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Tell Me That You Want Me
Harpstring Moon,
Imperial Year 1180
Garreg Mach Monastery
Garreg Mach Monastery was far from what Byleth had expected it to be. When her father informed her that he was offered the position of professor at the Officer’s Academy, she was shocked. And when he told her that he accepted it, she was rendered completely speechless. After all, her father was the renown mercenary Jeralt the Blade Breaker. To hear that he has decided to settle down somewhere to become a teacher sounded utterly unbelievable.
They’ve been on the road ever since Byleth was a baby, rarely ever staying in one place for very long. There were the rare exceptions, having spent a lot of time in Fhirdiad and Madinalmuluk, the capital cities of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus and Almyra respectably. The sole reason that these two were different than the rest was since they had jobs in both cities that lasted for an extended period.
A part of Byleth told her that she shouldn’t overthink her father’s new job. After all, it was just that: a job. They’ve taken plenty of different jobs before, so this was nothing new to the girl. However, this was the first domestic job that she’s seen her father take. Every job they’ve taken before had been somehow related to the fact that they were mercenaries. Even when they were temporarily stationed as city guards in Fhirdiad, they were still considered mercenaries.
For her father to be so willing to take a job that would last for at least a year, probably longer, took her completely off guard. Especially considering the fact that he explicitly mentioned to Byleth not to trust the Archbishop, Rhea, before he accepted the job. Nothing about the situation made any sense to Byleth. Rather than explaining, Jeralt simply informed her that she was going to be enrolled in the academy as one of his students. And like that, Byleth’s world was turned upside-down. She went from being a highly experienced mercenary to being an ordinary student. Or at least, as ordinary as a student at the Officer’s Academy could be.
Despite the fact she’s only been there for a little over two weeks, Byleth quickly learned that her classmates were an eccentric bunch. Though her fellow members of the Golden Deer house were pleasant enough, she couldn’t help as though feel like she didn’t quite fit in.
Hilda’s ideal conversation consisted of gossiping about fashion and boys, two topics that Byleth didn’t have much expertise in. It didn’t help that Hilda had practically no interest in fighting or training either. Though they would regard one another with a friendly attitude, neither girl could manage to keep a conversation going for very long.
She didn’t have any better luck when it came to conversing with Leonie. Even though they have several things in common, Leonie favoured Jeralt over his daughter. Whenever Byleth tried to speak with Leonie when Jeralt wasn’t around, Leonie would just ask her questions about him, then belittle her for how little she knew about her own father.
Marianne went out of her way to avoid Byleth, though she did that to almost everyone so Byleth didn’t take it personally. After all, Marianne appeared to be more comfortable when she was alone in the stables than when she had human company. Lysithea was similar in that regard; though instead of horses, she preferred to spend her time surrounded by books.
Byleth had been foolish enough to attempt to study with Lysithea once. The white-haired girl’s intellect took Byleth off guard, causing her to only understand about a third of what Lysithea had said during their study session. Since then, Byleth’s taken to studying in private in an attempt to catch up to the others who were fortunate enough to have a formal education.
Raphael was friendly enough to Byleth, though whenever he saw her, he would insist that she joined him for training. Though she would accept his offer occasionally, she turned him down more-often-than-not. It wasn’t as though she had anything against the friendly giant, but he favoured brute strength when it came to combat rather than technique which caused Byleth to always win when they sparred. The girl was honestly beginning to feel guilty about that fact; however, she respected his perseverance too much to take it easy on him.
Ignatz had a tendency to flee from Byleth whenever she had attempted to converse with him. She wasn’t sure if it was because her father was their professor or if she had done something to offend him. Regardless, whenever she would speak with him, he would come up with some excuse to leave. She couldn’t tell if it was just a coincidence or not, however, she noticed that he reacted in a similar manner around Raphael.
The simplest way that Byleth could describe Lorenz was as peculiar. He was a noble, which was something that he would remind everyone of whenever he was able to. But he was also a notorious (albeit poor) flirt. Byleth was spared from his advances due to her status as a commoner, something of which she wasn’t sure if she should be grateful for or offended by.
Lastly, there was Claude. Byleth honestly didn’t know what to make of the archer. Though he acted jovial and sociable, Byleth could tell that he was keeping everyone around him at arm’s length. And yet, there were moments between the two where he appeared to be completely sincere with her. Though it was hard to tell if he was honest in these moments or not. He would almost always say or do something to contradict himself immediately after. It was hard to discern if he was intentionally lying to Byleth or if he ended up panicking with how vulnerable the truth made him feel, causing him to try to take it back by whatever means necessary. Regardless, for some reason, Byleth couldn’t bring herself to dislike the man because of his attitude. They had only known one another a short time, after all. She believed that if she kept trying, then maybe he would be able to open up and be honest for once.
As much as Byleth hated to admit it, the true reason she wanted to get close to Claude was because of how much he reminded her of her childhood friend, Khalid. The similarities were nearly impossible to ignore. They were both mischievous yet strategic, with a flair for the dramatic. His emerald eyes even seemed to look right through her like Khalid’s did once upon a time. Though she was aware of the concept of doppelgängers, she had never actually expected to meet one herself. Byleth hoped that the more she spoke to Claude, the more she would be able to differentiate him from Khalid. Maybe then she’d stop making comparisons. It wasn’t fair to either of them, yet Byleth found it difficult to not.
Byleth let out a sigh as she ran her fingers through her hair. She glanced out her bedroom window at the night sky. It was well into the evening, and almost everyone was asleep. After all, that day had consisted of combat training, something that tired out nearly everybody. Everyone except Byleth, of course. Despite having a much more comfortable bed at the monastery, she still found herself struggling to sleep at night. Though the nightmares of the past had lessened since her arrival, there were far more things going on in Byleth’s life that kept her thoughts occupied all hours of the night.
“Fuck it,” Byleth swore as she stood up from her desk, closing her book about the fundamentals of magic as she made her way towards the door. Not bothering to get dressed, she slipped on her old grey jacket over her pyjamas before exiting her room. Byleth was too distracted to focus on her book, but she was far to awake to try to go to sleep.
Byleth took a deep breath of the cold spring air as she took a step outside, looking up at the night sky. The moon was nearly full, it’s light shone down on the grounds allowing Byleth to easily manoeuvre the grounds. She moved without thinking, lost in thought about how hauntingly beautiful the area looked at night.
After a while, Byleth found herself standing in front of docks near the greenhouse. Though she was slightly tempted to go into the greenhouse to tend the flowers, she knew that it would be a futile attempt in the darkness. If she weren’t careful, she would do more harm than good.
So, she made her way to the docks. Sparing a glance at the closed fishing shack at the base of the waterfront, she walked past it to the end of the dock before taking a seat. Byleth dangled her legs off of the edge, dipping her foot into the water and drawing circles on the surface. She watched the reflection of the stars become warped by the presence of small waves rippling through the water. It almost tempted the young woman to go retrieve a stone to skip it across the pond. That desire quickly died down when she witnessed a bright flash of light in the distance, attracting her attention to a group of fireflies dancing through the air. The way they moved was mesmerising, as they flew above the water in an almost elaborate manner. Their reflections in the water echoed their floating waltz, and Byleth found herself unable to shift her stare from their beauty.
“What are you doing?” the hairs on Byleth’s arms stood up when Claude’s gentle voice infiltrated her ears. She whipped around to face the man, who was crouched next to her. She was stunned to find that he had managed to appear mere inches away from her without her noticing. And now that she was aware, it was all she could focus on.
Byleth awkwardly shifted herself away from Claude, trying to avoid making eye contact as she made room for him to sit beside her on the dock. No longer focusing on the fireflies, she turned her gaze up towards the sky when she was finally satisfied with the distance between them. Byleth just hoped that the darkness was enough to hide her flushed cheeks. Though she tried to tell herself that it was because of the cold night-time air that made her cheeks feel hot, deep down, she knew that it was a lie. “I needed some fresh air.”
“You do know that it’s like midnight, right?” he moved from a crouching position to a sitting one, swinging his legs off the edge of the dock before looking at the blue-haired girl. “Seteth will kill you if he learned that you were creeping around so late.”
“And you decided to come join me so we can die together? How sweet.” Byleth flashed him a playful grin before sparing a glance behind them at the monastery buildings. Considering that they were currently at the pond, which was located on the opposite side of the property than the cathedral, there was no real reason that Seteth would be patrolling nearby. “What are you doing up anyway?”
“That is a secret,” Claude offered Byleth his signature carefree smirk with a wink, causing her to roll her eyes at his casual attitude.
“Honestly, what about you isn’t a secret,” Byleth had meant it as more of a statement than an actual question, yet Claude still answered.
“I like stargazing,” he said. His voice took on a melancholy sound as he finally looked from Byleth and towards the sky above. The smile slowly dropped from Claude’s face as he took on a calmer appearance than usual. The reflection of the pale starlight across his tanned features made Claude look almost picturesque, and Byleth had to turn her gaze back up to the stars as to not stare at the handsome man. “That’s why I’m out here.”
“If that’s all it took for you to tell me, then why did you even say it was a secret in the first place?” Byleth asked.
“I don’t know, because it made me sound more mysterious,” Claude shrugged absently.
“You are plenty mysterious, Mr Claude von Riegan,” though Byleth had tried to keep her eyes on the sky above, she found her gaze keep drifting in the direction of Claude. She just hoped he didn’t notice. “You’re practically an enigma.”
“Only practically? Damn, there goes my hope of achieving cryptid level,” the two youths let out a soft laugh as they continue to stare up at the stars above them. “In all seriousness, I hope my many mysteries aren’t off-putting. Honestly, if anything I would have thought they’d make me more alluring. After all, wouldn’t you like to figure them out?”
Byleth didn’t have to look at Claude to know that he winked at her. “So, you’re telling me that the only reason you’re so secretive is because you can be? Doesn’t that kind of defeat the entire purpose?”
“Maybe I just want someone to put forth the effort to try to figure me out without having to tell them,” the way Claude said it made it seem as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, but Byleth couldn’t help but feel as there was more to his logic than he was telling her.
“Isn’t that a lot to ask of someone, though? It’s not as though there are any sort of mind readers at this school. I don't even think that there's a type of magic that can let you read minds.”
“You don’t have to be a mind reader to be able to tell what someone’s thinking without them telling you,” Claude’s indecipherable gaze met with Byleth’s own, causing her to immediately look away, directing her focus towards the fireflies in the distance. They were no longer floating above the water and had begun retreating towards the greenery by the dormitories.
“You sound like you’re speaking from experience,” she spoke meticulously, unable to figure out what kind of look he had just given her, “however I can’t tell which side you’re speaking from.”
He remained silent for the next few minutes in deep thought, and Byleth worried that she might have said something wrong. Finally, he spoke up. “Have you ever known somebody who you understood so well, that sometimes words weren’t necessary. I’m not talking about in the sense of being in battle and being able to communicate to your allies silently either. I’m speaking in a general sense, where you could just give them one look, and you knew exactly what they were feeling.”
Out of reflex, Byleth’s hand went up to the ring around her necklace. Her childhood friend, Khalid, had given it to her long ago when she left Almyra as a promise that they would meet again. Though she was still doubtful that they would, the gift from her friend was one of her most valued possessions. Realising that Claude was staring at her necklace, she tucked it underneath her shirt like she did during the day, her cheeks flushed when she realised how that must have looked to him.
“I think I understand what you’re saying,” Claude raised an eyebrow at the girl, causing her blush to deepen. “I, uh, had a childhood friend; we were really close…”
If Claude had any comments about her reaction, he didn’t mention it. If he did, Byleth was almost sure that she’d jump into the lake to save herself from further embarrassment. However, the silence between them was far more awkward than Byleth was comfortable with, causing her to tentatively speak up.
“Why go through all this effort just to get someone to understand you?”
“I have my reasons.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Byleth stared intently at Claude, trying to decipher the man’s motives. He glanced back at her, flashing her a charming smirk.
“Maybe because I want you to try.”
One second.
Two seconds.
Three seconds.
Claude’s expression didn’t falter, much to Byleth’s shock. She half expected him to start laughing and tell her that he was joking. But he didn’t.
“I don’t understand. Why me? You’ve only known me for a few weeks.”
“Time is a matter of perspective,” the smile finally dropped from Claude’s face as he gave Byleth a thoughtful look. “Just because you haven’t known me long doesn’t mean that I’m not a good judge of character.”
“You…” Byleth paused, unsure of what she was about to say as her gaze flickered away from the man as she tried to find the words, “are strange. This is a strange conversation.”
“I mean, it is past midnight,” Claude reminded her, before adding in an afterthought, “also, you started it.”
“Please, tell me how I started it?” Byleth’s hair flipped over her shoulder from how fast she turned towards Claude. “If I recall, you’re the one who told me that the reason you were out here was a secret before immediately telling me that you came to stargaze.”
“Alright, you got me. If it’s bothering you that much, I’ll give you one free answer to any question—” Claude stopped, before backtracking, “well almost any question. Deal?”
“What?!” Byleth scanned over Claude wondering if he was playing some sort of trick on her. “But I don’t even know what to ask!”
“Does that mean we don’t have a deal?”
Byleth paused for a moment as she considered what Claude was offering her. He rarely ever gave anybody a straight answer for anything, so the fact that he was so willing to answer any question she had to ask him was surprising.
“No, we have a deal…”
“Smart choice,” Claude winked at Byleth again, causing her to roll her eyes over just how many times he’s winked at her that night, “but I’m considering the very next question you ask me the one I’ll answer. So, don’t go wasting it by asking me what time it is.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Byleth deadpanned. Somehow, she wasn’t surprised.
“Hey, I’d say that’s pretty fair considering I’m not even getting anything in return.”
“But you offered!”
“Yes, which means I get to decide the conditions behind this.”
“Fine,” Byleth was about to give in to defeat, but then a different idea popped into her head of how to make this exchange fairer. “Wait… if you don’t count what I ask until I come up with a good question, then I’ll let you ask me almost anything as well.”
“Wow, are you really going to trust me with that kind of power?” Claude placed his hand on his chest in mock surprise. “I’m flattered.”
“Does that mean we’ve got a deal?”
“Alright,” Claude laid down on the dock as he stared up at the stars once again. “Since you haven’t come up with a question yet, I’ll start: what’s with the ring? With how defensive you got over it, it seems like whoever gave it to you was a lot more than a childhood friend.”
“Oh,” Byleth blinked, trying to figure out what to say to the young man. She hadn’t the faintest idea of how to talk about her childhood friend without bringing up the fact that Claude reminded her of him. “Well, you know how my father and I used to be mercenaries? I ended up going to Almyra on a job with some of our crew, and I befriended a local boy.”
Byleth purposely left out the fact that the local boy that she befriended was actually the prince of Almyra. She didn’t think that it was essential to the story because she never viewed him by his title. To her, he was just Khalid. Her best friend. “We were close. But eventually, I had to come back to Fódlan, and we had to say goodbye. He gave me this necklace—this ring—to promise that we’d meet again one day.”
“And did you?”
“No,” Byleth couldn’t help but sigh. “Honestly, I don’t think we will. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s forgotten all about me by now.”
At her comment, Claude frowned. “I doubt that’s the case, who could forget you?”
“You’d be surprised…”
“Hey, look at that!” Claude’s arm shot into the air, and Byleth followed the direction that he pointed. Though she was well aware that he was pointing somewhere in the sky, even though she was narrowing her eyes, she still failed to see what he was trying to show her.
Noticing Byleth was struggling trying to distinguish what he was pointing to, he continued. “It’s a shooting star!”
“Where?”
“There!” Claude sat up, clasping his hand around Byleth’s cold hand as he raised her hand and pointed it in the direction of the star, so she’d be able to see it herself. After a moment, her eyes widened as she caught sight of the falling star.
“How did you see that?!” Byleth exclaimed, surprise etching her features as she turned to Claude. “It’s barely visible!”
“What can I say, I’ve got good eyes,” Claude replied nonchalantly as he lowered his arm to his side, causing Byleth to raise an eyebrow as she looked at the man curiously. He still had a firm grip on her hand, after all.
“Is that why you’re an archer?”
“Maybe.” There was a pregnant pause as the two of them stared up at the night sky, spotting more and more stars falling throughout the sky. They watched the meteor shower continue to light up the sky as they both searched for what to say. Claude was the first one to break the silence. “Are you going to make a wish?”
“I don’t know what I’d wish for.”
“Come on,” Claude turned towards the girl and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, “there must be something that you want.”
“There’s nothing I can think of.”
“Nothing at all?”
“Not really.”
“The first time I saw a shooting star, I hadn’t the faintest idea of what to wish for either,” Claude stared up at the sky. “But I realised that I wasn’t thinking big enough. Instead of wishing for something that would grant me instantaneous satisfaction, I wished for something that I wanted to happen one day instead.”
“Oh?”
“I’ve got a story a bit similar to your own,” Claude told her, rubbing circles into the back of her palm as he spoke. “There was a girl I used to know as a kid. We were friends… No, we were more than that, we were practically inseparable. I actually had the biggest crush on her. I don’t think that she ever knew though, she was kind of oblivious about those things.”
“Is there a point to this?” Byleth’s voice had a bit more bite than she intended, taking both of them by surprise. Byleth looked down in embarrassment, and Claude let out a low chuckle. “Sorry I’m really tired.”
“Is that so? If I didn’t know better, I’d think that you were jealous,” Claude’s voice was laced with amusement as he winked at the bluenette, who promptly elbowed him in the side.
“You wish,” Byleth was grateful for Claude’s nonchalant attitude because she wasn’t entirely sure why she reacted like that. She felt a bit ashamed of herself, but the fact that Claude was laughing eased her nerves.
“I can’t say I’d blame you if you were,” he continued. “She was incredible. Pretty hard for anybody to compete with, actually. She was courageous, thoughtful, and understanding. She was also an incredible fighter. If it weren’t for her, I probably wouldn’t even have the skills I needed to even be here at the academy.”
“She sounds like she means a lot to you,” Byleth remarked.
“She meant the world to me,” Claude sighed, closing his eyes. “And much like in your story, we had to say goodbye far too soon. She was going somewhere that I couldn’t follow.”
“I’m so sorry,” Byleth immediately said. Instead of giving her a response, Claude simply shrugged. Byleth gawked at the man at her side, unsure of what else there was to say. After all, from what it sounded like, his childhood friend died.
Finally opening his eyes and looking towards her, Claude pondered her appearance as the gears clicked in his head as he realised just what he had said. “Oh shit! I just meant that she moved really far away! She’s still alive, I promise!”
“You dick,” Byleth frowned, shaking her head as she let out a breath that she hadn’t realised she was holding. “You could have mentioned that sooner. I was really worried there.”
“Sorry,” Claude apologised, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I did have a point. I knew she was moving for a short while before it happened. So, one night, I saw a shooting star. And I made it a wish, that one day our paths might one day cross again.”
“And did it?” Byleth asked. Claude looked up at the shooting stars in deep thought before responding.
“…yeah, it did.” Claude gave Byleth a side glance before returning it to the meteor shower happening up above. “So, don’t lose faith that you’ll see that boy again. Hopefully, it’ll go better for you than it did for me.”
“What happened?”
“Is this you using your one free question?” Claude enquired, and Byleth gave him a soft nod. He let out a sigh, and Byleth realised just how vulnerable he looked in that instant. “She didn’t recognise me, and I didn’t remind her either.”
“Why not?”
“It was better that way,” he replied meekly, “for both of us.”
“I doubt that’s true,” Byleth gave Claude’s hand a gentle squeeze, causing him to look at her in surprise. Byleth wasn’t sure if it was because he was shocked by her action or if he had simply been unaware that he was still holding her hand. “You’re selling yourself short. I can say in good consciousness that you definitely make things way better. After all, if it weren’t for you, I’d be lost in thought all alone out here.”
“Sorry,” Claude apologised, “I get nostalgic this time of night. Have you ever heard of midnight melancholy? It’s a real issue.”
“Yeah?” Byleth nodded her head at his words, even if she didn’t quite believe them. “You should probably get to bed then.”
“Not until you make a wish,” Claude told her, and Byleth looked up at the falling stars. She was a bit surprised by how many of them were passing through the night sky. Byleth was honestly a bit happy that she had picked that particular night to come outside. It certainly didn’t hurt that she was also in the presence of good company.
“I told you that I don’t know what to wish for.”
“Well, you seemed pretty dead-set on meeting up with your childhood friend again,” Claude reminded her, making sure to put extra emphasis on the word ‘friend’ much to Byleth’s chagrin. “Why don’t you wish to meet him again?”
“I can’t just wish for what you tell me to,” Byleth playfully elbowed Claude, though he was putting up a cheery front, she knew that what he dubbed to be a case of midnight melancholy was still prominent. He wasn’t as good at hiding it as he thought he was. Nonetheless, she would play along if that’s what it took to help him. “Plus, if I tell you my wish, then it won’t come true.”
“But you won’t be telling me if I already guessed it correctly,” he reasoned. “So, make your wish. Or else I’ll spend my wish making it for you.”
“I don’t get why you’re so hung up on this. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’re the jealous one.”
“Ah, so you admit that you were jealous,” before Claude had a chance to wink at Byleth, she raised her free hand and flicked his forehead. “Ow, what was that for!”
“You keep winking at me,” she informed him, a playful smirk making its way onto her lips. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were Sylvain in a Claude costume.”
At that, Claude raised his hand to his chest in mock surprise as he scrunched up his face in repulsion. “You wound me.”
“Am I wrong though, I think you’ve winked at me more tonight than Sylvain has in the past week,” she giggled. “You have to admit, it’s pretty funny.”
“I still don’t understand why you hang out with that guy,” Claude rolled his eyes, running his hand through his hair. “He’s a philanderer, I’m honestly a bit shocked that we haven’t spotted him out here tonight.”
“He’s actually a really decent guy if you get past his… flirtatious ways.”
“Has it ever occurred to you that he’s just having you think that because he’s trying to get into your pants?” Claude sounded more concerned about Byleth than spiteful towards Sylvain, though Byleth couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. “I mean, I’ve got nothing against the guy personally. I just don’t agree with the way that he treats others. It’s kinda messed up.”
“As much as I agree with you on that, weren’t we supposed to make a wish while there are still shooting stars in the sky?” Claude’s eyes widened as he remembered the light show that was happening above them, directing his attention back to the meteor shower.
“You still don’t know what you want to wish for?” he asked softly, and Byleth shook her head.
“Not a clue,” she confirmed. The only wish that she could think of was the one that Claude had mentioned to her. Other than that, she couldn’t think of anything. Maybe world peace?
“I wish that you’ll become reacquainted with the one who gave you that ring,” he said aloud, before standing up from his place on the docks and turning towards Byleth. “I think I’m going to be going to bed. Don’t stay out too much longer, alright?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” Byleth muttered, a soft smile on her face as she continued to stare up at the stars. “I’ll go to bed once I think of a wish. But you do know that because you spoke your wish out loud, it won’t come true, right? I appreciate the gesture, though.”
“Well, one of us had to make the wish,” Claude informed her, stretching a bit as he turned to head back towards the dormitories. He spared her one last look before he left, however. “I figured it would be better for you to be able to think it through. Hopefully, you’ll figure out what you really want and wish for it.”
“What I really want…” Byleth muttered softly to herself.
“Anyway, goodnight,” Claude offered Byleth a wave as he walked back to his room. Though he was well aware of the superstition where if you spoke your wish out loud it wouldn’t come true, he wasn’t too worried about that one. She had already crossed paths with her childhood friend, the one who had given her that ring she treasured so dearly. Even if she hadn’t realised it yet, it was only a matter of time before she put the pieces together. Perhaps he was too loose with his tongue, perhaps he gave her too many clues. He knew she shouldn’t know, but he couldn’t help but want her to figure out the truth.
After all, Claude was the one who gave her the ring in the first place.