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"Ah!" a small cry escaped Erik's mouth and caught Nadir's attention.
The Persian rose up from where he was sitting at the table and rushed to the kitchen where Erik was preparing dinner. "What is it, Erik? What happened?"
Everything looked messy from when he'd quickly glanced around. But nothing on fire was a good sign.
"I've just cut myself." Erik's voice was small like he was afraid the other man would scold him, which was exactly what Nadir would do upon hearing this. He examined the damage, lots of blood dripping on the table. Erik managed to cut not only one but two fingers at the same time.
"How can you be so careless! I told you that you don't have to do it. You never listen to me and have to be so stubborn. I can cook for you every time I come down to your house."
How can one who was so good at handicraft so clumsy when it came to cooking, Nadir could not comprehend.
"And what a terrible host Erik is if he always lets you cook for him in his own house!"
"You used to refuse to let me in your house so many times before, Erik. You've never been a good host to begin with!"
Erik huffed out a breath as his only answer. The mask he was wearing couldn't hide his pout. Nadir tried to ignore it.
The Persian used his handkerchief to wipe away the blood on Erik's hand and told him to hold the cloth firmly over his wounds before he disappeared to find the first aid box that he had provided for Erik's house himself earlier.
The man who was very familiar with being injured just sighed and walked out of the kitchen. He muttered lightly to himself, "so I'm not able to play the violin for a few days now."
"That I can't help. You clearly did this to yourself." Nadia came back and found Erik brooding on the couch. He kneeled down in front of him and took Erik's injured hand. "But this," he began to tend to Erik's wound, "I can help."
"I can perfectly do that for myself, you know." Erik protested weakly but still let Nadia take care of him.
"Really? I cannot tell," the Persian's tone was teasing.
"Next time when you're sick don't come to me then!" Erik made an attempt to pull his hand away but Nadir's grip was strong so he just huffed in frustration again and let Nadir continue his ministration.
The Persian chuckled, "so, looks like I have to be the one who cooks tonight."
"I can still use my hands. It's just some little cuts."
"No, please. I don't want to eat your blood."
Erik hummed contemplatively, "maybe it will make you superhuman, don't you think? Drinking a monster's blood might give you super strength or help reduce your age. I don't know, maybe you should try!"
"Hmm, I've drunk the monster's something else before." He stared at Erik suggestively. "My hair's still grey so I don't think that's possible."
"Oh god. I never knew you have no shame." Erik's blush was visibly red on the uncovered part of his face before he buried his face in his uninjured hand. No doubt he understood what Nadir was referring to and that made Nadir's heart sing with unexpected delight.
They were just in the beginning of this so-called intimate relationship which they'd developed for only no more than a month. It was still something new to Erik, something he was not familiar with and still not comfortable to talk about. He usually just acted like it never happened out of embarrassment or self-consciousness.
So, when he acknowledged it or did anything at all to show that he remembered the intimate act they'd shared together that night, Nadir would feel so glad because he still cherished the memory of it and very much wanted to repeat it and show him that he was loved and cared for who he was.
Despite that, Nadir knew, to show him love wasn't only by fulfilling that physical need. Their relationship wasn't based on physical intimacy in the first place and Nadir didn't want to change anything. To show him love was to show him support, be there for him no matter where his dark faith led him to, be the anchor in the sea of his relentless, self-destructive mind, which Erik was in too deep for Nadir to pull him out of it completely, he could only prevent him to sink lower.
But he hoped, with time and really good care, Erik would be able to float and swim on his own. This was the whole point of him continually being here, Nadir concluded to himself, to take care of him so he would know how to take care of himself.
"A penny for your thoughts?" Erik's melodious voice pulled Nadir's out of his thought. Then, he hurriedly added, "but if it's about that night, please, don't bother."
Nadir needed a second to process what Erik was talking about before he laughed.
"Apparently I'm not the only one who thought about that tonight." Then he lowered his voice into what he hoped to be a seductive tone. "If you want it again you can always ask, you know."
"Stop it, Nadir. Before I'm tempted to feed you to the siren." Erik's voice was venomous but somehow lacked the real danger. So, Nadir continued to laugh despite Erik's fierce glare, knowing too well it was all an act.
He tended to Erik's cuts in the last step. When he finished, before he let go of his hand, he asked, "want me to kiss it better?"
"No need. I'm not a child!"
But Nadir lifted his hand and placed a small kiss to each finger over the bandage anyway. When he looked up the blush was back on Erik's face again. He smiled at the sight and the sight just blushed deeper.
Satisfied with himself, the Persian left to prepare dinner for both of them. After examining what was left on the stove, Erik had meant to make a stew so he just continued making it.
When the food was ready Erik had already set the table and was waiting patiently at his seat. Nadir knew it was his way to express gratitude by trying to be helpful.
They ate in silence. Nadir noticed that Erik was eating like he had not had anything for days. He watched him devour a chicken drum almost all of it in one bite.
"Slow down, Erik, the chicken won't escape. You don't have to hurry."
"Why, this is divine! How can you make such a splendid dish in such little time?" he commented loudly, to Nadir's sake, not with his mouth full.
To be fair, Nadir wasn't a good cook. He always had his servant with him so he barely cooked himself. He just began to pick up his cooking skill when he'd reunited with Erik again.
"Is it really that good or you haven't eaten anything in a week?"
"Only two days," replied Erik.
"How can you live like this? Are you pretending to be a ghost so much that you started to believe you are really one? When can you learn that humans need to eat? You need to eat."
"I just got preoccupied with something else. And I am eating now, Nadir, you see," he gestured to his almost empty bowl.
"What will you do without me, Erik?" Nadir half-heartedly commented.
Erik suddenly sat still. He stopped eating and stayed quiet for a while. When he spoke, his voice dropped just above a whisper. "You shouldn't joke about death, you know."
Erik's answer surprised Nadir. He didn't mean it to be such a serious question. So, he tried to lift up the mood, keeping his voice light, "speaking from the man who pretends to be a ghost."
Erik just shrugged and seemed to get back into his own head.
Nadir regarded him silently for a while. The masked man's mind was like a maze sometimes. One could not simply understand completely what was inside and what turn it would lead its master to.
"When I said without me I didn't mean it to be when I die," explained Nadir.
But when the topic was put out like this it gave Nadir another perspective. And suddenly it was an important question that Nadir felt the need to discuss. He waited for some more time, then he asked, "what will you do if I die, Erik?"
"This is getting ridiculous. I don't want to talk about this anymore." Erik made a move to get out of here. But Nadir's voice stopped him.
"Think about it, I am older than you. There is more possibility that my time will come before yours."
"No, I don't think so," the younger man disagreed sharply. "You haven't lived the life like I have. And believe me, my soul has aged a lot older. My life span has been constantly reduced since I was born with this face."
"I've lived my life as a daroga and also spent some time in a Mazanderan prison so my life hasn't been easy either. But this is not what I intend to talk, debating about who'll die first."
"Good. Because I intend not to talk at all." With this final answer, Erik turned to leave. Several seconds later Nadir could hear the booming sound of organ keys echoing the place.
It seemed that the dinner was over now when both of them refused to eat anymore. Nadir sighed and cleaned the table.
He didn't quite grasp the reason why Erik was so upset. Death was never a good thing to talk about, he knew. But Erik was never the one who was terrified by death. On the contrary, Erik understood death the way it is. He could even accept it easily more than Nadir himself could.
For him, Nadir had experienced the death of all the most important people in his life to know that death came unexpected and people who were left behind were never truly healed.
That was why Nadir wanted to make sure that Erik would be strong enough for when his time came.
He waited for Erik to finish relieving his emotion through music. It was a good ten minutes of unintelligible and messy notes, then it stopped.
Nadir, who was carefully observing him from behind, decided that this was the moment to talk again. He couldn't just let this pass and be indifferent.
"Please, Erik. All I ever wanted to tell you was that it will make my soul at peace when I know for sure you will be able to live a decent life when I'm gone."
Erik got up abruptly, the movement was swift and violent. With his back still faced Nadir, he said, "then I will be glad I finally get rid of your stupid face forever! It will be an absolute delight. I might consider retiring myself from a ghost and becoming a normal man."
Nadir was startled by this sudden movement to understand pass Erik's tone of voice.
"Will you actually be able to do that?"
Erik turned his body to face him then. His eyes shone dangerously under the light. "Definitely. I can finally do what I want. No longer under your surveillance, no longer paying off your life-long debt, I can finally be free! I can do whatever I want. I can even kill whoever I want without feeling guilty for breaking your promise!"
Erik was raising his voice now. Nadir was stunned by his outburst to say anything.
Suddenly Erik was laughing, bitter and humorless. It was easy to say that he was laughing at himself. He continued his speech, his emotion barely controlled.
"If you really wanted to know so much, so, no! you great booby! You must not die before me or else I will go down my old path. Do you understand that I will definitely be lost without you? No! I will not survive knowing that you no longer exist."
He took a deep breath. His voice becoming small and quivering. "Is this what you want to hear, Nadir? I cannot be more honest with you tonight."
His yellow eyes gleamed as he stared at Nadir's green ones. They were pleading miserably. The Persian felt like his heart had been stabbed at the same time as it was being filled with affection.
Silence fell down once again. Nadir slowly made his way to Erik. The man flinched back from his touch like an injured animal trying to hide its wound, only his eyes that were locking with Nadir's showed clearly what he was feeling.
Slowly, Erik continued to speak without breaking eye contact, his voice barely above a whisper, but since Nadir was standing close he could hear it loud and clear.
"Just thinking about it, about you dying, is enough to convulse me. When I prohibited you to find my house here underground it was because of my fear for your well-being. I couldn't bear the thought of you dying, Nadir. Especially dying from my own hand. The death traps I'd set around my house were never meant for you."
His voice was shaking when he spoke. His breath heavily. Both of his hands curled into fists and trembling uncontrollably.
He raised the volume of his voice now. "You came back into my life without invitation and I allowed you in once again. I was so content before! But now I am not. I let you make me need you. And I have never needed anyone. So you see why you can't just throw me this silly question and expect me to say: yes I will live perfectly fine, see you in heaven or hell! You absolute booby!"
Nadir didn't know his presence in the other man's life would cause him pain like this. "I'm so sorry."
Erik looked like he had just snapped back to reality when he heard Nadir's apology. His temper died out. He slumped back onto his chair. "Oh, no, Nadir. Don't be sorry. It's not your fault that I am the needy man." He laughed bitterly again.
This was the first time Nadir heard Erik voice his need to him openly while completely sober, without the power of opium or morphine, which he'd discarded completely a while ago.
When it was painful to hear, Nadir also noticed a problem in this.
"I didn't come into your life to make myself become your new drug, Erik," he said warily.
Erik laughed, this time with a hint of real humor. "Don't you worry. I only need you to be alive. I don't mean that I need you with me all the time. God, I'm not that helpless. Just...take good care of yourself, will you? I once said to you that your health meant very dear to me. I still mean it today."
Nadir sighed in disbelief. Either Erik or himself must be a fool, if not both. So he decided; that was it. Time to go all the way. Time to stop hiding away.
"Since you've borne your soul to me it's only fair that I do the same," he calmly spoke, the sincerity and affection in his voice. "You may say that I meddling with your business was because I have nothing better to do. Maybe yes, maybe more.
The truth is I needed you, too. You've given me a purpose in life again. Watching you and trying to keep up with your odd schemes, I used to say it was for the sake of the opera house but the truth is I do it for myself. I do enjoy your company so much, Erik. Every encounter with you always brings me joy. Meeting you and becoming your friend again made me realise that there is no place I'd rather be, nothing I'd rather do, than being right here with you."
It seemed that it was Erik's turn to be speechless. He stared at Nadir in disbelief with his mouth agape.
He continued staring until he realised, "you mean that. You really mean that."
"Yes, you fool."
"You don't see our relationship as your burden. You don't see me as your burden."
"You must really be an absolute fool if you believe that." Nadir closed the distance between them and stood right in front of him. His voice soft when he spoke, "now can you please stop this nonsense sulking?"
"Only if you don't bring up the topic of your death again."
"For that, I am truly sorry."
Erik sighed, "how pathetic I am, eh?"
"They say love makes people vulnerable," Nadir lightly commented.
"Erik doesn't love-"
He didn't get to finish his sentence, for Nadir leaned in quickly to capture Erik's lips with his. His hands on both sides of Erik's face, tilting his head upward.
Erik tensed for a brief moment, then he eventually melted into the kiss. Nadir sighed and closed his eyes, savoring the sensation of 'finally'.
After a moment, he pulled away and whispered,
"I know, Erik. I know."