Work Text:
[TAPE CLICKS ON]
MARTIN
Right, that last tape was from a...year ago? I think? Yes, I think a year ago, so assuming you've gone in chronological order-which you should-that's...that's it. All caught up.
[AWKWARD SILENCE, BROKEN BY A QUIET COUGH]
Suppose I should...uh. I guess this is a statement? Probably counts as one but I...I don't want to do the whole "statement of Martin Blackwood, regarding blah blah blah", so. We've not done it like that in a while so I don't think it matters that much, the formality of it. My boss did get killed a year ago, so I doubt he's going to mind.
[SOFT LAUGHTER, SOUNDING ALMOST FORCED]
Anyway, well...this is just for whoever comes across all this. I think I'm going to be away from here a while so I'm sure somebody will find it. And even if no one does, it doesn't hurt to record things in case I forget. Not sure I will, but....just in case. Yeah.
So. Coming off of the tape from a year ago. It ended sort of in the middle of things which I think was for the best. It was a lot and to be honest, I can't remember specifics. I should, but...can't do a lot about it. I'm sure Georgie or Melanie could tell you all in more detail but they're somewhere else at the moment and I don't want to track them down just to bother them. It's great, being with them, you know. They're sort of a blind spot in the Eye's gaze. I mean, with Georgie being literally fearless and Melanie having cut her ties with the Eye a couple years ago, they're like a traveling safe spot. The fear doesn't get you as much when you're around them, and let me tell you it is a welcome change.
Sorry, I'm off topic. It's easier to stay on track when there's someone to tell you to stay on track, but I'm alone, so.
[SMALL PAUSE, A REALIZATION]
Oh, not like-! Not like alone-alone, no, there's people, it's just. Physically by myself at the moment. No, I don't think I'm going to have another Lonely adventure for a while. I'd rather not. Anyway. Back...back on track. Stick to the statement, Martin. Hm.
Anyway, right. Georgie and Melanie were with us, so were Daisy and Basira. We all had a plan of action, use our resident Eye-repellents to our advantage and just...I don't know. They were going to kill Jonah, they never told us how. Jon...Jon said it was good if we didn't know so that Jonah couldn't read our minds for it or anything. He tried very hard to not Know about the plan on accident, which was...probably difficult, considering. But, well, the rest of us were distraction. Just come in, guns blazing and make a big show of it all. It would've worked out well, I think, and then....well, even if the world wasn't alright again then at least Jonah would be dead so. That would be something good, and a start, I think. I think we could've figured something out from that point.
But that wasn't what happened. I honestly couldn't tell you about it, like I said, can't remember it well. Plus the fact that it was just weird. Hm...when we got up there, to the top of the Panopticon...the best way I can say is that Jonah caught Jon. He was talking and then he just...froze up. Jonah was looking him dead in the eyes, which probably wasn't a good thing. What with everything. Melanie and Georgie were up in the room by then, and honestly none of us really knew what to do, so we all just...sort of stood there. Waiting for it to end and to go on as planned, I think.
That's when it all got really weird. What I can remember of it is a lot of light and yelling. Yelling or just noise in general, I can remember very clearly that it was far too loud in there. Right, like, use your inside voices.
Then, after that, I remember being outside the Panopticon. All of us, and I don't remember leaving but I'm sure I must've wanted to. By that point, it all looked like it was settled down, whatever had happened, so Daisy and Basira decided to go in first to scout it out. Melanie wanted to go but she's not really...you know, trained in any of that so she stayed with me and Georgie. Basira came back to get us, said it was safe and Daisy was still inside. So we went up to the top again.
It was...pretty wrecked up there. All the windows had shattered and Daisy was picking her way across the broken glass to us. Jonah's throne was cracked down the middle and he was...he was dead. Which, honestly, that was good to see. His eyes were missing, which was probably relevant. I don't know where they went, I didn't see them.
[SHAKY INHALE, A PAUSE]
And Jon was...he wasn't....Christ, I don't really know what happened to him. I think he's dead. I...yes, I think so. It's the...it's the only thing that really makes sense, in context, but I guess he could....no, no. No, he's gone. I can't just...keep thinking he's around, that probably...I don't know, probably won't be good.
He wasn't there when we went back in. We found the tape he had on him by one of the windows. It's really lucky that it survived all of...whatever happened. As it is, it's pretty banged up so the quality isn't all that good. And that's all we got of him.
It's not like we just...just immediately pronounced him dead or anything, no. We wouldn't just give up on him. Basira's pretty close to the Eye, she Looked for him for a long time. Or just anything that could tell us where he was. Hell, I went out with Daisy for...I think a month? Seeing if I could find him or somewhere he'd been or a clue or anything. There was nothing. He was just gone, and eventually we all just...just accepted he was...he was most likely dead. I don't know what the alternative would be, I mean.
He's dead. I hope it didn't hurt too much.
[SILENCE, BROKEN BY TAPPING SOUNDS]
So! That was a year ago. About a year, I don't know. Time is weird and it's not like anyone's started making novelty apocalypse calendars so I'm really just guessing. It feels like a year.
Since then, I've been....alright, I guess. Sometimes I go track down Melanie and Georgie to go stay with them for a bit. They're never too hard to find and it's always good to...to be around people. You know? Daisy and Basira stop by sometimes but they're off doing their own thing. They'll never tell me when I ask, which is irritating, but I suspect they're off doing some avatar-smiting of their own. They probably have the abilities to, what with Daisy being of the Hunt and Basira getting more Eye each time I see her....they're still my friends, of course, still the same people. Just a little different is all. I don't know how, uh...efficient? They are with it. Not like Jon, he had his...abilities. Priviliges. Whichever. I know he hated it, having all of that. The power to just...look people to death. He hated it. But Basira and Daisy are not Jon and...they don't mind using what they have to kill the evil ones.
I don't mind.
Anyway, Daisy and I came back to the Panopticon after...all of that, it was sort of an unofficial meeting place for us I guess. It's not easy to miss. So, well. We got back and I poked around a bit. We'd only really seen just the top but there was stuff at the base of it too that we never got to explore. The entrance looks...very similar to the front desk at the old institute. It was pretty spooky, honestly, didn't look too hard at it on our first visit. Only difference is that there were doors all around the room. And...and it's a pretty huge room, so there was a lot of rooms. I figured, hell, I've got all the time in the world don't I, so I just opened one and went right in.
In hindsight, bad idea. Could've been something dangerous or murdery but. No. I found...all this. The tapes. I mean, it could've still been murdery, you honestly can never tell these days. Just dumb luck it wasn't some sort of....I don't know. Tape recorder monster.
Not every room has the tapes, some have physical statements and files and all of that, but yeah! A good few are tapes and a handful are pretty old! There's a fair amount of Gertrude tapes, more than I heard before. They date back to when she took up the Archivist job. She was...really, she was incredible. And you get that from listening to her, although I did have the knowledge of her absolute badassery before all this, so. I might be biased. But it's amazing to hear her talk, she really did some crazy things. Knowing now that...that stopping rituals was pointless...she believed she was doing the right thing. She didn't know it was pointless and she did what she had to to save the world. I can respect that.
There's also a good share of...of Jon's tapes. Starts right back at his first day as Head Archivist. And, you know, I know...I knew Jon and I know what happened during those times but...well. I didn't always hear everything Jon said, so it's...it's been somewhat of a wild ride listening to them and just...I don't know. Hearing what he had to say in private. He certainly didn't hold back when it came to me in the early days!
[QUIET LAUGHTER]
Yeah. Honestly, I'm sure it would've upset me to know he thought all that about me....it would've. Few years back, maybe. But now, it's just nice to hear his voice.
[PAUSE, SOUNDS LIKE SHUFFLING PAPER]
I haven't listened to all the tapes, obviously, there's about a million. Maybe not that many, but there's a lot. I've stayed down here, in the Panopticon. When I've not been with the others, of course. But I'm not being watched down here, since, you know, Eye can't see inside itself and all that. And that's a relief. Hm...most of my time down here hasn't been that exciting, since nothing much comes by. Sometimes something will but I can defend myself and it's gotten easier to predict how monsters from different entities will attack. Slaughter just goes right for it, Spiral plays mind games, Desolation lights things on fire. Once you figure that out, it isn't too hard to attack back.
Aside from that, I've been...essentially back at the old grindstone I guess! A lot of the physical statements are really old, and I've been trying to read them through but honestly that's a lost cause. Messy handwriting in all that Victorian English speak, that's a bit hard on the brain. I might try recording some of them, but for now I've been trying to organize them by date. I've been putting them in by year and I think once that's done I'll clean it up. Do days and months, but for now. Just years I think.
The tapes are pretty much in order, but I've been sorting through those too, seeing if one's out of place or, I don't know. Gertrude or Jon had some relevant world-saving tips they never told me.
Mostly because I want to hear them all. I miss...I miss Sasha and Tim and Jon. I mean, Christ, I still don't know what the real Sasha looked like. After all this. It's nice to hear her real voice, whenever she shows up on the tapes. I mean, of course it's mostly Jon and it's mostly spooky old statements. And it's weird, right, because Jon'll mention someone or...or a description and I know who it is now. I can say, yep, that's Gerard Keay or...or that's a classic Simon Fairchild. It's weird.
A lot of the tapes aren't really feel-good material, honestly. I don't know why I listen to them so much, it's not like...like it's great to hear Tim talking about his dead brother and revenge quest but...it's good to hear him. It's good to hear any of them.
I miss them all. I don't like that it's just me now. Out of the lot, who would've expected soft ol' Martin Blackwood to be the ultimate survivor? Not...not me, if you'd told me. I would've pinned Sasha down as the last one standing. I don't know if...if I still want her to be? Like, I don't know, maybe if it'd been me that got killed when Prentiss attacked then things would've been...different? Better? Maybe it would've been, I can't tell. Butterfly effect and all, one little thing gets changed, and bam. I mean, who knows, maybe if I'd died first then everyone else would've survived. Who can tell?
Oh, that's all depressing. Sorry. Daisy and Basira haven't been by for a while so I haven't had anybody to talk to. They're alright though, I can tell you that much. Don't worry, I'll be around for a while if I've got anything to say about it. I'd like to die of old age in this hellscape, if that's possible anymore. I guess I'll find that out.
[HEAVY EXHALE]
That was a lot of words. All this is to say that I have a bit of a theory, which is why I'll probably be out for a bit. I'll wait till Daisy and Basira come back to leave, I don't think they'd like listening to all of this. This tape is...in case someone else makes it here. I hope so.
But anyway, theory. There's a sort of a pattern, I think in all the statements. And I mean, all the way to the ones that are basically love letters to Jonah Magnus. We get the statements from the people that survive their experiences, and I think I've found...sort of a link between them. Sort of, which is why it's a theory.
I think...I think once a person knows what they're up against, they stop being as afraid. And that lets them survive. It's...it's not just these, it's all with ordinary fears and phobias and stuff. Exposure therapy, done properly, it's pretty effective. You...you understand what you're looking at, what's going on, you can think yourself through it. Once you get enough of the facts in you, enough experience, whatever you were afraid of gets less scary. You can look at it and know that it's not a threat or it isn't plausible and...so you can be less afraid of it. That's what happens in these statements, the people realize what's going on to a degree, and can get their way out of it. Of course, exposure therapy isn't for everyone, and there's another theory in me about emotional connections to the real world, but...I think this is good. The knowing. I mean, once you know that there's no monster under the bed, you aren't scared of it. Because it isn't there.
It's a theory, so. It needs work. I think this one and the one with emotional connections can fit together, because once you've got someone to comfort you about your monsters under the bed it isn't as scary that way either. It could fit nicely in, knowing that there's someone there for you. It's all theories, so none of it is perfect yet. I'll definitely talk to the others about it, get their opinions. But I think it could work.
I understand this place, best I can. I can figure out the patterns of the monsters, I know how to make my way through different domains and how to interact with their avatars if need be. I've got a lot of it figured out, I think. It's helped that I was able to go around with Jon, he knew it all a lot better than I did. Again, it's the...it's the experience and the exposure and I'm not as afraid of it all. I mean, obviously, I'm still really scared of this whole mess, I'd be literally insane if I wasn't. But I'm not as scared and that's the important part of my theory. I'd have to get the others' experiences down, see if any of this applies to them...I mean, not Georgie, no, she's already immune. Maybe Melanie? Yeah, Melanie, Daisy, Basira. I'll have to ask them all next time I see them.
[SHORT PAUSE]
What I want to do is go around here. And I want to...well, no, I can't really take statements the way Jon did. But I want to get some more information about all this on tape. If...well, if any of my theories are right then it could help. If the first is, then having all of these would be good to...to understand about what's happening, and if I can combine it with these tapes here, then it could show that this isn't how it's always been. If the second is, then everyone knows they aren't alone in this, that there's others out there. And that there's people who can help. Not like statements, more like....Christ, the only thing I can think of is "nature documentary", oh geez. "And here we can find a wild Distortion, in it's natural habitat of the fuck-off hallways". Oh no, but sort of. I can narrate what happens as I go through and....and I can understand it. And once I do I can help others understand and then I honestly think it'll all be better.
I think it will. Again, just theories, they need...work. And it might not do anything and I might just be wasting my time down here. I might literally just be making a terror documentary for nobody besides myself and my friends and it won't do anything besides.
But I mean, what else can I do? Just...just sit here? No, I can't stand being here, doing nothing. Reminds me of the good old days when I couldn't do anything to help anyone and I just about went ballistic with it. There's a tape somewhere here with me exploding at Elias over it, but then again he also dumps some emotional baggage right into my mind on that one, so...yeah. I just...I can't sit here and do nothing while all this happens, because even if it all means nothing and I've wasted years of my life collecting information for nobody...it was something! It was...it would be a start, I think. Because from there, I could look at why that didn't work and come up with something better and maybe that next theory would be right. Or I might never fix anything and get killed halfway through it all but...but the groundwork would be there if someone else found all this and they could work with that and...I don't know.
It's better than sitting around here, playing pretend at your old job, and having lovely chats with your friends while the literal fear-fueled apocalypse rages on. It's something. And you know me, I like to be able to do things. So this will...this will be good, I think. If nothing else comes out of it, I'll get to add a few tapes of my own to this collection. I mean, I've already got the ones from my and Jon's expeditions around, but...these will be mine. Plus, some more information on how it all works can't hurt anyone.
I don't think the Eye minds, which I'm not sure about. On one hand, I am doing this to try and undo its apocalypse. On the other...well. More information, like I said. I don't know if the Eye can mind things, or if any of them can. But it doesn't feel like I'm going to get ceaseless-watcher'd the second I go outside to start this so I think that's a good feeling. Unless the Eye knows it's all pointless and doesn't even care. If it can do that. I don't...I don't know a lot about how it all works. The basics, yeah, 14 entities, each feed off a general grouping of fears but I don't know what they are or how they work or any of that. They just sort of exist, I suppose. So, you know, it's great knowing I probably won't get zapped because of this but I really don't know if that means anything.
[INDISTINCT MUTTERING, SOME SHUFFLING THINGS AROUND]
Aren't I just the regular doomsday archivist. It's ridiculous is what it is, I mean....what do I want to accomplish by...by reorganizing all this?! It's pointless, it is, no one...cares that a couple little files are out of place. Who's even here to care about all that anymore? Jon might, but he's gone because of another stupid plan I had come up with and now it's just me here to...to tidy up. What a wreck you are, Martin. Just running around doing pointless tasks all your life and then you're going to die and that will be that. There's no point to any of this! What am I even doing? I'm sitting here, tidying up the base of operations for the end of times, listening to the...to the same old tapes I always do, and...I don't even do anything else! Lucky there's no one else here or I'd be making goddamned tea all day, if that would even be possible.
These are stupid theories. Am I...what, am I going to really go out and try to prove that...that knowing things will somehow get rid of these giant fear god things? Make them go back to their hidey-hole? No, that's stupid, that's stupid, stupid Martin. What would work would be someone who...who could actually work with these things, collect some powerful avatars that don't love this whole situation, and....I don't know, have them James Bond out a solution. And that is actually impossible. So...so what's Martin's little theories going to do? This is all so ridiculous, look at Martin, playing hero and-
[CHAIR LEGS BEING PUSHED BACK. SOFT FOOTSTEPS, GROWING FAINTER AND THEN LOUDER. A THUD AND A SHORT EXHALE]
No, no, I'm going to go out still. Do my recordings and all. It's probably a waste of time but I can fool myself into thinking it's a productive waste of time. I know there's a way to fix all of this, I just have to figure it out. And if it's not this, it's something else and I'll...I'll figure it out. That's just what's going to happen, I guess. I might go with Melanie and Georgie for a bit, at least so I'll have the company. Maybe ask Basira to look after all this while I'm out. Her and I, couple of regular doomsday archivists. Daisy...she'll want to stick with Basira, I'd assume. Those two. Really, you would think they're joined at the hip or something. Even before all this, you couldn't hardly get five minutes alone with one before the other came in. It's...kinda sweet, honestly.
[SOFT SIGH]
I miss Jon. I miss them all.
Anyway, whoever is listening. Sorry about the previous bit of worrying. I did say Daisy and Basira haven't been back in a while and I think I go a bit stir crazy when there's no one else. I worry that....that the fog will come back, sometimes. I don't want it to, I don't want to forget things. It's helpful to remember. To know things.
Plus, no theory is perfect. That's why they aren't facts. I think with some more research and...and looking for these patterns, I'll definitely have a more solid idea. And then I can patch up my plan, but it does involve me going out and...doing recordings, I'll call it. It's not really a statement, is it. And that'll give me time until Daisy and Basira come 'round, they'll visit soon. And then I'll tell them all this, probably get called an idiot by one or both, and then I'll be on my way! Exciting stuff, huh? Research. All of this just makes me even more grateful I got put in Library.
This is so stupid, I've told you everything and I don't want to end the recording. It's...it's nice to talk to someone. Something. I remember when the tapes meant somebody was listening. Elias, Jon, whoever. Properly freaked me out whenever one would just...appear and start running. I think I'd like that, now. Because someone would be listening. Now it's just...I found a blank. Started recording. I guess I'm listening. Not...not to this one, no, I don't like hearing my own voice. But to the other ones. Again, very stupid, but I've memorized a couple that are my favorite. I think...two are Gertrude's but the other five are all Jon's. It's nice to listen to them.
Right, I'm being...I'm being Martin all over the place. I'm really sorry to anyone listening, this is so...scrambled. All over the place. Scattered. You know. But I guess that's the rundown on everything and everyone. Hopefully Basira agrees to look after all this when I'm out, she should be here in that case. If she isn't, then either I am or nobody is. Either way. It's...well, the place is technically the Archives but I like to think of it as a library. It feels a lot nicer. So, this is my little library of...most of everything. The tapes should be more or less chronological, so I would start at the beginning, just for...clarity, really. It won't make much sense if you skip around. The written statements aren't as important in the sense that it won't help you know just how we got to here. The...the tapes are more of a timeline. Written statements are context, as are the ones in the recordings. There's, hm....on the left, six doors down, that's where the fakes go. Good for a bit of a laugh. I'm sure there's more, scattered about, I just haven't found them.
You can stay for...however long you need. I'll be around, Basira will be around, nobody will be around. Doesn't make much of a difference. Or...yes, it does, but. Never mind on that.
Anyway. That's all, I think? If I'm forgetting something I'll just...come back to this. I guess. But...yeah. I'm going to do something, even if it isn't really...productive? It's better than doing nothing, and I am tired of dong nothing. So. Yeah, I think that about covers everything. Right, um...bye then.
[TAPE CLICKS OFF]