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Virgil awoke in cold sweat, breathing heavily as he tried to ground himself back in reality. He couldn’t get that image out his mind, of-
No, no, he didn’t want to think about it, couldn’t think about it. Didn’t want to remember the blood, the screaming, the lifeless body of his-
He got out of bed, leaving his room and heading down the hall, towards Janus’ bedroom. He’d only been living with his Uncle Janus - well, not quite uncle, Janus was just a family friend, but Virgil had always called him Uncle - for two months or so, but he’d known him long enough to... somewhat trust him. The first few weeks had been difficult, after everything that happened, but Janus was almost like a second-Dad to Virgil, certainly better than his actual Dad, so... Janus probably wouldn’t mind if he woke him up, right?
Right...
Virgil found himself standing outside the door, hand hovering over the handle. His heart still pounded in his chest, and he imagined he was on the verge of tears. It was still dark outside, completely quiet around the house, Janus would be in deep sleep by now, what if he was angry at Virgil for waking him up? Janus liked to get his beauty sleep, and Virgil didn’t want to be a problem, didn’t want to be a burden. He was already enough of a burden just by being here, Janus had always expressed how much he didn’t want to have kids, even if he did play with Virgil all the time when he was much, much younger. Now, Virgil just needed a place to stay, and it was easy enough to stay out of Janus’ way, to take care of himself. Waking him up in the middle of the night wasn’t something that Virgil particularly wanted to do.
Instead, Virgil fell back against the wall and sank to the floor, hugging his legs and burying his head in his knees. He slowly rocked back and forth, pretending that his mother was cradling him like she used to, humming a lullaby to himself to pretend she was right next to him, to try and get himself back to sleep.
But that only made matters worse, because now he was thinking about her, and remembering the blood, the shouting, the-
Virgil’s body stiffened as he heard the door click next to him, a light seeping out into the dark hallway as it opened slightly. Virgil tried to stay perfectly still, thinking that maybe Janus wouldn’t notice him and he’d just go back to sleep. He was behind the open door, at least, shrouded in shadows, quiet as a mouse. Surely Janus wouldn’t be happy to find Virgil sitting outside his bedroom door in the middle of the night, he should have just gone back to his room, or not even left in the first place, he was such an-
“Virgil?” a soft voice said. Virgil opened one eye and peeked out in front of him, seeing Janus crouched down at his feet. The hallway light had been turned on, and Janus looked tired, perhaps mildly annoyed, but mostly concerned. “What are you doing awake?”
Virgil opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. Great. He uncurled himself and began to stand up to move back to his room, but Janus grabbed his hand and Virgil froze once again.
“It’s okay, Virgil, I don’t mind,” Janus promised. “You can tell me anything, yeah?”
Virgil gulped, then took several deep breaths, trying to stop himself from crying. At this point, he wasn’t sure if he was crying from the nightmare or from worry at Janus seeing him like this. “Nightmare,” Virgil just about managed to get out, his voice hoarse.
Janus pulled him off the ground, squeezing his hand tight. “Do you want to sleep with me tonight?”
Virgil hesitated, before quickly nodding. Janus gave him a sad smile, then led him into his room, over towards the bed. Janus climbed back under the covers, and Virgil glanced awkwardly around the room. “Do you- Uh, should I just-“
“It’s okay, Virgil, there’s enough room in here for both of us,” Janus said, calmly.
“But-“
“I’m comfortable sharing a space with you,” Janus continued. “If you want to keep your distance, I promise I’ll keep away from you.”
It took a few moments for Virgil to make up his mind, considering that it may be better to just sleep on the floor, before he gave in and slowly climbed in on the other side of the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Janus turned off his light and closed his eyes, quickly falling back asleep. Virgil tried to do the same, tried counting sheep and everything to will himself back to sleep. The weight of Janus’ blanket was nice, certainly better than his own, and it was a lot warmer here, a lot darker, and the quiet breathing of Janus next to him calmed him down just a little. He wasn’t alone, he was safe.
Virgil woke up again almost as soon as he fell asleep, tears now pouring down his face as that image still didn’t go away, as the nightmare came back and only got worse. He sat up, hunched over and tried to breath, but found it harder and harder, as he imagined the blood, heard the screaming, almost saw his mother’s lifeless body lying on the floor on the other end of the room. The silence in the room was loud, too loud, so Virgil found himself screaming instead to fill it, his quiet mumbling to himself sounding louder in his mind, his mumblings that he was fine, that he was safe, that the nightmares needed to go away.
His shoulder tensed up as he felt an arm wrap around his shoulder, pulling him back down. Janus had grabbed hold of him, resting him on his lap, slowly circling his finger through Virgil’s hair comfortingly. Virgil looked up at him, his vision a little blurry from his tears, and saw Janus looking down, trying to maintain a calm composure but failing to hide the worry and fear in his eyes. Shit, Virgil had hurt him by doing this, he was being a burden just like always, he should have just kept to himself, dealt with his emotions and memories alone, toughened up and stopped being so soft-
Janus was shushing him, slowly rocking him back and forth. “Breathe, Virgil,” he said, quietly. “Count with me. One, two, three, four-“
Virgil tried to copy his pattern, tried to compose himself, tried to fill his lungs with air and function like a normal human being, less of a mess, the strong kid that he used to be. Despite his mind’s protests, it was better with Janus here, better with someone to help him through the pain, someone who maybe understood what he was going through. Janus had known his mother as well, he’d been rather good friends with her, and whilst he hadn’t had quite as strong a bond as Virgil had had with her, he...
“I miss her,” Virgil managed to get out, once he’d got his breathing and heart rate back to normal. “I-“
“Shh,” Janus said. Virgil closed his eyes. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
“I keep- I keep seeing her,” Virgil continued anyway. “Like- Seeing her like she was when- on that- when she...”
“I understand,” Janus said. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”
Virgil let out a sigh of relief. It was hard enough just thinking about it, saying everything out loud was even worse.
“I’m here, okay?” Janus continued, holding Virgil tighter. “I’m not going anywhere.”
After a few moments of silence, Virgil repositioned himself so he laid next to Janus, a little closer than before. Janus laid back down as well, opening up his arms to offer Virgil another hug. Virgil sank into it, allowing Janus to squeeze him tight, to protect him from the darkness, from his memories. Virgil managed to go back to sleep, a peaceful one this time, safe in Janus’ arms.