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English
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The Kirk/Spock Fanfiction Archive, T'hy'la #19
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Published:
2020-07-18
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187
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1/1
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5
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Never and Always Lovers: A Ni-Var for Two Apart

Summary:

Ni Var: A Vulcan term that describes two halves that combine to make a whole.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

We were never lovers.

 

    We were always lovers.

 

Never did he lay me down                                        

with sheets cold against bare back,                            

Or hover there above my face ‘till golden                  

breath warmed the space between our bodies.          

 

    Always from the first did find

     his soul a twin to mine

     And sought there the answer

     To a question I hadn't known to ask.

 

Never did he twine blunt fingers in my hair              

to hold me still                                                           

as if there were a place to which I could escape       

that did not contain his essence.                               

 

     Always the dividing line was thin.

     Where white met black

    our colors bloomed

     And made a seamless whole.

 

We were never lovers.                                               

 

    We were always lovers.

 

It is not possible to seduce with a smile,                    

ravish with a careless touch,                                     

penetrate with a glance.                                          

 

    I have walked within the secret garden

    of his mind, a yearning, verdant place ,

     And did deny the lesser intimacy.

 

We were never lovers.  Never.                                  

 

    We were always lovers.  Always.

 

Then why does desert wind usurp                       

his voice to call my name?                                            

 

    That's why rain-spattered glass reflects

    his face and not my own.

 

Notes:

First published in 1997 in fanzine T'hy'la 19.