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During his days at university Jon had been in a band called the Mechanisms. They were pretty successful and had a dedicated audience that would come to their gigs. There were a few faces he had come to recognize throughout the years of fans that turned up time and time again.
He liked knowing the regular faces. It made him feel better, knowing that people liked what they did enough to come time and time again, that people didn’t come to a show and then abandoned it, finding it wasn’t for them after all.
What he hadn’t expected was to see one of those familiar faces at his workplace.
The man in front of him was one of the faces he knew best. He had been there since one of their very first performances, he always stayed in the back and never came up to them after shows, but he was always there.
Jon had started looking for him in the audience, making sure to make at least a comment or gesture in his direction whenever he could. (He also might have a small crush on the man, but he couldn’t help it. He was tall and soft and his smile was adorably radiant.)
But now he was standing in front of him in a completely different setting, where Jonathan was just Jon not Jonny. He didn’t have that bravado in real life nor the confidence. He also didn’t want that part of him known at work, he had just gotten a promotion and he had worked for that. He didn’t want anyone to see him as unprofessional.
This is all backstory to explain why he didn’t say anything, but instead just looked at the other. The man shuffled awkwardly and stuck out his hand as he said: “I, uhm, I’m Martin, Martin Blackwood. I’m one of the assistants assigned here. It’s nice to meet you.”
Snapping out of it, Jon introduced himself as well: “I’m Jonathan Sims, the archivist. Pleasure.”
Martin, as he now knew the man was called, didn’t seem to recognize him and he was glad for it. On one hand he wanted to get to know the Martin, but keeping him at a distance so that he would never make the connection was a very tempting possibility.
He did the latter.
He knew it was the cowardly choice, but he had soon realized that although Tim was a good worker, he also lived to tease Jon and Jon could not just hand him that ammunition. But it was also hard to keep Martin at a distance. He was naturally caring and friendly, always ready for some chattering or making Jon some tea.
Yes, Martin made it very hard to not love him.
Still, Jon tried. He didn’t know when it had become so important none of his assistants made the connection between him and his musical past, but it was and Martin would be the first to do it. This was why Jon had started to actively try to push him away.
Jon wasn’t dumb. He knew Martin didn’t deserve it, but Jon had never claimed he wasn’t stupid. He had convinced himself this was the best course of action. He wasn’t someone anyone would love and letting Martin make the connection would only end in heartbreak for him and disappointment for Martin.
Martin liked the Mechanisms, he liked Jonny d’Ville.
Not Jon.
Jon was nothing like Jonny d’Ville. No, pushing him away was better for the both of them.
He kept believing that for a long time, but then Martin disappeared. Martin texted him he was sick with stomach issues and Jon believed him of course, but that didn’t stop the unease from crawling up his spine as the days turned into weeks and Martin still wasn’t back.
He blew up Martins phone with messages, hoping the other wouldn’t mind and Sasha and Tim would never find out. He also lashed out more at Martin, to release stress and hide the worry he felt. Not excusable, but the truth.
Then Martin returned and Jon felt sick as he gave his statement. Martin, kind and sweet Martin, who never got mad at anyone, had been stuck inside while he got attacked and no one had noticed.
Jon wanted to invite him to stay with him, safe and far away from anything paranormal that was hunting him, but that would be a dead give away with all the Mechs stuff there and highly unprofessional, so instead he just offered him a place in the archives.
Martin seemed so relieved he believed him, telling him about the worm he had taken with him to show to Jon he wasn’t lying. Jon had to swallow at that, the fact that Martin had put himself in extra danger just to prove to him he wasn’t a liar. So, Jon resolved to do better.
It was after a few months since Martin had returned from the siege on his flat. He had been living in the archives not really leaving the safety of the walls, but Jon knew he’d leave this weekend. He knew, because he was going to perform with his band this weekend nearby.
He was sure Martin wouldn’t miss it and he hoped he would have a good night, he deserved it, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t terrified that being in close proximity with Jon for so long would make it easier to make the connection.
He stood backstage in full get up, peering through the curtain into the audience in search of a familiar face. From behind him Jessica asked: “Who are you looking for, Jonny?”
He startled and looked around. Then he blushed and admitted: “Uhm, Martin, a coworker.”
Getting some questions about Martin, he hurriedly said: “Oh no, he doesn’t know it’s me, or if he has he hasn’t said. We’ve seen him before, he’s almost always there. He’s the tall one, with the light brown hair and the nice smile? I don’t want him to make the connection, but he’s been having it rough lately, so I hoped I’d see him here and I could rest knowing he at least had one fun thing.”
“Ahw, does little Jonny have a crush.” Tim teased him.
Jon blushed some more and told him to shut up. Then it was time to go one stage and he didn’t have time to look again as he started the show:
“Like whiskey laced with gasoline, we’ll get you stinking drunk
So shut your face and settle down, you sneering little punks
For space is vast and you are small, it’s black and bitter cold
The book is lying open. There are tales to be told.”
It was only when they were partway through Once Upon a Time (In Space) he managed to locate Martin in the crowd. He was in the back like usual and although he looked more tired than normal, his smile was as bright as Jon remembered it.
The show went on and Jon couldn’t help his gaze from gliding over to Martin. He was clapping along and having a good time. Once Jon made direct eye contact with him and winked. He was silently a bit mortified at the gesture, but he thought he saw Martin blush and smile wider, which made it worth the embarrassment.
His fellow Mechs noticed how he was mostly focused on the one corner, but none made fun of him, mostly. At one point he didn’t fill a silence between the works in favor of checking up on Martin and Tim ribbed: “The corner interesting, Jonny?”
He shot him a glare and gave him the finger as he told him: “Fuck off, I was just speechless by the ugliness of these people. I mean, really? Even you’re pretty in comparison and that is saying a lot.”
Falling back into his character and paying more attention to the flow of the show.
After what felt like a week that passed in a second the show was over and the band went backstage to take a breather, before returning to mingle with the audience. Jon talked to people left and right, just enjoying the feeling that came with a good show.
What he hadn’t expected was to come face to face with Martin. As stated before, Martin usually stayed in the background and never came over after a show, normally choosing to leave right away.
Jon didn’t know what to say, just blinking stupidly at Martin for a second. When he realized how awkward it was he quickly smiled and said: “You stayed! Sorry, I recognize you, you’ve been to a lot of the shows, but you never stayed, so I was kind of surprised. Apologies.”
Martin blushed: “Oh, sorry. I didn’t think, you’d seen me. I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“Oh, it wasn’t at all. You’re not required to stay.” Jon said, it was clear that Martin had not recognized him yet and to keep it that way he stayed as far away from how he was at work. Besides, this was the perfect opportunity to just talk to Martin, no history or barriers.
“Ah, okay, thank you.” Martin replied, “I never had the time, but I just had to be outside tonight just all bad right now, sorry, no need to say that. Anyway, I thought why not come over, you know?”
“I hope we were a suitable distraction.” Jon told him.
“You were.” Martin said warmly, “It was a great show, like usually of course, but somehow you’re better each time. I had a lot of fun, thank you.”
“And thank you. I’m glad.” Jon smiled at him, his cheeks were hurting a bit, but he would keep smiling to make Martin happy and comfortable.
It was silent between them then and Martin blushed: “I, uh, I never thought of what to say when I actually worked up to courage to come over.”
“That’s alright.” Jon said, before he realized he wasn’t good at small talk at all, the only starter he had was asking about someones job and he knew that wouldn’t be smart. He floundered for a second, then said: “I could introduce you to the others. We’re just drinking a pint at the bar right now.”
He immediately face palmed internally. He hoped none of the others would throw him under the bus and ruin this as he lead Martin over to them.
When they got there he said: “Hello, this is, uhm, sorry never got your name.”
“Martin.” Martin told him.
Jon nodded and repeated: “Martin, yes. He’s a fan of ours and has had it bad as of late and needs a drink.”
He guided Martin to a seat as the others introduced themselves. Ben, god bless his soul, shot him a questioning brow and Jon shook his head behind Martins head, indicating Martin had not realized. The others saw and decided to have mercy on him as they drank their pint in peace, just chattering among themselves and with Martin.
It was a good night and Jon just knew that this would keep him going for weeks and help him sleep when the unease and stress got to be too much. Martin seemed happy as well, which was a good sign. Martin deserved something nice right now.
At work that Monday, Jon overheard Martin and Tim chatting in the break room when he walked past on his way to get a statement. Tim asked: “So how was your weekend? Not too lonely in here, I hope.”
“Not at all.” Martin said and you could hear the smile in his voice, “I went to see a band, the Mechanisms. They’re not household names and not everyones taste, but I like them and it was a good show. I actually drank a pint with them after the show and they were lovely people.”
“Good to hear, man.” Tim said.
“Yeah.” Martin replied.
Jon didn’t hear what was said next, because Sasha came round the corner and Jon hurried off to avoid suspicion.
It wasn’t really mentioned again after that. Jon could sometimes hear Martin hum a familiar tune under his breath or hear his own voice float down the halls when he left or came into work.
But a lot happened, they got attacked by worms, found Gertrude's body and Jon went down a path of paranoia his relationships and mental health never really recovered from. He and the Mechs rarely did gigs anymore and after Sasha was revealed to be not Sasha and he has to flee from the law he decided that enough was enough. He’s had enough stress as it is.
Which is why, a month after his name was cleared, he returned to the stage for one final performance: Death To The Mechanisms.
It’s bittersweet, the end to an era of innocence and fun that Jon is no longer allowed to take part in, not with everything that has happened, will happen. He has to give everyone who supported him and his friends a good ending, they deserved that much at least.
He’s mostly lucky his face wasn’t splattered all over the news, since the police didn’t want any questions about The Magnus Institute.
The venue is packed with excited and sad fans, who have come to wave their band of immortal space pirates goodbye once and for all. Jon is looking from behind the curtain as Reesha played. He was supposed to introduce her, but he had chickened out and asked Tim to do it instead.
The past years hadn’t been kind to him. His body was littered with scars, his hair had gotten even more grey and the bags under his eyes were larger than the eyes themselves. He hoped none of the fans would notice too much or had any questions, god knew the other Mechs had had them when they got together to write the ending.
He had managed to avoid most of them, telling them that his new job was kind of strange and when he has asked them to just drop it, they had.
Reesha was now almost done and the Mechs had to go on stage. Jon tried to loosen his shoulders and clear his mind. He could stop thinking for a moment, stop being Jon with the stupidly hard life and just be Jonny, who let the punches wash over him like it was nothing. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and stepped onto the stage.
Trying not to look at the crowd he slipped into his character as he started counting if everyone was there. He didn’t need to see the questions in their eyes or the nervousness it would give him. He was glad they’d chosen The Bifrost Incident to perform, since he didn’t have a big singing roll in it.
During the break he checked the comments on the livestream. The not knowing was more torturous than what anyone might have to say about him. He let out a relieved sigh when most thought it was makeup that had something to do with his death. That was good, they didn’t question it so far and when they would start he’d be already off the stage and far away.
He was more confidant after that and walked onto the stage with renewed energy, which would be needed if he were to preform Hellfire for example.
It was all going well so far. Jon was happy with their performance and the fans seemed to love it. When he started with his own death, he saw surprised and concerned faces that it has nothing to do with the scars they had presumed were makeup, but this was something special that they’d been waiting for, so when he moved on the Ashes, so did the crowd.
But they went out with a bang and it wasn’t until they’re waving their last goodbye to everyone, who had supported them so much that he spotted Martin in the back of the crowd. He had honestly forgotten he was a fan of the Mechs with everything that had been going on, but as their eyes met over the crowd he saw Martin mouth: “Jon?”
He winced and looked away, before he fled from the scene, saying a quick goodbye to people he knew he wouldn’t see again from the moment he hadn’t trusted them enough to go to after he was framed. He didn’t want to drag them into this anyway and he’d rather they believe him an asshole than that they’d be dead.
Jon feared the confrontation that would come with Martin when he’d come into work the next time, but alas there wasn’t a next time for a while. He got kidnapped and then there wasn’t time and, who was Martin to seek a fight with a comatose man.
By the time he had woke up, Martin was in the clutches of the Lonely, but unknowingly to Jon, he still had his voice to keep him company on old albums.
In fact the whole thing wasn’t brought up again till they were safe in Scotland and had been for a while. When the fear of being followed or discovered had faded and they’d allowed themselves to relax. It was quite domestic, Jon had to admit, but it was what he had craved, what he had needed.
It came up again, while Jon was doing the dishes off all things. He was just drying the plates and humming under his breath, after a while he started to mumble familiar lyrics of the first couplet that turned into soft singing with the second once:
“And when the giants, they come a-rolling
Well, we will fight, we will fight, fight for our boy Jack
When the giants, they come a-rolling
If he can slay them, so can we”
He didn’t get to move on to the next one, because Martin, who had been in the living room adjacent to the kitchen, had heard and suddenly a revelation he hadn’t taken the time to process came back to him.
Martin stumbled into the kitchen, startling Jon into dropping a plate, as he pointed his finger at him and yelled: “You were in the Mechanisms!”
With wide and fearful eyes Jon looked at him. His brain caught up with the situation and he slowly said: “Oh, yeah, I was.” he paused, “You were there, right? I assumed you knew, sorry.”
Dropping the finger Martins shoulders sagged and he said: “I did, I just hadn’t really taken the time to think about it, you know, with everything that happened after it.”
Jon winced, but Martin went on: “You talked with me for an entire night without mentioning that I knew you! God, that is so embarrassing. I totally made a fool of myself.”
He was blushing with the accusation and Jon winced again, then he reassured Martin: “You didn’t, it was cute.”
“Cute?” Martin exclaimed, bordering on hysterical.
“Yes,” Jon said, “it felt really nice to just talk to you without the whole thing at work and you’re really cute when you’re excited. Besides, you deserved to have one nice thing that wasn’t touched by work. I wasn’t about to ruin that for you.”
“But you hated me back then.” Martin stated, totally confused.
Jon rubbed the back of his head and twisted his fingers. He bit his lip as well and opened his mouth to start a sentence, but then didn’t dare and stopped. Martin saw this, picking up every clue of a nervous Jon, who wanted to say something, but also didn’t. He put his hand on his hip and said: “Spit it out, Jon. I know you want to and I want to know. Please?”
It was the please that did it, Jon was weak for that please, so he admitted: “I never hated you.”
“You didn’t?” Martin asked.
Jon shook his head and explained: “No, I, uhm, I recognized you the moment we met in the archives and I was scared you would tell the other and find out and ruin my reputation of professionalism along with giving Tim teasing material for years, so I tried to push you away, but you’re too nice to push me away and I had a crush on you that I had to hide and the only way I could manage to get that under control was to push you away. Sorry, I’m so sorry about that, Martin.
Martin was silent for a moment, then he softly stated: “You had a crush on me.”
A scarlet blush went over Jons dark features as he realized he had admitted that. He swallowed and nodded: “Yes, I’d see you in the back and you caught my eye. I, uhm, I never dared to try and talk to you and you were almost always gone by the time I had the chance, so I nothing ever happened. I was pretty surprised to see you suddenly in front of me at work.”
“I can imagine that.” Martin chuckled, a small happy bubble forming in his chest when he realized he wasn’t the only one, who had walked around for too long with a silly crush. He shook his head and said: “I still can’t wrap my head around the fact you’re Jonny d’Ville.”
Jon blushed some more and groaned slightly in embarrassment as he buried his head in Martins chest. They stood like that for a moment, in each others arms. Then Martin kissed his head and asked: “Can you sing something for me?”
Looking up, Jon didn’t have to think twice about agreeing. He’d do anything for Martin and something as simple as just singing something, which would remind him of better times, wasn’t really a sacrifice.
“What do you want me to sing?” he asked.
Without hesitating Martin answered: “The part where you come in in Sleeping Beauty. I always loved that part, I thought it was very funny how you just went straight over the sad song.”
Jon smiled at that, he liked that part as well. He untangled himself from Martin and took a deep breath:
“Take Aurora in gently, Nastya, let’s see what these Rosies can do
Gotta say I’m in the mood for violence and I reckon you might be too
Let’s get this party started the only way we know
Gunfire and explosions, that’s our cue
Fire ‘til your guns are empty, ‘til your ammunition runs dry
If you’re finished playing at soldiers you might have noticed we cannot die
I suggest you beat a fucking tactical retreat
Or we’ll let slip the dogs of war and havoc cry”
Martin clapped in his head excitedly. He smiled broadly and he said: “It’s just like in the shows.” then more bashfully he asked: “Would you mind singing some more? Or is it making you uncomfortable? It’s alright if you don’t want to.”
Jon gave him a soft and warm smile and answered: “I would sing for you even if the world ends, if that would make you happy.”
And that promise he kept. Even if there was only despair around them, he would hum and sing softly to remind Martin he was here and he was real and they would make it.