Work Text:
Lan Xichen was jealous.
It hurt him deeply to see A-Yao --his A-Yao-- merry and laughing with someone else. He despised it, in fact.
He despised that A-Yao willingly gave his heart to someone else. He despised that he chose to marry her.
He despised seeing the pair seated close together on the throne, partaking of the feast. A feast that celebrated the coming of their first child, no less.
He despised how gentle A-Yao was with her: holding her hand, feeding her, entertaining her with jokes. A-Yao looked so happy with her, dimples appearing on his cheeks as his eyes shined brightly.
If only that look of adoration was directed toward him. But it wasn't, and that's what hurt the most. Jin Guangyao was no longer within reach; he had become unattainable.
That was until Jin Guangyao actually gazed in his direction. His wide smile lessened significantly, and those large, innocent eyes of his were very telling. In them, Lan Xichen could see pain, sorrow, lamentation. If such was the case, then why did A-Yao take things this far? Why was he still in a relationship that made him unhappy? Lan Xichen needed to know. He needed to find a way to talk to him alone.
----
Upon the banquet's conclusion, Jin Guangyao had a servant accompany A-Su back to their room. He would have gone himself, but there was a pressing issue he needed to deal with first. He approached Zewu-Jun and asked that he follow him. Jin Guangyao then led them to one of the empty guest pavilions in the far back so they wouldn't be disrupted or overheard.
Once they were settled inside, Lan Xichen could no longer keep silent. "Why, A-Yao? Why?"
It was clear that Zewu-Jun was upset, frustrated, heartbroken. His feigned act with Qin Su had been too much, seeming way too realistic in his Er-Ge's eyes. He could only imagine how much it affected him, even though they were both familiar with the truth.
"You know why…" Jin Guangyao reasoned, his tone soft and gentle so he wouldn't hurt Zewu-Jun anymore than he already had.
"For political gain, because your father urged you to, because he can't accept his son being a cutsleeve," The Lan sect leader rattled off before he shook his head. "But it doesn't make you happy. She doesn't make you happy."
Zewu-Jun was right. Jin Guangyao couldn't deny it, but things weren't that simple. He was already in too deep that it was impossible to turn back now. Closing his eyes for a brief moment, he released a small exhale through his nose. "And what would you have me do then?" He asked suddenly, eyes fixed on the man in front of him. "Divorce her? Abandon her when she's expecting our child?"
All those inquiries felt like physical blows. He hated the subtle reminders of who Qin Su was in relation to his A-Yao. It infuriated him so much that he ended up acting on impulse. Grabbing A-Yao by his biceps, he pulled him in close and locked eyes with him. "You shouldn't have let things get this far. You should have seen how much I cared for you all these years, how much I…"
He stopped himself short of saying it. He just couldn't bring himself to say it. He was choking up, feeling a lump form in his throat as tears threatened to spill from his eyes.
Jin Guangyao was equally torn, devastated. He hated seeing how hard his Er-Ge was struggling, how much his Er-Ge was suffering. All because of his actions. Zewu-Jun was the last person he wanted to harm, --he never dared dream of it-- and yet that's exactly what he was doing. With this farce of a wedding. With the celebration of his soon-to-be-born child. With the act he was putting on for everyone else.
There was no reason for him to keep playing pretend, not when it was just the two of them behind closed doors. All Jin Guangyao wanted to do was soothe away the pain, reassure his Zewu-Jun that he felt just as strongly for him. That nothing, no one mattered as much as he did. He warily brought up his hands, terrified on the inside that Zewu-Jun would turn his face away, back away, but he didn't.
The Lan sect leader remained rooted in place, closing his eyes as those delicate hands cupped his face. It felt so right to have his A-Yao touching him like this, to feel the gentle strokes of those thumbs easing his tensions away.
"You know I don't care for anyone else. I could never love anyone else the way I love you, A-Huan. My A-Huan." Leaning up on his toes, Jin Guangyao sweetly captured Lan Xichen's lips with his own. He kept the kiss chaste, not wanting to push for too much until his A-Huan felt ready to take the lead.
Lan Xichen reciprocated the kiss in turn, eventually grasping A-Yao by his hips and pulling said man flush against him. The action startled A-Yao, drawing a gasp out of his parted mouth. Lan Xichen eagerly pounced on the opportunity, sneaking his tongue past those sweet lips. He groaned as both their tongues rolled lazily against one another's, his arms wrapping tightly around A-Yao's waist so the man couldn't dream of slipping away. And as if to confirm he wasn't going anywhere, A-Yao encircled his arms around his A-Huan's neck, pulling himself even more flush against him.
Their bodies fit ever so perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle linked together at long last. Neither of them wanted to let go. Neither of them wanted this night to end. But it would eventually have to, and they would have to abide by societal conformities once again. It may have been impossible, unethical for them to publicly display their love, but nothing would ever stop them, --nothing could ever stop them-- from pursuing it in secret.