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It, technically, wasn’t cheating. Billie’s husband had made it clear that as long as she didn’t get pregnant or cause a scandal, he didn’t care who she did, and he’d be just as glad for her to satisfy any sexual desires she had elsewhere. They had enough kids at this point; any more would just cause drama and drain the royal coffer. Anyway, he preferred his books and his work.
Rowena was a widow. Her son had long given up trying to police her activities, just telling her that if she got into trouble with the nobles he wouldn’t lift a finger to help her. Rowena was strong. She didn’t need help. She was perfectly happy to maintain discretion so her lovers didn’t get into a scandal, but it was well-known throughout every court in Europe that the queen mother’s bed was open for visitors.
Billie and Rowena had been friends for a very long time, since they were girls. Rowena had always been open like this, always willing to explore and enjoy herself and create scandals. Billie had always been the one to insist on following the rules. No sex before marriage. Sex only with your husband after marriage. Never deny your husband sex if he wants it. Shut up and suck it up if your husband has sex with someone else. Stand by your man.
The worst part of all this? She couldn’t even blame Rowena, or wine, or anything else. Rowena had always made it clear that if Billie decided she wanted to be there, she was welcome to join Rowena in bed, with or without others. She’d also made it clear that there was no pressure for Billie to come, that she respected Billie’s choice to follow the rules. It was one reason that, when Billie reached the point where she’d needed this, she went to Rowena. She trusted Rowena to let this be a one-time thing, if Billie decided that’s what it needed to be.
Right now, she wasn’t sure. She was only sure that she had absolutely needed someone tonight, and that Rowena was someone she could trust. While they were making love, Billie had been able to forget everything from the past week. Her father, killed by a protégé he had trusted who was forced to choose between his mentor and his brother – along with the news that her father had appointed her as his successor. Whether she actually got to take the throne was still up for debate by his council, but she fully expected them to give it to one of her brothers. That got less likely over the next few days, when news reached her that two out of three brothers had been killed in the fighting in the Holy Land. And then, this morning, she’d gotten the news that her daughter had died giving birth. It was all too much, and she’d badly needed something to let her forget.
Rowena was there. Rowena had always been there when Billie needed her, and she’d come in after the news of her father’s death. Rowena had even tried to talk Billie out of it. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret in the morning. This is no time for you to go making big decisions like this.”
“Big decisions like what? You know how not to get caught, you won’t get me pregnant, and you know how to keep things all about the sex. If I’m still following the rules, at least as laid down by my husband, and it doesn’t change anything between us, then how is this a big decision?”
“It could change things for you. You’re not in a fit state to make that kind of decision.”
“I need comfort. I need a time where I can forget, where I can lay everything down and just not feel the pain. There are two ways I can think of to do that, sex and alcohol. I think I’m better off with the sex, and you’re the best choice I’ve got. I appreciate you looking out for me, but if you won’t do it, I’ll have to find someone else who will… and just hope they don’t make things worse after.”
After realizing that Billie was serious, Rowena gave in, and now here Billie was dealing with it. Rowena had been right about one thing. This had changed things for her. She felt a little guilty about cheating – but not nearly as much as she’d thought she would. It felt good, doing something for herself for a change. She’d wait a few days to make sure it wasn’t just the piling on of grief, that this really was something she wanted, but she wanted to make this an ongoing thing.
For now, she should probably go to sleep. Rowena already had, and Billie moved a stray lock of hair out of her face with a smile. Even if Rowena didn’t agree to an ongoing affair, it was nice to know her best friend was always there when she needed her.