Work Text:
The sound of heavy breathing echoed across the dark room that was occupied by a young man who was sitting right at the far back corner. Metawin took some time to catch his breath and after confirming that the one sitting there was indeed one of his classmates, he placed his bag in the nearest chair to where he was standing.
It was silent, only the sound of the old air conditioner was loud enough to keep him from thinking about the awkwardness hanging in the air. It was his own fault to allow himself to think that no one would be earlier to arrive than him but he continued what he planned to do. Metawin pulled out the diary from his bag and opened a dog-eared page that looked worn-out from how often he opened it.
"Sorry I only have the time to open it now." Metawin whispered to a photo of a man smiling at the camera; he had his hand around Metawin’s shoulders. The big smile on their faces depicted a peaceful and happy youth. Maybe it was true, he took everything for granted at that time but it was unfair that he didn't even get to say goodbye.
"It’s still the same. I miss you," Metawin continued with a teary smile. "But now, I’ve pretty much accepted it." It took two years for Metawin to be able to absorb everything that happened and now he had made peace with the situation and with himself which surprisingly a lot faster than he would have expected. Metawin didn’t want to drown in despair for the sake of his parents and his friends.
"Luke Ishikawa."
Metawin froze in his seat, feeling a lot like someone threw a bucket full of cold water over him. He turned around in his seat to make sure that the guy sitting behind him had just spoken to him and Metawin met a pair of eyes who were staring back at him. It was him. Metawin recognized his face, but not his name. He was a quiet young man who didn't seem to be friends with anyone in class.
"Excuse me?" Metawin tried to sound unshaken at all when in fact he was slightly frightened. He took the photo to show it to the guy who was still staring at him with an unreadable look. "Do you know him?" he asked to confirm. As the man shook his head, Metawin sighed and slipped the photo back into his diary, he thought he would have to hold off the little ritual for later.
It still didn’t explain how the guy could know the name of the man in the photo, however, but for now, Metawin would rather die out of curiosity than deal with him.
Metawin switched to his private twitter account, this time writing what was in his mind at the moment. It was a strange mixture between astonishment, curiosity and fear that pushed him to tweet. Not even a minute later, Mix flooded their chat room, asking if he was okay. He must have seen the tweets and they made him worried.
It took him a little bit of mind force to fight against the urge to turn his head and see if the guy was still looking at him but Metawin no longer felt the eyes on him. He leaned back against his seat and typed his answers to relieve his best friend’s worry, he knew how much of a worrywart Mix could be. He decided to tell his best friend everything about what just happened a moment ago when his classmates started to arrive one by one, except one person.
Just when Mix replied to his latest message about not wanting to have something to do with the guy, a new message from Khaotung popped up, saying he might be late to class. Metawin shook his head and kept his phone away before closing the diary and put it back into his bag. He thought he would try and talk to Luke again when they pay him a visit--it might even be a better idea than to talk to a photo all day.
They went to the burial ground the next day, just the three of them. Mix had told him he wouldn’t let Metawin go alone, especially not when he was at his worst state and it kind of became a habit that the two would go with him, even at the most random time when he really wanted to meet Luke. Metawin felt nothing but gratefulness towards his best friends for being there with him through the hard times, he would never forget it.
“You can cry, you know.” Mix nudged his side.
Metawin opened his eyes and glanced at his best friend but stayed silent.
“As long as you don’t cry because you’re sad,” he heard Khaotung uttered behind them. “You can cry because you miss him.”
The thought made him emotional and he broke down in front of the grave again, something he had promised the older guy he would never do again after the 365th days, no matter how much he missed him. He failed to fulfill that promise today because it was exactly the date of Luke’s funeral, two years ago. They didn’t spend a long time there, Mix and Khaotung wouldn’t let him and went home before it got dark.
On the way home, the sky was painted in a soft tone of oranges and there were silver linings in the clouds, Metawin couldn’t help and snapped some pictures. It was so beautiful and somehow put a sense of peace to his mind and he thought it might mean that the universe didn’t want to see him sad. He pulled up instagram to post a story about today with the best picture of the sky that he shot, thinking about Luke’s smiling face as he did so.
-
Just my luck , Metawin thought to himself.
He halted his step in the doorway when the sight that greeted him was a fully occupied classroom and the only empty seat left for him wasn't next to Khaotung. With a deliberate stomp in every step he took closer towards the empty seat, he walked over without regarding the eyes that were staring at him exactly like that time.
"Metawin?"
Metawin finally turned his head but remained silent, waiting for what the guy whose name he didn’t even know would say. Those round eyes looked as if he was tracing into the deepest part of Metawin's mind, making him feel restless and uncomfortable but he was still watching when the man opened his mouth. "Do you want to meet Luke?" That certainly got his whole attention.
"Huh?" Metawin said half-whispering. "You said you don’t know him? And what do you mean by meeting him?" Metawin tried to hide the fact that he was already frantically thinking about the implications of the question. Even though he sounded as disinterested as someone could get, Metawin immediately thought that it was some kind of a threat.
There was a half twist of his mouth that was almost a smile . "Calm down first,” the guy said before briefly glancing around, as if afraid that someone might be watching and tapping into their conversation, then he tore a piece of paper from his book. "If you don't want to meet him, that's fine." he said while writing something down on the paper which was then given to Metawin. There was a name and a string of numbers which obviously was the guy’s name.
Bright Vachirawit Chivaaree.
"So, you know him?"
"I don’t."
"Then how did you know about me and him?"
"He’s here. Don’t you want to ask him yourself?"
Metawin shot up from his seat to shout in front of Bright's face, "Are you crazy?!" and simultaneously managed to become the center of attention. He apologized and sat back in his chair when he noticed the eyes on him. He was kind of pissed when he saw Bright who didn’t seem fazed at all with the situation, leaving him to feel like he was being dramatic.
Metawin took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He brought the piece of paper up to Bright's face, holding himself back from throwing it. "What is this for exactly?" he asked with gritted teeth.
Bright replied without turning his head, "In case you change your mind."
Metawin wasn’t sure the first time but this time, he was sure that the guy held a grudge against him or something because everything he said didn’t make sense and it made him feel nothing but scared now. He tried not to think too much about it but he couldn’t concentrate on the lesson. He didn’t even need to see who blew his phone up after he logged into his twitter and in his panic, tweeted on the wrong account while being all vague about it.
He only opened the chat room after making sure the prof wasn’t keeping an eye on him anymore. ‘It was him again’ , he told Mix who basically was the only one clueless. Sometimes he wished Mix was in the same faculty as them. He then looked up to see Khaotung who had his back on him and was brave enough to be on his phone when he sat pretty far upfront. Metawin didn’t think of the possibility that Bright might see everything from how close their seats were because of how scared he was. He wanted the class to end quickly or anything that could grant him access to leave the classroom right at that moment.
Don’t think too much about it, he repeated in his head like a mantra.
Mix’s reply popped in the chat room, ‘And you believe in what he said?’
That night Metawin found himself lying awake in his bed, it was late and already past his bedtime but he couldn’t seem to fall asleep. Bright’s words were raging inside his head ‘He’s here’ . What did that even mean?
He put an arm over his eyes, his mind started suggesting that what Bright said was the truth. That it was real and Luke really had been following him around because of the way the guy had told him about it was so nonchalant, just like when he first talked to him that day. It was as if Bright had gotten used to dealing with something like that all his life that it didn’t affect him anymore. However, it did affect Metawin, whose whole life had never once paid attention to supernatural things that might be real and did exist amongst them.
What if Luke really showed up? Metawin felt chills running down his spine then sprang up on his bed, deciding that it would probably be better to crash one of his best friends’ houses tonight, just so he could have a good night sleep and forget about the thing he should’ve kept not paying attention to until the end.
Mix looked a bit grumpy before his expression twisted into worry when he opened the door, seeing how pale he was. Metawin was just glad he arrived safely, really. He was rushed into the house by his best friend, it seemed like the entire house was already asleep. He felt bad for the interruption but Mix quickly shook it off when they got into his room. As expected, Mix had already prepared to go to bed.
After a quick shower, Metawin settled in with Mix who had his eyes closed but not really asleep. “What do you think he meant by meeting Luke?” he found himself whispering, recalling Bright’s words. “What if it’s by death?” The fear was there but it was like a little fire at the back of his mind, faint but it was there.
He heard Mix heaving a sigh before he spoke in a soft voice. “Go to sleep.”
Metawin didn’t close his eyes for a couple of minutes after the silence that followed Mix’s last sentence but once he did, he fell asleep right away and dreamed of nothing. Not even of things he always dreamed about.
When he woke up the next morning, Mix was gone. The house was still as quiet as ever until he realized that everyone had left, Mix to class and his parents to work. He glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table and it read he’s gonna be freaking late to class but honestly, he didn’t really feel like going. He was thinking of skipping but Khaotung reminded him he had used all of his pass.
“If I hadn’t reminded you, you wouldn’t have been here, would you?” Khaotung had said and narrowed his eyes at him during lunch.
He nodded, “Hell yeah.”
Khaotung shook his head. “Are you avoiding him?”
Metawin stopped chewing altogether to give his best friend a look. “Khao, I’m scared.”
“Come on, you know he’s not that scary, right?” Khaotung pointed his chopstick at him. “Like Mix said, there’s nothing to be scared about.” he rolled his eyes before resume picking out the vegetables from Metawin’s plate.
Deep down, Metawin knew his best friends were right. There was nothing to be afraid of. Bright was a normal guy just like the rest of them and it wasn’t like he could judge a person from just two exchanges in which both were pretty unusual, if you ask him. They gave nothing away about the guy but somehow Metawin was still hesitant.
“I think you should talk to him, Win.”
He turned to look at Khaotung who looked like he was serious about what he said. “But what if he really is a psychopath or something?” Metawin shivered at the thought.
Khaotung looked at him like he was the weird one. “I don’t think he is. I’ve talked to him before and he was pretty easy to talk to,” he paused before adding, “Besides, he must have his own reason to talk to you that day, don’t you think?”
Damn, Metawin thought, he really wanted him to try.
“Fine, I will give it a try but if something happens to me, promise you’ll be there.”
“Nothing will happen to you and yes, you can count on us.”
Metawin went to class the next day only to be disappointed because Bright was absent. Khaotung welcomed him, patted the empty chair next to him that was previously occupied by his backpack, choosing not to make the same mistake. "Here, Win." he said with a thousand-watt smile.
Metawin dropped into the chair, sought a comfortable position and leaned on the small table that was connected to the chair, not letting his enthusiasm fade today, although he felt a little disappointed because what he had planned all night didn’t go accordingly.
Only during lunch did Metawin remember the piece of paper which was lucky enough not to end up in the trash bin. After some deliberation that day, he finally decided to secretly keep it. "Where is it again?" he said suddenly, which made Khaotung glance at him for a second before taking a spoonful of tom yum soup into his mouth.
"What is where?" Khaotung responded after finishing his lunch, amused at his best friend’s confused face.
Metawin stopped trying to search into his sling bag when he didn’t find that piece of paper there and finally chose to give up. "The piece of paper that he gave me." he replied while trying to remember where he put the paper if it wasn’t inside his bag.
"Ah!" he yelled, this time startling his best friend with how loud it was. Metawin chuckled before a frown appeared on his forehead. "I think it might be in the pocket of the shirt I wore yesterday.." he trailed off. The problem was, he couldn’t remember if he had sent a bunch of his clothes in the basket to the laundry. Khaotung reached out his hand to flick his best friend’s on the forehead.
“I’m going back now!" Metawin took his bag and slung it over his shoulder before leaving the table and pulled his best friend to leave the place. On the way back, Metawin kept cursing him dumb self for not saving Bright’s phone numbers first thing after he got it.
-
He sent Bright a message, expecting the guy to reply immediately but the reply came like an hour later when Metawin had forgotten he’d sent a message in the first place. At first, Bright did what anyone would do when they received a message from an unknown number, asking who he was in which Metawin replied with ‘It’s Metawin’.
The reply that came after kind of pissed him off to a certain extent but not enough to completely stop trying to talk to the guy. He couldn’t believe he waited 30 minutes for an ‘Oh’ and nothing else after. He thought it couldn’t possibly end just like that but he was a bit hesitant to send his next message.
But he did eventually and Bright’s reply came 15 minutes later, telling him he already knew why he decided to text him. Metawin sputtered but then realized why else he would text Bright, the guy was not an idiot and he should probably stop thinking something was off about him. He started to feel bad for thinking absolutely nothing good about the guy and mostly just curious now.
Bright’s answer about why he was absent was vague but Metawin knew better than to push even when he had to wait for like 45 minutes at max. While waiting for Bright’s texts, he had done all the chores and now that his room was immaculate, he didn’t know what else to do because the guy never replied right away. When asked about replying faster, Bright just told him he was currently busy, forcing Metawin to finally tell the guy that he wanted to talk.
“Do I have to spell it out or something? Why does it look like I’m begging for his time?” Metawin grumbled as he put his phone down and went back to his dinner.
He thought about what Bright had said about Luke and the possibility of why he was trying to reach him after years. Does something like a second chance even exist? And what caused him to be back and sought help through Bright? If such a thing as a second chance does exist, he was scared. Scared that he might lose it.
-
Ghosts, ghouls and anything supernatural.
Metawin closed the book in his hand, deciding that it was not something he would want to read, no matter how interesting it was. Bright asked to meet in the faculty’s library, small but not quite peaceful according to him. He went back to the table where the guy was typing away on his laptop, reminding Metawin of this assignment they had just been given earlier. He sat in the seat across, peeking curiously at his classmate.
“Found the book?” Bright asked, eyes never leaving his laptop screen.
“Yeah,” Metawin answered with a frown. “It seems like a pretty old book. They use a difficult language.”
The clicking sound of the keyboard stopped as Bright glanced up and briefly put his specs back in place. “Thought you might be interested to read.” he said, this time his eyes were on Metawin.
“I’m not really into reading,” Metawin gave him an awkward smile, feeling self-conscious all of the sudden by the stare. “I’d prefer someone tell me.”
He thought he saw the slightest hint of smile on Bright’s lips but it was gone the next second that he thought he might have imagined it. “Figured.” he nodded before closing the lid of his laptop then took off his specs which Metawin thought made him look less intimidating and more modest, he decided. “What do you want to know?”
Metawin had a little bit of an idea in his head that didn’t go away for days. “Are you… you know? Do you have the sixth sense?” There, he finally said it. He got in from a belated observation after jumping into a wrong conclusion and not counting the existence of the possibility. He thought that people like Bright wouldn’t want anyone to know about what they had.
“And it took you six days to figure it out?” Bright asked with a smirk.
“Yes,” Metawin rolled his eyes then swatted a hand in front of his face. “Can we move on?”
Bright nodded quietly. Metawin noticed that there was something about this guy that was so calming. He looked around the library and saw that it was empty. The orangish lights that came through the blinds casted beautiful yet eerie shadows across the old building of the library.
“Tell me what you want to know.” Bright repeated, almost patiently even though his eyes looked tired, like he had been crying.
Metawin blinked. “Uh, about Luke.” he mumbled quietly, like he was unsure himself what there was to know about Luke when he was the one who had been into a relationship with him.
“Right,” Bright nodded. “I just know that he’s your late boyfriend.”
“That can’t be all.” Metawin refused to believe that it was the only thing Luke told the other about them.
“Well, he asked me for help to get to you.” Bright shrugged.
“What?” Metawin looked at the guy incredulously. “Why?”
“Do you want to ask him yourself?”
There he is again, Metawin thought. “How?”
Instead of answering, Bright closed his eyes while rubbing the palm of his hands together in front of him. He took a deep breath before exhaling slowly and did it for a few times until his face was twisted into a different expression that was usually displayed on his face, it was generally more cheerful and relaxed and familiar.
“Win.”
The face that he saw in front of him was Bright’s. The voice that called his name was Bright’s but strangely, Metawin felt a sting of familiarity in the way that voice graced his hearing. He could tell the difference, it didn’t take years of befriending Bright to be able to do it, apparently.
“Win?” He called again when Metawin didn’t answer. “Win, I know it’s hard to believe but it’s me.”
“Luke?” Metawin couldn’t decide how he felt about calling that name out loud again after two years. He was suffering for the longest time since Luke left this world. “Why are you here?”
There was a sad smile on his face as Luke replied, “I haven’t been able to reincarnate yet for a whole year because there’s apparently something left that I haven’t finished with you but I don’t know what it is.”
Metawin went silent but he was trying to rack his brain for what was left of their three years relationship. They had a pretty stable relationship but never boring. They rarely had a fight, everything was fine until he found out Luke had depression the night he was found dead and that was the end of their relationship.
“Could it be...” Metawin bulged his eyes then looked at Luke. He went to get the only thing related to Luke in a way that he always brought with him from his bag then put it on the table. “This?”
Luke looked at the diary with a questioning look. “Your diary?”
Metawin couldn’t bring himself to remember when the last time he had opened this page. It was a page where he had scribbled a bucket list for fun but he never actually got to tell Luke about it. “No, it might be this bucket list.” he suggested quietly, turning the book for Luke to see.
“That’s… interesting.” a tired voice said and Metawin looked up to see that it was Bright.
The guy looked even more exhausted than before and it kinda put guilt in Metawin’s heart. He remembered about the bucket list and quickly retracted it before Bright could see, somehow he wasn’t ready to embarrass himself yet even though he knew the guy had probably seen what was in it.
“I’m sorry I’ve been using up too much energy these days.” Bright told him which he quickly brushed off.
“No, it’s- it’s okay.” Metawin stammered, putting the diary back into his bag.
“How was it?” Bright asked carefully. Metawin noticed that he looked a bit tense.
He himself was sitting straight in his chair, didn’t even realize that he was also as tense. “I never thought that was possible.” he admitted to which Bright nodded.
“I can understand.” Bright was getting back to gathering his stuff. The library was closing soon.
“Do you…” Metawin bit his lower lip. “Want to grab something for dinner?”
The look on Bright’s face was probably the initial expression he would show when taken aback but he didn’t let Metawin see it for long before it slipped back into his usual cold demeanor. Metawin grinned anyway when the guy said, “Sure. I’m starving.”
-
It turned out that there was a way to ‘meet’ Luke other than through death and Mix had said it was never guaranteed that if he killed himself he was going to meet the older man, he might have been reincarnated right away. Bright should know about it more than anyone else, probably why he was trying to convince him that there was nothing to be afraid of associating himself with the guy.
“But you don’t believe in supernatural things,” Metawin tapped a pencil against his chin. “Or you do?” he said, suspicious.
Mix had his back on him, hunching over the study desk to type something into his laptop. He had been on it for about two hours, just like him. The assignments weren’t going to finish themselves. It was one of those days they gathered at Metawin’s place and appreciated the peace it provided to get some work done. Khaotung turned to lay on his back to join the conversation, “I doubt it.” he said.
“You know I don’t really care.” Metawin saw Mix’s shoulders moved in a shrug and he sighed, leaning back on the headboard. “I’m just telling you to be careful not to get too involved with the spirits once you find it interesting.” he said with an emphasis on ‘spirits’.
“You said you saw him get possessed?” Khaotung recalled to which Metawin nodded. “I thought he was only able to talk to spirits.”
“Yeah, don’t know what it’s called, though,” he mumbled, chewing on the bottom of his pencil. “It’s like he deliberately got possessed.”
Mix ceased his rapid typing to butt in, “Can someone do that?” somehow Metawin thought he sounded a bit interested in the topic but he could be wrong. It could just be curiosity or most likely mockery.
“There are people who can do that,” Khaotung told him. “Win said he’s gifted.”
“Oh.” The typing noises were back. Clearly uninterested.
Metawin turned to Khaotung. “All this thinking got my stomach growling.” he complained.
Khaotung chuckled. “So, what are you going to do next?”
“Order something for dinner?”
Mix scoffed at the back.
“No, I mean with Bright.”
“I’m going to talk to him again tomorrow,” Metawin heaved a sigh. “I think yesterday in the library was pretty convincing to me.”
Khaotung nodded and didn’t push further even though he could tell his best friend was interested to hear more. Unlike Mix, Khaotung believed in supernatural happenings.
He reached for his phone to order some chicken from one of the shops that was giving free delivery service. They waited for the chicken, with Metawin managing to stray the topic because he was somehow, for once, hesitant to let their best friends be informed more, knowing Mix’s tendency to make fun of something he found strange, he was sure Bright wouldn’t last a minute being in the same room with his best friend.
-
There was a rumble in the sky and when Metawin looked up, it started pouring. His reaction was to squint so the droplets of water didn’t get into his eyes until a hand pulled him and he was running. He had no clue where they were heading, it was brief but they still got soaked anyway. It was a house in a resident area that Metawin couldn’t recognize. The street was deserted because of the rain and it was honestly a perfect scene out of a horror movie.
Except, Metawin shook the thoughts off his head, it was not a horror movie and they weren’t even in a movie at all. Bright pushed the wooden door and stepped in first, holding it open for him. Metawin followed hesitantly and let the door close behind him. Bright walked too fast, probably didn’t hear him almost trip on what looked like a remote control on the entryway. He only looked back when the recorder Metawin accidentally kicked clattered on the floor.
“Sorry about that.” Bright told him as they got to what Metawin assumed was a living room, judging from the television and the sofa.
Metawin scanned the room, there were books scattered on the floor right at the foot of the sofa. “God, this place is a mess.”
Bright made a noise that somehow sounded like he agreed. “Yes, I can see that, thank you.”
“I didn’t mean to say that out loud.” Metawin cupped a hand over his mouth as he felt the need to prove it.
“It’s okay, I don’t mind.” Bright laughed--or scoffed, “It is a mess.”
“What happened?” Metawin looked around again and something in the cabinet full of ceramics caught his eyes. There were flowers, lots of them. Next to the television was a small vase filled with Baby’s Breath.
“Nothing, uh, shall we start?” Bright asked like he was trying to divert Metawin’s attention.
Metawin, who finally became aware of the state they were in, shivered from how cold his fingertips felt. “I would love a towel first, please.”
“Oh, yeah right.” He watched as Bright went to the bathroom. The guy was back with two folds of a small towel. “Here’s your towel.” he said, handing one of them to Metawin.
“Bright, do you ever have any guests over?” he asked, genuinely curious, then began toweling his hair dry while Bright followed suit.
“My best friend crashes here from time to time. Why do you ask?”
“I’m assuming you live alone, then.” Metawin shrugged, realizing a trail of wet mess that he’d made on the floor and looked at it distastefully.
“No, not really.”
Metawin looked up to give the guy a confused look but Bright only stared back.
“Shall we start?” he asked, clearly changing the topic. “Or you might want something to change into?”
Metawn groaned. He couldn’t wait to get out of this wet, soggy piece of clothes. “That would be nice. Thanks.”
“Should we order something to eat first?”
Metawin didn’t expect Bright would ask after they got changed. He just didn’t expect the guy would even consider the idea of dinner with him but he was actually pleased because the thing he looked forward to the most at the moment after being soaked in the rain was probably food. Mix said Metawin was a good listener and so cooperative when his stomach was full. They ordered two boxes of pizza.
“Okay,” Metawin spoke once Bright put away his phone. “I have a few things to ask.”
“Shoot.”
“What state are you in when Luke is inside your body?”
“I’m pretty much conscious.”
“You can hear us talking?” Metawin was astonished.
Bright shrugged and Metawin couldn’t help but notice his fingers joined together like he was trying to seek warmth. “Yes. It’s just that I can’t control my body.”
“Oh wow, okay,” Metawin began to look around the house again, noting a row of small framed pictures on the wall. “Is he around?”
Bright nodded towards an empty spot next to him where he was sitting on the carpet. “He’s sitting right next to you.”
There was an inkling of fear after hearing what Bright said but Metawin tried to grow some balls to do what he wanted next. “Can I talk to him please?”
And it was like in the library all over again; Bright closing his eyes, rubbing the palm of his hands together until there was a moment that Metawin could tell the guy was no longer in control of his own body. The wind that blew the curtains was cold and he was suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that he was technically left alone with a spirit or rather, spirits. God knows what else was there in the house with them.
“Luke?” His voice was shaking.
“I’m here.” Luke answered with a soft smile which relieved him.
“Do you really follow him around the whole time?” Metawin frowned, trying not to think about how it freaked him out when he heard it from Bright the first time.
“Most of the time but it gets boring.”
Metawin felt a strange urge to laugh. “Is he boring?”
“Hmm yeah, he’s a pretty average guy.”
“So, you’ve known this place?”
“Yeah.”
“What do you mean about him being an average guy? I mean, no average guy can do this.”
“Well, yeah… there’s nothing average about befriending spirits but he’s pretty normal.”
Metawin found himself agreeing. “I guess he is.”
“Why? Got a little crush on him?”
“Are you crazy?” Metawin looked at Luke incredulously, feeling the tenseness had dissolved by now.
“You know he’s listening, right?” Luke reminded, “You could’ve asked him yourself.”
“Thanks for the advice.” Metawin gave a sarcastic smile and Luke had this smile on his face that he couldn’t read but it got the conversation to easily shift onto the part that Metawin deemed more important.
“What do you want to do?”
“Let’s complete the bucket list.”
“How?” Luke held up his hands and shrugged. “He can’t have a whole day, he’ll get tired.”
“Then you can get out after every item done in the bucket list.” Metawin suggested.
“He should last for about four hours if he tries hard enough but these days he gets worn-out easily from all the crying that he-”
“Alright, that’s enough.”
It was Bright. Luke got cut off mid-speech and Metawin could imagine how pissed the older man was. He would have laughed if it weren’t for the small information that Luke let slip just before Bright forcefully switched back. It seemed like something Bright didn’t want anyone to know, even Metawin.
“You’ve been crying?” but Metawin was genuinely curious and only a little bit concerned, so he found himself asking. “Why?”
There was a long pause and just when Bright opened his mouth to speak, the doorbell rang.
Bright was on his feet at once, “That’s the pizza.” he said before rushing to the front door.
-
“Cool, you’ve gotten yourself a date.”
Metawin paused fixing his fringes in the mirror to turn around and stared unamused at his best friend. Mix had been teasing him about it since the moment he arrived and Metawin had insisted that it was not a date, more like an appointment but his best friend had snorted out a laugh, saying how important he thought Bright was as a person to call it an appointment.
“It’s not a date!” he repeated, for the nth time.
“Technically, it is.” Khaotung said with a mouthful of porridge. “But Luke’s just borrowing Bright’s body.”
Metawin rolled his eyes. “I don’t really think it needs to be explained.”
Mix clapped his hands. “Stop the chattering, you don’t want to be late.”
“I thought you weren’t interested?” Metawin raised an eyebrow as he put on a white denim jacket and reached for his favorite green little sling bag.
“I’m not,” Mix said matter-of-factly. “Does not mean I can’t wish my best friend good luck?”
“Good luck? For what?” Metawin stopped in the middle of putting on his shoes to regard his best friend with a half-amused, half-confused smile.
Mix clicked his tongue before opening the door and shoved him out of the room. “You’re welcome.”
Khaotung joined him at the door. “Go, you’re gonna be late.”
Metawin could see how eager his best friends were to tease him. He glanced at the watch circled around his wrist. “Christ, it’s not even eleven yet.” he complained.
“Where are you going, anyway?”
“The arcade.”
Mix snorted. “Have you always been this old-fashioned?”
“Shut up.” Metawin glared at the dark-haired guy.
Mix laughed but he sounded serious when he said, “You know what to do if something goes south, Win.” The first thing he said all morning that wasn't trying to get on his nerves.
“Yes, thanks. I’m gonna go.” Metawin smiled his usual eye-smile and turned to leave.
Khaotung waved a hand. “You don’t have to worry about us, we won’t wait.”
Metawin was already walking away towards the elevator and only waved a hand when he heard his best friends’ laughter in the distance. The nearest bus shelter was never empty, there were always people waiting, even at the oddest hours of the day. Bright was already there when he arrived, leaning against a pole while scrolling on his phone.
“Metawin.” he pushed himself off the pole to regard him with a small nod of his head. Metawin didn’t know what made him think Bright would switch with Luke already before he got here but it was Bright who spoke because Luke almost never called him Metawin. “Did you run?” he asked in observation of Metawin’s slightly damp temple and his breathlessness.
“A habit.” Metawin grimaced, reaching up to wipe the sweat off his forehead.
“What line do we take?” Bright asked, eyes already on the route maps displayed on his phone.
“Number 49 to Thonburi.”
The bus arrived not much later, to Metawin’s delight. He thought he couldn’t stand waiting another minute, not with sweat starting to pool on his temple which he insisted was from the humid weather. Having a talk with Bright somewhere quiet or when it was just the two of them was one thing but actually going somewhere with the guy was making him nervous more than it should. He also hated how it made him a bit self-conscious than he originally was.
“It’s pretty old.” Bright said after they got off their last 30 minutes ride to Kanchanaburi.
“It’s my hometown.” Metawin mumbled.
Bright only nodded while he continued looking around the neighborhood. The buildings were still the same, it didn’t change much since Metawin left Kanchanaburi for Bangkok. The arcade was just around this corner, Metawin was hoping it was still running. It was part of his childhood that he wouldn’t trade for anything, so when he spotted the big, turned-off neon lamp, he forgot about his sweating palms.
“This is the arcade where I used to go with Luke,” Metawin told Bright, walking with springs in his step. “We went here often.” he added for trivia and stepped into the building. They walked past rows of machines towards the small counter where the cashier was until a man behind it recognized Metawin.
“Win boy! It’s been a long time!” the man greeted with a boisterous laugh.
“Oh, I can see that.” Bright said to himself as he watched the exchange.
The man noticed Bright’s looming presence and regarded him with a confused smile, “Is this…?”
“My friend,” Metawin informed him with an awkward gesture towards the guy who just nodded silently. “Bright.”
Metawin then proceeded to purchase a pocket full of coins while Bright was doing a series of preparations to let Luke inside his body and take over at the back. It was the first time he saw Bright or rather Luke settled in with his eyes opened. They were closed before. Metawin wasn’t sure what different it did for Luke but honestly, it felt more real--like Metawin wasn’t talking to some spirit inside a borrowed body, as Khaotung said. This was getting more fun.
“Ahhh I’ve missed this place.” Luke put his hands inside Bright’s jacket and inhaled, he had a huge smile on his face as he wandered his gaze around.
The corners of Metawin’s lips were lifted in an enthusiastic smile of his own. “Me too. I was surprised it didn’t change much.” the scratch accidentally made by his mechanical pen at the side of the machine was still there.
“Look, the highest score is still mine.” Luke told him, pointing at the screen of a shooting game arcade.
Metawin took one of the guns and gripped the handle tightly. “I’ve come to beat you.”
They started the first round, second, third and kept going until they lost count. Four hours went fast like nothing. Metawin was so focused on his ambitions to beat Luke that he didn’t realize he’d run out of coins. Luke laughed out loud before he was switched back. The guy in front of him was panting like he just ran a marathon and Metawin sort of felt bad.
“That was intense.” Bright said, trying to catch his breath. “I didn’t know someone could suck so bad.”
Metawin glared at Bright, regretting to have felt bad for him even the slightest. “Well, you’ll know once you play.”
“Game’s on.” Bright brought the handle back to a shooting position with a grin, even though he was still exhausted but it looked like the guy was having fun.
In the end, Bright won after the first round with a score higher than Luke’s. Technically that made him the holder of the highest score for this machine. Metawin couldn’t believe what he saw, the guy was so good. He had a bit of speculation that Bright enjoyed playing games or frequent arcades in his free time but that was for him to find out later. Now, Bright was offering him to enter his name on the machine.
“Are you sure?” Metawin gave the guy a side-glance to confirm.
Bright nodded. “You can have it.”
“Really?”
Bright raised his brows quietly and gestured at the screen. Metawin typed in his name, didn’t notice the small smile on Bright’s face. Then again, the guy might not realize he was smiling either. Metawin wondered when was the last time he had fun and truly enjoyed a companion like this. That was one item crossed out, he was already looking forward to the next one in the list.
-
“Must we do this?”
“Sssh, it’s my dream.”
Metawin still could feel Luke’s eyes boring into the side of his face even after he’d turned to look at the front where there was a woman in her forties, probably, carrying on a subject about the e-learning principles. There was nothing wrong with this image, except, neither Bright nor Metawin studied educational technology and they most definitely didn’t take The Introduction to E-Learning.
“To intrude someone else’s class?” Luke asked, his voice unnecessarily a whisper.
“You know how much I wanted to transfer school in the middle of a semester,” Metawin rolled his eyes then added, “But since I’m in college now I can’t really do that.”
Luke shook his head, frustrated. “But what if we got caught?”
“You won’t,” Mix turned around in his seat just to tell them. “Honestly if you do, my prof doesn’t really care.” he said and ended it with a shrug before turning back to face the front.
“That’s kinda reassuring, Mix.” Luke said, visibly deflated.
“Just keep low, err, Bright? Luke?”
“It’s Luke.”
“Alright.”
Metawin was enjoying the thrill of trying to blend in with the rest of the class but in the end, she noticed the new, unfamiliar faces though. It was at the end of the lecture where she picked at least one person to ask a question. She must have sensed Luke’s fear that she picked him to give her one question about the lecture or else she would prolong the class dismissal, causing everyone to groan and now, sort of counting on Luke. He came up with a question about redundancy and that probably saved someone from running late to a date.
“That was actually a very good question.” Mix said on their way out of the classroom.
“Thanks.” Luke grinned, no longer as tense as earlier now that the class had been dismissed.
Metawin looked at him, astonished. “How did you come up with that?”
“It was Bright.”
Metawin whistled, nodding in approval. “That’s impressive.”
“Oh god,” Bright took a deep breath. “Thanks.” he said with a brief smile.
“Hey,” Metawin greeted him. “Tired yet?”
“I’m beat.” Bright wiped a hand across his face then looked around. “Where are we heading?”
A few steps ahead, Mix turned around and waved them over, looking somehow annoyed that they were taking their time strolling down the corridor. “The faculty’s canteen,” Metawin replied, assuming that was where they were heading judging from the direction Mix was going then an idea popped into his mind. “I’m treating you to dinner.”
-
Metawin didn’t think it would be so easy to talk Bright into letting them do the anime marathon in his house, mainly because Metawin thought it’d be best to do it with a bigger television and a bigger sofa in a bigger room and a bigger kitchen to make them some popcorn. Convenient, he would say. However, Metawin didn’t think he would find a guy sitting on said sofa, munching on a bag of chips when they arrived--or he probably should expect it from the way the door was suspiciously unlocked.
“Who?” the guy asked him.
Metawin smiled, sheepish. “I’m, uh, a classmate.”
“You’re his friend.” The guy said matter-of-factly and it kinda reminded him of Bright.
Metawin cleared his throat and nodded. “You can say that.”
Bright, who was doing God knows what shouted from the kitchen. “Don’t listen to First.”
“No, don’t listen to him.” The guy, First, waved a dismissive hand then told him with a smile as he got up from the sofa, “Make yourself at home.”
“Are you the best friend he was talking about?” Metawin gestured at him then at the kitchen direction.
“He talked to you about me?” First pointed at himself, clearly amused. “Ah, that’s endearing.” he said in a louder voice, obviously for Bright to hear.
“Why don’t you piss off?” Bright shouted, there was a loud clang of glass after. “Why are you here anyway?”
“Don’t act like it’s weird to have me around uninvited.” First shouted back.
“Right.” Bright was back with two glasses of coke and Metawin honestly didn’t know what all that chaos was for if he was gonna end up with coke and with no ice at that.
“I came to change the flowers.” First’s voice cut his train of thoughts.
“Thanks,” Metawin saw Bright glanced at the vase which was now filled with Pink Camellias. “Are you staying for dinner?” he offered, handing Metawin his glass of coke.
Metawin watched as the guy glanced between him and Bright interchangeably. First was contemplating the offer and Metawin could see that was his intention coming here other than changing the flowers. “Better not.” he said finally and Metawin wondered why he changed his mind.
Bright nodded, mostly trying to get on the guy’s nerves. “Good.”
There was no popcorn in the end because Bright hadn’t gone for grocery shopping in ages. Coke was their only companion and Metawin was a bit too excited to care about his blood sugar. They settled in and decided it would be best to go with the suggestions from Netflix since Luke was as clueless as someone could be about anime despite being half-japanese. They ended up watching Howl’s Moving Castle, Kiki’s Delivery Service and marathoned a whole season of Your Lie in April.
“That was sad.” Bright said after he switched back, wiping a stray tear at the corner of his eyes. Luke was one soft-hearted man.
Metawin sniffled and turned to look at his classmate in disbelief. “Sad? It was heartbreaking!”
There was silence after that. Metawin didn’t expect anything when he saw the title, to be completely honest. Who would have expected an anime could make him cry his heart out like this but then again he realized it was probably because he related to the situation Arima was in, losing someone you loved was never easy. He got up in search of tissues that they didn’t prepare and regretted because his face now probably was a mess of tears and snots.
“Is this your mom?” Metawin picked up a framed photo of a young boy and a woman that was standing next to the box of tissues on the tv table.
“Huh?” Bright looked up and when he saw what Metawin was talking about, he nodded. “Yes, it is.”
“She’s beautiful.” Metawin said with a soft smile on his face as he tried to find the similarity of the young man and the woman.
“The most beautiful woman.”
“I miss my mom,” Metawin put the photo back in its place, forgetting the tissues when he returned to the sofa. “I still think we should have picked Kabaneri of The Iron Fortress.” he said to Bright with a frown.
“Want to watch some more?” Bright offered, titling his head as an emphasis.
Metawin glanced out the windows, it was already dark. He could see now why so many people got addicted to watching anime. He thought he still had time to watch two or three more episodes of a new series, so they tuned in for Kabaneri of The Iron Fortress. Though, in the end, their attention span had narrowed and the series ended up as some kind of a background noise as they talked.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” Metawin didn’t know where he’d found the courage to ask that question out of the blue.
Bright shook his head. “No.”
“Before?”
“Just a few dates.” Bright replied quietly.
“Oh.”
“Was Luke your first love?”
Oh. Curious, are we? Metawin smiled, amused. “How did you know?”
Bright shrugged. Metawin had grown used to the gesture that the guy did a lot. “It was kind of obvious from the way you adore him.”
“He was my first love but not the first boyfriend I’ve had.” Metawin admitted.
“So, you’ve had a boyfriend before him?” Bright scratched his temple. “Did he know about this?”
Metawin didn’t think Bright was concerned enough about his relationship with Luke to ask but it could be for the sake to keep the conversation going. It made him somehow pleased that Bright was paying attention to little details but he’d seen for himself that the guy was quite observant. “Of course. He was also the brother I didn’t have.”
Bright’s lips were put in a thin line. Metawin thought it was as if he was trying not to cry. “I’m sorry.”
Metawin shook his head and huffed a laugh. “Thank you but I’m perfectly fine now, you see.” he said and at least he knew he didn’t just say that to convince himself like he used to do when Mix or Khaotung voiced their concerns. He could recall the memories without bursting into tears randomly now and that was a progress, wasn’t it? He was proud of himself and he knew that Luke was, too.
-
You could say that Metawin was stalling while Bright was, well, pushing. He wasn’t the only one who wanted everything to be over, okay, don’t get him wrong. It was just that, he needed courage and therefore time but apparently he had been stalling long enough that Bright texted him regularly to remind him that Luke was still around. There was one more thing in the bucket list, the last one and it was quite inappropriate for the lack of a better word.
“What’s in the list?” Mix peeked curiously at his diary.
Metawin closed the book and replied, “You don’t have to know.”
“Fine then.” He was glad Mix didn’t try harder. “Where do you go next?”
Metawin cleared his throat, putting the diary away from prying eyes and curious souls. “I’m planning a one day trip to Nakonpathom.“ he told his best friend who looked at him like he’d grown a second head.
“A trip? Are you insane?”
Metawin groaned. “It’s been in the list for so long, come on.”
“Should we go too?” Khaotung asked, breaking his silence.
Metawin shrugged at the idea, it wasn’t a bad idea though. “If you want.”
There was a new message from Bright right when he finished his meal. Mix was staring curiously at him and Khaotung had a knowing smile on his face. His best friends pointed out how he had been acting suspicious all day and Metawin knew nothing would convince them of any other ideas, so he didn’t even bother to deny or brush it off. Bright asked to meet him at the library, making him wonder if the guy ever had lunch at all.
“Gotta run to the library now. Bye Mix, Khao!” Metawin gathered his stuff and got up just in time with the iced coffee he ordered arriving. He took it and dashed off to the library without another word to his best friends who were just shaking his head.
Metawin spotted the guy at the same table as a few weeks ago. He should probably question how fast he did it. Well, to be fair, the library wasn’t even that huge to begin with and he could see everyone from the doorway. “Hey?”
Bright looked up from his laptop and huffed out a laugh. “Do you know food and drinks aren’t allowed?”
Metawin gasped and made a confused noise. “They must’ve not seen it. Be right back.”
“No, I’m done. Let’s head out.” Bright told him when he was about to take off, causing his step to halt and finally turned back around to stare at the guy.
“Okay.”
They ended up sitting on the benches near the lake when they stopped to rest their legs after heading out of the library and walked around the campus. Metawin had never really been to this part of the campus, it was close to the engineering faculty and he wondered how Bright knew about this spot.
“What’s next in the list?” Bright’s voice pulled him out of his reverie. The view of the lake before his eyes was pretty.
“How do you know there’s still more?” Metawin regretted asking a few seconds later because the answer was obvious enough.
“Well,” Bright shrugged. “It was Luke,” Of course it was him, Metawin thought.
“Besides, you never really told me that the anime marathon was the last one.” the guy added and turned to look at him.
The eyes on him kinda made him fidgety. “That’s true…” Metawin mumbled quietly.
There was a brief silence that fell between them and Metawin used it to contemplate if he should just ask Bright now. “Uhm, hey, I wonder if you’re up for a one day trip to Nakonpathom?” he asked, finally, decided that he no longer wanted to stall the time. He bit his lip, nervously waiting for what Bright’s response would be.
“Sure, why not?” Bright said, there was a glint of smile in his eyes when Metawin looked.
“That easy?”
“I’ve been wanting to go out of the city.” He told him with a shrug.
“Right.” Metawin nodded then added. “You can ask First to go with us.”
“He probably doesn’t want to but let’s see later,” Bright looked thoughtful when he asked, “When is it?”
“This weekend?”
“Sounds good.” Bright gave a slight nod.
He sighed in relief and threw himself backwards against the bench. “Cool, I’ll text you then.”
-
The one day trip to Nakonpathom had been perfectly planned, at least that was what Metawin thought. It was just that they spent the longest time walking around the marketplace, trying out a variety of seafood. First, despite hesitating at first, he ended up being the one enjoying this little trip the most, judging from the non-stop chattering. It relieved Metawin to see that he got along with his best friends, Mix was unexpectedly cooperative today. Khaotung was just being himself and that was never a problem. At some point, he and Luke excused themselves and walked away from the crowd, to check-in to the resort that Metawin had booked beforehand.
It was 2 kilometres away from the city, a ten-minutes ride with a taxi bike. He had spent a questionable amount of time being awake late at night just to look up for a resort with a lake view and a water recreational activity like this one. To say that he was embarrassed was an understatement. He had especially arranged a whole one-day trip for this, just so that his long-time wish could come true. And it was coming true, but Metawin wasn’t even sure if he still wanted this.
“Aren’t we going back?” he heard Luke asked.
Metawin fiddled with his fingers. “Uhm,”
Luke turned around to look up at him. “What? There’s more?”
Right, he hadn’t told the older guy that there was obviously more than riding a speed boat around the lake and watching the sunset. Metawin only needed to look at the sky to know that they were nearing the end of this trip. When he faced Luke, he realized he hadn’t gathered enough courage for this. He knew it was Luke inside Bright’s body but it was still Bright’s face that he saw in front of him. Something in his head told him he couldn’t back down now that they were here, so he crouched down from where he was standing on the passenger seat of the boat and took the other’s face into his hands, by now he thought Luke had already caught on.
“Win, hold on-”
Metawin screwed his eyes shut and pressed his lips on the other’s. He was too focused trying to imagine Luke’s face that he realized he was holding his breath and hastily pulled away in his need of oxygen. He breathed in as much as his lungs could take then waited for the other’s reaction. Metawin realized dreadfully what the silent meant, his eyes bulging as he watched Bright blinking his eyes rapidly.
“W-Who is it?”
Metawin wondered how long it would take for him to drown.
“It’s me.” Bright said weakly, visibly panting.
“Oh God.” Metawin sputtered then stood up quickly, the sudden movement made the boat sway.
Bright held out his hands towards him. “Hey, Metawin, calm down.”
“Listen, I’m really sorry,” Metawin did feel sorry. He then added regretfully, “I should have asked first but I couldn’t really think at that moment and just w-”
“Metawin?” Bright called him, cutting him off. “It’s not like I mind, really.” he told him, again with a nonchalant shrug that made something inside Metawin stir but he couldn’t be sure what it was.
“I’m embarrassed.” Metawin said after a pause, he distantly felt the boat had stopped swaying.
“I think that’s only natural.” Bright said with a laugh, for the first time since they arrived.
Metawin buried his face in his hands. “Can you shut up for a moment and let me be embarrassed in peace?”
“Sure.” He didn’t get to see the amused grin on Bright’s face.
The growl from Metawin’s empty stomach broke the silence and if he’d heard it, Bright didn’t say anything about it. It was a shame that they had to leave the place because Metawin had actually begun to love being in the middle of nowhere. It was peaceful, a perfect place to clear his head, away from the bustling crowd and a busy city but Metawin would also love a warm tom yum soup with prawns cooked perfectly right now.
Bright turned the boat engine on. “Shall we head back? It’s getting dark.”
Naturally, Metawin agreed. “Yeah, let’s go.”
-
“You’ve been quiet.” Luke looked at him with a soft smile on his lips. “Why are you avoiding him?”
Metawin avoided the other’s eyes and stayed silent. It had been a week since their one-day trip and he was beyond mortified even though the intensity had lessened significantly but he still couldn’t bring himself to stare right into those eyes without the image of last week appearing in his head. He thought it was impossible from dying out of embarrassment but last week, his face was so hot that it felt like he would explode. He was silently hoping that Luke wouldn’t take long.
“Because of the kiss?”
Metawin turned his head and shot the other the scariest glare he could muster.
“And you probably wonder why I’m still here,” Luke said and Metawin was grateful he decided to drop the topic altogether. “Let’s say I’m here to say goodbye.”
There was a crease on Metawin’s forehead when he asked, “What do you mean?”
“I’m called to reincarnate soon,” Luke informed him, softly. “Finally.”
“So, it was really the bucket list.” Metawin murmured then there was a pause until a thought popped in his mind. “Wait, but how come?” He was sure it was Bright there at that time.
“You did kiss me that day but only for a few seconds before he switched back.”
Metawin looked at him in disbelief, mouth agape. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I tried to but you seemed so eager.”
“Please don’t say it like that.” Metawin said into his hands.
“Hey, I’m okay with it.” He heard Luke say and looked up.
“What do you mean?”
“If you want to get to know him, that’s fine.”
Metawin took a few seconds to sort his thoughts and came up with, “I don’t know, Luke.” he wasn’t sure if it was appropriate but he vaguely remembered Mix saying that having someone new doesn’t mean it’s a form of infidelity since the relationship had basically ended.
Luke reached for his hands. “Listen, I can feel that your feelings for me are not like how it used to be back when I was still alive. I can feel that your heart is changing, Win, and that’s okay.”
Metawin looked down at his hands in Luke’s then back up at the other’s eyes.. “Is it really?”
“Yes, you’re probably aware of it already, aren’t you?”
Metawin frowned. He wasn't going to tell the other the same thing again. “Are we going to talk about this all day?”
Luke laughed, “Right,” He released his grip on his hands to put a palm on top of Metawin’s head. “Before I go, I want to thank you. Frankly speaking, I felt more alive these past three weeks than the past three years I spent actually alive but not really living.”
There was a bitter smile on Metawin’s face and guilt inside his heart, it was still pretty much the same, except maybe right now he could finally face it. Tears were starting to well on his eyes as Luke went on.
“I owed you an apology for not saying a word about my darkest times. I’m sorry, Metawin, that I can’t be there for you.” The other said quietly, bowing his head. He was so still as he stared at his lap, probably hiding the tears from Metawin’s view.
Metawin shook his head and reached out to grip at Luke’s shoulders. “No, I’ve forgiven you a long time ago. Please raise your head.” he said, squeezing those shoulders, hoping that it would ease whatever Luke was feeling at the moment.
“And finally, it’s goodbye, I guess?” Luke said as he looked up with a tearful smile.
A tear fell from the corner of Metawin’s eye. “Are you sure?”
“Actually it’s I love you and goodbye.”
Metawin watched as Luke's smile faded and his eyes slowly closed before completely going out of Bright’s body. By the time Bright opened his eyes, his mind was still blank until he was suddenly pulled into a hug. Warm. All he could think at that moment was how Bright’s heartbeat was calming. It was such a shame that he couldn’t say anything until the very end. Words stuck at the back of his throat but he knew Luke pretty much had a sense of understanding of what he was thinking. He was always an attentive lover.
“It’s okay.” Bright said with a soft tone of voice like one would use to a child. Metawin felt a hand rubbing circles on his back and he thought he could stay like this for a moment until he completely let go.
-
“Are you okay?”
Metawin paused for a brief second before he continued tapping his fingers absently at the screen of his phone on the table. He wasn’t feeling particularly sad or anything, just letting everything sink in but his best friends didn’t need to know that. He just hoped it was convincing enough for them, even though it was never easy losing someone--for the second time. Metawin was stronger than he was two years ago.
“Never been better.” he opted to say.
Mix looked at him, hard. “You sure?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Metawin titled his head.
“If you say so.” Mix murmured then went back to a plate of crispy pork in front of him.
“The line was so long!” First complained, dropping a plate of a similar menu then himself in the empty seat next to Khaotung.
“Sorry for the wait.” Metawin felt a presence next to him, it was Bright pushing a plate of his crispy pork into his vision. He turned his head to his side and thanked the guy who had been hanging out with them these days after the one-day trip. Metawin was glad that it all turned well, honestly.
“Bright, why didn’t you get us a drink too?” Khaotung said playfully but that didn’t stop Metawin from sending him death glares across the table. “I was kidding!” his best friend said in his defense, looking at him like it was weird that Metawin was the one getting offended. When he looked for Bright’s reaction, the guy didn’t show much.
“Hey, the food here is not that bad.” First’s voice unintentionally shifted their attention.
Metawin scrunched his face then turned to Khaotung. “What do you mean it’s not that bad? We probably have the most delicious food in the campus, right Khao?”
“It’s really not that bad.” Bright agreed, looking thoroughly pleased.
Metawin was genuinely confused. “Are you serious?”
“He always eats in the engineering faculty since he doesn't have any friends.” First said like it was some sort of an announcement that everyone should hear.
“Oh, explains.” Mix broke his silence.
“Mix!” Metawin didn’t mean to raise his voice. Again, why was he so offended?
“Well now he has us. Why the fuss?” Mix chided, giving him the same look as Khaotung gave him a few moments ago.
Khaotung gave him a side-glance, the smile on his face was teasing. “Even though someone was freaking out at the beginning.”
“Shut up.” Metawin looked down on his plate, his face blushed a dark shade of red.
“It was totally understandable. I’ve told him that.” Everyone had gone to be busy chattering among each other as they took their time finishing their lunch after that. Metawin realized that his impression of the guy was completely different from when they first talked to each other that day. He wouldn’t have thought that Bright would want to hang out with him and his friends even after Luke left and he had absolutely no obligations but Metawin appreciated the companion if anything, he probably more than enjoyed it.
“Thanks for walking me home.”
Bright only looked up at the building and narrowed his eyes, as if something was trying to get his attention. “Actually, can I come over?” he was looking past Metawin’s shoulder distractedly when he turned around to give him a confused look.
“Huh? Sure.” he said, a bit uncertain of what was the intention because it was the first time Bright asked to come over.
“Do you want to stay for dinner?” Metawin asked him when they stepped into his room. He cringed at the laundry scattered over his bed and walked over to gather it in a basket quickly before Bright could notice them.
“I would love to.” Bright nodded but somehow still looking so distracted that Metawin wondered what it was that made him distracted. He followed where the guy was looking at the blank wall in front of him and that was when Metawin realized it probably had something to do with the spirits.
Metawin’s voice was shaking when he asked, “What is it?”
Bright didn’t answer but instead he went around the room and out to the balcony. Metawin didn’t want to know what he was doing out there but it felt spine-chilling to be left alone, knowing there might be a possibility of a spirit around him. He decided to wait where he could see Bright so he didn’t feel alone even if it was his own room that he had lived in for almost 2 years.
Bright opened the door to the balcony and stepped inside the room after a while. “There was, uh, a spirit following you. Must be from the lake.” he informed him, the hesitation apparent on his face.
Metawin jumped from the bed, pressed against Bright. There was a trickling cold fear down his spine after his assumptions were proven true. “Are you kidding? If yes, it’s not funny.”
“I wish I was.”
Metawin scanned the room as he could see it. “Where is it now?”
Bright unconsciously raised his hand to pat Metawin’s shoulder twice in a reassuring manner. The action in this proximity provided security to Metawin. “I’ve got her to go back to where she’s from.”
“So, she’s not here anymore, right?”
Metawin turned his head, wondering why Bright was silent then met with a pair of eyes. Their faces were so close. “She’s gone now.” Bright said, just above a whisper and he didn’t move away.
“Are you sure?” Metawin avoided his eyes, his mind went back to that time at the lake. “Bright, can I ask you something?”
Bright only nodded.
“Look, that day at the lake… nevermind.” Metawin trailed off then stepped away from Bright’s personal space. “I’m sorry.”
Bright looked at him. “Why did you apologize again?”
“I thought you might still feel uncomfortable.” Metawin thought he was being too considerate and that he should really not talk about it anymore since it made the situation more awkward.
But what Bright said next confused him, “Do you call that a kiss?”
“Huh- what?” Did Bright really expect him to answer that? Because it would be embarrassing as hell.
“Was that even a kiss?” Bright repeated and Metawin didn’t know what to do with that question or what the other was trying to say.
Metawin raised an eyebrow. “Then, what do you call a kiss exactly?” he asked, almost innocently, which then he regretted and wished he could take back.
“Didn’t you and Luke kiss before?”
“No, never. That day in the lake was my first…”
Bright groaned. “Oh, really.” Metawin could almost hear the frustration in his voice but before he could say anything, he was pulled by waist closer towards Bright. His breath hitched when their noses were just a breath away from touching. Metawin didn’t dare to look into the other’s eyes, knowing what might come and instead, he screwed his eyes shut then felt a soft press of lips against his mouth a second after.
It was innocent enough at first until Metawin felt a surge of courage to kiss back and Bright started to deepen the kiss. Metawin looped his arms around Bright’s neck for purchase and felt the grip on his waist tightened as the kiss got heated when tongue was involved. Metawin felt lightheaded but couldn’t find it in him to stop, not when their lips slotted together like they were meant to be but how did he know exactly?
When they pulled away, Metawin’s eyes were still shut, his could hear his own heart drumming in his ears. He didn’t think he would experience something like this with Bright, not even in his wildest dreams.
“How was that?” He heard Bright ask, voice so close to his ear. His breath fanned the side of his neck.
“Are you seriously asking me that right now?” Metawin asked softly like someone else might hear him.
There was a grin on Bright’s face when Metawin opened his eyes to look. “What would you give out of ten?”
He copied the grin then replied, “Ten out of ten.”
“I’m still starving, though.”
Metawin shoved Bright away to make a way to the kitchen and looked inside the fridge for ingredients he might be able to use to make dinner while hoping it would be enough for two. From the kitchen, Metawin could hear Bright’s voice saying, “Oh, by the way, Nakonpathom is my hometown.”
-
“Oh? Bright’s not here?”
First arrived, obviously been running from the engineering faculty after receiving a text from Metawin and somehow it reminded him of the puppy at the neighborhood back in his hometown.
“I was about to ask you.” Metawin waved the phone in his hand. “Do you know where he is? He’s not picking up his phone.”
First looked at his phone before muttering, “Ah, he must be there.”
“There?”
That was how Metawin found himself in Bright’s house, waiting. First didn’t seem to be surprised when they found that the house was empty, considering how many times he’d made good use of the spare key but Metawin should have expected it from how the door was locked. Bright didn’t come back until two hours later which was plenty enough for Metawin to find out all sorts of things.
“I’m sorry.” Metawin’s voice shook at the edge. He was hoping that Bright wouldn’t notice.
If Bright was surprised, he didn’t show it. His gaze softened as he said, “Don’t beat yourself up for it.”
“But in your mourning time, I shouldn’t have asked- you shouldn’t have helped Luke-” Metawin broke down and went over to hug Bright. “I’m really sorry.” he said, trying to swallow around a lump in his throat.
“It’s not anyone’s fault, okay?” Metawin heard Bright sniffled quietly and tightened his hug.
“First told me…” Metawin said when he found his voice and it was just the two of them in the house. First had gone back home to give them privacy to talk, he said.
He only gave a nod of his head. Metawin wished Bright would express whatever he was feeling more. “What else did he tell you?”
“I don’t want to open up an old wound.” Metawin fiddled with the hem of his shirt nervously contemplating whether to say or not to say.
“Please,” Bright sucked in a deep breath and exhaled. “It’s been healed a long time ago.”
“You were bullied in the fifth grade until you were in high school.” Metawin stated in one breath.
“Was that all?”
“You were bullied because of your ability.” Metawin sighed, recalling the memories of when they first talked to each other.
“Well, it’s pretty freaky, you see?” It was either Bright was really nonchalant about it or he had gotten used to all the harassment and bullying that he didn’t feel the need to care.
Metawin shook his head. “It’s not once you get to know about it.” he argued.
“No one’s ever wanted to go that far, Metawin,” Bright was looking straight into his eyes when he said that. “Well, there’s First.” Of course, he was thankful for First.
Metawin stared right back at him when he added, “And me.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Dead sure I am.”
The next thing he knew, Metawin was engulfed in a hug. He was secretly hoping that they could be a source of each other’s warmth and happiness after a long suffering, like a sliver of light through the clouds after the rain.
-
After a while, Metawin finally got to open the diary. He spent half of the class staring at the crossed out items in the bucket list.
“Let’s go home.”
He quickly closed the book when Bright crept up behind him, hoping that the other didn’t see what he had just added into the list, then made as if he was busy preparing to go home. Bright sat in the empty seat next to him and waited. “Hey, can I come over?” Metawin heard the guy say, then turned his head to look at him before giving him a nod.
It felt like deja vu. It was only last week that Bright came over because there was a spirit that apparently was following him from the lake at the resort in Nakonpathom. Metawin got into the elevator, wondering why Bright wanted to come over. “The last time you wanted to come over there was a spirit following me.” he said when a man who lived just a floor down got off and it was just the two of them inside the metal cubicle.
“Are you scared?” There was a teasing smile when Bright said that was bordering on annoying. “That’s not it this time. I just want to spend more time with you.” and Metawin would certainly be annoyed if he saw it in a circumstance where he didn’t know Bright yet.
The elevator made a dinging sound and the door slid open but Bright reached out to press the close button before they could get off. Then, Metawin saw he pressed the highest level. They had to climb the stairs to get to the rooftop and that was when Metawin became aware of what Bright was on to.
“No way,” Metawin said, blinking rapidly in disbelief. “You read it, didn’t you?”
“I have to admit I had a glimpse of it.” Bright replied as he rubbed the back of his neck.
“Oh my god,” Metawin groaned. “Now what?”
“Complete your bucket-list?” Bright said like he needed a reassurance or some kind of courage that what he was doing was right.
Metawin gave a side-glance. “If it’s just to do that then don’t bother.”
“I’m kidding, please,” Bright took his wrist when he was about to turn around and leave. “Stay for a moment.”
Metawin had always liked chilling on the school’s rooftop during recess or when he felt like skipping History that was somehow always put in the second period but he never really got the chance to hang out at the apartment’s rooftop and find out how it was always pleasing to feel the wind blowing on his face and ruffle his hair.
“Who would have thought you were a romantic?” Bright spoke which interrupted Metawin’s thoughts.
“Shut up.”
“It’s cute, actually.”
Metawin shot him a glare. “Bright.”
“I want to see more of it.”
Blood rushed to Metawin’s face at the statement. “Why is it getting so hot in here?” he said, flapping the collar of his shirt which was completely useless.
Bright laughed before he took a deep breath and said, “Metawin.”
Metawin hummed in reply.
“After going through all of that, do you still want to be with me? I mean, you’ll have someone who had been bullied half his life and you might want-”
Metawin decided that he didn't want to indulge Bright in his insecurities and went over to give him a peck on the mouth and shut him up. “I’m sure I can decide for myself. Thanks.” he said then looked away, unable to see the stunned look on Bright’s face after what he had done to him.
“You…” He heard the other said, there was a hint of smile in his voice. “Would you be my boyfriend?”
Metawin was still avoiding Bright’s eyes when he nodded.
“Yes!”
“That’s all? Your celebration?” He turned his head and his heart skipped a beat when he saw probably the biggest smile on the other’s face. Bright looked so beautiful under the orange sky light, casting shadows across his face that made him look angelic and unreal. His hair fluttered in the wind looked soft that Metawin unconsciously reached out to take the strands between his fingers.
Bright pulled him by the waist. “Want to celebrate together then?”
“That’s weak,” Metawin let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob, he was crying. “But yes, please.” he said before he kissed him and felt Bright’s smile against his lips.
-
The time read a half past five when Metawin slowly awakened from his deep sleep and gradually became aware of his surroundings that were relatively new for him. He sat up on the bed to look at the brown card boxes scattering around on the floor and heaved an exhausted sigh. He scratched his forehead with the back of his thumb, he needed to unpack.
“It’s too early to care about these boxes.” a voice behind him said, thick with sleep.
“There is my stuff inside. I need to find my toothbrush.” Metawin replied, having decided that he would go out of the bed to start the day. He needed to make sure he got rid of his morning breath at least. “And unpack.” he added and ignored a pair of arms that sneaked around his waist.
“Can we do it later?” He could feel Bright’s face snuggled up against his back.
Metawin paused to think before giving in to the temptation to be in the warmth of the other’s embrace completely. “Fine.”
Bright pulled him backwards, sounding too excited like he received his Christmas present. “Get back here.”
They slept some more until it was 8 or so Metawin thought. There was a rustling next to him before a gruff voice asked him, “What time do the guys come?”
“Probably at ten but-” The doorbell rang, effectively sending him into panic. “Bright, it’s ten.”
Metawin ran to get the door and let Mix, Khaotung and First get inside and before they could say anything, he scurried to the bathroom where Bright was brushing his teeth. His toothbrush was still in one of the card boxes. What idiot would pack their sanitary in a card box with other stuff? Metawin, that’s who. Before he could turn around to get his toothbrush, though, Bright caught his hand and pulled out his toothbrush out of nowhere.
“Were you two so busy that you didn’t get to put all these stuff away?” Mix gave him a judging stare across the room after he got out of the bathroom.
“You are here for a purpose.”
“That I didn’t decide for myself.” Mix deadpanned.
Despite the complaint, Mix was already halfway towards the living room to sort out the card boxes with Metawin’s clothes and miniature car collections.
Metawin gave his best friend a smile. “Oh yes, you did.”
“From zero to metawin, how whipped are you?” Khaotung came up with a question suddenly when they were sitting in a circle on the floor in the living room. The floors were mopped so clean that they could see their reflections on the surface, thanks to Khaotung. “I mean, you moved in with your boyfriend and that makes the distance to the university further than it was before.” he added when everyone was silent.
Mix burst into a fit of laughter. “Love makes people stupid.” he stated.
No one seemed to care enough to be offended, certainly not Bright. It was unlikely for him to get offended by that. They dispersed to do something on their own after they finished with dinner and Metawin was left with the dishes. First came up behind him to take over and said something about Bright wanting to talk to him outside, being serious and all, so he left First with the dishes and rushed outside.
“I will let my mom know how well you take care of me.” Bright said when Metawin closed the door behind him and went to sit on the empty chair just next to one where Bright was sitting.
Metawin’s forehead creased. “Isn’t it the other way around?”
“We take care of each other.”
There was no one who suffered the most between the two of them and it was not that of a competition. The most important thing was how they both could help each other to heal and learn. Metawin would learn to not make the same mistake by taking care of Bright so he didn’t have to go through what Luke had gone through and if there was someone who knew the pain of losing someone they loved so well, it would certainly be the two of them.