Work Text:
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You were a technical analyst for the FBI. Whilst you helped out various departments in the Bureau, more often than not, you would assist the BAU. Garcia was excellent at her job, but sometimes when things got tough, she would ask for your help.
You'd been with the FBI for just over a year when Spencer Reid had asked you out. To say it was a shock was quite frankly an understatement. When you'd first helped the BAU, he'd been the most distant of the team. You and Penelope had gotten on like a house on fire. Which had led to her dragging you along to girls night with JJ and Emily. Rossi and Hotch had both shown you kindness, and had seemed to be exceedingly impressed with your skills. Derek had made you laugh, and in return you would casually flirt with him, after some guidance from Penelope.
All in all, you'd gotten on well with the serial killer catching team, just not including Doctor Reid. It had seemed like he didn't like you; he'd avoided you whenever possible. He had never called you for help, had always turned to Garcia. It had been a little confusing, you'd assumed he disliked your personality.
But it had turned out that he'd simply been attracted to you, and had not handled it well.
When he'd asked you on a date, you had said yes without hesitation. You'd been attracted to him since the moment you'd met him.
Your first date had been surprisingly smooth. You'd expected awkwardness from him, but it seemed that knowing you also liked him had allowed him to relax around you.
One date turned into two, then three, and after a couple months you were confident in the knowledge that Spencer Reid was your boyfriend.
Spencer made an amazing boyfriend. He was beyond thoughtful, and would constantly put your happiness before anything else. Falling in love with him had been stupidly easy. Being with him made you beyond happy, and it had felt like your life was perfect. You were in love with a wonderful man, and things were going amazing.
Then, all of a sudden, everything fell apart.
-
Spencer going to prison was like a nightmare made real. Your sweet boyfriend didn't deserve such an awful fate. He was too soft hearted for prison, and you were afraid that he wouldn't come back the same person.
After 84 sleepless nights, he finally returned home to you. You and the team had been waiting for him. When he walked out, your heart suddenly felt 10 pounds lighter. He was battered and bruised, but he was alive, and it felt like a god damn miracle. You stood back and drank in the sight of him, watching as he hugged his team mates. When Penelope finally let go of him, he straightened up and looked directly at you.
The simple manner of eye contact made you tear up. You truly couldn't believe he was back in the outside world; free from confinement.
Spencer rushed towards you and swept you into his arms. You sagged in relief, it was like you were home. He smelt the same, thank god. It was a distinctly clean smell, the smell of your boyfriend. You breathed in deeply, as you clung to him.
He pulled away from you, but only slightly. He looked into your eyes and whispered. "I can't believe you're really here."
Before you could respond he cupped your face in his hands and kissed you deeply. The kiss was full of longing and passion, and made you blush slightly.
It was a little shocking to you. Spencer was never one for public displays of affection. The two of you were co workers, and Spencer was a private person. So most affection he showed you was behind closed doors, away from prying eyes. You assumed it was because he'd missed you, it wouldn't be something he'd do again.
You got over your shock and eagerly responded to his kiss. In fact, you almost forgot you had company. Of course until Penelope let out an awkward cough. "Sorry to interrupt guys, but we have a bit of an emergency."
"Of course." You say, face red from embarrassment "Let's go."
The team head towards the car. You expect Spencer to let go of you. But he doesn't. He holds your hand in his, and stands close enough that your shoulders brush. Again, the gesture is surprising but certainly not unwelcome.
You look down at your hand intertwined with his and you smile; you never want to let go.
-
You had known that when Spencer returned home, he would be different. An experience as horrible as the one he had suffered couldn't not cause change .
He struggled with sleep, he would wake up often in the middle of night, crying or screaming, and almost always covered in sweat. It broke your heart seeing him in such pain, but you knew that there was only so much you could do to fix it; what he really needed was time. So you'd do your best, you'd stroke his hair gently, and whisper reassuring words into his ear, and you'd pray for his mind to heal.
Most of the changes you saw in Spencer were small, hard to notice. He was a little more closed off to strangers; he was a little less patient with people. The biggest change of all came as a surprise; Spencer Reid could not stop touching you.
The first couple weeks after his release were spent at home. He was physically and emotionally exhausted, and clearly not fit for work. It didn't take much convincing for Hotch to give you and Spencer time off. The majority of the time was spent at Spencer's apartment. You had your own place, but you kept a lot of stuff at his, it only made sense given how much time you spent there.
You spent a lot of those two weeks in bed, wrapped up in each other. You would huddle close to him as the two of you watched movies on the laptop. Some of them were foreign, and had no subtitles, meaning Spencer would have to translate for you. Although you would roll your eyes at this, you secretly enjoyed the calming sound of his voice, close to your ear.
There was little to no food in his place, so you were constantly ordering takeout. Of course you could have gone to a store, but there was an unspoken agreement between the two of you to keep the outside world at bay for as long as possible.
It felt like in those two weeks, Spencer was touching you more often than he wasn't. When in the bed, your legs would be tangled together, and his hands would always be somewhere on you. When you slept, he would wrap his arms around your waist; he clung to you like he was afraid you'd disappear if he let go. Even when the two of you sat down to eat at the table, he'd sit close by, and would gently rest his hand on your thigh.
This behaviour didn't strike you as too odd; after all the two of you had been separated for a while. It was when your friends came to visit, that you noticed something was different.
They'd held off for a week; wanting to let the two of you have some alone time. But when you'd asked if they wanted to stop by for coffee, the team had answered with barely concealed enthusiasm, it was clear they had missed the so called boy genius.
Penelope and Derek had arrived first, with pastries from their favourite bakery in hand. Then had followed the others, excitement clear in their expressions. It was so nice having the team back together, that you felt almost overwhelmed with emotion.
When the whole team had settled down, Spencer had come to sit next to you, in an uncharacteristic move. The reason it felt odd to you was how close he was. He had wrapped his arm around your shoulder, keeping you safely next to him. Normally your boyfriend wouldn't act like this in front of your co workers. Whilst strange, it was certainly not unwelcome. After Spencer's absence, you wanted to be as close to him as possible.
-
You ready yourself for things to go back to normal when the two of you return to work, but it doesn't happen. He walks into the FBI holding your hand tightly, and doesn't drop it at the sight of your superiors. He escorts you to the office you share with Penelope. And before he leaves he kisses you deeply, right in front of your mutual friend.
"Damn girl!" Laughs Penelope "Does pretty boy have no shame?."
You simply shrug in response. Because honestly, you have no idea.
Spencer is on desk duty for his first week back, which you are beyond grateful for, as you don't think you could handle him getting on a plane just yet. Desk duty means that Spencer takes the opportunity to check in on you often. He brings coffee, which is always accompanied by kisses (much to Penelope's amusement.)
The two of you go out for lunch, and he insists on sitting on the same side of the booth. It's amazing being able to spend so much time with him, that you begin to dread it coming to an end.
You're not sure how he does it, but Spencer manages to drag out his desk duty longer than you'd thought. When a case comes up, he's the first to offer to stay at the office, to do the admin side of their work. The whole team notices, but none of them comment.
"Spencer." You sigh, two months into his return "I think you need to talk to someone."
"Like a therapist?." He asks incredulously.
"Yes. I think you need to talk to a professional about your time in prison. It's clear that your experience is holding you back from your job." You do your best to speak in a gentle voice, not wanting to upset him.
"I'm here aren't I? Doing my job?."
"You haven't been out in the field for two months."
"That's not-!" He starts in a loud voice before taking a breath and starting again. "That's not anything to do with my time in prison. I am not afraid to go out into the field. In fact, I miss it."
"So then why do you keep staying behind?"
Spencer looks down at the ground uncomfortably, and lets out an awkward laugh. "I thought that was obvious."
"What do you mean?"
"It's you." He admits, sounding vulnerable and afraid "I don't want to leave you behind.
"Spence." You sigh, feeling your heart ache "I love you. But you can't be here all the time, and I understand that. You need to as well. We can't always be together."
"I wish we could." He says forlornly, and it becomes to much for you to handle. You step towards him to pull him into a hug, and he reacts instantly, nuzzling his face into your hair.
"What can I say to make it better?." You mumble the words into his shirt.
"I don't know if there's anything to say... But there is something you could do."
"Anything." You promise.
"You could move in with me." He says, sounding nervous but hopeful.
A startled laugh passes your lips, and you look up at him in amusement "I pretty much live with you anyway."
"I'm aware." He rolls his eyes "But you still have your own place. I think it's time for you to move all your stuff in. We could get your name on the lease, so you know it's your home as well."
His voice catches on the word "home", and it makes your eyes go misty. "You, Spencer Reid, are already my home. But if you need me to sign a lease to prove it, then I'm game. Let's do it."
-
Spencer starts going on missions once you've officially moved in. It seems that knowing you'll always be waiting for him, in your shared home, when he comes back from a case makes leaving a little easier for him.
Still, when he is gone, it seems like he's never not texting you. He sends almost a million a day. Some are stupid things like "Morgan stole my chocolate bar." Or "Why is New York so damn touristy." Other's are more heart warming like "I miss holding you." Or "I can't wait to come home to you."
Even when he's incredibly busy, he still manages to call you once a day. Sometimes it'll only be a quick five minutes, just so you can hear each other's voices. The best calls are hours long, with you discussing things to take his mind off the typically gruesome case he's working on.
His cases mean that he can be gone for weeks at a time. You keep yourself busy, assisting Penelope, and often lending a hand to the Cyber Crimes unit when you have the time.
Whenever you get the text to let you know that he's on a plane home, you'll try to go straight to the airport to pick him up. The moment he steps off the plane he'll run towards you, so that he can claim your lips, and kiss you deeply. The team had gotten into the habit of wolf whistling at your displays, which you found pretty funny. Spencer would ignore his friends, in favour of focusing on you.
"Two weeks is too long." He'd murmured into you ear, after a particularly bad case in Florida.
You smiled sadly at this, then snuggled closer into him. "Definitely too long."
-
Six months into Spencer being home, things go to shit (again).
Spencer was working a case in New York, and had been gone for a week. You were out at a bar with Penelope, the two of you giggling over cocktails.
Your phone rings, and you already know it's him; he'd promised to call before bed. You excuse yourself so you can hear his voice properly. Standing in an alley outside the bar, you sigh happily into the phone.
"Baby! It's you!" You laugh, the cocktails taking effect on you.
"Should I ask how much you've had to drink?" He replies in an amused voice.
"Nope."
"Alright I won't. I just wanted to call to say good night."
"I was hoping you were calling to say you'd be home tomorrow."
Spencer lets out a deep sigh "I'm guessing Penelope hasn't told you what happened this morning?"
"We don't do work talk on girls night." You knew Spencer was tracking a killer who targeted young women, but that was all. This particular case hadn't required your help, so you'd spent the week working on a Cyber Crimes case.
"Well we identified the unsub, and found his hideout, but he got away. Local authorities screwed it up for us."
You can't help but groan at that "So there's a killer on the loose, and my boyfriend isn't coming home anytime soon. Got any good news for me?."
"Erm... I love you?"
"Well that's not news, but it's always nice to hear. I love you too."
Spencer replies but you don't hear. You get distracted by the sound of a man approaching. He's tall and large, and carrying a gun. And before you can even let out a scream, he's fired it right at you.
You collapse onto the ground, and you cry out in pain. Chaos breaks out at the sound of the gunshot, and you pray that Penelope finds you. There's a pain in your stomach, and blood pouring out of you.
Spencer screams your name down the phone; but you don't hear.
-
You wake up in a white room, with painfully bright fluorescents. It doesn't take long for you to remember what had happened.
"You're awake." Comes the soft voice of your boyfriend.
You turn your head to seem him sat on a chair next to the bed. He looks like a mess. His eyes are red, with purple bruises under them. His hair is unbrushed and his clothes are rumpled. You want to laugh at how he's somehow still the most beautiful person you've ever seen.
"I'm awake." You whisper back.
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I got shot." You reply, expecting him to laugh.
Instead he furrows his eyebrows and frowns "You almost died." He says, voice sounding far off and afraid.
"I think 'almost' is the word you should focus on." You tease gently "What happened?"
"Jackson Edwards. The killer we were tracking, the one who escaped. He was angry at the team for stopping his plans, so he came to kill you, to get his revenge."
"And where is he now?"
"Jail. He killed five women and shot an FBI employee. He'll rot in prison for the rest of his life." He says the words fiercely.
"Good. That's good. Are you alright?"
"Don't ask me that; you're the patient."
"Well this patient is worried about you. So tell me, how are you feeling?."
Spencer looks down at the ground, avoiding your gaze "I wasn't there." He says, in a haunted voice. "You needed me and I wasn't there. By the time I got here you were in the middle of surgery. You could have died, and I wouldn't have been there."
"Spencer, this wasn't your fault."
"I'm leaving the BAU" He says abruptly.
"Like hell you are!" You exclaim.
"I'm going to be a full time professor. I decided on the plane over here."
"Well then un decide!" You shout "You're a good agent, you're amazing at your job. You can't just quit!"
"I can and I will." He says stubbornly "I love you, and I can't keep leaving you alone. If you'd have died today, I would have never forgiven myself."
"Well I love you, but I swear to God, if you quit your job because of me, I will dump your ass!"
"But I-!"
"I'm not finished!" You snap.
You look at your foolish boyfriend in frustration. For someone with such a high IQ, he was sure as hell ridiculous.
"First of all, you're too tired to be making huge life decisions. And second of all, if I had died tonight, it would not have been your fault. Yeah it would've sucked, especially for me, but it wouldn't have been something that you could prevent. You can't control life Spence. Sometimes good things happen, and sometimes bad things happen; that's just the way it is. But for Gods sake, you can't just quit over one bullet!."
"A bullet that could've killed you!" He grumbles, but he's already sagged back into the chair into defeat. "I'm being stupid aren't I?" He asks in embarrassment.
"Just a little bit."
"I didn't mean to over react. But tonight made me go crazy. I hate being apart from you. All those sleepless nights I spent in prison, I'd picture being with you, and it made things bearable. And now that I have you back, I'm terrified to lose you." He confesses.
"I can't promise that you'll never lose me. We both lead too dangerous lives for me to do that. All I can do is promise that I'll fight like hell to always come back to you. Because I am yours, and you are mine, understood?."
He looks at you softly, already feeling better. He holds onto your hand tightly, and the feeling makes you smile. "Yeah," He whispers "Understood."