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Stiles was scribbling in his notebook, looking over his checklist to figure out if he’d missed anything. His memory hadn’t been cooperating lately. The front door to his house opened, and in came his daughter with Derek; Ivy. It was Tuesday, which meant she was supposed to have drama class after school hours to rehearse for the annual play. But that wasn’t supposed to end until 5. It was only 2 pm.
“ Hey, V, how was your day?” Stiles put the notebook down, standing to greet his daughter, but she was already on her way up the stairs and to her room.
“ Fine.”
“ Were rehearsals canceled for today or – “ Before he could finish his question, her bedroom door was slammed shut, and she was gone. It had been like that since Derek’s hospital visits started becoming more like stays than just visits, each one closer to the last than it should be. They’d gotten the diagnosis eight months ago, when Derek collapsed while cheering their daughter on during a school basketball game. The doctors had said it was lung cancer, stage three, and everything went to shit faster than they ever thought was possible. Melissa, Scott, the sheriff, and Cora all flew in for the first chemo session, and stayed till the third, then everyone had to go back to their life, and Stiles was left to nurse Derek back to health, take care of his job to make sure they had the funds for Derek’s treatment and Ivy’s school, while simultaneously being a present parent. It was a lot. Most days, it was too much, and the fact that Ivy was so visibly going through something that she refused to burden her fathers with, broke his heart a little. Made him feel distant from his daughter, useless, for the first time since she’d been adopted ten years before.
Stiles sighed, went to the kitchen to heat up her dinner, before putting it in front of her bedroom door, knocking weakly.
“ I have your dinner, Ivy. You need to eat, baby.”
“ Not hungry.”
“ Please? For me? You didn’t take your breakfast before leaving in the morning, and I don’t know if you had lunch at school or not, but either way, dinner is important. And I worked extra hard to get the seasoning just the way you like it.” Stiles knocked some more, and just as he was turning to leave, the door opened, and Ivy leaned down to grab the plate.
“ Thanks, dad. Are there.. any updates? With pa?”
“ He’s coming home by the end of the week. He’s been stable for a couple of days now, better numbers, the doctors are really optimistic, kiddo.”
“ Good. That’s.. good.” Ivy nodded, smiled, but it looked all wrong across her face.
“ I wish you’d tell me what’s going on with you, baby. I just – I don’t know how to help.”
“ I’m fine, dad. Really.”
“ I don’t want to push you, but I hope you know that you can come to me with anything, I am here for you.” Ivy blinked a bit too fast, her tell for almost crying, for trying not to. Stiles couldn’t hold himself back, as he wrapped around her like she was four again, sad and lonely and so incredibly lost in a world that she felt she was being pushed out of, was filled to the brim with no possible fit for her.
“ I love you, Ivy. So much.”
“ I love you, dad.” She tightened her arms around his neck, breathed in and held it, in fear of something else coming out with the exhale. She pulled away, tried to give him something like a smile, before going back into her room, and closing the door behind her.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The day that Derek was supposed to leave the hospital, Ivy promised to come home straight after school, and cook dinner for all of them to give Stiles and Derek some time by themselves. Stiles was at the hospital before the sun had even come out, he waited for the release papers and the final check-up, then he collected all of Derek’s belongings, texting Ivy that they were on their way home. He helped Derek onto the couch, hearing his ragged breathing and understanding that he probably wouldn’t be able to make it up the stairs, not yet at least.
“ Ivy isn’t home yet?” Derek gasped out, squeezing his eyes shut until the wave of nausea passed, until he didn’t feel like he was about to black out.
“ It’s too quiet, so I don’t think she is. She’s probably on the bus or something. I’ll call her in a few minutes, just let me wash up.” Stiles took Derek’s shoes off for him, giving him a quick kiss before going into the bathroom. His clothes smelled like hospitals, and there were very few things he hated in the world more. He jumped into the shower, but then his phone started ringing, with a number from Ivy’s school, and he shut off the water to pick up.
“ Hello?”
“ Mr. Stilinski? This is Patricia, from the principle office of your daughter’s school.”
“ Yes, is everything okay?”
“ There’s been.. a situation. With your daughter. I think it’s best if you come down here so that we can explain, and figure out what to do next.”
“ What do you mean? Is Ivy okay? What happened?” Stiles put his dirty clothes back on, somehow, not as bothered by the smell anymore. Not when there were worse things happening. Not when he felt like he was losing, all over again.
“ She’s – sir, please, just come and we’ll discuss everything.”
“ I am coming, I just – can I talk to her? I need to know she’s okay. Fuck, what happened?” Stiles grabbed his keys, waving to Derek that he’d call him, explain why he had to leave so abruptly, before getting in the car.
“ Dad?” Ivy breathed out, sounding wrecked.
“ Ivy? Are you okay? What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
“ I – I’m sorry, dad. I know that pa leaves the hospital today and I should have – I should have done better, I should have been there, and – “
“ Hey, none of that. Just tell me you’re okay. Please, Ivy, tell me what’s going on.”
“ I don’t know what to say.” She cried, sounding like she was breaking, like Stiles would get there and find only bits of his daughter, or not find her at all.
“ Okay, that’s okay, I am five minutes out, baby. I’ll be right there, and whatever it is, we’ll fix it. You and I. Don’t you worry, just – sit tight, okay? Wait for me, baby.” The call was disconnected. Stiles sped even more, unaware of the phone ringing beside him, or the guy cussing him out, or the woman trying to ask for directions.
He made it to the school in three minutes instead of five, rushing through the hallways, until he got to the principle’s office, where he didn’t find his daughter, but found Patricia, who quietly opened the door and let him in.
“ Where is Ivy? Where is my daughter? What happened?”
“ Mr. Stilinski, please have a seat.” Stiles breathed out – or tried to – sitting down, his legs bouncing with nerves, his hands twitching with the need to comfort, to reassure, to help.
“ What’s going on?”
“ Your daughter has been going through some.. situations here, that we have only just been informed about. With some of her classmates, that did some less than kind things to her. Repeatedly, from what we’ve been told, but today seems to be the worst of it.”
“ What? What do you mean? Everybody loves Ivy, she has great friends, in basketball, and in drama class. I don’t understand.”
“ Ivy dropped basketball and drama class, Mr. Stilinski. As well as music class, swimming, and any extra-curriculum classes.”
“ What?” If Stiles had a tie around his neck, he probably would have ripped it off by now. He couldn’t breathe.
“ She hasn’t shared with us the reasons why, or even with her teachers. We suggested that she would talk to the school’s counselor, but she never attempted to reach out, and she got out of every appointment we made for her.”
“ But she – she loves those classes. She loves sports and – art and – this doesn’t make sense. I don’t know why she would do that, or – why she wouldn’t tell us about it.”
“ That is a conversation to be had between you, your husband, and your daughter. But I asked for you to come today, because Jacob Michaels; one of Ivy’s classmates, came to us today with the information that a group of three girls in her class have been essentially bullying here for the last few months. Pranks and minor inconveniencing at first, but then it got more intense. Until today, when they..” The principle paused, closed her eyes as if pained. Stiles wanted to throw up, wished he’d listened to Derek when he’d once – jokingly – told him that they could just keep her at home forever, close all the windows and doors, and never let her out into the world.
“ What did they do to her?”
“ They, uh, cut her hair. Without her permission of course. Jacob heard her crying in the bathroom when he was going to class, and he took her to the nurse, then came straight here. She wouldn’t say anything to me, or to anyone. Not even to Jacob. She seemed to be mad at him for sharing this information with us, but – Mr. Stilinski, if we had known, we would have – “
“ Where is she now? I need to see my daughter.”
“ We need to discuss how to – “
“ No, no. I see her first. Then her and I will discuss this and get back to you.”
“ Mr. Stilinski,” The principle sighed, like she had any right to be bothered by his attitude.
“ Listen, protecting my child when she is on a property that you are meant to principle, is your job. And from what I’m hearing, you have failed at it. Miserably. Now, I have failed too, and at this moment, I care more about fixing what I’ve been doing wrong, to give a shit about a sufficient reaction to this mess. So, are you going to tell me where I can find my daughter, or will I just have to search the place myself?” The principle nodded, stood and walked with Stiles until they got to the school clinic, where Ivy was laying down on the gurney, arm across her face, knees pulled up to her chest, like she was trying to make herself small again, like maybe they wouldn’t see her then. He wouldn’t see her like that.
“ Ivy,” Stiles breathed, and it sounded so much like a cry, that it could have been one. It probably was.
“ Dad.” And just like that, everything about Ivy crumbled, her face collapsing onto itself, sounds of agony, of torture, falling past her lips every time she tried to breathe. And no matter how many times she tried to inhale and pull it all back in, she couldn’t, overcome with something of despair.
“ Hey, don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” Stiles circled around his daughter, putting her head into his chest, holding her like he was holding onto her, like he never intended on letting go, “ I’m right here, I got you, baby, I got you. I love you so much, Ivy.”
“ I love you too. I am – I’m sorry, dad, I didn’t mean to miss dad’s coming home, or – dinner. I – “
“ Stop. You didn’t miss anything. We’ll go home together and make your pa’s favorite dinner and everything will be just fine. Just – let me have a look at you, are you sure you’re okay?” Stiles pulled away, holding his daughter’s head in his hands, tilting it slightly to inspect if there was any further damage to be seen, something else that he’d missed, that he’d let slip.
“ I’m – I’m okay. I’m okay, dad. I just want to go home. I don’t want to be here. Please.”
“ Okay, okay, baby, let’s get you home.” Stiles helped her off the gurney, still surrounding her like she needed it.
“ Consider Ivy on an extended leave. I’ll update you with any further decisions when they are made.” Stiles said, as he walked by the principle, without bothering to even glance her way.
“ You’re okay, baby. I’ve got you.” Stiles whispered into his daughter’s hair, over and over again, until she believed it. Or until he did.
When they got to the car, Stiles made sure Ivy was settled, with her seatbelt intact, and the seat just the way she liked it, before turning to get in the driver’s seat. He took his phone out of his pocket, decided to call Derek back, out of Ivy’s hearing range.
“ Stiles, what the hell? Where did you run off to? Where is Ivy?”
“ I picked her up from school. We’re coming home.”
“ But – why did you need to pick her up? Is she sick? Stiles, what’s going on?”
“ She isn’t sick, no. She’s.. physically okay, don’t worry. But, uh, some shit happened at school and – she’s really shaken up, Derek. Like. She isn’t being herself at all, and I – I don’t know all the details yet, but – it looks bad.”
“ Shit, okay. Okay, we can fix this. I – I’ll meet you halfway, and we’ll talk to her together and – “
“ No, Derek, you’re still sick, and the doctors said that we need to take it extremely easy and. This isn’t easy. It doesn’t look easy. It doesn’t feel easy. It’s not going to be easy.”
“ She’s my daughter. I don’t give a fuck what the doctors are saying. I am going to be there for her.”
“ I know, I know you are. Just – let me see what I can do, and then we’ll come home, and I’ll let you take the lead, okay? Just give me a couple of hours with her.”
“ I don’t want you to have to do it by yourself, Stiles. You shouldn’t have to, and – you’ve been doing everything by yourself lately, and. I am failing you both. I am being a shitty husband and an even shittier father and she’s suffering for it.” Stiles had to distance the phone away from his mouth because Derek started crying which meant that of course he would too, and no one needed to hear that.
“ That’s not true. You’re getting better for us. You’re fighting to get back to us. That’s all we need from you, okay? And you’re doing one hell of a job at it. Please, don’t say that again. I love you. Ivy loves you. Everything else is just – bullshit.”
“ I love you too. Take good care of her. I’ll be waiting for you, so please don’t take too long.”
“ Alright, you rest until we get there, see you in a few.”
Stiles got in the car, took his daughter’s hand and put it to his lips, before driving away from the school. She was uncharacteristically quiet, with her head against the window, like she was too tired to carry it.
“ Are you up for a few hours with your favorite dad?” Ivy tried – for Stiles’ sake – to crack a smile, her eyes still dazed, so far away.
“ I just want to go home and sleep, dad. I’m tired.”
“ I know, baby, I know you are. But I think spending a couple of hours away from home, will help you relax a little. We can do whatever you want to do. You choose.”
“ I don’t need to relax. I’m okay. Just tired.” She sounded it too. She sounded more tired than anyone should ever be.
“ Ivy, I know we have been distant lately, and we haven’t – “
“ Dad. I don’t know what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want to hear to get this over with. I want it to be done.”
“ I want to hear whatever you want to say, baby. I am going to hear it all. I know that we’ve been busy with your pa’s illness, and the hospital visits, and doctor appointments, and – it’s been a lot. But that’s not a good enough reason for me to let things slip through the cracks, especially when they are related to you. And – I am so sorry, okay? I am sorry, Ivy, because you deserved better. I should have done better, and – I let you feel alone and I promised you once that you would never have to be. And I’m so sorry. I’m always going to be sorry that you went through all of this and I let you.” Stiles parked, tilting his body towards his daughter, taking both of her hands in his, wanting so desperately for her to believe him.
“ It isn’t your fault. I – I thought I could handle this by myself, and – if I just made it through this one thing, without having to burden you with it, then – it’ll be okay. But it was one thing, then it was two, and I – I didn’t know how to talk to you without telling you about all of this, so I just.. stopped. I stopped coming to you and I stopped talking to you and – I was the one who let you be alone, dad. I – “
“ Baby. Stop, please, come here,” Stiles leaned over the hand brakes, kind of readjusting his daughter until she was on his lap, with her legs spread out across, resting on the passenger seat. He put her head against his chest, and started rocking her as best as he could, thinking that maybe that would give her back all the childhood she lost, all the innocence and carelessness and freedom.
“ You’re our perfect little daughter, Ivy. I wouldn’t have been able to do all the things I need to do, if I didn’t know I have you in my corner. Your pa wouldn’t have pulled through, if you hadn’t helped him, and helped me help him. You put everything to the side, because you didn’t want any of our focus to be on anything other than getting your pa healthy again. And that’s – fucking incredible. I am so lucky, and so fucking proud of you, baby. I love you and I’m sorry that you felt like you couldn’t come to me, or like I had better things to do, because I don’t. You and your pa are what matter most to me in this world. It’s not one or the other, and I am just – devastated that you felt it had to be.”
“ I love you too, daddy. So much.” He felt her fingers tightening around his shirt, and when he closed his eyes to keep things from seeping through, it almost felt like she was four again, holding onto him for the very first time, learning how to, after only knowing how to be left behind.
“ Okay, baby, I’ll take you somewhere, then we’ll grab some food and get home because your pa must be worrying himself sick over you.” Stiles kissed the top of her head, let her plant a kiss of her own on his cheek, before climbing back to the passenger seat.
It took Stiles about fifteen minutes before he parked. Ivy searched the surroundings, confused, until her eyes fell on a hair salon sign, and she almost burst into tears again.
“ Dad,” Ivy whined, overwhelmed but so grateful.
“ Do you want me to come with you or do you want to be by yourself?”
“ Come with me, please.” Stiles nodded, getting out of the car, and walking with his daughter.
He let her explain to the hair dresser what she would like to get done, sat back and watched, as she confidently commented on what needed to change for things to be the way she wanted them to. It blew his mind a little, because at fourteen, he wasn’t nearly as self-assured as she was. He had no fucking idea what he wanted out of life until he was well into his twenties. He was kind of in awe of her. About an hour later, she was walking towards her dad, fingers running through her hair nervously, not at all accustomed to the new, shorter look. Not knowing if it fit her, if she would have gotten this haircut if it hadn’t been enforced upon her.
“ How do I look?” She gave an awkward twirl, followed by a cautious smile.
“ Gorgeous. As always.” Stiles pulled her into his arms before she could deny his words. When he pulled away, he held her face in his hands, wanting to say so much to her, but words had never come easy to Stiles, at least not the ones that mattered. So, he kissed her forehead, tangled her hands with his, as they walked back to the car. He started asking her about what type of food she was craving, then discussing with her what they should get Derek, since his stomach still wasn’t cooperating. They settled on Pizza and ice-cream for Ivy and Stiles, and then a fruit salad for Derek.
“ Dad?”
“ Hmm.”
“ I quit drama class. And basketball. Three months ago now.”
“ Your principle told me. Why didn’t you though? When you decided to quit, why didn’t you discuss it with me? Or with Derek?”
“ Pa was at the hospital, I couldn’t just run this by him, it didn’t matter enough for me to, not when his health was on the line.”
“ I can understand that. And me?”
“ I didn’t want you to feel bad, or convince me that I didn’t need to do it. Because I did. I had to do something.”
“ What for? Why would you need to do that?”
“ Because, dad, Pa is sick. Really sick. And you’re working too hard, all the time, and – these classes cost us a lot of extra money. Money that could be put into better use. That shouldn’t be spent on luxuries, not at a time like this.”
“ Oh honey. You shouldn’t – this isn’t your responsibility. It’s mine and your pa’s. Money stuff, shouldn’t be on your mind at all. Are you kidding me? You’re the best damn daughter anyone could have, but you’re 14, and I need you to be 14. 14 year old people shouldn’t worry about money.”
“ They shouldn’t worry about one of their parents dying of cancer and the other killing themselves over it either, yet..” Stiles’ features fell on top of one another, everything about him coming so suddenly apart. He started thinking of his own mother dying and his father almost wanting to follow suit. He thought of his panic attacks and his nightmares and all the shit that came with the trauma of the loss that happened and the loss that almost did, still loomed over his head to this day. And he never would have wished this upon his daughter, never wanted this for her.
“ Remember the stories your grandpa used to tell you about your grandma?” She nodded.
“ She died when I was younger than you are now. She got sick a couple of years before that. And through her sickness, she started.. not becoming herself. She would forget me at times, yell at me and at your grandpa for something that happened only in her head. It was really bad. Like. So bad, I think when she died, a small piece of me was.. relieved. God. That sounds awful. But she wasn’t my mom anymore, and my dad wasn’t my dad because of it, and I guess I thought I’d get him back after her passing? But I didn’t. Because it got worse. Way worse. And those panic attacks that I still get sometimes? I used to get them every day, sometimes, more than once a day. And uncle Scott and grandma Mel would try to help, but it was like I’d lost both parents at the same time, and the grief was just.. too much. I remember sometimes I’d get so angry at my dad, because I felt like I should have been enough. I should have been the reason why he’d pull himself together and bounce back up but he was so.. sunk into his grief, his rage, that he physically couldn’t be anything else other than sad, all the time. For years.” Stiles exhaled and it was shaky, like it barely wanted to come out at all, like he was holding on by a thread, wanting to be strong for her. Ivy silently laid a hand on top of her father’s, watched him as he grew further and further away from being her father, and started turning into that scared little boy he was speaking of.
“ I guess.. I hadn’t realized I was doing to you what had been done to me, until I saw all that I was missing. All that I should have been more present for. And I never wanted that for you, V. God, I worked so hard to let this life not be yours. But, your pa still got sick, and I couldn’t not pour my all into getting him better. He’s the love of my life, you know? He was my entire world for years, before you came into our lives, and then you became everything to me too. But if I did any less, I wouldn’t have been the husband he deserves. I would have set a shitty example to you. But in me doing all of that, I ended up hurting you, fuck. I’m so sorry, kiddo. They don’t teach you how to balance cancer with everything else in life. I was doing my best but – I’ll do better. For you. Okay? Do you forgive me?”
“ Of course I do.” She chuckled, wiping at her nose, trying so hard not to wail out for the weight her father still carried from all those years ago, for the weight piling up on top of it. She took the hand she was holding, kissed it, then patted it in silent consolation. Wanting to make all those years go away.
“ Okay, good. I’ll go grab the pizza and I’ll be right back.” He went into the restaurant, headed straight towards the bathroom, and cried and cried until he felt like he could pass out. Then he washed his face, putting himself on dad-mode again, collecting the pizzas before heading back to the car. Ivy could tell that something was still off – because of course she would – but she smiled when her dad visibly needed her to, and that had to be enough.
“ I got a job. That’s where I usually would be on the hours I had drama class or basketball.”
“ A job? What kind of job?”
“ A movie rental place that’s five blocks away from school. I’ve been saving up, sometimes pitching in with groceries, or supplies for school, small things that you wouldn’t notice, but – I wanted to help somehow.”
“ You have. You do. You’re doing everything right, Ivy.” Stiles laid his arm across the back of Ivy’s seat, giving her a slight nudge, until she rested her head against it, cuddled in as close as her seatbelt would allow her.
“ Those girls.. have been on my case since dad’s diagnosis started becoming a thing at school. First with the poor jokes, when I dropped those classes. Then with the charity case jokes. The ugly jokes. It never really got physical, it was just.. words. So I figured, if I ignored them and just – pushed through, they’d go away. But they were relentless, and every time, the words grew harsher, less sensitive, and in front of a much bigger crowd. Until, today.. I – I had a long night, with homework, because I knew I had a shift today at the store and pa was coming home, so I wouldn’t have enough time for school work, so I just – I guess I fell asleep in class? For a few minutes at most, but I opened my eyes to the sound of laughter, and – they had cut my hair, sticking a note on my back that said something about me being bald like my dad, and – it was so.. humiliating, dad. I ran off to the bathroom, which is where Jacob found me, and took me to the nurse. But – why is it something to be held against me that my father is sick? Why am I suddenly less than, because of something that none of us can control? I mean, I get that I’m not the prettiest or the smartest but – I was never mean to anyone. I never intentionally tried to harm anyone. I just don’t understand why this is happening. I don’t know how to make it stop.” The arm that Stiles left on Ivy’s shoulder, tightened around her neck, as she buried her face into his chest, crying into him. His other hand paled with the grip he had on the wheel, trying not to break something the way something was breaking in him.
“ You are – God, you’re the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. You have a pretty damn good heart too. You are kind, supportive, empathetic, intellectual, observant. You see things and feel things that not many people care enough to. You give so much of yourself to whoever needs it, and honestly, baby, if you weren’t my daughter, I would want someone like you in my life somehow. Because your pa and I have gone through some tough shit in our lifetime, but having you, made it all worth it. And no matter how hard some of the choices we had to make were, we would make them a thousand times over, if it would lead us to you. I just – I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, or your pa’s, or literally anyone who truly knows you, because you’re as close to perfect as anyone has ever gotten, if you ask me. And I love you. So much. And those girls, just, are teenagers. Mean, selfish, teenagers who are deflecting or dumping their own personal shit onto the world, who knows, but they don’t know you. Not like we do. And whatever they have told you or said about you, just isn’t true. I know it matters to you, but it really shouldn’t, because you can’t evaluate something without getting deep and personal with it, and they haven’t. And if they had, they never would have even thought those things about you. I wish you’d come to me earlier with this, because I never would have let it go on for this long. I would have done everything in my power to get you out of those situations, you know that, right? That I’ve got your back no matter what? And that I mean everything I’m saying right now?” Ivy sniffled, raised her eyes to meet her father’s.
“ You really mean that? Everything you said about me, is that what you really think of me?”
“ Yes. And more. So much more that I don’t have the words for.” Ivy nodded, like she was thinking his words through, trying to take them in, find the truth in them and cling to that.
“ Thank you, daddy. I love you. And I promise not to hide things from you again.”
“ I love you too, baby. And I promise to always be there, ready and open and willing to hear whatever you feel like sharing.” Ivy planted a kiss to Stiles’ shoulder, resting her head back on it, and closing her eyes. Comforted. Safe. Assured.
When they were parked in front of the house, Stiles gently woke Ivy up, carried all the bags they had, and let her lean against him, until they got to the front door, that she opened, to be met with immediate arms circling around her, whispered thank God’s dissolving into her skin.
“ I was worried sick about you, are you okay?” Derek felt a nod against his shoulder, but still wasn’t ready to let go. So he didn’t.
“ Are you okay?” Derek questioned over Ivy’s shoulder, his eyes finding his husband’s. Stiles shrugged, not having it in him to play it off as something other than what it was; complete and utter heartbreak.
“ Ivy, go change and freshen up, and I’ll get the plates ready. You must be starving.” Derek released her then, giving her hand a squeeze before completely letting go. Stiles put his arms around him to support his weight, noting the shake in his limbs, the unsteadiness in his frame.
“ Come on, sit down, she’s okay, you don’t have to worry anymore. Did you take your meds? I’m sorry it took us so long to come home.”
“ I took my meds on time, come, sit with me, let me look at you.” Derek let Stiles help him to the couch, tugged at his hand until he was sitting beside him, looking so openly hurt he was surprised no one else was wailing out in agony for him.
“ What happened? Is she okay? Are you okay?”
“ She’s going to be fine. We just need to pay a little more attention to her. We’ve been so.. busy with everything else that we missed.. so much that we never should have missed, that she never should have gone through by herself.” Stiles shook his head, hating the parent he’d become lately.
“ What do you mean? What’s going on with her? Stiles, I am her parent too, I deserve to know.”
“ I know you do, and you will. You’ll get to talk to her and hear from her, but for now, we’ve had a horribly long day, and I just want to be here, with you and with her. Then we can talk about everything in details.” Derek could never really deny Stiles anything, especially when he was looking at him with all that plea in his eyes. So, Derek sighed, nodded, as Stiles’ lips fell against his for the first time all day.
“ We got you a fruit salad, is that okay? Or do you want me to cook you up something else?”
“ No, a fruit salad is fine. Thank you.” Stiles went into the kitchen, grabbed plates and water cups for each of them, and when he went back into the living room, Ivy was cuddling up with her father, eyes still craving more sleep, like the nap in the car wasn’t enough to dissolve the tiredness away. Stiles put the plates down, put some pizza for him and for Ivy, then handed the bowl of fruit salad to Derek, who took it, with his arms still circled around his daughter.
“ So, how was your day? What did you do while we were out?” And Derek started telling stories of the six episodes he watched of One Tree Hill, and the e-mail he received from his doctor with the instructions to follow while he was out of the hospital, and the texts he sent to Cora. He told him about the water in the guest bathroom not heating up quick enough, and the kitchen sink that took too long to get rid of the water. Very domestic, very simple stuff, to distract him from whatever it was that was weighing him down. Ivy remained uncharacteristically silent throughout, until Stiles went to do the dishes, and heard Derek announce that he would be in Ivy’s room. Stiles took his time with the dishes, putting the leftovers in the fridge, before going into the bathroom to take the shower that was previously interrupted. About an hour and a half later, he was walking out of the bathroom, and into the master bedroom, passing by Ivy’s room, where he heard Derek showing Ivy Youtube videos of hairstyles that would work with her new length. Stiles was so grateful for him, he could cry.
Stiles laid in bed, contemplating just letting sleep take over him, but he’d promised Derek a conversation, and he wasn’t one to break promises. Especially not to Derek. So, he took the book that was on the nightstand, went to open it, when Derek came into the bedroom, looking as tired as Ivy had sounded, as she unloaded months of misery onto him.
“ Hey, you okay?” Stiles questioned, turning to his side, to face Derek when he finally settled in his favorite sleeping position.
“ Just tired.” Derek whispered, throwing his arm over Stiles as soon as he was laying down.
“ Is she asleep?”
“ Yeah. Didn’t leave until I made sure she was.”
“ You’re the best.” Stiles pecked Derek’s lips, smiling as he felt his eyes taking too long to blink.
“ No, I’m not. This is all my fault. If I hadn’t gotten sick, she wouldn’t – “
“ Derek. Of course if you hadn’t gotten sick, a lot of bad things wouldn’t have happened. But you didn’t do anything to bring this on. You didn’t do anything to deserve this. It just is, and we have to roll with it, until you’re healthy again. That’s all any of us care about.”
“ Maybe it shouldn’t be. I mean. She needed us, Stiles, and I was too sick while you were too busy making sure I didn’t get any sicker, and she just – got lost in the chaos. Life didn’t stop happening just because I got sick, Stiles. Life kept on happening and we just.. let it happen to her, alone.”
“ I know. But if anyone is to blame here, it’s me. You can’t help that you’re sick. But I should have done a better job keeping up with things while you were working on beating this thing. I should have done more, and I didn’t. So, if you need to make sense of this, pinpoint where it all started to fall apart, then, you have me to thank for all of this mess.”
“ That’s not what I’m saying. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“ Then what do you mean, Derek? What do you want me to say? That I am a shit father for not pushing her for the truth? For not seeing this when it started happening? For burdening her with things no one her age should have any idea about? I know that, and I am, okay? I’m a fucking failure of a father and a husband and an all-around person, okay, Derek? What more do you want from me?” Stiles started heaving out cries, months on top of months of paralyzing fear and unbearable stress piling up on top of him, until he just.. came undone.
“ Hey, shh, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of that. I would never even think those things about you. Shh, calm down, I know it’s been a lot, I’m sorry. It’s okay. We’re okay.” Derek moved his hand up and down the length of Stiles’ arm, inching closer until their foreheads rested against one another.
“ I love you. And she adores you. No one could have done this any better, Stiles. I didn’t mean for it to sound like I was doubting your parenting, because I don’t. I trust you, a thousand percent. I just meant that maybe getting me better shouldn’t be all you think about, all the time. Because we are responsible for this little girl now, and we chose to be, through it all. Sure, we didn’t necessarily expect cancer to be in the cards, but that doesn’t mean she should bear the weight of that. It’s not her fault. It’s no one’s fault. Like you said, we just need to get through it. And we will. You and me and her. Together. You’ll see.”
“ I know we will. I just – I am so scared, Derek.” Stiles cried some more, hating how he was dumping this on Derek when he should be soldiering through it for him. Which made him cry harder.
“ Why are you scared?”
“ Because you’re sick, and I know what watching a parent be sick does to a kid, and I – I never wanted this to be her. She can’t turn out like me. She can’t – feel like this all the fucking time. I don’t know how to spare her. I don’t know how to not let this traumatize her for life.”
“ Oh Stiles. Babe, your mom’s illness was totally different. It was incurable. This isn’t. I am not going to die. I’m not going to leave you.” Stiles nodded, let a final cry out between Derek’s lips, before opening his eyes, taking in everything that was Derek.
“ I love you.” Stiles brokenly whispered.
“ And I love you. I love you and I love her, and I love the life you gave me. I love our family.”
“ Yeah. I love it too. I can’t believe she’s ours. She’s like.. an angel.”
“ She kind of is.” Derek agreed. “ Hey, how would you like it if we slept in her bed tonight? I don’t want her to wake up alone, and I kind of don’t want to sleep without her.”
“ Yeah, let’s go. She’s probably going to kick us both off the bed, so I’ll take a few cushions to put on the floor beneath you, because we can’t afford for you to break something.” Derek snorted, loving her but not really loving the way she slept. Oh who was he kidding, he loved her all the same.
So they left their bed, and walked hand in hand to Ivy’s room, each of them taking the side they usually preferred, sandwiching her between their bodies, with their hands still tangled, resting somewhere around her stomach. She didn’t show any signs of acknowledgment, simply exhaled a bit deeper, her body releasing the last sign of tension, almost molding into their bodies. They stayed like that for maybe four hours, before Ivy started delivering kicks and punches to each of their stomachs. Stiles received an elbow to his nose, and he decided, he had enough for the night. He sat up in bed but was still unwilling to leave completely. Two hours after that, Ivy started to wake up, with her dad’s fingers running through her hair, massaging her skull. She hummed in contentment, turning more towards him, and putting her head against his chest.
“ Good morning, dad.” She whispered.
“ Morning, sweetheart. Slept well?”
“ Yeah. I slept great.”
“ Lucky you.”
“ What? You couldn’t sleep?”
“ No, I tried, but someone punched the sleep right out of me.”
“ Who? Pa?” She feigned innocence, batting her eyelashes up at him, knowing that it always made him melt.
“ Yeah, sure, let’s go with that.” He laughed, kissing the top of her head, so relieved that she was slowly easing her way back to herself.
“ Let’s make some breakfast and let your pa sleep some more.” Stiles left the bed, and Ivy followed, after leaving a kiss to Derek’s cheek, taking a few seconds too long as if making sure he was still breathing.
They made breakfast together, ate, then took a plate back to the bedroom, to wake Derek up. They all spent the morning together in bed, only leaving to use the bathroom, or grab a cup of water before coming back. By lunchtime, Ivy announced that she had a shift at work, and refused to let her parents drive her there, accustomed to finding her own way. So, Derek and Stiles spent the rest of the afternoon together, comfortable and at ease, for the first time probably since Derek’s diagnosis. It felt like they weren’t being chased after, like they didn’t have to run away from time before it ran out on them. And when Ivy came home, they all had dinner, watched a movie, until they started getting sleepy.
The next day, Stiles and Derek decided to go to the principle together, have a conversation about the best course of action to take after the latest events. Ivy was immediately against it, but Stiles held onto her shoulders, told her to let them be parents, and she sighed out, burying herself into his arms before they had to leave. The meeting went as smoothly as they would have expected it to. Of course, there were times when Stiles had to squeeze Derek’s knees to stop them from shaking too fiercely, and Derek sometimes had to pull Stiles back so that he wouldn’t completely lash out at the principle, but they agreed to inform the girls’ parents, suspend them for a week, and Ivy could come back whenever she felt like it, but she couldn’t be absent beyond their suspension period. The principle also informed Stiles and Derek that they would give informational sessions about trauma related to illnesses, to help educate their students and shift their perception a little, since this was something that could happen to anyone. Stiles and Derek made sure that Ivy would be let back into drama class and all extra-curriculum courses if or when she chose to. On their way to the car, Jacob stopped them, asking about Ivy since she wasn’t answering his phone calls. Something told them that she was embarrassed, ashamed that he found her in the condition she was in, and tired – still so very tired. So, Stiles invited him over for dinner that night, and he agreed before Stiles could even finish the sentence.
“ Why are you encouraging our 14-year-old daughter’s dating life?” Derek asked as soon as they took two steps away from Jacob.
“ Because she’s a teenager, Derek, and this is the type of thing that she should be stressing over, not – cancer and money and fucking bullies.”
“ Can’t she just get another hobby?” Derek groaned.
“ She already has hobbies. Would hobbies have been enough for you at her age?” Stiles raised a challenging eyebrow.
“ Are you trying to reassure me here? Because you comparing our daughter’s love life to my extremely traumatic love life filled with betrayals and lies and regret isn’t the way to go about it. Like, at all. In fact, this is what you say when you want me to prohibit any and all dates for the next seven or so years.”
“ Your love life wasn’t that bad. You ended up with me.”
“ I wasn’t fucking 14 when I fell in love with you.” Derek rolled his eyes, let Stiles bump shoulders with him affectionately. “ But yeah, that eventually happened, and it was the best thing that has ever happened to me until we adopted Ivy.” Stiles grinned, his lips almost touching both ears, his tongue poking out past his teeth, and Derek felt 16 again. It was the weirdest, most exhilarating thing.
“ See? Who knows, maybe this will lead her to that too.”
“ Doesn’t mean I should like it. Because I don’t. I hate it.” Stiles laughed, standing on his tip toes to kiss Derek, before resting his head against his shoulder. It was odd, them walking through school hallways, feeling so loved up, it made Stiles feel young again, stupidly in love and wondering what to do with it, how to convey it to a person that seemed so anti-love. For a minute there, Stiles completely missed the tremble to Derek’s figure due to the neurological damage of the chemo, or his louder-than-most breaths that sounded like he had to force them out, or his now slower steps. All of that faded when met with all the love they had between them. All the good things they built together.
When Derek and Stiles told Ivy about the expected dinner guest, she freaked out, ignoring all the updates about their meeting with the principle, and jumping straight to what to wear and what to cook and what to say and who should open the door for him and where he should sit on the table. Derek was in need of a nap anyway, so she helped him up the stairs, and he agreed to help her pick an outfit, as Stiles started on dinner. When Ivy walked down the stairs, ten minutes before dinner time, she was wearing an off-shoulder blouse that she only wore on special occasions, with a flowy skirt that didn’t reach her knees. It looked like she messed with her hair a lot before leaving it as the hairdresser had suggested.
“ Doesn’t she look beautiful, Stiles?” Derek questioned, patting her back proudly.
“ Of course she does. You look great, baby.” Stiles was going for a hug, when there was a knock on the door, and Ivy immediately ran towards it to let Jacob in.
“ Hello, Mr. Stilinski, Mr. Hale. Thank you for inviting me for dinner.” Jacob said, shaking both their hands. Derek gave him a polite nod, while Stiles showed him where to sit on the table, promising that everything was ready.
“ You look beautiful, Ivy.” Jacob whispered, and the way Ivy lit up, pissed Derek off. He went into the kitchen, complaining that he’d told her she was beautiful first, and that she hadn’t shown half the reaction that she’d given fucking Jacob. Stiles laughed and laughed, until Derek took a few plates to put on the table, just to get away from Stiles who was mocking his clear dissatisfaction.
The night went by perfectly, Ivy apologized for being so distant lately, told Jacob about all that had been going on in her private life, and he was accepting, supportive in ways that even Derek couldn’t help but appreciate. Jacob then gave Ivy the homework of the days she’d missed at school, offering to help her with any future lessons that she’d miss, but then she suggested going back to school after the weekend. Stiles and Derek couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the night.
It wasn’t easy, and Ivy repeatedly expressed her concerns about going back to school, about living her life like her father wasn’t potentially losing his. But she slowly eased her way back to life, attending classes first, then rejoining basketball, then drama class. She kept her job but Stiles made her promise to either spend the money on herself or save some of it for any future moments of indulgence. But there was still a weariness to everything she did, until Derek got the all-clear two months after the incident at her school, and she cried for a week straight every time her father’s name was even mentioned in a sentence. It got easier then, lighter, and they all strayed further and further away from those dark times, when everything was falling apart, and they were all getting crushed under its collective weight. But if they loved each other through it, they could love each other through anything.