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Maybe it had been a mistake.
Maybe it had all been a mistake.
Jan could feel the tears burning her eyes, threatening to being pouring down her face with no end in sight. She felt like she was underwater, the lights seeming to dim as the voices around her gradually grew more distant.
This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not here.
She felt like a joke.
They were at a fucking wedding , for fuck’s sake, and this was the moment Gigi had decided to break up with her? And for what, so she could run off with Jackie and Nicky’s flower girl?
More than anything else, Jan wished she would wake up at any second, only to find out this was all some horrible nightmare concocted by her brain. But it wasn’t a nightmare, it was her reality.
She didn’t notice Gigi in front of her, waving a hand just inches away from her face, until the brunette placed a hand on Jan’s arm. Jan snapped back into the moment, instantly recoiling from the woman who had once been her whole world.
“Don’t touch me ,” she hissed, taking a step back as she crossed her shaky arms over her chest. She could see the hurt on Gigi’s face, the way her whole expression seemed to fall at the words felt like a knife to Jan’s heart. Good, she thought to herself. Karma’s a bitch, serves her right.
“Jan, wait. Let me explain -” Gigi started, only for Jan to cut her off with a cold, detached laugh.
“Explain what? ” Jan asked, her voice low and harsh. The words sounded unfamiliar, the blonde girl almost unable to recognize the sound of her own voice. “That you’ve - you’ve been cheating on me? With some fucking hippie art student type? And you’re in love with her now? Go fuck yourself, Gigi.”
Everything felt like it was in slow motion as Gigi reached an arm out to stop her, only for Jan to push the brunette’s arm away from her as she once again hissed that she didn’t want to be touched. She turned on her heels, weaving her way through the crowd of guests who had begun to stare. She needed air, and she needed it now.
For a second, her brain was too foggy to remember which direction the exit was in. But then Jan spotted some tall blonde waltz in from the corner of the room, shrugging her coat off as she walked, and Jan immediately turned in that direction. She pushed past friends and strangers, ignoring everyone’s concerned questions and attempts to gain her attention. The only thing she could focus on was finding the exit, and she had a feeling it was near wherever the blonde had appeared from.
By the time she reached the exit, Jan felt like the walls were about to close in on her. Her chest felt tight, her palms were clammy and shaking, and she was fighting back tears harder than before. She felt the invisible weight on her chest lighten slightly as she stepped out into the chilly November air, coat long forgotten inside the wedding venue. Not that she cared in that moment, the cold nipping at her skin the only thing grounding her in her whirlpool of emotions.
Taking the steps down from the exit two at a time, Jan started walking down the street without a destination in mind. The further she walked, the faster she found her feet carrying her, until she was sprinting down the sidewalk in a desperate attempt to put as much distance between her and Gigi as possible. She couldn’t go back there, didn’t want to. She had already stayed long enough to watch her two best friends get married, there was no reason for her to stay any longer. Not with her now ex-girlfriend inevitably twirling that Crystal girl around on the dancefloor without a care in the world.
Fuck Crystal , Jan decided. She nearly let out a laugh, musing on how the same thought must have crossed Gigi’s mind at some point. Except for the brunette, the two words had an entirely different meaning than what Jan intended.
Jan didn’t stop running until she spotted a small park just up ahead. Deciding it was her hidden oasis in the concrete jungle, Jan slowed her pace as she crossed the street towards the little pocket of nature. Her feet began to ache, the pain of running several city blocks in heels quickly catching up with her. But she powered through, making the mental promise to take the shoes off once she had found a place to sit down in the little park. Weaving her way around confused tourists and baffled locals who stared at her like she was insane, Jan sucked in a deep breath, her eyes frantically scanning the park area.
It took a couple minutes, but by the time Jan found a vacant bench to perch herself upon, she could already feel the hot tears streaking their way down her face. She tried to tell herself it was just because she was cold and her feet hurt, but she knew the pain in her chest far outweighed any kind of pain her feet felt in that moment.
She sat down on the wooden bench, crossing her legs and delicately draping the dark red fabric of her bridesmaid dress across her lap to avoid letting it drag on the ground. She’d be damned if she ruined the rental dress, even after her now-ex had ruined the day for her. Delicately pulling her shoes off, Jan set the black pumps beside her on the bench before wrapping her arms around herself, finally allowing herself the chance to fully break down.
She sobbed without a single care in the world, ignoring the strangers who slowed down or sped up as they passed her by. Memories from the past two years with Gigi replayed in her mind like a broken dvd, an endless loop of pain ripping more tears out of her.
Nights spent dancing in their kitchen, mornings spent cooking breakfast together. Surprise visits at their jobs when one of them got off early, romantic dates around the city. All of it melded into one, gradually tangling together with every fight they had ever had.
How could she have been so blind? She should have known.
Should have known from the gradual distance between them, from the way Gigi would smile down at her phone while they would watch tv together. Should have been able to tell something was wrong when Gigi started “working” later hours than before, stopped coming home for dinner on time, stopped being affectionate with Jan both in public and in their own home.
All the signs were there, but Jan had ignored them, instead choosing to believe Gigi truly loved her.
She felt pathetic for ever thinking the brunette cared about her at all.
Eventually, her tears began to subside, her limbs starting to tingle from the prolonged exposure to the cold. Jan wiped her eyes and glanced around, trying to get a sense of where in the city she had ended up at, trying to recall the closest subway station in order to get home. Just as she noticed a street sign letting her know her location, her phone began to buzz inside the pocket of her dress.
Jan cursed under her breath, shaky hands fishing the device out of her pocket just to see who was calling. If it was Gigi, she thought to herself, she would likely end up throwing her phone into the pond to her right.
But it wasn’t Gigi.
Seeing that it was Jaida instead, Jan hesitantly answered the phone, relief flooding her shivering body as her friend immediately launched into a tirade of questions. Where was she, was she okay, what the fuck had happened, did she need someone to come get her? All Jan could do was mumble a weak yes to the last question, promising Jaida she’d drop her location into a text so the other girl could come get her.
She followed through on the promise as soon as the call ended, and soon enough Jan could see Jaida walking down the sidewalk in an identical red dress. Her lips curled up into a soft smile at the sight of her fluffy black jacket draped over Jaida’s arm, a pair of coffee cups in a to-go in her other hand.
“You’re my hero,” Jan murmured once Jaida had reached her, scooting her discarded shoes over so she could sit beside her friend.
“I know,” the other girl replied, her voice devoid of her usual sass that Jan had come to love so much. She was beyond worried, Jan could tell just from the glint in her eyes as her friend took in her current state.
“Gigi dumped me,” Jan explained, voice cracking mid sentence. “Turns out, she was fucking the flower girl and I never found out.”
Jaida’s wince was audible. But rather than apologizing or commenting on the situation at hand, Jaida just draped Jan’s coat over her shoulders and handed her one of the coffee cups, urging her to drink up.
“C’mon,” Jaida started after Jan had taken a couple sips. “Let’s head back to my place and get you warmed up, we’re gonna have a girl’s night in. Just like back in college, okay?”
Jan nodded her head in agreement, gratitude for her best friend spreading throughout her body like the warmth she was gradually beginning to regain, thanks to the jacket and hot drink. Without saying another word, Jan slipped her shoes back on and zipped up her jacket, lifting herself up off the park bench to follow Jaida home.
So maybe she had gotten dumped at a wedding, and maybe her heart still felt like it was shattering into a million pieces after the bombshell that Gigi had been cheating was dropped on her. But if nothing else, Jan knew that she wasn’t alone thanks to Jaida.