Chapter Text
Voyager’s corridors seemed to buzz with a kind of renewed energy. Crewmen and women – both old and new – called to each other in greeting, smiling, or hurried along to perform one task or another in preparation for Voyager’s departure from Earth’s orbital docking station.
Kathryn couldn’t help but grin in a mix of excitement and pride as she made her way to her ready room for the first time in three months. It seemed that, like herself, most of her crew were happy to be back to Voyager after the leave Starfleet had granted them upon their miraculous return to the Alpha Quadrant. It was obvious in the smiling faces she met and in the joking camaraderie she witnessed all around her. She was stopped every few steps to answer a question or sign some kind of authorization, yet Kathryn couldn’t be annoyed, not when she felt so galvanized by the bustle of activity around her.
“Captain!”
“B’Elanna!” Kathryn greeted with a smile as the lieutenant caught up and fell in step with her. “How have you been?”
“Busy, but fine, thank you for asking, Captain.”
“And how’s Miral adjusting to the nursery?” It was one of several upgrades on Voyager that Kathryn had been granted. It had been clear from the moment Miral was born that, if Kathryn wanted to keep B’Elanna and Tom in her crew, she would have to make a special place in her ship (and her heart) for their daughter. An easy thing to do. And it turned out that there were many parents among her crew who appreciated the opportunity to bring their family aboard. Kathryn assumed that, after what happened to Voyager over seven years ago, many were loath to risk being separated from their families again.
“As good as can be expected, Captain. She’s… not an easy child.” Despite the endeared expression on B’Elanna’s face, Kathryn also detected some wariness, and even perhaps mild concern. B’Elanna recovered quickly, throwing her a derisive chuckle. “With a half-Klingon mother, I suppose it was to be expected, right?”
Kathryn’s expression softened. “I’m sure she’ll settle once we get a routine set up.”
B’Elanna’s smile looked a little forced. “Yes. I hope you’re right.”
“You have something for me?”
B’Elanna shook herself. “Yes. There have been some issues with the new gravity plates ever since they were installed yesterday,” B’Elanna told her, frowning. “But we’re working on it, and hopefully the problem will be fixed by the time we depart.”
Kathryn couldn’t help but send her a sidelong look as they resumed walking. “I’d say having gravity on the ship is a priority, B’Elanna.”
B’Elanna pursed her lips. “Of course I know that, Captain. As I said, we’re working on it.”
“Why don’t you get Seven to help?” Kathryn asked as a crewwoman handed her a PADD for her to look at. Kathryn scanned the contents as B’Elanna stopped at her side.
“I would, but I don’t think she’s on board yet.”
Kathryn frowned even as she signed the documents on the PADD and returned it to the crewwoman – she figured Seven would have been one of the first back on the ship after seeing how uncomfortable she had looked every time they had met at Starfleet Command. Kathryn resumed walking and B’Elanna followed. “Well, I’ll make sure to send her your way when she gets here. Another set of hands couldn’t hurt. Anything else?”
“The warp core is ready to get fired up. We’ve tested the improvements to the anti-matter chamber again and again. All of our sensor tests have come back positive. We’re in good shape on that end.”
Kathryn nodded. “Good work, Lieutenant. Keep me posted on your progress on the gravity plates!”
“Yes, Captain,” B’Elanna replied before turning on her heels to resume her way back to Engineering.
Moving on from the conversation with B’Elanna, Kathryn exchanged a smile with a couple of unfamiliar crewmen as she continued on her way to her ready room. She resisted the urge reach out to the side with her hand and let it trail against the bulkhead as she walked, just to feel that connection with Voyager. It was good to be back.
“Captain!” Her treacherous heart skipped a beat when Chakotay suddenly appeared at the intersection with another corridor and he fell in step with her. “I’ve been looking for you. Here’s the list of the crewmembers who haven’t reported to me yet,” he told her matter-of-factly as he handed her a PADD. “But there’s still plenty of time before we have to start taking attendance.”
Despite his familiar joking tone, his business-like greeting jarred with the way Kathryn’s heart had somersaulted in recognition at his sudden appearance. They hadn’t seen each other in almost three months, yet he greeted her as if there were nothing special about their reunion. As if he hadn’t missed her at all.
Kathryn should be relieved. Wasn’t that what she had always wanted? For him to move on?
Well, as the old adage went, you didn’t know what you had until it was gone. And Kathryn had fallen heart first right into that cliché.
She had worked hard, these last few weeks, to find some peace with the knowledge that Admiral Janeway had dropped on her before Voyager had returned home. She had spent weeks trying to get accustomed to the idea of Chakotay and Seven as a couple, to convince herself that it didn’t bother her, that it was probably better this way. But no matter how often she had tried to put him – and the regrets she barely dared acknowledge to herself – out of her mind, he had constantly intruded upon her thoughts during her leave. Kathryn had lost track of the number of times she thought to herself “I wish I could tell Chakotay about this,” or “Chakotay’s going to get a kick out of that when I tell him.” In short, she had missed him terribly, much more than she could have ever thought possible. And these past few hours, she had been so torn between trepidation and anticipation at the thought of seeing him again, that it made her strangely flustered now. If she had believed for even one second that she had succeeded in getting over it all, it was obvious now that she had only been fooling herself.
But, despite her inner turmoil, it really was good to see him. It felt like it had felt to step back aboard Voyager: like coming home. At that moment she decided that she wasn’t about to let her feelings cloud her happiness at being back – or at seeing Chakotay. Armed with this newfound resolution, she reverted back to her earlier good mood. She took the PADD he was offering, smiling up at him briefly.
“All of the new crewmembers are here already and are looking forward to reporting to you,” Chakotay went on, oblivious to the way her thoughts (and emotions) had raced.
She stopped walking to look at the list. “Good. I look forward to getting to know them. Is Seven among those still playing hooky, by any chance?” She asked, her eyes resolutely on the PADD.
“Yes, I believe so.”
It surprised her that he didn’t know. “Well, if you do see her, better send her to Engineering if we don’t want to undergo our first mission in the Alpha Quadrant floating around the ship like soap bubbles.”
Chakotay’s lips quirked up in an all-too-familiar smile when Kathryn looked back up at him. “Let me guess, the new gravity plates? B’Elanna mentioned that they’ve been a pain in her-”
At that moment, Seven rounded the corner briskly and, noticing them, joined them with a curt acknowledging nod to both Kathryn and Chakotay. “I’m reporting for duty, Captain. And here are the newest scans from Astrometrics. I apologize for the delay, I wanted to stop by the Academy to wish Icheb good luck with his studies before coming aboard.”
Kathryn nodded as she handed back Chakotay’s PADD to him and took the one Seven was offering instead. She started scanning through the contents, distractedly listening as Chakotay asked Seven whether Icheb had appeared nervous about his first real semester at the Academy. Kathryn resolutely resisted the impulse to watch their interaction from under her eyelashes. Their interaction so far was rather more formal than Kathryn had expected, but perhaps they were being discreet. For which she was grateful. She didn’t think she could bear witnessing displays of affection between them. At least not yet. Probably not ever.
“No,” Seven replied. “Why should he be? His knowledge and intellect are far superior than his classmates, I’m sure.”
Kathryn smirked at that and risked glancing up at Chakotay, hoping to exchange a look as they had always been prone to do. She was surprised to find his attention was already on her, as if he’d been studying her. He looked away after a second and bit back a smile. “There are some things about being a teenager in a classroom with other teenagers that his intellect and his knowledge of astrophysics could never prepare him for, Seven,” Chakotay told her teasingly.
“Perhaps so, but I have every confidence that he will learn as quickly about those subjects as he did about astrophysics.”
“No doubt,” Chakotay replied, eyes twinkling. Satisfied with the data, Kathryn gave Seven back her PADD.
“So Captain,” Chakotay said, turning his attention back to Kathryn when they started walking again, now with Seven in tow. “There are some interesting rumors running around the ship about where we’re going,”
“Is that so?” Kathryn drawled, not quite able to bite back a smile, glad to see how easy it was to fall back into their old camaraderie.
“Apparently Ensign Hickman has it on good authority that we’re going to make sure the Borg are no longer a threat. But Crewman Pierce is adamant that we’re escorting a high-profile diplomat to Larikian space. Both surprisingly probable hypotheses, wouldn’t you say? The rumor mill isn’t usually so unimaginative.”
Kathryn grinned at his jesting tone as she glanced at him. “I was going to keep it for the briefing, but I suppose I can tell you two now. We’re headed to the Gianfar system, where we are tasked with giving a hand to the colonists from Gianfar 6 to evacuate – they’re expecting a rather severe meteor shower over the next several days.”
Seven frowned. “This rather seems like a waste of Voyager’s resources,” she stated. “I confess I was expecting something more… significant. Or challenging.”
“Be careful what you wish for,” Chakotay replied jokingly, though his tone wasn’t entirely devoid of reprimand.
Kathryn smirked. “I second that. But now that we’re back in the Alpha Quadrant, we go where we’re told. Besides, I wasn’t done. The mission has two objectives: on the way we are to pick up a team of scientists bound to study to Ancient Tunnel City of Ardok, on Gianfar 4. If the light show on Gianfar 6 isn’t enough to impress you, Seven, you are more than welcome to join the archaeology expedition.”
“I see,” was Seven’s less than enthusiastic response.
“The Ancient Tunnel City of Ardok,” Chakotay repeated wistfully, as if searching his memory for additional information. “I heard about this site. Isn’t that planet currently inhabited?” He asked. “What do we know about the local population?”
Kathryn opened her mouth to tell him they would cover all that at the briefing with the senior officers, but Seven beat her to it. “Species 923,” she replied. “They are an hominoid species who call themselves Maradib, meaning “People of the Above.””
Though she shouldn’t be surprised, Kathryn couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at Seven, wondering if her knowledge came entirely from the Borg of if she had spent nights memorizing these things.
“They have always eschewed assimilation,” Seven continued at her expression, explaining, “though the Borg much desired their physical resilience. They are telepathic and are believed to be remarkably well adapted to several types of environments, including aquatic. Their species tends to be secretive and their society follows a strict hierarchy of social statuses, based on the position into which one is born. I confess, I am curious to know how they’ve been able to avoid the Borg for so long.”
“I wonder how warmly they feel towards an archaeological expedition on their planet, if they’re so secretive,” Chakotay commented.
“Two excellent points, but it’ll have to wait for now,” Kathryn replied, stopping when they reached the turbolift. “Though one thing I know is that the expedition is headed by Federation civilians, and it has been sanctioned by Starfleet. So we’ll have to assume that they have some kind of understanding with the Maradib. Now, Seven, I believe B’Elanna could use your help with the new gravity plates. She’ll be expecting you in Engineering.”
“I’ll head there right away, Captain.” Seven nodded to them both, then spun on her heels.
“An archaeology mission!” Chakotay commented smilingly, leaning to speak closer to her ear as he and Kathryn went into the turbolift. “You’re spoiling me, Captain! I’ve never seen this particular site, but I’ve heard it described as something out of a fairy tale!”
Kathryn smiled at his enthusiasm as she gave the command for Deck 5. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t considered how much he would enjoy that one when she had first been given the assignment. “Yes, so have I. Which is precisely why I’ve asked for the authorization, for anyone of us who are interested, to join the archaeologists for a day or two while the rest of the crew goes on to Gianfar 6. Myself included – since I found out we were heading there, I’ve been reading about this site and I’m curious to see it. Apparently the head scientist has agreed to give us a tour of the site, and we are even invited to take part in the excavations, if we want.”
Chakotay’s lips turned up again. “Captain, I don’t care what Seven says, this sounds like a perfectly reasonable first assignment for Voyager’s first mission in the Alpha Quadrant,” he told her, his eyes twinkling mischievously.
Kathryn grinned. “I thought you might. Like a kid in a candy store!” She teased.
He chuckled, his dimpled smile brightening his expression. “Guilty as charged.” The turbolift stopped and Kathryn stepped out. Chakotay remained inside. “I’ll see you on the bridge for departure?”
“In one hour, as scheduled,” Kathryn confirmed. “Will you join me for dinner tonight, Commander?” She asked, placing her hand on the door, ensuring that it wouldn’t close in the middle of the conversation, “it’d be nice to catch up.”
He seemed to hesitate – and that millisecond that it lasted was enough to briefly constrict Kathryn’s heart. But then he smiled again and she sighed in relief. “Yes, of course, I look forward to it.”
“Good. Chakotay,” Kathryn called to him again just as she was about to go, “I’m glad you’re here with me to share Voyager’s next adventure.” Though she had wanted her tone to be light and joking, it came out much more serious than she had intended.
He paused, scanning her face seriously. “Where else could I possibly want to be?” He told her after a moment, and Kathryn thought she heard a bit of sarcasm in his voice, but then he smiled again. “See you on the bridge, Captain.”
oooOooo
Several hours after departure from Earth’s orbital docking station, with Voyager now well on its way to the rendezvous point with the archaeologists at Cavela Prime, B’Elanna rushed to the new childcare center on Deck 4.
Her shift had ended a bit late – the senior staff briefing had ended up running over time (the captain had greeted them with an inspiring, albeit a bit long-winded, welcoming speech), and then B’Elanna had had to spend way more time on the stupid new gravity plates than the task would normally warrant. She didn’t understand why the calibration kept getting error signals, and she didn’t have time for this! She still had dozens of diagnostics to run, new crewmembers to break, and a three-month old daughter who refused to sleep. Tom had been a godsend through it all, but he was exhausted too, and B’Elanna couldn’t help the guilt that burrowed its way into her heart every time she dropped Miral off with the daycare staff. And because B’Elanna had been working on the updates for a week before the rest of the crew had boarded for departure, Miral had been going to daycare for several days now.
When B’Elanna got to the center, one of the staffers was holding a crying Miral in her arms, trying to calm her by stroking her blondish hair and rocking from side to side.
B’Elanna rushed in with an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry I’m late – again!” She apologized as she took Miral and gave her a quick, instinctual glance over. “How did it go today?” B’Elanna asked loud enough to be heard over her daughter’s cries. She started bouncing Miral against her shoulder while she grabbed her bag with the other.
“The same,” the woman said (though she couldn’t remember her name at the moment, B’Elanna had a feeling she would get to know these people rather too well over the next few months).
B’Elanna frowned in concern. “The same” meant that Miral pretty much spent the day crying or fussing. “Thank you,” B’Elanna replied awkwardly before turning on her heels. She didn’t miss the pitying look the woman gave her as she left though, and B’Elanna had to take in a deep, long, calming breath.
She realized that this was the first time in almost eight years that she felt overwhelmed by everything that was happening in her life. The three-month leave had been good, but with a newborn it had by no means been a vacation. And both B’Elanna and Tom had been busy putting their life together on Earth – moving to a new place, getting reacquainted with their respective fathers, attending briefings, galas and ceremonies, and working with Starfleet personnel to install upgrades on Voyager. B’Elanna had also spent a good amount of time briefing Starfleet engineers on the new technology they had brought from the Delta Quadrant. And though B’Elanna really did enjoy this part of her job, the timing of it all rather sucked. And of course, she felt like she and Tom had hardly spent time alone together, and she missed him. She missed them.
Miral continued crying her lungs out as B’Elanna made her way to their quarters, earning either indulgent or annoyed looks from crewmembers as they passed them. B’Elanna tried to quell her urge to glare back (or worse, confront them) – who were they to judge, one way or another? They didn’t know what was going on, what if something was wrong with Miral? The thought sprang so suddenly, B’Elanna wondered with a terrible, terrible guilt why she hadn’t considered that before. She stopped in her tracks and changed direction.
The Doctor was humming to himself happily while he calibrated his medical tricorders and he smiled when he saw (heard) them come into sickbay. B’Elanna had heard that Starfleet had initially insisted that Voyager get a “real” Chief Medical Officer now that they were back, but Janeway had apparently flatly refused, telling them that Voyager already had a real CMO. The captain might have her faults, but B’Elanna was grateful for her unfaltering faith in, and loyalty to, her crew. Herself included.
“Lieutenant!” The Doctor exclaimed. “Welcome back! And how is my goddaughter faring?”
The innocuous question was the proverbial straw and B’Elanna felt the annoying sting of tears burn her eyes. She resolutely blinked it away. “I don’t know, Doctor. She won’t sleep and she won’t stop crying. What if there’s something wrong with her?”
The Doctor’s expression softened and took Miral from B’Elanna’s arms. “Let’s take a look.”
B’Elanna waited impatiently as the Doctor examined Miral, still humming quietly, and eventually the sound succeeded in making her stop crying, and, miraculously, fall asleep on the table. Was that what it took, then? Humming in a tenor voice? Or maybe Miral was just too exhausted to rebel now.
“Well, you daughter is in perfect health,” the Doctor whispered after a few minutes.
“Then why is she so… difficult?” B’Elanna asked, her voice cracking, distractedly tugging Miral’s little sock up more securely around her ankle. She hated feeling so… frayed. “I love her, more than I ever believed possible, but… it’s really hard for me to like her at the moment. Sorry,” she added, frowning, “I’m sure that’s not a very motherly thing to say.”
“You’re still getting to know each other,” the Doctor replied gently. “Give yourself time. And there could be a number of reasons: early teething, or some other discomforts. But the truth is, some babies just cry more than others. I’ve heard Klingon babies are particularly demanding and fussy. Apparently the legend goes it’s because they’re born singing battle songs.”
B’Elanna snorted. “Not even one year old yet and already a warmonger – my Klingon ancestors must be so proud,” B’Elanna joked with a teary chuckle.
The Doctor smiled. “Forgive me for saying so, but you look like you could use some respite, Lieutenant. I’d be happy to watch her for a few hours, if you and Tom need to rest or spend some time together. As you can see, not much is happening here at the moment,” he added with a sweeping glance around the empty sickbay.
B’Elanna smiled but shook her head. “I feel bad enough dropping her off with strangers when I’m off to work, I think I need to be with her now.”
The Doctor nodded in understanding.
“Well, I should head back, Tom will be wondering where we wandered to.” B’Elanna lifted Miral up gently, careful not to wake her, but she shouldn’t have worried. Her daughter was fast asleep, her head lolling against B’Elanna’s shoulder. “Thank you, Doctor,” B’Elanna told him. “Really. Thank you.”
“Anytime, Lieutenant.”
oooOooo
He seemed… different.
Kathryn hadn’t noticed earlier – but then again she hadn’t really allowed herself to really look at him until now. She couldn’t put her fingers on what exactly, but there was something different about Chakotay. Was his skin a tad darker, bringing out the gleam in his dark eyes? Was it the new uniform that seemed better fitted to his body? Was he just well rested from having some downtime for a change?
Whatever it was, it worked for him.
She wasn’t blind – she’d always known he was a handsome man, but… Kathryn couldn’t quite stop stealing glances at him from across the table, as if she would solve the mystery if she could just look, one more time. He seemed mostly oblivious as he ate and gave her a report of the day’s activities.
“Captain, where did you go?”
Kathryn blinked, lifting her head from where it had been resting in the palm of her hand. Focus. “Sorry?”
He smiled indulgently. “You looked miles away just then. Am I boring you?”
He was teasing her, but Kathryn couldn’t help a pang of guilt from the knowledge of where, exactly, her thoughts had taken her.
“No! No, of course not. I was just wondering what it would take for you to finally tell me what you did during your leave! You’ve been very secretive.” She threw him a teasing smile as she stood and gathered their empty plates to bring them to the counter. She had run into pretty much every member of her crew at Starfleet HQ or in San Francisco, but he had been nowhere to be found. She had considered contacting him on several occasions, but something had stopped her every time. Something, a feeling, that she still had no desire whatsoever to delve into.
His expression turned more serious at her question, and he gave a small shrug as he leaned back into his chair, following her movements across the room with his eyes. “There’s not much to tell, really.”
“You must have gone somewhere, I know you’re a talented man, but I’m pretty sure vanishing into thin air is not part of your skillset!”
“Didn’t you hear? I’m starting a new career as a magician.”
Kathryn laughed as she returned to the table with more wine. “Finally! Something for you to do on talent night!”
He scoffed, chuckling softly. After a moment his smile faded again, his expression returning to the distant, grave, look he’d been wearing before. He watched her pour more wine into their glasses. “I just went home for a while,” he told her softly when she returned to her seat.
“Home?”
“My home planet.”
“I see!” Kathryn exclaimed with some surprise. He hadn’t said anything about this the last time they’d spoken, the day of the welcoming ceremony. The day he and the other Maquis had received a pardon from the Federation, upon Kathryn’s strong recommendations (i.e. threats). “How was it?” She asked curiously.
“Strange,” he replied on a small sigh, brows drawn together.
Kathryn nodded in acknowledgement, but she could tell that there was much he wasn’t telling her. She studied him curiously, noticing how his fingers fidgeted around the glass stem.
“But in retrospect I’d say it was a good trip,” he added after a beat.
“Did you go alone?” Kathryn asked before taking a sip of wine, trying to make the question sound innocuous. She had run into Seven at Starfleet Command a number of times, so she knew she couldn’t have gone, but...
He nodded. “Yes. Even if Seven and I hadn’t ended things shortly before I left… I didn’t know what to expect and, well, I needed to do this on my own.” He dropped this on her matter-of-factly, as if she was supposed to already know that they had ‘ended things.’ As if she was supposed to have known that they had been dating in the first place – something they had never directly talked about, as if per tacit agreement. But that did explain their rather formal interactions today. Mind (and heart) still racing with the implications and ignoring a wave of something akin to relief and hope, Kathryn quelled her rather morbid curiosity to ask what had happened.
He went on, oblivious. “I ended up spending a lot of time just… walking, thinking. Rediscovering the place that I spent most of my youth desperate to leave.”
“I understand,” she replied softly once she recovered from the news. “Some people greet a homecoming like something to share with the rest of the world, something to be shouted from the rooftops; others would rather live through it privately, in the safety of their hearts.”
Chakotay’s expression softened into a smile at her words and Kathryn felt her heart flutter at the almost tender expression on his face. “I take it yours was something worth being shouted from the rooftops?” He teased.
“I don’t have easy roof access at my house,” Kathryn deadpanned behind the rim of her glass.
His smile turned into a quiet chuckle. “You didn’t answer the question,” he replied, still smiling. “Wasn't your homecoming everything you dreamed of?”
“Oh, I suppose!”
“What does that mean?”
“Of course it was wonderful to see my family, and reunite with my friends and my peers, but…” She sighed again, and throwing him an arch look, she rested her chin in the palm of her hand again. “To be honest, it was just about as exciting as watching paint dry.” He let out a surprised chuckle, and Kathryn found herself smiling in kind, enjoying the sound of it. And the way it lit up his eyes. “That makes me sound awfully ungrateful, I suppose, after I spent the last seven tears chewing your ears off with my desire to come home,” she drawled.
He shook his head, still smiling. “It makes you human. It is the human condition after all. To want what you can’t have.” His gaze darted away from her face, instead focusing on the twirling contents in his glass as his fingers moved his glass around.
His words seem to hang between them in the ensuing silence. Kathryn stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out if she was misreading the innuendo that seemed to lurk beneath the surface of his words.
She recovered first. “Well, that makes us all sound like we humans are ungrateful brats. And that, my friend, will not do.”
He chuckled quietly again at her tone. “I suppose you’re right. But I don’t think wanting more is necessarily a bad thing. It can make you want to improve yourself. To do more. To be more. You know better than anyone that having a healthy dose of ambition can be a force for good.”
“Oh yes,” she drawled with a raised eyebrow, “but you’ve seen firsthand where my ambition has taken me sometimes, and it’s not always pretty.”
His eyes narrowed mischievously. “I did say a healthy dose.”
She snorted before letting out an exaggerated sigh. “Well, there can be only one solution to the human predicament: we should all strive to be more Vulcan!”
He laughed. “Don’t call in the Kolinahr masters yet, Captain. No offense to the Vulcans, but I think I’d rather take my chances with the human condition. All the pains and struggles and heartaches that we humans have to endure are what make joy and love and happiness all the more worthwhile. I’d hate to be stripped of the chance to feel those emotions just because the price to pay is the occasional pain and doubt.”
“I agree,” Kathryn replied in the same tone before she leaned back in her chair to cross her legs, resting her elbow on the back of her chair and leaning her temple against her knuckles. She remembered now why she had missed his conversation so much over the last few weeks; no one could drop in a beautiful philosophical musings in the middle of banter as well as he did. She studied him for a moment. “Do you ever stop to think about what it is that stops you from getting what you want?” She asked, unsure why she was asking. Or what she wanted his answer to be. She sipped her wine as she watched him.
He considered it briefly before he gave a small shrug. “Same as everybody, I guess. My conscience. A sense of responsibility to others. Fear.”
Kathryn nodded as she considered his words. “Fear of what?”
“I don’t know,” he replied on a soft sigh, his expression pensive. “Fear of consequences, I suppose. Fear of making a fool of myself,” he added on a small chuckle, hiding it behind his the rim of his glass as he raised it to his lips.
“Oh no, I know you well enough to know that there’s very little chance of that,” Kathryn replied, her voice suddenly carrying more weight. Before she knew what she was doing, she reached out to take his free hand where it still rested on the table. The sudden, heady contact with his skin ignited something in her with a powerful spark, something she had buried deep within herself for a long time now. Kathryn pulled back her hand in alarm at the unexpected sensation, as if burnt.
He stiffened almost imperceptibly at her actions, his glass halfway back to the table, his eyes shooting to her face, penetrating. She couldn’t miss the quick, puzzled frown that furrowed his brow as he searched her face and he slowly put his glass down. She wasn’t sure what surprised him most: the fact that she had touched his hand (it wasn’t something she just did anymore, it hadn’t been in years), or how quickly she had snatched her hand back. She wondered if he’d felt it too. That… jolt. She didn’t know whether she wanted him to have felt it or not.
He opened his mouth to speak, but he was stopped short when a loud groaning metal sound coming from the bulkheads drew both their attention. Suddenly Kathryn became aware that she was … levitating, floating up from her chair, weightless.
“What the hell…?” Chakotay mumbled in surprise as the wine escaped both their glasses and the bottle rose from the table and started spinning, slowly spewing red wine in mid-air. The furniture around Kathryn’s quarters started to rise from the floor too.
“It’s those damn gravity plates!” Kathryn closed her eyes at the realization that Voyager had reverted to a zero-gravity environment. She hit her combadge. “Janeway to Engineering.” Chakotay caught her hand to keep her from spinning forward and he let out a quick bark of laughter at her exasperated expression – and the absurdity of the situation.
“Good thing you didn’t light up candles!” Chakotay told her.
His mirth was infectious and Kathryn found herself unable to bite back an exasperated scoff, though a part of her desperately wanted to stay annoyed.
It was B’Elanna who answered. “I know, I know! I’m on it!” She sounded overwhelmed, and the effect was amplified by the sound of Miral crying in the background. Kathryn hated to put additional pressure onto B’Elanna’s shoulders when she was already dealing with so much at home, but they needed her.
Just as suddenly as it had started, gravity returned and both Kathryn and Chakotay fell back to their chairs rather ungracefully. Wine splashed all over the table and the floor, while plates clattered back on the counter and the furniture fell back with thuds. Kathryn shook her head again and exchanged a look with Chakotay. It’s only then that she realized he was still holding on to her hand. As if he’d come to the same realization, he let her go, not quite meeting her eyes and straightening up his uniform.
“I better get down there,” she told him apologetically.
He nodded. “I’ll take care of damage assessment out there – and in here,” he told her as he looked at the mess around the room.
Kathryn gave him a grateful look. As she left her quarters, with Chakotay’s voice issuing orders through his combadge drifting to her ears, she couldn’t refrain from letting out a relieved sigh at escaping his presence and the new – or, rather, long buried – emotions being in his presence tonight brought to the surface. It didn’t matter that he and Seven were no longer seeing each other. It didn’t – couldn’t – matter that this felt like the second chance that Kathryn had never dared imagine would come. Nothing had changed.
Kathryn shook her head at herself as she walked, as if it would help shake off the thought from her mind, like a wet dog shaking off excess water. Though she was annoyed that the gravity plates were acting up, a part of her was relieved to have an excuse to bury herself in her work.
And forget about her heart for a while.
oooOooo