Work Text:
September
Five months since Abby’s death
“So,” Amanda started, sitting down on the couch next to Kaitlyn. “How’s Gary?”
Kaitlyn looked over at her from the TV, a confused look on her face. “Who’s Gary?” she asked, taking a sip of her wine. Kaitlyn paused the recording of Grey’s Anatomy that had been recorded the night before so that they could watch together.
“It’s a code name,” Amanda clarified, shoving chips and salsa into her mouth. “For your super hot boyfriend,” she continued while she chewed.
“Please don’t call him Gary,” Kaitlyn told her, wrinkling her nose at both the idea of referring to Chris as Gary and Amanda’s mouthful of food. “One, we’re alone, you can call him Chris. Two… please don’t call him Gary. Gary is a pedophile in a white van waiting to have his own episode of Special Victims Unit.”
“You ruin all of my fun,” Amanda sighed heavily, rolling her eyes. “How’s Chris?”
“He’s good, things are very good,” Kaitlyn replied, unable to stop the grin spreading across her face or the blush coloring her cheeks. She looked down at her watch. “He’ll be home in four hours, 27 minutes, and 15… 14… 13 seconds.”
“Oh, you’ve got it bad!” Amanda cackled, shoving Kaitlyn in the shoulder. “You are in capital L love.”
“Whatever,” Kaitlyn scoffed, avoiding her friend’s gaze by taking a big gulp of wine.
“You wanna play that game, Liar McLiarson?” Amanda challenged, turning to face her friend fully. “You two text constantly and talk to each other on the phone at least twice a day, you’ve introduced him to your family, he wants to bring you into his inner circle, and you guys have mind-blowing sex,” Amanda began ticking off on her fingers. “Shall I go on?”
“None of that necessarily equates love,” Kaitlyn pointed out, continuing to stare ahead at the paused TV rather than have her too-perceptive-for-her-own-good friend read the emotions on her face.
“Fine then,” Amanda countered, undeterred. “I’ll continue.”
Kaitlyn clapped her hand over her friend’s mouth before she could continue. “You win,” she conceded, removing her hand and letting it drop to her lap as she reached across and placed her empty wine glass on the table with her opposite hand. “Claire’s picked up on it, too.”
Amanda squealed excitedly, throwing herself at Kaitlyn in a hug-tackle hybrid. “Kate, this is a-fucking-mazing! Have you told him? Has he said it back? Oh! Can you introduce me to Sebastian Stan?” she asked at a rapid fire pace.
“Calm down,” Kaitlyn said, laughing despite herself, “but to answer your questions, no, no, and definitely no.”
“You haven’t…” she stared, but cut off immediately as Kaitlyn’s responses sunk in. “Wait, why won’t you introduce me to Sebastian Stan?”
“I don’t know him,” Kaitlyn reminded her. “Plus, you’d probably scare the shit out of him.”
“But it would be so much fun,” Amanda argued with a devilish smirk.
“No,” Kaitlyn repeated firmly, reaching over to dunk a chip into the salsa before popping it into her mouth.
“Again, ruining all of my fun!” Amanda exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. “Fine, I’ll drop it. For now. I still think we need a code name that we can use in public.”
Kaitlyn laughed lightly and shook her head. “You’re incorrigible.”
“Damn straight,” Amanda agreed, nodding her head once emphatically. “Oh! What about like a mash up of some of his character names? Like Steve Adler? Or Ari Drysdale?” She scrunched up her nose in distaste after a moment. “Scratch that second one.”
”Already done,” Kaitlyn laughed, picking up her phone from where it rested on the coffee table. She pulled up her contacts and flipped the phone around so Amanda could see. She had safely tucked away the original selfie that Chris had taken to save in her phone. Instead, the contact now showed an apple.
“Who’s Colin Weiss?” Amanda asked, taking the phone from Kaitlyn’s hands as if holding it herself would suddenly make it clear.
“It’s Chris, you dumbass,” Kaitlyn explained, taking back her phone. “I’ve already thought of this. Between phone calls showing up on my watch and my tendency to forget my phone in the break room, I didn’t want to run the risk of anyone seeing who shouldn’t.”
“I want it down on the record that this was my brilliant idea first,” Amanda huffed in exaggerated petulance.
“Noted,” Kaitlyn deadpanned, rolling her eyes.
“What are your plans for his homecoming?” Amanda asked, seemingly satisfied now that the topic was settled as much as it could have been.
Kaitlyn shrugged her shoulders, standing up and grabbing their empty wine glasses. “Nothing definitive,” she admitted, walking into the kitchen to refill them. “What I do know is your ridiculous ass will not be here.”
“Oooh,” Amanda called out as Kaitlyn walked back into the living room. She did a little happy dance as Kaitlyn handed her the fresh glass of wine. “He’s coming here, huh?”
Kaitlyn nodded. “Yeah,” she told her, curling her legs up and to one side. She rested her wine glass on her knee and spun it gently by the stem. “I’ll cook and we’ll just watch a movie or something. He’s usually pretty wiped after a day of traveling, so he’s just going to crash here.”
“Or something,” Amanda snickered, giving her a wink over her wine glass as she took a sip. “Don’t get pregnant.”
“We can manage to hang out and keep our clothes on,” Kaitlyn pointed out, pressing play and resuming the show.
“What is it with you and fun-ruining today?” Amanda chastised, playfully shoving her friend in the shoulder again.
—————
“Katie, I’m home,” Chris called out in his best Ricky Ricardo accent as he let himself in through Kaitlyn’s front door. Kaitlyn had given him a copy of her key a month ago, insisting that it made sense with her crazy hours at the hospital and his travel schedule. At least that was her logic when she’d given it to him. Really, though, she was looking for an excuse; something that made her seem less clingy than she felt.
“In the kitchen,” she called back, whisking Parmesan cheese into the Alfredo sauce.
Maximus and Dodger ran to meet Chris in the hallway, the two dogs danced in circles around his legs before Maximus chased Dodger out the dog door and into the backyard.
“Hello, beautiful girlfriend,” Chris greeted, dropping his duffle bag on the countertop and walking over to stand beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist, and placing a kiss to her temple.
“Hey there, handsome boyfriend,” she replied, smiling up at him and rising up to her toes and pressing a kiss to his lips.
“Smells delicious,” he commented, picking up a spoon and dipping it into the sauce before taking a taste. He went to dip the spoon back into the sauce and steal another bite when Kaitlyn smacked the back of his hand.
“Wait for dinner,” she admonished, reaching over to reduce the heat on the burner. She reached over and grabbed the loaf of Italian bread and sliced it in half lengthwise. “Do you realize you called me Katie?” she asked, looking up at him shyly through her lashes. “Butter, please.”
“Did I?” he asked, handing her the butter dish that she had pointed to.
“Mmhmm,” Kaitlyn hummed, grabbing a butter knife from the drawer and spreading the butter across the two halves then sprinkling garlic powder and Parmesan on top. “No one outside of my family has ever called me Katie. Can you turn on the broiler for me, please?”
“Do you not want me to call you Katie?” he asked, turning around to turn on the oven. He moved to face her again, leaning back against the counter, his hands resting on the counter at his hips, his feet crossed at the ankles.
“Oh, no,” she insisted, glancing back at him over her shoulder. “I like Katie, I’m just used to Katie coming from people I lov… from my family.” She caught herself before she could say ‘love.’ She wasn’t sure if she was ready to open that can of worms despite what she and Amanda had talked about earlier that afternoon.
“Katie it is then,” he agreed, walking up behind her, placing his hands on the sides of her neck and kneading his thumbs along her spine.
Kaitlyn groaned when his thumbs kneaded into the spot between her shoulder blades that always seemed to ache, her head falling back until it hit his chest. “If you keep that up, dinner is going to burn,” she told him.
“I could do this all day,” he chuckled, his lips brushing against her ear.
“You did not,” she laughed, turning around and gently shoving him away from her. “You are such a dork.”
“I love…” he started before stopping to clear his throat, “I love that you call me out on my bullshit.”
“Someone has to keep you in check,” she teased, grabbing the garlic bread and sticking it in the oven. She chose to ignore the redness that colored his cheeks after his last statement. “Dinner is almost ready, and I think my nonna would be proud if I do say so myself.”
“Enjoy now, burn calories later,” he replied, grinning at her mischievously and wiggling his eyebrows.
“Is that a promise?” she asked, stepping closer to him and placing a hand on his chest.
“Most definitely,” he responded, wrapping one arm around her shoulders and the other around her waist before spinning her around and dipping her backwards as he pressed his lips to hers.
Kaitlyn wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he dragged his teeth along her bottom lip, pulling it between his own. Chris traced her lips with his tongue, making his verbal promise more physical. Kaitlyn sighed as he brought her back upright. She looked up at him with heavy eyelids, leaning into him further, and moving her arms down around his waist.
“I love…” her eyes snapped open and pulled away from him slightly. “I love the way you kiss me.” She looked back up at him, her smile a bit broader than she intended, trying to mask her slip.
“You’re not so bad either,” he teased, kissing the tip of her nose. “Do I have time for a quick shower?”
“You should have time,” she said, dropping her hands to his hips as she turned to look at the pot she had put on to boil for the fettuccini.
“Great,” he said, kissing her cheek before turning and grabbing his duffle and heading down the hall.
Kaitlyn leaned against the counter and ran a hand over her face. “Get it together, Kate. You cannot tell him you love him.” She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thoughts before turning back to the stove and adding the fettuccini to the boiling water.
—————
After dinner, Chris was stretched out on the couch on his back, one arm curling around his head on the armrest behind him. Dodger stretched out on the floor beside the couch while Chris lazily scratched the top of the pup’s head. Kaitlyn walked over, joining him at the couch after she’d finished cleaning up the kitchen. She looked down at him and smiled softly, his eyes heavy with sleep.
“You should go on to bed,” she said softly, running her fingers through his hair. “I’ll take the dogs for a walk and join you in a bit.”
“It’s late,” he mumbled, rolling over onto his side. “Shouldn’t let you go alone.” His eyes fell shut as he snuggled deeper against the throw pillow.
Kaitlyn leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Go to bed, sleepy boy,” she insisted, laughing softly. She walked over to where both of the dogs’ leashes hung by the door. Both dogs hastily ran over to join her, tails wagging (or in Maximus’s case, his entire rear end). She hooked the leashes to their collars before turning back around to look at Chris who was still half asleep on her couch.
Chris sat up slowly and ran a hand over his face. “No, I should come with you,” he insisted, standing up and swaying slightly in his exhaustion.
“Chris, I got this,” Kaitlyn insisted, walking back over to him. She poked him in the shoulder and he fell back into the couch cushions. “Go to bed,” she insisted again. “We’ll be back in 20 minutes.”
“Fine, you win,” he relented, slowly rising to his feet again, but this time turning in the direction of the hallway. “You’re bossy,” he teased lightly, bending forward to press a kiss to her lips.
“I know, it makes me a good nurse,” she agreed, pushing him in the direction of the bedroom. “I’ll be back in a bit,” she told him, patting his butt as she passed him on her way out the door.
Once safely out the door with Max and Dodger in tow, she pulled out her phone to call Amanda.
“I don’t need you to call me immediately after hot sex with your hot movie star boyfriend,” Amanda said by way of greeting.
“That’s not why I’m calling,” Kaitlyn snapped, trotting across the street toward the park. “I can’t do this. I’ve almost slipped twice,” she fretted, bending over and letting the dogs off their leashes once inside the fenced off dog park. “I can’t tell him I love him, I just can’t.”
“Uh, why not?” Amanda asked. “I thought we agreed that you did?”
“I do,” Kaitlyn insisted, tucking her phone between her ear and shoulder before crossing her arms across her chest. “I think?”
“Dude,” Amanda snipped, and Kaitlyn could picture the scowl on her friend’s face perfectly. “You are 1000% in love with him. The fact that you’re scared to tell him just solidifies the fact.”
“You’re right,” she sighed, moving her phone from one ear to the other. “I’m just terrified.”
“Girlfriend, you’re smart, funny, and gorgeous,” Amanda insisted. “You’re a fucking catch.”
“I know I’m a catch. I think he maybe wants to say it too?” Kaitlyn admitted, whistling at the dogs when they got too rowdy. “I think he stopped himself from saying it when he first got to my place.”
“Then you should tell him how you feel,” Amanda pushed.
“He called me Katie tonight,” she told her.
“What?” Amanda shouted. “You don’t even let me call you Katie!”
“Deal with it,” Kaitlyn snapped, starting to pace. “But what if I’m misreading him?” she sighed, chewing on her lower lip nervously. “What if we’re in two completely different places? What if he really does just love that I call him out on his bullshit?”
“Kate, breathe,” Amanda said. “Just say what you feel. Let it go.”
“You’ve been working in pediatrics for too long,” Kaitlyn muttered, rolling her eyes despite the fact that her friend couldn’t see her. “Anna totally thought Hans loved her when he didn’t.”
“And then she found Kristoff and lived happily ever after,” Amanda said flatly.
Several beats of silence passed between them.
“We’ve both been working in peds too long,” Amanda stated.
“What do I do?” Kaitlyn asked. “He’s so tired, I actually sent him to bed before I took the dogs out. Do I wait? Should I do something spontaneous? But is it spontaneous if I plan it?”
“You’re rambling again,” Amanda pointed out. “As cliché as it sounds, follow your heart. Regardless of how you tell him, it will be meaningful for the both of you.”
Kaitlyn sighed heavily. “I really do love him,” she admitted.
“So go tell him,” Amanda said gently. “It doesn’t have to be tonight, tell him over breakfast or something. Tell him while walking the dogs, I don’t care, just tell him for both of our sanities.”
“OK,” Kaitlyn agreed, trying to convince herself more than Amanda. “OK. I can do this.”
“Yes, you can,” Amanda agreed. “Now go get ‘em, tiger!”
“Thanks,” Kaitlyn said softly, smiling at the thought of telling Chris that she loved him; at the possibility of his reaction. The whole idea gave her butterflies. “I’ll call you sometime tomorrow.”
“You better,” Amanda teased, laughing lightly. “You’ll be fine.”
“Hey, Amanda?” Kaitlyn interjected before her friend could hang up.
“Yeah?” Amanda responded.
“Thanks,” Kaitlyn said, smiling. “Love you.”
“See how easy that was?” Amanda teased.
“Shut up.”
“Love you, too,” Amanda replied before ending the call.
”Bubbie, Dodger,” Kaitlyn called, whistling for the dogs and tucking her phone back in her pocket. She hooked their leashes on and turned back toward home.
Kaitlyn walked back into her home, and the butterflies she felt earlier kicked up into a flurry of hornets as she unclipped the leashes. She placed a hand on her stomach in an attempt to settle it and took a deep breath before following the dogs down the hall to the bedroom. She smiled at the sight of Chris sprawled out in her bed fast asleep. Maybe this could give her an out, maybe she could say how she felt while he slept to get it off her chest without dealing with his emotions. She quietly walked into the bathroom to begin getting ready for bed.
She emerged a few moments later, rubbing lotion into her hands. Her heart swelled at the sight that greeted her in the glow of the bathroom light. Dodger was stretched out at the foot of the bed by Chris’s feet. Maximus was at his hip and would be tucked between the two of them once she climbed into bed. Even Steve Rogers had abandoned his perch on his cat tree and was curled up between the pillows where they would rest their heads.
She carefully got into bed beside Chris. Maximus moved to tuck himself behind her knees while she curled herself around Chris’s side, one of her legs crossing over to tangle with his as she rested her head against his chest. She snuggled further into him, closing her eyes, and sighing in contentment. She closed her eyes, relishing in the sound of his steady heartbeat against her ear.
As she sunk further into him, she couldn’t help the soft “I love you” that came flooding out. Her eyes snapped open and she felt rather than heard his breath catch in his chest.
“Oh shit,” she muttered, sitting upright, but leaving a hand pressed against his bare chest. She looked down at him, and even in the dark his bright eyes bore into her soul.
“I didn’t mean,” she started, her words stuttering to a halt. “Well, I did, but… I’m sorry, I thought you were,” her words stopped and started as her brain tried to process what she had just said.
“I love you, too” he replied softly, bringing a hand up to rest against her cheek.
“Really?” she asked, bringing her own hand up to hold his that lay against her cheek. She couldn’t stop the grin spreading across her face even if she tried.
“Really,” he confirmed, squeezing her hand in his and matching her smile with one of his own.
“I love you,” she repeated, a bubble of laughter escaping from her mouth.
“I love you so much, pretty girl,” he told her, beaming up at her before gently pulling her down and pressing his lips against hers.