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"I promise Keith..."
Shiro leaned against the doorframe, watching the person in question sleep. Keith's right arm hung over the edge of the bed, his fingers brushing the floor of his room, while his head buried in the crook of his left arm. The teen remained oblivious to the presence of another person in the doorway of his room, yet Shiro preferred it this way.
In Shiro's mind, he formulated a resolution for the following year. Painfully though, Shiro knew all to well he made the same resolution every single year, and yet every single year he never felt as if he succeeded in keeping the said resolution. In fact, what occurred recently felt all too much like proof of his failure.
The idea though of Takashi Shirogane failing at something when he graduated with top honors from the garrison, but also the record number of accolades for any graduate likely seemed laughable. The idea likely seemed quite laughable to the Shirogane family, who took great pride in his accomplishments.
And yet those accomplishments left him feeling empty rather than needed.
Raised by his grandparents, there remained an empty hole left by his parent's absence, yet his mind also wanted answers. He found himself diving into the Kerberos mission option, yet also looking for the man who left him to do who knows what. In truth, he'd come to the point he expected only dead ends.
He'd not expected to meet Keith.
In truth, his gut reaction to meeting Keith wasn't a positive one. Specifically, finding out Keith existed left him angry and jealous. After all, his old man chose Keith over him, leaving Shiro wanting to hate the stranger in the same manner he already hated his father. Except, Shiro also felt guilt, as he chose to blame things the old man did on Keith. So, he made a resolution for the following year.
"I promise Keith, to be a better older brother."
Being a better older brother proved one of the hardest things he'd ever done. Everything else came easily to him, and yet becoming the legal guardian of a child with major trust issues proved a daunting task. Keith's issues regarding abandonment proved worse than Shiro's for starters, but Keith was also special.
Shiro realized Keith's specialness upon first meeting his younger brother, finding himself enamored by the boy's personality. In truth, unlike others, he quickly saw the real Keith under the prickly façade the boy put up to prevent people getting close on a personal level. Keith's fear of rejection made the boy push everyone away.
Of course, while Keith knew Shiro was his legal guardian, Shiro never told him why – that he was Keith's older brother. The topic of their father, after all, was a sensitive subject. Shiro still held quite a bit of resentment, yet Keith missed the same person. In part, he wanted to avoid his own hurt, yet also wished to avoid hurting himself.
And yet...
"Why do you even bother?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why do you even bother with me? Everyone else says..."
"You're worth it Keith."
"But why?"
Month after month Keith asked the same question and Shiro found himself year after year making the same resolution to be a better older brother. Yet, could he be a better older brother when he never claimed to be the older brother? He started to think that, no, he could not, and yet the same resolution was made the year of the Kerberos mission.
"I promise Keith, to be a better older brother."
Specifically, he planned on – after the mission ended – in telling Keith the truth. They'd arrive back on Earth a bit before Keith's birthday, and then Shiro would take time off to spend some quality time with Keith to make sure his younger brother finally understood why. Not only was Keith his younger brother, but Keith managed to feel that emptiness and give Shiro something important in his life.
And yet, that birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas never happened.
Shiro found himself captured by the Galra, fighting for his life in their arena. The thing which kept him going after every battle, the thing was Keith. He wanted to get home, to make up for not returning home like he promised. He wanted to make up for being yet another person who left Keith alone. He wanted to get home, so Keith wouldn't be alone anymore. Keith would also know he had an older brother who cared
Thus, again he found himself promising the exact same resolution.
"I promise Keith, to be a better older brother."
Managing to escape, even when he managed to fail at being an older brother. Arriving back on Earth, both found themselves pulled into an intergalactic war as paladins of Voltron. As a leader, he never found himself truly alone long enough to discuss anything of importance to Keith. In fact, the time apart felt almost like major steps backward in their relationship.
Time after time, Keith ended up rescuing him, instead of the other way around. Even back then, when Keith came into his life, it had been the younger brother rescuing the older. Shiro also wondered, with his broken mind and body whether he could ever be the older brother he always wanted to Keith. After all, he dragged Keith into an intergalactic war.
And then they met the Blade of Marmora and found out Keith was Galra.
Shiro didn't know how to tell Keith the truth anymore when he didn't himself know the truth anymore. He didn't know if they shared the same mother, but did they really share the same father. Worse, Keith mentioned looking for his family. Specifically, Keith contemplating looking for the woman who abandoned him, and Shiro found himself thinking back on his own pain growing up, but how he never wanted Keith to feel that way.
Worse, he knew Keith was disconnecting.
The Galra, after all, were the ones who hurt Shiro, and Keith was Galra, even though in part. The Galra also destroyed Allura's entire race except for herself and Coran, plus Haggar. The disconnect grew though when there became one paladin to many, but worse, Keith's new position in conflict with Shiro's own, which resulted in Keith stepping down.
More specifically, Shiro knew. He knew Keith to well. Keith always struggled with self-worth and seeing his life as worth anything. His younger brother found some worth in being a member of Voltron, yet he'd lost that. Without self-worth, Keith didn't value his own life.
As such, Shiro should have known.
He should have known Keith would value the success of the mission over his own life. So, the fact Keith nearly threw his life away to save them didn't surprise him, even though it hurt.
They were lucky Lotor came to their rescue in time.
"Never again." Shiro planned to make sure Keith knew his life had value once he woke up. "I promise Keith, to be a better older brother. I promise to let you know how important you really are."