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Hina laid down in her lap. Full-face buried in her soft stomach, wrapping her arms around her back. By God, did it make Aya’s heart race. If the handholding from earlier had sent her to heaven, then this was sending her even beyond. If that was even possible.
Hina tightened her embrace, and made her realize that she’d have to respond to her affection at some point. Otherwise she might stop. But then again, it was Hina. But even Hina must have her limits, right? Okay! Stop thinking! Just touch her!
…
Where?
How?
Would Hina actually want that? No, Hina would definitely want that, she’d been practically glued to Aya for the entire evening, not giving the poor girl’s heart even a moment to relax. But the atmosphere felt different now. Like Aya could make one wrong move and it would all go to shambles and her entire… whatever kind of bond she had with Hina, would just vanish into thin air.
“Aya-chan.” Hina mumbled softly into her shirt. Her tone felt so fragile. Like she too was just about to break. Was she holding herself back?
She allowed herself to hold on to the tinge of hope, that maybe Hina felt the same way about her. That maybe there was more to their closeness. That she understood her own feelings, the way Aya understood hers. She lifted her hand and placed it on Hina’s head, spreading her fingers slightly and rubbing them in slow circular motions against her scalp. Hina seemed to take kindly to this as she nuzzled her face closer into Aya’s abdomen.
Her heart rate had calmed down slightly as she got more used to the warmth of Hina. She didn’t think it would ever calm down fully. Even as the two had gotten closer by the day, coming to share moments like these, hidden away from the rest of the world. A world for just the two of them.
Idols couldn’t date. Aya knew. It was always there in the back of her mind. Every time she caught herself staring at Hina for a moment too long. The giddy feeling she got when Hina would come to her work just to see her and tell her about anything that had sparked her interest. Whenever Hina would do something kind for her and Aya would ask her why, and she’d show her that goofy grin and tell her she just “felt like it”.
All of those moments. Always followed by the guilt. If Hina was a boy, would it have been okay then?
No. It wouldn’t.
But it would’ve softened the inevitable blow.
Suddenly Hina shifted and slowly rose out of her lap. Arms still loose around her waist. “Aya-chan?” she said in the same soft voice as earlier.
“What is it?” She smiled as soft she could.
“You’re crying.” Concern was painted all over Hina’s face.
...She really cared didn’t she?
She cared so much and it made Aya love her even more.
“I’m not.” She replied.
“But you’re about to.” Hina moved one of her hands up to caress Aya’s cheek. “I can always tell. You go all quiet and start staring into space.” Had she been that obvious?
Staying quiet, she brought her hand up to rest on Hina’s wrist as she leaned into the touch. She closed her eyes, taking in every subtle movement of Hina’s fingers against her neck.
Then she felt something soft and warm press against her forehead. She opened her eyes slowly and was met with the alluring green of Hina’s eyes. They were slightly more open than normal, her expression serious. As if to ask Aya for confirmation that she hadn’t overstepped a boundary.
She hadn’t. She couldn’t ever.
Aya pulled her closer. Turning her body slightly in order to feel all of her. She wanted every fiber, no, every single atom of Hina Hikawa to hold her close. And to never let go.
She rested her head in the crook of her neck, and planted a kiss right at the space between her neck and shoulder. She felt Hina shift and move away slightly, only to move one leg over Aya’s lap so she was facing her directly. She then wrapped her arms around her neck and kissed Aya’s cheek softly. Aya then turned her head slightly upwards, hoping Hina would understand.
She did.
Her lips were soft. So so soft. With how rambunctious she usually was Aya would’ve expected something else. But this was a different Hina. One only reserved for her. She deepened the kiss and placed her hands on her hips. This Hina was gentle and understanding. They’d been through so much, and she was certain they still had a long way to go, but just for this one moment she’d allow for herself to be loved. To love someone in return.
With one final swipe of her tongue against the roof of Hina’s mouth, she pulled away and rested her head back on Hina’s shoulder.
“I really like you, Aya-chan.” It needn’t be said.
“Me too.” But it did either way.
As they moved to lay down on the couch, tangling their legs together and taking in nothing but the sound of the tv and a movie neither of them had really been watching, Aya didn’t feel the guilt.
They’d deal with it all tomorrow. But for tonight, there was only them and the love they shared in the Maruyama’s living room.