Chapter Text
Amane supposed he always saw stars in their barest form.
To him, stars appeared as accurately as they did in his collection of science 'earth & astrology' textbooks he owned when he was still.. Alive. In which case, said books have most probably been long gone by now - but the knowledge and information that was so earnestly swallowed by his brain engraved itself in his heart, hence how he never forgot. And in this particular moment, he vividly recalls: Every single speck of light that twinkled in the night sky shone just as brightly as the sun - one would see truth in that sentence if all those heavenly bodies gravitated towards them, and then they'd see how distance can make such a huge difference. So he realized, finding which one shone more vivid than the others or which one was barely even noticeable was pointless if he never stood in the same distance with each one and actually evaluated from there. To him, the sun was no better than a star.
That is, until now.
Until now when he practically had no choice but to look up, arms spread out beside him, legs sprawled with a decent distance in between as the back of his body sticks to the ground - or should he say, the surprisingly solid surface of a fluffy white cloud. He entertains the thought of how detailed No.4's drawings could actually be. He wondered. Were the stars he was seeing now still shine like suns from a distance? Or were they just carelessly unpatterned blots of white paint in a mere canvas? Nevertheless..
Amane never thought there would ever come a time for him to belittle the stars he adored gazing at so often.
(But just like with any other situation - the same radish-legged girl always manages to topple all his unspoken logic.)
And as he lays frozen and dazed beneath the weight of such an average girl, he can only stare up at Yashiro - adorable and pretty in all her sweet glory, framed by the moonlight glow of a luminous evening galaxy; So he can't help, but think:
At that moment, Yashiro looked brighter than any night sky he's ever watched - countless stars and a full moon combined.
".. Please."
(He was pretty sure a single word shouldn't have been so tempting. She hadn't even said what she was pleading for yet, but Amane felt like offering up his entire soul just to satisfy whatever wish she had - and whatever was settled inside his chest - because it definitely wasn't a heart, but it burned up and pounded in his ears like one. Less of a heart but more of a warm light- breathing in him so frantically that he felt his hand twitch in a sudden dire need to clench at the fabric of his shirt, right above where the strange phenomenon had taken place. It terrified him. It thrilled him. And those two contrasting emotions made him tremble under his transparent skin.. But Yashiro didn't need to know. She would never need to know.)
"Not for my sake, but tell me what you want to do."
"Do you just want me to stay here.. And never leave this place!?"
Her words rang through his ears, as if he'd just been snapped out of a hazy daydream and awakened into reality. A very cruel reality. Honestly, what exactly did Yashiro think he was doing all this for? And for a moment, he tried to look at things her way. Nonetheless, he had no idea what she was thinking except knowing what she could possibly have felt during this whole ordeal. 'Confusion,' he'd immediately think. The hundreds of possibilities his actions could have meant, and he wonders which one, apart from the truth, did Yashiro think. Still, in the short time he knew his assistant — she probably thought of it, too. But she labels her thoughts unsure, because she wanted him to tell her exactly why.. Why what? Why he was going so far as to conspire with Tsukasa just so she could live here? Why he'd go out of his way to trap her here? 'Why what?' He'd ask. 'Just why everything?' In truth, Amane understood what it is they may have gotten wrong, and though he could name ten of a few hundreds right then and there - that was just how bad he thought the damage of his actions was - still, Amane didn't shout explanations. He didn't chant excuses. Heck, he didn't even apologize.
Instead, he lifts himself up from his position on the cloud's surface, grabbing Yashiro on both sides of her arm in his haste to speak of his own feelings, because, as he says: "That's not it!" And he could not have worded it in a better way.
Amane falters, mouth left open even after the words fell between his lips. He takes a moment to recuperate; As if just saying those three words had taken half of his lifespan - which he counters, energy would probably be a better term, because he's already lost his lifespan all too long ago. His eyes waver even more than himself, lowering from her own ruby orbs, down to the blank and minimal distance between them. He was dumbfounded, searching for words like a how lost kid searches desperately for their parents in a crowd. Not that he remembered ever getting separated from his parents as a child. Tsukasa, maybe. But he didn't need to recall something like that anymore.
"It's not like.. I want you to stay here." And that fact was spoken firmly, although a bit lost in the air. She ought to know - Amane would have preferred staying with her here than leave her for his responsibilities as the 7th mystery. Because he admits and he admits regretfully, it would just be so easy to let himself fall deeper in the play of pretend. And if only she just discarded knowing him as an apparition. Amane wanted to be with her. Because truth be told, Yashiro had always said he wasn't her type. But he knew, if he asked - she would not reject him for the reason that he was a ghost. He wanted to avoid that. He couldn't have her spoiling him with all this happiness she'd brought him. God, he was supposed to atone for his sins. He was supposed to regret for the rest of his time lingering in the world of the living. But when he was with her, he almost didn't feel repentance for having done such horrible actions. He almost felt.. That if God were to turn back time, he would never change a thing if it meant he could see her again in between the shore of the living and the afterlife.
Yashiro wasn't some pet bird he was supposed to lock up in a cage, no matter how fancy it may be. She was such a free-spirited girl, more free than most. And it wasn't that he wanted to take that away from her. "You're the same as me. Without a future." He grimaced. "Me, who's only here to atone for my sins." And that was the point. Amane had only been there to atone for the faults he'd done in the past. All the while this girl, who he'd tried numerous times to scare off from emotional attachment with him by telling her he was a murderer, (and in which, no doubt, the attempt failed - and successfully granted her his very intense devotion to her) shewas supposed to have her life end in less than a year?
"Yashiro, you're.." Amane lets out a shaky breath, recalling all the other moments he played with her - just as vividly, or even more so than when he'd recall the fact about stars being suns just earlier. "Idealistic, kinda easy to mess with, clumsy," he lets out a fond laugh, one that would have been a balm to anyone's heart. "With super fat ankles.." He added.
"I knew about your lifespan from the very start. I mean, I'm dead, after all." Amane's voice probably shouldn't have been so bitter saying those words. "I never cared who died." He declared. "Really, I didn't." Amane's lips threatened to quiver from the wavering hold of his voice; He pressed his lips together in a thin line, just in an attempt to convince himself one last time. "I didn't.." He tried to say once more - and he'd remember how brightly he laughed with them. How fun it was to play after school.. And just how much more fun it could be if it could last longer.
The bottom of his eyelids bunched under his eyes - just like how they'd usually look when he'd be mischievously teasing the younger ones, but that the difference from then and now stands. Instead of smiling, Amane finds himself gritting his teeth - his jaw slacks and brows curving into each other. "I thought that I didn't.." He could feel the tears sting from the corner of his eyes, blurring his vision as his hands hold even more tightly onto Yahsiro's arms. She felt like the only stable object around him - as if letting go of her would make him break.. And even then he wasn't truly sure if she was stable, but at that moment, there was no other person he could ever have wanted in her place. Letting himself believe in the thought of her constant presence, he closes his eyes like one would do when they see the knife coming for them. As if doing that won't hurt as much. And it works. But barely.
"I want you to keep on living."
The revelation shakes Amane to the core; Even greater than any love confession could ever reduce him to. And maybe, that was just because he's never actually confessed love before. But he figured; It was as good as any other.
Amane can't hear anything. He can't hear anything. His eyes worked fine, yet they were unfocused - glassy from the dam of emotions threatening to break once more as he holds on tightly to Yashiro. He hoped he wasn't gripping harshly. Or else, he'd never forgive himself. Because wouldn't that be ironic? To hurt someone he claims to be working so hard to protect. As if he hadn't already been doing that already. But he had no other choice. He swears he had no other choice. The kid- Kou, declaring how he was going to save Yashiro, but in the end, he was doing nothing.
Amane really did want Yashiro to live. She was just.. Wonderful. And really, he didn't have that wide a vocabulary to even describe Yashiro. But he felt it. Dear God, he felt it. He wanted her to live. He wanted her to believe that he wanted her to live. Because if his past actions were any indication, Yashiro could easily misunderstand. And she was the one person he didn't want to see him as someone who hurts her.
"Hey, take a look.. The moon is at its closest point yet!"
He blinks out of his daze at the gentle hand she uses to grasp his. And with no trace of hesitance, he does what she asks, marveling at the bright, but soft luminescence of this world's moon. Amane stills at the view. He's never seen it so close - even if it was fake. He winces bitterly at the thought, recalling his pains when he was alive. It seemed he was remembering too many things today.
"Y'know, earlier.." Yashiro's voice draws his attention. Like a moth to a flame. And in a slow motion, Amane's focus was lifted to her. "Tsuchigomori-sensei told me that.. When humanity first made it to the moon, everyone started thinking- that everything that seemed impossible could still be achieved." His expression contorts to mild confusion, until Yashiro was suddenly skipping in front of him, and she made the cutest gesture as she speaks. "How about we just go together? To the moon!" He stares.
"I want to keep on living in the real world! Next year, the year after.. For the next ninety years!"
Yashiro wasn't over the top beautiful. She wasn't someone boys would flock to gossip over whenever she walks by. But if she was stuck in a world filled with just 'Amane's, she would have been their Goddess. Her magenta eyes sparkled in pure optimism, the pale skin of her cheeks dusted with a rose hue that comes naturally. At that moment, Amane was.. Mesmerized. And as Yashiro glides so gracefully closer to him, with a childlike naivety in her motions - she grasped his hand tightly, bowing her head and closing her eyes tight in a wish. His breathe caught in his throat, and he represses the urge to choke on his surprise, his chest warming in understanding of her actions.
Yashiro was alluring.
"Dear Hanako-san, Hanako-san.."
Hanako holds his breath.
"Won't you please grant my wish?"
Amane winces as his own voice echoed through the walls of the third story girls' bathroom. He shivered at the silence echoing from the walls, filling the room in a sort of stale atmosphere. That was exactly what made it all the more terrifying.
He wasn't even sure if he said the right words! Thinking hard, he knocks three times once more.
"Hanako-san, Hanako-san.. Are you there?"
For a moment, he thought he saw a pair of legs, ankles chubby with flesh looking much like radishes that..
It's kind of cute.