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Genma was in his birthday suit on his birthday and the fact that this wasn’t the weirdest part about the situation made Raidou want to die a little instead. Or a lot but he figured that if he ended up dying anymore on the inside than he already was he might end up dead-dead and he had things he wanted to do in life y’know?
“So you guys came all this way and you’re not here to sign up for a time slot on my birthday sex marathon?” Genma moved the senbon stick to the other side of his mouth and took a sip of his coffee.
“We live in the same apartment building.” Ebisu reminded him, pushing his glasses up. Ebisu lived on the floor below Genma and Raidou lived on the floor above Genma. Normally, it made for great moments of friendship and camaraderie but other times, notably when one of them had multiple days off in a row and was able to transform into their off the clock personality that all adults remembered they had when they weren’t being good worker bees.
“And most importantly, does Tayuya know you’re trying to get birthday sex from everyone that you know?” Raidou asked. Tayuya and Genma had been dating for six months now, which was coincidentally around the time Tayuya had been freed from the last of her obligations of prisoner reform and was free to do whatever she wanted, which was apparently agreeing to go on a date with Genma.
Raidou didn’t exactly know what part of the ‘remember the fourteen year old girl that kicked our asses and almost murdered us a little over a decade ago and went to jail for a long time well turns out she and I have the same sense of humour and as a twenty five year old she’s pretty hot’ equation made Genma think that having a crush on her (at his age) and proceeding to ask her out was a good idea but he didn’t care. He wanted the best for his friend and felt that he was justified that a woman who made them reach the brink of death didn’t meet those standards.
“You’re acting like she wasn’t the one who suggested this so she could finally fuck Karin.” Genma drank more of his coffee as if it was totally normal to fuck two redhead Orochimaru followers (ex-followers? Not even the Hokage guard knew what the deal was since Orochimaru went off to play stay at home parent) as a birthday treat. “Ebisu, didn’t you once say that you never look a gift threesome in the mouth? Here’s your chance buddy.” Genma patted his thighs and that was when Raidou and Ebisu had the sneaky suspicion that there was more than coffee with two sugars in that mug. Genma always had to be so overdramatic on his birthday, it must have been a side effect of being an only child.
“Yes but your girlfriend scares me.” It wasn’t a lie, Tayuya was scary even after prison reform. Karin on the other hand, he’d fuck Karin. Not to sound like a narcissist but glasses were sexy.
“I’m hurt Ebisu. What about me could possibly be scary?” Tayuya had come to the living room, presumably from the shower, her body and hair tied up in black bath towels and her flute hanging from her neck like a very heavy necklace. The image of Genma and her having sex and trying to make room for his senbon and her flute confused Ebisu. Logically, he knew that didn’t have sex with either of those things on their persons but logic also dictated that Genma would not be in his birthday suit on his birthday and judging by the fact that Tayuya was only in her towel, would be joining him in it as well.
“I thought you were going to show solidarity with me and wear your birthday suit too?” Genma frowned at her and then at his mug when he realized that he had finished his coffee.
“I’m not going to be naked in front of these two dirtbags.” Tayuya scoffed. Genma fixed her with a glare that reminded her that these were his friends and she didn’t have to like them but she was going to respect them like they respected her. “No offense. I had heard in the shower that you two weren’t here for the birthday sex marathon.”
Raidou sucked his teeth. “No one is going to sign up for a birthday sex marathon. That’s not the kind of thing that happens in real life. Only in the books Lord Sixth proudly reads and Ebisu pretends he doesn’t.”
“Hey!” Ebisu said. Some hobbies had to be kept to oneself, it was good for the soul.
“Raidou has a point. If you’re going to be a salacious degenerate then embrace it.” Tayuya snorted. “What?” she asked when she saw everyone looking at her. “Do you have any idea how many books they make you read in prison? You’d start reading the dictionary for fun too if you were in there for as long as I was.”
Genma got up from the couch and Raidou looked away because Genma had taken this birthday suit thing to the extreme. He wasn’t even wearing socks or his forehead protector. “Like always, my girlfriend makes a good point. Now, if you excuse me the two of us want to make it in time to Thunder Burger before they stop serving their breakfast menu.”
“I’ve been leaving those little comments in their suggestion box that they need to serve their honey bacon egg burger all day and they never listen!” Tayuya let her hair down from her towel and went to place it on the couch before Genma pointed her to the bathroom and told her that it needed to go on a towel rack. Tayuya rolled her eyes but did so anyway coming back to the living room with her body still wrapped around a towel and water droplets leaving a trail behind her as they fell from her hair which had only gotten longer in the decades since.
“You two seriously aren’t going to leave the house naked are you?” Raidou asked. He knew that Genma for as much as he liked to exaggerate his actions, was never the type to truly do something that would cost him his job or professional reputation.
“Watch me.” Genma said as he walked out the door and into the apartment hallway, Tayuya muttering the entire time about his ‘fat ass’ (which Ebisu did have to agree with and Raidou once again wanted to die on the inside because of) and turned on his heel and went back inside his apartment. “As you were saying?”
Raidou sighed. “Fine, it’s your birthday. Do whatever you want. See you at the restaurant tonight?” Birthday suit or not, they always had a get together for Genma at the end of the day even if they had or hadn’t spent the entire day with him along with whoever Genma decided to invite that year. Their friendship was that deep that even if Genma showed up naked with an arm around the shoulder of a towel clad Tayuya they would fight for their right to have the two of them come inside and join the party.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” And Genma gave a smirk that teetered on the edge of a smile that Raidou and Ebisu knew that he meant it from the bottom of his heart.
Raidou and Ebisu waved their goodbyes and told them to try to not get arrested (or arrested again in Tayuya’s case) for indecent exposure with Ebisu popping his head back in after Raidou had reached the elevator to ask “In case, someone does make a birthday sex appointment will you let me know? Who the person was I mean. Don’t give me any details or a play by play, gross.”
Once Genma was sure that the both of them were safely on their way to their respective apartments he locked the door and placed a broom in front of it, for extra measure. “And you said that my plan was stupid.”
Tayuya dropped her towel on the floor. “I can’t tell whether or not to be disappointed about the fact that no one wants to fuck us.” She had been complaining the previous week that there would be no chance of having any alone time with Genma on his birthday. The man made too many friends and was determined to keep them. Like, you didn’t need to be on friendly terms with that many people, being an occasional asshole did the body good. Even before Orohchimaru she had always believed that. Genma had come up with the idea if he told everyone that he was going to spend the entire day naked and having sex then everyone would leave him alone to actually spend the entire day naked and having sex with his girlfriend.
“Don’t be like that babydoll, I always want to fuck you.” Genma laid back down on the couch and pulled Tayuya into his lap.
“I know, you’re incorrigible. But seriously, put on some clothes. I wasn’t joking about the honey bacon egg burger. There’ll be plenty of time for us to have sex but there won’t be plenty of time for me to eat that burger.” Tayuya hopped off of Genma’s lap and headed towards his bedroom, making sure to grab her towel off of the floor. It was his birthday after all, she could stand to be a little more neat for him on today of all days. She changed quickly into the simple black T-shirt and a pair of skin tight jeans that made Genma went to peel them off of her. Her flute was hanging on a string across her body like it was a crossbody bag. Genma attempted one more time to try and convince her to fall back on the couch with him but she resisted. With difficulty, Tayuya was always appreciative of a finely sculpted ass and Genma had ass to spare.Why he didn’t wear his birthday suit every single day of his life was a mystery to her.
Genma came out of the room dressed in an outfit that made Tayuya want to tell him to get back in his birthday suit for all the wrong reasons. Genma had his forehead protector on but other than that was wearing casual clothing. Or attempted casual clothing at the very least. He had on a pair of black fancy looking sweatpants that were a tad bit too hot for the weather outside and a T-shirt that read ‘BIRTHDAY HUNK’ in the ugliest shade of green lettering. It was casual but make it tacky. His senbon was in his mouth at the ready should it be necessary but Tayuya wasn’t going to complain when she had her flute with her. At least Genma could use his weapon safety blanket without fearing jail or execution or whatever it would be decided upon if Tayuya was ever caught lifting her flute to her mouth.
“How do I look?” Genma asked. He sounded proud of himself for a reason that Tayuya couldn’t even begin to comprehend.
“Fucking terrible.” Tayuya snorted walking over to Genma. “But all mine, happy birthday babe.”