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San
The sky was blue. Harsh and bright. Some clouds wandering through. White and fluffy. Too far and too few to be any sort of comfort.
San was sick.
Literally and figuratively.
The old pickup truck bounced and danced at every little bump of the road. The scenery was rolling backward, trees and fields and buildings. And a whole lot of nothing in between.
Nausea threatened to overcome him.
Lolling his head back and looking up wasn't any better.
He was sick.
Sick of all of this. Of the old and the new. Of himself. Of being on the back of this car taking him away from everything he knew. Everyone he loved. Sick of being a failure.
Of being himself.
The truck stopped. He didn't know why. Maybe a red light. A crossroad. A sign.
That was not the first time. Nor would it be the last.
But it was the one.
San jumped.
Yunho
I'm sick Yunho.
Sick of my life.
Sick of myself.
I'm srry
sorry
i should have told you we were moving
i'm a coward
i hate my life
i am sick of being myself
i'm a failure
i don't want to go
I'm so sick of it all
The messages were going on and on and on. And Yunho swore he'll never shut down his phone at night again. Ever.
He was running. His phone tightly held in his hand.
He tried to message back, tried to call. Nothing.
His lungs were burning and his heart was a rock inside his chest.
San! Why didn't you tell me! Don't go please!
His breath was heaving when he stopped in front of one particular building. Everything was normal. Everything was wrong.
There was no truck in the parking lot. No people shouting at each other and passing boxes or pieces of furniture.
He swallows a bitter taste in his mouth and moved closer. He didn't came often, San preferred coming to his place. Hell, he practically lived there.
San!
Yunho swept the tears threatening his eyes. There were no name left on one of the door plates.
He was really gone. Just like that.
And with a series of very concerning texts.
I swear if you do anything stupid I will kill you myself!
San
His phone was dead. He didn't realized it before trying to check his GPS. Didn't know when it died either.
He was lost.
He didn't really look at the road going backward. And the sky wasn't telling him anything. The sky was always the same. More gray same blue now. More still.
They were cars passing by but he was to scared to hitchhike. He was the only person walking.
Where was he?
He was tired. And hungry.
Stupid.
He jumped off of the car without thinking. All of his belongings were in there.
But he didn't want this life anymore.
If he followed the road he will eventually arrive somewhere.
"That's a plan!"
Anywhere would be good.
New life. New choices. New dreams. He just needed his friends.
Seonghwa
He was looking everywhere.
But she was gone.
All he had left was this bracelet and the memory of her. Her voice, her smile, her scent.
Was it even really a memory?
He wasn't even sure she was a real person.
When he closed his eyes and thought about her he was hearing a multitude of voices. Chanting, screaming, singing.
It was unnerving.
The rain didn't stop him. He had an umbrella and nothing better to do except running in circles in his tiny apartment.
He knew he wouldn't find her like this. But he had to try. He couldn't sit still. Something was calling him out.
Pat. Pat. Pat.
The rhythm of the drops on his umbrella was soothing.
It was getting darker, the sun hiding lower and lower behind the clouds.
Ten more minutes. Then he will go home.
San
"Hey?"
Someone was crouching in front of him. An umbrella casting a darker shadow above the person's head and shielding them both from the drizzling water.
"Are you okay?"
San ran a hand across his face to wipe off the rain and the tears. Nodded his head.
"Yeah.
- Really?" The young man had a deep voice and a concerned frown. "You don't seem okay."
Sometime between discovering the passing of his phone’s battery and the somewhat optimistic idea of going somewhere, anywhere, the rain had begun. His hoody had rapidly soaked up and he was shivering for what seemed like forever. He had dropped with his back to some kind of fence to catch his breath. Rest a little. He didn't even know anymore.
"I'm tired." He said without realizing his voice had passed the barrier of his thoughts. "I'm not okay. I don't want this life anymore. I want my friends. I want to dream again. I want to be a better myself. I'm tired of being me." Silence loomed over them for a few seconds. San buried his head in his knees, his voice a cracking whisper. "I don't know where I am and my phone is dead."
That last part elicited a response from the stranger. Something between a soft laugh and a sigh.
"Okay, that I can work with. Come on, let's get you out of the rain first."
San raised his head to look at the hand extended in his direction. And from there to the strange smile displayed on the beautiful face of his savior. A somewhat painful smile. Familiar in a distant way.
San tilted his head.
"Do I know you ?"
His hand was taking the other's before he could reply. A shiver seemed to pass through the contact. But maybe it was just because San's fingers were so cold.
"I don't think..." The frown had returned, the expression curious and a little lost. "I don't know."
Yunho
He should never have called Wooyoung.
But he was close to San. Very close. Since Wooyoung had joined their group they were drawn to each other like magnets. Or soulmates.
Evil soulmates.
Well now Yunho had a very worried Wooyoung in his apartment and still nothing coming from San.
Mingi had come too, after his last shift. Tired and drained as always. But so strong. His presence soothed Yunho. Somehow made some very bad images get away from his head.
He saw Wooyoung scratching his wrist absentmindedly from the corner of his eye. He felt bad for involving him. For bringing back painful memories.
I want to stay with you guys. I feel we can do anything if together!
Well he didn’t stay that optimistic for very long but he was still there.
San wasn’t.
Please San. Please...
The sound of the line ringing at the other end of his hundredth call took him by surprise. It had been silenced since the morning.
He made round eyes at Mingi, sitting in front of him on his bed, and hang up on the answering machine for what felt like the thousand time.
“It’s back on!”
Mingi gave him a tentative smile and Yunho tried again, hopeful despite himself.
Pick up! Pick up! Pick...
Click.
“San?! Where have you been?! What happened?! Why...
- Hum... Hello?”
Hope immediately crashed in Yunho’s chest. Dreadful tears threatened to fall again. This wasn’t San.
Seonghwa
He heard the heavy silence at the other end of the line. Understood it.
"He's okay!" Seongwha specified quickly. "San... is okay." So his name was San. He didn't even ask. He thought it was really fitting him, somehow. "He's asleep. On my couch.
- Ho... Ho that's great! Woho..."
Seonghwa smiled.
"What? Yunho what happened?
- This guy is saying San is sleeping on his couch.
- San is what where?
- What guy? Who is he?
- Hu... I don't... yeah good points." The voice became clear again as the conversation was coming back to him. "I m happy to hear from San but who are you and why do you answer his phone?"
The questions were indeed fair.
"It was raining and he was lost. He said his phone was dead. So I took him home, lend him dry clothes and plugged the phone. Last thing I know San was fast asleep. He didn't even eat..." Seonghwa shook his head with a disapproving scowl. "Then the phone ring. I saw all your messages and missed calls on the screen. Seems important. Even if your ID read 'Puppy' with a golden retriever as the picture.
- I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna hug him to death then kill him.
- Yeah take you turn..." The voice in the background seemed more pissed than the guy on the line.
"Could you wake him up? I wanna talk to him..."
Seonghwa turned to look at his guest. He seemed smaller and younger, his still wet hair obscuring most of his face. His mouth was open, letting out a somewhat shallow breath and the visible part of his prominent cheekbones was a little too red for Seongwha's liking.
"No killing on my watch. And I rather not wake him, I think he's sick.
- Please don't use this word. I've seen it too many times today..."
The strange statement was drowned by the two bystanders.
"What?! What does he mean sick?!
- Take him to a hospital!"
Seonghwa assumed he was on speaker and the injunction was addressed to him.
"He seems to have a little bit of a fever. Doesn't look dangerous. And I don't have a car.
- Okay where are you? We're coming!
- Hu...
- Wooyoung! You wanted to study...
- San's more important!
- Yeah!
- Mingi?! Don't you have an early shift tomorrow?
- I'll be back on time."
Seonghwa blinked a few time.
"I'll... text you the address. Shall I order some chicken...?
- Yes!"
The chorus of voices rang loud in his not so empty apartment.
San
He was in a large room. Lots of projectors hanged from the ceiling, illuminating everything in an harsh white light.
It was hot under them. Really hot.
San wiped the sweat from his brows and looked around him.
Mirrors.
He was surrounded by mirrors.
Each one taller and wider than himself. Their rectangular frames carved with symbols. He recognized a compass, a spyglass, a flower with large petals, an hourglass and lots of other meaningless and apparently random things.
And in the mirrors, he was seeing himself.
Different versions of himself.
A striking white strand of hair and a faraway look in his eyes.
A black hat and a very fierce and scary expression.
He was dancing in one of them. Confident and strong. Was it really him?
Green hair.
Red and black stripes.
Blond discoloration.
He turned slowly on himself. Dizzy.
Shadows were beginning to appear behind all of his reflexions.
Five? No seven. Seven of them.
More and more distinct but still covered by darkness where he was in the light.
He squinted his eyes.
He was almost positive that three of them were his friends. The tall ones Yunho and Mingi. And he would recognized Wooyoung everywhere!
Another one was his new acquaintance. He didn't even know his name. But he knew it was him.
Well, dreams had a tendency to work like that...
"Not a dream."
San jumped a few feet back with an undignified cry.
A guy was half sitting on a couch, a table in front of him covered with sheets of paper, pencils and various bottles of... nail polish?
He had startlingly blue hair.
He was playing with an hourglass who wasn’t there a few seconds ago.
Again: dreams.
"No. I don’t think it’s a dream."
San blinked.
"Ho. Okay?"
The guy poked his hourglass. Who was running backward. Just like the road and the sky.
"I think we’re connected. You, me, and the other six."
San looked at the mirrors. And yeah. He was there. Blue haired guy. Even if his hair wasn't blue in the majority of the images. ... Was that a mullet?
"Hongjoong." San raised an eyebrow. "My name. Hongjoong.
- Ho. San.
- Yeah, I know. »
Silence fell between them.
The scenes were still playing on the mirrors.
"What are all of those?
- Other dimensions. Parallel universes.
- Shall we go there?
- I think so. But we have to find the others.
- I know some of them.
- Really?!"
Hongjoong was looking at him with sparkling eyes. San nodded. Pointed at one of the nearest mirrors.
"Yunho. Mingi. Wooyoung. And... I don’t know his name but I met him under the rain. I think I’m still wet." He lifted his eyes to look at the bangs falling on them. "In reality I mean. The reality were I come from?"
He had trouble thinking. The room around him was slowly dissolving, the mirrors blending into one another.
"We have to meet."
San tried to nod but the room spun around him.
"San?!"
He tried to reach for support but nothing was tangible around him. A little laugh escaped his lips.
"I really think it's a dream you know.
- San!
- Do you smell chicken too?
- Remember: Hongjoong! Kim Hongjoong! Look me up! Meet me in..."
The smell was all around him now. His mouth watered and his stomach growled angrily.
"Hey. I think he's waking up.
- At least a part of him is.
- Well, his brain was never his strong suit."
San rubbed his eyes. His arm was heavy and sluggish.
"You talking about me? Not nice." He whined while consciousness slowly sipped through.
He was lying on something comfortable and soft. Voices filled the space. Familiar and reassuring. He wasn't in the strange place with the strange guy anymore. These were... his friends.
"Oh my God!" He blinked his eyes open and sat up quickly at the same time. The not so familiar place spun around him just like the one with all the mirrors.
He was about to fall back down on the heavy cushions when a body crashed against his own, keeping him upright. Two strong arms closed around his chest and a loud scream echoed just above his head.
"San! You stupid punk! You scared us to death and the first thing you do is cry because we're not nice to you?!"
San smiled into the neck where is face was suddenly buried. Wooyoung.
"I missed you.
- Well I didn't! And I'm gonna kill you now.
- Noooo!" San faked wept. "Not before I could eat some delicious smelling chicken!
- He's really okay.
- Yeah, definitely no hospital needed.
- Told you he was not in any danger. Now I'm warning you: the first one who spilled chicken or coke anywhere is gonna be."
Yunho
"You did what ?!
- I jumped... but the pick-up had stopped, I already told you!
- You jumped off of a car in the middle of traffic.
- It was the middle of nowhere! And it had stopped!
- Don't talk to me anymore.
- Wooyooouunnng!"
Yunho smiled around his mouthful of fried chicken. San was okay. His eyes were a little too sparkling and his face a little redder than normal but he was okay. And Wooyoung was doing the scolding for him, which he appreciated. Personally he just wanted to hug him an never let go.
Which prompted a question in his head.
"What are you going to do now ?"
Okay. Even his questions were asked for him. He turned to Seonghwa (Great guy. Handsome. Bought chicken for everyone.) who was directing his very piercing gaze San's way.
San stopped wrestling with Wooyoung to get back a particularly juicy bit of chicken.
"We have to find blue haired guy, of course.
- Who?
- What 'we'?
- Of course..."
San licked his lips and took what Yunho called his Very Serious Face. The one that made him look older and wiser and a little intimidating.
"Kim Hongjoong. I saw him in the not-quite-a-dream. We were all there. Across the parallel universes."
The sound of a chair scratching the floor interrupted him.
"Okay. hospital. Now."
Wooyoung seemed very serious too but San just shook his head.
"It's true. And you know it, right? You all know it. We are meant to be."
Silence fell. Part heavy and part understanding.
Yeah. Yunho felt it. The first time he saw Seonghwa. Same vibes as all the others. His oldest friend San. Almost as old Mingi. The relatively new Wooyoung. They were... something.
San was watching them turn by turn with his fox like eyes.
"We have to stick together. We have to find him and the other two. We have to dream again."
San
Everything was upside down and going backward.
But everything was exactly as it supposed to be.
San sighed before snuggling closer to Wooyoung, fast asleep on the couch, his arms surrounding him in a protective and still angry embrace.
They all agreed.
Even Mingi.
They all wanted another life. Another chance.
Another dream.
They will find Hongjoong. And he will show them.
Somehow.
This was right.
San closed his eyes.
For the first time in an eternity he wasn't afraid of what tomorrow will bring.