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“What do you trust about him, to be so friendly with him?” Gook asked as Pil Hyun and his two henchmen left the storage room in the basement, leaving Gook and Tae Joo alone.
Tae Joo was not really sure why he had decided to treat Pil Hyun as a friend. Considering how their classmate continuously managed to be deceived by every girl he fancied, it was obviously not for the possibility of him contributing with anything enlightening or wise with his company. But foolishness could be rather entertaining, and Gook’s new and odd behaviour since Pil Hyun started hanging around was interesting. Tae Joo felt like something was hanging in the air and taunting him just outside of his reach, and if he could figure out how to stretch his arm just right, he would be able to grasp it. He could not say this all to Gook of course, since Gook would be frustrated with Tae Joo for trusting Pil Hyun without a ‘proper’ reason. So, he settled for a throw-away answer that he hoped would satisfy him.
“Isn’t it a bit boring when it’s just the two of us?”
Gook looked away at that and Tae Joo saw something intense flicker in his eyes. Was Gook mad? Huh… Tae Joo had started to find himself fascinated by the other boy and what might be moving through his mind. He felt as if Gook were evolving into something he could not see, as if Gook was hiding something from him. Tae Joo did not like that and as always, he wanted Gook’s attention back on him.
He swiftly reached up, put a hand on Gook’s neck and pulled him down so that they were face to face, and most importantly – very close. Gook stared down at him, his body filled with tension, and Tae Joo gazed up into those surprised and honey-coloured eyes. He dragged his hand down Gook’s neck and let his fingers caress one of his ears, making Gook’s eyes widen even further. Tae Joo could not help but smile, he did not know why but making Gook react in such adorable ways to small things like this made something in his chest grow tight and warm and almost purr with delight. Touching Gook’s ears was his favourite way to get a reaction out of him, Gook looked so cute when he got that lost look in his eyes.
Tae Joo met Gook’s gaze with quiet glee and warm eyes as he said, “What do you think? Your heart fluttered right?” He kept smiling as he added, “Dating is something like this. Just one move in an unexpected moment.” Tae Joo figured that he might as well give Gook some pointers for his upcoming date since his lack of experience was staggering.
Gook shifted his stare down towards his feet, breaking the eye contact.
Hopefully, the date would not be a complete disaster for his poor friend, he thought as he removed his hand from Gook’s neck.
Some more advice would probably not hurt, “Same goes for skinship,” Tae Joo said while looking down to fiddle with the annoying arm sling, “I don’t know if you’ll be able to pull it off though,” Gook had always been too invested in upholding his sense of decorum.
Gook turned back to look at him with a sharp stare. When Tae Joo glanced up from his arm sling, he was immediately grabbed by Gook and pulled into his space.
It was unusual for Gook to be so forward. Tae Joo was surprised but not scared, it was just Gook after all.
“Is it like this?” Gook asked fiercely.
Oh, he wanted to prove himself, Tae Joo thought as he found himself amused, “Ooh… Kang Gook…” The boy was cute in a sort of pitiful way.
“I asked if your heart fluttered.” There was nothing playful in Gook’s voice.
Tae Joo started to feel uneasy at Gook’s tone, Gook could be angry, but he was rarely aggressive. The question made him want to squirm out of Gook’s grip. He suddenly felt uncomfortable, he was not sure why.
He carefully showed his teeth in a tense smile, “You’re angry, aren’t you?”
This was not the reaction that Tae Joo wanted. He wanted play and attention, to make that nice feeling in his chest grow so big that it would completely envelope him and never go away.
Not this – this was the opposite of that feeling.
Tae Joo began to move away but Gook was not finished, he tightened his grip on Tae Joo and pulled him back.
Now he was shocked, this was new territory, far from his usual teasing and games, and he did not understand what had caused it.
“Stop doing things like this. Stop provoking me!”
Tae Joo’s entire being felt empty and cold as he gazed up at Gook.
“Please, I’m asking you.” Gook continued pleadingly. He stared into Tae Joo’s eyes with such sincerity that Tae Joo felt scared to breathe, “You don’t like it either.”
It felt as if streams of electricity went shooting through Tae Joo’s chest because that…
… that was not true.
He loved these moments with Gook – sometimes he would lay awake at night replaying them in his head, trying his hardest to remember what Gook looked like when his face flushed, how his jaw would clench when Tae Joo said something particularly forward, and how smooth his skin was to touch.
Tae Joo surprised himself with how strongly he wanted to assure Gook that he was wrong and explain that he had not meant for Gook to dislike it. Did he really not like it? Had he read Gook’s reactions that badly? He knew that Gook did not like it as much as he did, but he at least thought him indifferent to Tae Joo’s teasing.
Tae Joo’s stomach turned at the thought of Gook always having been this irritated and angry with him. He needed Gook to understand, but he did not know how. All he could manage was a tentative question.
“What if I do like it?” he whispered as he looked into Gook’s firm eyes.
The words had cut through whatever anger that had surrounded them and replaced it with uncertainty. It was as if the question hung in the air between them.
Gook was… He was… Tae Joo did not know what that look meant. His eyes were no longer angry, but they were far from calm. His gaze flitted quickly between Tae Joo’s eyes as if he were trying to figure him out, but there was nothing to figure out because Tae Joo was not joking – could he not see that?
“I do like it,” Tae Joo clarified hesitantly, making Gook’s brows furrow and his lips part slightly.
This was all a bit much, too intense. Tae Joo knew when certain conversations were appropriate to be had and this did not qualify. Whatever this was he could feel in his entire being that it was important, but it was difficult to remember that when Gook was so close. Normally, Gook was only this close when they were filled with adrenaline and sparring, or when he managed to convince Gook to hold him at night. It was never like this. Now he could look his fill, and he started to realise that he did not want to look away.
A bomb could have gone off on the floor above them and he doubted that either of them would have noticed. The world was reduced to the small space they shared in that basement, their strong eye contact and Gook’s firm hold of Tae Joo’s upper arm. He could not stop revelling in Gook’s soft smell, the way his eyes shone with emotion and his throat moved when he swallowed.
If Gook had been one of the many girls that Tae Joo liked to flirt and mess around with this would be a perfect moment to make a move. They were close and the air felt heavy, there could not be a better moment if he had designed it himself. But Gook was not one of those girls, he was Gook and… Yeah, even thinking about this was probably weird. Yet a place hidden deep inside Tae Joo cried at him to do something, as if Gook were a magnet that he could not help but be pulled towards.
Maybe he still could?
Tae Joo felt his nerves wrack through him as he quickly darted forward to press his lips against Gook’s cheek. It was a childish peck, the kind of kiss one would share on a playground as a child, all playful and innocent.
He pulled back just as quickly to gauge Gook’s reaction.
Oh… This was another new look. Gook had dropped his hold on Tae Joo’s arm in shock but had not reared back or pushed him away, leaving Tae Joo to see all the details up close. Gook’s cheeks were flushed far more than he had ever seen them before, his eyes were downcast, his lips parted in shock, and he was restlessly wringing his hands together – the boy was flustered.
Tae Joo tried to suppress the giggle that was bursting out of him but could not. Gook looked up at him with frustrated stare, as if he were threatening Tae Joo to shut up with his eyes. Tae Joo was not sure if he had ever felt as ecstatic as he did in this moment.
This was good, he thought, he could work with this.
“Gook-ah…,” he hummed slowly, “Have you ever kissed anyone before?”
Tae Joo was pretty certain that the answer was no, but he had to know for sure.
Gook swallowed roughly as he looked away again and shook his head in a small movement.
Good.
Tae Joo wanted to help – he really wanted to help – and another lesson would be a great way to do so.
“Well, I hav-“
“I know,” Gook replied fast and harsh before Tae Joo could finish speaking.
Alright then.
“Do you want me to show you?” Tae Joo whispered with the gentlest voice he could manage as he tilted his head to the side, careful to smile in a way that would not scare Gook off, “Maybe you’ll like it too?”
By god, Tae Joo hoped he would.
Gook scrutinized him for several long moments, and so intensely that he felt as if his entire soul was on display. Gook’s brows were furrowed again and his eyes so serious that Tae Joo was scared that he had crossed a line so severely that Gook would never forgive him.
Before Tae Joo could come up with some sort of excuse for the whole situation, it was as if something in Gook cracked. All of Gook’s usual resolve washed away as he closed his eyes and nodded. A small and fragile thing that Tae Joo would have surely missed, had he not been so close to Gook.
Tae Joo felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room because suddenly he could not breathe. He watched Gook’s tense face, his eyes still closed and body stiff, and was struck with an intense urge to make all that strained energy be replaced by something nicer, something softer. He wanted Gook to feel good, and to understand that…
He just wanted him to understand.
He raised his free hand and placed it on Gook’s neck, he could both feel and see the shiver than ran through Gook at that. Gook’s skin was warm and smooth – Tae Joo felt as if he was touching something holy. He could not remember a time where he had been so nervous at the prospect of a kiss, he had to fight against trembling with the tremors that ran through his body. How could everything feel so warm and so cold at the same time?
Slowly he pulled Gook’s face towards his as he moved his own upwards. He stopped when their lips were almost touching. Revelling in that short distance and knowledge of that Gook was so close, he felt as if he was washed over with wave after wave of pure bliss.
Then he closed that distance, and just like that.
He was soaring.
Gook’s lips were soft and supple against his own. The kiss was chaste, simply lips against lips. Both too much and too little. Tae Joo needed more.
He carefully pulled back and gently put more pressure into his hold on Gook’s neck, making Gook part his lips and inhale sharply.
Tae Joo moved in again, capturing Gook’s lower lip between his own. Gook faintly whimpered in surprise as Tae Joo softly started sucking on his lip. The kiss was not chaste anymore.
The sound of his own pulse beating loud and fast filled Tae Joo’s ears while he could feel Gook’s by the hold of his neck. It was hard to tell whose was faster.
Gook moved very little, only meeting Tae Joo’s lips as he switched between adding and easing pressure.
Tae Joo felt like he could stay here forever, build a home in this moment, and never leave it. He knew somewhere that thinking like that should be weird, should make him question what he was doing, what he was feeling, but right here and now – he could not care less.
When Gook made a muted sound in the back of his throat, Tae Joo pulled back.
The sight that greeted him when he opened his eyes might as well have killed him because this must surely have been heaven. Any earlier reaction that he had managed to stir out of Gook could never come close to this one.
Gook’s eyes were liquid fire. His face was slack, and his lips were still open, now shiny and wet from their kiss.
Tae Joo was shaken to his core. He did not know what to say, what to do, what to… He had…
He did the only thing he knew how.
“I like this game,” he spluttered quickly as he let go off Gook’s neck and moved to get up from the floor and out of Gook’s space, “… and I think I won.” He threw a small grin in Gook’s direction as he stood and walked towards the stairs.
Tae Joo was ablaze as he was mentally yelling at himself to stop, to not ruin this, to calm down. But he could not. He wanted to pause time, he wanted to sit down and think and sort himself out and make sense of this. There was no time.
Perhaps not all would be spoiled if he teased like he always did? At least then it would be normal. Nothing would have changed.
He glanced back at Gook where he was still leaning forward on his chair, looking out into the space that Tae Joo had so abruptly left. The grin on Tae Joo’s face felt as fake as if it had been painted on.
“Maybe…,” he was not sure what he was saying but it sounded and felt like something he would usually say, “We’ll have to play it some more until you learn how to kiss back?”
Oh no.
That was, this was- Not the moment for that kind of thing.
Maybe England would be good after all? Because there would be no reason to stay here after Gook would leave him, and he absolutely would after Tae Joo messed up so royally.
Tae Joo hesitantly moved his gaze to land on Gook and was faced with an expression he had no words to describe. Anger? Frustration? Determination? Whatever it was it was glistening so strongly in Gook’s eyes it was as if sparks were flying over the room.
Without warning Gook sprang from his chair, took several large steps towards him and before Tae Joo could do so much as breathe, Gook had him trapped between him and the wall. Gook’s hands felt like branding irons on his shoulders as they pushed him further into the cold wall, and his face was like a storm.
Tae Joo suddenly felt very small, both in body and heart. He was not scared of Gook, Gook was good, he had always been. He was scared, however, of the unknown. Gook had evolved, grown into something much larger and complex than Tae Joo had yet to fathom. Perhaps this was it? Perhaps this was how they ended.
Tae Joo looked down at his feet, too ashamed and contrite to face Gook.
Something in Gook’s stance changed. His right hand released Tae Joo’s shoulder and instead came up to firmly cup his cheek.
In shock, Tae Joo abruptly lifted his head and was met by Gook’s lips on his.
Oh.
If anyone were to repeat all of Tae Joo’s earlier reasonings about Gook’s lack of experience to him in this moment, he would take them all back, because this… This made that nice feeling he was constantly chasing after explode in his chest.
Gook attentively pressed his body into Tae Joo’s, as to not disturb his ‘injured’ wrist, as he angled his head to deepen the kiss. It was so very wet and hectic and good.
Gook sucked at his lip just like Tae Joo had done to Gook and he could not help the moan that vibrated through him at the sensation.
When Gook started to lick his way into his mouth, he feared that he was going to pass out from how good it felt. The wet slide of their tongues and the softness of their lips had him gasping for air. He could feel Gook everywhere.
Both Tae Joo’s mouth and hands were scrambling to keep up. He cursed himself for deciding to fake his injured wrist because it meant that it was stuck between their bodies, and very much not free to touch and feel and pull Gook closer.
Tae Joo had never been kissed like this before. All those girls, but none of them had been this alive or this eager.
None of them had been Gook.
One hand suddenly grabbed at his hair while another pulled his collar down. With the grip on Tae Joo’s hair Gook tilted his head to the side, displaying his neck, and heatedly put his lips on the newly exposed skin. The whimper that Tae Joo let out at that almost made him feel embarrassed. Or he would have if Gook had not started sucking and licking at the skin beneath his collar.
He was leaving a mark.
That was it, Tae Joo was sure, nothing in life would ever feel better than this.
He was squirming and frantically moving his one non-restricted arm over Gook’s broad back when he was pushed back against the wall.
Gook had his firm hands back on his shoulders, both steadying him and holding him back.
He was unfairly put together compared to how Tae Joo felt. His gaze was fixed on the spot of Tae Joo’s neck where he, moments before, had been sucking and licking and…
Was he smirking?
Gook met Tae Joo’s eyes and must have found something about the sight amusing because the smirk only intensified. Tae Joo felt as if he might as well be a puddle on the floor at this point, his breaths still came out in pants and his pulse was so loud he wondered if Gook could hear it.
The hands on his shoulders moved to correct his collar and flatten his shirt and jacket where they had rumpled.
“Maybe,” Gook hummed lightly as an answer to the question that had completely slipped from Tae Joo’s mind.
He then removed his hands and backed away, out of Tae Joo’s space.
“Let’s go, it’s time for class.”
And with that he turned towards the stairs and began to walk out of the storage room.
Tae Joo’s head was a mess as he leaned against the wall and tried to compose himself. How- What- Did…
Wait.
‘Maybe’?!
“Gook-ah, wait up!” he shouted as he scrambled up the stairs to catch up with Gook.
The only thing that Tae Joo could think of now was how he could convince Gook to play this new game of theirs again.