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You’ve just killed Karkat. Your ex-moirail. Your best motherfucking bro. And you couldn’t do anything to stop it.
Of everything you’ve ever done, this was the one thing you can’t forgive yourself for. The other guy, that motherfucking bastard, he’s smirking triumphantly as he waves down with your hand at your former moirail’s burning body. You want to cry. You never wanted this to happen. Ever since you found that motherfucking puppet, you’ve been trapped inside yourself, with the other guy holding your steering wheel and driving you right off the deep end.
Even when you were all sopored up, you felt him. He was always there. He told you that when you’d eventually lose your mind, he’d take over. It’s instinctual for a Highblood, written all up in your genetic fucking code. Maybe that’s why you tried so motherfucking hard to lose your mind on your terms, burning out your thinkpan with slime pies and the wicked elixir. You didn’t care if you poisoning yourself meant your best bros would be safe.
But it didn’t work the way you wanted it to. You ran out of slime pie eventually. So you kept to yourself on the meteor. You tried to get a handle on all the motherfucking rage you felt; if you waited long enough, maybe you could learn to control it.
But then, you found the motherfucking doll. The shitty puppet with flashing eyes. Normally all those colors would make you feel like a thousand miracles, but these ones pushed you inside yourself and let the other guy out, and you watched in horror as he all up and motherfucking ruined everything.
You remember feeling the tautness of the bowstring he wrapped around Equius’ neck. You remember the thud and crunch of your club as he killed Nepeta. You found yourself wishing she’d been able to do more damage than just claw you across the face.
You remember being on the roof, you remember hoping you’d die when Kanaya kicked you off the edge. You hoped so bad that Karkat would kill you; maybe it would’ve hurt your moirail to do it, but you would’ve been so grateful if he had. After he calmed you down, you felt almost like yourself again. You and the other guy kept switching back and forth with control. You protected Karkat from him. He tormented Terezi in retaliation.
Eventually, you found yourself on the red-cheeked kid’s planet, and you knew, somehow, that this fucker started everything. You wanted to rip him to pieces while he was still a harmless hiss-beast-looking motherfucker, but the other guy wouldn’t let you. However, you found that whenever the red kid turned into the green one, your mind was clearer. You resolved to try and take care of her, and teach her how to kick it with the good life. Still, as they switched, so did you. You used the last of your presence of mind to chain them to the wall and set them up with Sburb and some special stardust. Why you did it, you’re not sure.
You’d hoped it would be the last you’d see of them, but you ended up having to serve him on his planet when he was older. It was there that you found out you couldn’t die. He shot you in the chest more times that you could count, and you lay bleeding on the ground, thinking, ‘Finally, this is over. I can’t hurt anyone else now.’ But you all up and crawled back to the kid. And he shot you again. And you still lived. And then he shot you again, and you lived, and why wouldn’t you motherfucking die? The other guy forced you to serve the red kid, help him with his session, and you fought as much as you could; why would you help the guy that made you kill your friends? It didn’t matter. You could never take over completely.
Then the blue spiderbitch, the one that wasn’t Vriska, grabbed you by the thinkpan and made you steal the ring from the motherfucker in yellow ship. Then you had to attack the robot girl in red. And that was when Terezi attacked you. At first, you were relieved. You weren’t being forced to attack her, and maybe this time, this time you would die. But you got stabbed over and over and then all of a sudden, you had your mind back. You asked her to stop, but when she did, the other guy took you by surprise and beat her down. Your hands became covered in teal, and oh gog, why couldn’t you have stayed in control? She wouldn’t be in pain if you had. This is all your fault.
Then, when Karkat--because the poor motherfucker is flushed stupid for Terezi--attacked you, the other guy stabbed him. Twice. And pushed him into lava. He was still alive and reaching out to you for the help you wanted to give but couldn’t.
Oh gog, what have you fucking done?
He leers at Kanaya as she charges you. You brace yourself for her inevitable death, but then you feel pain, the same pain you felt when the other motherfucker first took over. Half of you goes one way, and half of you goes the other; he frowns in anger and disbelief, and you smile in relief because its all over, you’ll be dead any second and you’ll never hurt anyone again. It’s all over.
But you don’t die. You lie there in pain as each of your arms grabs each half of your head and shoves them back on to the top of your necks. Then something weird happens. Instead of merging back into one motherfucking mess the way you used to be, the half of you that is him grows an arm and a leg, and you feel red hot pain as you do the same. You both stand up, all shaky-like, and size each other up. He glares at you and bares fangs identical to yours, and you’re raising your hands to protect yourself, when the sky turns red and one of the other planets smashes into this one.
You’re thrown to your feet, and when you get up, the other you is nowhere to be found. The heat is getting motherfucking intense and you hope he was smashed by debris or fell into the lava, but you know deep in your motherfucking gut that he’s still alive, and you’ve gotta find him before he can do any more damage. You abscond into the burning woods, hoping it’s not too motherfucking late to put things right.