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Mingjue begrudgingly paid for a Costco membership last Spring because A-Yao went on and on about the wonders of its food court while Xichen lusted after the pallets full of five-pounds packages of pistachios.
“Da-ge, can you grab that pack of toilet paper, please? I can’t reach it,” A-Yao said during one of their bi-weekly trips to the warehouse.
“What - that? You mean the fucking giant pack of 35 mega rolls?” Mingjue looked over at the display incredulously. “What are you going to do with all of that????”
“There’s a coupon!” A-Yao insisted, “And it’s always a great idea to stock up on essentials.”
“We already have two packs at home - TWO. There’s no one in the whole world who would need to stockpile freaking toilet paper like that!” Mingjue hissed, and because it was Mingjue, it sounded as loud as a train’s horn. Other people were starting to look over at them now. Oops.
“Da-ge, A-Yao was just trying to think ahead,” Xichen intercepted just in time, having heard Mingjue’s voice from two aisles away and immediately ran over to check.
“Ya, I was just trying to plan ahead! You never know what might happen - that horrible tornado might actually change its trajectory and hit us, or... or....you know, some sort of disaster! And we couldn’t go out for weeks!!!” A-Yao continued, bolstered by Xichen’s support.
Mingjue was about to knock over the mountain of toilet paper if only so that he could bury A-Yao there when Xichen said, “We can give it to A-Zhan and A-Ying! I know they have been busy with A-Yuan and probably don’t have time to shop for... ah... essentials yet.”
“Oh, that’s a good idea, gege !” A-Yao’s already huge eyes turned into perfectly round saucers. “Maybe we could also buy more diapers for them! I saw a coupon somewhere....” He said, flipping through the coveted coupon book.
The truth of the matter was, Mingjue signed up for a Costco membership because he knew how much reassurance and satisfaction A-Yao was getting from their shopping trips. Even if they walked away with nothing in their cart, which was rare but could happen, A-Yao was reassured that it was because he chose to leave empty-handed. It was one of the many... quirks... that came from the multitudes of psychological traumas A-Yao experienced as a child growing up with abusive parents and in extreme poverty.
And so, Mingjue continued to bring A-Yao to Costco to restock their essentials and for Xichen to buy enough pistachios to fill a pool (hopefully one big enough so he could drown Xichen in, thus ending this absurd addiction once and for all).
“Da-ge ! Look! Oh my GOODNESS!!!” A-Yao squealed the moment he rounded the corner in search of diapers and came face to face with a pile of literally larger-than-life teddy bears. “Ohhh! Oh! oH!!!! So SOFT!” A-Yao declared dramatically and loudly as he shoved his whole face into a bear’s belly.
“Wooooow!” Xichen was also impressed, walking closer to the bears as if in a trance.
Mingjue had two fucking idiots for childhood-best-friends-turned-roommates. He must have offended the gods in his past life to be saddled with these two in this life. What a fucking tragedy.
“We have to get one! It would make an amazing cuddle buddy!!!!” A-Yao exclaimed, already trying to drag a bear from its perch inside the giant box.
“That’s a great idea, A-Yao!!!!” Xichen chimed in, stepping closer to help pull the bear out. “I don’t think it’ll fit in our cart... Let me go get another cart!!!!” And off he went, running back toward the entrance to get an empty shopping cart.
Mingjue stood still, speechless because what the fuck just happened? And also trying to wrap his mind around the image of this creepily large teddy bear sitting in their living room. He turned around, about to voice his objection when he saw A-Yao literally wrapped himself in between the bear’s arms with a blissful smile on his face. All of his objections evaporated and his annoyance dissipated. Their living room was big enough. It would be fine.
“Da-ge ! Here - I got a cart, help us move the bear onto it!!!!” Xichen shouted, waving his arm and pointing at the cart he was pushing toward them with ungodly speed.
“Ok, ok, fine. A-Yao, you grab the butt and I’ll grab the head,” Mingjue said as A-Yao moved to follow his directions. Together they lifted the bear onto the cart, and Mingjue had never seen A-Yao happier than when he pushed it around the aisles as they returned to their search for diapers.
“Oh! Here it is!” A-Yao spotted the diapers display and immediately rushed over, almost knocking a woman browsing nearby with his giant bear. “Sorry!!!”
“Just get one case, A-Yao...” Mingjue warned. “I’m sure Wangji can go get more later.”
“Okie dokie,” A-Yao just nodded along, strangely complacent.
“I think he’s too happy about the giant teddy bear to argue with you,” Xichen whispered. Mingjue wasn’t about to stir the pot after it had settled down, or something like that, so he just let A-Yao be.
Turning to A-Yao, Xichen said, “We just need to grab some gardening soil for my vegetable patch and we’re done!”
“Okie, er-gege ,” A-Yao nodded and followed Xichen as they headed out to the garden center.
After Mingjue helped haul two sacks of soil onto the cart, the group headed back toward the food sections to get the things they actually needed.
A-Yao grabbed two of everything ( “A-Zhan and A-Ying need food too!”): three-pounds bags of avocados ( “They’re a source of good fat!”), ten-pounds cases of oranges ( “We need vitamin C! It’s flu season!), twenty-four pack of yogurts ( “Da-ge, you like these yogurts!”), two tubs of cream puffs ( “OOoohhh! These are my favorites! A-Ying loves these too!”), two bottles of oat milk (“ For your tea, Er-ge. I’m sure A-Zhan would need some too.”).
Mingjue stopped by the alcohol display and contemplated asking for a pallet jack to just haul the whole shelf of beers to check out, but ended up grabbing one case of his favorite because he was only a drama-queen and no longer an excessive drinker.
When it was finally time to pay, Mingjue paled at the total. Even if they split the bill equally, which was what they usually do, it would still be a hefty amount - one of the highest yet. But A-Yao piped in when it was their turn to be rung up, “Let me pay this time!!! I just had an amazing bonus from work!” And Mingjue was not going to argue with that. Xichen put up a mild protest because his oversized sense of propriety would kill him otherwise.
“ Er-ge, you could pay for our lunch instead!” A-Yao said by way of ending the gentlest fight of debit cards.
Ah, lunch. This was Mingjue’s favorite part of their Costco trips. No matter the time of day and if any of them had eaten, as soon as they finished paying for their stuff, they would always grab “lunch” at the food court. Mingjue left his roommates at the cash register and headed straight for the food court line just off to the side. He knew their orders by heart: Xichen always got a strawberry sundae to go along with his slice of veggie pizza, and A-Yao loved the hotdogs with a latte freeze. Mingjue had an extreme fondness for the chicken bake and a couple of churros for dessert with an ice-cold coke. With their orders placed, Mingjue found them a table close to the soda machine.
“Ahh! Da-ge, did you already order?!!” Xichen asked, spotting the yellow receipt in Mingjue’s hand.
“Oh yea, I’m so hungry I didn’t want to wait,” Mingjue replied, waving his hand dismissively.
“Let me pay next time!!!” Xichen said, looking incredibly put out.
“Sure thing!” Mingjue agreed. When Xichen got this look, there was no arguing.
“Thanks, da-ge!!!” A-Yao said cheerfully.
The trio finished their food at record speed. They gathered all their things and began the short trek to the gate. Once they managed to drag both of their carts outside, Mingjue was legit worried that all of the shit they bought might not fit into the incredibly silly Honda Fit that was Xichen’s. He’d tried to convince them to take his truck like they normally do since they always end up buying so much stuff, but nooooo - Xichen was all about waxing poetics over his new car and wanted to show it off.
They ended up having to pop the little window in the back open and let the bear hang its freakishly large paws out, sitting on top of their other purchases. A-Yao climbed into the backseat with Xichen’s life-time supply of pistachios next to him. Mingjue squeezed his six-feet-five frame into an uncomfortable bend in order to not bang his head against the top of the car with very little success. Xichen, the fucker, was smiling dopily.
“Everything fits! Isn’t my car awesome?!” He asked, completely unaware of Mingjue biting his tongue to stop himself from bursting out in curses.
To keep the peace and the general good ~vibe~ of the group, Mingjue nodded in agreement. Behind him, A-Yao snickered knowingly.
Xichen drove them over to Lan Zhan and Wei Ying’s house. Thankfully it was only a twenty minutes drive. Otherwise, Mingjue wasn’t sure how he would contain his rage at strangers pointing at their car, with two giant teddy bear’s legs poking out the back and a giant of a man squeezed in the front as if it was the most ridiculous thing they had ever seen gracing the city’s streets. They clearly had not seen Wei Ying.
Speaking of whom, Wei Ying went out to greet them when they arrived and immediately doubled over with laughter. “OHHH!! Is that... Is that a giant teddy bear?!!!!”
“Yes!!! Isn’t he wonderful?” A-Yao nodded. “He’ll be our cuddle buddy!”
“Uhm, is that a sex thing? You three kinky---” Wei Ying didn’t get to finish his sentence because Mingjue had freed himself and poked Wei Ying in the ribs. “Ouch! I’m sorry! I was joking! OR NOT!!!” Wei Ying screamed and ran out of Mingjue’s reach, laughing like a maniac.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan’s calm voice came out from inside the house.
“Lan Zhan!!!! Come out! Bring A-Yuan! You gotta see this cuddle buddy !!!” Wei Yung bellowed toward the wide-open door, still running around in circles to avoid Mingjue’s wrath.
Xichen let the two grown-ass men continue their chase while helping A-Yao wrestle the teddy bear aside to unload the stuff they bought for the Wei-Lan household.
“Brother, A-Yao,” Lan Zhan greeted them with A-Yuan on his hip. He was looking more and more comfortable as a dad. “A-Yuan, this is your Uncle Xichen and Uncle Guangyao. Say hi,” he pointed out each person to the six-month-old baby who gurgled and waved his hand in response.
“Ahhh! A-Yuan!!!! And this mean giant who’s chasing me... is your Uncle Mingjue!!!!” Wei Ying said in between breaths as he continued to run around, trying to avoid being caught by Mingjue.
“A-Yuan, your dada is an idiot!” Mingjue said, rapidly gaining grounds on Wei Ying.
“I am most definitely not---” Wei Ying insisted right before being tackled by Mingjue onto the lawn.
Lan Zhan made some vague gestures of protests and asked the wrestling pair to be careful, but he knew they just liked to rough each other up a bit for fun and there was no real harm done. Although Wei Ying’s ego was always a bit bruised whenever he lost, which was rather often. Lan Zhan usually comforted his husband by reminding him that Mingjue was a retired Marine after all, so of course, he’d win.
“A-Zhan! We got some stuff for you!” A-Yao said, ignoring the wrestling match going on right on the ground next to him.
“Thank you,” Lan Zhan went over to the car to help Xichen and A-Yao unload the goods with A-Yuan still tucked to his side.
“Nah, it was no biggie!” A-Yao said as he dug up the case of diapers, “We saw a bunch of useful stuff on sale so we figured you two might need some too.”
“A-Yao paid for everything,” Xichen piped in, carrying the massive pack of toilet papers toward the house.
“My treats! I just got a huge bonus from work!!!”
“OHH! Then can I get some Emperor’s Smile please?” Wei Ying hollered from his spot on the grass, pinned down by Mingjue.
“Losers can’t ask for rewards,” Mingjue said, grinning triumphantly.
“You and your freakish strength!!!!!!” Wei Ying whined, “Lan Zhan~ Help your husband out, will you?”
“Ha! He just walks right back into the house!” Mingjue cackled, “Serve you right, Wei Wuxian!!!”
“NOOOOO!” Wei Ying dramatically flopped his arms out in a gesture of defeat, “I’VE BEEN BETRAYED!!!!”
Inside, Xichen piled the boxes of stuff in the kitchen. He knew his brother was very specific about where things were stored so he’d rather let A-Zhan deal with putting it all away than attempt to figure out where things should go.
“Wahh wahhh!” A-Yuan babbled excitedly at Xichen from his perch on Lan Zhan’s hip.
“Yea? Did you have an eventful morning, A-Yuan?” Xichen asked, coming closer to tickle his nephew.
“A-Yuan finished both his breakfast and lunch today without crying,” Lan Zhan said proudly. A-Yuan, for all his sweetness, was really picky when it came to food. And even if it was something he liked, getting A-Yuan to finish one portion was a challenge.
“Oh really? What a good boy you are!!!!” Xichen said, tickling the boy’s nose gently and making him giggle in delight.
“That’s so great!” A-Yao chimed in, having unloaded the cases of diapers he carried on the floor. “A-Yuan, you have to eat all your meals so you can grow strong like Uncle Mingjue!”
“That’s right!!!” Wei Ying stumbled in, finally, after having lost the wrestling match. “Otherwise, you won’t get any help from your baba ! He did me dirty today!!!!” Wei Ying pouted.
“Woah woah, we don’t need to hear about how A-Zhan ‘did’ you, you little gremlin!” Mingjue grumbled from the hallway.
“Well, I was referring to Lan Zhan’s betrayal just now! Take your mind out of the gutter!!!!” Wei Ying hollered back.
“Xichen, are you sure it was wise to let your brother marry such an uncultured swine?” Mingjue shot back, making A-Yao snicker and Xichen shaking his head.
“I’m afraid I can’t get in between them,” Xichen replied with an exaggerated sigh.
“WOW! Lan Zhan, listen! Your own brother - !!!! WOW!!!” Wei Ying shouted, pointing his arm back and forth between Xichen and Mingjue.
Lan Zhan only looked at his husband with a look of utter fondness, his lips curled up into a gentle smile.
“What.. Lan Zhan, don’t think you can smile at me like that and I’ll forgive you!!!!” Wei Ying stuttered.
“ Dada !” A-Yuan said, waving his arms toward Wei Ying in support.
“At least I still have you, my little radish!”
“ Baba !” A-Yuan turned to Lan Zhan and smiled, arms turning back to loop around his neck.
“WOW. I see how it is...” Wei Ying said, shaking his head in mock-defeat. “No one loves me anymore.”
“A-Ying, you should try some acting gigs. Your dramatic chops keep getting better,” A-Yao commented, hand on his chin as if thinking deeply.
“For my looks alone, I could totally be a star!!!” Wei Ying pronounced confidently.
“And for all my strength, I still apparently cannot squash your oversized ego,” Mingjue said, looking dismayed.
That set off another impromptu wrestling match right on the kitchen floor. Lan Zhan tucked A-Yuan higher on his hip and gestured for Xichen and A-Yao to head over to the living room for some tea, leaving Mingjue to tickle Wei Ying into submission.