Chapter Text
Beatrice knows her mind has spiraled but there isn’t much she can do to control it now. She paces the room, waiting for an answer; maybe some divine intervention or message from God. Ava has been asleep for hours, which at this point may tend to veer toward unconsciousness rather than sleep. She keeps checking her, and is relieved every time she feels Ava’s breath on her cheek and watches the rise and fall of her chest.
Ava has to be okay, because Beatrice has lost so much already. She feels like her whole life has been about loss. An endless cycle of grief, if one can grieve things. Just in the last few days, she has lost her home, her church, most of her found family, the respect and love she had for her “father”, and almost her own life several times as well. But her faith, somehow she still has that.
She chances a glance at Ava before turning to look out the window. She knows why she still has her faith. It was always the one thing that never left her. Being different isolated her, it made her feel unworthy or unclean. Her family certainly validated all those negative thoughts. But then Ava told her not to hide parts of herself. Ava called her beautiful. And maybe she has lost a lot of things in her life, and she plans to take the time to grief all the recent losses, but she makes herself think about the things she still has. The things she gained that have made the losses more tolerable, and almost worth it.
The sisters she still has--Lilith and Camila, they make her feel like she belongs. That she isn’t alone anymore. And Mary. Mary makes her feel safe and seen. And these girls, her family, they are the best part of the OCS anyway. And then there’s Ava. Who annoys her and frustrates her and overwhelms her. But who already, somehow, feels like home. When Beatrice really allows herself to think about Ava, she knows why she hasn’t lost her faith at all. How Ava’s presence in her life is proof that God exists, and it makes her feel stronger and weaker all at once.
“You’re here?” Ava’s quiet and strained voice pierces her thoughts.
She quickly turns toward her only to hesitate when she notices Camila sitting in the chair she had forsaken. When did she get here?
“She hasn’t left your side since we got here.” Camila tells Ava cheerfully, which makes Beatrice groan inwardly.
Ava’s gaze falls on Beatrice. “Aww, you really do care.”
Beatrice rolls her eyes, with some effort, to appear nonchalant and unaffected. “I promised you I would. And I keep my promises.”
Ava tries to sit up but winces at the attempt. “Yeah, nuns and their vows. I get it.” She falls back down on the bed with a huff. “Why have I not healed yet? How long have I been asleep?”
Beatrice approaches Ava’s bed and sits on the edge, fighting herself about whether or not to reach out and grab Ava’s hand. She wants to touch her so badly, to confirm to herself that Ava is okay. Alive. But touch has been a foreign concept for so long, and touching Ava has always been dangerous. Because it leads to her wanting more, and she doesn’t understand what that means yet. More of what?
She jumps when she feels Ava’s hand grab hers. Their eyes meet and Ava smiles at her.
“I’m alive. Barely, it seems. But we did it. We survived. Did we win? Is Adriel gone?” Ava rambles like she always does and it comforts Beatrice in ways that it hadn’t before.
“We did survive. We won the battle. But not the war. Adriel is alive. Or we assume he still is. But we don’t know where he or Father Vincent have disappeared to.”
“I still can’t believe fucking Father Vincent was the big baddie all along.” Ava growls.
“If you’re referring to him betraying us, yeah, none of us saw it coming. That’s why it’s called a betrayal.” Camila says from the chair. “And that’s why it hurts so bad. Mary is...in a mood, as you would say. She claimed dibs on killing him. But really, Lilith may fight her for that honor.”
“What about the innocents? Did we get all the demons out of them?” Ava asks after a moment of contemplation.
“We?” Camila’s face brightens. “We didn’t get a chance. You went all...Warrior Nun and somehow...we don’t even understand, but you like...zapped the demons back to Hell in one shot. I think that’s what made Adriel and Father Vincent flee.”
“Zapped them?” Ava tries to sit up again and seems to think better of it before relaxing back on the bed. “Must have taken everything I had.”
“And then some.” Beatrice adds sternly.
When Ava collapsed unconsciously on the battlefield, Beatrice nearly lost it. It was a good thing Adriel and Father Vincent were gone, because she was ready to unleash Hell on them. Or, rather, Heaven.
“Awww, you were worried about me.” Ava teases as she squeezes her hand softly.
The words and the sensation of Ava’s hand in hers is enough to keep Beatrice from retorting with indignation. Because really, how could she deny it? Why should she at this point?
“We all were.” She says instead.
“But, Beatrice, you…”
Beatrice silences Camila with a glare and the other girl collapses in her seat with defeat. Beatrice instantly feels guilty about hurting Camila’s feelings. It is akin to kicking a puppy. No one wants to do that.
“Look who’s back to the land of the living.” Mary comments from the doorway. “We secured the area, we should be safe for as long as we need to stay here. I think we should still have a schedule for guard duty, just in case.”
“And where are we exactly?” Ava asks.
“We took a page out of the Ava Silva handbook, and are illegally squatting at some rich person’s vacation home.” Lilith answers from beside Mary.
Ava smiles. “Right on! See, I have good ideas sometimes.”
Lilith rolls her eyes and shakes her head with exasperation. But before walking away, she pauses, “I’m glad you’re not dead.”
“Me too.” Ava’s grin widens. “You like me.” She turns to Beatrice. “She pretends she hates me, but she really finds me charming.”
Lilith walks away mumbling words not befitting a nun. Mary laughs from her place at the door.
“You really know how to test people’s patience, don’t you?” Mary says as she fondly shakes her head. “You’re lucky you can put your money where your mouth is and found a way to make yourself useful.”
“Is that your way of complimenting me for my badassery? Because it really could use some work.” Ava tells her happily.
Mary stares at her momentarily and walks away without another word.
“You don’t know how to not say every little thing that crosses your mind, do you?” Beatrice wonders.
“That’s not true. I’ve had a lot of thoughts about you lately that I’ve kept to myself.” Ava’s eyes widen. “That last part was supposed to stay in my head.”
Beatrice swallows loudly as she drops Ava’s hand and stands from the bed. She tries to control her thoughts, her blushing, and her breathing. She thinks she only is able to get one under control, however, which one it is could be debated.
“I like that about you, actually.” Camila chimes in cheerfully. “You say what you mean, and even though you haven’t taken your vows and don’t even believe in our God...you are sincere. And honorable. And kind. Selfish sometimes, but none of us is perfect. And...I like it. I like you. And so do they, even if they never admit it.”
Even though Beatrice agrees with Camila’s words and assessment of Ava--she is also jealous that those words came from Camila and not herself. She wishes she had better words to say to Ava sometimes. But she finds that she has trouble staying coherent around her, which is annoying and inconvenient. But she figures it’s a good thing that one of them is able to show some prudence, because Lord knows it will never be Ava.
“Thanks, Camila.” Ava’s words sound genuine, and almost embarrassed. “I think you’re pretty awesome, too.”
“Thank you!” Camila beams happily before she bounces up from her chair. “I’m going to find Mary and we’re going to cook some lunch. You need to eat!”
She leaves the room in a flurry and Beatrice takes several slow breaths to calm herself. Idly, she wonders why Ava finally chose to remain silent, because Beatrice doesn’t have the words to break the tension in the room. Slowly, she raises her eyes toward Ava only to find Ava already staring at her.
“Camila was wrong, you know.” Ava tells her as they maintain eye contact.
“No she wasn’t. You are a good person, Ava. One of the best.”
Ava shakes her head minutely. “She said no one was perfect...but you are.”
Beatrice stops breathing for a moment and tears her eyes away from Ava’s, turning her back on her. “No, I’m not.”
“You are to me.” Ava admits quietly, barely above a whisper.
But the echo, the implication, of the words reverberates deep within her soul. Beatrice turns back towards Ava, who smiles at her more shyly than she had ever seen and Beatrice can’t help smiling back.
“Thank you for keeping your promise. I don’t know what I would have done if I had woken up here, alone.” Ava admits vulnerably.
“I told you, you’re not alone anymore. You have us now.” Beatrice’s smile turns wicked. “Besides, Camila was here, too. You wouldn’t have been alone, regardless.”
Ava doesn’t respond. And for the first time ever, Beatrice actually wishes Ava would say what exactly was on her mind rather than deciding to keep the thought to herself. When the silence stretches too long to be bearable, Beatrice forces herself to speak.
“There’s some clothes we set out for you, on the dresser behind me. I’ll let you get changed, and then you can join us for lunch.” She waits for Ava to nod in acknowledgement before she walks out of the room.
And only then, does she allow herself to breathe properly again. Ava Silva would surely be the death of her. And if she were being honest with herself, which she is, she knows that the thought doesn’t scare her nearly as much as it should have.