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He would end up drunk, as usual. It was because of the homoioi. It was always because of them. The almighty Spartan citizens thought it was a great idea to pick up a few hilotes and to drag them to a tavern at nightfall, to get them drunk against their will. And as if it were not humiliating enough as it is, they show them off to a bunch of kids. “It’s to show the young Spartan, the future citizens, the behaviour not to adopt”, they say. Bullshit.
And Mats is there, as always. He’s there, and as always he’s not doing anything. He does not help his fellow homoioi, but he doesn’t stop them either. After all of what Bene and he went through together, he’s still not doing anything. And before Mats’ stupid ‘friend’ start shoving drink after drink down his throat, Benedikt throw a disgusted look his way. A look full of hatred.
*****
They had met each other when they were both about ten years old. Mats was running around, as the homoioi’s children often did, and he ended up near the river, where another young boy was fetching water with buckets: Benedikt.
Mats stayed silent for a minute, watching him, following his every movement with his big dark eyes.
The boy didn’t look like any other boy Mats knew. His eyes and hair were not dark like his. His hair was the colour of the sand and his eyes the colour of the sea. It was beautiful, and Mats could not turn his gaze away from him.
When Mats moved, determined to approach Benedikt, the latter turned suddenly towards him, with fright in his bright blue eyes. He backed away from Mats a little, ready to run if he came any closer.
Mats, sensing the boy’s nervousness, showed his hand to make him understand he didn’t mean any harm:
“I… I won’t do anything to you… I just thought that… maybe you needed some help carrying those” he said, gesturing to the two buckets full of water, which couldn’t be easy to carry for a boy of their age.
Benedikt seemed to ponder Mats’ offer for a few seconds, and then answered: “Okay”, still sounding somewhat unsure, a bit unsecure. They carried the water together on most of the way to Benedikt’s destination, but he asked Mats to go away before they arrived on the fields, because if his father saw he had not done his work on his own, he would get punished. Mats obeyed, but not before he had gotten Benedikt to promise they would see each other again.
From that day on, they became the best of friends.
*****
But they had to hide, because they were different, which they soon discovered. Mats was a future homoioi, he would do his military classes and then he would be a citizen of Sparta… whereas Benedikt came from a family of hilotes, of slaves. And he would become a slave too. He had no choice.
Therefore, they could not be seen together, or they would both suffer the consequences.
Sadly, time drew them apart. The more he grew up, the more Mats became taken with his military education, he could come home less often, and on his last year he could not see his family at all. And that also meant that he could not see Benedikt. The separation was terrible. At least for him.
Plus, the cryptie was horrible. Living in the forest with no food or weapons wasn’t even the worse part. Night time was the worse. Mats was repulsed by what they had to do. Who in the world had gotten the idea to make the young Spartan go out every night during their last year of military education to kill as many hilotes as they could? Mats had no idea but he hated that person with every fibre of his being. He only killed when he had to, that is to say when one of his so called friends was with him and would tell on him for sparing a hilote. They would not understand anyway. They had been raised to hate slaves. They failed to see that these were people too. They didn’t have a friend who was a hilote as Mats did. Useless to say they didn’t fall in love with one either.
On one of those nights, Mats saw a man a few feet away from him. What the hell was a hilote doing outside at night during a cryptie? This was probably one of the worst thing one could do, if not the worse. Mats ran to him, hoping no one had seen the guy beside himself.
Strangely, the man didn’t even move, didn’t try to run away. Sure, he had his back to Mats, but surely he must have had heard him by now. When he reached him, Mats seized him from behind, putting his left hand on the man’s mouth so he wouldn’t scream. To his surprise, this last measure was of no use, because the man didn’t even try to scream. He didn’t make a sound, nor did he make a move. He let Mats drag him to a secluded place behind some bushes.
Once they were hidden, Mats let go of the man, who said in a surprised voice: “why aren’t you killing me?” The man still had his back on him, but Mats recognised his voice instantly.
_Benedikt?!
Benedikt suddenly understood what was going on to, and turned around quickly. He was so happy to see Mats that tears started forming in his eyes.
Mats, on the other hand, felt half overjoyed to see Benedikt again, and half furious at his best friend:
“Why the hell are you out there at night? Do you have a death wish?
Benedikt’s smile died instantly, and he looked down in shame, one tear falling down his cheek. Mats became alarmed by his friend’s state and put both his hands on Benedikt’s shoulders.
_Hey, look at me Bene, what happened?
_I… I would not say I wanted to die but… I wouldn’t have cared much.
Seeing the horrified look he was getting from Mats, Benedikt continued:
_You’ve got to understand Mats. I’m a slave, I’ll be a slave all my life… what’s the point of living? I couldn’t stand it anymore… So I thought… well I didn’t really think. I went out on an impulse, thinking that death could not be worth than life anyway, and then I just waited here for whatever would happen.
The fact that he was in love with Mats but knew their friendship was doomed from the start helped in this decision… but he decided against giving this piece of information to his best friend.
_But… but you can’t die… you just can’t. Mats said, visibly highly shaken by the mere idea of his friend dying. Plus, his life was not that great either. He always had to fight, to humiliate, or worse: kill hilotes, and to stay with people he didn’t even remotely like; he hated his life too, but he wouldn’t dare think of dying, because that meant letting Benedikt down, and the idea of seeing his best friend again had always kept him going.
Benedikt hugged Mats tight, seeing how shaken he was, and said:
_Calm down Mats, I’m not dead, it’s okay, I’m here, I’m here.
After a while, Mats regained control of his trembling body and hugged Benedikt back, admitting:
_I missed you so much.
To what Benedikt answered immediately: “I missed you too”, and then he kissed Mats’ cheek. His best friend instantly turned his head to him, and they found themselves nose to nose, lips almost touching. They both leaned in at the same time, joining their lips. After that, the passion escalated quickly, Mats deepened the kiss and soon they were both panting, out of breath. Both could feel the other’s chest heaving. They were in love and had no more time to lose pretending they were just friends. They had always been more than that and they both knew it.
“Make love to me… please” Mats whispered in Benedikt’s ear. The blonde gasped and got back to kissing Mats, with all the passion he could muster.
And that night was the night they made love for the first time, Mats letting the control to Benedikt, inversing the order they were born in. After they had both come, Benedikt collapsed on Mats, totally spent, and muttered: “I love you”.
_I love you too, Mats answered, breathing unevenly.
*****
So here Benedikt was, in the tavern, staring hatefully at Mats, so that the others wouldn’t see the love in his eyes.
They couldn’t suspect anything, or they were both lost. Mats could maybe get out of trouble. He had learnt to fight, after all. That was not Benedikt’s case.
So, each time his so called friends picked on Benedikt, humiliated him, hurt him, Mats had to stay silent and watch his lover suffer. It was killing him on the inside.
After the little ‘party’, when Benedikt was drunk out of his mind because of the stupidity of Mats’ fellow homoioi, his best friend and lover helped him to go back home in one piece, half carrying him on the way there, blinking back angry tears, as he always did.
But he held on to life, because one day they would leave, they would start another life far away from here. He had promised it to Benedikt, and he would not break it, no matter how crazy and dangerous his lover thought it was.
As Mats tucked him in bed and kissed him good night, he promised him again, even though Benedikt was probably too drunk to remember:
“We’ll escape my love, we’ll escape”.