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The night was drawing to a close as the NCT 127 members shuffled inside their dorm sweaty from practicing for a little over 4 hours. Everyone heaved out a sigh of relief as they entered the cool room, some sat down on the living room sofa while others made their way into their respective bedrooms. Mark was the last to enter the dorm, he felt more tired than ever knowing full well that he had to wake up early and go for practice again with the dream members. He was the eldest among the boys and he wanted to be an inspiration for them, but some days were just harder than the others. Mark took off his shoes by the door since Taeyong hated having shoes inside the dorm. A smile graced his lips for a second when his eyes landed on Doyoung and Taeyong arguing about the AC temperature before it wandered over to Haechan who was currently leeching onto Taeil like a koala bear making kissy faces at him. Mark frowned at the site in front of him before rolling his eyes and going into his room to take a shower and get a good night’s rest.
The cold air of the room touched Mark’s warm body as he came out of the shower in his loose t-shirt and shorts that he now used as pyjamas. Haechan was lying on Mark’s bed scrolling through his phone. Usually he wouldn’t say a thing and just get into Haechan’s bed but for some reason today it just pissed him off. Mark dropped his towel on the rotating chair before making his way over to his bed yanking the cover off Haechan as he harshly nudged him to get out of his bed with a plain face.
“Meanie” Haechan mumbled as he padded over to the other twin bed in the room.
“Are you okay?” Haechan asked moving over to Mark’s bed once again sitting at the edge of his bed as he saw the evident anger on Mark’s face.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Mark said with gritted teeth. He was in no mood to talk right now especially not with Haechan. The guy was much too clingy for Mark’s taste.
“You don’t sound fine” Haechan inquired placing a hand on his forehead to see if he was sick.
“I said I’m fine” Mark slapped away his hand his voice getting higher taking Haechan aback with the sudden change in his mood. Just an hour ago he was all smiles and laughter and now he was all pins and needles, it wasn’t everyday mark got angry but when he did more often than not it was quite scary.
“Okay, I was just asking. Don’t have to be so rude about it” Haechan said going back to his side of the room when he heard a scoff leave Mark’s lips making him turn around to see him rolling his eyes before saying.
“Yeah well it’s irritating. You’re irritating”
“I’m sorry?”
“Everything you do is irritating. Why do you have to talk so much and don’t even get me started on your constant need for attention. Were you not loved as a kid? Why do you have to always latch onto us?” Mark spitted out not even considering whether what he said was hurtful.
“No one seems to mind it” Haechan says getting increasingly impatient with Mark’s attitude.
“It is to everyone except for ‘Taeil hyung’” Mark said air quoting with his hands.
“There’s something called personal space and you clearly don’t know what that means. So just stay on your side of the room and stop being so clingy all the time, it’s annoying.” Mark added the anger seeping through him.
“Okay, I don’t know what’s gotten into you but I’m not your fucking punching bag. Deal with your issues yourself” Donghyuck said trying not to lash out on his very hostile best friend.
“The only issue I have is the fact that you refuse to shut the fuck up”
“Fine” Donghyuck said getting up from his bed closing the lights in the room before getting under the covers and facing away from his roommate. The day had been hard enough for the two of them and the fight only made them more unreceptive. Haechan was used to Mark being moody every now and then but never had he said such hurtful things, he always thought of Mark as the one person he could always depend on but he’d be lying if he said they hadn’t been getting distant lately with Mark spending more time with Johnny and Jaehyun than him but never would he have expected Mark to say the things he did.
~
Darkness surrounded the NCT dorm as midnight drew closer the only things to be heard were the honks of the car, the occasional ringing of Doyoung’s phone and the voices of Mark and Haechan yelling at each other from the room opposite theirs. They weren’t quite sure when it started but the fighting almost seemed common place now. The 127, dream and even the u members had tried to talk to them about it but to no avail. It felt impossible to make the two stop fighting. Jaehyun turned in his bed to see Doyoung sound asleep with his ear phones plugged in probably to drown out the noise. Unfortunately Jaehyun couldn’t sleep while listening to music or in the presence of any sort of sound. Though he couldn’t tell what they were quarrelling about he could still hear their muffled angry shouts.
Jaehyun lays on his back trying to fall asleep when he heard a bang reverberate in the Dorm followed by another one making him get up in bed. He listened closely as he heard a pair of shuffling feet move away from their door. Jaehyun looked towards the closed door of his room and back at his roommate deciding to go and examine the situation. The last thing he wanted was for one of them to do something stupid and end up hurting themselves. He carefully unlocked his door, tip toeing towards the living room to find Haechan lying down on the couch that was in the centre of the room. He still looked quite grumpy as he pulled his blanket over him trying to get somewhat comfortable on the couch that barely held his legs.
“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asks carefully as he approached him, standing behind the sofa he was on.
“Do I look okay?” Haechan snapped back at Jaehyun annoyed at the unwanted intrusion.
“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it but... you guys used to inseparable. What happened?” Jaehyun asked resting his hand on the head rest looking down upon Haechan’s eyes that softened at the question, sadness taking over them.
“I don’t know”
“Do you wanna take my bed? I’ll sleep here if you want?” Jaehyun asked deciding not to push it any further. He ran his hands through Haechan’s hair concerned for the boy whose knuckles were white from clutching onto the pillow on top of him too hard.
“No, it’s okay... go back to sleep. I’ll be fine” Haechan mumbled in a low voice turning on his side with his back towards Jaehyun.
“You do know if you ever need someone you can come to me or any of us? Right?” Jaehyun inquired staring at his back watching him take in a shaky breath before nodding his head refusing to face the older boy.
Jaehyun took this as his sign to leave as he saw Haechan shifts around the couch trying to fall asleep. The place was absolutely quiet now and even though it would be easier for him to sleep now the tension in the dorm felt higher than ever. The fight was affecting not only them but the whole team dynamic. All the hyung’s worried about the constant screaming and shouting that took place every time they were in each other’s vicinity. It was troublesome for everyone but he had to imagine it was a lot worse for the best friends who were constantly at each other’s throats now.
~
The sun was still out when Haechan came back to the 127 dorm after a whole day with the 00 line near Hangang. They loved going out together whenever they had an opening in their schedules it was practically impossible lately with the We go up album being recently released that led to them working long hours into the night since mornings were always filled with promotions for the album. Haechan was glad he got to spend one good day with them before they become extremely busy. Yuta was currently reading a book with his head in Winwin’s lap while Taeyong was setting up the table putting the boxes of Chinese food on the coffee table before calling everyone to the living room. Usually Taeyong was strict about eating on the dining table but since its game night and they have 9 people living under the same roof that were in no way civil they had decided to sit around the coffee table a few bean bag chairs placed on the other side to accommodate more people.
Johnny came up with the idea of Game night during their trainee days something about building friendships and growing closer. Haechan situated himself on one of the bean bags as the others started to enter the room. Mark sat down on the sofa diagonally opposite to Haechan trying to be as far away from him as possible trying to ignore his existence entirely as he started speaking to Winwin making him chuckle. Haechan felt a sudden rush of heat creep up his body as he saw Mark getting closer to Winwin, whispering and smiling with him. He shook his head as turning his attention towards Jaehyun who was explaining the premise of mad libs to everyone present there.
Laughter echoed around the hallways as some of them made their way towards their rooms the tiredness of the day taking over them. It was way past midnight now since tomorrow is a Saturday none of them had to wake up early giving them an excuse to stay up and relax. The only people still in the living room were Taeyong, Johnny, Mark and himself. The two adults had a few beers to drink while the two younger members stuck to their can of coke pretending that they’d never had alcohol before. Johnny was currently telling a story about him from way back in high school emphasizing each word with his hands. Haechan could already feel his eyes start to droop, Johnny had now reiterated to speaking in English making both him and Taeyong incredibly confused while Mark kept laughing along with him about whatever he was talking about.
“Can you pass me the bottle?” Mark asked Haechan casually while continuing to talk to Johnny. Haechan paused waiting for Mark to take in his words as he stared ahead at the almost adult.
“Are you sure? Wouldn’t want to take up your personal space” Haechan said leaning back on the bean bag making all the eyes in the room turn towards him, even Johnny sobered up as he waited for Mark’s response.
“I’ll just take it myself I guess” Mark said getting up from his seat, extending his hand to grab hold of the bottle before sitting back down and taking a sip from it.
“I don’t know what I expected it’s not like you’re capable of caring about anyone but yourself” Mark added putting the bottle near his foot turning to face the two older members in the room.
Taeyong and Johnny shared a look well aware about what is about to unfold, something that they had failed to control or stop in anyway. The deafening silence in the room was broken when Haechan abruptly got up from his position going to his room hoping to god Mark didn’t follow him. He was not ready for his good mood to get tampered. He hated fighting with Mark but ever since their first fight thing had been extremely hostile between them, none of them choosing to back down or apologize it not only put a strain on them but on everyone else around them who had to bear with the fighting.
Haechan never had problem making friends it was always keeping them that seemed to be the issue. Mark has been in his life for long enough for him to not even remember a time before he came along. He would never accept just how much he needed him in his life but he’d rather fight with him everyday than not have him in his life at all.
Taeyong and Johnny both called it a night going to their room forcing Mark to go back to his where probably a very angry Haechan awaited. He hit himself in the head lightly for being his impulsive self again. Mark pushed the already open the door coming face to face with Haechan who was in the middle of wearing an old iron man shirt that Mark had gifted him about 2 years ago. He let his eyes linger on him for a little longer than required, noticing the way the sleeves of the faded t-shirt clung to his arms, his honey skin glistening in the terrible lighting of their bedroom lamp. Mark instantly looked away, walking over to his bed when Haechan’s eyes locked with his making his heart beat faster than usual.
“Haechan...”
“Oh am I worthy of your attention now?” Haechan says cutting Mark short
“You sure you wanna talk to a selfish prick like me?” Haechan snidely adds throwing his worn clothes into the laundry basket near the bathroom door.
“Can you stop twisting everything I say” Mark yells out throwing his phone on his bed already tired of Haechan’s constant bickering.
“Don’t say stupid shit and they won’t get twisted” Donghyuck says matching Mark’s tone of voice moving over to the other side of the bed, standing barely a few feet away from him.
“This is why I don’t like spending time with you”
Johnny and Taeyong were too worried about them to simply go to sleep, just hearing them argue about such a petty matter made their heart break. Mark and Haechan always taunted each other and until about a month ago it was mostly fun and games. It was heartbreaking for everyone to see them this way since they were both best friends and roommates. Johnny pressed his ear on the door trying to hear their voices clearly.
“They’re fighting again huh?” Jaehyun asked taking both of them by surprise as they tried to eavesdrop on the two youngest members.
“I think Donghyuck’s crying” Taeyong said his voice filled with remorse as he heard the sniffles of the pitiful boy on the other side of the door.
“Wait I hear footsteps” Johnny said his ears still pressed on the wooden door.
Doyoung callously pulled Taeyong and Johnny inside their room closing the door so they wouldn’t be visible to the two. After a moment of silence Doyoung opened the door peeking out into the dark hallway seeing Mark sitting on his bed staring at nothing on the floor while Haechan was nowhere to be seen. The pulsing emotions breeding in the silence and darkness of the dorm made the whole situation far worse.
~
“I’m tired of this”
“You know what I wish we never became friends” Mark bellowed sitting down at the edge of his bed wanting for their argument to be over.
“Is that how you feel about us?” Haechan asked his voice breaking as he tried to keep the tears in his eyes from falling.
Mark looks up at the sudden change in tenor seeing Haechan bow his head to hide the tears that were threatening to fall. He was going to retort but as soon as his eyes fell upon a stray tear falling down Haechan’s face he froze in his spot unable to do or say anything. A sudden pang shot through his chest as he sat in silence watching the boy taking in a shaky breath, wiping the tear away. All of his anger seemed to wash away the moment he saw tears flowing out of his eyes. Mark got up from his position thinking of ways to somehow comfort him but before he could make a move Haechan opened their bedroom door and rushed out of there.
He stood motionless in the middle of the room his head heavy and his heart heavier. He wanted to stop him, he wanted to run after him but he didn’t. He didn’t move a muscle as a potential lifelong friendship faded away from right in front of his eyes. Seeing his best friend look this vulnerable really put their whole fight into perspective for him. He bit his lip his own eyes welling up with tears as he looked at the place Haechan was occupying just a moment ago. Mark really believed that they would have come to an agreement by now, they always did. But maybe it was past compromise now, maybe there was no going back, maybe there was no repair to this.
~
The search for the youngest in the dorm hadn’t been hard; there was only one place he went to when he felt down. Doyoung opened the door leading to the terrace feeling the cold yet slightly humid air hitting his skin sending a shiver down his back. Haechan stood near the ledge of the rooftop with his hands on the barrier, his body hunched down as he cried his red hot tears. Doyoung slowly approached him, taking off his jacket and putting it over Haechan’s shoulders to shield him from the cold of the night. Haechan looked at the vast city in front of him, his face puffy and wet with the stream of tears masqueraded on it.
“Donghyuck....” Doyoung started to say only to be stopped when he was tackled into a hug by Haechan, his cries getting muffled as he buried his face into his shoulder.
“He hates me” Haechan breathed out clutching on to Doyoung as he felt his emotions take over his entire body.
“You should hear the things he says, he really can’t stand me” Haechan cried burying his face back into his shoulder.
“I’m sure that’s not true” Doyoung said rubbing his back trying to calm him down.
“Yeah, I’m sure everyone in the dorm agrees” Haechan remarked pulling back from Doyoung, wiping his face desperately with his hands.
“You two are best friends...” Doyoung says putting a hand on his arm.
“were”
“We can’t even look at each other anymore without fighting. That’s not something best friends do” Haechan added looking at the ground so he wouldn’t have to look at the expression of pity on Doyoung’s face.
“We know it’s affecting you two. So why not just apologize and forgive each other.” Doyoung said trying to be the voice of reason. Doyoung expected a sassy remark, a comeback, maybe even an insult, what he did not expect was seeing Haechan completely break down in front of him.
“You think I want this? You really think I wanna keep fighting with him?” Haechan sneered at him
“You out of all the people should know better” Haechan took off the jacket from around his shoulders handing it back to Doyoung before making his way back to the dorm. Doyoung opened and shut his mouth as he watched him walking away out of site.
~
Mark was more than exhausted when he came back to his room in the middle of the afternoon, his clothes were still sticking to his body because of the practice as well as the summer heat. He made his way over to their shared bathroom without so much as looking towards the other bed in the room. He felt way too lazy to take a shower so instead he wet a towel patting himself all over with it to give him some sort of relief from the warm weather.
“How was practice” a voice called out when he left the bathroom taking him by surprise, his eyes landing on Jaehyun who was lying down on Haechan’s bed watching a video on his phone.
“It was fine” Mark said looking more confused than ever seeing Jaehyun putting his ear phone back on.
“Where’s Haechan?” Mark asked looking from Jaehyun to the open closet which was now filled with his clothes instead of his roommates.
“Oh, he didn’t tell you? He moved in with Doyoung. So I’m kind of your new roommate now.” Jaehyun said sitting up on the bed when he delivered the news to him.
“Why?” Mark asked not waiting for the answer before adding “You know what I’ll ask him myself”
“Mark...” Jaehyun called out to the teenager seeing him walk over to the bedroom across from them. He quietly sighed putting his ear phones back on and resuming the video not wanting to hear them argue again.
Mark harshly slammed the door close once he entered what was previously Doyoung and Jaehyun’s room startling Haechan who was sitting at the desk playing a video game. Haechan got up from his seat putting down his gaming controller on the desk awaiting whatever argument starter Mark was about to present.
“Why would you move?” Mark asked more out of confusion than anger.
“The fighting was getting out of hand, everyone thought so” Haechan said crossing his arms over his chest.
“We could have talked about it” Mark said his voice rising as he looked around the room seeing all of Haechan’s things scattered around the room.
“Talk about it? Every time we even try to talk we end up yelling at each other. We’re doing it right now” Haechan said heaving out a sigh of defeat before adding “It’s better for everyone this way”
“Wow, you really hate me that much huh?”
“Hate you? I’ve never hated you Mark.... I can’t” Haechan said his voice trembling from saying the words out loud.
“Honestly I don’t even know if you’re oblivious, dense or just straight up cruel” Haechan added practically spitting the words out.
“I....”
“Ever since the first day I was the one who always approached you and you were the one who always pushed me away. You never treated anyone else like that. Why me?” Haechan asked his voice wavering as his eyes started to well up again.
“You know what don’t answer that. It’ll hurt more If I know” Haechan continued not even bothering to look up at Mark whose face softened as he stood there listening to Haechan’s words.
“Haechan.....” Mark started only to be interrupted by Haechan once again
“You know what the worst part is? You were the one who started the fight, you were the one that made me feel miserable while I’ve done nothing but love you” Haechan said turning around to hide his teary eyes from Mark.
“You... You love me?” Mark stuttered not sure how he was supposed to react.
Haechan finally turned around looking Mark in the eye, seeing the confusion in his eyes, maybe he was just dense. He steadied his breathe facing him completely before saying
“I’m still mad at you and I hate your guts.... I’m just not strong enough to hate you” Haechan took the silence as a queue to continue as he said
“I know you don’t feel the same way. I’ll get over it. As for why I moved I just can’t keep fighting with you”
“Why do you love me?” Mark asked after a moment of silence mind clouded with questions.
Haechan huffs out a small exasperated laugh before saying
“I don’t know maybe it's your stupid smile or the way your eyes light up every time you see something you like or the way you silently pray before you eat. I don’t know why, I just know I do”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Mark asked shoving his hands in his pockets, awkwardness filling the space between them.
“Because I know what the answer is. Tell me I’m wrong” Haechan challenged making Mark squirm in his spot thinking of something to say.
“I thought so” Haechan added receiving only silence from Mark.
“I shouldn’t have said anything. Let’s just forget about all of this” Haechan said shaking his head wondering why he brought it up at all.
“Hyuckie...”
“Don’t call me that. Please don’t” Haechan said trying to keep his composure as the tears started to stream down his face
“I think I should go” Haechan mumbled making a bee line for the door when a hand on his wrist pulled him back to face mark once again. Even though his vision was blurry, he could still see Mark’s eyes starting to well up as well.
“You don’t have to say anything. Whatever you say is probably just gonna make it worse.” Haechan said tilting his head up slightly to look at Mark, a tear escaping his eyes falling onto his hand that was still holding onto Haechan’s wrist.
Haechan accumulated the sleeves of his sweatshirt wiping his face with the delicate material, his eyes running over the little freckles near his eyes, the way his eyes crinkled shut looking everywhere but at him trying to hold back his emotions. Haechan lets his hands rest on his face looking at Mark with a closeness he hadn’t done before. Mark’s eyes fluttered open when Haechan pulled away his hand from his face dropping it beside him.
“Let’s not fight, for others if not for us. Like I said I’ll get over it, I just need time” Haechan said freeing his hand from Mark’s grip wrapping them around himself. Mark looked up once again before nodding his head and making his way out of the room and into his own.
Falling for him had been as easy as the flow of a summer breeze through the morning sky, it wasn’t a conscious decision more like a strike of emotion he felt every time their legs brushed against each other or when Mark would look at him with his big doe eyes laughing at anything and everything the others said, pulling at his heart strings making him fall deeper. Not loving him had never been an option but if that’s what it took to salvage what was left of their friendship he would do it. He would try his best to suppress his feelings because even if he didn’t want to accept it, he was undeniably and irrevocably in love with his best friend.
~
Time passed by at an excruciatingly slow pace since the last time they talked, it was a silent agreement between both of them but Mark would be lying if he said he didn’t miss Haechan and his loud mouth. It was one of the things that truly got him through tough days even if he did find it annoying at times he didn’t want to have it any other way. He wanted everything to go back to the way it was before Haechan confessed, before their fight. He really wished that night he’d just gone to sleep instead of acting irrationally. He was currently sitting at the back of the company car with Renjun on one side who was playing a game on his phone to pass the time and him on the other. The only sound that was being heard was of Jeno’s laughter that occupied the entire vehicle.
Haechan was whispering something into his ears, his eyes forming a u shape as he kept chuckling at whatever Haechan was telling him. Haechan had gotten substantially closer to the other NCT dream members over the duration of their promotion. He didn’t know why he felt a twinge of jealousy seeing Donghyuck playing with Jeno’s hand while talking about their upcoming performance. A part of him wished it was him in Jeno’s position instead but when he was on the receiving end he never did appreciate it and now that it was gone he wanted it back so bad.
They had done a flawless job of ignoring each other but mark didn't think he could do that any longer as he saw Haechan smiling, his nose crinkling up as he tried to act cute in front of Jeno. With his caramel locks falling over his face and the sun hitting his eyes he looked nothing short of absolutely beautiful. Donghyuck turned around locking eyes with mark for a brief moment his smile dropping almost instantly making Jeno turn back as well. He gave mark a small smile that Mark would usually appreciate but at the time just enraged him further.
~
“Can I talk to you?” Mark asked Haechan once they were in the waiting room of the interview which was supposed to start in half an hour.
“Can’t it wait” Jaemin butted in ever being the peacemaker.
“It’s okay, we’ll be back” Haechan promised, seeing concern fill their eyes. Mark walked into the men’s bathroom that was outside of the waiting room, making them completely out of earshot.
“What was that all about?” Mark asks once Haechan entered the bathroom right after him.
“What?”
“So what do you like Jeno now?” Mark grumbled looking back once to make sure there was no one but them in the restroom.
“You don't feel the same way about me. I have the right to move on don't I?” Haechan huffed out a breathe in disbelief as he heard the words leave Mark’s mouth, he couldn’t possibly be serious.
“So you just stopped liking me?” Mark asked unsure why his temper was rising the more he talked about it or thought about it.
“Maybe I did and maybe I do like Jeno. Why do you care?” Haechan bellowed annoyed by the sudden burst of questions that were so painfully reminding him of his feelings.
“I don’t” Mark said shrugging his shoulders.
“Great” Haechan said trying to push past him only to be stopped by a hand on the wall, blocking his way.
“Mark....”
Mark couldn’t bear the enormous weight on his chest anymore as he pulled him into a hug, the sudden feeling making Haechan freeze uncomfortably in his embrace. Mark’s hands encircled around his shoulder pulling him closer, his breath tingling on Haechan’s neck as he let out an unsteady breath. Mark took in the feeling of having Haechan this close to him something he hadn’t experienced in a while. Haechan couldn't help but give into the touch wrapping his arms around marks waist holding him tight too afraid to let go of the sensation.
"I miss you. I miss this" mark breathed out a tear sliding down his face exposing his emotions that he was trying to hide for so long.
“I miss you too. God knows I do” Haechan let out holding onto him tighter
“I wish I liked someone else, I wish I was over you” Haechan added not being to keep in his own emotions.
Mark couldn’t quite put why but he felt a sense of relief at those words. Haechan pulled away much to his dismay making him silently groan when he focused on Haechan’s face that had a single tear streak on it. He carefully raised his hand and removed a stray piece of hair from his forehead. Haechan was silent for a while before he pushed him away from himself.
“I know losing a best friend is hard for you, it's hard for me too but you can't just come around every now and then giving me that slight glimmer of hope I'm trying so hard to kill.”
Mark simply nodded listening to his voice, his focus solely being on the pain that was reflected in the words. It broke Mark inside that he couldn't just hold him and console him and tell him he loved him back. Mark wanted to, he wanted to be everything Haechan needed him to be, he just didn’t know if he could.
"Let’s get back they'll get worried" Haechan said pulling out a paper towel from the dispenser wiping his face with it seeing mark do the same. He moved closer to the mirror making sure none of the makeup was smudged.
“Okay, how do I look?” Haechan asked jokingly putting a smile on his face hoping no would notice the slight puffiness under his eyes.
"Perfect" mark let out without a second thought "You always look perfect"
Haechan was more than shocked when he heard those words escaping his mouth. He walked closer to Mark putting a hand on his face looking into his eyes as he placed his lips on his cheek, letting them linger on his soft skin for a moment longer than necessary. Mark’s hands ghosted around his waist wanting to touch him when Haechan moved away from him throwing the paper towel in the trash can near the door before making his way out of the bathroom towards their band members who were getting ready for the interview.
~
“What do I do?”
“I don’t know what to tell you” Johnny voiced out seeing the clear distress Mark was under as he held his head in his hands.
“I know our friendship is probably beyond fixing now but there has to be something I can do” Mark said lifting his head up to look at his tall brunette friend in front of him.
“Well depends, how do you really feel about him?” Johnny asked emphasizing on the word ‘you’ as he put his hands on his lap leaning forward on the swivel chair in his room.
“I told you...”
“No you didn’t. You told me how Haechan feels about you but how do you feel about him?” Johnny enquired shaking his head at Taeil who opened the door asking him to leave with his eyes.
“I mean... he’s my closest friend” Mark says bringing Johnny’s attention back towards him.
“You’re avoiding the question” Johnny bluntly said seeing the panic in Mark’s eyes increase.
“I’m not. I’m just...”
“Yes you are” Johnny raised his voice silencing Mark’s stuttering.
“I’m guessing Haechan has liked you for a while now but have you ever stopped to consider maybe you may like him too” Johnny revealed making Mark more confused than he already was.
“I... I’m not gay”
Johnny couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the younger boy he had come to think of as a brother. The guy was way too thick for such a complicated situation
“How else do you explain being jealous of Jeno and the other dreamies.” Johnny said starting get a little bit frustrated at Mark’s absolute cluelessness.
“I just wanted him to spend more time with me” Mark stammered out sitting straight up on Johnny’s bed.
“Do you get jealous when I spend time with other’s”
“No, but that doesn’t mean I have feelings for him” Mark yelled out making Johnny raise his hand in mock surrender.
“I’m not gonna claim I even remotely understand what you’re feeling.” Johnny said reducing his voice to a much calmer term.
“Sexuality is complicated many people do found out at a young age but many don’t. I just hope you don’t rule that option out” He added putting a comforting hand on Mark’s shoulder.
“What am I supposed to do?” Mark asked once again shaking his head in frustration.
“Talk to him, no matter what conclusion you come to, talk to him and clear things out once and for all. It’s better for the both of you that way.” Johnny said waving his hand to dismiss Taeyong who was about to walk in to the room. There was really no place for privacy in their dorm not even inside their own rooms.
“If you do find out that you don’t just let him down slowly, you guys are not only best friends but also band mates and...” Johnny said being cut off by Yuta walking into the room uttering something loudly in Japanese.
“What the hell do you want?” Johnny screamed at Yuta making him stop in his tracks near the door.
“I was just looking for Taeil have you seen him?” Yuta asked with one hand still on the door knob.
“Yeah, he’s right here” Johnny said before flipping him the finger watching him narrow his eyes at him.
“Real mature. Could’ve just said no” Yuta mumbled closing the door behind him. Johnny let out a sigh before focusing his attention on Mark once again.
“Just think about it okay” Johnny said patting his head lightly
“I mean how much more worse can it get” He added seeing a frown appear on Mark’s face instantly regretting his efforts at lightening the mood.
“I’m just gonna give you some space” Johnny finally said going into the living room, embracing the chaos of the 9 member dorm they live in.
~
The sun was shining brightly in the sky; the light breeze in the air reminding everyone that autumn was close by. The whole dorm was quiet and calm and if it wasn’t for the turmoil Mark felt in his heart it would be the perfect day to stay in and watch a movie while stuffing your face with so much junk food that you couldn’t even stand the view of them for the next week. The ‘we go up’ era had almost come to its end allowing the Dream members to slack off and take some rest. Mark and Haechan were back in the 127 dorm finally after spending months with the younger members of the group. They landed back in Seoul last night at around 9 pm. They were greeted with numerous hugs and kisses from Taeyong especially when they finally arrived at the dorm.
The older members of 127 were presently in the dance practice room, they felt that both Mark and Haechan deserved a little more rest time so they left without them early in the morning, leaving behind a note on the fridge that Mark would have completely looked over if it wasn’t written in block letters on three sticky notes all around the kitchen with the same message. The place felt kind of empty as Mark sat down on the couch with his morning coffee in hand, Haechan hadn’t come out of his room yet even though it was already close to noon now. Though things between the two of them had been steady it still bothered him that there was a tone of awkwardness that surrounded them. He knew he had to have a proper talk with him some day, he just hoped he was brave enough to make today that day.
The door to Doyoung and Haechan’s room wasn’t open but it wasn’t locked either, Mark knocked on the door twice twisting the knob and peeping inside to see Haechan kneeling down beside his suitcase, removing his clothes, putting most of them in the laundry basket and the few unworn ones back in the closet. He turned around at the faint sound looking towards Mark who was standing near the entrance with a hand still on the door knob.
“Is everything okay?” Haechan asks putting his clothes down when he sees the frown strewn across Mark’s face.
“Umm..... No” Mark said entering the room before closing the door behind him.
“Do you need me to do anything?” Haechan asks coming closer to where Mark was standing arms placed by his side.
“Forgive me?” Mark said looking down at the floor too afraid to look him in the eye.
“I’m sorry. I am all the things you said I was. I'm oblivious, I'm dense and I'm definitely cruel.” Mark continued running a hand through his hair.
“Mark....” Haechan says trying to interject him when a hand placed on the nape of his neck makes his words tangle up in his head.
“It’s my turn to talk.” Mark said stroking the back of Haechan’s neck lightly in a soothing manner.
“I put you through so much and for what? Believe me I hate myself more than you do right now”
“I don’t hate you” Haechan uttered giving him a small smile trying to keep his hands from touching the boy in front of him.
“You should. You deserve better” Mark breathed out placing his free hand on the other side of his nape keeping him in place. There was barely any space between them as Mark edged closer to him yet it seemed too big as his faltered to look him in the eye.
“....I.....I love you” Mark finally declared letting go off all the insecurities and doubts he had.
“I love you so much” He repeated feeling Haechan’s staggered breath on his skin. None of them spoke a word giving into the sense of comfort and demise that was about to follow. Mark at last looked up to see Haechan already looking back at him with his eyes filled with both relieve and uncertainty as he bit the corner of his lips not once breaking the eye contact. Haechan stepped a little bit closer leaving almost no space between them which neither of them seemed to mind as Mark broke the silence by croaking out a small
“Can I?”
Haechan let out a breathe he didn’t know he was holding as he nodded a bit too eagerly. There was so much to be said, so much left unanswered but at the moment nothing mattered more than the two of them being together as Mark leaned in taking Haechan’s lips into his. The kiss was slow at first both of them giving each other time to get used to the new sensation that although foreign felt nothing short of blissful. Mark moved his hand to intertwine his fingers in his brown locks heat rising up his chest into the back of his neck. Haechan’s hands brushed against his stomach reaching all the up to his face, tilting it to get better access to his mouth he grazed his lips against Mark’s asking for entrance that he so gratefully obliged with.
The kiss may not have been perfect but it was everything Haechan could ask for and more, it was much better than whatever his imagination could have ever provided him. Mark finally pulled away to catch his breath briefly before peppering Haechan’s face with kisses all over his face making him break out into a big goofy grin.
“I know I haven’t been the greatest best friend but I promise to be a good boyfriend” Mark said stroking his thumb across his cheek.
“Is that what we are now?” Haechan teased pouting his face in mock speculation.
“I hope so” Is all Mark says before leaning in once again one hand on his waist while the other stayed on his face his hands brushing against his scalp. Mark moved his hands down his body making a shiver run down Haechan’s spine when he lifted him up by the thigh, dropping him on the bed clumsily but Haechan didn’t seem to care as he laughed it off pulling him in to a kiss once again. This time it wasn’t filled with desperation just love, raw emotions scattered in front of them as they both held onto each other hoping this wouldn’t get snatched away from them.
Haechan pulled away taking in a huge breathe, resting his head on the soft material of his bed sheet as he looked up at Mark’s face a few inches away from his face, his hands, palms down beside Haechan’s head.
“Have I ever told you how much I loved your smile?” Mark said the words sounding more like a statement than a question as he looked at the smile gleaming on Haechan’s face pulling at his heart strings.
“Then why’d you make me cry so much?” Haechan asked nonchalantly laughing silently when he saw Mark’s face fall, an expression of guilt washing over it.
“Too soon?” Haechan asked seeing Mark nod his before burying his face in the crook of his neck, taking in his scent that reminded him of the first time they met way back in 2013.
“Let me make it up to you?” Mark asks unsure of the answer he was about to receive.
“Deal” Haechan said smiling to himself.
“But only if you get off me. You’re really heavy” Haechan added lightly placing his palms on Mark’s chest.
“I love you” Mark whispers close to his face, his eyes following the constellations on his face to his eyes that were sparkling in the morning sun as they looked up at him with that beautiful smile that was constantly painted on his face.
It had been a brutal few months for the both of them, a mix of feelings and a need for acceptance but now that it was over everything was so much clearer to Mark, just how much he needed Haechan and just how much he was ready to give to keep him here right beside him for the rest of his life.
“I love you too”