Work Text:
As I Have Always Been
The healing chamber opens for the – I don’t even know how many times at this point – and I hop down, my boots hitting the floor with a distinct thud, waking Daniel Sousa from what looks like a very uncomfortable sleeping position.
“Hey, what are you doing up?” This isn’t the first time he’s asked me this. It may not be the last.
Clapping my hands together, I decide to be honest with him, even as crazy as it sounds. “Uh… well, believe it or not, I’m stuck in a time loop, and I’m running out of ways to save us all.”
Frustration rolls off me in waves, and maybe it’s the insanity of the words, or the look on my face, but Sousa just seems to roll with it. “Okay. How can I help?”
“There’s no time…” I’m flustered, but he just looks at me. Ever steady, ever present, and I need to confide in someone. “Actually, I can take a loop.”
I drag a chair over to sit in front of him, completely amazed that he’s not even stunned by my revelation. Gesturing back to where I was standing, I ask, “So that wasn’t hard to swallow? The time loop?”
He shrugs and I can’t figure him out. “Nothing seems to faze you.”
His arms are wrapped around his chest, seemingly closing everything out as he answers, “It all fazes me. Maybe not my face.”
Who is this incredible man? He’s been a S.H.I.E.L.D icon. Died too young. Not enough information in the world could have prepared me for the man he really is. “Every time I ask you for help, you say yes. Even if I don’t ask, you’re waiting here to make sure I rest or… whatever.”
“Why?” My voice cracks slightly, curiosity getting the better of me. “Be honest.”
“Honest?” he asks, and I nod, wanting to know what is going on with him. What is going on with us. When he continues, I’m not sure what to think of his words. “I know your type.”
“My… what, now?”
“I know people like you.” He nods as he speaks, his eyes on mine. “Some of my favorite people are people like you.”
He sucks in a breath and continues. “Focused on the greater good, even at your own expense. You want people to think you like being alone, even though you always end up back with friends. You hate losing.”
How does he know me so well already? We’ve jumped through so many decades, seen so much, that I have no clue how many actual days have gone by, but Daniel Sousa seems like he’s been here with us, with me, forever already. I’m not ready to let him know that he’s pegged me to a tee, so I quip, “Everyone hates losing.”
“Yeah, but you’ll keep running at the problem full-tilt until you either… solve it or slam headlong into a brick wall.”
He really does have me figured out. Somehow, I’m an open book to him and he’s read me from cover to cover already. “Some of those walls are literal.”
“I know.”
“But how does that…”
He interrupts me, knowing the question before I even ask. “Because when people like you run into those walls, you should have someone there to pick you back up.”
Sousa’s words hit me hard and I straighten, wanting to make sure I understand. “And you…you’d like to…be that someone?”
“Not for everyone.” He stares at me, his message clearly reflecting in them. “It helps if they’re fun to be around and if they say what they mean and if they have that superpower where they can rock things around, which is very impressive.”
He makes me smile. I haven’t felt like this in forever. Haven’t wanted to trust anyone with my heart in so long. But he’s not just any guy wanting to protect a girl. He does that well, that’s clear enough. He’s watched over me. Saved me from Hydra. Brought me back to my family. My team. But, it’s more than that. He sees me for who I am, and if I understand what he’s saying, Daniel wants to be that soft place I land. Where I can be safe after the day’s events. It’s an intriguing thought, and I need to clarify it. “That’s, um…that is awfully specific.”
“Mm-hmm.” He knows he’s said enough. Knows that we are running out of time… both for this loop and in general, and it’s time to get down to business. “So, what’s this problem you’re trying to crack.”
*
We weren’t fast enough. I wake up in the healing chamber, my hand smacking against the button that opens the lid. Hopping down, I wake Sousa when my boots clang against the ground.
“Hey,” he says, his voice full of concern. “What are you doing up?”
He’s forgotten the previous loop. Has no idea what he shared with me before. This is so hard. Explaining everything to everyone in each time loop. I give up trying, saying, “I need you to do something for me.”
I expect questions, pushback, something other than what he does.
“Of course,” he agrees, immediately standing up, ready to assist. He trusts me implicitly. Concern masks his face. “What do you need?”
It takes me by surprise, and without giving it another thought, I step toward him, my hands pressing against the tailored blue shirt he wears, my lips touching his, kissing him. When I pull back, I don’t know what reaction he will have or if this even makes sense to him, but it’s just something I needed to do. He stares at me, and he’s right. If he’s fazed, his face doesn’t give anything away. His hands settle at my waist, pulling me to him, and we kiss again for one long moment. It has a hint of things to come. Of promise. Of what could be. If only we can get out of this hellhole time storm. When we part, I smile gently at him. “That was nice.”
Daniel stares at me, slightly stunned by this unexpected turn of events. I’m not even sure how to explain it all to him, and I realize now is not the time as I add, “Now we have to trap a space robot.”
He leads Enoch away. We get the thing out of Jemma’s head and she reveals the answer. If we’re going to save ourselves, Enoch will die.
*
It’s the final time loop. It’s now or never, and Enoch sacrifices himself for the greater good of our team. Without question. There’s no debate. He just hands over the displacement device to Jemma and Deke, knowing what it means for himself. Coulson and I sit with him, stay with him until the end. His words haunt me long after he’s gone. But Agent Johnson… while your friends will indeed survive, the team will not.
I don’t know how we won’t be together after this is over. Or how I’ll even be able to go on, not having Coulson and May, Fitz and Simmons, Mack and Yo-Yo, and even Deke, by my side. They are my family. The only constant I’ve had in my life. It’s hard to fathom.
Daniel Sousa finds me back at the healing chamber. He’s confided things to me that he doesn’t remember, right here in this room. Kissed me, right here in this room. Now, he says nothing, only reaching for me, pulling me into his arms, and for a moment, I forget everything but this man. My soft place to land.
The end