Work Text:
It was a Tuesday night when an Iris message popped in front of Nico. He accepted it, and was surprised to see Percy. He looked terrible. There was a crazed look in his eyes, the type of exhaustion that comes when you haven't slept in days but refuse to relax. He was antsy, shifting weight from one foot to another.
“Nico,” He said meekly “...you know that deal we made a while back” Percy was pacing back and forth quickly now, Nico could see he was in his living room.
“I'm on my way Percy, stay there” Nico appeared out of the shadows in the kitchen. Percy was scrunched up in one of the corners of the living room now, his head between his knees. He kept glancing at the kitchen counter with a look that was both yearning and fear. On the counter sat a switchblade. Nico took all of this in in about three seconds, then he went to Percy and crouched by him.
“Hey,” Nico said softly “what’s going on” Percy’s eyes were glassy, Nico pulled him up to standing and walked him over to the couch. Percy was mindlessly scratching at his wrists, they were a reddish-pink, as if he had been doing this for a while, he had even torn through layers of skin in some spots. His gaze was vacant.
“Percy, where’s your mom? Or Paul?”
“Th-they went on a trip” Percy spoke quietly, “For a week, they left on… Saturday… I think” Percy glanced at the kitchen counter again. “Can, umm…” Percy trailed off.
“Yeah I’ll get it,” Nico replied, “have you eaten anything?”
“Not since, since uhhh… not since they left” Percy’s fearful eyes followed Nico as he walked to the switchblade, a small wave of relief washing over him as Nico pocketed it.
“Okay then, let me make you something”
Percy pulled his legs up on the couch so he was sitting with his legs curled to his chest, he was absentmindedly tracing his SPQR tattoo with his finger. Nico rummaged through the kitchen cupboards until he found some boxed mac n’ cheese. He put some water on to boil and went over to Percy. Nico grabbed a blanket and gently wrapped it around him. Tears started streaming down Percy’s face but he wasn’t making any sound. Nico had never seen Percy cry, but he felt more human this way, not something as untouchable, not a hero, an actual person.
When the pasta was done Nico brought over a bowl. Percy held it in his hands and looked into it, but it was more like he was looking through it. Nico sat next to him. The food grew cold in Percy’s hands. The hands on the clock moved silently.
“Do you want me to call your mom? Or Annabeth?”
“I don’t want to trouble them” Percy shook his head weekly.
“They wouldn’t be bothered, Perce”
“I said no.” Percy’s voice was still quiet, but intense, his eyes were begging.
“Okay but you need to eat” Nico took Percy's fork and put food on it “I’m not feeding you like a baby” Nico forced the fork into the other boy’s hands. Percy ate what was on the fork, Nico reached to get another forkfull, but Percy pulled away, pushing himself farther into the couch.
“Do you mind me asking what was going on, at least when I first got here?” Nico was still speaking soft, almost like a whisper.
“I-I just, the uhh, there was a knife on the counter, and I… it was almost haunting me.” Percy looked up at the counter, where the knife had been sitting. Nico felt it heavy and cold in his pocket. “I picked it up and- and I startled myself, I dropped it back, but no matter where I tried to hide, I could feel it there. It felt too risky to move it. I… I didn’t trust myself… I still don’t.” Percy hid his face.
“It’s okay… it’s gone now, don’t worry” Nico wanted to hug Percy and tell him everything would be alright, that he wouldn’t have to feel like this ever again. But Nico knew he couldn’t make that promise. Percy curled into a ball and fell to his side, Nico got up and cleaned the dishes. Percy fell asleep, for what Nico thought was probably the first time since Saturday. He sat in a chair across from where Percy was on the couch, he fell asleep watching the older boy.
Percy woke up at four the next afternoon. He had only two bites of the food Nico made for him, and never left the couch. He was both fidgety and oddly still. Percy turned the tv on and stared at it. The program playing was a National Geographic series about marine life, which normally would’ve interested Percy, but it looked like he wasn’t hearing anything. His eyes reflected the images, but they were unfocused, almost as if he were blind. The program changed to something about goats. Percy started sobbing. His chest was heaving. He buried his head in between his knees. Nico rushed to turn the tv off. He sat in front of Percy, on the couch.
“Percy what happened?”
“I just let them die,” Percy said between sobs “th-they were counting on me and they died”
“Who died Percy?”
“You know that I was okay right... after mom and Paul left, I was okay at first.” He was still having difficulty breathing
“Percy, you have to tell me what happened, so I can understand, okay?”
“I just, my parents, they, they left on Saturday, and right after they left I got an iris message. Th-this protector called me, he had found a kid, but there was a monster on their tail, they were in the city and needed help. I ran to m-meet them. There were three telekhines, b-by the time I took care of them… a gryphon had come up from behind, I didn’t even see it... When I turned around they were dead... I killed the gryphon but the damage had already been done. I had to leave their bodies there too, I couldn’t get rid of them or bring them back to camp. Who knows what will happen to them now, what silly story the mortals will make up.” He had gotten himself worked up again, and paused for a few seconds before continuing, “I made my way home, but when I got here the apartment was cold, and there was that knife on the counter. That's when I picked it up, I drove myself crazy after that...” Percy looked defeated, “I should have been able to save them…”
“It’s not your fault, you didn’t see.” Nico said
“But people keep dying because of me” Percy cried “And I keep working harder to make sure it never happens, and people keep dying, I should be able to-”
“-Percy, the whole weight of the world doesn’t have to be on your shoulders. Sometimes… you just can’t save everyone. They might die, but it’s not because of you” Percy had started scratching at his wrists again, but Nico grabbed his hands. “Look at me Jackson,” Nico punctuated each word “Everything is not your fault. You may be powerful, but you aren’t all powerful. There is only so much you can do.” Percy leaned forward, resting his head by Nico’s collarbone. Nico still held his hands. Percy slowly stopped crying. He fell asleep leaning on Nico.
Nico forced Percy into the bathroom the next day so he could take a shower. From the splatters of blood and small tears, Nico had determined that Percy hadn't changed clothes since Saturday. This also meant Percy had been binding for five days straight, how Nico hadn’t thought of this before, and how Percy was still breathing, he didn’t know.
Percy stood in the warm room alone, Nico had already tuned the shower on, and had set out a towel and change of clothes, he had made it so Percy couldn’t make up excuses. Percy was thankful but he also hated it. His thoughts wandered back to the little boy he had failed to save. I was so stupid to have not checked for more monsters, he felt guilty, maybe if he wasn’t around the protector would’ve called someone else and they’d still be alive, maybe if I just died someone better would take my place. He saw the steam rest on the mirror. The cabinet, inside is a pair of nail clippers, those are definitely sharp enough. Farther back in his mind he was fighting. This is stupid Jackson, what about Annabeth, you can’t just leave her, you’ve disappeared too many times. But she’d be happier with me gone, she wouldn’t have to worry, now the nail clippers are just right there. Percy saw his arm moving towards the cabinet handle, he had to stop this, he couldn’t hurt anybody else.
“Nico!” He shouted. Nico burst into the bathroom. Percy had pushed himself against the wall farthest from the cabinet and was breathing hard,
“Can you… uhh… can you take the nail clippers out of the bathroom.”
“Sure...” Nico said. In addition he removed everything else that looked sharp. Percy was sitting on the floor now, his head in his hands
“I’m going to leave now so you can shower, is that alright?” Nico asked. Percy stood up and nodded. Nico closed the door behind him. He was relieved that Percy had shouted for him, but maybe this would be a little harder than he had thought. New environments brought new dangers as well as new opportunities, he’d just have to watch Percy more carefully.
Percy stepped out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later wearing new clothes and looking cleaner in general. Nico tossed him a coat.
“Let’s go”
“Go where?” Percy was still talking quietly.
“Come and find out”
Nico had a couple ideas about what to do, but mostly he wanted Percy to put shoes on and get out of the stuffy apartment. They walked down to the Andrew Haswell Green Park and followed the East River until they found a place where the water wasn’t blocked off. Nico took Percy into the water, it wasn’t an ocean, but it was the closest Nico could find. Maybe the water would make Percy feel better, more in control, or more powerful, or really just anything but sad. Percy sat in the water and Nico sat on a bench watching him. He noticed the water creeping up Percy’s clothes, he wasn’t willing himself dry. They sat there for a few hours. Nico was getting cold, which was saying something, and from what he could tell, Percy was still letting himself get wet so he must’ve been freezing.
“Let’s go, there’s one more thing I want to do.” Nico said. Percy got out of the water and they walked up and along 3rd Avenue until Nico spotted what he was looking for: soft serve ice cream.
“You should probably dry off before we go in, it might be a little weird for them to see a soaked teenager in January.” Percy forced the water off his clothes and they stepped in the shop. Nico ordered a chocolate and vanilla twist.
“Are you sure you don’t want something to eat Percy?”
“Yeah, I’m sure” Percy was still quiet, he seemed like a shell of his normal self.
“Okay then” Nico knew Percy liked this type of ice cream, and had hoped that he’d get some too, but Nico had one more idea. Hopefully something Percy would find irresistible. They left the shop.
“Where are you going?” Percy asked, “That's not the way to the apartment.”
“One more stop.” Nico responded, and led Percy farther down the street to a Shake Shack.
“One order of regular fries please.” Nico ordered at the counter. These were Nico’s favorite fries, and he was pretty confident Percy liked them to. When Nico had received the fries they started walking back to Percy’s apartment. Nico dipped the fries in the ice cream. He could see Percy watching him eat out of the corner of his eye. Nico scooped a large portion of ice cream onto a fry and handed it to Percy. Percy put it in his mouth. Score 1 di Angelo Nico thought. He kept handing Percy the ice cream and fry combo, eventually Percy stopped accepting them, but this was still a win, Percy had eaten half an order of fries and ice cream, he was starting to look a bit better, like he could maybe fake a smile. Percy still slept on the couch that night. They got back to the apartment around nine, Nico turned on the tv and they watched the National Geographic channel, Percy looked like he might have been paying attention which was better than last time. Nico made sure to turn the tv off before the goat program came on. Hopefully seeing Grover wouldn’t trigger something in Percy, that would be really bad he thought. Nico fell asleep in the chair again.
The next day was better, Percy woke up at a more regular time, he ate almost a whole bowl of cereal. They walked along the East River again, but this time in the opposite direction. Percy sat in the water again, but he didn’t let himself get wet. For dinner they went to a small taco stand and Percy had two tacos. Not as many as he could eat normally, but better. They walked around in the Manhattan night, light from businesses kept it from being dark, the stars dimly glowing overhead. When they got back to the apartment they watched more National Geographic. Percy still wasn’t talking as much as usual, or joking at all, but he seemed more present, he wasn’t as stuck in his head. He fell asleep in front of the tv, but when Nico noticed he woke Percy up and had him go to his own room. Nico was nervous about this, he couldn’t watch Percy in the same way, but he knew it was better for Percy to get back to how things were normally. Nico settled for sleeping on the floor by Percy’s bed.
By Saturday Nico was convinced that Percy was not only getting better, but also that he could pass as normal in front of his parents. They woke up and had breakfast and then went back to the river. Percy didn’t sit in it glumly this time, he kept himself dry and even did a few small tricks with the water. Nico decided that they should get ice cream and fries again. Percy still refused to get his own ice cream or fries but he basically ate all of Nico’s, which was fine by him, he had gotten them for Percy anyway, even if Percy didn’t know it. He was also talking less quietly, closer to his normal volume. By the time they got back to the apartment the sun was setting.
Nico and Percy were playing video games when Sally and Paul arrived. Nico had thought about throwing the match, but he had a feeling Percy would have known, so he won. He kind of surprised himself by winning though, he hadn’t had much experience playing video games since he’d been born over seventy years ago. They heard the lock click.
“Nico!” Exclaimed Sally, “What a surprise! Are you staying for dinner?” Nico glanced at Percy, who nodded his head slightly.
“Actually I was wondering if I could spend the night? Only one night though.”
“Of course Nico, you can stay as long as you want. How do you boys feel about spaghetti for dinner?” “That sounds great mom” Percy managed to sound almost cheerful. He was happy to see his parents, he just didn’t want to worry them.
“Okay well you two can go back to what you’re doing, let us unpack and then we’ll have dinner”
Percy managed to eat over half of his spaghetti. He actually laughed at some of Paul’s jokes over dinner. By the time his parents went to bed, Percy had given them a real smile. When his parents left the room he deflated a little but he still looked better. Nico still slept on the floor of Percy’s room instead of the couch Sally had set up for him, just in case.
Sally made blue pancakes for breakfast, Percy ate everything she put on his plate, and Nico decided it was time to leave. Sally and Paul said goodbye, and Nico left the apartment. Percy caught him in the hallway and hugged him.
“Thank you so much, I don’t know what would’ve happened without you.” Percy whispered in Nico’s ear.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Nico checked.
“I’m sure.”
“Call if you need me again”
“Call if you need me” Nico stepped out of the apartment complex into the chilly Sunday morning. Things would be alright.