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The deer had been staring at the house for hours.
“Isn’t that Temari’s doe?” Yoshino asked eventually, standing on the back porch.
“She says it’s not hers,” Shikamaru replied. He had spent most of the day sitting outside, watching the clouds and watching the deer. “But yes, that’s her.”
“She wants your attention.”
“Then it’s definitely Temari’s deer.”
Yoshino stared at her son.
He looked tense; strung out from months of political wrangling with Suna, from the stress of shifting back and forth between countries, from the additional strain of trying to work, and trying to plan a wedding. He was supposed to be in the office today helping Kakashi with something, but Yoshino had made no move to get him into work and Shikamaru had made no effort to leave the house.
She left him to while the hours away, checking on him occasionally throughout the day, and throwing one last glance at him before going to answer the persistent knock on the front door late in the afternoon.
“Shikamaru wasn’t at work!” Naruto blurted out, as though this was the greatest tragedy the nation had faced in recent times.
Chouji stood beside him, nodding sagely.
“We were supposed to kidnap him from the office for his bachelor’s party, and he wasn’t there.”
Yoshino raised an eyebrow. That explained why Shikamaru hadn’t bothered to make up an excuse not to go to work. He had never intended to be there in the first place. “I don’t think he’s in the mood for a party.”
“He doesn’t have a choice,” Naruto said, exasperated. “You don’t get to back out of your own bachelor party. Is he home?”
Yoshino stepped back from the door. “He’s on the porch.”
Naruto and Chouji sped past her, focused on their mission, and she followed them far more sedately.
She could hear Shikamaru before she could see him. “I’m not going out; I do not want to be around people right now.”
“Dude, that’s not how this works,” Naruto protested hotly. “You have to come with us!”
“It will be fun,” Chouji added gently. “And you can’t spend the next few days just moping.”
“Not moping,” Shikamaru replied dully. “I just need a break.”
Yoshino stood in the back doorway, eying her son. His apathy was fractionally concerning, but she had a feeling she knew where it was coming from. She said nothing, just studied him with narrow eyes.
Naruto had him by one arm, and was trying to pry him off the porch, but Shikamaru was a dead weight and remaining stubbornly seated.
“You’ll see Temari again in a few days, get over yourself,” Naruto said. “And you’re meant to be excited about this! It’s the last week of freedom!”
Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. “Are you implying being married is a trap?”
“Sure!”
“Does Hinata know you think that?”
“Not my marriage, obviously,” Naruto rolled his eyes. “That’s great.”
Shikamaru looked at the deer again. She raised her head when he caught her eye. “You guys can just party without me.”
“It’s your party,” Chouji pointed out. “You’re essential to it.”
“Chouji,” Shikamaru started wearily. “I’m exhausted. I just want to rest, and watch the sun go down, and count down the days until I can see Temari again. I don’t want to pretend to have fun, I don’t want to go anywhere, and I don’t want to see people who aren’t her.”
The goodbyes had been getting harder, now that the promise of a life together was so close. And everything happening in Suna, with Temari snarling at the elders and sniping her way through countless meetings and defending Shikamaru at every turn, had just made him fall in love with her harder, and he missed her more than he had before.
Somehow extracting himself from Naruto’s hold, he stepped off the porch onto the grass and strode towards the forest.
Naruto and Chouji shuffled after him. They barely reached the trees before the doe bolted at them, head down, snorting. Naruto yelped and dived behind Chouji, who stood very still.
The little deer stopped in front of them, still snorting menacingly.
“Call off your deer,” Chouji said.
“She’s not mine,” Shikamaru replied mildly. “She’s Temari’s.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets, and wandered towards the trees. “Remember, she won’t attack if you’re not in the forest.”
“That’s not fair!” Naruto called from behind the safety of Chouji’s shoulder. “You can’t hide behind a deer!”
Shikamaru glanced over his shoulder at his friends. He shrugged. “Go and enjoy the party. Tell everyone I was stuck at work or something.”
“But-“ Naruto took one step around Chouji, and the deer charged at him again. He jumped back, and if Shikamaru had been in a better mood he might have been amused at Naruto – arguably the most powerful shinobi alive – being intimidated by a tiny deer.
“Have fun,” Shikamaru called lazily. He paused, and turned to face them once more. “Princess, come.”
Naruto and Chouji watched him retreat into the forest. The little doe snorted once more, then turned and trotted after him.
“Now what?” Naruto asked.
Chouji shrugged. “Leave him alone, I guess.”
The forest was calm and peaceful.
The dark coloured doe followed at his side, nudging her head into his hand every few paces, and he absently stroked her neck.
The sun was getting lower, and the light filtering through the leaves was a warm yellow.
Shikamaru made a mental note on the location of a pair of discarded antlers, intending to pick them up again on the way home.
He made his way to one of the clearings that he liked to nap in. Another group of deer looked at him curiously, then resumed grazing, and his deer wandered off out of sight. Shikamaru watched them for a while. There was a young, haughty stag with a dark spot on one knee that flicked his ears at Shikamaru.
“Hey,” he said. “Causing trouble again?”
The stag had proven to be quick to charge when annoyed, although he was placid today.
“I see you’ve got a little herd all to yourself. Look after your girls.”
There was a sudden, strong nudge against his back, and Shikamaru staggered a step forwards before regaining his balance and turning around. His entire posture softened. “Ah, hey, Jani.”
The stag who had shoved him pushed him again, before searching pointedly through Shikamaru’s pockets.
“Sorry, no treats for you. I didn’t exactly plan on coming wandering through here.”
Jani blinked at him, eyes big and dark, and Shikamaru smiled wanly at him.
“I’m getting married in less than a week,” Shikamaru said, continuing his stroll.
Jani fell into step beside him.
“Sorry you’ll miss it, but it had to be in Suna. We’ll probably do a little ceremony here, anyway. Temari’s already livid that Suna’s elders wouldn’t allow the wedding here, because she wanted it to be in Konoha. I guess,” he chuckled, “I could take you with me. What do you think? Never had a deer in the desert before.”
Jani snorted, tossing his head slightly.
“Yeah, I guess. Not your scene. Don’t worry about it, you don’t have to come.” He paused to sit on a fallen log, and Jani stood in front of him. “You know, I . . . Having you there would have been great, though. Like Dad was there.”
Jani stretched his neck out, and Shikamaru took the animal’s head in his hands, gently pressing their foreheads together. His voice shook slightly. “I miss him. I know you do, too. And Mom does. And I really, really wish he was alive right now, because he’d know what to do and what I need to do, and . . . And I just really need him.”
Jani warbled softly.
“He’s supposed to tell me how to be a good man and a good husband. I don’t know anything. I don’t have all the answers. Everyone thinks I do, but . . . what advice would he give me? What would he tell me, about taking care of Temari and treating her right? She’s my world, and I don’t want to get anything wrong with her. Dad said meeting Mom made him want to be a better person, and I get it now, and I really wish I could tell him that.”
Shikamaru paused, working to speak around a lump in his throat. “A lot of what he said makes more sense now. I understand what he was trying to teach me and tell me, and now I want to know the things he never had the chance to say.”
Jani stayed very still, not flinching at Shikamaru’s shaking hands, and the thick dark fur of his face caught the falling tears.
Shikamaru held him like that for what felt like an age and yet all too short at the same time.
Eventually, he sat back, wiped his eyes off, and checked the sun. It was almost gone, the forest around him darkening. He stood up, slinging an arm over Jani’s back. “Come on, buddy. Let’s go home.”
Yoshino was sitting outside, waiting for him.
Shikamaru avoided looking at her. In doing so, he noticed the Shogi board set out. His gaze snapped to hers in surprise.
“Let’s play,” she said simply.
Wordlessly, slowly, Shikamaru sat down at one side of the board.
Jani stepped onto the porch behind him, and lay down, neatly folding his legs under his body. He was warm against Shikamaru’s back.
Yoshino made the first move. “Your friends went ahead to the party without you.”
Shikamaru just shrugged, unsure of what to say. He kept his eyes on the board, carefully moving a tile.
They exchanged a few moves in silence, then Shikamaru murmured, “Was Dad nervous before his wedding?”
Yoshino chuckled. “Yes.”
That coaxed a small smile to Shikamaru’s face. “Was it the wedding making him nervous, or you?”
He kept looking at the board, and the tiles. It was easier than looking at her.
“It better have been me.” She threw a glance at Jani. “He spent the entire night before pacing around, with Jani trying his best to keep up with him. Of course, Jani was barely a day old at the time.”
The stag snorted, flicking an ear.
“Your father actually told the priest to hurry up during the ceremony, because Jani was due for another bottle feeding.”
And that prompted a snort and a chuckle, and Shikamaru reached his hand back to stroke Jani’s neck.
“I wasn’t very amused, I tell you.” Yoshino sent a fond, loving look at the stag. “But afterwards he was sitting in the grass – still in his good wedding tux – with that fawn in his lap, and I realized that this was who I had fallen in love with. This goof of a man, who was too smart for his own good and who seemed to have the ability to help the whole world. I got lucky,” she added. “Even though he always said he was the luckier of the two of us.”
Jani laid his head down on the porch, and Shikamaru rested his forearm on the animal’s neck.
“That’s what you want, though,” Yoshino continued. “To both think you got luckier than the other. That’s how you know it’s real.”
“Think I’m ready?”
“You’ve been ready for a life with Temari for years.”
Shikamaru swallowed. “And . . . will I be good enough?”
Yoshino narrowed her eyes. “You damn well better be.”
Gently, Shikamaru stroked Jani’s fur.
Yoshino’s expression softened a bit. “And we know you will be. And Temari will set you straight if needed.”
“What do you think Dad would say, if he was here?” His fingers pulled lightly around Jani’s ears.
“Be a good man.” Yoshino stated simply. “And don’t pretend you don’t know how. You’ve always been a good man. Even a blind fool can see you and Temari are meant to be together. So don’t overthink it.”
Shikamaru let out a shuddering breath, and nodded. “I miss him.”
“I miss him, too. Every day.” Yoshino smiled sadly. “You can’t change the past. Just make sure you create a good future.”
“Think he’d have any other advice?”
“He’d probably tell you that your wife is always right,” Yoshino said, with a twinkle in her eyes. “And, of course, that’s the most important piece of advice. But I think he’d tell you that marriage isn’t as daunting as you think. You’ve got your soulmate right there with you, at your side forever, and that makes everything easier. You never have to face anything alone.”
Shikamaru nodded slowly, his hand stilling atop Jani’s head.
“There is one other thing he would definitely say, if he was here,” Yoshino said.
“Yeah?”
“Checkmate.”
“What?” Shikamaru snapped his eyes down to the board. “What the – how – when – oh, come on, Mom, I wasn’t paying attention and-“
“Don’t make excuses; it’s unmanly,” she said sharply. “You lost fair and square, Shikamaru.”
He blinked at the board in disbelief. “But . . .”
She stood up. “It’s getting late, and you have a busy week. You should get some sleep.”
Shikamaru huffed. “Not fair . . .”
He leant back into Jani’s side, crossing his arms over his chest and grumbling.
Yoshino raised an eyebrow at him.
“I’ll stay with Jani a bit longer,” he said.
She nodded shortly. “And don’t forget, you have to apologize to the Hokage tomorrow for not bothering to show up for work.”
“Yeah, I know.”
She turned on her heel and went into the house.
Shikamaru heaved a sigh, closing his eyes. He never lost at Shogi. It was impossible. Jani warbled again, and it sounded like a laugh.
“Don’t mock me,” Shikamaru grumbled. He opened his eyes when he heard Yoshino approach again.
She held out a small wooden box. “He said to give you this on your wedding day, but I think you need it now.”
Shikamaru took the offered box, and Jani lifted his head to study it. “When did . . .”
“Before the war,” Yoshino folded her arms across her stomach. “He knew the odds of surviving weren’t great. He asked me to give you that, in case he didn’t make it back home.”
“Do you know what it is?” Shikamaru looked at her, feeling the lump in his throat return.
“I don’t know what the note says.”
“There’s a note?” Shikamaru pried the lid off the box. A fine silver chain was laid inside, and Shikamaru picked it up to study it.
Yoshino smiled tenderly. “Ah, yes. He used to say dirt got under his wedding ring all the time when he was with the deer and on missions. And it would be better to have it around his neck instead. He never got around to actually using the chain, because he was just as lazy as you.”
Shikamaru picked up the folded note, and carefully smoothed it out.
There was a long silence that followed, then Shikamaru asked in a shaky whisper, “He wrote this before the war?”
“Yes, he did.”
Shikamaru offered her the note with a trembling hand, and Yoshino took it from him. She skimmed through it, then looked at Shikamaru. He wiped tears off his cheeks. “When did he know?”
She sighed fondly. “He never told me. I suppose he didn’t want to jinx it.”
Jani licked a stray tear off Shikamaru’s face, and Shikamaru held out his hand for the note.
Yoshino gave it back, and Shikamaru held it up for the deer. “See this? Everyone always said I was two hundred steps ahead of everyone, but fuck, Dad was a million ahead of me.”
Jani made a pleased little grunt, and Shikamaru sniffed loudly.
He didn’t even notice Yoshino leave until she came back and threw a blanket at him.
“If you’re spending all night out here with Jani,” she said. “Stay warm.”
Shikamaru
If your mother gave you this note, obviously I did not make it back from the war. And that’s okay. Because you’ll do fine. You’re brave and strong, and whatever you do in the future will be right for you. Keep growing, and keep bettering yourself. Keep the world safe.
I’m proud of you
PS Take good care of Temari.