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geonhak leaving for his tour usually wasn't this hard for dongju. normally, they'd go for breakfast the morning of the day he had to leave, and dongju would drop him off at the airport to send him off with a kiss.
this was not like other times.
days before geonhak even had to leave, dongju would find himself in geonhak's t-shirts and clothes, and wanting to cuddle for hours on end.
"dongju, is something wrong?" geonhak had asked the first day he'd seen dongju in his white t-shirt.
"no, baby, everything's okay." dongju reassured his boyfriend, but mainly himself.
he couldn't tell what was different about this time. they've always been close, and they've been dating for years. but dongju would find himself aching at night, staring up at geonhak's delicate nose, his skin, his hair. everything.
after a couple days of this happening, dongju sat on geonhak's lap and geonhak finally cracked. he could sense something wrong with boyfriend.
"dongju, baby, please tell me what's wrong. you aren't usually this touchy, and while i like this, this isn't you. tell me, sweetheart. i want to help." he spoke softly, almost if not to startle his already uneasy partner.
dongju sighed. "it's just... you're leaving. again. and normally i handle it well because i know how much you love the stage and i love when you're happy! but lately i just feel... i don't know, weird about it." he then shrugged, as if to say it was no big deal, but his lover could sense how important this topic was.
they weren't the couple with the most words. their love language wasn't letters,
poems, or passionately exchanged vows of love, but rather touch. when either of them were upset, they could be found hugging, cuddling on their bed, holding hands, and sometimes one would just lie their head on the other's lap.
"maybe we could find you something to focus on." geonhak suggested, rubbing dongju's back as he sat on his lap. "what do you usually do when i'm gone?"
"wait for you to come home."
geonhak's motions slowed to a halt. he paused for a moment, seemingly grasping dongju's words completely.
"you really miss me that much?" geonhak couldn't quite seem to believe it.
"i always miss you that much, my baby chick." dongju smiled faintly.
to be honest, geonhak was a little surprised. their feelings are strongly communicated through touch, so he always knew dongju missed him when he ran up to him at the door with a hug.
but lately, this form of communication wasn't the most effective. as their relationship strengthened and their time together decreased bit by bit, they began craving other forms of love. sometimes geonhak just wanted to lie down with dongju and tell him how much he thought of him while he was on tour, even on stage.
and sometimes dongju wanted to take a walk with geonhak and tell him how much he loved him and how happy he is to be with him.
but clearly, communication was not their forte. so after a couple more minutes of their cuddling, they carried on with their tasks for the day. dongju had to go buy groceries for himself, as usually geonhak buys the groceries for the apartment and geonhak went to go secure plans with youngjo, the other member of his rap duo.
tonight was the last night before geonhak left for months on his tour, and although he was excited, he was scared. and he couldn't be silent about it anymore.
"dongju," he said, turning to look dongju in his eyes while lying down in bed. "you'll wait for me, right? everytime i leave, you'll always be here when i get back?"
"baby, of course i will. i'll always wait for you. why do you ask that?"
"i get worried. we live together and we show love... but sometimes i just get scared. we don't say 'i love you' much, or really ever talk about our feelings. i know you care about me, but i just need reassurance that you love me how i love you." geonhak breathed out, a bit nervous to be this vulnerable with his boyfriend.
"i love you. i love you so much. i love you more than anything, please understand that, my love." dongju smiled softly, carding his fingers through geonhak's midnight black hair. "i always worry about saying things like this, we don't talk like this and i don't ever want to make you uncomfortable. but i see now we both have changed a lot."
geonhak chuckled at this. "we sure have."
"and i want you to know that i meant it when i said i just wait for you to get back everytime. of course, i do try to do some of my hobbies like i color a lot when you're gone, but i feel more... safe when you're here. more calm. you know?"
"like you're home? that's how i feel with you, too. god, i love you so much."
the two continued their light touches while expressing how much they love each other. when geonhak finally left the next morning, dongju felt a little less scared than he usually felt when geonhak was gone. he loved him the same way.