Chapter Text
chan has added minho, hyunjin and 5 others to the group chat:
new face, new face, oh oh new face
chan has granted hyunjin rights to the chat!
hyunjin: i am Stealth and Subtlety!
hyunjin: i go quick whoosh fast speed, no one even knows i'm there
hyunjin: i am like kim kardashian!
hyunjin: oh wait fuck
hyunjin: that's not it
hyunjin: i meant kim possible
jeongin: ...
changbin: good job my guy!
changbin: also what the fuck are you on about?
hyunjin: chan wouldn't give me minho's friends' numbers but i stole his phone with Stealth and Subtlety and added them to this chat!
chan: what stealth are you talking about??
chan: you took my phone right out of my hand
chan: i've seen everything you've done, i'm sitting right next to you
jeongin: chris is always watching
chan: innie sTOP
hyunjin: yeah so now we can finally get to know our step-siblings!
chan: your what now
hyunjin: step siblings!
hyunjin: you know, you're our dad and minho is their dad, so since you two are now married that makes us step siblings
chan: what the fuck no that's not how it works
minho: see, that is how it works, but that's not what has happened here
chan: ohmygod minho please
chan: leave
chan: run while you still can
minho: no, i don't think i will ;)
chan: oh fuck
minho: also i don't think my friends are my children so you're not step-siblings
minho: it's not like they see me as a dad or anything
jisung: ...
felix: ...
seungmin: ...did he just disown us?
felix: yeah i think he did :(
jisung: dad i thought you loved us :((
seungmin: maybe chan will take us
felix: but he already has his own kids to deal with, it would be too much
jisung: we'll just... go then, i guess :(
minho: nO
minho: ohmygod stop
minho: fine okay you are my children
minho: happy?
seungmin: YES!
felix: THANK YOU!
jisung: WE LOVE YOU!
hyunjin: oh wow, imagine being disowned by your own dad and then being so annoying that he's forced to take you back
hyunjin: couldn't be me
changbin: didn't you do exactly that just last week? i remember chan trying to sell you on ebay
hyunjin: moving on!
hyunjin: hi everyone :D
hyunjin: welcome to our group chat! :D
jeongin: uwu i hate it here
hyunjin: shut up it hasn't even started yet
jeongin: uwu i hate it here anyway, your logic can't stop me
hyunjin: rude little shit
chan: don't call him a little shit!!!
seungmin: oof, i sense family drama
seungmin: couldn't be me
changbin: you were disowned not even five minutes ago
seungmin: minor details
hyunjin: okay! :)
hyunjin: i made this chat so we can be friends!
hyunjin: we need to get to know each other!
changbin: so we're officially step siblings now?
jeongin: yeah because chan married that minho dude, and that minho dude already had some kids of his own
jeongin: so now minchan are parents of 6
chan: *softly* oh fuck...
chan: this is not what i signed up for
felix: Tough Luck! :D
felix: dating minho automatically means you get us as your children!
jisung: yeah, it's like a "buy one, get three free" kind of deal!
minho: hate to say it but they're right :/
minho: i wouldn't give up my friendships for a boyfriend
minho: and i seriously hope you wouldn't either because no good person would do that
chan: oh no don't worry, i definitely would not
chan: no offense
minho: none taken <3
hyunjin: okay so welcome everyone to this group chat! :D
changbin: can we just take a moment of appreciation for hyunjin?
jeongin: he's just trying to be a Good Host but everyone keeps spouting unnecessary bullshit all around
jeongin: we appreciate you hyunjin <3
hyunjin: then why are you still talking over me
hyunjin: bitch
chan: don't call him a bitch!!!
hyunjin: no i meant more like bitch in general! i was just cussing at the situation, not at him!
chan: okay...
hyunjin: so anyway :)
hyunjin: You Know My Name, Not My Story
jisung: does that mean we're doing introductions?
hyunjin: Yes. Introductions :)
chan: we've barely been here five minutes and jisung already understands hyunjin better than i do
changbin: in your defense, he's a very weird boy
changbin: i don't think anyone truly understands him
jisung: uhh i think what he said was very obvious
seungmin: yeah what else would he be talking about?
changbin: you know my name, not my story ≠ we're doing introductions now
felix: omg how did you get that sign???
felix: ≠
felix: look i just copy pasted it!
changbin: sTOP QUESTIONING ME i don't even kNOW YOU GUYS
hyunjin: changbin, you know this! they're our new step siblings
chan: wait... it's probably way too late to say this but me and minho aren't married
hyunjin: the jury has considered your plea and found it irrelevant
hyunjin: so with that said, let's do the introductions! :)
hyunjin: i can go first if no one else wants to?
jeongin: you can and you will
jeongin: this is already taking too long
felix: ominous...
hyunjin: okay my name's hwang hyunjin! a junior and an art major
hyunjin: spare time model but that's not relevant
seungmin: then why did you say it?
felix: hey i've heard about you!
jisung: oh yes
jisung: i have also Heard about him :)
minho: oh ffs
chan: ...why did that sound so much more ominous when jisung said it?
jisung: it's not ominous! i was just making a joke!
changbin: so you haven't actually heard of him?
jisung: no no, i have heard of him
changbin: ??? then what was the joke
seungmin: lmao
jisung: i can go next!
changbin: please do and explain yourself?
changbin: because i am confusion???
jisung: okay, i'm han jisung, also a 3rd year art major
hyunjin: omg why i haven't i met you before? :o
jisung: i don't know what you look like
jisung: tbh we've probably met ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
hyunjin: omg!
jisung: so anyway, fun fact, i'm deaf!
jisung: if you're uncomfortable then Perish :)
chan: jisung... what
minho: thanks hannie, we appreciate your contribution
jisung: anytime! <3
jisung: and that's what the joke was
jisung: i said i have HEARD about him
changbin: ooooh okay
felix: hi hello i guess i'll go next...
felix: i'm lee felix, also 3rd year, my major is computer science!
felix: my birthday is one day after jisung's!
felix: and seungmin's birthday is exactly one week after mine!
changbin: oh damn, triplets
seungmin: should i go next then?
felix: uhm yeah i kinda started your introduction by saying your birthday already
seungmin: ok cool
seungmin: kim seungmin in the building! 3rd year, major in photography
seungmin: so yeah we are all of minho's children
minho: you three are not my children
jisung: gASP
felix: this is not okay minho, you can't keep treating us like this
minho: what did i DO???
seungmin: reclaim us as your children, or else...!
minho: what the fuck okay fine
minho: i guess i'm sorry for (accidentally) disowning you (again)
seungmin: thanks dad <3
jisung: thanks papi <3
felix: thanks daddy <3
minho: nvm i take it back, you're not my children anymore
minho: anyway i'll introduce myself before this gets even worse
minho: i'm lee minho, turning 22 this year and NOT anyone's father
minho: (except for my cats because they're my babies)
minho: i graduated last year and am in vet school now
hyunjin: omg that's so cool!
changbin: hyunjin stop saying "omg" challenge FAILED
hyunjin: well well well
hyunjin: since you spoke up, it's your turn for introductions, bitch
chan: can you STOP cussing so much???
hyunjin: and then i said "yes"
hyunjin: you know, like a liar
jisung: joHN MULANEY!
hyunjin: YES!!!
changbin: okay whatever
changbin: i'm seo changbin, 21, senior, major in music
changbin: at some point i met these three idiots (chan, hyunjin, jeongin) and they haven't left me alone since :/
hyunjin: good job!
hyunjin: jeongin, your turn
jeongin: and then i said "yes". you know, like a liar
hyunjin: stop using my own words against me!
jeongin: fine whatever
jeongin: yang jeongin, sophomore, major in education cause i wanna be a teacher
minho: they let actual babies teach other babies? :o
jeongin: i'm not a baby! >.<
hyunjin: the smiley you just used would like to disagree
changbin: hey guys
changbin: not to interrupt but there's still one person left
minho: fine then, we'll let chan have a turn :/
chan: thanks???
chan: so anyway
chan: i'm bang chan and i think i've met everyone in this chat before?
chan: but yeah i also graduated last year, i'm turning 23 and i'm dating minho
chan: apparently you're all my children now
minho: ??? i can't even claim my own 3 kids, and now you're claiming ALL of them???
minho: what is this, capitalism???
felix: omg
jisung: he acknowledged us!
seungmin: we've been validated!
felix: thank you, parental figure!
minho: you're welcome, problem child
chan: well that's great
chan: i'm looking forward to getting to know everyone here!
changbin: i'm not but i'll stick around for the drama
jeongin: lmao same
hyunjin: ...you guys are so predictable
hyunjin: but i still don't regret making this chat :)
felix: don't worry, just give it a week!
seungmin: yeah the regret should set in soon
hyunjin: well that's ominous!
hyunjin: thanks, i'm terrified!