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Bachira Meguru was always alone.
As a child he had, as his mother said, a beautiful imagination. This imagination led to the creation of Bachira’s first friend. This friend didn’t have a name or a body. It was a shadow, a representation of all the things tiny Bachira felt. It was the shadow that Bachira explored the world with, played soccer with, talked with. Why? Because no one at school would /ever/ be seen talking to him. After all, he was the kid who talked to himself and played soccer with an imaginary friend. Instead, they made a joke out of it. Who could provoke him until he burst, who could make him cry the hardest, it was like a game to them.
Weirdo. Freak. Monster.
They were all the names Bachira heard daily. From elementary school to high school, it was constant. He remembers coming home from school on a particularly bad day. There were tears in his eyes and he asked his mom if what they said was true. Was he really a freak? Did he really deserve everything that was happening? His mom just held him in her arms and said no, they were just jealous of his mind. She told him people feared the things they didn’t understand and he was too great to be understood by the likes of them. Bachira wanted to believe her, truly he did. But words hurt, and as he got older, nothing really changed. They were just secretive about it now. He was ignored and talked about behind his back. It was one tormenting day after the other. Bachira often wondered if it would be like this forever, if he was destined to be alone forever.
Then Bachira met him.
Isagi Yoichi was the new student who had just moved into the district. He had a pretty smile, kind eyes, and an extreme love for soccer. A small part of Bachira hoped they could become friends, but he knew it was unlikely. He doubted the other would give him the time of day, no one did after they heard the rumors. The other students made sure to warn anyone new about the freak in class 2-A. So when Isagi was instructed to take the empty seat next to Bachira, he thought nothing of it. Just another person who would end up ignoring him. Just another day of getting his hopes up only for them to be crushed like an ant under a boot. But the first thing Isagi did when he sat down, was smile at him. Bachira thought he was dreaming even more so when throughout the class Isagi talked to Bachira as if they were old friends. He did this every single day. It made his heart race. Was this friendship?
“Are you my friend?” Bachira ended up asking one day during lunch break. He expected the answer to be no. Part of him believed this was all just some elaborate joke to mess with him. As if Isagi and the others would start laughing at him any minute now because Bachira having friends was a crazy idea. But nothing like that happened. Instead, Isagi gave him a questioned look and laughed. “Duh, I thought it was obvious man.” Isagi responded, stuffing his face as if it meant nothing. But it meant everything to Bachira. For the first time, in a long time, he broke out into a real smile.
“Wanna come over after school? We can play soccer?” It had been three months since Bachira had confirmed his friendship with Isagi. The two boys hung out daily and invitations like that one were common as Isagi and Bachira both adored soccer. For Bachira, life had gotten so much brighter. When Bachira was alone, the world always seemed to have a dull, grey feeling to it. Nothing ever sparked much joy in him except soccer, but even then, playing by yourself can only be so fun. But with Isagi, the world lit up with color. Brilliant blues like the color of his eyes were everywhere, the warmth of the yellow sun surrounded him, the lush green grass of the fields they played on popped out, Bachira had never seen something so beautiful. It was like heaven on Earth for the boy. He wouldn’t give up this feeling for anything in the world. Quickly he gathered his things, ready to get out of the prison people called school.
“At this point you don’t even need to ask, I was coming over whether you liked it or not.” Bachira cheekily responded, throwing his arm over Isagi’s shoulder. He ignored the pounding in his chest and continued, “I still want a rematch from yesterday.” Yesterday Bachira and Isagi had a one on one match in which Isagi was the ultimate winner. Bachira says he let him win, Isagi says he just has overwhelming skill, so they agree to disagree. Today though, today Bachira would get him back. Isagi gave the other boy a grin and the pair began to make their way out of the school.
A younger classmate was at their locker as they spotted the two boys leaving. They quickly noticed a few things, both boys smiled at each other like they were the only two in the world and wherever they went, eyes followed. But the eyes only followed on of the boys, the one with yellow eyes and slightly long hair. They weren’t the curious type of stares, no, they had a hostile feeling to them. It was then the student noticed the anxious way the black haired boy tapped his leg as he tried hard to ignore the stares others gave. For a fleeting second, the student wondered just what happened in that boy's world, only to shrug the thought away and tear their gaze away moving on from the situation.
-
Hours later, the two boys collapsed onto the ground next to each other. Sweat dripped down their faces as they breathed heavily from all the running around. A smile laid upon Bachira’s face, he won, but that wasn’t why he was happy. Playing soccer with Isagi, being in the presence of someone who actually wanted him there, it was euphoric. His eyes travelled from the sk to the face of the blue eyed boy beside him. Even like this, sweaty and tired, Bachira thought Isagi was beautiful. Bachira wasn’t expecting those eyes to meet his though, Isagi’s blue melted into Bachira’s yellow.
“Wanna try out for the soccer team with me?”
The smile on Bachira’s face dropped. The soccer team, it wasn’t like Bachira didn’t want to join. But half the boys on the soccer team also tormented him as a child and some still do now. It’s not like Isagi knew that though. Anyone who still tried to mess with him did so in the least obvious ways possible and never with other people around. Besides, Bachira would never tell Isagi, he doesn’t want to look pathetic in front of his first and only friend. Yet how was he going to explain to Isagi that no, he won’t join the soccer team, without explaining the circumstances behind it. Isagi looked excited too, there was a sparkle in his eyes that tempted Bachira to just say ‘yes’ to see it more. Except he couldn’t, he knew he couldn’t. So he just gave Isagi an apologetic look, and shook his head.
“School activities really aren’t my thing. I’d rather play for an outside team or just practice by myself, I’m sorry.” Bachira tells Isagi as he sits up, eyes down cast to his fidgeting hands. He didn’t want to see the disappointed look that he knew was on Isagi’s face right now. Part of him wanted to get up and run so he wouldn’t have to face the others reaction. But nothing like that occurred. Instead, Isagi just sat up and let his head fall onto Bachira’s shoulder. “Aww man. I wanted to be on the same team as you and show everyone our badass teamwork. But if that’s how you feel, I won’t force you.” Isagi’s words washed over Bachira like a wave. He wasn’t mad? He just agreed so quickly without a second thought, no pressure to explain further, no judgment, just acceptance. Bachira felt like a million pounds of pressure was lifted off his shoulders. A smile took over the boy's face and he let his head rest on top of Isagi’s. Bchira felt warm, his heart was beating so fast he thought maybe Isagi could hear it, the butterflies in his stomach were going crazy. But he loved the feeling, so he relished in the moment, enjoying the freedom he felt when he was with Isagi.
After a few moments, Isagi stood up. He brushed the grass off his body and extended a hand to Bachira. There was a bright smile on his face, it made Bachira melt. “C’mon, let's go to the lookout before it gets dark, we can watch the sunset!” Isagi said. The lookout was a small bench that sat at the top of a hill off a hiking trail. The two boys discovered it when they strayed away from the marked path in hopes to find a little adventure. It overlooked the small town they lived in and was their own secret getaway from the world.’A little slice of paradise’ is what Bachira called it and Isagi was inclined to agree. The lookout gave them a place to just be themselves without the watchful eyes of society. Bachira loved the lookout, even more so when he was there with Isagi. It gave him a place to feel safe, a second home he knew he could trust. So with ease, he took Isagi’s outreached hand and pulled himself, but he didn’t dare to let go. He flashed the other boy a winning smile and said, “Let’s go!”
At that moment a stranger walked by the green fields and they saw two boys sitting peacefully. In their head, they noticed just how content the two seemed to be in said moment. So they watched for a few seconds longer, and they saw the blue eyed boy pull the other up only to run towards a place only they seemed to know. They noticed the linked hands, the secret gazes, and the fondness that swam in both boys' eyes. So they smiled, because the happiness the two radiated while together was infectious and then they went on their way.
-
By the time the two boys reached their destination, the sun had just begun to set. The blue of the sky melted into bright yellows and vivid oranges. It was the type of sunset that could put anyone at ease. Anyone but Bachira. Said boy was seated down on a bench next to Isagi, who seemed so close yet so far away. Bachira couldn’t focus on the beauty of the sunset, because even that didn’t hold a candle to the beauty Isagi held. In this light, it was like the other boy glowed, it made Bachira’s heart race even more than usual. He wanted to reach out, say something, anything, but his voice was lost. His mind told him that if he said anything, he would destroy the moment they shared. He probably could have stayed staring like that for hours, but as the sun dropped so did the temperature. A cold breeze passed by them and Bachira found himself shivering. He forgot to bring a jacket, so with chattering teeth he wrapped his own arms around himself trying to warm up. And then the unexpected happened.
A heavy piece of fabric hit Bachira square in the face followed by, “Here, you look cold.” In a fit of confusion, the yellow-eyed boy tore the piece of clothing off his face to see Isagi with a slight blush on his face. Bachira let his eyes fall to what was in his hands. A sweater, more importantly, Isagi’s sweater. Bachira felt his entire face heat up. “I can’t take this! Won’t you be cold?” He said handing it back over. Truth be told, Bachira wanted nothing more than to put the sweater on, but that would make him look too desperate. But Isagi just let out a breathy laugh that reminded Bachira of bells. “I’m fine, I’m wearing a long sleeve anyways. Besides, I’ll feel warm seeing you warm too.” Isagi’s words shouldn’t have affected Bachira so badly, but they did because Bachira melted. A smile stretched across his face as he nodded with a quick ‘okay’. Easily he slipped on the other’s sweater, it fit perfectly. It smelled just like Isagi and it made Bachira feel safe. He tells himself he shouldn’t get too excited, it’s just a sweater, just polyester. But he can’t help it, he can’t help how happy he feels.
“It looks better on you,” come’s Isagi’s voice, “the sweater I mean.”
Those words stop Bachira’s heart. When he looks up, his eyes meet those of the other boy. What he sees takes his breath away. At this point, the sun has fully set and in the depths of Isagi’s dark blue eyes, Bachira can see the stars. ‘I’m in love with him’. That’s the first thought to cross his mind and it’s the first time he’s actually admitted to himself. But in this moment, it feels like maybe, maybe, Isagi is thinking the same exact thing.
The air around them feels magnetic. Bachira finds himself slowly moving closer to Isagi, eyes never leaving his. It seems Isagi had the same idea because soon, they are inches away. Up close like this, Bachira can count the stars that swim in Isagi’s eyes. The silence that engulfs them is electrifying, it crackles,waiting for one of them to cave and cause an explosion.
“Hey Bachira,” Isagi whispers into the wind, “Can I kiss you?”
Bachira doesn’t know how to tell Isagi that yes, yes he can kiss him because Bachira has been waiting for him to do that for weeks. So instead, he just nods and that’s all it takes for Isagi’s lips to meet his. The first kiss is innocent, a slight brush of the lips, just a spark. But that was all it took to cause an explosion. Isagi kisses Bachira again, this time harder and Bachira falls right into it. His hands tangle into Isagi’s hair while Isagi lets his hands fall onto Bachira’s cheeks, lightly drawing him in closer. Bachira doesn’t know how long they kiss but when they part, he’s breathless. A part of him wants to believe it’s just a dream, that it’s not real and that when he opens his eyes he’ll be in his bed. But that doesn’t happen. Instead, when his eyes open, they met Isagi’s again. Isagi’s breathing is slightly labored and his hair is tousled from Bachira running his hands through it. And he smiles, that pretty smile only ever reserved for Bachira. It makes Bachira laugh, a small little giggle because he can’t believe this is reality for him. He can’t believe he got to kiss the boy of his dreams, he can’t believe he was wearing the sweater of the boy of his dreams, and he can’t believe after everything he had been through, he could feel this happy.
“I love when you laugh.” The words are whispered into the space between them. Bachira almost doesn’t hear it. But there Isagi is, giving him the fondest of smiles. It sends Bachira’s heart soaring. ‘I love you’ is what Bachira wanted to say in return, but even now he didn’t have that type of courage. So instead, he connects their lips again and lets electricity consume him.
That night, the moon and the stars are witness to two boys finally letting go the feelings they hold back. They witness the beginning of a melancholy love story.
-
For two weeks, everything was perfect. The kiss Isagi and Bachira shared had completely changed everything.
For Bachira it felt like heaven on Earth. Bachira and Isagi still hung out together after school, but it was different now. Now, they would walk home with their pinkies locked, they would sit at the soccer field with Bachira in Isagi’s sweater and whoever won gave the other a kiss, they would have secret dates at the lookout, and so much more. Every day was like a dream for Bachira because Isagi was all his.
Then he wasn’t.
Then soccer tryouts happened. Not to say Bachira isn’t supportive of Isagi but he’s scared. He’s scared of what the boys on that team will say about him. He’s afraid of Isagi realizing that there are so many better people he could spend his time with and he’ll leave him. Thoughts like that tore Bachira apart everyday. It kept him up at night to the point he was too tired to hide the bags under his eyes. He didn’t think anyone would notice, but Isagi did, he always does.
The day before tryouts the two had been in Isagi’s room playing games on Isagi’s console. Bachira was seated on Isagi’s lap on the floor, the remote in his hand but he was too tired to try. It must have been obvious that Bachira wasn’t feeling well because Isagi paused the game. “Okay, what’s wrong?” He said with a huff. Bachira turned his body so he could see Isagi and gave him a questioning look. “What do you mean?” He had responded. Isagi just huffed again, his eyes glaring at Bachira. The yellow eyed boy just tilted his head, he really didn’t know what Isagi was talking about. Once Isagi saw this, he rolled his eyes and brought his hands up to Bachira’s cheeks. He pushed his head to one side and then the other, as if inspecting him. When Bachira had enough of it, he grabbed a hold of Isagi’s hands with his own and intertwined them. “What are you doing??” He asked, now annoyed. “You’ve been acting weird. You nap in class more, you’re smiling less, and the bags under your eyes have gotten bigger. I’m worried.” Isagi told him, a pout on his face. It was sweet, but Bachira felt like crying.
No one besides his mom has ever cared this much about him. Isagi saw everything, he was attentive and sweet and just so good. ‘Too good to be true’ a voice said in the back of his head, but Bachira pushed it away. Instead he focused on the way Isagi’s brows furrowed when he pouted which made him look even cuter. Bachira blinked away the tears that pricked his eyes and leaned forward to kiss the pout off Isagi’s lips. Just a quick peck to make the other stop pouting. He lets go of Isagi’s hands which immediately he drops to rest at Bachira’s waist. Bachira then takes Isagi’s face into his hands and gives him a soft smile, “I’m fine angel, really. I just haven’t been sleeping well recently. Nightmares and all.” Bachira assures the boy in front of him. Isagi still doesn’t look like he buys it, but it must have been enough for him to let it go. “Okay… but if something is wrong you can talk to me. I’m here for you.” Those words warmed Bachira’s heart, he couldn’t stop the smile that appeared. So he gave Isagi a quick peck on the cheek followed by a small ‘I know’. With the conversation over, Bachira turned back around and let himself rest against Isagi’s chest. He felt the other drop a kiss of reassurance onto the top of his head, as if to remind Bachira that he was always there to listen. It was a sweet thought but Isagi didn’t know how much Bachira really held back. Bachira was afraid of what it meant to open up. What if he told Isagi all his fears, all his worries, all the thoughts that plagued him, and it scared the other away. What if Isagi was really messing with him and it was just a ploy to learn his secrets. What if Isagi thought he was too much trouble and dropped him. He couldn’t let that happen, Bachira wouldn’t ever let that happen.
That was a week ago. The day after Isagi tried out for the soccer team. Bachira had waited for him to get done with tryouts to go home. When Isagi got out of tryouts and saw Bachira he ran towards him with the biggest smile. He wrapped his arms around Bachira’s waist and spun him in the air happily saying, “I did it! I did it! I made the team!” Bachira was happy to see the other so happy. But his heart clenched, it meant Isagi would spend less time with him. When Isagi had finally put him down Bachira smiled and said, “Isagi that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!” He really did look happier than ever. The love he had for soccer was admirable and Bachira almost wishes he had the same courage to try-out too. But that was just a simple wish. Bachira was broken out of his train of thought when Isagi grabbed his hand, “Let's celebrate.” Isagi had said, “we can get some food to go and eat at the lookout. Just me and you.” Bachira definitely liked the idea, but insecurity gnawed at his heart, “Are you sure that’s how you wanna celebrate?” He asked doubt in his voice with his eyes downcast. But Isagi had just squeezed his hand and said, “Yup, it’s exactly what I want.” Bachira’s heart swelled and he just nodded, “Okay”.
So that’s what they did, that night they got takeout from a nearby restaurant, hiked to the lookout, and spent the night enjoying each other's presence until they had to go home. But that was the last night Isagi spent at Bachira’s side for a long time.
As soccer practices started, Isagi got more and more busy. Practices ran late, Isagi started making plans with the boys from his team, and as more people noticed his talent for soccer more people hovered around him during the school day. That’s not to say they never saw each other. On the weekends, Isagi was usually reserved for Bachira. Bachira told Isagi it didn't bother him, he told him that he was happy seeing him doing something he loved. Only one of those was the truth though. Because it did bother Bachira, it bothered him horribly.
His insecurities ate him up inside. They told him that Isagi was distancing himself, trying to escape the pity that kept him around Bachira. They told him Bachira was nothing to Isagi, just someone to use until he found someone better. Why would Isagi never confirm their relationship? Why would Isagi only show affection in private? Why didn’t Isagi ever call Bachira his boyfriend? Was Bachira crazy to think Isagi loved him just as much as he loved Isagi? He felt like every little thing brought upon a new set of worries for him and Isagi wasn’t there to help him. It was like he was drowning in a lake while Isagi floated at the top, unable to hear Bachira cry out for help.
It was torture, but Bachira endured it.
He endured it for the little moments that still made his heart race. For example the selfies Isagi would send him after practice ended or the way Isagi would leave secret notes in his desk everyday. It was the small things that kept Bachira from completely breaking down. But even those couldn't save him from what would happen next.
It happened on a Tuesday, two months after their first kiss and one month since soccer started. A pretty girl had wandered up to Isagi and Bachira’s desk with a pretty smile laced on her lips. On the outside, she looked like a sweet and innocent girl, but something in the way her eyes glinted when she smiled at Isagi made Bachira think she was anything but. She proceeded to invite Isagi to a party, “My parents are gone all weekend. It's gonna be super fun, even more so if you come Isagi.” Bachira felt his hands curl into balls, nails digging into his skin. She was flirting with him. He wanted to say something, but he bit his tongue, it wasn’t his place. Besides, from the way Isagi didn’t react he probably didn’t even notice the flirting anyways. “Sure, I’m down. Can Bachira come too?” Isagi asked innocently yet it made Bachira freeze up. Him and parties definitely wouldn’t mix well. He almost refused, but he wouldn’t leave Isagi alone at a party, especially if it meant girls like her would be flirting up a storm with him. Said girl gave Bachira an annoyed look, but nodded anyways. “Awesome!” Isagi exclaimed, “See you then!” The girl just waved goodbye before walking away, a sway in her hips.
“Our first high school party! Doesn’t it sound fun?” Isagi had asked, turning to face Bachira. Bachira could only offer a weak smile. “Sounds great.” He responded in a quiet voice. He then rested his head on the desk facing away from Isagi. His brain already conjuring up millions of ways the party could go wrong.
A classmate nearby had seen the whole interaction go down. He saw how oblivious Isagi was to the girl’s advancements and saw how quickly Bachira got worked up. He saw how eager Isagi was for Bachira’s excitement, only to be met with disinterest. He saw how quick Isagi’s smile turned to a frown when Bachira looked away, and just from observing he could see how trouble both boys looked. The classmate only wondered just how the party might go down. But not the classmate or the two boys were prepared for the events that would take place that Saturday night.
-
It was finally Saturday. The day of the party.
Bachira had spent hours picking out an outfit, only to end up in simple black jeans and a simple black t-shirt. His nerves were running wild, it was his first party afterall. But they weren’t nerves of excitement, no they were nerves born out of fear. Bachira was terrified of what the night would bring him. Most of the people there wouldn’t even know who he was and if they did know who he was they probably hated him either way. He wanted to make up an excuse not to go, really he did. Bt Isagi was so excited. He talked about it all week with sparkles in his eyes and when he’d ask Bachira if he was excited too the boy with yellow eyes could only say yes so he could preserve the happiness that the other radiated. But he wasn’t excited, instead he felt like he was being engulfed by different waves of fear over and over again. His stomach hurt from how nervous he was, his head pounding. Yet he still sent Isagi an ‘I’m on my way!’ text and he still walked out of the door of his house towards the party because he had to do this. He had to do it not only for himself but for Isag too.
If only he had known what trouble hid underneath the water.
Bachira stood outside the party with shaking hands. Even from outside he could see how packed it was. He was sure students from other schools were here too, it made him sick just thinking about it. It was loud too, the blasting music could be heard from outside where he stood. ‘Go home.’ His brain told him, but Bachira ignored it and opened the door anyways. The inside was worse than he could imagine. The sights, sounds, and smell took over his senses in the worst way possible. The music was too loud, the flashing party lights were too bright, and it smelled like cheap perfumes mixed with sweat. Bachira couldn’t hate it more if he tried. He would just find Isagi and try to spend the rest of his night with no problems. Then he and Isagi could go home, that’s all Bachira really wanted anyways.
The boy tried to weave his way through the crowd without any problems. He kept his head down and moved quickly, eyes searching for one certain person. Isagi wasn’t answering his texts so he would just have to search. What he found instead, was the kitchen. Hot from moving around so much in such crowded areas, he decided to get himself some water. He grabbed a plastic cup from the counter and filled it, but his attention was caught when he heard something, a laugh. It sounded just like Isagi’s. With his attention elsewhere, he didn’t notice the cup overflowing.
‘Oh shit.” He whispered, quickly turning off the tap. The water had spilled all over his hand and the bottom of the sink. But at least it was contained, he didn’t have to clean it up. Quickly he wiped his hand off and took a sip of the water, it was just what he needed to calm himself down. Then he heard it again, the laugh, this time it was louder and Bachira smiled. This time he knew for sure, that was Isagi’s laugh. It was like the light at the end of a dark tunnel for him. Isagi was his person, he made him feel safe like no one else could. His laugh calmed the waves of anxiety that hit Bachira. It gave him hope that maybe tonight wouldn’t be so bad. So he followed the sound. With each step he took, water slightly spilled from the cup in his hand, as if waiting to burst. But when Bachira stilled, so did the water.
Then it dropped, hitting the floor violently. Water spilled all over the floor, it was everywhere, impossible to contain, impossible to clean up and fix. Just like Bachira’s heart when he saw what was in front of him.
There on a couch, surrounded by boys from his soccer team, sat Isagi. He was laughing at something being said by one of the boys, but that wasn’t what Bachira was focused on. No, Bachira was focused on the girl with a very familiar sweater wrapped around her boy, he was focused on the hand he loves to hold wrapped around the shoulder of said girl, he was focused on the sound of his own heart breaking. He felt like he couldn’t breath, every insecurity he’s ever felt clogged his brain leaving him no space to remember to breathe. His own tears blurred his eyes, he couldn't see all the people watching him, Isagi watching him. He wanted to run so badly but he was frozen, that is, until he felt Isagi grab his wrist.
It broke him out of the trance and he was met with concerned blue eyes. Isagi was moving his mouth like he was saying something, but Bachira couldn’t hear it. Maybe it was because of the music or just because he refused to listen, but he saw him. And in that moment, something in Bachira snapped. He ripped his arm out of the other boy's grasp and ran.
He ran out of that cursed house, ignoring the blatant stares others gave him and the sound of Isagi’s voice calling after him. He didn’t care, not anymore. He let the tears run down his face, he let every emotion he held back spill over. Bachira was at his both his strongest and weakest right now. That’s why, when he finally slowed down, he turned to face the one chasing him. He was too tired to run, he's been running for so long. He had ignored the sound of Isagi’s voice which followed him as he ran, but now he was done. Maybe it was the adrenaline he had from running or the fact that he felt nothing could get worse than this, but he was done running away from the things that scared him.
“Thank god you finally stopped,” came Isagi’s voice as he caught up. He was standing a few feet away from the other, obviously out of breath. “What happened? Why’d you run away like that? Are you okay?” He said once he had caught his breath. He sounded so innocent, as if he had no idea what made Bachira upset. It infuriated Bachira.
“Are you kidding me right now?” Bachira says scoffing at the other, his entire body is shaking. “/What’s wrong/ you ask. Do you think I’m dumb Isagi, is that it?” He continues, tears are welling up in his eyes once again. Isagi looks even more confused now, like he didn’t do anything wrong, like he didn’t put the pieces of Bachira’s heart together only to shatter it so easily in one night. “What? I- No! Of course not.” Isagi responded, desperation in his voice.
“Well that’s what it feels like Isagi.” Bachira yells back, voice breaking. Bachira can feel the tears rolling down his face, the sobs caught in his throat, but he keeps going. He has nothing to lose now. “What did you think? Did you think you could just string me along like some puppy? Am I a toy to you? Did you think you could use me until I bored you, until you found something shiny and new? Because I’m not.” Bachira is full on yelling now, eyes never leaving Isagi. “I’m not, Isagi. I’m a human being. A person, with feelings. And god, I felt so much for you. For years, I had been alone. No one talked to me, no one liked me, it was just me and my thoughts. And then I met you. And you flipped my world upside down. You gave me a reason to keep going everyday, you gave me a reason to smile, and I loved it.” Bachira let out a shaky breath, “I loved you, Isagi.”
Bachira always dreamed of the day he would tell Isagi he loved him. He imagined intertwined hands and stolen kisses and a sweet breeze blowing. He imagined it as a quiet whisper in the other boy's ear or as a loud declaration. He dreamed of the other boy saying it back, he dreamed of a happy day. He never dreamed it would happen like this, screamed out in the middle of the night and carried by a cold wind.
“But I was just a game to you wasn’t I? You didn’t care about me, no one does. But it’s fine because I don’t need you, I don’t need anyone. I just need myself because that’s how it’s always been and that’s how it will always be.” With that, Bachira turned away from the other. He didn’t want to hear what he had to say. He didn’t care to entertain the endless excuses that would spill from his mouth.
“Bachira!” He heard Isagi call, but he kept walking. “Please wait!” He said again, but still Bachira kept walking. Then a hand grabbed his shoulder, forcibly he was turned to face Isagi. Tears were swimming in the oceans that were Isagi’s eyes, but Bachira felt nothing. “Please, listen to me, you don’t understand-” Isagi started until Bachira cut him off, “No I understand plenty.”
Bachira took Isagi’s hand off him and stepped back. “Go back to the party Isagi, there’s a girl in your sweater waiting for you. So leave me alone.” Bachira’s eyes were cold, the warm yellow that he onced looked at Isagi with gone. It must have been enough because slowly, Isagi began to step away from him. That was all Bachira needed to see before turning and stalking off. He needed to get out of there and he had only one place in mind he wanted to go.
That night, no one else was around to witness the two boys who were torn apart. However, fate works in funny ways and it had its eyes on Bachira and Isagi.
-
Bachira sat at the lookout, cold.
He was exhausted, all the emotions and fighting broke him down. But he was safe now, at least, that’s what he tried to tell himself. He tried to tell himself that it’s okay, he didn’t need Isagi or anyone. After all, it had always been just him for the longest time. The only thing he needed was himself. But that was a lie.
It was a lie because as Bachira became friends with Isagi he learned something. He hated being by himself. At least when Bachira was a child he had his monster, and sure, the monster wasn’t real, but it made his situation so much more bearable. As he got older though, he stopped believing in his monster and it disappeared too. Bachira realized just how numb he was before Isagi. Isagi came into Bachira’s life and completely changed it from a numb, cold world, to a warm, happy world. But just like everything else Bachira held close, that slipped away too.
“Oh.” Bachira whispered into the wind, he was crying. A small laugh left his lips and he used his hands to wipe the falling tears away. “Why, why am I crying?” He whispered again. He shouldn’t be crying, Isagi didn’t deserve tears shed for him. But Bachira knew he was lying again. “Stop crying, please.” He tried to say but the tears just kept flowing. Bachira furiously wiped them away, repeating different pleads to himself to just stop crying. But nothing worked. Bachira could feel his own heart breaking in his chest as the realization washed over him and his sobs echoed into the dark, cold night.
Bachira Meguru was alone, again.
-TBC-