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You couldn’t keep going on like this. It had been three weeks since you’d heard anything from Yoongi and thus far you’d been continuing on like nothing was wrong, like not hearing from your boyfriend for weeks at a time was normal. You knew he got busy, and him disappearing into his studio for days wasn’t unusual, but three weeks was a long time. Three weeks in which you’d tried to give him space, but your calls and texts had gone unanswered. You’d even tried to take food to the studio, both to make sure he ate and to get a chance to see him, but after waiting for an hour as you called and texted to ask him to open the door, you had given up. You’d left the food outside the studio and texted him to let him know it was there.
You knew nothing had bad happened to him or anything like that. Your best friend Taehyung had told you as much. He was the one who had introduced you to Yoongi in the first place over a year ago. There were people who would tell you that you should’ve expected this. You had entered the relationship fully aware that he wouldn’t be the overly affectionate, clingy boyfriend, and that was more than okay with you. This had gone far beyond that point, though. It wasn’t a lack of publicly displayed affection, or even a lack of affection, but rather the complete and total lack of attention, a failure to even give you signs of life. Plus there was the one conversation you’d had right before he went AWOL, one that had seemed to go well at the time, that you wondered if it had anything to do with Yoongi’s sort of disappearance.
At your wit’s end, you decided the only way to keep from going entirely insane was to distract yourself with the company of friends. That’s how you ended up on the couch at the BTS dorms, wrapped up in your best friend’s arms. Your head was leaned against Taehyung’s shoulder as tears rolled down your cheeks. Jimin and Jungkook were also in the room, immersed in playing video games. “You want me to punch him for you? Because I don’t care if he’s my hyung, he can’t treat you this way. I didn’t introduce you just for him to be a jerk.” Taehyung murmured to you. You sniffled a little. “It’s not worth it Tae. I just wish I could bring myself to give up on him, maybe I wouldn’t hurt so much.” You sighed.
Right at that moment, you heard the door open and slam shut, then footsteps. “WHAT THE FUCK?!” Yoongi roared, standing behind the couch where you and Taehyung sat. He looked positively livid. “So what, are you cheating on me now? With him? Or what explanation do you have for being practically on top of him?” He hissed, his words dripping with venom. You stood up quickly, glaring at him. “Oh, you don’t get to be jealous right now. After the stunt you’ve pulled the last few weeks? Excuse me if I need my best friend to comfort me when you’ve been treating me like shit.” You yelled back.
All eyes were on the two of you. Yoongi’s expression softened ever so slightly. “I’ve been focused. I’ve been working.” He said in an attempt to defend himself. You shook your head. “Okay, fine, you’ve been working, great. Whatever. I’ve tried not to bother you. I always try not to bother you. But am I supposed to assume that your phone and laptop are broken and you’ve had no internet or cell reception? Because that’s the only actual excuse for this radio silence you’ve been giving me.” You retorted, not about to back down now. He looked slightly less certain now. You were trying not to start crying again, angry and heartbroken all at once. “Is this because I won’t fuck you?” You demanded quietly but harshly. You clenched your teeth, giving him a hard stare. Yoongi looked shocked, then extremely sad. “Do you honestly think I care that much about that?” He asked in almost a whisper. Your mind flashed back to three weeks ago, just before Yoongi fell off the face of the earth.
It had started innocently enough, the two of you sitting on his bed and talking. Then the affection he only ever showed in private pulled you in: a small peck, an arm around you, a warm smile. You’re head over heels for this man. Next thing you know you’re straddling him, hands on his shoulders as he trails kisses down your neck. You hear a soft whispered “I love you” and you feel as if your heart will burst. You cup his face in your hands and pull him up to you, crashing your lips into his. His hands are on your hips and things continue to get more heated. Somewhere in the fog of being entirely drunk on your love for each other both your shirts find their way off of you. Your kisses grow passionate and messy. Then you feel one of his hands start to unbutton your jeans and you freeze. You pull away and look at him, your nervousness and uncertainty clear on your face. “I’m not ready. I love you more than you know but I’m just not ready for this, I’m sorry…” He can tell you expect him to react negatively so he presses a gentle kiss to your forehead. “That’s okay, baby. We don’t need to rush” He replies reassuringly, and you visibly relax. You’re so relieved. “Want to just cuddle?” He suggests gently, and you nod. The two of you reposition yourselves so you’re snuggled up next to him as he lays on his back, your head resting on his chest. Moments like this make you feel so loved. They remind you how lucky you are to have Min Yoongi.
You had felt totally reassured about the matter after your conversation, but now that he’d basically ghosted you for the three weeks following it, you weren’t so sure. You took a deep breath. “I didn’t think you cared about it, no. But what am I supposed to think? Almost immediately after we talk about it you disappear, zero contact?” You said in frustration. “Do you even want to be in a relationship, Yoongi? Do you just see it as a distraction you can’t afford?” You asked, fearing his answer but truly just needing honesty at this point. “No, of course that’s not what I think. I love you, I don’t want to lose you. And please for the love of god don’t think that me being distant and distracted has anything to do with sex, because I don’t really care about that. I just care about you.” He replied earnestly.
You were so conflicted. Could you trust his words when his actions had so strongly suggested otherwise? It wasn’t until this moment that you realized the entire maknae line was witnessing your very emotional conversation. You focused on breathing evenly and slowly, trying to calm down. “I need a little time to process. I can’t continue talking about this right now. I’m too upset.” You admitted quietly, glancing up at Yoongi before looking at the floor. You covered your face with your hands, shaking your head. Yoongi respected your request for space and went to his room.
Taehyung then put a comforting hand on your shoulder before quietly suggesting “let’s get a snack.” You nodded, walking to the kitchen with Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook right behind you. Jin, who was leaning against the kitchen counter looking at his phone, looked up at the four of you as you entered. He saw the distraught look on your face and the boys’ grim expressions. Jin frowned in concern. “What’s wrong?” He asked, and the four of you looked at each other in an effort to figure out who would tell him and how. Taehyung, who was probably the angriest at the moment, decided to answer. “Y/N’s fantastic boyfriend decided to ghost her for three weeks, and, oh yeah, he also timed it so she thought it was because she wouldn’t have sex with him.” he grumbled. You looked at him kind of uncomfortably, not sure you would’ve phrased it that way, but deciding not to correct him because it was technically true. Jin looked shocked, then sympathetic, hugging you. “Our poor little duckling. That’s awful. Sounds like you could use some brownies.” He said, ruffling your hair a little. “We’ll cheer you up, kiddo, don’t worry.” He started pulling ingredients out. Jungkook took a tentative step toward you like he was afraid you’d fall apart at any second. “Hyung shouldn’t have treated you that way, noona, but it’ll be okay. No matter what happens it’ll be okay, you have all of us.” He said softly, causing Jimin to nod in agreement, giving you a supportive side hug. The boys were succeeding in making you feel at least a tiny bit better, and you were grateful for it.
—————–
Days passed and you still hadn’t been able to figure out what to do about Yoongi. He’d called and texted, of course, but you hadn’t actually spoken to him beyond vague replies to keep from avoiding him entirely. You reflected on how the last three weeks had felt for you. You had felt lonely and sad but most devastatingly, you’d felt completely unwanted. Your relationship had felt one-sided, like you were the only one who cared at all. Every relationship has road bumps, ups and downs, things to work through. The problem here was not that things weren’t perfect but rather that you didn’t know if you could trust Yoongi to be 100% with you in trying to make it better. A slow decline with a long time of you struggling alone to fix things would be worse than ripping off the band-aid, so to speak, and ending it now.
But you considered seriously how it would feel to end things. Just seriously considering it was enough to take your breath away and bring tears to your eyes. That was the main thing, that you didn’t want to lose him. Though the last three weeks had felt as if you’d lost him already. Was that the case? Was it really all over already anyway? Or was there a light at the end of the tunnel? Constantly considering how to move forward exhausted you. You spent the next few days in bed, in the dark, under the covers, just thinking. You were trying to put the pieces back together before you even attempted to deal with the situation.
Here’s what you didn’t (and couldn’t) know. Yoongi was a miserable wreck for the days following your confrontation. The other boys weren’t unsympathetic, but in all honesty, they kind of felt like he deserved it, so they didn’t go out of their way to cheer him up. They’d known you quite some time now because of your friendship with Taehyung, long before you and Yoongi even really knew each other well, let alone were together. You were their friend, too, and it was clear to them that Yoongi was the one at fault in the situation. They weren’t unkind by any means, just distant.
Meanwhile Yoongi was in his studio day and night composing something for you, something that would truly show you what you meant to him. He didn’t always know what to say, but where he never failed to communicate this feelings was through his music. He felt immensely guilty about how things had transpired. What would obviously look like him not caring to you could easily be attributed to his single-minded workaholism and general obliviousness. The timing was the worst part. Yoongi had wholeheartedly meant what he said, that he was more than okay with waiting until you were ready to have sex. It genuinely wasn’t that important to him. What was actually important to him was the feeling you gave him of being understood, loved, appreciated, cared for. He couldn’t imagine a life without you in it, and the fact that he’d put the most important thing to him in jeopardy was eating him alive.
Almost a week had passed since the day in the boys’ dorms before Yoongi finally decided to take matters into his own hands. He wanted to give you space to think, but because he knew you so well he was pretty sure you had shut down entirely as you sometimes did when things became overwhelming. He made his way over to your apartment, knocking on the door. You heard the sound from your place under the covers in bed, but chose to ignore it, hoping whoever it was would go away. The knocking got progressively louder, and still you pretended you couldn’t hear it.
Yoongi silently thanked the universe that he had a key to your place. He unlocked the door and came inside, looking around your living room. As he’d expected, it was dark and empty. He immediately went to your bedroom and crouched down beside your bed, tapping you over the top of the covers your body was fully hidden by. You took a deep breath, knowing that there was no more avoiding to be done at this point. You pulled the covers down enough to let your head stick out.
The first thing you noticed were his eyes. They were so full of sadness and concern. Even with as complicated as things were now, you felt your heart clench when you saw his face, your love for him overflowing. Yoongi rested his hand on the side of your face, caressing your cheekbone with his thumb. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. You nodded slightly, shutting your eyes for a moment. When you looked at him again, he had a more determined expression. “I can’t lose you. I love you more than I will ever be able to express but at the very least, I’ve tried. I wrote something… I want you to know how much I mean it when I say I’m serious about making things better.” He sighed quietly, pulling out his phone and pressing play.
By the end of the song you had tears running down your cheeks, leaking involuntarily from your eyes. You sat up enough to lean forward and kiss him. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.” You said with a little smile. “I love you so much. I just want things to be okay again, no matter how hard we have to try to get there.” You confessed, feeling reassured. Your smile then grew as you grabbed his arm and pulled him toward you, signaling your desire for cuddles. Yoongi knew exactly what you wanted, so he climbed under the blankets and wrapped his arms around you to take his place as the big spoon. He was always your safe place, and all felt right with the world now that your refuge seemed safe once more. You didn’t expect it to be effortless to make sure this kind of situation didn’t repeat itself, but you didn’t really care. You now knew weren’t alone in this, and that was all you’d really wanted.