Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first time Bam met him, it was in a field of brilliant yellow.

Tall yellow grasses that reached their waists. Screams resounding all over the open space as miserable cries were carried by the wind. A faint metallic scent would sometimes drift by.

Trembling as he pointed the borrowed needle at the white giant in front of him, Bam had been desperate to pass the test, even if it meant going against his morals... Against his own wishes.

Even if it means fighting and hurting someone or something else. Just like how he stabbed that monster from within its jaws and  pop the black ball despite his fear. It's all in order to climb the tower.

Because only by passing the test could he climb up the tower and chase after Rachel.

 ...

Rachel.

Rachel who had been his only light in the darkness of the cave he was in. His first friend. His first teacher. His mother. His sister.

The one person who took on so many roles for Bam.

She chose to climb the tower to see the stars. To leave him behind in order to do so.

Stars are the most beautiful thing to ever exist, she said.

Bam had wondered back then, how beautiful can those stars be for Rachel to always talk about them?

The closest Bam could think of a star... Would be the light coming from the ceiling of his cave. And Rachel who seemed to glow within that light.

Just like the twinkling stars Rachel loved.

Bam would just be happy staying with Rachel. With his own 'star'.

But then she left.

Left him behind to reach those so-called stars.

As someone who'd been living in darkness, every little light becomes precious. The light - no matter how small - chased the terrifying darkness away.

So when his light disappeared, Bam had no choice but to chase after it so he can escape from the lonely darkness that threatened to engulf him.

...

Bam can only utter an apology and a quick prayer in his heart... Whether it's for him or the white giant in front of him, he didn't know.

Whether he comes out of this alive or not, Bam wasn't even sure.

And then a pleasant voice sounded behind him. 
"Hey, stop."

Bam quickly turned around to look for the source and then...

"With that awkward posture, you won't even be able to snag a baby rabbit." There was a somewhat teasing tone to it that made Bam's heart skip a beat.

From fear, shock or something else, Bam didn't know.

In that huge field of yellow, Bam's vision was suddenly filled by a beautiful combination of white and blue.

The boy who stood across him looked around his age, wearing a white button down shirt, black tie, and pale blue pants, his hand holding a brown bag. With a lean build and slightly higher stature compared to him.

The person's hair was a silvery blue color, reminiscent to the fluffy white things floating above them (clouds, as Bam would later know). And his eyes were similar to the wide expanse above them (sky) but somehow, its color was more intense and vibrant.

With his pale skin tone and hair color as the background, his eyes stood out the most to Bam.

Although he wore a bandanna and a pair of earrings with a similar shade to the boy's eyes, it somewhat paled in comparison to those pair of eyes currently looking at him.

Watching him.

Bam had come across other 'regulars' before he arrived at the white giant here. (It suddenly didn't seem so white anymore as compared to the boy's shirt.) He barely had a chance to register their appearances as he dashed away from them.

But if Bam had to say something, it's that none of them looked as ethereal as the one speaking in front of him now.

Absolutely breathtaking.

He seemed just like the angels that Rachel once told him about. Beautiful winged creatures that guides and protects people from harm.

His low voice as he explained from what tribe the giant (was it Da-an?) was from was like music to Bam's ears.

It was different from his own voice and Rachel's.

It's somewhat relaxing. Bam had unconsciously decided at that point in time that he likes it.

But that's not something he'll realize until later on.

The blue-eyed boy was still speaking, still talking to him even after the Da-an left them. And Bam had to concentrate on the boy's words to understand what he's saying, instead of just blanking out at the sound of his voice.

The boy seemed to be knowledgeable and it took all Bam had to answer as intelligibly as he can. Bam certainly didn't want to look stupid and embarass himself in front of the other.

When he asked Bam where he came from...

Bam couldn't immediately reply. Princess Yuri's warning about 'irregulars' rang in his mind.

'Irregulars always brought chaos to the tower.'

He couldn't answer him but he doesn't want to lie to him either.

"Well... It's hard to say..." Bam said instead, well aware that it wasn't a proper answer to the question asked.

"I see. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Even with the blue-eyed boy's understanding response, Bam couldn't help but feel a little guilty.

Without introducing himself, without leaving at least a name behind to commemorate their encounter, the beautiful boy turned to leave.

Despite their differing appearance and statures, when the boy turned his back on Bam, the boy's and Rachel's images seemed to overlap in Bam's mind.

...was he going to be left behind again?

No. Bam doesn't want to.

'Stop!' Bam wanted to cry out to the other.

And yet, his voice won't come out.

Maybe the heavens heard his unspoken wishes as the blue-eyed boy turned back to him.

"Hey. Did you bring a pet with you?" He asks, pointing to a brown reptilian creature wielding a spear near them.

Despite the creature's scary appearance, the boy was far from afraid and even went as far as make fun of it. Riling it into a shouting madness.

While Bam? Bam could only stare at it, his mind blank on what to do next.

When the talking alligator stated that he had a business with Bam, which he absolutely had no idea of, the beautiful boy proceeded to leave.

And Bam couldn't even lament over the fact that he was going to be abandoned again as the talking alligator was persistent on hunting him.

Bam tried reasoning with it, but it seemed to not work as the alligator grew more aggressive instead.

When Bam was finally at a loss on what to do, the white and blue that dyed his vision and captured his whole attention moments earlier came back.

With a swift and clean hit, the boy was able to disable the much larger creature for a few seconds.

Those few seconds more than enough for the boy to hold Bam's hand and hide them from the thundering creature seeking them.

The hand that held Bam's was pale and slender yet also filled with callouses, a sign of hardship that Bam was familiar with. After all, his own hand was gradually filled with such callouses from his own attempts to reach the light at the top of his cave.

It made him wonder what kind of life the other boy lived through to litter his hands with such marks.

But more than that, the boy's hand was incredibly warm.

Much warmer than Bam expected, as if telling Bam that he was right there next to him.

Ah... So he really wasn't abandoned.

He didn't leave him behind.

Bam didn't believe in gods but at that moment, all he could think of was one thing.

Thank god. Really, really thank god.

His world that had only been filled by a pale yellow, now had spots of blue in it. Not the blue of the sky above them, but the intense blue of the boy's eyes that looked straight at him.

Even after letting go of his hand, Bam could still feel the ghost of the other's touch linger on his own.

He secretly wished it'd last longer.

His wish was granted soon after.

As if the heavens had been smiling upon him today.

...

"My name is Khun. Khun Aguero Agnes." He finally introduced himself and Bam took care to etch the name in his mind. "You?"

"Oh! I'm called Bam. Twenty-fifth Bam." Bam replied, he was actually more than happy to introduce himself to the other.

He tried hard not to make it show his eagerness on his face and if Khun noticed, he didn't say anything about it.

"Why is that guy following you anyway?" Khun asked as he watched the raging alligator not far from their hiding place.

"He said he wanted to fight this," Bam held the Black March for the other to see.

Khun seemed to have seen something as his cobalt blue eyes widened at the sight of the weapon. Not a second later, he grabbed Bam's other hand and pulled him closer towards him.

Oh. There's that warmth again. A voice in Bam's head told him.

But he had no time to focus on that as the distance between the two quickly shrank.

So close that their noses almost touched and Bam can count each of the silvery blue lashes that framed the other's cobalt blue eyes that seemed to pierce right through him.

Oh so dangerously close that Bam's heart did another skip. (Why it was dangerous, Bam had no idea. And it would only be much later when he'll know why.)

"Bam, where did you get the Black March?" Khun asked, his voice low and deep as he explained the significance of the weapon and what it symbolises, like an angel whispering for sinners to confess their sins and ascend to heaven.

Or a devil tempting the innocent soul in front of him to reveal his secrets and drag him to the deepest parts of hell.

"How can someone, especially a man, who just entered the tower have it?" Khun kept his gaze on him, watching his expression and every minute details, searching for an answer.

Bam knew he had to look away from those blue orbs that threatened to drown him or he might just get bewitched.

And so he did, he tore his eyes away from the sight in front of him and kept silent.

Seeing him not say a word, Khun finally acquised and let him go.

Just like when Bam was unable to answer where he came from, Khun had decided to drop this topic to Bam's relief.

Instead, he offered Bam his hand once again, in a gentle and friendly gesture, along with the choice to go up the tower with him.

The hand that was outstretched towards him, Bam had decided to hold onto.

And more spots of blue colored his world.

Chapter Text

If Bam had to say what is his first impression of Khun when they first met, then Bam could only try to compliment the other boy's appearance as much as his limited vocabulary allows.

Probably tell them how Khun was like an angel that descended from the heavens. An angel just for him.

Okay, maybe Bam wouldn't say the second sentence out loud as that would have been embarrassing.

But now as their team was forced to play the crown game due to him, Bam can confidently add a few more adjectives to use when describing Khun. All of them are entirely positive adjectives that can only ever be used as a compliment.

And Bam would still feel that he did not do Khun justice.

Khun was amazing. Bam can't even stop stressing on that.

Whenever the two of them got in danger, Khun would be instantly in front of Bam, shielding him from whatever's threatening the two of them.

That had been the case when Rak(the talking alligator) found them and tried to hunt Bam again.

Bam had obviously been nearer to Rak when he appeared. But the moment Khun assessed the danger, he immediately moved in front of Bam, his bag held held up as a shield for the two of them.

No one has ever tried to protect Bam like that. Not even Rachel.

At most, Rachel would care for his injuries and chide his recklessness, telling him not to do something dangerous again. But she would never place herself in harm's way just for him.

Princess Yuri? Despite kicking him on the face when they met, she had been kind to Bam, so kind that she lent him such a priceless treasure. She even tried to save Bam however she had been shackled by her title and the warnings of the silver dwarf with her. She could only watch as he battled on his own.

But Khun? Khun didn't even seem to think that he would be the one hurt if he stood in front of Bam.

His shoulders and back that didn't seem too different from Bam's own... Suddenly seemed much bigger. Bringing comfort and security as Bam stood behind it.

So this is how it feels like to be protected...

It feels nice.

More tiny little blue dots found its way in Bam's world.

When Khun overtook everyone into securing the crown, and then have them play according to the rhythm he set, with a devious smile on his face... Bam had to change his evaluation of Khun in his mind.

Khun isn't an angel. He's a devil that took on an angel's appearance to enchant his victims into giving him their souls.

And that same devil, beautiful as an angel, placed the coveted crown on his head.

As if it's more than just a part of the game they're playing... As if he was crowning Bam his king.

The tiny little dots of blue bled into abstract forms as it covered the pale yellow in its path.

On the fourth round, when Khun had told them to take a break, Bam had no idea how he could relax at that time.

But Khun stayed true to his words, leaning back onto Bam's side with his arms crossed and his eyes closed. Thoroughly uninterested with the battle going on around them.

So sure that they will win this round, so calm that Bam's uneasiness dissipated even just a little.

As Bam looked at the ongoing fight around them, as people fought for them in return for Khun's favor to them, Bam could feel the other's body heat through the layers of their clothes.

And it distracted him more than he'll ever admit.

Khun was warm. Despite the gentle warmth, his touches left invisible searing marks on Bam's skin.

Bam had to wonder why that was. Rachel's hugs and touches never seemed to burn him. Was it because they were not that close and Bam was just not used to it?

Maybe that's it.

Bam will just try to get used to it and maybe he won't get burned.

Not that these burns actually hurt him. It's just leaving his heart into a fluttering mess.

And then Khun shifted.

From leaning his weight on Bam's side into lying into his lap, it took only a few seconds. His eyes still closed as he moved to make himself feel more comfortable as he rested.

His movements were so fluid and so natural, that Bam thought it must be the most natural thing to do in the tower.

Just that Rachel never told him about him as she probably didn't know about it too. After all, Rachel never let Bam lie on her lap. Or lie on Bam's lap.

The weight of another person's head on his lap was a new feeling for Bam. It wasn't heavy, not at all, but it seems to have placed a weight in Bam's heart. And his fingers itched to do something. Run them through the silky pale blue locks, maybe?

But that may interrupt Khun's rest so Bam chose to keep his hands at his sides instead.

Even as Khun explained what's going on with his cool voice, Bam couldn't see a hint of wariness in Khun's actions towards him.

The beautiful boy was completely unguarded when it came to Bam.

To find out that Khun had used his hidden aces early just for Bam, even if he didn't say so, Bam felt awed. How could Khun do so much for him when they have just met?

Just so they could climb the tower together? It overwhelmed Bam so much that he could only stay silent and relish the moment.

In the short amount of time Bam spent with Khun, Khun's color had unknowingly threatened to overtake more than half of the pale yellow that covered Bam's world.

And when Khun sat up and left Bam's lap to prepare for the fifth round, Bam felt a sense of loss he couldn't quite describe.

At the last round where three cloaked figures appeared - they came from a different testing grounds, Mr. Leroro said - Bam caught sight of the pale yellow color he'd been chasing after.

The color he knew for so long and had been so familiar with that he can't mistake it with anything else.

The pale yellow that had been his light.

The moment he saw it, Bam couldn't see anything else.

And the beautiful blue color in his world was relentlessly swallowed by the dull pale yellow he always knew.

With only a single spot of it left, still struggling to leave a mark of it's existence on Bam's world behind.

But Bam had been engrossed by the pale yellow that consumed almost his entire world that he didn't see it.

Chapter Text

When Bam woke up, his head with a splitting headache - a clear reminder of the hit he received back in the Crown Game - his first instinct was to look for the pale yellow that he was familiar with.

Bam could feel his heart drop when his beloved yellow color wasn't around.

"Bam! You're awake!" Khun's voice was filled with relief as he immediately moved to Bam's side, a bright grin on his face.

Rak was not far behind the blunette, a banana still held in his hand and munching on it.

Without the pale yellow that blinds Bam, the brilliant blue shone.

With Khun's bright smile, Bam's heart had a sudden pang of pain.

Along with the throbbing of his head, the memories of the game flooded back to Bam's mind.

How Khun have done his best to help him the game, just so he could keep his promise with Princess Yuri, even using up a precious favor he worked hard to gain from his 'allies'...

And yet, Bam threw all of that away.

Their team lost the game, and Bam lost the Black March that had been graciously lent to him.

Rachel is important, she really is.

She was all Bam ever knew before coming to the Tower.

And yet, Khun did not blame him at all when they lost the game they could have won, but was instead relieved that he was now alright.

Khun had even bought him a set of clothes because his clothes had been ruined by all the blood it absorbed... His blood, to be exact.

Even after Bam's disappointing performance on pretty much all the tests they've been, Khun only ever tried to comfort him and did not blame him even a little bit.

Bam could only smile, even if he really wanted to cry.

Cry because he didn't see Rachel. And if he'd been wrong and the girl he saved wasn't Rachel, he would have just wasted Khun's efforts in helping him.

Cry because he'd been letting Khun down from the very start. He didn't pressure Bam at all, and to be honest, it's just making Bam feel even worse.

It made him feel like a sorry excuse of a human.

Someone who didn't deserve the kindness being showered at him by this beautiful blue-eyed boy by his side.

When Khun told him that the girl he saved was not Rachel, he instantly knew that the boy had been lying.

There wasn't anything that could have exposed the boy's lie, however Bam knew that the one he saved is indeed Rachel.

That's something Bam couldn't make a mistake of.

Then why did Khun lie? The boy had been truthful and helpful to Bam the whole time that they've been together. So that only leaves one other reason.

Rachel didn't want him to know. She didn't want Bam to be with her as she climbed the Tower.

Even now, when they're both already in the Tower, she wanted to leave him behind.

It pains Bam even more as when he compared Khun's actions with Rachel's, there's a clear contrast showing who's being good to him.

A person he just met treats him better than the person he'd been and trusted for the longest time.

And it hurts.

Because he let down the one who treated him nicely while the person he wanted to treat with the greatest care didn't want to see him.

It was so unfair to Khun who had been nothing but kind to Bam.

And from the remaining single blue spot, it bloomed once more. The blue color far more vivid with the pale yellow that became its background. Even with the color being significantly less than the one that covered Bam's world, the brilliant blue smear became an eye-catching centerpiece.

The color so intense, it made the pale yellow even more fade even more out of focus.

For the following Position Training classes, Bam never found the name Rachel on any of the regulars participating.

She even hid her name, just so Bam would not be able to find her. Why?

But even if Bam wanted to look for her, he couldn't as he was pre-occupied with his classes. And when the classes were done, Bam never caught sight of her.

It was Rak and Khun who accompanied him along with Shibisu, Hatz and the rest of their friends.

It's actually ironic, how Bam is chasing for an old friend, while he was surrounded by his new friends.

But even then, he couldn't let go.

His world before the cave, and his world now in the Tower, he wanted it to be together. He didn't want to let either of these go.

Bam had actually thought his two worlds were starting to merge...

Aside from the pale yellow, the brilliant blue bloom, a strip of red and a drizzle of other colors.

And the moment that Bam thought he had the chance to cover his world with myriads of colors... His world turned black.

His oh so loved yellow, personally pushed his world to a pitch black.

Chapter Text

Black.

The whole world was filled with black.

After being pushed by Rachel during the Submerged Fish Hunt test - the test that Bam requested from the administrator so that he could bring Rachel along to the next floor, his world had been filled with black.

The sparse colors that filled his world now seemed muted as compared to the darkness.

Bam had to live as Jue Viole Grace, FUG's Slayer Candidate.

Bam had wondered why Rachel - the person he trusted the most - pushed him.

He didn't remember doing anything wrong.

Rachel wanted to see the stars, and Bam wanted to help her reach the top of the Tower to do so. So why did she push him away?

How did Khun and the others reacted when they couldn't find him? Would they think he's dead?

His master did say that to the Tower, the boy named 'Twenty-fifth Bam' is dead.

When Khun and the others found out that he's dead... Will they be sad? Or will they forget about him?

Bam hopes that they'd forget about him. That way, they won't be sad over his 'death' and they can move onto their lives.

As a good friend, that's what he should be hoping for them. And he really wanted to be a good friend to them.

And yet, there's a small selfish part of him that wishes that they don't forget about him and that they'd remember him.

That they'd be sad because of his 'death'.

Thinking that maybe Khun was sad about his death, or even cried a bit... It made Bam secretly happy.

Hoping that his dear friend remembers him, grieving about his death and perhaps missing him...

He knew that it was a bad thing to think of, to be happy when others are sad because of him.

But the warm feeling in his chest that those thoughts bring him made it hard for Bam to feel guilty.

It was such a sick thought and yet all Bam could feel was how sweet it felt thinking that the other may have cried for him.

Maybe being in FUG had actually broken Bam in ways that he did not expect.

There's a lot of people in FUG like his master Jinsung Ha, Hwaryun and even Hansung Yu...

However despite the number of people, it still made Bam feel lonely.

His training at FUG was harsh and often brutal that he initially hated it, but ironically, it was that same training that stave off his loneliness. It made Bam focus on getting stronger.

That perhaps, there'd be a chance for him to escape in the future and be with his friends again. Before then, Bam needs to get as strong as he can, so that he won't be a burden when they escape.

Even when knowing that's almost impossible, he'd still hope anyway.

In FUG, aside from his master and Hwaryun, everyone else treats Bam like an object.

They said they wanted him to be their god, but Bam didn't want to be a god. They wanted him to be their god and yet all they did was threaten him.

Before knowing FUG, Bam never knew that interactions with people could be so different.

It was different at that time when he was with Khun and the others. They never expected anything from him, they just wanted to be around him.

It was the same way with Bam. He just wanted to be with his friends. To chat with them, laugh with them, eat with them and to just spend time with them.

But FUG won't let him.

If he tried to escape, FUG would hunt his friends down right away and kill them. If he fails a test, they'd kill one of his friends.

Knowing that his friends' lives are on the line for every possible failure, Bam could only grit his teeth as he followed whatever FUG wanted him to do. To pass every single test flawlessly.

Bam can't fail, not even once.

Because there's no telling which friend of his will be the first to die if he does.

He didn't want to take his chance.

More than his desire to find Rachel and demand answers, Bam just wanted to keep his friends safe. Those very friends who tried to help him when he didn't have anything to offer, those friends who selflessly agreed with his wishes.

Those friends who generously gave him their time and attention.

Finding Rachel was second.

At FUG, aside from training, there's nothing else to talk about. Meal times were bland without a speck of laughter, break times are for trying to catch his breath before another round of torture starts.

The only time Bam could actually rest would be when he sleeps.

And even then, his dreams were filled with blood, deaths and misery. But he can't not sleep, otherwise he won't be able to survive the next day's trials.

So Bam would force himself back to sleep, to those terrible nightmares while biting back a choking sob.

Other times, he'd dream of a calming blue. A dream so wonderful he'd wish it won't end. And yet it will, and Bam would awaken to the nightmare called reality. When realization hits him, tears would pool at his eyes again but he can only force it back not to fall.

They're always watching him.

Any weakness he showed would be exploited by them.

Even a single tear would be a weapon for them to use against him, so Bam couldn't even cry.

Sometimes, Bam would want to have a conversation with someone else. And yet when he opened his mouth, no words would come out.

There's nothing that Bam knew that the other person can't. There's no point to talk about his training either as he would give a daily report about it. There's hardly anything to talk about Bam himself as prior to him entering the Tower, he had nothing.

After entering the Tower, all he had were his friends.

But Bam can't even talk about his friends.

Otherwise, FUG would know which ones to target first.

And so, he opted to keep his silence and he grew more reticent as the years passed.

Within the darkness he now lived in, Bam chose to hide behind the mask of an emotionless Jue Viole Grace.

His master most likely have noticed it. Hwaryun as well.

But that's fine. Because in FUG, they're the ones who wouldn't threaten him and would keep quiet of what they know of him. All Bam had to do was to ensure everything was going well in their end.

While Bam will not speak about his friends, he had no qualms staring at anything that vaguely reminds him of them.

Just like how at night, Bam would look at the night sky.

He'd look at the fake stars and see how some stars were blue, red and yellow. He knew that despite its beauty, it was just a fake. It didn't look important, and to Bam, it wasn't anything worth risking your life for by entering the Tower.

It won't be long until he'd find himself looking at the shinsu moon instead.

The silvery glow and somewhat bluish tone would remind him of a certain Lightbearer's soft-looking hair. One that Bam longs to see again and maybe... touch next time.

And then when the day comes, he'd find himself looking at the midday sky. It was at that time, that the sky was the bluest, yet it didn't seem to compare to the pretty blue he remembered from that person's eyes...

When Bam had a choice on which fruit to eat, he'd find himself opting for banana that a certain alligator loved to eat...

At those times, he'd find some color returning in his world.

For six years, he continued existing just like that. It can't even be called 'living' when he felt so dead inside.

Hoping to see his friends again, even knowing that it was a futile wish.

But most of all, to see those blue eyes stare at him again, to see that cold face to soften into a smile for him, to hold those warm hands again...

Unshed tears pooled at the corners of Bam's eyes, his chest tightening in response with the realization that he truly, truly, truly misses Khun.

Will he ever meet him again?

The cobalt blue seemed extremely vivid against the black that filled Bam's world.

Chapter Text

After passing the 20th floor, a few more colors somehow forced themselves into Bam's dark world.

Colors that had been thoroughly uninvited at the start.

Ones that almost caused Bam to lose one of his friends.

Bam's relationship with the members of Team Sweet and Sour had been pretty antagonistic at first. Most of the members didn't like him as he previously tried to fail them.

Some of them directly threw insults at him for being a member of FUG, while others are just barely tolerating him with one or two were outright terrified of him.

Bam couldn't blame them. So they shouldn't blame him either if he didn't like them as their actions could have killed one of his friends.

If his master wasn't there to negotiate with those Elders at the top, FUG most likely would have killed off one of his friends as a warning to him.

If he knew that's how they're gonna play with regards to that test, and that it might put his friends' lives in jeopardy, then he would have just made them fail right from the moment he saw them.

Injuring them to fail the test is much better than risking his own friends's lives, at least he could guarantee that they'd still survive afterwards.

If his friends get targeted by FUG? There's almost no way for them to live through it. Not that Bam didn't trust his friend's abilities, but FUG is filled with Rankers - High Rankers, even - who can easily crush Regulars like them just like stepping on ants.

The thought that a certain blue-haired Lightbearer was almost killed because of Bam's mistake brought Bam countless sleepless nights.

If it weren't for the fact that Khun had been a pretty high-profiled Regular - due to his exemplary display of abilities and that he was from the Ten Great Families - that his actions were constantly being reported on by paparazzi and spread all over the news that Bam could easily get news regarding him.

If Khun had died, the news channels in the Tower would have had a field day playing detective and deducing who he offended and why he was killed.

But there weren't any news like that.

A single news source might have missed it, so Bam checked at least ten others. FUG might not have immediately went after his friends but have just delayed it, so Bam frequented the news or even gossip channels to see if there's any unexpected news.

Bam knew he was being paranoid but he couldn't help it. Bam couldn't afford to lose them even more than losing his sanity from worrying over them.

He even have half a mind to trade this team's lives for his original friends, if it came to it. He'd get hurt either way so FUG honestly wouldn't care that much which one they'd kill, but they'd be different kinds of pain.

The pain and guilt of seeing someone die in front of your eyes because you chose their death over others, it'd leave a psychological shadow on Bam's mind which FUG would be more than happy to see happen to him. Even then, that's still something that Bam could take.

What Bam won't be able to take is his friends - whom he'd been fighting for all these years to keep them safe - die because of some strangers Bam failed to properly assess and eliminate just like he had always done before.

Just because he let himself feel a moment of pity towards them.

It wasn't until half a year had passed that nothing happened that Bam was able to calm down a little.

It was only then that Bam was able to look at his new 'team' with a more neutral attitude.

This in turn made them more amiable to him than before and made his stay at the team more tolerable.

They did spend spend some time together, even longer than Bam had spent with Khun and the others, so it was inevitable that their colors stained his world even just a little bit.

But if Bam was being honest, he still missed his original team more.

His very first friends in the Floor of Tests that looked at him and accepted him for who he is without any prejudices.

That beautiful blue color that took his breath away as if bewitching him in the simplest of gestures was something that was just a matter of course.

Those laughter-filled meal times with everyone, the peaceful breaks between lessons idly spent together and those occasional sleepovers... Bam really missed those times.

With the time spent with Team Sweet and Sour, Bam gradually found the team to be a small haven from his ever chaotic life.

Not quite like the heaven that he had in Khun and Rak and their other friends in the Floor of Tests where he never had to put any walls or guards to begin with, but close enough to at least temporarily put his guard down.

But hey, if they work well as a substitute for his actual friends, what's wrong with treating them a little better?

They're more than just passing 'acquaintances' but less than 'friends' that Bam would be willing to risk his life for.

Bam didn't want to have more friends anyway. Friends that FUG would hold against him as hostage and he won't be able to keep.

In any case, if 'Viole' looked like he'd gotten closer to these new 'friends', FUG would most likely target them first than his original friends, thinking that it'll break 'Bam' more thoroughly to see people he knew killed right in front of him.

So that'll be the best for Bam.

Even though that's what Bam originally thought, even though Bam merely wanted them to be substitutes...

Ones that will take the pointed knife away from his friends even for just a moment...

He didn't expect that they'd grow more than just that.

Although not as precious in his heart as his original friends, they were no longer just temporary replacements and they gradually became their own person in Bam's mind.

His new friends.

His dark world was filled with a few more drops of color.

Chapter Text

Blue.

Bam had imagined his reunion with Khun countless of times. No matter how improbable that reunion may be, a boy can still dream, right?

And in all of those make-believe scenarios, Bam had firmly believed it to be a happy one. One where he could openly run towards that familiar figure without thinking of the consequences. One where he was free from FUG and all the terrors of the Tower.

They may simply be delusions to others but to Bam, those same delusions are what kept him going when there's nothing left for him to live for.

But fate was so cruel, his reality so far from his desired dreams.

He wanted to meet Khun, to see him so badly it hurts.

But he never wanted their meeting to be like this.

One where they stood on opposite sides, Khun coming to his friends's rescue, those very friends that Bam had just been fighting a while ago.

One where he so badly wanted to run to Khun's side but there's FUG holding him back, threatening to kill Bam's precious Lightbearer if he so much tries anything that would reveal his identity as the "Twenty-fifth Bam".

So Bam had to hold back the tears that he could feel form on his eyes - if the heat on his eyes were to be believed - and choke back the cries that threatened to spill from his throat.

Cries of the name he'd often call out at his dreams.

And instead, spout out lies he never meant.

"Yes, what she says is true, son of Khun." Bam spoke, his usual gentle voice altered into a deeper and rougher voice by the Rabbit-eared Lightbearer's lighthouse.

"I tried to kill you. That's why I laid this trap and waited for you." It took all Bam had to keep his voice from cracking at the bullshit he was spouting.

Took all of the restraint in every single fiber of his being not to just rush into Khun's arms and try to escape with him and leave everything behind.

It was so hard. So difficult for Bam to stay in place as he looked down from above the rubble, their distance so close it could be bridged in one leap.

So near where he could clearly see Khun's features even amidst the darkness, with the light from the entrance shining bright behind him and should have obscured his vision.

Bam could see how Khun's body had grown and matured into a fine young man despite the brown cloak he wore hiding most of the blunette's body. Those silvery blue locks of hair pulled into a low ponytail, looking as silky as ever, even in this kind of situation.

That beautiful yet cold face which only ever looked soft when in front of Bam. Still as perfect as before yet tinged with a familiar yet unfamiliar edge to it.

Like a sheathed knife that's now showing its blade.

Bam made sure to memorize this new Khun in front of him... Who knows when Bam will see him again?

Even when he worked for FUG, Bam never really spoke much to others, much less speak like an evil tyrant that FUG made him out to be.

So Bam could only improvise at the spot, speaking words of what he thought an 'evil' person would say to drive others in fear.

"Run away, Khun Aguero Agnis." Bam turned away and tried to walk away. "...and wish that... .We will never cross paths again."

Yet so far that Khun won't be able to recognize him as 'Bam' and only see him as 'Jue Viole Grace', just like how Bam couldn't take that leap to cross that distance and return to the other's side.

We won't be able to go back to how things used to be... No matter how much we wanted to.

He had to leave now, otherwise Bam might not be able to control himself and just throw everything else out of the window.

"Hey, Slayer Nominee." Khun's voice rang out from behind Bam, forcing him to look back once more.

Bam knew he should ignore it and act as if he didn't hear it but a part of himself wanted to stay.

Wanted to listen to that calm voice laced with an amused tone. Even without turning, Bam could tell that Khun was smirking.

"I don't know where you're from, but you should practice more to seem like an evil king." And there Khun goes, easily tearing apart the lies and mean facade that Bam put up - using all of his nonexistent skills as a liar - like it's some flimsy paper meant to be torn in the first place.

"Your evil act is like right out of a lame novel. It's so obvious that you're acting." People are born evil, not made evil. Khun knew this fact well, after all he was one of those born evil.

"What was that? Your acting made me cringe." And as an evil person, it's only right and proper to mock the other's subpar imitation of how people like him should be.

"You're trying to let me go on purpose, aren't you? Why?" Khun questioned, not the least bit afraid to demand answers even when he's not exactly in the position to do so.

"Why? Tell me honestly. Don't beat around the bush." Bam unconsciously gulped at the words, his lips forming into a small and almost unnoticeable yet proud smile.

Yes, that's the Khun he knows.

I can't trick you, Khun...

"I meant what I said." Bam replied, another boneless lie slipping past his lips.

But I can't tell you the truth either.

A short moment of inattention and that's all it took for Khun's teammates to steal the bomb's switch from FUG's Lightbearer.

Khun's teammates were superb. Without exchanging a single word, they moved so in sync that for a moment, Bam was unable to respond.

Of course they'd be amazing, they're Khun's teammates after all. Khun won't settle for less as he only deserves the best.

"Novick!" The gleeful call that slipped Khun's mouth, saying another person's name with such relief on his face brought Bam back to reality.

It should have been Bam's name that Khun called out like that. Bam that brought that relieved expression on Khun's face. Bam that took all of Khun's undivided attention for himself.

Seeing another man take his place even just for a moment, a pang of unidentified emotion struck Bam's chest. It felt awful and made dark thoughts swim around his head. It made him burn with inexplicable rage, one that spoke with the demons in Bam's heart that he kept well-hidden and tucked away.

It should have been Bam that was at Khun's side, not that man.

Who is this Novick person to stay by Khun's side and make the blunette put so much trust in him? For Khun to be glad at his achievements?

What gave him the right to do that when Bam couldn't?!

It should have been Bam who's by Khun's side!

Out of spite, Bam's body had already moved on its own, taking over the pink lighthouses around him and used it to boost his own skills - Reverse Flow Shinsu Control.

What the hell. Bam originally thought that Novick person was good, his earlier compliments and appreciation for the other gone and nowhere to be found, apparently he wasn't as good as he seemed to Bam if Bam could stop him with just that.

He was so weak that even Bam was better than him. How could he protect Khun with that meager strength of his?

Someone like him shouldn't even think of taking Bam's place.

Even if they're not together, they shouldn't think of filling up Bam's spot next to Khun.

That spot next to Khun is Bam's. Always will be Bam's.

He'd kill anyone who tries otherwise.

Really, his stay at FUG might have broken Bam more than he knew. His personality twisted beyond salvation, his mentality darker than jet black.

Bam could only ever try to hold it back, this different 'Bam' from showing up on normal times. Even more so when faced with his precious one.

Bam wouldn't want Khun to look at him differently, should he still recognize him and realize that he was 'Bam' - the "Twenty-fifth Bam" from the Floor of Tests.

Focused on getting the switch from the now hateful man without killing him in the process, Bam missed how Khun's eyes widened at the familiar skill he had unintentionally shown.

...or maybe, at the back of his mind, the part of him who wanted Khun to recognize him... it was actually intentional?

Bam passed the switch back to the Xiaxia - yes, that's the name of the annoying Rabbit-eared Lightbearer in red clothes - whose brain soon went haywire and gone insane.

"You are my god." She said.

But Bam couldn't register the ridiculous statements she made, his brain only processing the fact that the Hand of Arlene was crumbling and that Khun was in danger.

Bam couldn't care less if it was himself that was in danger. He was never afraid of dying in the first place. There were things far more terrifying to Bam than death.

But not Khun.

Khun should never be in danger.

Never.

"No! Khun!" A desperate cry tore its way out of Bam's mouth, too preoccupied to use the voice changer as he called out to his precious precious friend, no longer caring if the other finds out who he was.

"Run away, Khun! It's a trap!" The lies he painstakingly said to push the other away to protect him, the cold and uncaring attitude he used to alienate himself from Khun, Bam now denied and cried out honest pleas for the blunette to go. "Run away! NOW!"

It was a trap. A trap meant to catch both of them in it.

Without any hesitation, he threw his pocket - the very pocket Princess Yuri and Evan gave him at the First Floor and he so treasured as it was a reminder of the wonderful times he spent with his friends back in the Floor of Tests - to Khun's direction.

Desperately hoping, praying to whichever god out there that was willing to listen, to keep Khun safe.

That his teammates at Team Sweet and Sour will look for him because of Horyang - Bam didn't even consider the possibility that they would look for him as well and not just Horyang - and find Khun instead.

To find Khun and save him.

To save his personal heaven from this hell.

So that the brilliant blue he oh-so-adored will continue living on, even without him.

So please save Khun, even if Bam would be damned.

Chapter Text

"What... happened in there...?"

A mess of rubble and debris on what once had been a famous tourist spot called Hand of Arlene greeted Wangnan. The place was wrecked so thoroughly that he can't even see its resemblance from the picture he saw before.

And this was the place where Horyang and Viole went to.

Wangnan shared a glance with Prince, Ehwa and Arkraptor.

Shouts of 'Viole', 'Mr. Horyang' and 'Where are you's soon echoed in the surrounding area as the four of them seaeched for traces of the two.

Despite their cries, no one answered.

"W-wangnan!" Ehwa's alarmed shout stopped the blonde from further yelling.

"What's wrong, Flamethrower?"

"Viole's... Pocket is under here..." Ehwa answered, her eyes not leaving the pink orb in front of her.

Hearing those words, it didn't take long for Wangnan to decide on his next actions, disregarding the pink-eyed girl's protests.

And he blew the obstructing rocks to bits.

Smoke filled their vision as rumbing sounds alerted the other two to rush towards their side.

"There's a person!" Prince exclaimed as they searched through the opening.

But instead of the familiar figure they expected, it was someone completely different, one that they were not acquainted with.

The pocket glowed like a guiding light above the person whom from a distance, the group couldn't immediately tell if it's a man or a woman, the person's hair looking almost silver under the fake moonlight.

Upon rescuing the person and bringing them to their current base after panicking and arguing with his team along the way, Wangnan could finally properly observe the other's features.

It was a man around their age with pale skin and silvery blue hair - reminiscent of a certain Great Family - with a rather lean build. His face was pleasant to look at and if Wangnan was being honest, it was downright attractive.

The kind that most women(and some men) would drool after while men would consider as a face belonging to a public enemy of mankind due to how unfairly beautiful it was.

While asleep, the person looked so peaceful as if he couldn't hurt a fly but considering how he's climbed this far on the Tower, his abilities should be something else.

But why was Viole's pocket with him?

While Wangnan had been distracted with Viole's relationship with the stranger, Ehwa - being Ehwa - set the acupuncture needle on the stranger on fire.

This immediately led to loud bickering between them.

Hence neither of them noticed when their patient opened his eyes and woke up.

It was only when that same acupuncture needle - previously flaming and impossible to extinguish according to Ehwa at that - was pointed at Wangnan's throat while a hand gripped the back of his head towards the needle did they find out.

The first thing that Wangnan realized wasn't the needle's point prickling the skin on his neck but rather, the stranger's eyes were oh so blue.

That confirmed it.

He was from the Khun family.

Khun Aguero Agnis.

It turns out that he was one of Viole's friends. Friends that Viole did everything so he could protect their lives even if it meant being a pawn of FUG.

If Wangnan was to compare Khun to Viole, the two of them were like day and night. He couldn't even figure out how the two of them got acquainted or even became friends with the difference in their personalities.

Yet it was clear that despite being separated from each other for who knows how long, the Lightbearer still knows Viole better than any of them in Sweet and Sour did.

Whereas Viole was silently warm, Khun was blaringly cold. Wangnan would have thought it was the 'opposites attracts' concept but the two of them were so different it wouldn't work at all.

Wangnan had seen a couple of Khun children during his climb in the Tower but there was something awfully similar with this specific Khun that the blonde couldn't just put his finger onto.

It gave him the feeling that he'd seen him somewhere before - maybe he did, since the other was a celebrity among Regulars - but on a closer setting. But Wangnan was sure they never met before as he would have remembered such a unique person.

And then Miseng said it.

"...he looks like he'd fit in Viole's room back in our previous base." Wangnan's eyes widened at those words.

Oh shit.

Of course. Viole's room had been filled with trinkets or anything with the exact same blue of this man's hair and eyes.

Although the Khuns were known for their blue hair and eyes and their particularly great genes, there were still variations between the shades and tones of their signature hair and eye color.

But the blues on Khun Aguero Agnis? It's exactly the same as the ones in Viole's room.

Also, while Viole would single-handedly make their group breeze through the tests, Khun forced them to take it by themselves, to mostly rely on themselves and not him.

He trained and led them and Wangnan had to admit that despite the hellish training, it pushed them to be even better at the short amount of time the Lightbearer had been with them.

If there's differences, then there's also similarities.

Despite how they outwardly looked or acted, both of them were unexpectedly kind people. At times, they were even too kind to a fault.

They both liked looking at the sky whenever they had a chance to relax, as if there's an invisible comfort looking at that monotonous scene, as if they weren't looking at the sky but at something else. The only difference is that Viole would spend more time staring at the day sky while Khun was at the night sky.

Both of them cared a lot for their friends, even much more than a person normally would. It's just a question on whether or not could a person make the two of them consider them as a friend for Khun and Viole to show that warmth.

Both Viole and Khun were monsters when compared to the individual members of their team. Even if it's just the two of them against the whole Team Sweet and Sour, Wangnan doubts his team would win. On the slightest chance that they did win, it'll be at an extremely high price, one that the blonde wouldn't even dare imagine.

Wangnan prays to whichever god there was that such a day would never happen.

After spending time with Viole, Team Sweet and Sour gradually saw him as a member of their family. And for your family, you'd like them to smile and be happy, right?

Viole hardly smiles and even if he did, his smiles were small and extremely rare. Almost to the point where Wangnan and the others would think that they're just hallucinating when they saw it.

It was to the point that their team had a little competition on who could make Viole smile the brightest.

It was a complete lost for their whole team though.

The first time Wangnan saw Viole smile so widely was during the Workshop battle.

It was when Wangnan had told Viole that Khun was with him.

Now, Viole did smile when he saw Wangnan but the moment the magic word "Khun" came out of the blonde's mouth, the smile on the Slayer Candidate's face lit up like there's a sun shining brightly within Viole.

Could that be considered as Wangnan's win then? Nah, that was obviously Khun's win.

"Judging from your face, you're not gonna run away this time?" He heard Khun asked from the floating vehicle behind Wangnan.

Wangnan couldn't see Khun's face but he could clearly hear the smile in his words.

And he could definitely see Viole's. 

"No!" The way those golden eyes sparkled like stars one second and then darken with an emotion the blonde couldn't quite understand before brightening again.

"Good. Wait a little, Bam." It was almost like Wangnan was witnessing an intimate promise between the two and he couldn't bring himself to interrupt. In fact, he felt that he shouldn't be there in the first place.

"I'll get that snake right now... And summon you right away."

Too bad they're not exactly in the situation where they could take it easy and Wangnan almost passed out from the pain of being stabbed near his heart.

After the Workshop Battle, Viole started smiling more. Not those small ones where you could hardly tell if he was smiling or not.

It was those smiles where his whole face just brightens up the area he's in.

He looked so happy with his friends now, Wangnan mused but then he glanced at a certain blunette who just entered the room.

The moment Khun entered the room, Viole's eyes immediately followed his figure and the smile on his face widened when the blunette approached him.

They seem really close.

So close that they do almost everything together. They even sleep in the same room with Rak, right?

"... don't you think they're too close?" Ehwa muttered near him, she was watching the two as well.

More like watching Viole to be honest.

"Isn't that a good thing, though?" Wangnan commented. "It'll be sad if they didn't care for Viole as much as he did for them."

Ehwa side-eyed him before leaving. "That's not what I meant."

They're too close.

While Viole certainly cared for all of his friends, it was evident that the blue Lightbearer takes the top spot.

It's easy to take Viole's attention, every single one of his friends were trying to do so, to make up for the lost time.

But the moment that Khun approaches Viole, Viole would always have a portion of his attention on the blunette, even if he was speaking to others.

It was also uncanny how all they need to do is say each other's name and the other would instantly understand.

They'd had a few mock battles before. Team Sweet and Sour versus Team RakKhunBam.

It would mostly end in a tie despite Sweet and Sour's number advantage but Wangnan was aware that the trio had been going easy on them.

Viole was trying to get used to the thorn's power and was careful not to overdo it and hurt them. Rak was mostly using his Madshocker -a throwing spear- to parry and go on close-ranged brawls instead of actually throwing it at them.

There's no need to even mention Khun. He'd been fighting extremely fairly without any underhanded tactics at all.

It would have been so easy for him to beat them if Khun decided to use those schemes.

After all, those mock battles had been for training and for them to get used to each other's fighting style as a team ao they didn't try too hard. Turns out there wasn't much calibration needed for those three.

It was almost as if they never got separated at all.

It was extremely embarassing but Wangnan could now understand why those people at FUG had been so unhappy with their team accompanying Viole.

The level of Viole's original friends was too far apart from theirs. Heck, some of them are already D-rank regulars.

Wangnan glanced at the two who had started playing a console game, their heads almost bumping to each other, their shoulders touching.

A memory of the previous night coming to Wangnan's mind.

He was on his way back to his room from the toilet when he passed by the trio's room. Unlike usual, the door had been left open.

As a good friend, he decided to close it for them but not before he saw the scene within.

Rak had his head pressed against Viole's back while Viole had been holding Khun in his sleep.

Khun had been laying on his back, sleeping without a care - how rare, while the brunette's face buried in Khun's neck as his limbs wrapped around the Lightbearer's body.

Yeah...

Maybe a bit too close.

Chapter Text

Favorites.

Everyone has it, whether it came from an unconscious bias as a child or a conscious decision as an adult. And even when a person finds a new favorite, their first favorite would always remain as well.

It'd be hard to completely drop off their first favorite as the attachment had already been formed.

For Bam, this had been the case between pale yellow and brilliant blue. Between Rachel and Khun.

When Bam first saw the ceiling that trapped him open, it was the pale yellow belonging to Rachel that he first saw. To a person who'd been trapped in the darkness for so long, the first color he'd see would be the most beautiful one.

To the naive and clueless Bam back then, that pale yellow - although it was nothing special or eye-catching - became his favorite color.

His first favorite color which signified the first ray of hope.

When Bam met Khun in that dangerous field of yellow, where the smell of blood and terror of death reigned, Bam found his second favorite color.

In a place where everyone else tried to kill one another, the beautiful boy with silvery blue hair and sapphire blue eyes had repeatedly protected and saved him even without knowing him, offering him friendship and a promise to climb up the Tower together.

A brilliant and stunning blue similar to the boy's eyes.

To Bam, it signified safety, friendship and home.

If Rachel brought light to the dark cave that Bam lived in, then Khun brought Bam out from the darkness to the open world.

So when that pale yellow of hope pushed him to darkness, and made him lose the brilliant blue of friendship, Bam couldn't believe it.

But even then, Bam couldn't bring himself to let go of that color.

It was his first favorite, his only favorite for the longest time until the pretty blue color came along.

"...Rachel...?"

So when Bam saw that color again in the Hell Train station, Bam lost focus of everything else, his eyes only seeing that favorite color, disregarding even his precious friends.

"Bam...!" Khun called out to Bam, he could hear the blunette's worried voice and yet his mind refused to comprehend or pay attention to it.

"Rachel..." Bam repeated the name however the other did not respond. But aside from that name, he didn't know what else to say to the other.

Bam knew that they'd eventually meet and he'd picture how it'd go and yet when Rachel was right in front of him, the words just wouldn't come out.

What should Bam say to her? "Long time no see"? Or just a plain old "How have you been"?

Should he tell her that he missed her?

Or would it be better to ask why she's scheming such a thing? And what was she after?

Bam unconsciously clenched his fists.

Or before anything...

Should he ask...

Why on earth did you push me off in that place?

Bam never understood why Rachel had to push him off during that test.

All Bam wanted was to not be left behind by that person that meant the most to him. He entered the Tower just so he could follow her. When Rachel had been in danger, Bam threw away the victory his new friends and teammates worked so hard for and deserved, just so he could protect her.

When Bam found out that the blonde's legs were incurable and she might have to give up on her dream of reaching the stars...

He did not hesitate to look for his friends and ask for their help to bring her up the Tower - no matter how embarrassing that had been considering how they lost the Crown Game just because of Bam's actions to protect Rachel.

When Rachel couldn't proceed to the next floor due to her supposed injury, Bam didn't hesitate to reveal his status as an Irregular - even with Princess Yuri's and Leroro's warnings about them - just so he'd be able to get a chance for Rachel to continue climbing the Tower.

Only to be pushed by her in the very last moment, with nary an explanation.

Yet all of that had been an intricately woven plan for Bam to fall into FUG's hands.

So when he saw Rachel again, and she tried to leave him once more, Bam went berserk.

"...Rachel! I -" Before Bam could even for a complete sentence, or even just one coherent phrase, the blonde girl had already cut him off.

"Why did you follow me again, Bam?" The displeasure in the blonde Lightbearer's voice was clear - even to Bam - to hear.

It made Bam freeze on his tracks, as he had been unconsciously inching towards her.

"And why... Are you still alive?" The glare directed at Bam made Bam's heart throb painfully. It was the look of someone who genuinely did not wanted to see the other and even hoped for the other to disappear forever.

"You were supposed to be dead back then." The expression that Rachel had and words she spat out were far from the kind and caring ones in Bam's memories.

It was full of malice and hate.

"Why... am I still alive...?" Bam's lips quivered as he repeated the question Rachel threw at him.

Why am I still alive? Why am I still alive? Why am I still alive?!

Like a broken tape, the question played in Bam's head and yet Bam couldn't think of an answer to it.

He's alive... Wasn't that supposed to be a good thing? Why was it that to Rachel - who had been Bam's friend - it was such a bitter pill to swallow?

Like she earnestly wished for him to be dead.

They were friends... And friends were supposed to care for each other.

Back when Bam had been with FUG, all Bam could ever think about was how he could keep his friends alive.

For them to be safe even without him by their side.

So why was it that Rachel wanted the opposite for Bam?

"...why would you say that?" When Bam finally found the courage to voice out his questions, like a dam being opened, his words flooded out without restraint.

"Why are you saying things like that? Rachel..." His head hung low and the usually bright golden orbs became dim and dull. "Aren't you supposed to make excuses or anything?"

Perhaps if she did, Bam might just be able to forgive the incident of that year and get along with her peacefully just like their times back in the cave. He could pretend that there's nothing wrong and that Rachel betraying him never happened.

"I've followed you this far because I had faith in you..." Bam could even fool himself into thinking that Rachel had no choice back then, that she was in a terrible situation that she just couldn't tell Bam and had to do what she did back then.

But Rachel didn't speak a word. It was as if even replying to his interrogations wasn't even worth her effort.

"Rachel... You know, I..." And it's breaking Bam more than if she had lied to him, even when they both knew it was a lie. "I came all the way here just to find you.

"I don't care about this Tower or whatever the stars look like! All I needed was just you!" Bam knew that all the hurt and pain he suffered throughout the years were leaking into his voice. But what could he do?

The person he trusted the most, the person he trusted the longest...

It was the same person who cruelly betrayed him.

"But why are you..."

"I have something to accomplish, Bam." Finally Rachel spoke, but even then, her face remained unmoved, as if she wasn't the one who inflicted that pain in Bam. As if those words were enough of a reason to explain her actions all those years ago.

"Is that... more important than me?" Bam asked in a small voice. He's terrified of asking this question, of hearing her answer and yet he needed to hear her answer in her own words.

Because there's a part of him still hoping... That Rachel regretted her actions back then, even just a little, and that Rachel came to her senses after all these years.

And yet her answer was the one that extinguished Bam's hope.

"Yes." Without a single change in her expression, without the slightest guilt, Rachel killed that hope. "Much more."

All the lies, reasons and excuses that Bam made, that Bam told to himself in Rachel's defense in his attempt to maintain the girl's image in his mind shattered like glass.

How could Bam even continue to deceive himself when the person herself spoke the truth beneath all those deceptions?

There was a part of Bam that had always known it. A part of him that knew it all along but Bam - who was so desperate to get back that first favorite - denied it so vehemently.

He opted to believe in the lies that he wove himself because that's the much easier way.

"No... I don't..." Bam murmured. "That's..."

When the lies keeping his sanity intact, when the person he deemed his reason for living denied him, denied his very existence...

To Bam, that was...

"...unacceptable."

The thorn lit up behind Bam's body, blazing red and oozing with unbridled rage and power, whispering madness and destruction, consuming Bam's mind like a demon unleashed.

Questions filled Bam's head.

Why?

Why is Rachel trying to leave me?

What is it that's so important to her?

Stars? Something that's up there?

Is that why she pushed me over? Because FUG promised her to help her go up the Tower?

Fists clenched so tight that his fingers dug crescents onto his palms, and yet Bam did not feel the pain at all.

All he felt was the red hot blaze of anger surging within him.

What on earth... is it?!

I don't need... Anything...

Bam could hear words being spoken all around him, he could hear the voices of Rachel, of Khun, of his friends and the rest of the people in the Station...

But the voices seemed so distant and faraway, so detached from his reality... Or maybe, it was Bam who was getting further and further away from reality?

He could only catch sight of another person speaking to Rachel, and the girl willingly followed after him.

And Bam felt so betrayed. This wasn't the first time Rachel betrayed him and yet, it hurt just as much, if not even more. Watching her betray him once again with his own eyes.

Why was Rachel following that guy when she just keeps on leaving Bam behind?

How so so so...

...unfair.

Just why was Rachel so adamant in leaving Bam behind?

...Bam didn't want to think anymore.

And so he let the darkness consume his mind as his body moved on its own, let himself be driven by pure instinct and madness.

His body moved in a flash, powered by the blazing thorn behind him, he was already in front of the one who tried to leave him behind.

There was still a small part of his consciousness that told him not to hurt that precious pale yellow color and so his fist directed itself to the one that Bam had no qualms hitting at all.

Even when his fist landed a direct hit, when he heard the tiled floor cracking into pieces, Bam didn't feel any satisfaction at all. Even the way that Rachel's shocked eyes focused on him didn't make Bam feel a single thing, the happiness and delight he used to feel when he simply saw the blonde girl he considered his friend.

Bam couldn't feel anything at all.

All he knew was that he's not letting himself be get left behind again.

"No, Rachel. You're not going anywhere." The words were growled out from Bam's throat and he could hear her call out his name, trying to placate him but Bam wasn't interested in hearing any excuses anymore.

What's the point of hearing them anyway? They're just excuses.

Lies.

"I cannot understand you with such words..." Like watching a movie from a screen, Bam could see himself approaching the blonde girl and yet he could not control his actions at all. "If you really insist to leave me..."

"I'll have to stop you myself." He could hear Khun's worried shouts behind him, that brilliant blue color calling out to him, and yet even when Bam wanted to turn and reassure the other, his body was already moving on its own, words incessantly spilling from his lips.

"Bam! Stop, Bam!" Bam couldn't see the blunette's expression but he could well imagine how troubled he looked like. The voice he heard alone conveyed that much. "You will put yourself in danger if the thorn starts to go berserk!"

"You've got to get a grip now! You shouldn't use more of the thorn's power!" Bam knew that the blue Lightbearer was worried for Bam's sake and yet...

What could Bam do?

"But... I can't hold onto her without using this power." He couldn't stop now.

Standing in front of her, just a few steps apart, Bam spoke.

"Let's go, Rachel... Let's go back to where we came from..."

Afterwards, Bam couldn't register anything else. Everything was a blur, his own movements and the colors that filled his vision. He could vaguely recognize a set of colors as a person, a sound a voice, the contact his body made as he fought.

Leaping up high to catch up to that pale yellow color, fully intending on stopping the other from boarding the Hell Train, Bam's fist had been raised up and poised for a punch.

But then Rachel stood up in front of her colleagues - stood up for them the way she never did for Bam, not even during the Crown Game - and had her arms raised to block them from Bam.

Knowing full well that Bam would not hit her at all. After all, he had many chances earlier, didn't he? But he didn't.

"No, Bam. I must get on the Train." And from her lips came cruel words. "If you must stop me... Just kill me right here."

Cruel because she never gave Bam any choice at all.

Cruel because she knew that Bam would never even hurt her and so she forced him to leave her himself.

And just like that time in the Floor of Tests, using those same hands...

"Sorry Bam. This place is not for you to come up."

She pushed him away from herself as she spoke of words reminiscent to the ones she often told Bam on why he's not allowed out of the cave.

Sorry Bam. Only the chosen lives up here. You're not chosen hence you cannot live up here.

As she cruelly sent him off to his death, Bam could now clearly hear the lies in her words.

She wasn't sorry at all.

Even though falling from that height normally wouldn't kill Bam at all, as he was able to fly using the Blue Oar...

How could he save himself if he lost all will to live?

The thorn's power finally receding and fading out of sight, Bam let himself fall as his eyes fell close and darkness descended upon his mind.

If it weren't for his friends - his friends he paid no heed to upon seeing her - saving him, Bam would have died from the drop.

Just why... did Rachel keep on throwing him onto an abyss of despair?

The color that once taught Bam of hope... started to fade away in white.

Chapter Text

Khun was avoiding Bam.

It wouldn't take a genius to realize that.

Ever since the events on the Train City, the sapphire blue color that used to surround Bam like a gentle cocoon whenever possible became even colder and turned into a distant icy blue.

And there's nothing that Bam could do about it.

Khun had tried to kill Rachel while Bam almost left them behind just because of Rachel.

...not to mention the fact that it was Bam himself who told them that he wanted to go back to that time in the cave... Essentially leaving all of his friends - even Khun - behind.

It was understandable how fragile their current relationship with and yet Bam couldn't help but feel hurt with the treatment he's receiving from the blue-eyed boy.

It wasn't that Khun was outright ignoring Bam.

Khun was still speaking to him and yet, it was evident that the way the blunette treated him was different from before. The small yet soft smiles, the occasional gentle touches, the comforting words and the way that Khun's presence was just around the corner and was always there when Bam needed him the most.

It was gone.

There was a feeling of alienation coming from the blunette and Bam couldn't blame him.

Why?

Because Bam was no longer that dumb and naive boy from the Floor of Tests who knew nothing about the world.

It was in the way that Khun's teammates avoided any mentions of Rachel at all or on the off-chance they even heard the name, various looks ranging from disdain, dislike, or even hatred would cross their faces. Ran, Novick and Dan were the remaining teammates Khun had before the blue-eyed boy reunited with him after the Workshop Battle.

According to Shibisu, Khun had taken Rachel up the Tower according to Bam's wishes and even formed a separate team for them. Just the fact that Khun had tried to fulfill his wishes even without knowing the truth of the events in that year made Bam feel both pleased and guilty.

Pleased because it meant that he got his wish and Khun never forgot about him yet also guilty because he practically forced Khun apart from their other friends just so he could bring Rachel up the Tower for Bam.

Needless to say, these teammates were also the ones that Rachel had been with during the years that Bam had been away in FUG.

For all of them to react that negatively towards Rachel... Something definitely happened during their time together. One that was disastrous enough that all three team members had no qualms against having the blonde Lightbearer killed.

If they so much as thought that Bam would try to blame Khun for his attempt on the blonde's life, all three of them would immediately be on the defensive against Bam.

If it's just Ran alone, Bam might not think too much about it. After all, Khun and Ran were cousins from the same Great Family, it's understandable that they'd try to cover and protect each other.

Although the Khun Family wasn't exactly known for closeness and loyalty, it appeared that these two blunettes were an exception as they were extremely protective of each other.

Climbing the Tower together for years wouldn't necessarily make you friends. Bam knew that fact first and foremost. Wasn't that exactly how he climbed the Tower for years until the time he got reunited with his real friends?

So even if Novick and Dan respected Khun as their leader and they might even consider him as their friend, that shouldn't affect their view towards Rachel either as those are separate issues.

But all three of them acting the same way? Now that's a different story.

Although none of them said anything specific, their silence alone conveyed what they wouldn't say.

It painted a picture filled with so many possibilities, each one worse than the last.

And Bam couldn't exactly just ask what happened when even he himself was partially involved with the incident at the Hand of Arlene where he didn't exactly make the best of impressions.

Especially with how obviously biased he's shown himself towards anything Rachel-related, it would make the three of them guarded against Bam with regards to that topic.

Bam could probably ask Shibisu about what most likely happened during that time however it somehow felt wrong to ask the Scout for something that Bam could directly ask Khun about.

And so he didn't.

So even when Khun left his previous team behind to join Bam's, Khun's teammates directed worried glances on the blunette while sending Bam warning glares.

It was obvious how reluctant they were to part with the blue-haired Lightbearer and how they didn't trust Bam to take care of Khun.

"A.A," Bam could hear Ran call Khun in such an intimate way - a nickname Bam wouldn't even know Khun had if not for Ran calling the Lightbearer as such and Bam finds himself extremely envious of it as he was only ever allowed to call his friend as 'Khun' - before a pair of piercing blue eyes belonging to the shorter Khun descendant bore into Bam, "...if you ever got into trouble, call me right away. I'll make sure to kill the cause."

Khun laughed, and there was such a carefree and fond expression on the Lightbearer's face that Bam hadn't seen a while - especially not one directed to him after that whole Train City incident - as he ruffled Ran's hair, wishing the other good luck on their journey.

Maybe Ran saw how Bam was outright staring at his sibling-slash-cousin and maybe Bam couldn't hide whatever emotion he was feeling at the time, as the shorter blunette unexpectedly pulled Khun into a hug and although it was brief, Bam saw that Khun did not pull away and even returned the hug for a second before releasing it.

...not maybe. Ran definitely saw it.

And that hug was like a slap in Bam's face, as if to remind him that it was what Bam was trying to leave behind.

Who he was trying to leave behind.

Khun.

Khun who had always been gentle and kind and patient to Bam when Bam had nothing to offer the other.

Khun who never expected anything in return for everything that he's done for Bam - things that Bam may or may not even know.

Khun who had to suffer so much just so he could fulfill a dead boy's wish.

That same dead boy who would leave Khun behind just so he could go back to that time he wished.

A time where there was no Khun in Bam's life.

But what else could Bam do? The time he spent with Rachel and the ideals, memories and everything he learned from the girl was already wired into Bam's brain as his 'rule'.

It was something that even if Bam wanted to willingly change, it would be extremely difficult to do. Not to mention that right now, he was far from willing to actually do so.

So Bam could only maintain the current situation and just hope that things would eventually turn out for the better.

Sadly, if there was a god out there, then it definitely hated Bam.

As recently, the situation between them started getting worse to the point that Khun would often eat out alone and without even telling Bam.

It was right after that test where Bam went against Khun's plans a month ago and acted on his own just so they would be done with the test already. On his defense, Bam couldn't exactly control his instincts and reflexive actions at the time however it doesn't change the fact that the Khun became more distant after that test.

Now, Bam wasn't trying to monitor the other male's every movement but it certainly hurt a lot when Bam wasn't even given a chance to eat with the other and spend a few moments together... And perhaps, try to close the distance between them once more...

However, he wasn't even allowed to have that chance.

With the sudden distance between them, Bam grew to realize a few things he otherwise wouldn't have noticed.

Everyone always told Bam that Khun was a cold and cruel person - one that wouldn't hesitate to throw you out once your worth was used up - but the blunette had always shown Bam warmth and kindness that would drown a person so deep into it they wouldn't be able to extricate themselves from it.

They've told Bam that Khun would just use him and yet, it was Khun who sincerely helped Bam on everything, even when there's nothing for him to gain from it.

Everything people told and warned him about Khun was opposite to how Khun had been to Bam.

And for how special Khun had treated Bam, now that he treated him as just another teammate - one he'd rather steer clear from if possible, it made Bam's heart clench with an unfamiliar tightness.

Bam even found himself staring as Khun spoke and directed his azure orbs to another teammate, those eyes not straying towards Bam's direction if not needed.

Like a fish out of water, helplessly trying to drown in those blue depths that was Khun Aguero Agnis.

Unfortunately for Bam, as he chose to go after the distant yellow star instead of the welcoming blue depth, hence the ocean shied away from him and now while he could see it anytime, he could no longer set foot in it.

"What I'm saying is, there's no reason for me to fit my dining schedule or taste just to dine together, you dumb Gator." Khun only threw a side-glance at their direction, his nonchalant voice conveying only apathy and nothing else in it. "If you get what I'm saying, go find something that suits your taste and enjoy your meal, Gator."

Bam could only watched as Khun turned away and walked out of the room, completely disregarding Rak's not-so-subtle attempts to have him eat together with them, slamming the door behind him.

"Hmph! Forget it! Let's go eat for ourselves!" Rak announced, covering the palpable silence with his loud voice- silence that came along with Khun's departure.

So close it seems within reach but for every step Bam took, the waves rolled away from him maintaining that dizzyingly close distance.

As various thoughts swam on Bam's mind, his head throbbed in the now-familiar ache he knew was caused by the unstable power within him.

Something has started to change ever since the day they got out of Train City.

Both within his body and his relationship with the blue-haired Lightbearer.

And Bam didn't know if it would turn out for the best... Or will it get worse just like his strained relationship with Khun.

But Bam wasn't given much time to ponder on it or how to resolve it as black spots filled his vision and he could think no more.

The next few days was only a blur on Bam's mind, the constant headaches, dizziness and blackouts filling most of his memories of their reckless climb up the Tower to catch up to the Hell Train.

It was almost as if his body was on autopilot and it could only continue moving with the initial goat set in mind - to chase after Rachel - and ignore everything else. So even as his body fell down in the cold hard ground after the tests from overexertion, his mind tired and weary from the constant pains, Bam would still get up and force his way up the Floors.

So with his haze-filled mind, Bam missed the concern and attention that Khun was - finally - showering him with.

He failed to notice how the blue waves started inching towards him and yet he was the one who walked away from it.

So the blue blue color in Bam's world turned much much darker.

Because Bam was greedy and he wanted Rachel back in his life yet he also didn't want to leave Khun and his current friends behind.

So greedy he neglected the ones already by his side to chase after the one he didn't have.

And when Bam thought that his relationship was back to normal with Khun after everything they went through in the Hell Train, especially more so during the time they spent together in the Hidden Floor...

When the gentle touches, the soothing gestures, the patient and understanding smiles were back - Khun even started sharing room with Bam and Rak again - giving Bam more reasons to win over Jahad's data just so he could return to them...

An unexpected surprise waited for him after the fight.

A beautiful blue color encased in glass.... Just like a fairy tale - so pretty and still, it would take one's breath away.

The same blue color in Bam's world was no more.

Chapter Text

Two years.

In the Tower, two years was but a short span of time. For Rankers, it might even be just a mere blink of an eye. And in that short time frame, nothing of importance could possibly happen to be remembered for the next thousand years to come.

But for Bam, those two years had been the longest time in his life.

It was even worse compared to the seven years he had been forced to work with FUG with his friends' lives being held hostage. Because while he was forced to be a FUG Slayer Candidate and his friends' lives were on the line, he could at least guarantee their safety by doing his best.

But in the last two years? Although he willingly joined FUG to rescue his master, doing his best won't guarantee Khun's life.

Bam felt pathetic.

Both Khun and his master disappeared from his side almost at the same and for the same reason: Bam.

Khun got into a comatose because Bam trusted Rachel despite his friends' repeated warnings not to trust 'the blonde bitch'. It was Khun who paid the price for Bam's mistake. It was Khun who's tiptoeing the fine line between life and death even now.

Ha Jinsung had been captured by Jahad's forces in order to buy them some time to get to safety and his condition was unclear.

It was all Bam's fault.

Bam couldn't even personally go look for the Yeon Family Ranker to help awaken Khun from his coma.

And Bam hated it.

Hated how he couldn't be there for Khun when Khun needed him the most.

How Bam could do nothing while Khun was fighting for his life alone.

When Khun would have never found himself in such a dire situation if Bam had never allowed Rachel to come along with them, giving her a chance to harm Khun in a guise of helping.

Bam took a deep breath as he paused from his training, the shinsu loops behind him disappearing as he caught his breath.

Bam could still clearly remember how Ran - Khun's half-brother or maybe cousin, Bam wasn't sure - had cornered him as soon as the younger blunette saw him after receiving the news two years ago.

There was a storm brewing in the usually apathetic eyes of the shorter Khun descendant.

"What the hell did you do?!" Ran had shouted, his hands grabbing Bam’s shirt collar and pulling Bam down to his level. “A.A was fine! Hell, he was even doing great before you guys met up to board the Hell Train!”

Ran’s teammates were all at standby yet no one tried to pry Ran away from Bam. Novick and Dan, in particular, looked at Bam as if he was crazy for trusting such a person. Did he not know what Rachel did to their team?

Bam had been aware of it. However, simply being aware of it wasn't enough to stop his stupidity back then.

“A.A already wasted seven years of his life trying to fulfill your wish to bring that bitch up the Tower. Now what? You also want his life?" If it wasn’t for this bastard’s stupid wish, A.A would have been able to climb up the Tower faster. He wouldn’t have had to wear that caring mask Ran hated so much.

That caring and gentle facade that both he and A.A hated because that’s what everyone in their family wore - kind and harmless smiles - while planning on stabbing someone else’s back. It was a mask that neither of them wanted to wear unless absolutely needed.

And Khun wore it.

Just to keep his promise with a supposedly dead boy he barely even knew, Khun cruelly wore that mask he hated the most.

Someone who apparently wasn't even dead all those years ago.

“If A.A never woke up, I will kill you even if it’s the last thing I do!” Ran snarled before shoving Bam away from him, making him stumble and fall on his behind. The threat in those blue eyes clear for Bam to read.

‘You’re only alive because there’s still a possibility for A.A to wake up. If A.A dies, then you’ll be following him in the afterlife.’

The boy then left and surprisingly, he didn’t join the team trying to look for Yeon Woon.

Unsurprisingly, like two peas in a pod, crafted from the exact same mold...

...Ran went off and continued on the mission Khun gave him, to uphold his promise to A.A - the only one he ever considered to be his family despite the gigantic ‘Great Family’ they had.

In the past two years, Bam never saw Ran again. He occasionally received messages from Shibisu on how Ran was frequently calling him to check up on Khun's condition. There were times when Bam’s calls couldn’t get through to Shibisu’s pocket as the older Scout was already engaged in a call with Ran.

During the past two years, Bam had enough time to sort out what exactly he thought of and felt for the sleeping blunette.

...Khun wasn’t just some ‘teammate’.

Bam knew that.

A 'friend'? Definitely.

But everyone else was also his friend, and even between friends, there are levels of closeness: surface friends, casual friends, close friends, best friends.

It was one of the reasons why Bam couldn't help but call out to Khun when the blunette had been in danger back in the Hand of Arlene while he was fine with throwing bombs against Endorsi.

If it was two years ago, then Bam could confidently tell everyone that Khun was his best friend. He would be proud and happy to tell the whole Tower about it. That such an amazing person was his best friend and Bam could feel that Khun felt the same way too.

But now, calling Khun his 'best friend' didn't sit right with Bam. Sure, it meant they were extremely close to each other.

...but it also felt like he was drawing a line between him and Khun.

Like a glass wall separating them so that even if Bam wanted to reach out to Khun, his hands could only ever touch that glass wall and not pass through to the other side where Khun was and feel him.

Extremely similar to Khun's current condition where Bam couldn't even try to open the glass box to at least touch Khun or else Khun would slip through Bam's grasp - for good, this time.

See, Bam was an idiot when it comes to emotions. He couldn't describe what exactly he felt towards Rachel that made him go through hell because of her and yet still try to get her back.

But he knew that what he felt towards the blonde after what she did to Khun.

Rage. Malice. Bloodlust.

The desire to kill her and wipe any traces of her off. As if she was a stain that Bam never noticed was stuck onto him, one that was unsightly and would best disappear out of existence.

When Bam saw the familiar shades of blue in Ran's hair, it didn't comfort Bam despite the similarity. It only made his gut twist and turn in despair as that was NOT the color he wanted.

Those weren't the blues in Khun's hair and eyes.

It wasn't Khun's.

It felt like all the blue in Bam's world was dull and faded and almost gray and colorless.

A nightmare where there was not a speck of blue in his world - that blue that offered its hand to him, that blue that pulled him out from the darkness he was drowning in...

...that blue color which slowly but surely weaved itself in Bam's whole world, like a paint that seeped too deeply on a canvas it could no longer be washed away, forever staining it with its hue.

You can try covering it up by other colors but it's a fact that it remained even under the layers and layers of colors on top of it.

But there was no need for Bam to hide it.

In fact, he let it show just how much that vibrant blue occupied his world.

His short brown hair that was previously cut off and styled by Khun... Bam let it grow longer until it reached the same length as Khun's hair. Even his bangs, he let it grow a little longer, just a little past his eyebrows but not as long as his Jue Viole Grace days.

So when Bam looked at the mirror with his hair down, he'd see the same hairstyle as Khun's. It'd comfort Bam a bit, knowing that there was at least one similar thing between the two of them - that the slight resemblance made Bam feel as if Khun was just beside him.

Even the way that Bam dressed, it was extremely similar to how Khun would dress. It wasn't unusual for anyone to see him clothed in a white button up shirt, or just white shirts in general - a color he didn't wear often in the past as that was Khun's color and not his.

But Bam was lonely and every bit of Khun he could bring to himself counted.

Bam may or may not have dyed his hair a platinum blue color - a hair dye he may have custom ordered to resemble the original thing - on some occasions when he was very very lonely - much more so that usual - and needed to see more of that blue color than what's in his memory.

That way, if Bam was in front of a mirror in a dark room wearing a white shirt, he could easily pretend that the one staring back at him was Khun, instead of his own reflection.

When Shibisu told him that Khun had woken up from his coma, ecstasy filled Bam. He so damn wished he could just fly over floors and meet Khun up right away.

To see those beautiful blue eyes open again and hold that person in his arms.

To confirm with his own eyes, with his own body that Khun was really awake and back to him.

If it was only possible to drop everything at that moment, he would have done so. But they were on different floors and without a Guide, Bam couldn't descend to the Floor Khun was in.

And he was tied up with the responsibilities and obligations he had to fulfill for the choices he made in the past two years.

His golden eyes glowed with determination as he rushed through his mission - to persuade Louie to come with them and subsequently, free Dengdeng.

It didn’t matter if he seemed too pushy or forceful.

Bam just needed to get it over with so he could meet up with Khun.

So when his golden eyes caught sight of that vibrant blue he'd been missing for the past two years, he couldn't stop the smile that bloomed on his face, his legs already running towards that oh-so-dearly missed and beloved blue.

“Khun!”

Bam couldn't spare a second to think on how he left behind Louie and Dengdeng or what they thought of him.

“Khun!!”

His only thought was to run towards that figure clad in white and blue.

“I heard you woke up over the pocket! You look good!” Bam could hear himself ramble as he approached the blunette. Like an aged wine, time did no harm to Khun's appearance, only enriched and refined it further.

In the past two years that Bam hadn't seen the other, Khun had certainly grown more strikingly handsome.

“You bet! Thanks to you!” The easygoing and lighthearted laugh that Bam hadn't heard for a while made his heart flutter.

Silky silvery blue hair fluttered as Bam crashed onto those open arms awaiting him. He tightly embraced Khun who seemed to be shorter than him now for a few seconds and Bam could also feel Rak join in before pulling away.

Bam honestly wanted to stay in that position longer, but they were neither in the proper time and place to do so.

He gazed at those blue eyes - a shade too icy for all the warmth it gave Bam - that stared back at him, silently assessing his condition.

Checking if Bam had been alright during the past two years that Khun had been out of commission.

As if Bam’s condition was more important than his own.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Bam asked with a bright smile on his face. Since Khun wouldn’t say his condition with his own initiative, then Bam will just have to be the one make him say it out loud.

"I'm having a bit of trouble controlling my body temperature but aside from that, I'm fine." The way that the Lightbearer's lips quirked up in a grin as he explained his situation made the smile in Bam's face brighter.

That familiar little smirk... Bam really wanted to wipe that off Khun's face.

...with his lips, preferably.

Bam licked his lips and looked around - searching for a suitable distraction away from the temptation called Khun - before noticing their other friends weren't around.

Perfect. Something to divert Bam's attention away - albeit, temporarily - before his body could lean in and capture those lips that seemed to be seducing him. "Where's Isu?"

Khun shrugged before replying. "He wanted to give us some time to ourselves, so he stayed in the Floating Castle."

Time to themselves, huh...? Bam liked the sound of that. Very much so.

Bam's breath hitched not even a second later, his poor attempt - and future attempts - to divert his attention away from the blunette in front of him was thrown into the gutters.

Why? Because Khun reached out and gently touched his bags, and there was an unreadable tone in the blunette's voice as he spoke next.

"Your hair's sure grown a lot." There was a pause and Bam could hear the concern subtly woven into the words. "Are you growing it out again?"

The cool touch on his face as Khun brushed his hair made Bam feel as though he was the one with issues controlling his temperature and not Khun.

It burned. There was a delicious heat left behind on where Khun had touched him, the simple action sending electrifying shivers in Bam's whole body.

...that's right. This was the blue that Bam had been missing. The one that makes his mind blank with just a single glance, his heart beating with a feather-light touch and his whole body tremble in anticipation when the other so much as approaches him.

And if there wasn't the worry in those blue blue eyes, Bam would have sworn that Khun was doing this on purpose.

That ever single move was intentional, with the sole purpose of taking Bam's attention away.

"Yeah." Bam could only speak out a single word for a reply, unable to find his voice. His voice that Khun was familiar with - the bright and sunny one, the one that was friendly and harmless.

A voice far different from the dangerous and almost proud and mocking voice Bam used when he spoke towards Varagarv - one of Yama's Mad Dogs during his recent encounter with the Regular.

Not the confident and almost too pushy tone he used on Louie and Dengdeng to have them go along with his demands.

Now, he was just the Twenty-fifth Bam that Khun knew. That soft and too kind boy Khun met in the Floor of Tests.

No matter how much Bam wanted to lay claim to Khun right this moment, he held himself back.

"It's still not as long as I'd like it though." He added, not mentioning how he grew it out mostly just to imitate Khun's hairstyle during the past two years.

It was also a silent response to Khun's unspoken question.

'Are you alright?'

'Yes, I'm alright.'

Bam smiled, the unconcealed joy in Bam's eyes let Khun know of a little fact - an open secret to everyone.

'I'm especially feeling great now. Because you're here.'

Bam relished on the quick intake of breath of the Lightbearer in front of him, the surprise coloring Khun's face and the way Khun's pupils dilated ever so subtly at his smile.

And Bam would have said more, secretly tell the other things he never told anyone else but Khun had already guessed his intention - "By the way... Those two..." - and chose to subtly change topics.

Unlike before when Bam didn't know how to read the mood and the underlying meaning from other people's words, Bam knew how to do it now.

Khun was trying to step away from their silent conversation, to regain his bearing and control himself from whatever it was that he felt he needed to control.

"Ah...!"

"Those must be the rug rats or whatever that Isu mentioned." Khun commented, legs already striding forward towards the two and Bam followed.

Bam gave a smile towards Rak whom he may have temporarily forgotten earlier and poor Rak knew he may have to look for a roommate for the night.

"Are you Dengdeng?" Khun turned towards Louie who couldn't help but stammer from the attention being given to him by the Lightbearer, the flush on his face becoming more apparent with each second those gorgeous blue eyes gazed on him.

"Huh?! I-I...!"

"Khun! That's Louie." Bam took ahold of Khun's shoulders and gently turned him towards the boy with dog ears, said canine boy questioningly looked at Bam, silently asking 'who are you and what's with your attitude towards this guy' which Bam ignored. "Dengdeng is the one on the right."

"Oh... Sorry." Khun apologized with a mildly confused expression on his face, clearly not expecting to mistake the two. And while Khun may have not paid attention to it, Bam definitely heard Louie's mutterings on how handsome Khun had been.

Bam would agree that Khun was certainly handsome - too beautiful, even - but Bam didn't like others noticing Khun in that way.

So Bam's resolve burned even stronger than ever before.

As much as Bam would love to continue on with his previous conversation with Khun, rile him up to no end and see him flustered silly, Bam would let Khun escape for now.

But once they're alone in their room - because they certainly would share a room, Bam would make sure of that - Bam would continue on his advances and let the blunette know...

...that his whole world had long turned on its axis, shifting colors to one that solely belonged to Khun Aguero Agnis.

As Bam could no longer see anyone else other than him, Khun should take responsibility for it.

However Khun would surely attempt to escape and run away from the uncertain future that Bam was trying to lead them to.

And that's alright.

If his beloved blue shied away from him, Bam would just have to chase after it even more, wouldn't he? It didn't matter if he tripped, fell down and injured himself in the process.

Because it was worth it.

Khun Aguero Agnis was worth it.

It didn't matter if Bam had to keep on using that bright and innocent face he knew Khun adored to get what away with the stunts he would pull in the coming days. Even if Bam would let his touches linger longer than needed, scoot closer than normal friends would do, a part of their bodies always touching, and be more affectionate and attentive towards Khun compared to others.

Or if Bam would quite literally start stripping his shirt off whenever they're in their room and confidently strut around the other male half naked. Just so Bam could make the other more conscious of him and his feelings towards him.

...yes, Bam would do whatever it takes to get Khun Aguero Agnis, even if he had to throw all of his shame away in the process.

Khun had always thrown his own safety away for Bam’s, what would a little dignity be compared to that?

It would be a long and tiring chase but with a certain Khun Aguero Agnis as the prize, it was one that Bam would enjoy doing so.

So Bam would chase him to no end, until the colors in Khun’s world completely shifted to Bam’s own, his body littered with Bam’s unique color.

As Bam would gladly paint his own body to Khun’s ever-shifting but always present color.

Until gold became blue and blue turned gold.