Work Text:
“I think I’m going to start dating again.”
Five nearly choked on his coffee. Stopping himself from spraying it everywhere, Five croaked, “What?”
Vanya didn’t seem to notice his barely suppressed coughing fit, distractedly picking apart the muffin in front of her to avoid looking at him.
“I mean, I haven’t gone on a date in years- let alone had a relationship! I’ve been so busy I just kind of forgot about dating, but I was talking to Klaus the other day…”
“Klaus? You mean the Klaus who’s getting married? What does he know about dating?” Five asked, having got his coffee down and trying not to sound too confrontational.
“Well, clearly, more than me, since he doesn’t need to date anymore,” Vanya shot a pointed look at Five before her eyes settled back on the plate. “Anyway, I was talking to him and he mentioned this dating app that he swore by-”
“Didn’t he and Dave meet in a bar?” Five interrupted.
“Believe it or not Five, some people have more than one relationship before they get married.”
“I wouldn’t know,” he brushed it off.
Everyone knew Five didn’t date. He just didn’t see the point- he didn’t like tiptoeing around people’s feelings, and he had never really wanted anyone more than Vanya.
She was his best friend, and so he always had someone to call when that prat at work was being prickish again; he always had someone to bring as a plus one to compulsory events and laugh at the absurdity of the whole thing with; he always had a partner to evaluate a new coffee place every Saturday morning- to discuss the quality of the coffee, estimate the amount of joggers who frequented the place, talk about their weeks and split a muffin with.
With a best friend like Vanya, why would he need to date? He’d rather be eating a pizza with her and watching a trashy movie that Vanya swore was ‘pure culture’ on a Friday night than be out on a date.
(Apparently, Vanya didn’t feel the same.
She hadn’t gone out on a date in years, and, for some reason, Five had never really wondered why. They had each other, and that was all they really needed. Or, so Five had felt. Clearly, Vanya had been thinking about this for a while and had been building up to telling him about it.
He tried not to think about why all the air suddenly felt like it had left his lungs when he thought about Vanya being out on a date.)
“Right.” Vanya paused for a moment, and for the life of him, Five couldn’t decipher her expression there (was she ponderous? Sad? Disappointed? Or maybe just lost in thought). But then, she looked back up at him, no trace of whatever had been dominating her thoughts. “Anyway, I downloaded the app-”
“Vanya-”
“Shut up, Five, they’re not all creeps! I want to have an actual date to Dave and Klaus’ wedding, so I downloaded the app. And I’ve got a date. Tonight.”
There was a moment of silence, as Vanya waited for Five’s reaction, still breaking up the muffin in anticipation. Five tried to order his thoughts.
“I don’t like the idea of meeting strangers online and going out on dates with them, but it’s your life.” Five suppressed a sigh and tried to ignore the sensation of something heavy sitting on his chest, making it hard to breathe. “Just- will this make you happy?”
Vanya gave him a wry smile, and Five couldn’t help but feel like he had missed something. “I’m not sure. But I think in the long run, I’ll be happier.”
“Alright. If it makes you happy then, I’ll withhold all further commentary. Now would you stop destroying that muffin? I actually like the chewing part.”
Vanya laughed, pushing the slightly less crumbled half towards him. Five accepted it graciously, trying to scoop up all the crumbs that had fallen astray.
As casually as possible, Five asked, “So who’s the lucky guy tonight?”
Vanya stirred her coffee thoughtfully, searching through her memory. “I think his name is Harold Jenkins.”
-
“Why’d you text me to come over?”
Five, absorbed in his computer, didn’t even look up as Diego came in. “Oh Diego, good, you’re here. I just need your password for the police database.”
He paused. “Five, you know I can’t just give out that information.”
“You used to be so much more fun before you started following the rules,” Five raised an eyebrow at him before fixing his gaze on the computer as the sound of keys clicking furiously filled the room. “Fine, I’ll just hack it then.”
Diego raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you a physicist? How would you know how to hack into a database?”
“It’s not that hard, it’s all just ones and zeroes. Take a class.” Five still didn’t stop typing, eyes glued to the screen.
“What class? ‘How to Illegally Hack into a Police Server for the Average Evil Genius’?” Diego asked sarcastically.
“‘How to Create Your Own Website’ actually. Once you know how to build this stuff, taking it apart is barely harder than rocket science; I would know.”
Diego shook his head- Five could be irritating sometimes, but his snark was a nice reprieve from the rest of his regimented life, especially since they shared a sarcastic sense of humour.
“You know I could report you, right? Hell, they can ping your location as soon as you enter the firewall.”
Five laughed. “This computer is back routed to the server of a Chuck E. Cheese in Pennsylvania. If you think they can find me from there, then you should have nothing to worry about; you obviously think their IT skills are above subpar.”
Five paused in his typing to shoot a look at a disapproving Diego as his computer screen changed completely to the opening page of the database.
“And you won’t report me because you know I won’t abuse this information-” Diego snorted here, “-and if you were going to do it, you would have done it by now; we both know this isn’t my first time doing this.”
Diego sighed; why did Five always have to be right? He didn’t know how Vanya put up with him- but everyone knew they were a package deal. Diego just had no idea how Vanya could stand so much sarcasm all the time.
“What are you even trying to find anyway?” He asked, moving to stand behind Five so he could look over his shoulder. “Who’s Harold Jenkins?”
“He’s Vanya’s date,” Five replied.
Diego frowned. “Right. And you are hacking into the database via Chuck E Cheese to stalk him, why?”
“He’s got a sealed record.”
“Why were you looking at his record?”
“He looked shady,” Five said shortly. “And I was right; he is shady. If I could just get into his file…”
“Then what?” Diego asked.
“Then I can tell Vanya that he’s a creep,” Five said, clearly thinking the answer obvious.
“And then what? They might not even have hit it off. It’s just one date. But she will go out on others, and they might not have dirt for you to dig up.”
Five clenched his jaw grimly. “Good. She deserves someone better than all the jerks on dating sites. Vanya deserves the best.”
(So why did the idea of it make his gut twist?)
Diego so badly wanted to point out how jealous Five looked, but he knew there was no point. What Five and Vanya had was between Five and Vanya; and trying to force Five to acknowledge his feelings now wouldn’t help. Just like with him and Eudora, Five and Vanya had to figure out their own shit together.
So, instead, he nodded. “So why don’t we order some pizza so that when she comes over to talk about tonight, she’s got the best food as well?”
Diego then had to catch the takeout menu flying at his face. “Vanya’s usual order is on the back,” Five told him, still immersed in the computer, though his typing had slowed.
“I guess I’m ordering then.”
“Wow, with deductive skills like that, how could you ever become anything but a detective? I mean, what a waste that would be of pure talent-”
Five was then interrupted by the need of having to duck the takeout menu that was about to sail into his nose.
-
Vanya had never been more uncomfortable in her life.
Sitting at the table, pushing her dinner around with a fork, she couldn’t help but compare how this scene with the one at breakfast- fiddling with her food both times, but twelve hours apart and so different.
With Five, she had just been a little nervous. With Harold, Vanya felt as if she were being weighed up like a pound of meat- like every reaction was being observed and measured.
The night had started out alright. They had met at the restaurant- he was early, and Vanya was on time, so it was a little awkward, but fine. He had said she looked nice and then almost… watched her for her response? Vanya had brushed it off then and complimented him in turn- but over the course of the night, she would become well-acquainted with that look in his eyes.
When she was ordering, or when she was talking about her childhood, it almost felt as if Harold Jenkins was looking for weaknesses. She became convinced of this when he brought up the origins of her name.
“I spent some time in Russia- that’s where your name’s from, right? Though I have noticed that ‘Vanya’ is a nickname variant of the male name ‘Ivan’- is there some background there?”
Despite the casual feeling of curiosity about the query, Vanya couldn’t help but feel as if he were waiting for her to spill her guts. And his eyes, that should be set in a relaxed expression or slight nerves, were cold and set, objectively watching.
“Actually, Ivan was my grandfather’s name, and my mom really loved it. She had a difficult birth with me, and it was unlikely she’d survive having another baby, so she called me Vanya, since she liked the name so much.”
Did he look disappointed that there wasn’t any tension- that it wasn’t a pressure point? After that, Vanya could only notice he seemed to be probing to see where she had a strong emotional vulnerability.
Like, he would say, “So what do you do?”
“I’m a music teacher.” And then, feeling obliged to say more, Vanya added, “I play violin.”
And Harold, seemingly innocuous, asked, “Oh, you didn’t want to play in an orchestra or something like that?”
A couple years ago, that would have been a huge blow to her ego- Vanya had always been a little sensitive about not being good enough, though the few semesters at college and following years with Five’s ‘fuck-everything-and-everyone-except-the-people-I-like’ attitude and some time with a therapist had worked wonders.
Besides, she had found she actually enjoyed teaching, so it was with some vindication that Vanya replied with an edge of ferocity in her painted-on smile, “I did for a while. But I found out that I really liked teaching music for a living, and the kids are great, I love getting to work with them.”
Here, Harold could have taken the opportunity, asking “I bet they’re a little crazy sometimes though? Any weird stories?” or “Yeah, I remember when I was little, my cousin…”. Instead, he gave a blank sort of smile and redirected the conversation.
To be honest though, Vanya was kind of glad- at least now Harold wasn’t fishing for personal information. It was quite disconcerting, as he grinned at her slightly manically, subtly leaving barbs about her work, but even worse was the unsettling way he sat forward in his chair, eager to hear details- as if he were memorising them.
Vanya couldn’t put her finger on it, but there was something that made her feel on edge, made her stomach turn uncomfortably; there was something just not right about Harold Jenkins.
Time positively crawled by- but Vanya kept checking her watch, counting down the minutes.
When the hour and a half mark rolled by, Vanya could have wept with joy. In fact, the only reason she didn’t was because she was already half-way out of her seat. After exchanging formal pleasantries as quickly as humanly possible, Vanya was out the door; she had somewhere to be.
(Because maybe there was someone else who she would rather be with than sitting in some fancy restaurant with an expensive meal that would leave her hungry.)
-
“I’m exhausted, my feet hurt and please tell me that’s pizza I smell?”
Vanya didn’t go home; her apartment was a mess and too far away in heels. Instead, she made good use of the spare key Five had entrusted to her, which was equally- if not more- messy, but she didn’t have to clean it up and it was by far closer. Though, honestly, there was no one else she wanted to see at that moment other than her best friend- and they hadn’t exchanged keys to not use them.
Five never minded her dropping over whenever she wanted to; even when he was on a maths bender, hadn’t slept in three days and was living off Two-Minute Noodles, he was comfortable with having Vanya in his space- though often when she came over then, it was to make him actually drink some water, open the windows and have a nap. Other times, it was just to hang out, or sit together, even if they both were doing other things and just enjoy the company.
Right now though, Vanya just really wanted to spill her internal monologue from her date, peel off her heels and eat something that actually filled her up. As she opened the door, Vanya was surprised to see Diego passed out in an armchair while Five lay across the entire couch, though he righted himself when she entered.
“Hey, yeah, I think there’s some of your favourite in this box,” Five opened one of the boxes to check as Vanya gently closed the door behind her.
“Have I told you how much I love you? Apparently, you don’t feel the same though- I’m gone for one night and you replace me?” Vanya asked half-jokingly, nodding to Diego as Five shoved the pizza box towards her.
“Nah, you know no one could replace you, Vanya. I wanted Diego’s help on a personal project- it didn’t work out. Anyway, how was your date? Sit down,” he shifted over so Vanya could collapse into the pillows.
She groaned softly, leaning forward to kick off her shoes and get a piece of pizza before she slumped back. Still talking in a whisper so as not to wake Diego, Vanya related the more humorous anecdotes of the last two hours of her life between bites of pizza, sighing every now and then at how good it was.
Five didn’t tell Vanya about the sealed record of Harold Jenkins, or his impromptu hacking into the police server. Instead, he listened and laughed with her, enjoying that, even though he knew Vanya had just been on a date and would go on other ones, for now she was with him and this night was theirs alone.
He tried not to think about how much brighter his apartment felt with her in it; how Vanya’s soft voice filling the space felt a little like it was filling something in his chest; about how beautiful Vanya was devouring a greasy pizza with her heels discarded, mascara smudged and hair undone, and a smile on her lips.
(They were best friends- that was enough.)
When she fell asleep on the couch a few hours later, Five carried her to his bed- ignoring her little mumbled complaints about the unfairness of height difference and that he should sleep in his own bed- before coming out to crash on the couch.
(It had to be enough.)
He still wasn’t thinking about Vanya sleeping in his bed or the shitty date she had been on but would still keep going on them because she was stubborn and “I can’t give up now, Five” or that she had only been gone for a few hours and he had missed her because it felt like she was slipping away and Five didn’t want to let her go.
(Maybe it wasn’t enough- but God, how Five wanted it to be.)
Because if Five ever lost Vanya, he didn’t think he’d ever find someone that meant that much to him; he didn’t think he’d ever want to find someone like that.
And if this was what he had to do to keep Vanya in his life, then he’d do it.
-
“So, how’d your date go on Saturday?”
“Will he be present at my wedding?”
Vanya really wished both Allison and Klaus were a little less enthusiastic in their support of her- because as much as she appreciated the support and attention, she could probably use a little less of the latter from everyone else in the café.
“Actually, it was kind of terrible,” Vanya admitted. “Your dating website sucks, Klaus.”
He shrugged, clearly not offended, but Allison was a little sceptical. “If it went so badly, why are you smiling? And I thought you said you didn’t go home last night…”
“I stayed at Five’s. He kind of saved my night- we ate pizza and trashed whatever was on the Hallmark Channel while I told him all about the wonderful Harold Jenkins.”
Klaus and Allison shared a look- the words were on the tips of their tongues.
But they’d talked to Diego, and as friends of both Vanya and Five, they knew they couldn’t say anything. At this point, they were all pretty sure that, on some level, both Vanya and Five knew how they felt about the other- whether they were willing to acknowledge that was an entirely different story. So, all they could do was support them, and hope that one day they might be able to get it together.
“What was it about him that was wrong?” Klaus asked and Vanya frowned slightly.
“I’m not sure exactly. I just didn’t like the feeling I got from him- it felt off.”
Allison nodded- she knew exactly what Vanya meant; no further explanation needed. “Are you going to keep trying then?”
“I’m not sure if I want to go back on that website; Harold was really strange. But I think I want to keep trying dating.” Vanya sighed, taking a sip of coffee- Five would have scoffed at it for not being strong enough, a thought which brought a smile to her face.
Klaus and Allison exchanged another glance- if Five wasn’t doing anything and Vanya was smiling so much, looking so happy at the idea of dating… it really wasn’t their place to intervene. So, Allison offered a solution.
“If it’s the online thing that’s putting you off, I could set you up with someone. I’ve got a friend who is really sweet and single; I’m sure you’d like him.”
Vanya found herself nodding- what the hell? What harm could it do?
“Sure, that sounds good- I trust you. What’s his name?”
“Oh awesome, I’ll text Luther now!”
Klaus could only shake his head and thank whatever it was up in the sky that he didn’t have to date anymore; this could only end poorly.
-
“Wait, you’re going out again?” Five’s voice warbled out of Vanya’s phone on speaker from where it lay somewhere on her bed, lost in a mess of clothes.
“Yep, but this time it’s one of Allison’s friends. Do you think I can wear pants, or do I have to wear a dress?” Vanya asked, thoughtfully contemplating the articles on her bed.
She could practically feel Five’s eyeroll. “How would I know? But it’s cold, so take a jacket either way. Where’s he taking you?”
“I’m not sure, some Italian restaurant, I think. Come on Five, can I compromise with a skirt? You’re a guy, what would you call appropriate to wear for a first date?”
“Well, I’d say clothes are always a good way to go-” Five’s sarcasm, even over the phone, was apparent.
“Five, you’re the worst at giving advice,” Vanya groaned.
“Just wear something comfortable. Sorry, did you expect me to be helpful? You should have called Klaus or Allison if you wanted actual advice. I specialise in-”
“Snarkiness and mathematics, I know. Clearly, I don’t know how to date, but Five, after last time… I just want to do this right.” Vanya tried not to let the defeat and hopelessness she was feeling tinge her words.
Five heard it all the same.
The sigh that prefaced his next words was inaudible to Vanya. “Hey Vanya, wear whatever you want. The guy is lucky enough to be going out with you- he’ll be too distracted by you to care whether you’re wearing a tracksuit or a tablecloth.”
“Thanks, Five,” Vanya just managed to hold back the tremor in her voice.
“Have fun, Vanya.” The line clicked off.
Why did he have to sound so sincere? Why did Five have to be so earnest in all the ways that just hurt to remember; to remember that he didn’t mean it like she wanted him to mean it, like she had wanted him to mean it for years. He saw her as a friend- and it was Vanya’s fault for feeling otherwise, for having felt otherwise for so long that she couldn’t remember when it had started.
So Vanya took it into her own hands; dating wasn’t fun, it was scary and draining and horrible. But this was what moving on looked like, meeting people and learning to push away thoughts of Five until one day, it didn’t have to hurt anymore. And then they could be friends- like Five thought they were, like she wanted them to be.
If only she could make these pesky feelings- that turned her cheeks warm but made her feel like she was home because Five was the only person she wanted to tell everything to- if only she could just make those pesky feelings go away.
And the first step towards that was going out with Luther.
-
“Hey, I’m Luther. Are you Vanya?”
As Vanya stuttered out her greetings, internally she was reeling. He was tall- really tall. Vanya had to crane her neck a little bit to see his face when he rose to greet her. He was also really wide, as bad as that sounded. Overall, Luther was just… big. It made Vanya feel a little dwarfed by him.
It wasn’t that he was trying to be imposing, but for some reason, Vanya felt just a little bit intimidated. He just took up so much space- in a different way than she was used to (because Five might have a big ego but Vanya never felt like his height was daunting or that he was a hulking force even with his opinion of himself- somehow, Vanya just always felt like they fit together).
Following the regular small talk- names, age, jobs, a little on family and the weather- Vanya found they lapsed into a silence. From what she could tell, they didn’t have a lot in common, and as much as she tried to dig into the few things they did share an interest in, the fact that they both agreed the weather had been cold but without rain, which was very unseasonal for this time of year, really couldn’t carry a conversation.
Why was she so bad at dating?
Vanya figured she could take one more stab at conversation before abandoning the pretence and either pulling out some random trivia knowledge or peppering him with questions about his work just to fill the silence.
“So how do you know Allison?”
His eyes lit up, his shoulders straightened, Luther opened his mouth- and Vanya had hit the jackpot.
He didn’t shut up for the next hour.
All Vanya had to do was nod her head and smile, internally already at home- this date was a washout; she couldn’t wait to call Five about this one.
-
Once Five hung up the phone, he made a decision he wasn’t proud of. Five cracked open a bottle and tried his best to forget everything and lose himself in oblivion.
He came around a few hours later to the sound of knocking at the door.
“Five? You in there?”
Blinking blearily, Five stumbled over to the door. “Diego. Why’re you here?”
Diego frowned- Five looked… not himself. “Vanya called me. Said she’d been trying to call you and was concerned about whether or not you were ok- usually you pick up your phone when she calls, and she was worried because you sounded a little weird on the phone earlier.”
Five squinted, trying get the world to stay still. He murmured something unintelligible, swaying on the spot, and Diego stepping forward half a pace to steady him, got a big whiff of his breath.
“Oh, Jesus, Five,” Diego mumbled.
“Vanya called you?” Five half-slurred, still trying to comprehend Diego’s explanation. “How’d ’er date go?”
And suddenly, it all made a lot more sense why Five was getting pissed on a Saturday night, alone.
Five stumbled slightly as he tried to straighten up. “’M fine. An’ you can tell Vanya that.”
“No, you’re drunk, Five. Come on, let’s sober you up.”
Helping Five into his apartment, Diego was looking to see exactly how much Five had drunk when the patient threw himself back onto the couch, half slung off the edge. He sounded serious though, and almost sober, when he next spoke.
“Was she worried?”
“Who?”
“Vanya. Was she worried? Because if she was, you should call and tell her I’m fine and that she doesn’t need to worry about me.” Five pressed his head in his hands at that, as if trying to blot out his problems. “She shouldn’t have to worry about me.”
“She’s your best friend, of course she’s going to worry about you. And clearly for good reason- what happened?”
The thing is, when most people get drunk, they get chatty- and while Five liked to consider himself different from the majority in many regards, in this, he was with the crowd.
“She probably wouldn’t listen anyway; she gets stubborn like that. Vanya’s too nice to ignore me, even when she should. And I’m just a jackass- but for some reason, Vanya always gives me more chances, and she shouldn’t. No matter how many chances I get, I’d never be not fucked up enough to deserve her- she makes me want to be better, to endeavour to deserve her. But here I am, fucking it up again, and one day she’s not going to give me another chance. She hates it when I drink like this, and I hate worrying her, but I just want it to all go away.”
Five pulled himself upright, dragging his hands away from his face to reveal a lost expression with pained eyes. Diego didn’t say anything, but Five went on unprompted, lips loosened by the liquor.
“I don’t like Vanya going out on dates- with Harold Jenkins, with some friend of Allison’s, with anyone. How selfish is that? My best friend is happy, and I don’t like it because I want her to be happy with me.”
“Why don’t you tell her that?”
“She doesn’t like me- not like that. And she shouldn’t, because Vanya can do better than me and she should stop giving me so many chances because I just keep fucking up.”
Diego winced. So Five had figured out he was head over heels for Vanya, while she was out on a date that Allison had been talking up for a week. That wasn’t great. But what could he do? They couldn’t interfere in their relationship.
So he sent Five off to have a shower and poured the rest of the bottle’s contents down the drain before calling Vanya.
“Diego! Is he alright? Sorry for bothering you but usually he picks up his phone and he said he would be awake for ages since caffeine has royally screwed his sleep cycle and I would have gone over, but I knew you were closer-”
“Vanya, it’s ok. He’s fine; just had something to drink and fell asleep on the couch.”
“Oh God, he’s sloshed, isn’t he? I can be over in like twenty minutes.”
Diego thought that might be a bad idea considering Five’s state.
“It’s fine, I’ve got it. He’s not too bad; Five can sleep it off. He asked how your date was though.”
Vanya laughed. “The guy was nice, just not into me- and I didn’t really like him either, so it worked out fine. Tell Five that I’m going to change my ringtone on his phone to ‘The Ride of the Valkyries’ and if he so much as whispers a word of complaint his entire contact list is getting remodelled with my favourite composers.”
“I’ll pass it along,” Diego said, smiling. “Sorry about your date.”
“Don’t be- I’m not really. Can you make sure Five gets to bed ok- for me?”
“I’ll take care of him for you, Vanya.”
(Diego wondered if Vanya knew how much she loved Five.)
“Thank you, Diego,” Vanya breathed out a sigh of relief.
(She knew- but Five had never wanted anything more and Vanya was trying to preserve their relationship from any of her stupid feelings.)
Diego made sure Five actually got into bed, left some water and paracetamol on the table.
“You’re a good friend, Diego,” Five murmured from under his covers. “You won’t tell Vanya what I said, will you?”
“No bro, you’ve got to tell her that stuff yourself. She says hi, by the way. And to protect your contact settings.”
Five seemed to laugh at that. “I don’t think I’ve ever chosen any of the sounds my contacts make since I met Vanya. I wouldn’t trust anyone else with my phone. You want to know something stupid?”
Diego was curious- even though he knew he shouldn’t take advantage of a drunk Five, he was usually so secretive that this was a rare opportunity.
“What’s stupid, Five?”
A sober Five would have taken that easy pot-shot, but instead Five confessed, “Years ago, she changed my background once to a picture of her because she thought it would annoy me- and I haven’t changed it since.”
For the millionth time, Diego wished he could do something to help Vanya and Five sort out whatever it was that made them both so blind. But he knew that, like with him and Patch, having anyone trying to interfere would drive them both insane.
So he picked up a blanket to go and sleep on Five’s couch for the second Saturday night in a row, sending off a quick text to Eudora- Diego couldn’t express how glad he was that they had sorted out their shit, especially when he watched the struggles of Five and Vanya.
He could only hope they would work it out soon.
-
When Five woke up, it was with a dry mouth, a throbbing head and the bitter taste of regret on his tongue. Had he really told Diego all that stuff? Had he finally acknowledged the reason why he felt so shitty the last few weeks? That he really didn’t want anyone but Vanya, who seemed to want anyone but him?
Five was going to need coffee to deal with this.
As he muddled his way out of his room, Five discerned a Diego-shaped lump on his couch. With his typical subtlety, Five went about making himself a cup of coffee, the sound of which roused Diego from his sleep.
“Morning,” Five passed a mug to a tired Diego, slowly sitting up.
“Hi.” Diego replied shortly, sparing Five his usual lecture about the body being a temple to inhale the cup of coffee.
Five didn’t really know what to say next. “Thanks for making sure I didn’t wake up in my own vomit yesterday.” Good job, Five. Nailed it.
“Yeah, well, I was really just acting for Vanya- not sure if you remember that-”
“I do.” Five’s response was clipped, but clear with warning; we are not talking about this. Scrounging for another topic of conversation, Five asked, “How are you and Eudora?”
Diego raised an eyebrow- so they were ignoring Five’s romantic life, but his was fair game?
“How are things going with you and Vanya?”
Five glared at him- they weren’t talking about this. “So, what’s it like working with your girlfriend? Both being on the force must be a little strange, especially when you guys first got together.”
Diego decided to let Five have this one, since he never really turned down the opportunity to talk about Eudora anyway.
“I mean, it was a little weird to begin with. We had a lot of stuff to figure out. We disagreed, a lot, about how we were meant to do our jobs, since Eudora is more of a bureaucrat than me and I tend to take a little more hands-on approach. But we liked each other, and we learnt from each other, so we talked about it and we worked it out.” Diego gave him a pointed look, “Talking about things can really help.”
Five elected to ignore that comment- and the fact that Diego had anything to hang over his head.
Instead, he gestured to Diego’s attire. “You do know that clothes come in colours other than black, right?”
Of course, Five would get sarcastic about this, the little-
And that was the moment Vanya waltzed into the kitchen.
“Oh, Diego, is Five being mean? You can tell him to fuck off, his ego will survive.”
“Betrayed by my own best friend, I’m so hurt,” Five replied dramatically and Diego had to hide his grin in his mug.
“Actually, speaking of, where’s your phone? I’ve got some changes to make,” Vanya held out her hand expectantly, eyebrows raised.
Five relinquished the device to her without a fuss, prodding her about her date as she fiddled around in his settings- with anyone else, Diego knew Five would have been hovering and demanding to know what they were changing, but with Vanya, he just poured himself another cup of coffee and leant against the kitchen bench.
After Vanya finished her date description with: “I’m not sure I want to go out again- maybe I’m just bad at dating.”
“I’m not sure you can be bad at dating,” Five replied.
“Maybe you’re just dating the wrong guys,” Diego added helpfully, ignoring a sharp look from Five.
“What? The available ones?” Vanya asked sarcastically.
Diego raised his eyebrows at Five: Are you going to tell her?
Five quirked his lips in a smile. I would rather chew off my own foot.
“The ones who are going on blind dates,” Five said aloud.
Vanya looked confused
Diego didn’t have high hopes for them working it out this week.
-
A few days later, Vanya and Allison were meeting Klaus about wedding cakes- because Dave was an angel who was madly in love with his fiancé, he had agreed to let Klaus, with all his weird tastes and eccentricities, pick the cake
“So, Luther. He’s nice, right?” Allison looked so proud; Vanya almost hated to rain on her parade- almost.
“Yeah Allison, he’s really nice. He’s also really in love with you! Why would you set me up with a guy who likes you?”
“Oh Allison, you didn’t,” Klaus half-groaned as he tried the lemon cake, pulling a face before murmuring, “Too bitter for anyone who doesn’t drink their coffee black like a heathen.”
(Vanya chose not to take offence at that, if only because she could repeat it later to Five and watch him prepare an all-out war on Klaus for disrespecting his sacred coffee.)
Allison blushed, “Does he really like me? I thought I was reading into it.”
“Allison. He talked about you for an hour. If you like him and you ask him out, I can guarantee he will say yes.”
Allison hid her head in her hands, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t think he actually liked me! Oh, Vanya, I didn’t mean to-”
“It’s ok, Allison! I made a new friend and it was nice to meet your future boyfriend. When are you going to ask him out?” Vanya broke off a bit of the double chocolate cake before handing it to Klaus.
Klaus laughed, taking a huge bite and then chewing with his mouth open as he judged, “By that blush, I’m guessing she’s texted him already.” He appraised Vanya for a moment before carefully asking, “So, what’s the plan now? Are you going to keep going on dates? Because you don’t have to get a date for my wedding- you’ll know pretty much everyone there, you could even just go with Five!”
Vanya shook her head adamantly. “I’m not sure what I’ll do about the dating, but I can’t go with Five. Also, Klaus, that’s disgusting you can’t put liquorice in the cake unless you want to divide the entire wedding.” She shoved the cake away from her.
Klaus smiled, “Vanya, that one wasn’t for the wedding, that’s just a free snack for now.”
“Right, does the woman who is serving us samples know that?”
“Well, why not?” Allison asked, turning off her phone after getting an affirmative from Luther about going to dinner. At Vanya’s confused look, she elaborated, having ignored the last ten seconds of conversation. “Why can’t you go to the wedding with Five?”
“I mean, I love Five,” Vanya couldn’t help but smile here, because they had no idea just how much she did love Five, “but he doesn’t date. Even if it was just a friend thing, he’d probably get uncomfortable.”
“Five is never uncomfortable when he’s with you,” Klaus told her, “take it from someone who has known him for years.”
Vanya frowned. “Yeah, because we’re friends. He doesn’t like me like that, end of story. So, I still need a date.”
Allison couldn’t help but notice Vanya said that Five didn’t like her, not that she didn’t like Five. She was about to say as much- after talking to Diego this morning about the ridiculous tap dance Five and Vanya were doing around each other, she was more than ready to give Vanya a little nudge in acknowledging her feelings- but the universe had other plans.
(It knew Vanya and Five would need a bigger push than nosey friends to get that ball rolling, so it sent the final nail in the coffin.)
“Hey Klaus, Dave told me I could find you here- something about tasting wedding cakes?” Klaus leapt up, obviously very excited, as Allison and Vanya spun around to see who Klaus was hugging.
“Ben?”
“Hey, Vanya! It’s great to see you- what’s it been? Three years?”
Vanya laughed, rising to give him a hug as well. “Something like that, yeah. Oh, Allison, this is Ben. He’s Klaus’s best friend, but he lives out of town, so we never see him- sometimes it feels like he’s dead by the way we don’t bring up his name. Anyway, I met him in college, a year or so before I met you.”
“Hey, I’m Allison, nice to meet you.”
They exchanged the formalities for a minute or so before passing Ben the double chocolate- having been elected the best- for his verdict as they slowly worked their way through the rest of the samples.
Vanya had forgotten how much fun she had with Ben; he loved reading as much as she did, so they could talk about books, and his dry sense of humour was on par with hers. Klaus and Allison were great friends because they shared history and cared about her, but Ben was a lot more similar to her personality-wise than her outgoing friends.
After about an hour, as they were about to leave, Ben caught up with her.
“Hey Vanya. I wanted to catch you before you left- I got a new phone, so I was hoping we could exchange numbers?”
“Oh yeah, of course, just let me find mine,” Vanya smiled- it would be nice to get back into contact with Ben. “So, Chicago has been treating you well?”
“Yeah, it’s been good, but I think I’m gonna move back here. I’ve missed having all my friends so close- and I suppose there is no place like home,” he shrugged before giving her a good-natured grin. “Looks like you’ve done well yourself; you look good.”
Vanya felt herself flush. “Thanks, Ben. That’s really nice of you to say.”
“This is probably a long-shot, but I’d love to catch up- are you free on Friday?”
“For like…?” Vanya let the ending hang.
“For like a date- if that’s ok?”
-
“Hey Five, guess who I ran into today?”
“The ghost of Mary Shelley?” Five deadpanned.
“Ben’s in town. He was at Klaus’s cake tasting today.”
“Wow, Ben from college? How is he?”
“He’s good; he’s actually moving back here. And he asked me to go to dinner with him.”
“Like on a date?”
“Yeah, we’re going out on Friday- is there anything you want me to tell him from you?” Vanya tried to sound innocent, but she watched him all the same- did he care at all?
(She missed the clench in his jaw, the tense in his shoulders. Instead, Vanya only saw the mask Five had pulled on just a few seconds earlier.)
Yeah, Five could think of a lot of things he wanted to say to someone who was dating Vanya- but this was Ben. Five had been so close with him during college- it was through Ben and Klaus that he had even met Vanya.
Five knew that Ben would be good to Vanya- that they would be good together. And Vanya deserved someone who would appreciate all of her, who she could talk about books with and discuss her music and she didn’t have to bribe to come out on a Saturday morning with coffee.
So much as it hurt, as Five wanted to tell Vanya how much he liked her- he couldn’t. Vanya deserved better than him. So, he just smiled and didn’t say anything- or, at least, anything of value.
“Yeah, could you tell him he owes me some proper coffee? After that swill he made me drink before exams, I couldn’t trust black coffee for months.”
“Five, you’re such a coffee snob-”
“Hey, it was revolting! A disgrace to the name of coffee, I still can’t believe Ben did me so dirty-”
Vanya rolled her eyes. “Do you ever shut up, Five?”
“You know me better than that, Vanya.”
(And his smirk was almost believable.)
-
Vanya was actually getting kind of excited as the end of the week rolled around- Ben was fun and, as nervous as she was, Vanya found she could be a little less anxious when she actually knew who she was going out with.
Still, when they actually went out, Vanya felt a little weird.
“So how’s the apartment search going? Found anything yet?”
“Not yet- it’s been really hard to find listings that are in my price range.”
Vanya hummed. “Five and I had that problem when we finished college, finding anywhere to live that is affordable and isn’t a shoebox is ridiculously difficult.”
“You and Five are still close then?” Ben asked carefully.
“Yep, we hang out every Saturday, at least- but I usually see him more often than that. Also, I was meant to tell you that he has not forgiven you for the crappy coffee.”
Ben laughed. “Can’t say I’m surprised- Five can hold a grudge for eternity. Which, speaking of, eternity, how have you not changed a bit since I last saw you?”
Vanya frowned a little; she knew it was meant to be a compliment, but it was actually a little worrying- she had worked hard on herself in the last few years in learning how to establish herself as a person and be confident in her own opinions.
But it really wasn’t that big of a deal- Vanya had brushed off many a comment similar to that from other friends and family; she didn’t have to justify herself to anyone- Five’s ideology of fuck you if you think I care what you think had rubbed off on her.
They laughed through dinner while comparing recent reading lists and on the way to the cinema, Vanya found herself enjoying witty banter and talking about how Vanya played the violin more for fun now, even though she was a music teacher. It was nice; it was light; and yet, as Vanya sat through that movie with Ben’s arm around her, all she could feel was like she was in the wrong place.
And it hit her, all at once- she wasn’t bad at dating; she just didn’t want to be dating. Vanya wanted to be sitting in her pyjamas at home with Five, debating about who would pick the café for tomorrow morning.
Vanya had been forcing herself to go on these dates that were horribly awkward, and she’d thought that was why it felt wrong. But it wasn’t. It was simply because they weren’t Five.
Unluckily, this was a problematic time to realise that- while she was still out on one of said dates. So, as she sat there and waited for the movie to end, Vanya tried to piece together some kind of apology to Ben, to explain exactly why she was so sorry and hoped they could still be friends.
When the credits finally rolled and they got up from their seats, Vanya and Ben stood outside the theatre in the cold night air.
“Hey Ben, I’m really glad we could catch up and I had a lot of fun tonight-”
“-But it’s not going to work. Don’t worry, I get it. You and Five have always had something- I thought it couldn’t hurt to ask.”
“Wait, Five and I? How did you-”
“I mean, I can only guess, but you guys were always so in sync and when you were talking about him earlier, you looked so happy. So, I figured… anyway, I’m so happy for you guys- especially since I always thought Five had a thing for you in college.”
Vanya smiled a little wistfully. “Well, I mean, it doesn’t look like it now. But that doesn’t matter. I’m so sorry for about this.”
“Have you told him?”
“Yes, I told Five I’m passionately in love with him and he reciprocated, which is why I’m out on a date on a Friday night, embarrassing myself,” Vanya snarked before slapping a hand over her mouth- she hadn’t meant to speak her mind exactly like that (maybe she had just become used to doing it with Five since she was so comfortable with him).
Ben laughed, “Point taken. Are you going to tell him?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” Vanya’s brow furrowed. “I can’t think about this right now. I’m sorry for being such a buzzkill though and ruining your night.”
Ben waved off her apologies. “Don’t be sorry. I am glad we did this; I’ve missed having someone to rant to about how weird ‘Lolita’ is. Like, everything about it-”
And just like that, they fell back into the rhythm of friends.
(Vanya just wished it could be so easy for her and Five to do that- or maybe she didn’t.)
-
That night, Ben’s gentle encouragement and Allison’s prodding and Klaus’s understanding and Diego’s silent support- all of it swirled in her head. And when she woke the next morning, Vanya still felt a little unsteady- but now, some kind of determination filled her. She was sick of dressing up for people she didn’t want to impress or being where she didn’t want to be.
Vanya could only move on once she actually admitted her feelings to Five.
So, she got up early and went around to Five’s apartment.
“Hey, Five, ready to go?”
The half mumble, half groan garble that reached Vanya’s ears told her that he was at least awake, if not functional. Coming out of his room- hair mussed in a way he wouldn’t be caught dead looking if he had caffeine in his system- Five grabbed his jacket and shoved his phone in his pocket, still looking asleep.
“Remind me why I let you get me up so early on a Saturday?”
“Because coffee, Five. Come on, I heard about this place that isn’t too far from here. Who knows, maybe by the time we get there you’ll be able to have a coherent conversation with me.”
“Doubtful,” Five mumbled even as the door shut behind him- because he was pretty sure he’d follow Vanya anywhere.
-
Fifteen minutes and a few cups of coffee later, Five was feeling up to actual human interaction.
“Ok, so how was your date with Ben last night? Did you guys have fun?”
“Yeah, we had fun,” Vanya replied, trying to measure exactly where half was on the muffin before cutting it.
“So, are you going to go out again?” Stupid question Five- if they had fun, why wouldn’t they go out again?
“Nah, we like being friends better.” Vanya got it perfectly lined up and was preparing to make the first incision, when she added casually, “I think I’m going to leave off the dating for a while anyway, since I’m trying to get over someone.”
This time, Five actually did choke on his coffee.
Coughing and rasping affirmatives to a few concerned queries about whether he was ok or not, Five couldn’t tear his eyes from Vanya, who was devastated that during his coughing fit, Five had knocked the table and she had, as a consequence, accidentally destroyed the muffin again.
She was lamenting over it, “So young, so full of potential and now just crumbs-”, when Five interrupted.
“Who are you trying to get over? You haven’t dated anyone in years- and if it’s one of the losers from those dates you’ve been on recently…”
“It’s not. I just- does it really matter who I was in love with?”
Five could have sworn his heart stopped beating. “I mean, considering I didn’t even notice you were interested in somebody; I’d really love to know whose ass I can go and kick for hurting you.”
Because anyone who is lucky enough to get your love and not want it never deserved you in the first place.
Vanya seemed to find that particularly funny for some reason. “I don’t think kicking anyone’s ass would help here, Five.”
“Really? I’ve found that usually it can fix the whole situation.”
“Not this one,” Vanya murmured- and she couldn’t help but feel the eerie parallel to the Saturday morning three weeks ago, when she was once again destroying a muffin and trying to admit to Five exactly how she felt.
This time, though, Vanya had given up on subterfuge and secrets. She didn’t want to hide this from Five- she should just tell him. Why did being vulnerable have to be so scary? Why did the idea of losing people have to be terrifying?
But Vanya was sick of tiptoeing around it and pretending it didn’t exist- why not just get it all out on the open? So, that’s exactly what she did.
“You’re the person I’m trying to get over, Five.”
You know when you’re about to go in a pool, but you know it’s going to be freezing, so you worry about it and build up all this anxiety about going in. And finally, you calm yourself down enough to think you’re ready to go in so you jump- and in that split second, you regret it more than you ever have anything else in your life? Because no matter what, you can’t take it back.
Under-committing is easier to recover from than over-committing. And Vanya, in those few moments of silence, acutely felt her inability to reverse the effects of her actions. She had just screwed up one of the best relationships in her life and-
“What?” Vanya’s gaze flew up to meet Five’s upon hearing the hesitation in his voice. “For how long?”
Vanya gave him a wry grin. “A while, actually.”
“Do you know how long I’ve been hoping to hear you say that?” When Vanya shook her head, Five let a short laugh drop from his lips, “A while.”
He frowned then, though. “Vanya, I’m not- I’m not like those guys you were going out on dates with that knew how to do all this… dating stuff.”
“I know; you’re Five. And that’s exactly why I’m sitting here with you- not any of them. And I know I’m not exactly easy either,” Vanya confessed, letting some of her hair fall in front of her face.
Five grinned vindictively. “Easy is boring. I much prefer you exactly as you are, Vanya.”
Vanya gave him a smile, even as a slight flush burned at her cheeks. “So- where do we go from here?”
“Well, I like you. And I’m pretty sure you said you liked me before-”
Vanya groaned. “You’re going to be insufferable about this, aren’t you?”
“Ah, come on Vanya, you know you love me,” Five raised his eyebrows at her and Vanya couldn’t help but laugh.
(How much things could change in just a few minutes; how much of our lives we live inside our own heads- so if we don’t make them a nice place to be, how can the rest of our lives be a nice place to be as well?)
“Anyway, I’m starving and since you’ve once again saved me the labour of actually chewing my half of the muffin, why don’t we eat here and then maybe we could go on a walk, since we’re awake at this ungodly hour anyway?”
Vanya chose not to point out that Five didn’t believe in God. “Are you asking me out on a date, Five?”
“A date? Now? No, this is just an outing. But, speaking of, I do have this wedding coming up…. Want to be my date?”
Vanya laughed, nodding, before leaning in conspiratorially to whisper to him, “I’ve heard that the cake is supposed to be amazing- we could swap plates there, since they’re trying a few flavours.”
“I’ll consider it,” Five murmured, but he was a little distracted by how close Vanya was to him.
Their first kiss was one stolen in a coffee shop; their second would be on their walk through the park, both still snacking on some crumbs of the muffin remnants; and their third would be on Vanya’s doorstep after they had the formal dinner and a movie, before she invited Five inside.
They lost count after that- as they did of the number of dates they went on, all the different types of cake at Dave and Klaus’s wedding that they tried in between fending off questions about their relationship by an ecstatic Allison and relieved Diego.
But they never lost count of the weeks- because every Saturday, Five and Vanya would go and have coffee and split a muffin and listen to each other.
It would be on a Saturday that Five would propose to Vanya, and a Saturday when they got married, and promised each other every Saturday for the rest of their lives.