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On a scale of one to ten...you are a natural twenty, baby

Summary:

Sometimes, you have to flirt with your bro all the way through several monster infected dungeons, before you have the guts to ask them out on a date.

Notes:

I feel like there is only a very narrow margin of people who are interested in these two very specific things.
However, if at any time while reading you find yourself utterly confused and thinking "What the fuck?" my end notes might provide some answers. Sorry, 1000 words really isn't a lot to work with.
I'll see you down in the end notes, and I hope you have fun reading this!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The Forgotten Realms, somewhere in the old sewers below the mighty city of Waterdeep:

 

Chanyeol swings his axe one more time with a grunt, splitting the head of the disfigured hellish creature in front of him in two. 

It would look like a dog… if dogs were usually man sized and slightly rotten. And if their blood would burn your skin like acid. 

He lets out a roar, almost letting go off his axe as he stumbles back, but – this fight is NOT over and if there are still brains left to spill a trueblood barbarian does not let go off his axe. 

Except that apparently there are no brains around for some good old splitting anymore, only those of his party members. 

And Chanyeol would be a fool to raise his blade against them. 

Dyo, their human necromancer is already buried to the wrists in the cut open chest of one of the monsters, probably doing some more “harvesting” for one of his projects. 

Suho, their, priest is murmuring some healing charms because apparently elf Kai could not stay in the back, again, even though that is where a damn mage belongs to haul some fireballs at their opponents. 

The caverns around them are dark and silent, aside from the light of the glowing stones they all wear around their necks, and Chanyeol almost screams when he turns. 

There suddenly is a grin right in front of him, blinding almost as it reflects the light off his glowing stone, and then the bard has already attached himself to Chanyeol’s neck, lean arms wrapped around him like he is a tree the dark elf wants to climb. 

“Get off me, Kim”, Chanyeol grunts and shakes himself, as if the other was a mere insect. 

Chen giggles, right against his ear. 

“Why, my strong barbarian? Some parts of your mighty armor weigh more than I do. Besides - I just wanted to make sure you are okay.”

Chen smirks at him and drags a finger down his arm, then he hums, plucking the exact same note on his instrument a moment later. 

Chanyeol wonders if the rest of the party would be pissed if he grabs Chen’s lyra and smashes him over the head with it long enough to break – well, preferably to break both the instrument and the bard’s skull. 

“Suho, get your nuisance of a brother off me”, he huffs and swats at Chen, who quickly as a weasel somehow swings below his arm and onto Chanyeol’s back.The barbarian, meanwhile, almost smacks himself in the face. 

Damn elves and their damn reflexes. 

“Too slow, my mighty warrior”, Chen giggles, pressing a kiss to the cheek of a certain very irritated barbarian before hurtling off to pester someone else. 

Suho comes up next to him a moment later.

“You hurt?”, he asks. 

Chanyeol shakes his head, both because the acid hardly burnt off any skin at all and because Suho looks exhausted after the number of spells he flung at their opponents and from healing the others. 

Why does your brother hate me this much?”, Chanyeol whines, fairly sure even for Chen's fine ears his voice is too low to pick up. 

Suho grins, while the third member of the world’s weirdest most interracial trio of brothers, Kai, comes up on his other side. 

“He doesn’t hate you”, Kai explains as he shoves his daggers back into the belts across his back. 

“He’s just...playing.”

“Flirting”, Suho clarifies for the dense barbarian. 

Chanyeol growls. 

“He’s had another man or woman to warm his bed every night since we met. I won’t join his list of whores.”

Suho and Kai share a glance. 

“Yes, Because he has been trying to get the attention of a certain idiot  this whole time.”

Chanyeol looks after them, open mouthed.

Then, he notices Chen tugging on a weird looking root, and suddenly they find themselves fighting against some sort of plant-octopus who seems determined to make their hard his breakfast. 

Chanyeol breaks into a sprint, whacking at tentacle-like roots left and right – and arrives at the center just in time to catch a slightly injured Chen, just before the creature manages to fling him down into its gaping maw. 

 

The Realm of South Korea, somewhere in the basement of the Kim residency:

 

“So that was fun”, Chanyeol grins. 

“I almost got eaten!”, Jongdae whines and bumps his tiny shoulder somewhere just above Chanyeol’s elbow. 

His brothers, Kyungsoo, and their dungeon master Baekhyun already hurried up the stairs, falling over each other when Mrs. Kim shouted that dinner was ready. 

“You...uhm. Don’t really mind me flirting with you … in – in D’nD, I mean?”, Jongdae asks, suddenly a lot less cocky than his in-game alter ego. 

Chanyeol feels himself blush in a very un-barbarian manner. 

“I.uhm. Don’t. Actually, I wanted to ask if” – Chanyeol suddenly feels like he’d been hit in the face by one of Jongin’s fireballs, because even the tips of his ears go toasty with the depth of his blush. 

“Ifyouwanttogooutwithme!” 

The words fly off his tongue, and he stares at Jongdae’s wide eyes for a moment until he realizes he basically screamed.

Chanyeol is about to apologize and make his shamefully retreat, when-

“Yes!”

They stare at each other for a moment, then Jongdae steps forward and kisses him. 

Chanyeol's eyes go wide, but after the initial shock he wraps his arms around the smaller one.

There is a lot of awkward nose against nose involved initially, but it’s still fun, just like everything about Jongdae is fun. 

A moment later, they go down, showered in Junmyeon's meticulous notes and the pitter patter of dices all around them. 

“Fuck”, Jongdae giggles into his shoulder, and then there are steps and the door opens. 

“Finally”, Baekhyun breathes somewhere above them. “If you would have derailed one more fucking campaign just to end up locked in a room with Yeol I would have cried.”

Notes:

Hello my beloved Eris, hello anybody just scrolling through the D'nD section who mayhaps made their way till here!
First of all, thank you for reading this!

Now, some questions that migth have popped up:

How exactly is this fitting the "opposites attract" challenge?
Well, in DnD some races or just...sections of people don't get along that well.
Imagine something like Legolas and Gimli in Lord of The Rings, I guess.
Chanyeol is a gruff, axe swinging tank of a guy, meanwhile Jongdae is a dark elf that will flirt your pants of you in a minute if you are not being careful.

Is this what Dungeons and Dragons actually is like??
Uhm yes, kind of. Everything mentioned here is in the realm of possibilities while playing a campaign! It's fun. If you get a chance to try out DnD or any other tabletop RPG, I highly recommend it!

To any DnD fans who might've stumbled across this:
Sorry for any inaccuracies in here, I've only played a handful of times so far. (Also, at heart I am just a Call of Cthulu kind of gal myself.)

The people mentioned in this story are members of South Korean boy band, EXO.
Kpop? Yuk, I know. But if I could ask you to take just one look at them, I'd definitely recommend this clip: Type "EXO Knowing Brothers" into Youtube. There is a video with 20 Million clicks. Don't worry, it has subtitles. Yes, It lasts 12 minutes but I promise it will be twelve minutes well spent.

So that's it from me for this round. Mod N, once more, thank you for your beautiful designs, your fast replies and challenges that just give me the kind of kick I need once in a while!