Work Text:
"Look," Kaminari says, waving a toothpick with a precariously wobbling takoyaki around in the air, "I can get behind Kirishima's giant, monument sized crush on our very own number one hero that looks like a villain–"
"Duh, because it's obvious," Ashido butts in, emphasizing her words with a chomp around Kaminari's takoyaki.
"First off, don't interrupt me, that's rude. Second off, don't eat my food! That's even more rude!" Kaminari pouts before he continues, "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, yes. We all know about Kirishima's big fat crush on Bakugou. What I'm wondering is how realistic is it that our very own little sociopath holds any degree of like-age for somebody other than, I dunno, his reflection in the mirror."
Sero nods, stroking at the tape beard he's made for himself that makes him look like a knock-off Confucius. "Fair point, young Kaminari. However, might I add that Bakugou's scale for like-age far differs from that of any normal human being on this earth?"
"I can't believe you guys are acting like 'like-age' is a valid word to use," Ashido gapes.
Tokoyami leans over then and joins the conversation. "Are you guys talking about Kirishima and Bakugou? Dark Shadow has been tracking the frequency of his blasts and he's noticed that the number of crackles and blasts decreased by 27% and the overall size and intensity of them shrink by 13% when he's interacting with Kirishima. Quite fascinating."
"Woah, wait, really?" Kaminari says, staring at Bakugou where he sits with his feet up on the lunch table. He's pretty impressed by how observant Tokoyami manages to be, especially when it comes to controlling his weakness.
"They increase by 8% from the average number of blasts when interacting with you, Kaminari," Tokoyami continues.
Kaminari is no longer impressed, and further demonstrates this by zapping Tokoyami, just enough that his feathers stand on end for the rest of the day.
–
"Dude," Ashido whispers, slapping the sleeve of Kaminari's hoodie. A small trail of her slime smudges off on it, and Kaminari whines as he watches it start to disintegrate on him.
"Aw man, this is my favorite hoodie!"
Jirou turns to look at him and smirks, saying, "Damn, nice biceps Denki."
"Oh man, this is my favorite hoodie!"
Ashido snorts, "Stop playing with his heart, Jirou, we literally all know you're dating Yaomomo. More importantly," she says, pointing to the other side of the classroom.
Kaminari is still muttering something about polyamory and potential threesomes when his jaw drops. "Holy shit, what the fuck?"
Right in front of them, they see Bakugou leaning back in his chair with his feet propped up on his desk as usual, dozing off lightly as they wait for the teacher to come in for the next class period. This is usual behaviour, but what's absolutely shocking to them all is the fact that Kirishima stands behind him holding a casual conversation with Midoriya. Or well, that's not really shocking either, but the fact that his hands are in Bakuogou's hair is what has them frozen in their seats.
"I fucking told you guys," Ashido hisses. "Bakugou would never let anybody play with his hair like that. And do you see his expression? He only looks a little bit like somebody smeared shit under his nose!"
"Holy shit," Kaminari repeats. "That fucking does it oh my god, we need to capitalize on this situation."
Jirou raises her eyebrow and asks, "Capitalize?"
"Yeah, we have right now, at our very own disposal, a Bakugou Katsuki neutralizer!" Kaminari clears his throat and looks away when Bakugou squints an eye in their direction. Whispering now, he continues, "Also this isn't only self servicing. If Bakugou and Kirishima like like each other, then we can, you know. Help them do–" he makes a circle with his thumb and forefinger on his right hand and sticks his left pointer finger in and out of the circle as he whistles.
"You're disgusting," Jirou says, flicking him in the forehead with her earphone jack.
"I dunno," Ashido muses. "Kaminari's got a point. Maybe the solution to making Bakugou less angry is making him less horny."
Jirou groans and covers her ears. "Please let me go deaf immediately."
Luckily for her, Cementoss walks in then to begin the next lesson and they all return to their seats.
The rest of the class is surprised to see that Kaminari, for once in his life, is taking rigorous notes throughout the duration of the class period. It should be noted, however, that when Sero asks to copy them the next day, Kaminari says, "What notes?"
–
"Okay, gather round my dear fellow Shimagou shippers."
"The what now?"
"I say the first order of business is not letting an idiot like Kaminari come up with the ship name."
"Wait, what's a ship name?"
"My vote's for Kuma! It sounds cute!"
"Where does Kuma even come from, though? Kiribaku makes so much more sense. That way you actually know what we're talking about."
"Everybody, shut the fuck up!" Kaminari shouts over the conversation. "Ashido," he says, pointing at her raised hand, "You may speak."
"What about… Katsei."
Kaminari promptly ignores her and turns to Sero, "Sero, you may speak."
"Wait, how about Katsuji?"
Kaminari splutters, "What, like the font?"
"Then Kibaku? Like detonation. It's not half bad, considering if we go through with this, that's probably what's going to happen to us."
"No, Sero. I want us to be thinking positives, not negatives! Next! Jirou, you haven't spoken yet."
"This is so stupid," Jirou sighs, not even bothering to look up from her phone.
"Nope, I order you to participate."
"Ugh, fine. Then… TwoKi." She raises her fingers in a v sign before flopping back down on the couch.
"Hmm," Kaminari says, rubbing at his chin. "That's not bad. Like Katsuki, Kirishima. TwoKi. Kinda cute actually." He turns back to his notebook and scribbles out the top heading, replacing "Shimagou" with "TwoKi". It now reads "Operation TwoKi: Neutralize Bakugou with Some Good Dick".
"Wait a minute," Sero squints. "Are those your notes from Cementoss's class?"
"What notes?" Kaminari pauses for a minute before cracking a grin, "I'm just kidding guys! Of course I took notes, right here."
"That's literally only two sentences, Kaminari."
"So as I was saying, currently I have two ideas for Operation TwoKi. The first idea is to lock them into an enclosed space together, like a desk drawer but big enough to fit, you know, two whole human bodies. And then the second idea is to lock them in a closet. Thoughts?"
Ashido blinks at him for a second before finally speaking up. "Isn't that the same idea twice?"
Kaminari nods, "No, no, you've got a point. Lock them in an enclosed space only, ditch closet." Kaminari sticks his tongue out as he writes, enunciating each word.
"No, I mean like the closet is the– You know what, let me do that," Ashido says as she grabs the notebook over from him and scratches out the two bullet points he currently has, replacing it with "Lock them in the closet once."
"Okay, nice, next idea?"
Sero raises his hand, "Why don't we Cyrano de Bergerac this shit?" When the rest of them just look at him blankly, he sighs and continues, "You uncultured swine. We can write Bakugou a love letter from Kirishima, and then that'll make Bakugou realize his true feelings for Kiri! Problem solved."
Ashido writes down "C Rano Day Bourgeois Rack. Sero love note."
"Okay, well my idea was to ask Kirishima to help us plan a birthday party for Bakugou, and then as he does that he'll be thinking about Bakugou so much that he'll fall even more in love with him, and then Bakugou will fall in love with Kirishima because he'll be so touched that Kiri planned out this whole birthday party for him, and it'll be super romantic and Bakugou will be so surprised and–"
"Ashido," Kaminari cuts in. "Is this just your way of saying that you want us to plan a surprise birthday party for you?"
Kaminari didn't realize Ashido's pink cheeks could get any pinker but they do as she blushes, "Uh, no what do you mean, of course not!" Regardless, she writes "Bakugou birthday party" down on the page. "Jirou, you got anything?"
"Me?" Jirou looks up from her phone, considering for a moment before turning it around. "Uh, what about this?"
"Japanese… Vine compilation?" Kaminari reads, squinting. "How is that going to help us in any way."
Jirou rolls her eyes and plays the video.
"Oh. Oh. I see, yes, yes, very good, Jirou, very good indeed," Kaminari nods, grinning. "How do we even convince them to do that anyways, though?"
Jirou shrugs again, twirling one of her earphone jacks. "As long as we tell Bakugou it's a competition, he'll be down. And once Bakugou's in, so is Kirishima."
"Genius, write that down Ashido," Kaminari says, pointing his finger.
"Already there," Ashido says.
The list in its full completed form is as follows:
OPERATION SHIMAGOU TWOKI: NEUTRALIZE BAKUGOU WITH SOME GOOD DICK
Lock them in a small enclosed space, like a desk drawer except big enough to fit them in
Shit did Cementoss say there was an assignment due
Cementoss history assignment ? ask kiri abt it later
Lock them in a closet
Lock them in enclosed space only, ditch closet
Lock them in a closet once
C Rano Day Bourgeois Rack. Sero love note.
Bakugou birthday party
Vine competition(?)
"Hmm," Kaminari says. "I don't like the number four. Does anybody have one last final plan?"
Just then, Uraraka walks by and peers curiously down where the four of them are crowded around Kaminari's notebook. "Hey, what are you guys up to?"
"Uraraka!" Kaminari exclaims, "Great timing! Do you have any good ideas on how to get Kirishima and Bakugou to realize their love for each other?"
"Um," Uraraka looks bewildered, "Why are you trying to–"
Kaminari impatiently waves a hand in the air, "The why is not what matters, but the how. Don't ask questions, just tell me your plan!"
"Uh," Uraraka says, blinking at them for a moment. "Well… We used to play spin the bottle in middle school? People always started dating after that, but they usually broke up after two weeks so, I'm not sure how helpful that would be," Uraraka offers after a moment of deliberation. "I'm also not sure how necessary this whole thing–"
"Thanks, that's a genius idea!"
The list is properly updated:
Spin the mother fucking bottle whooooooo!
–
Lock them in a closet once
"You guys ready for this?" Kaminari asks, looking at his soldiers around him. "I just want to say that, no matter what happens… I am so proud of you guys. This is a battle that we are going to win, no matter what and–"
"Shh!" Jirou says, ear to the wall. "Bakugou is headed this way. Everybody, places!"
Kaminari nods before waving goodbye so he can go meet Kirishima in front of the second floor janitor's closet. When Kaminari had asked him to meet there earlier that day, Kirishima had looked slightly perplexed before shrugging and agreeing.
Meanwhile, Kaminari prays to the heavens that Ashido manages to stay safe in her endeavors. Her part in the plan was to burn off part of Bakugou's shirt until he got mad enough to chase her through the hallway to their final destination. Sero would meet them all there and fling them in with his tape, and then lock the door. Everything would be perfect.
"Oh, hey man! What'd you want to meet me for?" Kirishima asks, waving when he sees Kaminari walking over.
Fuck, he thinks. He hadn't actually thought this far ahead. "Uh, well. As a matter of fact. I had some thoughts."
"Thoughts?" Kirishima asks. He doesn't look particularly convinced.
"Yes. Very important thoughts that I would share." At this point, Kaminari is sweating bullets. Luckily, it doesn't matter too much as he hears screaming coming around the corner of the hallway.
"Bakugou incoming!" Ashido screeches, running towards them. Kaminari tugs the closet door open, and right as Bakugou crashes into Kirishima at full speed, Sero gives them a nice little boot and they land on the closet floor with a thud.
"What the fuck do you motherfuckers think–"
"Behave yourselves now!" Kaminari says with a little wave before slamming the door shut. Sero covers it with enough tape that it should properly hold in place with no worries.
There's muffled screaming and banging on the door, and Kaminari's pretty sure he can see smoke leaking out of the bottom as he backs away slowly.
"Well. Nice. I think that was a success?"
His phone starts buzzing then and he laughs as Ashido and Sero open the same message as him at the same time.
Kirikiri: pls let us out :( i hav 2 pee
Bakugou Katsuki: YOU MOTHERDUCKING DUCKS I SWEAR I WILL DUCKING KILL YOU ALL THE MINUTE I GET OUT
Bakugou Katsuki: YOU'RE SO DUCKING DEAD TO ME I WILL KILL YOU
Bakugou Katsuki: DUCK YOU! DUCK YOU ALL SO MUCH!
Bakugou Katsuki: YOU DUCKING PIECES OF SHUT
Bakugou Katsuki: YOU UGLY BAG OF DUCKS
Bakugou Katsuki: DUCK YOU!
Kirikiri: also baku is 2loud my ears hurt :(
Bakugou Katsuki: DIE
Bakugou Katsuki: DIE
Bakugou Katsuki: DIE
Bakugou Katsuki: DIE
Bakugou Katsuki: DIE
Bakugou Katsuki: DIE
Bakugou Katsuki: DIE
Bakugou Katsuki: DIE
Bakugou Katsuki: DIE
After a sufficient amount of DIEs have buzzed across their screen, the muffled thumping stops and Ashido gives them a look.
"Do you think they're… You know… meerp moorp?" She emphasizes this with an eyebrow wiggle.
Jirou, who has joined them at some point between the 48th and the 49th DIE rolls her eyes, "Wow, so mature."
"Well there's one way to find out!" Kaminari says. "Jirou, if you please."
"I'm literally stopping the minute I hear anything similar to smacking noises of any kind," Jirou says. "And you're paying for my lunch for the next two fucking weeks."
"Yes, yes," Kaminari says. "I know you're secretly just as invested in this as we all are."
With a sigh, Jirou plugs an earphone jack into the wall, frowning as she concentrates. "Uh. I hear… music? Like, piano music?"
There's a whoop suddenly from inside the closet. "They're laughing now and… Kirishima is saying something. He says, 'Take that, Katsuki! You'll never beat me now!' and now Bakugou is yelling." With that, she pulls her head away from the wall, rubbing at her ears. "He's so loud all the time and for what," she grumbles.
"Okay but what does any of that even mean?" Ashido asks.
"Uh, guys," Sero says, holding up his phone. On it, there's a notification that reads: UnbreakableRedRiot has beaten a high score on Piano Tiles! A moment later, a second one pops up as they hear a small explosion from the closet: KingExplosionMurder has beaten a high score on Piano Tiles!
–
Lock them in a closet once twice
"What's the most important thing to remember on the road to success?" Kaminari yells at them. Ashido is pretty sure the neon streaks on his face are from her own nail polish collection and frowns.
"Um… Always be the best?" Sero asks.
"No! Always learn from your mistakes!" Kaminari gestures wildly. "The first closet attempt was a mistake, but we can always learn from it! Now what did we learn?"
"That… Piano Tiles is a very addictive game?" Jirou asks, not looking up from her own phone where she taps along to Beethoven.
"No! Good try, though."
"Hey, no fair! I want a compliment, too!" Sero whines. He is promptly ignored as Kaminari continues his pep talk.
"The answer, my friends, is that we must lock them in a closet, without their phones!"
"Ohhhh," Ashido says. "But I'm not doing the same plan this time, I think Bakugou is still plotting my murder."
"Kinda your fault, buddy," Sero says, wincing. "You know Bakugou's favorite shirt is that skull one."
Ashido rolls her eyes, "Yeah, and he owns like eight of them. Now he owns enough to wear one a week."
Sero shrugs while Ashido sticks her tongue out at him.
"Mina does have a good point, though," Jirou says. "The same tricks won't exactly work twice."
Kaminari frowns for a minute and then shrugs. "We'll just wing it. How bad can it be?"
They end up enlisting Shoji's help, and he doesn't ask any questions once Kaminari slides him 2,000 yen. Instead, he readily picks up Bakugou, relieves him of his phone and drags him, snarling to the same janitor's closet on the second floor.
Kirishima is much easier as Kaminari says, "I'll buy you the deluxe meat bento tomorrow if you give me your phone and wait in that closet."
"Okay!"
And with that, they're left to wait outside.
"So… what's all this about, anyway?" Shoji asks after the banging sounds have died down.
Kaminari runs him through Operation TwoKi and Shoji blinks at them for a couple of seconds before shrugging and nodding. At some point, the five of them, huddled on the floor together with nothing to do but wait, end up falling asleep. They wake up again when they hear a particularly loud explosion and Sero hurries to open the door before it falls off its hinges.
Bakugou hurries out, cursing at them as he stalks off down the hallway while Kirishima takes a second longer to appear after him.
"Uh, Kirishima," Kaminari asks, "What happened to your clothes?"
Kirishima looks down and takes in his shirt, or rather, what's left of it. At this point, it looks more like his hero costume with everything but the sleeves burned off and left in tatters. "Ah, we got kinda bored while waiting for you to open the door so we practiced strengthening our quirks! It was actually pretty productive, with Bakugou practicing his close range, minimal destruction moves and me holding my hardness for as long as I can!"
"Why does that sound so… dirty," Jirou says, shuddering a little.
Kaminari sighs, but he's not particularly surprised. Practicing strength training after getting locked in the closet with your secret crush? Such a typical Kirishima and Bakugou thing to do.
All in all, their first attempt is a failure.
–
C Rano Day Bourgeois Rack. Sero love note.
Kaminari is not deterred by his closet failures. Considering they were a spur of the moment, last ditch effort to think about anything other than Cementoss's history (does Cementoss even teach history? Kaminari has no clue at this point and it's already the second half of the semester) class, he hadn't necessarily had the highest hopes. He is a little put out by the fact that he's spent so much money, what with bribing various people into playing their roles, but he does it all in the name of friendship so he doesn't mind it too much.
Also, it's Sero's turn now so he can just sit back, relax, and watch.
"Psst," Sero whispers, interrupting his doodling. "Don't be super obvious about it, but Bakugou's reading the note now."
Kaminari turns his whole chair around to watch.
"I said don't be so obvious, asshole!"
Ashido and Jirou are also looking at this point, as well as Uraraka who just watches them with a slight shake of her head. They all watch in suspended anticipation as Bakugou finally notices the scrap piece of paper on his desk and picks it up.
Bakugou opens the note, reads the note, sets the note on fire, and then turns to look Sero dead in the eye. "I'll fucking kill you," he mouths across the room, emphasizing it by dragging his thumb slowly across his neck, and Sero feels like somebody has reached into his body and pulled out his spine.
"How did he fucking know?" Sero wonders after class, pouting. "I even stole Kirishima's notebook to copy his handwriting and everything!"
"Too bad Bakugou burned the note," Ashido says, patting Sero on the back. "Maybe we could have looked at it to figure out what went so wrong."
As it turns out, they don't really need to because Bakugou tells them himself, stomping over at the first chance he gets. "Kirishima is dyslexic as fuck. Maybe think about that before you try to send me a love letter in his name. Oh, and another thing? Don't write it on the back of your math homework, Soy Sauce. Good luck turning that in tomorrow."
"Shit," Sero says. "Fuck, wait, Kaminari please let me copy your math homework."
–
Bakugou birthday party
Sero ends up getting a zero and has to stay behind during the first half of lunch hour to go over the worksheet with Aizawa, who looks even more disappointed at the thought of more teaching.
"Bye Kaminari, Ashido, Kirishima," Sero calls out softly as they walk out the door, leaving him behind. "Don't forget about me, okay? Honor my legacy."
Kaminari sniffles a little, kissing three of his fingers before holding it up to the sky. "We won't forget."
Ashido rolls her eyes and hooks an arm around Kaminari and Kirishima's shoulder. "I hope you suffer!" she calls out behind her, ignoring Sero's choked sobs. She pauses for a moment, walking in silence before she speaks up again, "Say, Kirishima. Isn't it Bakugou's birthday soon?"
Kirishima frowns, "Uh, in like a month or so. Not very soon."
"Right, right," Ashido waves off. "But if you wanted to, I don't know… Plan something then you would probably have to think it up ahead of time and everything, right?"
Kirishima shrugs, "Dunno man. I usually wing things, was never really much of a planner. Hey, what's for lunch? I'm starved. Yo Bakugou!"
Before Ashido can grab at him to come back, he's run on ahead to catch up to the other half of TwoKi and Ashido groans, "Why is this so much more difficult than it should be?"
"Well," Kaminari says, "Is difficulter a word? 'Cuz honestly saying it out loud makes it seem kind of fake."
"Denki!" Ashido hisses. "Focus! The mission!"
"Oh. Right, honestly? I forgot we were doing that," Kaminari says. "Maybe we can focus on lunch for now?"
Ashido's stomach grumbles in agreement, and she decides to forget about the plan for the rest of the period.
Or maybe also for the next month.
–
"Aw," Uraraka coos from her corner of the common room where she sits with some of Class 1-A playing Spoons. "Young love."
Ashido looks up from her hand of three aces and a spade four and takes in the sight of Bakugou angrily cooking up his lunch for tomorrow while Kirishima follows him around the kitchen and steals bites of their food. "Cute," she says and nudges Kaminari with an elbow to look up as well.
While he's distracted, she swaps out his ace for her four and steals a spoon from the center of the circle.
"Oh man," Kaminari says, "They're such idiots, I mean it's so obvious that they're obsessed with each other why don't they just– hey wait a fucking minute, that's cheating!"
Ashido shrugs, balancing her spoon on her nose while Uraraka laughs with glee, twirling her spoon as it hovers in the air. Sero has at some point managed to tape his spoon to the ceiling leaving Kaminari empty handed.
"Hey, speaking of which," Kaminari says as he shuffles the cards. "Isn't Bakugou's birthday coming up this week? Whatever happened to your plan, Ashido?"
"Oh shit!" Ashido says, sitting up abruptly and letting the spoon fall back to the ground. "Fuck. Uh, shit, I'm on it!"
"So…" Kaminari says, "Are you quitting the game then?"
"Oh, fuck you," Ashido frowns, punching him in the side. "Bring it on, I'll talk to him later."
This time, she doesn't forget and after they've cleaned up the pile of half burned, scorched and taped up cards, she manages to snag Kirishima as he's on his way to the elevator.
"Hey, Kiri!" she calls out, running up to him. "I have to talk to you!"
He frowns, squinting at her, "You're not going to shove me in a closet or anything, are you?"
"No, no, nothing like that! Just, do you remember? What I said about planning something for Bakugou's birthday?" Ashido asks.
"Oh, yeah!" Kirishima grins. "That was great advice, thanks!"
"Great advice? You mean you are going to plan a surprise party for him?" Ashido asks, grinning. Tell Kaminari to take that.
"Oh, uh, no not exactly," Kirishima says, scratching his head. "I kind of planned something between just me and him. Maybe we can all do a dinner together the weekend after, though? I'm sure he'd love your company!"
Ashido frowns, wrinkling her nose, "Eh, nevermind then." Damn it. She loved planning parties.
"Uh, sorry?" Kirishima says, taking in her disappointed tone.
Ashido waves him off, walking back to her own room so that she can text Kaminari.
Miiiiiiina: :(
Donkey: lol told u so
They end up getting Bakugou a cake for his birthday anyway, and he's sufficiently embarrassed enough about the whole occasion that Ashido is satisfied with the results, laughing as he blows up the candles with his fist.
–
Vine competition(?)
"So," Jirou says a week later, plopping down on the couch. It's a lazy Sunday night and people sit around either cramming in the work they've procrastinated all week or relaxing because they've been good, productive students earlier during the weekend. Ashido, Kaminari and Sero fall into the former category. Jirou, Bakugou and by some miracle (see: Bakugou screaming at Kirishima at regular intervals) fall into the latter. "My turn."
"Your what?" Kaminari asks.
"What'd you get for number three?" Ashido asks.
Sero frowns, "Fourteen."
"What? I got thirty six!" Ashido groans.
"I got Abraham Lincoln but I don't think that's…" Kaminari groans. "This is pointless. I should just drop out and be a stripper."
Jirou shrugs, "I could see it, honestly. You have the whole dumb blonde thing going for ya. But anyways, Kirishima, Bakugou! I need you guys to help me with something since you're already done with your work."
"Take me with you," Kaminari whines, holding out a hand that Jirou slaps away.
"The fuck do you want, earphones?"
"Don't be so rude, Bakugou," Kirishima chides. "It's not manly!"
"Right, so before you start your weird mating ritual or whatever, I need your guys' help. I'm trying to make a viral video, so I figure what could be better than two of UA's most famous heroes?"
Bakugou lets out a little self-satisfied grunt at that, which Jirou takes as an okay to go on.
"Okay, so Kirishima, I need you to stand right here, against the wall," Jirou directs and Kirishima happily does as told. "And Bakugou, when I give the cue, I want you to walk up there and slap a hand on the wall right next to Kirishima's head."
"You want me to…" Bakugou pauses, "You want me to kabedon Kirishima. Against the wall. While you film it. Why the fuck you I do that?" he growls.
Jirou shrugs, "I mean if you're not up for it, I guess I could always ask Midoriya to do it, since he's probably more famous than you anyway…"
"Fuck you, bitch, I'm fucking doing it! You asked me first, Bakugou hisses, standing so he's facing Kirishima. "Hurry up already."
Jirou hides a smile behind her hand while Kaminari, Ashido and Sero watch on, their work lying completely forgotten behind them. "Okay," Jirou says once she's hit record on her phone, "Go ahead."
And with that, Bakugou stalks forward, smirk on his face until he's nose to nose with Kirishima before whispering, just barely loud enough for the camera to catch, "Like this?" and slams his palm into the wall.
They all hold their breath for one, two seconds as Kirishima looks up into Bakugou's eyes, lips parted.
And then Bakugou blasts a hole into the wall, flips off the camera, and walks away leaving Kirishima to groan and hold his head, crying, "Dude, my ears. Are my eardrums bleeding? I think I've gone dead. Am I in heaven now?"
Kaminari pouts, "Jirou that sucked." He's more upset about having to return to his homework now that the entertainment is gone than the fact that the plan failed for the fourth time, but that's neither here nor there.
Jirou shrugs, "It's not the outcome that matters, but the views."
The next day, #TwoKi is trending on Twitter and Jirou's video is regularly being used as a fancam under various troll tweets. Not that Kirishima or Bakugou would know or anything, considering they don't even have social media accounts.
What they do know, however, is that while Sero did make an effort to tape up the hole left in the wall by Bakugou, they all end up with two hours of classroom cleaning duty over the next week when Aizawa finds it at the next dorm sweep.
–
Spin the mother fucking bottle whooooooo!
As a last ditch effort, Kaminari calls everyone over to sit down for a fun little game of spin the bottle. And yes, sue him, he also happens to position himself right in between Jirou and Yaomomo because if he can cash in on this opportunity then, hey why not, right?
"Bakugou, Kirishima! Join us!" Kaminari calls over, waving them down. Most of the class is gathered around and Midoriya looks a bit green. Of course, he's always green, he's Midoriya after all but… at this moment in time he just happens to look particularly green.
"Fuck out of here with that bullshit," Bakugou growls, but Kirishima pulls at his hand, tugging him over against his will.
"I dunno, could be fun!" he says, turning to wink at Bakugou as he settles down into an empty space.
"Fucking fine then, let's get this over with," Bakugou grumbles and Ashido cheers.
"You can go first in that case!" Kaminari decides, plopping the bottle down in front of Bakugou.
Bakugou bristles but ends up gingerly picking up the bottle anyway, holding it out in front of him as if it's the one with the exploding quirk and not himself. With a heavy sigh, he spins it and it whips around and around the tabletop, moving too fast for them to follow with their eyes. It turns for an eternity before it finally starts to slow down and they all hold their breath as they watch it turn around the table once, twice, thrice. It's inching forward at this point and it starts to wobble as it loses momentum before finally passing Kaminari, passing Jirou, passing Bakugou, passing – oh no.
It passes Kirishima and lands squarely on…
Mineta.
All hell breaks loose then, with all of the girls immediately leaving the table when they realize Mineta has squeezed his way into the game while Kaminari, Kirishima and Sero are on the floor, howling with laughter as the clutch at their stomachs. Mineta looks as if he's about to cry as he says, "Ew, out of all the people–" only choking off the end of the sentence as Bakugou picks him up by his face with one hand.
Mineta hangs awkwardly in the air, legs pumping and kicking at nothing as Bakugou hisses, "You finish that fucking sentence you grape fuck and I'll set off my quirk right now."
When Mineta lets out a muffled, "Mmmph hmmphh hmm mrphh!" that sounds sufficiently scared and apologetic enough, Bakugou throws him to the side and stomps off upstairs.
"Well," Uraraka says, laughing from where she stands behind the couch. "That was sufficiently a failure. I hope you lot are convinced that's enough of that for now."
Kaminari just groans, disappointed that the night doesn't look like it's going to go the way he's planned it for himself.
–
Kaminari is spread out over three desks that have been pushed together, one hand swirling a mop back and forth next to him while his other hand rests behind his head. Sero's just getting back to the classroom, returning from taping up informational flyers around the school and he sinks down into a squat with a heavy sigh. Ashido coughs as she beats the chalkboard erasers together over the trash can and looks up to see Bakugou and Kirishima crowded into a corner of their own. Jirou, miraculously has somehow managed to plead innocent to the whole hole in the wall ordeal and is skipping out on her dutiful punishment with the rest of them.
She squints as she watches Kirishima poke Bakugou in the side, laughing while Bakugou bats his hands away even as he leans his whole body closer into Kirishima's personal space only to let out a literal whine when Kirishima leaves him to cross the room and grab Kaminari's mop. It's at that moment that she decides she simply cannot take it anymore.
"Oh my god, I hate you two, just date already," Ashido screeches. She's had absolutely enough of their pining and longing and she swears to every deity and every star in the sky that if they don't just shut up and kiss, she's going to lose her mind. Like, "her brain will burst into a literal thousand pieces" type of lose her mind.
"What?" Kirishima blinks back at Ashido.
"You fucking heard me, date already!"
"Uh, who? Me and Kaminari? Like, thanks for your input but he's not really my type and–"
"No, you literal idiot, not you and glorified phone charger," she says, stomping her foot for emphasis while completely blazing over Kaminari's protests.
"Then–"
"Don't you dare ever fucking date Kaminari," Bakugou speaks up then, glaring up at them from where he's pulling trash out of cubbies. "I'll fucking kill you if you ever even think about lowering your standards to Kaminari."
"What, wait a minute, I'm feeling very attacked right now and I don't even know why," Kaminari says, finally sitting up.
"I assure you, Pikachu, the day Kirishima leaves me for you, you will wish you were dead. I can't have people thinking we're in the same league," Bakugou sniffs, straightening up.
"Hey, I'll have you know that I am perfectly capable of– Wait what?" Kaminari stops, trying to process the words he's hearing. "Wait. What?" Ashido and Sero similarly blink blankly at the two of them.
Kirishima laughs awkwardly, blushing as he moves back to stand next to Bakugou. "Aw, well. Sorry Kaminari, I'm kind of taken," he says, taking Bakugou's hand.
"Holy shit. You guys are dating. You guys have been dating already. Wait. Have you guys been dating this whole time?" Sero asks, "When the fuck did you guys even start dating?"
"Uh… remember USJ? The villain attack?" Kirishima starts, blushing even redder.
"Yes…" Ashido thinks she really will lose her mind now. That was ages ago… Barely even weeks into the beginning of the semester. She hadn't even been friends with the rest of the squad at that point yet.
"Yeah, Bakugou grabbed me and then we had a stressful makeout session that Recovery Girl walked in on. We've kinda been together ever since," Kirishima finishes with a shrug.
"What the fuck do you mean by 'kinda'?"
"A stressful makeout session? What? That's all it took?"
"I can't believe I wasted so much time on Operation TwoKi for no reason at all…"
"The fuck are these three going on about," Bakugou whispers to Kirishima, jabbing a thumb at them. When Kirishima shrugs helplessly at him, Bakugou sighs. "Wanna fucking ditch them while they're still in shock?"
Laughing, Kirishima tugs Bakugou out the door, waving goodbye to their friends who still sit there spacing out as they mutter about the unexpected turn of events. It's rather reminiscent of how Midoriya tends to get at times.
–
A few weeks earlier
"Hey, Bakugou," Uraraka says. She's dangling from the back of the couch hanging upside down and letting the gravity pull her hair towards the ground as she watches Bakugou cook in the kitchen.
"Yup?"
"You do realize Kaminari et. al. are trying to set you up with Kirishima?" she asks, squinting to keep track of his movements with the flipped orientation.
"Yup."
"But you're already dating," she elaborates. Bakugou doesn't even bother to look back at her.
"Yup."
"And you're not going to tell them," at this point, it's not a question, more of an emphasis on the situation at hand.
"Yup."
"Sounds amazing, I'm looking forward to it."