t the same sky was it? Though they looked similar enough, both inked black with bright freckles scattered across the black canvas of the sky, they still overlooked two different worlds with two different stories.
“I was wondering where you had gotten off to.” Gilda was startled out of her thoughts as Don’s voice broke the silence around her. She looked down to the window of her room to see Don climbing out onto the roof with her, a large blanket in hand.
“I saw your window open and thought you might be a little cold up here, or at least I’d be cold enough to use it.” Done explained as he wrapped the blanket around his shoulders, seating himself down next to Gilda and holding the blanket out. With a soft breath of a laugh, Gilda pulled the blanket around her shoulders as well.
“Thanks, I was getting a little cold.” Gilda replied softly starring down at her hands, fiddling mindlessly with the tassels on the edge of the blanket. The two sat in a comfortable silence for a little bit, both eventually looking up to the stars above them.
“I got worried when I didn’t hear the shower start,” Don explained, breaking the silence in a soft almost uncertain voice, “You never go to bed without showering nowadays unless you’re really sick. But you’re not exactly sick like that are you?” It was phrased as a question, but it was clear Don knew the answer without Gilda responding.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry about me being sick. It wasn’t technically a lie though, when I said I wasn’t feeling great.” Gilda spoke softer than normal, afraid more volume would somehow shatter the calming air between them. The feeling of uncertainty began creeping up as she started to question every word she spoke.
“You never have to be sorry about me worrying Gilda, I’d rather be worried than oblivious to when you need my help, y’know? Besides something’s clearly wrong even if you're not sick. Do you want to talk about it?” Don’s voice softened to match Gilda’s, but it was still filled with concern and frantic energy that was so very much like Don. Gilda inhaled deeply as she tilted her head far back to gaze directly up at the lights above. Taking time to piece together the words and feelings she had floating through her head. A part of her was scared, scared to put these dark feelings out into the open. She should be happy with her life after everything they fought and suffered for. Would Don resent her for these silly feelings that had no right to be here? Gilda almost laughed at herself for that thought. No, Don would never resent her for this. If there was anyone in this universe that would always be able to understand Gilda’s feelings, it was Don.
“I just…feel so out of place. Not physically or anything, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere without all of you here. But more like… I’m misplaced in myself? It’s almost as if I don’t even know myself anymore. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be, what I’m supposed to do, what I’m supposed to say, or anything like that. I feel like it’s because I don’t have any kind of purpose anymore.” Gilda took a deep breath as she finished speaking and looked back down at her hands.
“You don’t have a purpose anymore? You mean like fighting for our freedom?” Don asked quietly, placing a comforting hand on Gilda’s shoulder.
“No, not really that. It’s more like, everything I used to do made me who I was, and now I don’t have that. I supported everyone. I was the one the kids went to when they were confused, or scared, or hurt, or just needed someone to reassure them that everything would be ok. Because that was all I could do. I wasn’t strong enough or smart enough to be like Emma or Ray, but that was ok because there was still something only I could do. But now, it just feels like…I’m not needed anymore. No one needs me to be that care taker I was before, but that was what made me who I am. So without that…who am I anymore?” Without even noticing it, tears had started to roll down Gilda’s cheeks. As she stopped speaking soft shakes and sobs began to run through her chest.
Don was silent for a while after that, letting Gilda release all the pent up feelings she had been holding inside of her all this time. Once the sobs started to slow down and the tears flowed less and less, Don moved closer and wrapped an arm around Gilda’s shoulders, pulling her close to his side.
“Well for one, you are absolutely still needed here Gilda. It may not be the exact same as before, but everyone here depends on you in some way even if it might not look like it. You’re always the first one to ask if someone needs help, Gilda, you always stop whatever it is you’re doing to make sure everyone here is ok. You’re always willing to lend an ear if anyone needs advice or just is bored or needs to talk. They might not all take you up on your offers for help and comfort like before, but we’re all able to live as happy as we are because we know you’re there for us. We might not need your help today, tomorrow, or even for a whole month. But you’re still there Gilda. You’re there, offering more love and compassion than anyone in this whole house and it lets us all live peacefully knowing you’re there for us.” Don was hugging Gilda close as he spoke. Gilda looked up into Don’s eyes somewhat stunned at his words, and Don starred back eyes full of truth and confidence in his statement.
“And second, even if no one else needed you. I need you Gilda. Because you understand me in ways I don’t think anyone else could. I’m the same as you. I’m not strong or smart enough to be like Emma, Ray, or Norman, but I always did all I could to protect the people I love. But the others don’t really get that. The feeling of wanting to be so much more, to be able to do so much more for your family but having to settled to do what you can. You do get it though Gilda. I don’t have to try to explain my feelings to you because you understand. And I never have to worry about what you’ll think about me or how I feel, because I know that no matter what you’ll accept me for who I am.” Don smiled as he held Gilda’s gaze, and she found herself smiling just a little bit back.
“I don’t know if that helps, or if that helps answer any of your questions, but that’s what I think about all of this Gilda. And if it didn’t help, I’ll sit here all night till I can figure out a way to help you!” Gilda chuckled lightly as Don places a fist over his heart in promise to his last statement. She moved Don’s arm off her shoulders and took both of his hands into hers, wrapping her much smaller hands around his and squeezing gently.
“That was exactly what I needed to hear Don, and so much more. I hope you know I need you too. For all the same reasons. I don’t know what I do without you here.” Gilda felt her cheeks growing warm, whether from the cold air nipping at her face or her light embarrassment, she wasn’t sure.
“Me neither. You’re the most important in the world to me Gilda, the stars would look a lot duller without you around.” Don said as he softly squeezed Gilda’s hands in return. He tilted his head up to the stars, and Gilda found herself doing the same. They both sat there in a peaceful silence for some time, simply gazing up at the stars. Wrapped in a warm blanket, holding onto warm hands, and feeling a warmth blooming in her heart, Gilda didn’t feel an ounce of uncertainty or darkness in her heart. Tearing her gaze away from the night sky, she looked fondly to Don’s face, still tilted upwards and bathed in the shadows around them. The stars reflected into his eyes and Gilda felt the warmth in her heart grow even more. Leaning forward slowly, she placed a soft kiss on Don’s cheek, lingering close after as Don registered the kiss and starred wide eyed into Gilda’s soft grey eyes. Gilda simply smiled brightly in response.
“Thank you, Don. For just being you.”
Don’s stunned expression finally softened and he smiled back, eyes filled with the same warmth he saw in Gilda’s.
“I should be thanking you too. After all, I wouldn’t be me without you by my side.”
Gilda laughed warmly in response and moved to curl into Don’s side. Don replaced his arm around Gilda and held her close. They sat there together, enjoying the warmth of the other until they drifted off to sleep. Dreams filled of another peaceful day, in their very happy, simply perfect, and brightly shining life.