Archive of Our Own

“Spill.”

It’s only fair he thinks. Sakura took the time out of her day just to come here, sit with him inside the bustling cafeteria, and talk. He texted her because there was no way he could keep all these thoughts bottled up, jumbled together, entangled and unrecognizable.

His face scrunches up, does this funny thing where it seems like he’s in pain when he’s really just thinking and he can hear Sakura sigh.

“Naruto…”

She’s interrupted by a small hand incessantly tugging on Narutos jeans. The chubby fingers claw at the material, try to find purchase so the 4-year-old can climb in his lap. Naruto schools his expression as much as possible and leans down.

“What is it, sweetheart?”

The girl’s bottom lip is jutting out, wobbling slightly. No tears, please. Naruto scrambles to lift Sarada and place her where she apparently wants to go but as soon as she’s sitting in his lap, the little fiend shakes her head, grabbing onto Naruto's arms to turn around and straddle him. Looking into his eyes and her gaze is so intense Naruto has to suppress the urge to avert his eyes.

“Why you sad?”

Sarada’s little nose is scrunched up, her eyebrows drawn in. She looks like an angry chipmunk and Naruto chuckles lowly despite the serious intent behind those adorable features.

“Uncle ‘Ruto!”, she exclaims. Naruto can hear Sakura giggle quietly. At least one of them is having fun while he tries his best to meet the imploring gaze he’s subjected to. That child’s going to be the death of him.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m not laughing. Why do you think I’m sad, Sarada?”

She’s frowning now, crossing her arms in front of her chest like she’s seen her mother do whenever her dad does something wrong or mum is not pleased with the tidiness of her room.

“You eyes.”

What?

Naruto is not able to contain the surprise and the small grin he managed to maintain until now slips off his face. His eyes? What does she mean by that? He meets Sakura's gaze, helplessly searching for any advice. His throat is suddenly too dry and his vocal cords don’t seem to recall how they function so all he manages is a croaked “Huh?”, making the girl in his lap rather furious.

“You eyes, uncle ‘Ruto! They stop shining!”

And she’s on the verge of tears now. Great. Just great. Naruto swallows, forcing down the confusion and focussing on his smile. He needs to smile, he always does. He’s sure it’s crooked and strained, but that’s all he’s going to manage.

Thankfully Sakura chimes in.

“Come on sweetie”, she says, reaching for her daughter and making her stand on the ground again: “You promised to let me talk to uncle Naruto, didn’t you?”

The pout is back but now it’s not the teary one anymore. Sarada is angry and probably about to throw a fit in about two seconds and-

“I promise you I’ll find out why he’s sad, okay? And I’ll help him be happy again.”

Sarada shifts her gaze, glancing between Naruto and Sakura, assessing her mother as if trying to determine whether she can trust her with her uncles’ heart. Then she huffs and deflates. It’s oddly similar to what Sakura does when ending a discussion, she can’t win.

“Okay…”

It sounds defeated. Naruto wants to cuddle her. To wrap himself around that small body, relish in her warmth and scent and the soft way she melts into him whenever he holds her close. It’s selfish but then again it’s not. She’d be enjoying it, too.

He can’t do that now though because no matter her age, that girl is too smart for her good and she would know. She’d know he’s too sad to be appeased by adult words alone. And he cannot help but smile, watching this tiny girl arguing with her mother, insisting on ‘Me, too.’ and ‘You promise?’.

Tears are burning behind his eyes because-

He’s got it all. He does. Still-

Isn’t it ironic that tears tickle when they fall?

Sarada walks away, Sakura fixes him with a look and he starts talking.

xXx

It’s Friday night and Naruto got off his shift at the bar a few minutes ago. He’s sweaty and tired and not really in the mood to dance and party but Kiba texted him to wait and because he’s the best friend someone could ever wish for, Naruto nurses his beer, trying to unwind while waiting for Kiba and hoping the guy doesn’t even attempt to get him laid tonight.

“You okay?”

It’s an unfamiliar voice and Naruto isn’t even sure they’re talking to him but he forces a smile onto his face and nods absentmindedly, not even trying to look at the person. It seems they didn’t need more because it’s silent afterward. Well, silent is a long shot because there’s still overwhelmingly loud music and people chatting all around him. Somewhere a girl is yelling loud enough for Naruto to understand parts of her complaining and he feels for that guy standing in front of her. She’s not someone to mess with apparently. Naruto flinches when her head turns to him and hurries to look down, clawing at his glass of beer that’s nearly empty. He didn’t even recognize he’d started watching them.

On a normal day, Naruto enjoys going out. He likes to have fun with his friends, relishes in the way he can make them happy but lately, he’s been a bit down and more introverted than usual. Of course, people don’t know because if there’s one thing Naruto’s good at its faking a smile but he cannot pretend in front of his closest friends.

He sighs and knocks back the rest of his beer, deciding he waited long enough and if Kiba isn’t here by now, there’s no need to wait any longer. He’s tired, his eyes are itching and burning because of the artificial smoke-thing they do on the dancefloor and he just wants to go home. Tomorrow he will call his best friend and apologize. Kiba knows him well enough to understand, no harm done.

Maybe he should text him again, just to be sure the guy didn’t get lost like the last time he tried to get to the bar on his own.

‘Gonna head home. Need directions?’

While waiting for an answer, Naruto grabs his wallet, jacket and automatically shifts out of the way when a girl moves past him. He doesn’t look at her, just sidesteps on instinct causing him to bump into someone sitting on the bar stool that’s been next to him all the time.

“Sorry”, he mumbles, holding up a hand and waving casually in apology, still not looking up but-

“Sorry is not going to cut it.”

Naruto freezes. And he’s going to deny it is because of the voice afterward, blaming it on being tired and not able to make good decisions but he turns and lifts his gaze just to be looking straight into eyes that would probably be black under normal circumstances but reflect the lights coming from the dancefloor in such a mesmerizing way it’s…

“Cat got your tongue, blondie?”

He swallows thickly, trying to get his brain to work again, following the thin eyebrow that’s lifting now and trying to suppress the urge to back up a step. He’s not going to be intimidated by a guy with a smooth and deep voice he bumped into just because that man is handsome and confident and watching his every move and-

“Naruto!”

Kiba slaps him on the back and Naruto leans forwards, coughing, effectively out of the daze he'd been in for the last moments.

“Dog breath!”, he shouts back, whirling around and ignoring the rude guy for a second because he’s got a best friend to deal with who’s kind of helped him by being annoying but he doesn’t need to know that: “I told you I’m on my way home.”

Kiba grins sheepishly and shrugs, lifting both of his hands and trying to look so innocent it makes Naruto suspicious.

“What?”, he barks, getting into Kiba's space and regaining that comfortable stance he’s lost there for a while.

Kiba shrugs again, looking like a lost puppy.

“I don’t know man, I just hoped I could convince you to stay.”

Great.

Not that he still wants to go, there’s-

“Naruto, huh?”

Yeah. That guy.

Naruto rolls his eyes and nods at the bar which Kiba takes as the invitation it is and scurries away, probably about to get a drink for Naruto and himself to trap his best friend a little longer.

When he turns around again, Mr. ‘Sorry isn’t enough’ has his arms crossed looking every bit the bratty child he seems to be caged in that broad-shouldered gorgeous body of his. It’s no secret Naruto is attracted to men and women both so he does appreciate the fine features seemingly clashing with the venomous masculinity the man exudes.

“Leave it, Sasuke”, a new voice chimes in, a female voice that’s vaguely familiar but the music is still booming and Naruto can’t be sure so he keeps looking at those eyes and the thin lips, the frown etched deeply into a face that’d probably be really beautiful if it wasn’t drenched in repressed anger and distaste.

The guy, Sasuke apparently, doesn’t react to the female voice, causing her to whine and Naruto to cringe. It stings and he wants to go or cover his ears but he doesn’t because he’s not an asshole. Not like that Sasuke-guy right there.

A redhead appears behind him, two arms wounding around his shoulders, and Sasuke is not amused. Naruto chuckles lowly, his hand in front of his mouth when the girl pulls Sasuke backward, against her breasts and it’s obvious the guy doesn’t appreciate her close to him. He’s growling and Naruto finds it funny. He relaxes his stance and watches as the handsome grumpy stranger starts scolding the girl, wriggling out of her grip and looking so much angrier than before Naruto is just waiting for him to pop a vein.  Not that he can’t understand how uncomfortable the guy feels.

Karin, the redhead if Naruto heard correctly, is not letting go, tightening her arms around Sasuke and pressing herself to his back, talking about what a great night they’ve been having until now and how he should contain his jerkiness for at least one night so they come off as decent people for once and then digresses into talking about her making it up to him later on.

She’s drunk. Obviously.

Naruto deduces she’s Sasuke's girlfriend, seeing as she seems to be rather confident in their proximity. The fog inside his mind doesn’t let him search for any different reasons.

Sasuke pulls a face as if he’s about to vomit. Either he’s drunk, too or he-

The music switches and Naruto grins. He throws one look over his shoulder, seeing as Kiba’s not back yet and shaking his head slightly when he sees his best friend flirting with his co-worker at the bar. Well, that means more time for Naruto to shake things up a little. Bastard right here needs a new girlfriend and has been just unfriendly enough for Narutos tired brain to encourage something as dumb as this.

“Hey, hey, you – yeah”, he begins, moving his hips and shamelessly pointing at Sasuke while he sings along to the song. Karin ignores him, still talking and Sasuke doesn’t seem to pay attention either but it’s just starting.

“I don’t like your girlfriend. No way, no way! I think you need a new one.”

Sasuke looks up and his eyes widen momentarily.

“What the…”

He freezes and Karin clings to him even more, using his momentary cease of struggle to secure her hold around his shoulders again.

Naruto steps forward, not caring that he’s entering Sasuke's personal space now, too. He’s about to make a point, so him leaning in with every word, accentuating the meaning even more and enjoying the slight tremor he sees on Sasuke's lips, is totally justified. Well, according to his sleep-deprived brain at least.

“Hey, hey, you – yeah.”

He’s really close now, he can even smell the whiskey on Sasuke's breath. His eyes are shifting to those thin lips, pressed together so tightly they appear to be bloodless.

“I could be your girlfriend.”

He smirks and winks, mouthing the words, whispering them, and immediately retreating afterward. It’s better because Sasuke throws Karin off for real now, the girl squawking indignantly, and stands up, face balled up in anger again. But Naruto’s ready this time, forbidding himself from getting distracted by those eyes, these lips, the faint smell of burnt oranges wafting off the guy and-

“No.”

Huh? His face must show his confusion because Sasuke leans back, a victorious grin plastered on his face. How does that guy compose himself this fast?

“I said no.”

Naruto is at a loss. What does he mean? Is he-

Wait.

Is he referring to the song? Oh.

“Alright, yeah, I get it”, Naruto raises both hands, shaking his head slightly implying another apology: “You don’t want me to be your girlfriend because I’m not a girl, right?”

Teasing is so much fun now because Sasuke tries so hard to keep his face impassive, but the strain is obvious and Naruto loves it, ignoring the deadpan “No” he gets again. He’s not done yet.

“I’m a boy, so I’d be your boyfriend! How’s that sound to you?”

Funny how the guys face betrays his emotions so much more than he thinks it does. Naruto knows because he’s good at reading people. Sasuke might fool anyone else but not Naruto. Not now.

“No.”

This time it’s different. It’s less shaky, more clipped. Naruto might have gone too far because Sasuke is turning around, grabbing his things, and trying to leave. That’s a win, right? So why doesn’t it feel like one? Narutos stomach is in knots and he wants to say something, wants to make Sasuke stay despite not knowing why and-

“Alright, alright, princess. Never mind.”

Really? Thanks, brain.

Naruto hangs his head in shame when all he’s getting out is some snippy reply that’s not going to make the guy talk to him again and he thinks Sasuke to be gone already when there’s this deep voice. Again so smooth, it’s unfair for someone so jerky. Not that Naruto’s been an angel today. Or ever.

“For the record: She’s not my girlfriend and never will be.”

What? What’s that supposed to mean?

Sasuke's friends leave after him and Naruto’s staring into space, trying, and failing, to process what has happened right now.

And then there’s Kiba.

“Hey! Sorry for the delay. There’s been this girl and I gotta say, she’s something else. I mean, like…”

Naruto drowns it out, takes the drink Kiba brought, and knocks it back without even looking at it, making his best friend pause.

“Naruto? You alright?”

Yeah. He doesn’t know either.

xXx

“Sounds adventurous. When was that?”

Naruto smiles, small and wavering, but he does.

“Two weeks ago.”

While the tears are gone, he still feels that tickling on his cheeks and he knows it’s not over. There’s more to come and it’s burning him up. Naruto takes a long breath, breathes in and in and in until-

“You should forget about it.”

He deflates and shuffles his feet. It’s not like he didn’t know that before. Naruto sighs and rubs his eyes with the heel of his hands.

“Why is this such a mess, all of it?”, he whines, sheepishly glancing at Sakura and wincing at the look of pity on her face. He’s pathetic and he knows it but what can he do, really? There’s no way to tell his stupid heart what to feel and despite the logical part of his brain telling him to let it go and stop agonizing over someone clearly not worth it, the other, unfortunately much noisier and more convincing part screams for him to pursue. Pursue someone he doesn’t even know a teeny tiny thing about. A chance encounter riling him up like this is ridiculous but-

“Calm down, Naruto.”

It’s like he held his breath all the time his mind’s been whirring. Sakuras voice is clear and strong and so familiar it soothes his nerves and he stops clenching his fists watching the colour of his skin normalize slowly while he breathes. And that’s all he does for a few minutes. Sitting there, in a bustling cafeteria on campus with his best friend next to him, her hand warm and reassuring on his upper arm. His hands are in his lap and he’s breathing. Just breathing.

“Okay, there we go…”

He doesn’t even question the gentleness in her voice.

“You shouldn’t mess with assholes like that. You’re only gonna hurt yourself. It’s- “, her sigh sounds heavy when she exhales and her shoulders sag.

Naruto chuckles lowly.

“Been there, done that. Not gonna stop me.”

Her smile is painful for both of them.

“I know.”

There’s a pause. Silence filled with Sarada’s laughter wafting over from the playground and Naruto staring into the void, fingers fidgeting. There’s that burning behind his eyes again but he’s not going to give in this time.

“So…”, Sakura starts, refusing to look at him and he’s thankful for it: “That’s not the end of the story, right? What happened next?”

She knows him far too well.

xXx

It’s Saturday and Naruto’s exhausted. He didn’t even get two hours of decent sleep, courtesy of the newly developed construction site about two minutes down the road. The sun was already rising when he got home so as soon as his head hit the pillow he was out. Dreaming crazy nonsense about bastards and drinks and all in all not sleeping well but he was sleeping until that wonderful human being leading the construction decided six in the morning would be the best time to start making noise. And Naruto is used to noise. A lot of it, actually since he is the main source most of the time but this-

Groaning he shoves his face back into the pillow trying to ignore the headache making itself known rather insistently and his brain being much more awake than should be legal after roughly one and a half hours of sleep. What is wrong with him? Or the world? Or his life?

Whatever.

Naruto rolls on his bed until he is on his back and can reach for his phone, only to drop it immediately when all that greets him are missed calls and supposedly urgent texts from none other than Kiba. Kiba, that had left yesterday or better this morning, to get laid with that insanely hot girl or whatever he called her. Naruto didn’t really care, he wanted to go home. Kiba, that decided it wasn’t worth a second glance when his friend left the bar and apparently only got aware of him missing when Naruto was already more or less blissfully passed out.

Tough luck, dog breath.

Not bothering to answer Kiba, Naruto does the only sensible thing: he takes a shower, effectively waking up the parts of his brain still in snooze mode and immediately getting back to the incident with the handsome stranger. The stranger with such a deep voice Naruto shivers and involuntarily imagines what it’d sound like when he meant it. Would it go even deeper? Or would it just get rougher, raspier, huskier? What would a moan sound like out of-?

Stop.

Naruto abruptly cuts off the warm water supply to clear his head and defend himself against the raging, better not existing anymore, erection that had formed. Damn it. He has to distract himself. There is nothing special about a guy being a jerk in a bar to Naruto, he gets that all the time, behind the bar, and even more in front of it, when nobody knows who he is and depends on him to get their drinks. People can be rude and insensitive and all that doesn’t faze Naruto under normal circumstances. Just…

What is it about those eyes that held him captive, motivated him to provoke the asshole even further and get into his face, make him leave, and then have the nerve to feel disappointed about it. What right did he have to be down about the man leaving? Or dismissing him with that last sentence. It is infuriating and he is thinking about the same thing again and he needs to stop.

Distraction.

Naruto steps out of the shower and takes the best he gets when his phone goes off again. Kiba it is then.

“Hey sleepyhead, you alive?”

Why is his voice so loud and why does that dog sound energetic like that? It should be illegal to be awake before ten in the morning and be happy about it.

His only response is a grunt.

“Oh alright, I see. Want me to come over, games and guitars and all that?”

Another grunt and then Naruto rubs his temples and sighs in defeat.

“Sure. Door’s open.”

Maybe playing games and jamming with Kiba would get him to relax and stop thinking about something he doesn’t even care about. Really, he doesn’t. That guy can do whatever he pleases to and it isn’t Narutos business whether he is polite about it or not. He should move on already. It is nothing.

But it was. And it is.

Because it got personal.

That guy shot his venom into Naruto’s heart with such precision it could very well be deadly. He’s dangerous. Naruto’s treacherous heart decides to skip a beat at that thought.

Great.

Hopefully, Kiba arriving to lift him does its job and prevents him from analysing his late-night encounter any more. There’s no need and no time.

Naruto doesn’t talk about the club the entire time Kiba’s over. They order take-out and play video games and Naruto lets Kiba win and they shove each other until they roll on the floor, laughing. It’s fun. It’s making Naruto feel better. He can breathe properly and his mind feels less fuzzy and occupied and it's fun.

Kiba tells him about the girl he met and describes every curve he found on her in blatant detail, far more than needed but Naruto lets him because he’s bisexual and it reminds him of his own new opportunity to conquer an uninviting person, something he enjoys immensely but thoughts concerning those midnight eyes are out of the question, so Naruto asks for more details about Kibas girl and he readily indulges him.

By the time they have eaten and made the whole living room a mess because Naruto won the last racing game and Kiba is a sore loser pouncing him without much of a warning and making them entangle on the hardwood floor trying to dominate each other bodily to determine the real winner and the real cheater (That’s what Kiba said at least.), they are panting and slapping each other nonchalantly, both of them grinning like the idiots they are.

Naruto’s mood is successfully lifted and he feels buzzed. His blood rushes through his veins thrumming and humming and making him flushed. It feels good and right and his brain works in overdrive.

“How about we write a song, Kibs?”, he asks, reaching for the water bottle that almost rolled under the sofa during their fight. Kiba nods and hums approvingly.

“Not like it’d be the first.”

And he’s right.

They might not be musicians and their talent might be average but ever since they’ve been able to hold a guitar, they dreamed together. Of rocking somebodies’ world with a song they wrote, with emotions, they poured into words they didn’t have when standing in front of that someone. Those dreams were so vivid, it makes Naruto grin goofy and tuck at Kiba's wrist.

“C’mon dog breath. Time to get a few things outta my system.”

Kiba huffs and follows.

The distraction works and the song is not their best but it gets Naruto going.

He doesn’t think about Sasuke once.

Until-

“You got a cigarette for me?”, Kiba asks, rousing his friend from a music-induced rush and making him blink rapidly. It looks stupid and Kiba clucks his tongue, snickering.

“Huh?”

“Cigarettes? Where?”, he jiggles the lighter in his right hand, trying to get Naruto to understand and his blue eyes follow the motion, getting less dull by the second, when-

“Oh, sure!”, he speaks finally: “The jacket I wore to work yesterday?”

Kiba nods, already starting up on his way.

“In the left pocket, I think. Go wild.”

There’s a mocking salute and then Kiba disappears around the corner, leaving Naruto to the music and the pounding in his head. Maybe he should’ve taken a painkiller after all.

He’s ready for a smoke himself when Kiba returns.

He’s not ready for the smug grin and the slip of paper dangling from his friend's calloused hands.

Naruto’s eyebrows furrow and he nods his head upwards in question.

“You sly fox, Naruto!”, Kiba exclaims, waving the paper slip around, not giving Naruto a single moment to process where that thing might’ve come from and what is written on it. Could be an old grocery list for all Naruto knows.

Hope dwindles fast when he sees the hearts in Kibas eyes, figuratively.

“What is that shit, Kiba?”, he demands, holding one hand out and receiving a displeased grunt and the wrinkled piece of paper.

“You’re no fun! You know what we could’ve done with that? I mean someone obviously- “

Naruto drones him out, focussing on the neat handwriting, the elegant lines mocking him and reminding him and-

Naruto swallows hard.

He doesn’t have a clue when and how that happened but what he’s got in hand now is a phone number. And not any phone number at that. It’s Sasuke's.

xXx

Sakura is positively beaming now and Naruto honestly doesn’t know what to make of it. Just a few minutes ago she was all defensive and arguing for him to leave it and now her eyes convey nothing but unadulterated excitement. The squealing teenage girl on hormones type. Naruto is at a loss. His best friend bounces on her seat, inching closer to him, bumping her knee into his and she probably would have climbed into his lap at this point weren’t it occupied already. Thankfully.

During his storytelling, Sarada had decided she had more fun solving the jigsaw puzzle laid out in front of her and Naruto right now than running around an indoor playground. Coincidentally her warmth and weight gave Naruto the confidence to go on, reminiscing the weekend two weeks ago, not looking at Sakura and choosing to absentmindedly watch Sarada while talking.

The girl is really good at what she’s doing and as the silence stretches between the adults, Sakura waiting for more insight into the budding love story she just got attached to, Naruto is busy shifting her slightly so his leg doesn’t fall asleep, reaching for the piece she searches for and handing it to her, only for his hand to be slapped away with a frown. Such an angry chipmunk.

Once she realizes Naruto won’t go on with the story, Sakura clears her throat and sits up a little bit, her cheeks tinted the faintest pink. Narutos grin is lopsided when he turns to look at her for a second.

“So…did you call him?”

Naruto huffs and shakes his head.

Obviously not.

“...no?”

He can see her breathing in and his mind supplies countless questions and berating to come so he interrupts her before she can even start on her emotional rampage about chances and not giving up on something possibly life-altering and beautiful.

“And why would I?”

His eyes are hard when he looks at her and she gulps.

“You really want to tell me he’s a genuinely nice guy? That I misunderstood? Really?”

No. No, she doesn’t. Her gaze shifts to the ugly cafeteria floor and her shoes make a squeaking noise when she moves them too harshly.

Her mouth opens and closes a few times until she shakes her head and forces a smile to greet him when she looks up.

“No. No, you shouldn’t call him and I’m proud of you. Your heart’s been broken more than enough times already.”

His gaze goes soft at that and he knows she knows there’s no way he can really let it go but at least he doesn’t actively push it? If that’s any consolation at all.

“What about last weekend then?”

Trying to change the subject causes Naruto to groan because all it does is enforce the previous topic of conversation. Sakuras eyebrows lift and there’s a crease between her eyes now. She’s irritated and waiting.

“Naruto…”

“I tried, okay? I really did. But I’m weak and a guy and…”

“What the- “, she splutters, narrowly avoiding something she would’ve regretted saying in front of her daughter. Her voice is much lower and breathier when she continues. Somehow it’s even scarier as her pupils dilate and make her eyes a green storm.

“Spill. All of it. Now.”

xXx

One week after meeting Sasuke and finding that offending string of numbers in his jacket, Naruto is back at the bar. This time the music doesn’t bother him, on the contrary, he’s enjoying it. Swaying to the sounds, closing his eyes and letting the bass drums take over his body. He moves and dances and throws his head back because it’s relaxing to be free like that but the excitement buzzing through his veins isn’t enough to make him forget.

The piece of paper is still present. It’s sitting in his jeans pocket now, mocking him because why did he even bother to bring it with him when all he set out to do today is finding someone to hook up with? Naruto knows it’s not the best decision in life he ever made and he knows it’s probably not going to be any good because he’s a very emotional guy and having sex without feeling anything for the other person involved? Not something he ever did before or even had the urge to. It’s just the only thing he could think of to make his brain shut up about that bastard of a dark-haired stranger that keeps popping up whenever he decides he should take care of himself. And Naruto refuses to think of that man like that. He is not that weak. He isn’t.

Except he is.

And that’s exactly why he doesn’t mind the lithe body grinding into him right now, arms raised, loosely looping around his neck, hips rolling in sync to the beat of the music. It’s exhilarating, he does have to give the guy credit. And he’s handsome. All pale skin, showing off on his arms and legs and his stomach, exposed due to his crop top. There’s even a piercing there if Naruto is not mistaken. And the guy is warm. His body heat infuses with Narutos and it feels great to be part of that. To feel his breath on his neck and his fingertips on his scalp, slowly drawing circles and making it just that much more apparent how far gone he is.

Naruto doesn’t want to take advantage and he knows he wouldn’t because Sai, as he introduced himself about an hour ago, does very much consent to getting it on with him, did even joke about him not being capable of satisfying him when Naruto refused an immediate romp, preferring to at least get to know each other a little bit.

Well. Getting to know the way their bodies move together on a dance floor is more like it because Naruto doesn’t know a thing about the man in front of him except for his appearance. And that’s a sight to behold. The guy is tall and lean and muscled and Naruto loves the way his smooth skin feels under his hands when he guides his hips and swirls them around. Sais' short black hair and the way colourful lights reflect in his eyes resembling something Naruto wants to forget, make it easy for him to project. Naruto doesn’t even notice it at first. There’s this image in the back of his mind and he keeps pushing it away but it’s persistent. That smirk, that frown. Effortlessly painted on the rather emotionless face in front of him.

And when he realizes, Naruto freezes.

It takes a few seconds until Sai catches on and when he looks at Naruto, eyebrows up in his hairline, concerned and confused, there’s nothing he can do except shake his head and back off.

There’s no use. Apparently there really is no way he can escape this. Not even physically distracting himself works. Okay, it probably is a dumb idea to try and erase the memory of a guy with someone resembling him in such a strikingly obvious way. And it certainly isn’t the smartest thing to attempt a hook up to evade an offer for a hook up. But nobody ever said Naruto is a smart person, right?

And now here he is, making things awkward with a perfectly willing guy he was totally ready to ravish tonight.

He’s a fucking hypocrite and cringes upon the sheepish smile he sends Sais way but he can’t help it. There’s a new number on his phone now and he might call him up again but Naruto knows it’s never going to be the way Sai wants it to be. Not after tonight, not after all these thoughts and memories and this stupid asshole turning up whenever Naruto so much as glances at dark pools gone hazy with alcohol, arousal, and something much deeper Naruto doesn’t want to think about.

He’s a mess and a nightmare and-

“I’m sorry.”

He mouths the words more than he speaks them over the loud music but Sai seems to understand nonetheless. He doesn’t even look disappointed, just shrugs and waves and leans in, so his lips brush Narutos ear and he shouts something that makes Narutos breath hitch and toes curl without his permission.

“Whoever it is, better treat you right.”

Naruto stares and Sai winks and then he’s turning around, an insult on his lips that breaks Naruto out of his stupor and makes him slap the guy on his ass for good measure.

“Dickless after all.”

There’s a smile creeping on his face, that doesn’t belong but Naruto is more than thankful for.

xXx

He rips the offending paper slip to shreds the second he leaves the club, shattering all hope and telling himself over and over again that it’s the best course of action he could’ve taken. He cannot fall for the wrong guy again. And the more people step onto the tiny pieces on the ground, making them wet and dirty and having them blend in with all the other trash littering the sidewalk in front of the club, the better he feels about his decision.

Time to forget about a rude man and his midnight eyes and the unmistakable feeling of dread washing over him whenever he thinks of the encounter.

Not this time.

Never again.

Naruto vows to himself to stay strong and independent and not make the same mistake again.

He leaves the number on the ground, a sinking feeling in his stomach he cannot explain and doesn’t want to explore any further.

“Goddammit!”

xXx

“Alright, that does it!”

Both Naruto and Sarada jump at the booming voice and more so the hand coming down on the table, jostling the almost finished puzzle. Sarada whines and grabs at Naruto's hand for him to steady the pieces. She hates when things get out of order.

“Quit it, Sakura”, he whispers. Or tries to as it’s more a yell than a whisper but Sakura understands and visibly struggles to get it together. Her shoulders are shaking and her lips are almost white with the force she uses to press them together. He didn’t think she’d be that angry.

He didn’t do anything wrong, did he?

Mentally listing the things, he told her, Naruto comes up with a blank. All he did was try to get laid and fail miserably because of a guy he doesn’t even know and frankly doesn’t want to get to know. Not after that hazard of a first impression.

So he watches how Sakura seethes and fumes and slowly unclenches her fists, breathing more deeply and making himself tense up even more with the determination in her eyes when she reaches for her daughters’ toys, starting to pack up.

“What are you doing? Where are you going? Sakura?”

She doesn’t look at him, just grabbing the jigsaw puzzle from a rather fiery Sarada who’d almost been finished and hides her face in Naruto's chest when her mother tries to reason with her. Sakura sighs heavily and closes the backpack containing all the toys.

Only then does she look at her best friend.

“You are coming with us tonight.”

Which doesn’t help at all because of …huh? It’s a regular weekday and Sakura and Ino are having a date night as far as Naruto knows because he’s supposed to watch Sarada and why would he be coming with them and where and does he even want to? Why doesn’t she ask if he wants to come?

Naruto rubs circles into Sarada's small back, more so to calm himself down than the temper driven child but no one needs to know that, right?

Except Sakura does because of course, she does.

“Take that little monster with you and follow me, will you?”

And he’s inclined to do just that because Sakura is scary when she wants to be and Naruto has no intention to face her wrath but he’s still very much confused and so he stands up, situating Sarada on his hip and holding her with one arm while he wraps his free hand around Sakuras wrist to make her pause and look at him.

Her eyes are narrowed and her nose is scrunched up and Naruto is scared now.

“What?”

He gulps.

“W-Well…”

Sakura crosses her arms and Narutos hand slides from her wrist, only to wrap itself around the child in his arms. She won’t harm him when he’s carrying her sulking daughter around, will she?

“Say what you want to say, Naruto.”

Yeah. As if that’s so easy when there’s green fire licking at your soul.

He shifts Sarada again, to balance her weight better and focuses on a point behind Sakura when he speaks, not at all embarrassed about his voice being small and feeble. It’s Sakura after all.

“What about uh…your date night? And the…uh…tomorrow? We all gotta work tomorrow, so…uh…”

“Naruto.”

“And I don’t know why you insist on me coming with you because uh…isn't that weird, I mean…uh…”

“Naruto.”

“Like, there’s no way I’m gonna crush your quality time with Ino and uh…I don’t see where this is going and…I better shut up and…yeah.”

“Naruto…”

It’s more of a sigh than anything else but it sounds dejected and sad and so fond and-

Naruto closes his eyes and wills the stinging away. Enough tears for one day, he’s a grown-up.

“Just come home with us, okay? I’ll explain everything on the way. But there’s no use in you going home on your own right now and I’ll gladly sacrifice one night with my fiancé if it means I can make you feel better. It’s called friendship you know?”

He cannot help the tear escaping, hot and salty when he hears her say that. Naruto doesn’t ever ask for anything and Sakura berated him for that often enough but every time she acts on it it’s-

He’s so damn spoiled and he loves it.

So all he does is nod and sniffle a little, making Sarada look up and scrunch her nose in displeasure at seeing her beloved uncles’ eyes swimming in unshed tears. But she doesn’t talk, opting to sling her arms around his neck and bury herself against him instead. It makes the stinging worse and his chest tighten but it’s the best feeling ever.

xXx

“He’s such a soft boy and so caring and loving and…”

“I know, honey.”

“How? How does he always get trapped like that?”

“I don’t know…”

There are a sigh and a soothing hand on her shoulder.

“You know, Ino…I always thought he’d be the first one to be married and have kids. He’s a father in every aspect of his being.”

“Well, he’s trying to become a social worker for a reason…”

“Not the point!”

Ino raises her hands in surrender and Sakura sighs again, her shoulders sagging and the corners of her mouth drooping.

“Sorry.”

“No worries. I know you’re worried about him. I am, too.”

“I know.”

“So why did you bring him here?”

“Because he needs to move on. Desperately so.”

“You can’t force him to- “

“I know, okay?! I know… It’s just…”

The third sigh and by now Ino has had enough. She opens her arms and scoops Sakura up not caring about her half-serious protests of being much too old to be handled like that.

“I don’t care.”

It’s indisputable.

Sakura sighs a last time and snuggles in, keeping silent and watching Naruto build a castle out of wooden blocks together with their daughter.

Inos next try to get Sakura going is much more careful.

“So…what’s the plan?”

Still blunt as heck because she’s Ino but her voice is soft and her touch tender and gentle and-

Sakura shrugs.

“I wanted to take him with us tonight”, she admits.

Ino cocks her head to the side and hums.

“Poetry slam? You think that’s something he’d enjoy?”

Sakura actually manages a laugh at that.

“No. Not at all. But it keeps his mind occupied. And…”

She trails off and Ino grins. She knows exactly what her fiancé is playing at and there’s no way she will refuse her this.

All they want is for Naruto to be happy. And if that means dropping bombshells instead of hints, so be it.

“Alright. I’m in.”

“Sarada will be disappointed.”

“Nah. He’s gonna tuck her in and be back when she wakes up. I swear sometimes I’m jealous. It’s like she’s his not mine.”

Sakura chuckles lowly and Ino can hear the mirth in it, making her smile as well.

Everything’s going to be fine.

xXx

It’s a dingy room, sparely lit by candles on small tables, seemingly even darker because of the dark wooden furniture. But it feels homey and nice and Sakura loves the place so Naruto decides to seal his mouth shut and resign himself to his fate.

The women told him where they were about to go after he put Sarada to bed and he was less than amused because what were they thinking? Naruto isn’t into reading or literature, even the audio version of a book makes him fall asleep, so why do they think it to be a good idea dragging him to this event?

It’s a nice atmosphere, though, he’s got to give them that and the barkeeper mixing simple drinks is pretty convenient but what’s he supposed to do here? Naruto doesn’t care for poetry. He doesn’t even remember agreeing to accompany the girls.

Oh well.

He’s here now. No need to whine about something as simple as an evening out. It’s good for him, it gets his mind off the things they’ve been circling around for far too long now and Naruto feels sleepy, lulled into a dazed state by the slow trickle of words coming from the stage and the warm feeling of alcohol in his stomach. It’s alright. He’s going to survive this night and tomorrow will be a new day with new challenges including a monster of a headache if he doesn’t stop drinking now.

But that’s future Narutos problem.

Present Naruto walks back over to the table the girls occupy and sinks on an extra chair the staff got him. It’s boring.

Nothing is happening, even applause is sparse and in between, nothing major, no passion. It’s mind-numbing and sad and Naruto wants to go home.

“You alright?”

It’s Sakura's voice and Naruto forces a smile on his face, lifting his beer and taking a sip just for the sake of it. There’s no way he’s going to ruin this for either of his friends. So he drinks and watches and nearly drifts off. Everything is drowsy and hazy and his vision is blurred but suddenly-

“Girlfriend.”

A pause and the girl seems to struggle with the microphone until it makes a high pitched noise and the audience simultaneously groans.

“Sorry about that. I’ll start over, one sec.”

She clears her throat and Naruto is sure he can hear her shaky breath. Is it okay if he feels sorry about not caring while still not giving a shit about this stuff?

They wait a minute and the voice resumes, reading what’s written on a wrinkly piece of paper in her hand.

“Girlfriend. A term to determine what’s out of reach. Not because there wouldn’t be opportunities or offers. But because there’s no way the term girl will ever describe the person by my side. Hopefully. If the day comes, I am desperate enough to take a girl and be done with it, please remind me I determined myself to be none other than a notorious liar and therefore should stop throwing terms around I won’t ever mean. Girlfriend. A friend who is a girl. But isn’t that unnecessary information? A friend is a friend is a friend, no matter the gender or identity. And a partner is still the one you chose for yourself, regardless of their preference for pronouns. I guess labels like that never mattered to me because I stopped putting people into boxes the moment I decided to step out of mine. The heir. The second-born. The sweet and silent one. I am all that. I could be all that. Separately and all at once and so much more if I only choose to do so.

So why do I need to determine whether the person I love is distinguishably a girl or a boy and what if they’re none of it or both? Girlfriend. I don’t need one of those. I need someone beyond that, preferably able to handle my out of the box self and not determined to fit a term undeterred.”

That…was confusing. Naruto furrows his brow but doesn’t lift his head. He listens to Ino and Sakura whispering about the text, trying to find hidden meaning and the inspiration behind it but he thinks it’s rather simple and probably a bit too blunt to be called poetry but what does he know? He’s just a guest of a guest and not able or willing to judge anyone for anything.

The girl goes on, expressing a longing for someone unknown and Naruto feels like he knows parts of the text but ignores the feeling. Soon enough the girl thanks the audience and only tentative steps on the wooden stage and apprehensive silence remain.

Until there’s this voice again and Naruto gives himself a whiplash because he needs to see and see he does. There he is. Sasuke. Reciting something not he had written and when Sakura turns around to him and watches Narutos jaw go slack she seems to put two and two together, gaping at him like he’s gaping at Sasuke.

Naruto isn’t sure but he probably even drools. Possibly. Hopefully not.

When the text is finished, Naruto watches him go backstage and stay there. Gone is his boredom and though he wouldn’t ever admit it, he subconsciously scans the crowd in hopes of Sasuke emerging. He doesn’t. Of course, he doesn’t because he’s one of the artists and Sakura did explain in the beginning, that they would all stay hidden until the last one presented their text because they each read something one of the others had written and nobody wants to give anything away.

It’s smart.

And annoying.

Naruto suffers through love texts and attempts at social criticism that make him cringe. There are politically motivated texts and a strange poem about squirrels Naruto has no idea what the author's intention might have been for. It doesn’t matter. What does is the fact that the evening ends and he still hasn’t seen Sasuke again, didn’t even get to ask anyone which text has been his even though when he voices that thought, all he gets is a pointed look from Sakura and Ino shaking her head.

Yeah.

He supposes he suspects the girlfriend one as well but there’s no way to be sure unless-

Naruto jumps.

A hand on his shoulder makes him stop and turn around. The fingers are curling into his shoulder and they’re long and thin and Naruto doesn’t know who they belong to so the shudder causing goosebumps all over his arms is anything but a positive reaction.

His eyes seem to convey as much because the guy grins apologetically and lifts his hand immediately when Naruto faces him.

“You that barkeeper?”

Naruto doesn’t know what to answer. Yes, he does work at a bar. And yes, he is a barkeeper. But how should he know if he is the one this strange man is talking about? He crosses his arms in front of his chest and looks the guy up and down, stepping to the side when more people file out of the room and into the cool night air.

“Depends.”

Is it common to have teeth like that? When the man grins, it’s like a shark leering at him and Naruto closes his eyes for a second before shaking his head. He knows Sakura and Ino wait for him, having noticed he is no longer beside them and watching the scene from a few steps away. Enough to give them privacy but not enough for the strange to be creepy without facing consequences. Not that Naruto couldn’t defend himself, he just prefers knowing he isn’t alone and Sakura, Ino, and him have done that for each other since they first started going out years ago. Call him weak but it makes him feel better to know Sakuras punch will knock out anyone acting suspicious within mere seconds.

“If you are, I believe you’d like to meet our mutual grumpy, emotionally stunted friend.  He’s currently moping in the back because you had the audacity to decide on not calling him.”

Is he talking about-? No, that’s wishful thinking. But he seems to be talking about- And he does know him as a barkeeper which would mean he has been watching Naruto far longer than he thought. Long enough to know he’s been behind the bar, for the most part, that night before accidentally bumping into strangers and provoking them.

“Audacity?”

Wait, what was it the guy had been saying?

But he’s just shaking his obviously dyed hair, white moving from side to side and flicking his wrist in the direction of the backstage area.

“Just follow me.”

Naruto signals Sakura to call him in ten minutes.

This is their way of checking in and making sure nobody is trying to abduct or rape the other one. Or doing whatever else drunk, high, or simply psychopathic people might be doing to others. Just to be sure nobody tries to kill him.

He knows it’s probably not necessary because while he does not remember the name of the man leading the way behind the curtains, if he ever even gave it, Naruto is strangely calm and collected. An unusual state for him, especially looking at the past couple of weeks and his inconsistent sleep schedule.

Taking a deep breath and releasing it in a sigh, Naruto stuffs his hands in his pockets, gripping his phone and trying to think of something to say if it really is Sasuke awaiting him backstage.

And if it is…what does that guy want from him? He didn’t call, so there’s no miscommunication here, right? Not interested in playing games or getting dumped after doing the deed.

Naruto furiously shakes his head.

No. He’s not going to think about his. Baby steps, one of them at a time. First, he needs to find out where Mister White Shark is leading him and go from there.

xXx

It is Sasuke.

There is no mistaking these eyes and Naruto swallows dryly, suddenly hyper-aware of the situation they’re in and he almost grabs for the shark guy when he takes his leave because being alone with those midnight eternity promising voids of eyes is the most dangerous thing he ever experienced. They feel as if they burn a hole through his skin, watching him writhe and scream until they reach his core, inspecting nothing less but his soul.

Just to leave him feeling hollow when Sasuke lowers his gaze and fiddles with his fingers in his lap.

Great.

Silence.

Naruto hates being quiet for a long time, meaning more than two minutes at a time and this is going on for much too long already but there is nothing to talk about or rather too much and Naruto isn’t sure where to start.

His phone vibrates, grounding him and Naruto grips the device harder, ignoring the call because wouldn’t it be rude to accept it when no one talks in here? He doesn’t want to disturb the questionable balance they have going on.

But Sakura doesn’t give up.

Which is good, considering they made sure to establish a code to convey the message of danger or safety but Naruto is still frozen into place. His fingers won’t move and Sakura is calling a third time. If he doesn’t do anything now, she will be barging in and sent Sasuke flying.

Which is a much more tempting image than it should be.

“Go on, talk to your girlfriend.”

Sasuke's voice is gruff and dejected when he speaks and Naruto is startled enough to not react for a second until he fumbles with his phone, accepting the call, waiting for five seconds and ending it without saying a word to Sakura.

Instead, he’s looking at Sasuke.

“She’s…”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence when Sasuke's head whips around and his nostrils flare, eyes narrowed enough they seem like a night pitch black and brewing more than a thunderstorm.

“And you got a child?”

Sasuke is exasperated and Naruto is pretty sure to imagine it but he almost sounds hurt. But what could he have done to hurt Sasuke? They don’t even know each other and Sasuke keeps assuming things about him, not letting him answer. And where does that guy get his information from because he hasn’t even seen a glimpse of Sarada but knows about her? What is going on here? Handsome as he is, stalking is as far from sexy as Naruto can think a man to be.

“No, I…”

Just like that. Before Naruto get past the initial phrases, he’s cut off by an angry voice. And it’s making him angry, too. It’s frustrating to be dismissed like that. Sasuke is not even asking for things like a normal person would do, but judging and building walls Naruto doesn’t deserve.

“The nerve of you! Do you have any idea how I was feeling the past couple of weeks? Waiting for your call because I thought…I really thought you were…interested.”

His jaw tenses and he’s about to explode.

The nerve. Accusing him of leading a stranger on? Someone who started provoking him? Not giving him an ounce of trust but marching on, making him the culprit, losing himself in a version of reality that’s twisted enough to make Naruto nauseous. He’s clenching his fists again, hard enough to make his fingernails dig into his palms painfully. It keeps him grounded, even as a shadow passes over his features.

“But I…”

“And to think you only did it to receive better tips. Great job, really. I hope you enjoyed making me suffer.”

He really didn’t and it’s not fair. Naruto sees red and black and white-hot flashes and there is just so much he can do to contain his rage. Luckily his confusion and general exasperation win but inside he’s seething. And he starts to think it might be best if his inner demon took over for a minute here.

“What the…I didn’t…”

“What are you even doing here? You should be out there, tending to your little girl, kissing your girlfriend, living that perfectly stupid life of yours and…”

Naruto has had enough. He closes his eyes tightly and when he reopens them, fixing Sasuke with a glare, it’s like all he can see is bloody red paw prints all over the place.

“Would you keep your judgemental mouth shut for just a minute?”

Sasuke’s jaw drops.

“I…What are you thinking…?”

Naruto seizes the opportunity, moving closer to the guy chewing him out for something he didn’t even do a moment ago and looming closer, circling the man in measured steps, keeping his voice down. Dangerous and low and he can see the way Sasuke's lips tremble at the sound rumbling from his chest.

“Yeah, exactly. What am I thinking? Ever heard, you should never fall in love with the guy behind the bar? Because flirting with you is his job, liking you is his job?”

Not so say he did that. Not necessarily and not on purpose. He didn’t ever lead anybody on but it’s still a given not to take anything a barkeeper says for granted. Especially when it involves flirty smiles. He’s not going to allow Sasuke to get the higher ground here. This is his playground now and he doesn’t even care when the guy gasps and his eyes fill with tears.

Yeah. He can be the mean one, too. And he doesn’t want to hurt Sasuke, still, a stranger, deserving the benefit of the doubt. But making him suffer a little bit for that speech just now? Not too much, is it?

“You enjoy that? Twisting the knife?”

Narutos smile is feral at that. Feral turning bitter and Sasuke is rubbing at his eyes furiously while Naruto calms down visibly, watching the young poet and shaking his head slowly before answering in a much gentler voice. It’s like he’s burned all the vicious anger out and what’s left is nothing but exhaustion.

“No. To be honest, I don’t.”

Sasuke doesn’t say anything, just looking at him and Naruto feels it’s okay to go on: “But I’m done being judged by you without even allowing me to explain myself. Thanks for nothing, mate. I don’t even know you, but you seem to have figured me out.”

It sounds wrong and tastes like ash in his mouth but the words are out and he won’t take them back.

Naruto sets to leave but turns in the doorway. There’s one thing left to say.

“For the record: She’s not my girlfriend. And the little one’s not mine.”

Sasuke's eyes go wide.

xXx

There are muffled voices after the door falls shut behind Naruto. He can hear the guy from earlier, almost chanting. It sounds like he’s disappointed and confirmed something at the same time.

Naruto just breathes until Sasuke snaps, obviously fed up with something his friend said lowly enough for Naruto not to pick up on.

“I know, okay. I know. Bugger off!”

Naruto smirks, walking away, and wondering when Sasuke will find the phone number, sitting innocently on the author's vanity.

Oh, Sakura will kill him for sure.

But no harm in trying, right? Maybe, just maybe, this time it won’t end in tears.