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— [♡] ; You were the soundtrack of my summer and all the years before that, but that wasn’t enough for you to say goodbye. I hope that if the world was ending, you’d find me again. But I no longer hold onto what once tied us together.
Wonwoo has never made a habit of spending nights (or rather, early mornings) somewhere he doesn’t know, let alone somewhere he can’t remember how he got there in the first place. Today is a day that goes against his better judgement (evidently), an exception to the rule.
He has never made a habit out of parties, or any sort of social occasion for that matter, yet when Junhui and Soonyoung team up to drag him somewhere, never normally on the island and instead on the mainland, Wonwoo and his stubbornness fail him.
All he knows is that now, he is moderately hungover, he’s in a flat on the other side of town (luckily on the mainland, but unfortunately not five minutes away from his university building) and he has somewhere around the twenty minute mark to make it to his class, thirty if his professor decides to stop by the coffee shop nearby and flirt with the barista that’s rumoured to actually be their partner– a mystery that has yet to be solved, even if he is three years into his degree.
Wonwoo manages to sort through the clothes that are left scattered across the floor and finds what he thinks are his own, along with his phone, out of battery of course, tossed to the side. When he trips over a belt and it clatters against the wooden floor, the person that Wonwoo can’t remember the name of (or recognise their sleeping face and he’s not about to look for any other identifying marks) turns over in the bed and Wonwoo holds his breath for a few moments, praying that he won’t wake up.
He doesn’t. Thank fuck .
Wonwoo says a quick prayer to a god he doesn’t know if he believes in, immediately falling into muttering expletives under his breath as he pulls his watch on and notices the time.
“Shit,” Wonwoo hisses to himself. “I’m so fucking late.”
“‘Twas nice to meet you, officially, Wonwoo. Now please leave, I can feel you starting to panic from here,” Nameless mutters from where his head is buried into his pillow, “Your belt is by the door, your jacket is in the living room. The train station is just across the road, you’ll be fine. Not on time, but fine. I would walk you out but, maybe , next time, or something .”
Wonwoo knows there will be no next time, if he had any sense last night, Wonwoo wouldn’t have given a stranger, let alone a one night stand, his number, and if he has, Wonwoo isn’t worried about blocking the poor guy as the result of Wonwoo’s own drunken state.
Wonwoo mutters multiple thank you and goodbye’s as he rushes out the door, running his hands through his hair so that it doesn’t immediately look like he didn’t spend the night alone and giving him at least until twenty minutes into his class until Nayeon starts asking him questions and starts playing guess who with Soonyoung over messages under the tables.
*·˚ ༘♡
Wonwoo knows it’s not going to be a good day with the way his morning has started, and he’s at least half right already. He makes it to class on time, and Junhui’s waiting outside the doors to hand him his glasses and laptop from his flat with a bonus overly smug grin as he eyes Wonwoo’s appearance, having been chuckling to himself since he received a frantic phone call from Wonwoo on the train an hour earlier, and Nayeon asks him less than fifteen questions because Doyoung walks in thirty minutes late with a blatant hickey on his neck and all attention is quickly moved from Wonwoo to whoever Doyoung’s mystery partner is for the fourth time in the last two weeks.
It was all going so well, his classes were finished, he’d picked up the books he needed from the library to take home with him over the weekend. It was so good. And that was how Wonwoo should’ve known he had jinxed it.
Because Junhui is waiting outside the door of his flat when Wonwoo gets home.
So close, and yet so far.
“Hey Wonu, how was your day?” Junhui asks, but it’s not as simple as that. His eyes look softer than normal, there’s no remnants of the smugness that were ever-present earlier in the day and Wonwoo feels his heart drop.
“Well, I was trying to get into my flat but someone is sitting on my doorstep looking mopey and frankly, I think I can feel my blood pressure rising by the second.” Wonwoo tilts his head to the side, trying to figure out what the expression on Junhui’s face is trying to portray. Wonwoo doesn’t like it. “Why?”
Junhui pulls himself up from the floor, looking everywhere but Wonwoo before his eyes finally settle on him. He blinks for what is noticeably too long and Wonwoo decides he really doesn’t like this. It throws him off, he can feel his anxiety levels rising as the seconds tick by.
“We need to talk,” he says before he pulls the keys out of Wonwoo’s hand and opens the door for them both, taking Wonwoo’s wrist and pulling him to sit on the sofa, side by side.
Wonwoo looks at Junhui for a moment, frowning when he notices there’s something else off, other than the expression Wonwoo isn’t familiar with. “Where’d you end up last night, or should I say who did you end up with?”
Junhui splutters, choking on air as he tries to process Wonwoo’s words.
“Nowhere.” He lies. “I- I went home by myself, wasn’t feeling great.”
“So much so that you couldn’t change your clothes from last night either, or?”
“Fuck.” Junhui grimaces, letting out a sigh into his hands. “Minghao’s. But nothing happened- I swear. We fell asleep while just talking after I walked him home and… Yeah, nothing.”
Wonwoo smiles a little, he already had his suspicions and he’s pleased to confirm them after the years of back and forth that Jun and Minghao have gone through (and put all of their friendship group through). “So, are you going to tell me why you’re here, looking like you’re going to tell me you killed my non-existent cat? You literally used your spare key this morning, why are you waiting at my door?”
Junhui’s expression falls back into the one Wonwoo, now, decidedly hates. Junhui freezes up when he needs to process how to say something, how to say the words with more conscious thought than an everyday sentence. Junhui freezes now and Wonwoo starts to fidget with the nerves.
“Well?” Wonwoo urges with an arched eyebrow.
“Wonu, it’s- Wonwoo , Mingyu is back.”
Wonwoo’s hand falls from Junhui’s grip, his knee knocks into the coffee table when it starts to bounce with much more force than it had been doing, the noise making the two of them wince.
Wonwoo breathes in, and again. He counts to ten a few times, he twirls the ring on his finger and twists the necklace that hangs heavy around his neck, he doesn’t remember it being this heavy beforehand.
“Sorry, please may you repeat that?”
Junhui grimaces. As if it pains him to say the words again. “Mingyu is back. He’ll be there not long after we get off the train in the morning. Mingyu is coming back to the island.”
The end of Spring is here, Wonwoo thinks to himself. Mingyu’s hands enclose his as they brave the last of the Spring winds seated on the sand. A ragged blanket is wrapped around their shoulders, pulling them closer together. It feels normal, familiar.
It reminds Wonwoo of salty kisses and laughter with foreheads pressed together, teasing smirks and smiling into one another's mouths.
The start of a Summer spent entangled in each other's arms more often than not, the last of Wonwoo’s favourite memories.
They were happy memories. Now, he’s not so sure.
“Right. Well, his parents are still there. It’s not surprising. Did Minghao tell you?” Wonwoo asks.
His voice is almost convincing, it’s steady, enough to go unnoticed by anyone who isn’t one of the four people who can see right through him. He knows his sentences are short, an attempt to stop his voice breaking too much in between each word.
“Uh, no. He messaged me. Mingyu did. Told me he’d be there, told me not to freak out, give a few people a heads up and all that.” Junhui takes one of Wonwoo’s hands in his. “I tried to call but it didn’t go through so I know you didn’t get my messages either, I thought your phone would be dead anyway.”
“Oh,” Wonwoo breathes out. “Well, he had to come back at some point I guess. It’s good. Good for him. Great. Fantastic.”
“Wonu.”
“I’m fine,” Wonwoo says with as much promise to his tone as he can muster. “I’m really okay, Jun, I knew this was coming.”
“Wonwoo, we can-“
“Don’t worry about it. I’m really okay, I mean it. It’s been what, two years? Three? I’m just a little surprised but I’m totally a-okay. You don’t need to worry.”
Wonwoo knows Junhui isn’t convinced, but it’s Junhui and he knows Wonwoo better than most. Junhui in particular has always had a special talent for seeing right through Wonwoo’s stubbornness and bullshit. Soonyoung takes second place to Junhui, only because Wonwoo has known Soonyoung for far too long that it makes it easy for them to walk in circles around each other, avoiding questions and hiding from troubling exes and the mess of their teen years.
Jun goes to say something but Wonwoo decides he doesn’t want to talk about this anymore.
“So, we should get off the train around three, then we’ll arrive on the island around four. I was thinking that we shouldn’t go to Jeonghan’s party sober- half wasted seems much more bearable.”
Junhui nods. It’s enough for now.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Junhui asks, once more for good measure or whatever.
Part of Wonwoo wants to say no.
Instead, he smiles. “I’m fine, Jun.”
No. No he’s not fine and the part of him that wanted to say no, now screams at him.
The thing is, they arrive on the island right on time, Minghao successfully doesn’t chuck his buckets whilst on the ferry from the mainland (cheering when he realises he has saved himself from taking first place on the chunder chart), Junhui eats his weight in strawberry laces from the ‘3 for 2’ section in the Tesco by the port, Soonyoung changes his outfit three times, trying to find something more ’parent friendly’ before giving in and going with just ‘Soonyoung’ and it feels normal, just like any other time they decide to visit home again. Almost .
Most people wouldn’t notice, but Wonwoo sees it in the way the clouds gather in the distance, in the way the waves swirl slightly as he leans over the edge of the ferry. Something isn’t right, he knows it, nature knows it. There’s a storm brewing– in more ways than one.
It’s the end of Spring and Wonwoo knows it all too well.
The island never changes much, and it hasn’t since Wonwoo’s very first memories, the ones of a toddler-aged Wonwoo running through the town with his mum chasing after him, smiling at neighbours and school friends as they weave in and out of the alleys through all of the little stores.
The island has always been small, but it feels infinitely smaller knowing that soon enough, Mingyu will stand on the same land once again, no channels to cross or a continent to separate the two of them. After somewhere around the two year mark of pushing Mingyu as far out of his mind as humanly possible, and knowing that there has been hundreds of miles of physical distance between them.
The idea that Mingyu is within reach once again after so long, tugs on his heartstrings and he doesn’t enjoy the feeling. It’s one he’s never quite been able to get used to.
Wonwoo has done his very best to not think about Mingyu.
He replaced memories of kicking his feet through the sand at sunset with Mingyu, to ones without Mingyu in them. He doesn’t long for the way the Kim’s would greet him like a real member of the family whenever he stops by the post office. No. He doesn’t think of life involving Mingyu anymore.
Or, at least, he tries. And then he tries again.
(Unless it’s a Saturday night and Wonwoo has the flat to himself and a bottle of £3.99 white wine from Aldi to hand).
The fact of the matter is, Mingyu is back. And Wonwoo was (and is) a fool to have so much as entertained the idea that he wouldn’t have to worry about seeing Mingyu again. The island was a home to Mingyu once too, even if it’s not anymore.
For some, the island is always home. Whilst Wonwoo finishes his years at university, he still can’t shake the habit of calling his parents’ house, home , and the flat he shares with his best friends is solely referred to as ‘the flat’. For others, things change, they find new homes, and Wonwoo is okay with that. (Maybe. Theoretically ).
Wonwoo first met Mingyu when he was six and Mingyu was five- or at least that’s what he tells Wonwoo with a toothy grin and his hand held out to show Wonwoo that he is ‘this many’ years old. They become friends quickly when the school year is in full swing and they see each other everyday after school at Mrs Yoon’s. Mrs Yoon started babysitting most of the children on the island when Jeonghan had been born, looking after them whilst their parents headed back from the mainland after school, a favourite for most of their families because of the ease with bilingual children.
Wonwoo heard about Mingyu before they met. Mingyu was well known for being everyone’s favourite worker in the post office that the Kim’s owned. They had owned it for generations and Mingyu loved spending his weekends down in the shop with his parents ever since he was a toddler. His parents have always appreciated the extra hands around, even if Mingyu was mainly there for elderly ladies to coo over so that they wouldn’t complain about how the price of stamps had gone up again or the lack of butter candies on the sweet rack. Even as Mingyu got older, not much changed, even when he started working behind the counter.
Six year old Wonwoo had first heard of Mingyu through Eunji, another frequent member of Mrs Yoon’s after school club, and a girl with a hopeless crush on Mingyu since the day she’d moved to the island, a crush that Wonwoo had to hear about endlessly when Eunji didn’t take the hint that Wonwoo wasn’t interested.
Only her crush didn’t turn out to be so hopeless.
As quickly as Mingyu and Wonwoo had become friends, the years seem to pass just as fast and they fall into step with one another seamlessly.
Mingyu and Eunji start dating when they reach secondary school. Wonwoo, who’s already been there for a year when the younger two move up from primary school, tries to ignore the way Eunji seems to give Wonwoo unusual looks whenever Mingyu pays more attention to him than he is to his girlfriend. Wonwoo doesn’t hold it against Eunji, but he can’t say he ever became used to it either.
They date until the end of year nine, by which Mingyu has broken the news that he will no longer be attending school on the island with the rest of them and instead his parents are sending him to some boarding school on the mainland where he can take extra classes to help him with his exams. It all sounds very exciting, at least until they realise that Mingyu will only be coming home for the summer holidays, but they all promise that the time will go so quickly that they’ll barely even notice.
It’s on the last day of term when they’re walking home together, that Wonwoo notices something is wrong. Mingyu had been quiet the entire way and didn’t make his usual comment about missing going to Mrs Yoon’s, even just for the freshly baked biscuits. When Mingyu doesn’t walk up his driveway and instead follows Wonwoo the three houses down and shuts the gate behind him, Wonwoo knows Mingyu will tell him what’s wrong when he’s ready. It’s not like the usual reasons for going to Wonwoo’s unannounced, Wonwoo knows that Mingyu doesn’t have a last minute piece of literature homework he needs help with because it’s summer and Mingyu will be having reduced english lessons at his new school.
Instead Wonwoo does what he knows best. He doesn’t say anything and instead let’s Mingyu follow him through his house and as he lays on the bed, before he can so much as organise the words in his head to ask Mingyu if he’s okay, Mingyu buries his face into Wonwoo’s chest, and so Wonwoo does what he knows best- and runs his fingers through Mingyu’s hair and let’s Mingyu inevitably get snot all over his school shirt, letting him get out whatever he needs to.
It’s more than an hour later when Mingyu finally moves, which Wonwoo is silently thankful for because his leg has been going dead for the last ten minutes but he didn’t want to shift in case Mingyu had fallen asleep.
“People are sucky,” a fourteen year old Mingyu whines, looking up at Wonwoo with tear stained cheeks and his bottom lip jutted out.
“Yes they are,” Wonwoo says with a soft smile of reassurance. “Who do I need to get Seungcheol to fight?”
“Eunji and I broke up.”
“Oh.” Wonwoo can’t help himself, “Why?”
“She said we weren’t working anymore and that it won’t work while I’m on the mainland and that-” Mingyu hiccups and takes a breath which only worries Wonwoo. “And that I don’t love her like I should.”
Oh. Wonwoo doesn’t know why Mingyu and Eunji no longer being together takes a weight off of his shoulders, nor does he want to. Instead he runs his fingers through Mingyu’s hair again, giving him another small smile before suggesting they take a walk across the seafront.
It’s the last time they talk about Eunji, and relationships in general for a few years, something Wonwoo didn’t understand why he was so grateful for.
In year twelve, a sixteen going on seventeen year old Mingyu, changes that. He discovers more and more of what the mainland has to offer for a kid that’s no longer seen as one, and instead of weekends spent catching up on homework and grainy facetime calls with friends back on the island, Mingyu attends parties, parties with alcohol and lots of people. People who kiss him and people who he kisses back. People that aren’t his friends on the island. People that Wonwoo doesn’t want to think about. People that Wonwoo can’t think about because he’s trying to make it to his graduation, working towards his last exam as the end of spring turns into summer and he tries not to think about Mingyu coming home.
Only it isn’t really home to Mingyu anymore.
Wonwoo knows the island won’t be home to the same people forever, the island only has so much to offer and people chase the adrenaline rush that the city, or even just towns, have to offer. Wonwoo has always loved the island, and it’s not something he thinks he’ll ever stop loving but one day, even he will outgrow it at some point, choosing to live in a city on the mainland and call that home instead, one day, maybe. Theoretically. Mingyu outgrew the island earlier than most.
Mingyu leaves. It’s not a surprise. It still takes Wonwoo a moment to process.
He leaves in the early hours of the morning the following year, thinking that Wonwoo will join him up in London in the next few weeks. He doesn’t wake Wonwoo, and he leaves without saying goodbye to catch the first ferry to the mainland. To start a new life, to start over- without Wonwoo.
When Wonwoo wakes up, the necklace Mingyu gifted him in celebration of his eighteenth birthday, hangs heavy around his neck. It’s a fond memory, one that happened before they got hopelessly drunk and before Wonwoo had lost all memories of things that took place after ten p.m., but Mingyu had slid the box to him as they watched the sunset, sat on the rooftop, a habit they’d formed as kids, with a soft happy birthday hyung before their friends arrived.
Summer meant the end of spring. Summer meant the start of a new school year approached, but also that one had ended. Summer meant Mingyu. And Mingyu, well Wonwoo has never been sure of what Mingyu meant, and he still doesn’t know now.
*·˚ ༘♡
It doesn’t take so much as a day for the island to hear that Mingyu is back. Seungwoo and Seungsik down by the boardwalk are the first to ask him to his face at least if he and Mingyu will be spending time together again and Wonwoo promises he’ll let them know, and Seungwoo reminds him to dig out the surfboard that’s tucked in the storage space of Wonwoo’s old place so that Mingyu stops coming to him to rent his best board at sunrise, and Seungsik makes Wonwoo promise to stop by the stand again soon so that he can get him to help Seubin with something. Wonwoo agrees hastily, mainly so he can make his escape as quickly as possible and seek refuge in the seafront cafe with Seungcheol and Soonyoung.
It’s horrible, torture in the form of social interaction, and Wonwoo hates every second of it, even if they mean well.
Since Mingyu had left, most people seemed to assume that the two of them stayed in touch.
Mingyu and Wonwoo had knowingly been best friends for a long time and it was rare to see one without the other whenever Mingyu returned for the Summers. So much has been left unsaid about what happened between the two of them, and Wonwoo has preferred to play along than bring up all of the unwanted feelings that hang heavy in the air around him, but with each passing day and the distance between them shortening, it gets more and more difficult to hide that the highschool sweethearts, weren’t such sweethearts after all.
“Ah, look what the cat dragged in!” Soonyoung bellows throughout the empty space, despite Wonwoo being the only person insane enough to enter through the front door before opening hours- Jeonghan’s wrath is not something anyone wants to come face to face with.
“ Huh , Junhui’s here?” Comes Minghao’s voice from the kitchen door and Wonwoo scoffs.
“Good morning to you too, Minghao.”
“Oh, Wonwoo, my bad. I thought- you know, since- I’m just gonna, go. Yeah.”
“Well that was painful to watch.” Jeonghan says as he pulls Wonwoo into a hug. “Are you staying down here or are you coming up to entertain Seungcheollie with your life crisis?”
“Up please, I can feel Minghao frantically texting Jun through the walls down here.”
“Take your time Jeonghan, I’ll open up, no one comes in this early on a Tuesday anyway.” Soonyoung waves the two of them off before they can so much as think about refusing and Wonwoo watches as Jeonghan simply nods, a non-verbal agreement shared between Soonyoung and Jeonghan.
Wonwoo follows Jeonghan up the creaky side stairs and into the flat that sits above the cafe. Wonwoo smiles as soon as they reach the top, the light seeps through the large windows, giving a beautiful view of the early morning haze stretching across the sky, and if Wonwoo looks close enough, he can see a hint of the mainland in the distance.
“Shua, Cheol, we’ve got a wild Wonu here!” Jeonghan shouts and Wonwoo winces at the way it echoes throughout the flat.
Wonwoo likes to visit them at the cafe, even if he doesn’t do it nearly enough, but it’s perfect for when he needs advice. The three of them work well together, Seungcheol tells him what he needs to hear, Jeonghan offers hugs and doesn’t put up with Wonwoo’s bullshit and Joshua has a habit of stress baking- not that anyone would say no to any of Joshua’s baking anyway but it’s a nice bonus for when he does stop by.
Seungcheol appears from one of the other rooms and leads Wonwoo out to the balcony, taking a seat before asking, “Wonwoo, what can we do for you?”
Seungcheol, even if he forgets to sugarcoat things sometimes, is wholly empathetic, no matter what topic Wonwoo brings to him, and is always happy to be Wonwoo’s number one life advice giver– a term coined for him by Jeonghan during one year thirteen, university application stress, drinking session.
“Mingyu’s here.”
“Yep,” Seungcheol says, popping the ‘p’ like Wonwoo’s said the most basic thing, which he arguably has. He looks at Wonwoo with an eyebrow raised, waiting for Wonwoo to go on.
“Mingyu’s been back for a week and I haven’t directly bumped into him yet but also, we haven’t spoken in two years and not since he left me alone in his bed the morning after the night we slept together.”
“ Oh .” Seungcheol looks taken aback for a moment, and he’s not surprised because Wonwoo hasn’t told anyone that he and Mingyu slept together that night. And he doubts that Mingyu has done so either, because Wonwoo isn’t the only one that Mingyu hasn’t seen in two years. Pretty much the only person that Mingyu’s seen who still lives on the island is Minghao, and they only meet on the mainland a few times a year, the first time after Mingyu moved was months later– months into the radio silence between Wonwoo and Mingyu.
“Yeah, oh .” Wonwoo answers dumbly, before laughing and it’s only a few breaths before Seungcheol starts laughing too.
“I know we all said that the two of you were basically dating but I didn’t- I never thought you would have actually gotten there, you know?”
“I guess we didn’t. We kissed here and there before, we slept together, he said his ferry was early in the morning so we’d talk about it when he settled in on the mainland and then we never did. We haven’t spoken since and I’ve spent two years trying to forget he exists.”
“Trying to forget he exists because you aren’t in love with him, or trying to forget he exists because you are in love with him and the two of you not being together hurts more than you want to admit?”
“Just sugar-coat that one a little, why don’t you?” Wonwoo bites. Seungcheol just smiles at him endearingly, he’s known Wonwoo for too long to not have built a resistance to him.
“Have you thought about just talking to Mingyu? I know it might seem terrifying but you can’t keep avoiding him, or your feelings the entire time he’s here.”
“What do I say? I’m mad that you left, I’m mad that I didn’t go with you? I’m mad that I am still so in love with you after two years, even if we both know it’s not healthy for us? I’m mad that I know we live less than an hour apart and yet we continue to pretend like there are continents between us rather than mending the broken pieces of our relationship?”
“Well, yeah . You have to start somewhere, whether it starts with the two of you fighting or with an apology, unless you want to stay avoiding each other for years to come, you have to talk to him.” Wonwoo grumbles at him, eyes fixated on the shore so that he doesn’t fall victim to Seungcheol’s look .
“Remember what the two of you were like before all of this. You were best friends who loved one another, you shared everything with each other, both the happy and sad moments in life. You were endlessly comfortable around one another, you’ve been in love with each other for longer than you know. You’d stay up all night and then get scolded by Mrs Yoon for it whenever you argued or had problems because you both refused to go to bed without settling it. You never gave up on each other, even when Mingyu only came home for the summer’s, but once he went off to university, it all just stopped.”
Seungcheol moves to take Wonwoo’s hand in his, running his thumb in circular motions, reassuring Wonwoo he’s there. “It’s life, it’s not only days filled with joy, we all experience heartache and we try our best to not give up on each other and we endlessly fear the unknown. You’ve got to embrace life Wonwoo, outside of this island, outside of your comfort zone.”
Wonwoo floats around between sitting on the beach and helping out in the cafe for the rest of the day, enjoying the warmth of Soonyoung’s laughter and the music Vernon plays from the radio, slow-dancing with Seungkwan when some old-timey romantic song plays whilst they’re cleaning up in the evening.
Wonwoo finds himself smiling as he watches them, as Seungcheol laughs and spins Joshua, Jeonghan giving in and joining them. Soonyoung looks at Wonwoo, an evil grin spreading across his face as he approaches him and pulls him to dance too. Minghao laughs, probably records a video, and yells his goodbyes as he slips out the door, avoiding getting involved and instead heading home.
It’s a happy moment. Wonwoo feels happy and warm . He didn’t realise how much he’d been missing it, it was easy to not pay attention to everything in between looking after his grandmother and working as many jobs as he could around the island. He’d been so focused on distracting himself, he’d forgotten all of the little things like this. He thinks of Mingyu, he thinks of dancing to old indie songs in the garden with him as kids (and as more or less adults, too). He thinks of Mingyu wrapping his arms around his shoulders, swaying to the music as they gather round the fire on the beach at the end of summer. He thinks of falling into the sand after a (failed) surfing lesson and the temptation to lean down and kiss Mingyu senseless right then and there.
There’s a lot of things that you wanted to believe to be true as a child, that as the years went by you became more and more aware that the stories you were told, were in fact just that– stories. Neverland isn’t real, nor is everyone destined to meet a royal and live happily ever after without the faintest concern for trivial things like student loans or whether or not you can afford to splurge the extra quid on the nice ramen for this week.
You want to believe that love lasts forever and that you’ll never have to worry about falling out of love or being five thousand miles apart.
But life isn’t like that. But it doesn’t mean it’s all bad– even if it seems like it more often than not,
Wonwoo thinks of loving Mingyu, and how he has done for as long as he can remember.
He wonders if it’s enough. If it will ever be enough.
Jeonghan’s gatherings come in all shapes and sizes. At times, their group will gather on a private patch of the beach, drinking by the bonfire and watching the fireworks being set off on the mainland. Other times his parties will be the complete opposite and consist of numerous people Wonwoo can’t figure out how Jeonghan knows– once, on Wonwoo’s first trip home from uni, the party had at least ten of his classmates, ones that even he himself hadn’t met properly yet. How Jeonghan knew them, Wonwoo still hasn’t gotten a straight answer.
Tonight is one of the more chaotic ‘gatherings’.
Wonwoo isn’t great with parties anyway, and both Junhui and Soonyoung disappear less than five minutes after they walk through the door, so he’s feeling particularly socially awkward from the get go. There’s a lot of people Wonwoo hasn’t seen since high school, or people who try and greet him that Wonwoo’s only ever seen in passing and at times, it’s a little much to deal with on his own.
The smell of cheap alcohol and too many people dancing in too small of a space, is quick to intrude and if Wonwoo wasn’t already sporting a healthy amount of alcohol himself, he probably wouldn’t be able to withstand as much of it as he can. Soonyoung appears, seemingly out of nowhere, with a drink in hand.
“Have you found everyone yet?” Soonyoung asks, squinting his eyes as he peers around the room, trying to spot anyone he knows.
“Pretty sure they’re all over here,” Wonwoo says, his voice raised enough so that Junhui can hear him over the music, with a nod towards a more quiet side to the house.
“How do you– Nevermind, bright orange shirt, got it.”
They eventually make their way through the swarm of bodies and spot Dokyeom and Seungkwan stood up in front of most of their friends, telling some sort of overly animated story, complete with meticulously acted out scenes.
It’s much less crowded over this side of the house and Wonwoo is grateful for that at least. Once they’re close enough, Wonwoo nudges Soonyoung in the direction of Jihoon– who seems to be lost in thought, head thrown back, staring at the ceiling, muttering something to himself, cup filled with lord knows what in hand.
Jeonghan is in a similar state by his side, and with one apprehensive sniff at Jeonghan’s cup, it’s easy to know they’ve both been drinking red wine.
“Why do most of you seem like you’ve been drinking since two p.m.?”
“We drank wine.”
Wonwoo looks around and Seungcheol is tucked against Jeonghan’s knee, nursing a bottle of some fluorescent coloured cider.
Wonwoo shakes his head at them. “Who let you lot drink wine?”
It’s a thing for their group. Only Minghao is able to get appropriately drunk off of wine, the rest of them (including Wonwoo) are strictly on wine in moderation only. Particularly after the great GCSE end of exams celebration when they were mostly sixteen and had gotten wine drunk by the beach and ended up sleeping on the stairs of Mrs Yoon’s because it was the only place they could remember how to get to. Jeonghan and Jihoon were two of the worst that night and so it had been decided they could only drink wine in controlled amounts and never to try and get smashed, at least not outside of the privacy of their own homes.
“Joshua went somewhere,” Jeonghan pouts.
“I miss Shua, I miss my boyfriend.” Seungcheol whines from where his head is leant against Jeonghan’s knee.
“I’m literally right here,” Jeonghan grumbles.
“Our other boyfriend, obviously.”
“Oh,” Jeonghan sighs. “He’ll be back in a minute. Let him devour tequila in the kitchen and think we don't know.”
Wonwoo doesn’t pay enough attention to the music playing but whatever song begins to play next earns a cheer from the partygoers. Jeonghan’s parties have never been much about the getting wasted and dancing until four a.m. part, and more about getting to have a carefree sort of fun with those he cares about and those he doesn’t get to see as much as he’d like to. Jeonghan’s parties are to make people feel surrounded, to not feel lonely and get drunk off cheap alcohol while listening to some good music, to feel something good .
“Jeonghan,” Wonwoo calls. “Can we talk for a moment?”
Jeonghan takes his eyes off of Seungcheol, his hand pausing part way through Seungcheol’s hair. Seungcheol pouts immediately when Jeonghan stops, whilst Jeonghan takes a moment to look at Wonwoo, sobering up and processing what he’s been asked.
“Yeah, of course, Wonu.” Jeonghan smiles, standing up and placing a pillow under Seungcheol’s head, who only whines but Jeonghan kisses his forehead, ruffles his hair and that’s enough for Seungcheol to be content.
Jeonghan and Wonwoo find an empty corner, Wonwoo leans back against the wall and lets out a deep breath.
“What’s up, Wonwoo?” Jeonghan asks.
“Will he be here?”
Wonwoo hates that he’s asking, hates that he wants to know, hates how it makes him feel.
Jeonghan sighs. “Who?”
“You know. Mingyu.”
“Ah. I don’t think he’ll come. He’s not exactly been mingling with everyone.”
“You really think so?”
“Well, I found out Mingyu was back thirty seconds after he’d stepped onto the island. He sent me a text, bloody idiot. Hey, I’m on the island. Please don’t freak out . That twat. I told him to stop by but he said he’s not ready, that he’s too tired after travelling. So, yeah. I don’t think he’ll have the nerve to show his face but who knows.”
“Right,” Wonwoo says. “Thank you.”
Jeonghan smiles, it’s the sort of smile Wonwoo is all too familiar with– a comforting one to hide the concern, a tint of sadness to it, desperately trying not to be a tight one. “You’re okay, right?”
“Of course. Let’s go get a drink that’s not cheap corner shop wine, shall we?”
No. He’s not okay. No. No. No. But it’s fine. It’ll be fine.
Wonwoo is pleasantly drunk a few hours later– not drunk enough to be hugging the toilet bowl for the rest of the night or to reach completely slaughtered, just a nice haze that drapes over the world for a moment, making everything look a little more bearable than it had done beforehand. A rose-coloured glasses, alcohol edition, of sorts.
He’s sitting on the floor beside a half asleep Dokyeom, with one of Jeonghan’s questionable drink concoctions in hand. Everyone has some sort of happy drunken fog to them, happy and content to be plagued by laziness under the warmth of early summer nights, unbothered by their sweat-laced clothes as they move to the beat of more songs Wonwoo doesn’t recognise.
Wonwoo envies them at times, wishing he too had the ability to get lost for the night, not a care in the world, just for a few hours.
Jeonghan’s parties are always like this. As if they’re made for people to get lost, get together, drown their sorrows in shitty alcohol, dancing until their feet hurt and the night comes to an end.
He knows Jeonghan’s parties well. Frequenting them with Mingyu whenever he was on the island. At least, he used to.
Soonyoung and Jihoon are wrapped up in conversation in the midst of the people dancing, Jeonghan is sat in Seungcheol’s lap now, lips slotted together and lord knows how long it’s been since they last took a breath. Joshua sits beside them, watching them with both adoration and a lazy smirk, and Wonwoo decides he definitely doesn’t want to be around to see that .
No amount of alcohol consumption can prepare Wonwoo to witness that.
He finds his way to the kitchen, pushing and shoving his way back through the sea of bodies. Avoiding the familiar faces, definitely of the ones that look faintly familiar from nights spent together that Wonwoo would rather not remember, let alone see tonight.
The kitchen is quiet, and when he shuts the door behind him, the music becomes much more muffled and he catches his breath for a moment when he realises that he’s alone in the room.
He grabs another drink, a vaguely familiar beer brand he recognises and knows won’t make him feel like throwing up in the next five minutes. He leans against the counter in lieu of a chair and watches the night sky out the large windows. He’s always like the way their flat overlooks the beach, and even in the night, the glare from the lights doesn’t hinder the view too much that Wonwoo can still watch the clouds illuminated by the moonlight.
He used to sit and watch the clouds with Mingyu from Jeonghan’s flat, back when they were still in high school. Talking about their future, life and whatever, with the muffled music and laughter of another one of Jeonghan’s parties, peacefully behind them.
Wonwoo shakes his head, looking through the numerous alcohol bottles until he finds a bottle of vodka. He doesn’t usually drink it- at least not when mixed with something else- but he decides to say fuck it and hopes that the vodka will take the edge off.
A few people come and go in between shots but Wonwoo pays them no attention. It’s not until he hears someone walk in, they lean against the counter, just waiting.
It takes a minute. But then it dawns on him.
“Since when did you start drinking? Never thought you’d be the vodka type.”
Mingyu’s voice hasn’t changed. It still has it’s soft baritone to it, it still feels familiar to Wonwoo. It’s enough for the vodka bottle to slip from it’s loose hold in Wonwoo’s fingers, rolling onto the counter with a rattle and a few splashes of vodka.
Wonwoo doesn’t have the courage to look at him.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ambush you.” He says.
“You didn’t.” Wonwoo musters. “I mean, I knew you were on the island, that it was a possibility I’d bump into you.”
Mingyu nods. Wonwoo can practically see the tension held in Mingyu’s shoulders.
Mingyu is still leaning against the counter, hands in his pockets and shirt collar loose enough that a little sun kissed skin catches the fluorescent lighting of the kitchen. His hair is darker. No longer a warm shade of brown, now it’s back to black. Wonwoo likes Mingyu’s natural hair– the way it looks against his tanned skin and how it has always fallen just shy of his eyes, long enough to comfortably run your hands through. It’s a little longer than Wonwoo remembers, but he supposes Mingyu no longer has his mother hovering around him every day of the week, fussing over whether or not it’s grown too long around his ears or at the back of his neck.
“Still,” Mingyu says, “I wish I could’ve given you more of a heads up. It’s been a while.”
Wonwoo shrugs. “So, you’re back?”
“For now at least, yeah. Yeah, I’m back.” Mingyu moves around the kitchen a little, grabbing himself a drink whilst Wonwoo’s eyes are trained to the floor. He doesn’t trust himself to look at Mingyu for too long, it reminds him too much of what once was.
“So,” Mingyu asks, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen between them, “how are you?”
Wonwoo swallows. “Good, fine. Yeah, you know. Not long left with uni now and living with Soonyoung takes a year of my life everyday but yeah. Nothing new.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you’re good.”
“And– And you?”
“Yeah. The same. Classes are hectic, mum still manages to nag me, even when I’m on the other side of the country. Just making it through each day. One day at a time, remember?”
Wonwoo can attest to that. The last few years have seamlessly morphed into one in between numerous university classes and navigating cursed friendship calendars.
Wonwoo and Mingyu engage in more small talk, it’s awkward but not enough that Wonwoo is prepared to make a break for it without an excuse.
He can’t help but think how good Mingyu looks. Watching Mingyu, even under the dying lightbulbs of Jeonghan’s kitchen, reminds Wonwoo of a previous warmth.
It’s a lot for Wonwoo. Particularly to take in all at once. Mingyu is here. Mingyu stands in front of him. Mingyu asks him questions about his life. Wonwoo feels like hyperventilating.
“You look good, Wonwoo.” Mingyu says, smiling a little.
Mingyu sounds genuine but Wonwoo knows it’s a lie. He doesn’t look good. He was dragged to Jeonghan’s party semi against his will, he’s wearing the same jeans he wore when he spent a night out, in someone else’s bed, and they still smell of residual alcohol.
“Thanks,” Wonwoo replies. He’s not about to explain to Mingyu that he feels awful, particularly because of the other night on the mainland– and, well. Mingyu being back. But Wonwoo is fine. Fine. “You look good too.” And that’s not a lie in the slightest. Mingyu looks great but Wonwoo asks his brain not to go there right now and it somewhat listens to him.
“Wonwoo, I was wondering–“
Before Mingyu can finish his sentence, the door to the kitchen is opened and the music and cheers fill the kitchen, almost startling Wonwoo. Jihoon and Soonyoung stagger through the door. Soonyoung hangs of Jihoon’s side, looking more than worse for wear,
“Hey Wonu!” Soonyoung yells and Jihoon shush’s him, telling him to use his indoor voice.
“Sorry Wonwoo, please could you help me get him home? He won’t tell me where his keys are either. He’s–“
It’s at that moment that Jihoon notices Mingyu’s presence in the kitchen. His eyes widen and his gaze flicks back and forth between Wonwoo and Mingyu.
“Oh. I’m so sorry, I can leave?”
“No.” Wonwoo says, not meaning for his voice to sound as stern as it does but he doesn’t care about it for now, “I was just leaving anyway.”
Wonwoo slips from his spot against the kitchen counter, making a beeline for Jihoon and Soonyoung. Soonyoung is more than happy when he realises Wonwoo is taking home.
Just before they walk out the door, Wonwoo turns to Mingyu. “I’ll see you around.”
That seems to pull Mingyu from zoning out, he makes eye contact with Wonwoo and it’s more intimidating than Wonwoo remembers. “Sure. I’ll see you around.”
Wonwoo doesn’t want to linger, and so he hooks his arm around a fumbling Soonyoung and walks out of the kitchen, pushing his way through the people still drinking and dancing, dragging Soonyoung, and by extension Jihoon, with him.
He pauses for a moment once his feet hit the pavement, letting him breathe for a moment in the silence of empty roads and slightly salty sea winds.
So much for Mingyu not showing up.
Jihoon doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. He’s born witness to many a Mingyu-induced panic via Wonwoo and Jihoon is one of the few that has more of an idea about what happened between the two of them.
“ Wonu , are you okay?”
“I’m okay.” Wonwoo says, and he almost believes it. He just hopes it’s enough for Jihoon. “I just need to get out of here, get some sleep.”
Jihoon gives him a reassuring smile. “That we can do, as long as Soonyoung doesn’t decide to run into the ocean again like he did at our end of exams for year thirteen.”
That makes Wonwoo laugh at the memory. Soonyoung, drunk, had decided that he wanted to go for a swim when they’d been trying to get him home.
They walk back in silence for the most part, a comfortable one as they occasionally let out small laughs at Soonyoung’s drunken comments.
“Woo.”
“Yeah?”
“Mingyu’s back.” It’s not a question, Jihoon already knew, before the kitchen incident.
“Yeah,” Wonwoo breathes out. “Mingyu’s back.”
Jihoon doesn’t say anything, but Wonwoo notices it in the way he hugs him a little tighter when they manage to make it back to their flat in one piece, or when he gives him an extra reassuring smile as he says goodnight.
Mingyu’s back.
Wonwoo is fine.
Everything will be okay.
Two truths and a lie. It’s not as hard of a game to play as he remembers.
Mingyu is everywhere after that. Whether he’s a hallucination (Soonyoung’s suggestion) or not , Wonwoo doesn’t know, but Mingyu seems to be everywhere that Wonwoo goes. He’s in the convenience store where Wonwoo moves swiftly between the aisles in hopes that Mingyu won’t catch sight of him. Mingyu’s down by the water whenever Wonwoo walks past, and Mingyu is more often that not shirtless, running from the water, surfboard tucked under his arm and evidently, wherever it is that Mingyu ran away to, has been treating Mingyu’s work out routine well. Wonwoo hates that he notices.
Mingyu can even be found sat on the sand by himself, watching the last of the sunset disappear beyond the horizon. It reminds Wonwoo of years worth of memories. It reminds Wonwoo of a warm, salty kiss with a worn, scratchy blanket thrown over their shoulders to protect them from the cold sea breeze that only seems to get stronger as the sun drops from the day.
Wonwoo thinks of their first kiss, smiling against one another, pauses in between filled with laughter. A first and last kiss, one shared years ago, the last time he saw Mingyu.
Wonwoo thinks of the end of spring, and Mingyu stepping foot onto the island each holiday, his presence brightening the place as they move into summer.
He thinks of summer and the memories they made over the years.
He thinks of heartbreak and loss and letting those you love go.
Wonwoo turns and heads home before Mingyu can look back and see him– but not before he makes another memory, one of Mingyu’s sunkissed skin under the golden hour light.
Wonwoo thinks it’ll be the last semblance of a happy memory that he has of Mingyu.
“I vote we set it on fire,” says Junhui from where he’s laying on the floor, straw for his juice carton tucked back between his lips– everyday Wonwoo wonders how Junhui is so much older and wealthier than he appears, especially in moments like this.
“What?”
“The jumper.” Junhui points to the article in question, held cautiously between Wonwoo’s hands. “Set it on fire. Who cares? What is he gonna do, sue you? Over a jumper ? And like, if he does try and sue you, then set him on fire, too.”
“You are not serious, I am not setting Mingyu on fire .”
“Fine, I’ll do it!” Jun says with a bright grin on his face, and it half makes Wonwoo smile, half makes him immensely creeped out, but it’s Junhui and well, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t used to this.
Soonyoung appears to have impeccable timing and walks through the door to catch the last moments of the conversation and asks, “who are we setting on fire?”
“No, no-one is setting fire to Mingyu, or anything or anyone for that matter.”
“I voted that we should set the jumper Wonwoo just found, that belonged to Mingyu, on fire.”
“Oh, pre breakup clothes sharing… huh. It’s been a while, I’m surprised you still have it?”
“I didn’t know that I did. It was right in the top of my wardrobe, with a bunch of stuff from high school, and it’s not a breakup if we were never dating.”
“I do remember the very thorough Mingyu-cleanse after you broke up. I honestly can’t believe something slipped through, I thought we gave everything to your mum for storage.”
“You– what? We weren’t dating, and you said you were taking all that stuff to the tip–“
“We lied, duh.” Soonyoung says, as if it’s obvious, dragging out the ‘duh’ in order to make Wonwoo feel more like he is in high school again.
“We kinda-sorta-maybe hoped the two of you would get back together at some point? Sorry, I mean get together . Or, at least, you might go on to regret throwing some of that stuff out, especially as there were pictures of all of us, so we kept it. So that you’d be able to revisit any of that stuff if you wanted too one day.”
“I’m both pissed and endeared that you guys did that. Thank you, even though I’m mad at you for lying to me for the past two years .”
“You’re welcome, Wonwonie!” Soonyoung beams. Wonwoo has never been able to stay mad at either of them for long, especially not when he knows they both had good intentions,
That’s the worst part, he supposes. His best friends have always known him better than he does himself. If Wonwoo really thought about it, he’s not mad at them, he’s mad at himself for wanting to throw everything that reminded him of Mingyu away. And he’s angry that despite trying to throw it all out, Mingyu has always been there in some way or another. A constant presence in his life, whether he has wanted it or not.
Mingyu and Wonwoo was no simple feat, that everyone knows. They fell into each other's lives easily, quickly entangling with one another like they’d known each other all their lives, which in the grand scheme of things, they had. They were best friends who fell in love. Except it wasn’t as simple as that, nothing ever was when it came to Mingyu.
First love is a tricky concept. It’s difficult and scary and wonderful and amazing. First love fills you with both hope and dread, it allows you to believe in love and it also destroys any and all expectations of what first love is, in more ways than one.
First love is painful, that much Wonwoo knows.
He knows that better than most.
And if he’s honest, even if it is only with himself, Mingyu does too.
Mingyu has always been a significant part of his life, and in many ways, he doesn’t want to lose that. No matter how much he thought he wanted to do so in the past.
“Wonwoo, you know if you want to stay in tonight, we wouldn’t force you to go out?” Junhui says from where he’s looking through Wonwoo’s wardrobe for something to nick and wear tonight, and more than likely, will never return.
Wonwoo frowns and stops scrolling through his phone for a minute. “Why not? I’m not going to miss out on celebrating with the others because of this, that’s not fair to me, or anyone else.”
Junhui let’s him go, although he hovers a little for the first hour of the party, checking in on Wonwoo. As annoying as it is, Wonwoo is grateful for it. Eventually, he gets passed on to Seungcheol so that Junhui can go have fun, properly, for the first time tonight, rather than watching over Wonwoo like he’ll spontaneously burst into tears at the thought of Mingyu. Wonwoo doesn’t want to find out if that’s just a joke or not.
"So," Seungcheol says from where he leans across the kitchen island, peering at Wonwoo with warm eyes. "How are you doing?"
"I'm good, not drunk, just a pleasant little buzz. Getting my internship for next year lined up. I’m good.”
"No, I mean—" Seungcheol pauses. "You know, how are you doing?"
Wonwoo stiffens a little and his chest feels tighter with each breath.
"I'm fine," Wonwoo says smoothly, no trace of a lie in his tone. He gives Seungcheol a tight smile. "I'm really okay, there’s no need to worry about me."
Seungcheol nods, although his eyes seem filled with doubt. "You sure?"
“What good would freaking out over it again do me? Sure, he’s back, it’s different. But I’m over it, it’s been a few years. I’m fine.”
Wonwoo hopes if he convinces enough people, if he says that he is fine enough, that will be enough for him to believe his very own lie.
Seungcheol nods again, thinking for a moment. “So, if he was to come tonight, you’d be fine with that?”
"Yeah, of course."
"Mmh."
"He's here?"
“Yeah. He was invited, not sure if he’d come, but I saw him a little while ago.”
“Right. Well, I’m fine. Just going to get some air before the alcohol sets on me and I do actually end up drunk.”
Wonwoo finds his way to the back deck of the house and as he steps out, he feels like he can breathe a little easier again. He spends a few moments just regulating his breathing and, frankly, preparing himself if Mingyu does happen to turn up.
He sits and watches the waves on the steps down to the sand for a little while. It’s soothing, familiar, and it’s always been a comfort for Wonwoo.
Wonwoo hears the door to the house open but he pays it no mind.
“Hey,” Mingyu says from behind him.
“Hi,” Wonwoo replies.
They make mindless small talk for a little while, talking about school and family and random things Wonwoo won’t remember an hour from now.
They fall into a steady silence, it’s not as uncomfortable as Wonwoo would’ve thought, but things left unsaid hang heavy in the air around them as they look at one another.
"I—” Mingyu swallows. "I'm sorry. I wanted to say I’m sorry.”
"Don't."
"I am, I mean it."
“No. I said don’t.” Wonwoo says, his voice is stern. Louder than normal and it takes them both by surprise. “I don’t want to hear whatever bullshit apology you’ve been rehearsing for the last few years. I just wanted an explanation, but what good is one now? What are you trying to do here, Mingyu?”
"I don't want to fight." Mingyu’s voice is small, and Wonwoo wants to laugh at the contrast between their tones.
“I– I don’t either, but maybe we need to.”
Wonwoo doesn’t know what he wants to say, but his words are suppressed by the feeling of Mingyu’s lips against his.
There’s no harshness to it, no desperation. Instead, it’s soft, Mingyu’s lips are soft. Mingyu doesn’t force it on him, he keeps his touch light enough that if Wonwoo wants to push him away, if this isn’t okay for Wonwoo, that he can walk away without another word.
The thing is, Wonwoo knows he should walk away. But he doesn’t want to.
A post-break up kiss is said to be a kiss that catches both of you off guard, but says I miss you, I’m sorry and please love me again all at once without any words being spoken. Wonwoo has never really thought about it before, but now he understands it.
Kissing Mingyu again, it feels like home.
Whatever magic Wonwoo felt whilst lips were on lips, Mingyu’s hands burnt into his waist, Wonwoo’s fingers in Mingyu’s hair, it fades.
He leaves. Wonwoo walks back through, out to the front of the house and decides he can’t do this. Not now at least. He mumbles his apologies to Mingyu, but Mingyu doesn’t stop him. Mingyu lets him go, and Wonwoo is grateful for that.
When Wonwoo gets home, Soonyoung is sitting in the living room of their flat, he looks at Wonwoo with surprise for a second, but quickly moves his laptop from his lap and onto the coffee table, letting Wonwoo curl into his side.
"Mingyu was at the party."
Soonyoung pulls him tighter. “Oh.”
"Yeah."
"Shit."
“Shit indeed.” Wonwoo says. And that’s enough for the two of them.
Mingyu 22:16
I love you.
I know that I love you.
You know that I love you
I only want the best for you and for you to be happy
If this is what you need then I understand
I want you to be happy, even if you being happy doesn’t involve me
Wonwoo 22:47
I know you do.
I just need space...
I’m not ready to pretend like none of this happened.
take care of yourself.
Mingyu 23:39
Okay
I understand
I’m always here if you need me
Please don’t forget that.
We were happy together in whatever way.
We could be again.
I love you.
Wonwoo 00:09
✓✓ READ
Once upon a time, Mingyu and Wonwoo had said always and forever, just for a moment. He almost believed it, that always and forever really meant that. For a long time, Wonwoo had used that as an excuse to avoid how he feels now, and how he had felt then.
When Wonwoo gets home, still buzzed from the warmth of the cafe, he sees Mingyu sitting on the beach from his window. He smiles, a little fondly. For years they sat on the sand, watching the sunset and enjoying each other's presence. It was a habit, time spent in one another's company.
Wonwoo sits next to him, surprising Mingyu almost as much as he surprises himself.
“Hey,” Wonwoo says.
“Hi.” Mingyu answers. “How are you?”
“Feeling like a really shitty person and missing my best friend, you?”
“Pretty similar. Wondering how long my best friend is going to hold what happened against me? How long is he going to hold the fact that I moved away because I wanted more than what this place has to offer against me?”
Wonwoo grits his teeth. His fists clench as he tries to calm the frustration building up inside of him. He stands, tugging at his hair as he lets out a sigh. “That’s what you don’t understand. That’s what you’ve never understood about this.”
“And I never could understand when you speak like that, guess there’s a lot I don’t understand when it comes to you. Perhaps it’s because you don’t tell me? Or maybe not, right?”
“That’s not fair.”
“Then tell me what you mean. Please . I told you I didn’t want to fight and I meant that, but I can’t keep doing this whilst you resent me when I don’t so much as know what you seem to hate my guts for .”
Wonwoo stills his expression, suppresses the want to call Mingyu an idiot and tell him that he loves him. Instead, he let’s safety take over. “Nothing. I don’t mean anything by it.”
Wonwoo can feel Mingyu’s eyes trained on him as Wonwoo walks away before he gets a chance to respond. Mingyu’s feet remain glued to the ground until Wonwoo is no longer in sight.
In hindsight, Wonwoo has known Mingyu long enough to know that Mingyu can’t stand unfinished business, and therefore should’ve expected for Mingyu to seek him out and finish what they (Wonwoo) started the other night.
Mingyu doesn’t bother with pleasantries, instead he jumps right in, a precaution in case Wonwoo decides to run away again.
“Why are you so angry that I tried to get a better life? Wasn’t that always the plan? Weren’t you supposed to be happy for me. Aren’t you?” Mingyu’s tone isn’t angry, it’s pleading and it tugs at Wonwoo’s heart strings as he feels the guilt rise up in him.
Wonwoo takes a breath and he realises that this is it. This is that now or never moment, their now or never moment.
“I was, I am happy for you, Mingyu. I wouldn’t ever be angry that you got into your dream school, I wouldn’t have helped you apply for starters. What I’m angry about is that you didn’t say goodbye. You left, you knew I wasn’t going to join you. You knew . You keep saying that there was nothing to keep you here, you always said that, but what about me? Was I not enough for you? For you to not so much as promise to come back, to come home ? I thought we were finally going to figure it out, the both of us, together.”
“Wonwoo–“
“I’m not finished. I’m sorry that I miss you, I’m sorry that we didn’t work out like everyone thought we were supposed to. I’m sorry that I still love you.”
“Wonwoo, I can’t give you what you want in life. I wish I could, but I just can’t .”
“I’m not asking you to, I don’t want you to give me everything. I don’t even know what I want anymore, I know that I want you. You have always been enough for me, always. If summer’s spent here is enough for you, so be it. If disappearing for two years is what you want, I get it. If you want to break my heart again, I understand . We don’t work, this isn’t our timing or whatever, but I just need you to know that. I know that I can be happy without you, I know that I need closure and space and I know that one day we’ll figure all of this out, but today is not that day.”
“I need to think. About all of this. Everything. I need to think. Can I take some time?”
Maybe, just maybe, a small smile makes it onto their faces.
It’s gone elven p.m. when Mingyu finds himself in front of an ever-familiar front door. The sun has long set, instead a clear sky is in its place with a warm summer haze.
When it opens, he’s met with a face he hadn’t realised just how much he had missed.
“Hi,” Mingyu breathes out.
Wonwoo smiles at him, stepping aside slightly to let Mingyu past. “Hi,” Wonwoo says, like it’s the hardest thing he’s said in years, and maybe that’s not as far from the truth as it may seem.
Mingyu just smiles.
Somewhere down the line, they meet again. As friends or as lovers, neither of them know, but they find each other again with the passing years.
They meet at the end of spring, their summers are entangled together.
It’s enough.
That’s the thing about second chances, they’re not just scary– they’re fucking terrifying.
You got hurt, no one wants to go through that more times than they have to, But the happy memories nag in the back of your mind, making you question if you made the right decision or not.
And so you give them another chance. Just one. One to make sure you made a mistake, or one to make sure that this should be the end of the road.
And one by one, they write out the memories. Because even if the world was ending, they’d find their way back to each other.