Work Text:
Iza: Do you miss me? xxxx
It's two o'clock. The sunlight is spilling in over us through the blinds of my window. It's my second day in the house, and I still haven't been able to decide what kind of curtains to buy for the bedroom. We were supposed to get lunch an hour ago, but we've been lying in my bed since we woke up, and we keep finding reasons to stay here.
"I'll never forget the look on your face..." Your little body shakes as you laugh, your finger poking at my lips as I roll my eyes, failing to conceal a grin.
"I never saw it coming is all. You didn't even tell me you were gonna.. I was so surprised." I chuckle lightly, falling silent under your sleepy gaze. Our heads are pillowed together, and my long arm is draped over your rib cage so that I can feel every little intake of breath and wonder what each one means.
"You'll never forget that, will you?" you murmur.
"No," I say. I try to laugh again, but it doesn't quite come out, and my mouth hurts from smiling, so I relax it when your eyes drift shut. Images of that night flash behind my eyes over and over. The way you lowered yourself so awkwardly on one knee as though you were doing something out of determination rather than eagerness, like a barophobe leaping out of a plane. Yet your ridiculous level of gracefulness was off-putting. My heart in my throat and my face feeling warm and the relief I felt that our faces were painted black and white so that no one could see me blushing. The cold-warm water flowing through my veins the entire time, knowing that it was just a joke, two roles we were playing that would never be us. But I relive it over and over and wish it hadn't been an act. I open my mouth for an instant, about to say something, but shut it again quickly. The little ring you slipped on my finger is in the top drawer of the table beside my bed.
We're in the shloft, and it's one in the morning. We've just stumbled back inside after taking pictures in front of brick walls in the dark, back when we could do anything at any hour without needing a reason, without caring who saw us.
We had pinned dozens of pictures to the walls the night before, after putting our heads together and digging through one another's photos, picking out particularly stunning images of different stages at different concerts and festivals. "Gotta have something tangible to work towards..." You had said, as we pieced together the mismatched collages in a semi-drunken haze.
With laughter still floating in the air, you turn on the antique lamp I bought a month ago, and I drop to my knees, crawling over to the makeshift bed on the floor, all blankets and pillows and pens and paper. I'm kicking off my high heels when I notice you've gone over to one of the pictures, your index finger pressed against a microphone at the front of a particularly large stage. "There," you say firmly.
"What?" I say.
"That's where you're gonna be," you reply, and your smile is so pure as you collapse beside me.
"Do you really think so?" My voice is quiet in the small room.
Your hand is on mine then, and you squeeze it gently. "I know so."
"Can I get you anything else?"
The woman's voice breaks the glass box I built around us. Suddenly there I am, sitting alone at the little place where we used to go. Image reels turn in my head, late lunches with our hangovers and sluggish legs, hiding behind sunglasses and tall glasses, trying to massage away our headaches with our fingertips. You making me laugh, my still sleepy voice vibrating in my throat.
I had been thinking of you, and when I think of you, I'm with you, even if for an instant. The spotlight is always an isolation cage, but in those moments when it feels too much like a zoo, I just look over at you behind the keys, and your smile covers my heart, and suddenly winter isn't so cold.
But with her question, the waitress wakes me up. I'm just here, my eyes taking her in blankly, brain trying to remember how to work without you. My lips try to form the words to tell her I'm fine, but I can't get past how her eyes aren't the color of yours.
Flo: Yes. x