Archive of Our Own

There are a handful of moments and instances in your life that are probably not good for your health, given that the mere memory of them makes your heart feel so full and close to bursting. It doesn’t help that one of those instances is waking up next to your fiancé and that you have to live with this health hazard every single morning, but you don’t find it in yourself to complain. 

Not one bit. 

After all, you love that he’s always within arm's reach now. No more sneaking in and out of each other’s dormitories—a feat which you had endured for the entirety of your life in university because living on campus helped you save money. No more hanging out in public places until closing hours just so you can spend every waking minute together. No more buying two sets of groceries, no more owning two sets of toiletries. No more missing articles of clothing because they were forgotten in the other’s dorm. No more mine and yours. Just ours now. 

Exactly 22 minutes after he had proposed on the hilltop just like he promised, he stops you as you were walking on the way back to the car, telling you that he had another proposal of sorts. You're still riding the emotional high of the recent events and so his words catch you by surprise. You then start searching your brain for memories of that night and thinking of what other things he might have in store for you. He gently tugs you toward a nearby bench, and he waits for you to sit down before he makes the motion to pull something out of his inner coat pocket. 

He hands you a short stack of papers that are neatly folded in half. He’s worrying his lower lip with his teeth, and you reach up to drag the flesh out before he hurts himself. Your heart swoops at the nervous smile that he gives you, and you watch your engagement ring glisten under the light of the lamp post as your hand lingers on his chest.

You take the papers from him.

“Tae,” You say as you quickly scan the first page. “Are you moving to a new place?”

“Well,” He clears his throat and sits down next to you. “I was hoping to move in with— uh, with you?”

Your heart does another flip and you have to lean back to keep it together. “Oh. That’s—"

“I know we’ve talked about it before, and bringing this up now might be a little sudden. But I realized that we never really talked about when we were going to do this, the whole moving in thing. Then a nice little flat opened up a month ago in the district that you really like, the one with the cute bookstore slash coffee shop? And the one with the cute pet store with the rainbow fish? Anyway, when I saw the listing on the newspaper, I knew that it was perfect and that it was meant for us,” He reaches forward to take your hands and press a kiss against your knuckles before intertwining your fingers. “Because (a) I read the paper like twice a year and (b) I don’t think I’m going to be able to wait any longer for this. I can’t, Y/N. I mean we already practically live together but I wanna do this with you. To have our own home and—“

You pull him forward to kiss him. The contract is dropped somewhere on the ground, but that’s not your concern at the moment. Right now, all you want to do is pour everything that you’re feeling into this kiss, this simple press of the lips as your hands come up to wrap around your fiancé’s (fiancé!) neck. You feel him melt against you as the tension and nerves leave his body.

"Yes,” You finally say. And there’s that feeling again, the single-word answer that ties the moment together, as if the night could get any more perfect. One word to jumpstart the next chapter of your lives together, to keep your beautiful story going. "Let’s do it. Let’s get the place. Move in. Be regulars at the coffee shop. Pine over the pretty rainbow fish in the pet store.”  

“Yeah? You don't think we’re moving too fast, right?"

“I feel like I’ve known and loved you my entire life, baby." You smile, shaking your head as you place a reassuring hand on his cheek. He turns his head to kiss the inside of your wrist. "I think it's about time."

It’s rainy this morning, and there’s a cool breeze coming in. For a moment you wonder if you left the windows open last night, if the rush to fall into bed together and the afterglow and warm shower that lulled you to sleep made you forget. Then you remember that Taehyung likes listening to the sound of the rain (it’s nature’s very own lo-fi playlist, babe) and you know that he most likely got up in the middle of sleeping just to open the window. 

You don’t mind the cool breeze because the weather has been unforgiving in the recent days and, well, there’s a warm body next to you anyway. 

But you know it’s not just any body. These are limbs that are always wrapped around you, littered with tickle spots that only you know of. Moles, birthmarks, and scars that are dotted out on a golden expanse of skin and hold so many stories and reminders. Cheeks that are soft like bread and always warm under your palm. Fingers that fit perfectly in the spaces between yours, hands that know your own body like a memorized map. 

You open your eyes to see Taehyung fast asleep, lying on his side. His face is smushed against the pillow, and you use this time to take in every little detail before you—long dark locks that are a stark contrast against the white pillowcase, fading brown ends splayed out messily, slightly parted lips that move by a fraction as he breathes out puffs of air. 

Carefully, you shift on the bed to lie on your side and face him, but the slight rustling of the sheets disturbs him anyway. You watch with a full heart as he smacks his lips together and scratches his nose before fumbling around the bed with his eyes still closed. He slings his arm over your waist and he pulls you in weakly, as if he’s still asleep and functioning on autopilot and his unconscious response is to always reach for you.

You can’t help but think that you feel the exact same way. Being apart from Taehyung just tilts your world off its axis and so there’s this constant need for you to be around him just to feel okay and normal, whether it’s his quiet but assuring presence or his loud child-like behavior. As long as it’s related to Taehyung, your heart yearns for it, wants to be present for every single thing.

You scoot forward until the tip of your nose is poking his chest. You bring up your hand to your mouth to breathe out warm air into your fist, and then you slip it under his shirt to press it against his back as you rub it soothingly. You hear him sigh as he relaxes under your touch and his tiny, mostly asleep reactions tug your lips up into a small smile. 

Just the usual morning routine with your fiancé.

And just like every other morning, you hear the pitter patter of paws walking across the wooden floor and soon there’s the soft sound of a panting dog behind you. You look back and lock eyes with said dog, and you watch as his ears perk up once it realizes that you’re finally awake.

You smile and reach back to scratch the back of his ears, and he barks and hops on his hind feet excitedly, waiting to be picked up.

“Shh, Tan. I know, I know,” You whisper as you (reluctantly) shift out from under Taehyung’s arm as you lean over the edge to carry Yeontan onto the bed. He indulges you for a moment, crowding your personal space as he licks your nose. You laugh softly and pat his head, hoping to coax him into settling down next to you, but then he moves away to hop over your body instead. “Yah, that’s all I get?” You roll over to follow him, watching as he settles in Taehyung’s arms. You feel absolutely scandalized by the lack of affection that you’re getting from your own dog, so you gently nudge your fiancé's shin with your toes to wake him up, but he simply adjusts to accommodate Yeontan better. “Tae, no fair. I want Tan time.”

He hums. “Tan likes his appa more.”

If his voice didn’t sound so damn sexy in the morning (as in, about 10 times more than usual) and if you weren’t on the verge of cardiac arrest because of it, you would’ve responded with something sharp and witty. You narrow your eyes at your dog who’s just staring at you. You settle with a bitter scoff.

And to continue this whole dramatic charade you’ve got going on, you make a little show of kicking the covers off of you when you get up to freshen up in the bathroom. When you finish, you step out and find them in the same position as before, only now Yeontan has his eyes closed and is probably fast asleep too.

Sometimes you would find yourself just bursting into tears and crying out curses, sobbing why the hell are you so adorable and why do I love you so freaking much? and Taehyung would just nod and pat your hair comfortingly like it’s the most normal thing in the world. But you’re not going to go through all of that at this very moment because you want them—yes, both the man and the dog—to know that you’re sulking. A part of you, perhaps about 95%, wants to jump back onto the mattress to straddle Taehyung and pepper his face with minty morning kisses, but you decided against it. Your remaining 5% wants to stay petty for a little while longer. You’ve decided that you’re not going to say or do anything about the sight that’s currently tugging at your heart and practically begging you to come back to bed. It makes your bones feel weak, like you’ll melt into a puddle at any given second, but no. 

I’m a strong woman, you tell yourself.

You walk out of the room and straight to the kitchen to get started on making some breakfast, all thoughts of cuddling with your fiancé and your beloved fur baby pushed into the farthest corners of your mind.

As you're placing tiny strawberry slices into the pancakes that are halfway done on the pan, you feel a pair of arms wrap around your waist. There are kisses being pressed onto the back of your neck too, and you mentally pat yourself on the back for tying up your hair this morning and allowing Taehyung that kind of access. Still, you remain stoic and don’t respond to his touches at all, but when he hums a little tune while he’s still draped over your back, you can feel the vibrations from his throat as he hooks his chin over your shoulder. You let your eyes close for a second to just immerse yourself in the peace of this moment. 

“Pancakes are burning, love.” He whispers with a low chuckle that is—once again—too damn sexy for your health, and it jolts you from your thoughts.

“No they’re not,” You say, gently shaking him off. He stands to the side and leans his hip against the counter, ducking his head to look up at you while you’re trying your hardest to ignore him. “Go away. Tan might be missing his appa,” You mutter albeit a little mockingly as you wave him off.

“But I miss his eomma,” He whines sleepily as he steps closer again and places his hand on your waist to pull you in. "Come back to bed.” He says after planting a kiss onto your temple.

The offer is so sweet and so tempting and you’re about to cry, but— “I’m making pancakes."

“We can eat pancakes later. Bed sounds better right now, hm?” He cocks his head to the side to kiss your neck, and if you tilt your own to expose more skin for him, well… then he’s to blame for that. It’s not your fault that he knows you so well. “It’s cold without you,” He whispers against your skin, and you feel the last of that petty 5% snap and admit defeat. He manages to take the spatula from your hand and turn off the stove while his lips are still on your skin. 

Just to be clear, you’re still a strong woman. No doubt about that. But here’s the catch: you’re also very whipped for Taehyung, and so you finally give in and turn in his hold to give him your undivided attention and uninhibited affection.

“You’re playing dirty again,” You say against his lips, and it makes him smile into the kiss.

“Can’t help it.” He presses one last kiss to your mouth, punctuating it with an exaggerated smack, and then he’s tugging you back to the bedroom. 

The sound of the door opening wakes Yeontan from his nap, and he watches you two curiously as you walk toward the bed. Taehyung then foregoes holding your hand to run and dive into the sheets, ultimately making Yeontan bark at him in surprise. The little dog then settles in for some cuddling again, wedging himself in the small space between Taehyung's arm and torso.

You can’t help but hang back and take in the picture perfect scene, and you make a mental note to get health insurance soon because the rate at which your heart is beating is definitely not considered normal or safe. All the sulking from this morning melts away in an instant, and you feel a rush of joy wash over you as you crawl into bed, tucking yourself under Taehyung’s Yeontan-free arm.

You’re quiet for a moment, and you think he’s already fallen back asleep, but then he breaks the silence with a sigh. You look up at him, resting your chin on his chest, and he meets your gaze by looking down at you. With him holding you so close, you’re left with no choice but to give in, to reach out and touch. You take a moment to run your fingers through his soft hair, admiring how it's like silk slipping through your fingers. His eyes flutter closed as you gently trace his profile with the tip of your index finger, slowly moving down his forehead, the curves of his nose, his cupid’s bow. You let your finger linger on his lower lip, softly tapping his little mole there before shifting forward to kiss it.

“You like that mole, hm?” He asks, speech slurring as he’s already half-asleep. 

“I do. Very much,” You kiss it again just to prove your point.

“Is it your favorite?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I like all your moles.”

“Hm,” He pouts, eyebrows dipping down but eyes still closed. “You don’t give the others much attention. They might be getting a little jealous.” You giggle and he smiles, letting out another sigh like he sounds so content. “Now, that is my favorite.”

“What is?”

“Your laugh.”

Oh, your poor heart. 

Suddenly, all self-control is out the window and you move to straddle him just as you had been wanting to since earlier this morning, and he grunts and laughs in surprise as you drop your weight on him. Yeontan startles awake and moves away to a more peaceful area on the bed, away from all the giggling and touching that’s been going on between you and Taehyung. You lean down to cup his face in your hands as you kiss the mole right under his eye, the mole on his cheek, the mole on the tip of his nose, and basically the rest of his face.

He opens his eyes when the onslaught of kisses stops, your lips hovering just above his, and you’re close, so close, to the point that he inhales every minty exhale of yours, and you think that this really is life now—just existing and exchanging breaths, rainy mornings spent in bed despite the forgotten half-cooked pancakes in the kitchen, discussing major life decisions while tangled up under the sheets, fighting over your dog’s affection. This is life now, with this man that you love so much.

What a wonderful way to live, you muse.

“Taetae.” You whisper.

“What is it?” He asks. “And why are we whispering?”

You smile and inch forward to close the gap between you, hyperaware of the little pushes and pulls, the tentative way in which he swipes his tongue against the seam of your lips. You let him in, tilting your head to the side to deepen the kiss, and his hands come up to settle on your thighs, gently sliding over them up and down. It sends goosebumps and shivers throughout your entire body, making you feel a little lightheaded and warm. 

“I love you. Always." You finally say as you break apart for breath.

He smiles and brings a hand up to tuck your hair behind your ear, then he looks into your eyes and you momentarily get lost in his inky black pools that are always swimming with so much wonder. You wonder where he stores it all, if he has pockets inside of his pockets where he’s supposed to keep all his patience and love for you. He never seems to run out, and the way he looks at you makes you want to keep going everyday, to live up to the person he pours his life into. 

There’s a word for this moment—the way you’re cuddling and kissing in this slightly chilly morning in your home, with your dog (the first out of the five that Taehyung is adamant on having) snoozing quietly in the corner. You think of happiness, the kind that bubbles up from butterflies in your stomach to uncontrollable giggles that spill from your smiling lips. You think of love, the kind that you’re always so dangerously full of and never lacking, thanks to the man lying underneath you. You think of bliss, a sense of utter peace that washes away the noises in your mind and around you, a sense of absolute safety and security that you will never have to go through anything alone ever again. You think of perfection, how your relationship completely takes on a different meaning of the word because it includes both the good and the bad in your life and still manages to amount to something this beautiful and precious. 

You could spend hours and hours just trying to find the word to describe this moment, this feeling that’s pounding against your ribcage. Maybe it’ll come to you randomly tomorrow or maybe it’ll take you years to find it. But you don’t find yourself rushing to figure it out. Right now, right at this very moment and until the foreseeable future, unearthing your feelings and letting this life you have together bloom is what truly matters. With Yeontan in the corner, with Taehyung’s heart beating against yours, and with time on your side. So maybe you’ll find the word, maybe you won’t. And you find that it’s okay.