Chapter Text
It's been a few weeks since the Games and I'm sinking into the abyss. The weight of the darkness is crushing me. Not just from loosing Cato but because for the first time I'm letting myself feel the weight to my parents deaths. I'm letting myself feel Terras death. It might be crushing me from the inside.
"Phoenix." Katniss shakes my shoulder. "It's time to go hunting." She says.
"Okay." I answer. I get up and turn to Katniss. "Let's go."
"Yeah. Madge is meeting us." Katniss says. "She wants to learn."
"Okay sounds good." I say. I haven't seen Madge very much since I returned home. I blush slightly and shoo Katniss out of my room. I change quickly and grab my money bag. I hurry down to join Katniss. "You ready?"
"Yeah." Katniss answers wolfing down some bread.
"You guys have the money?" Mrs Everdeen asks.
"Yeah see you this afternoon mom." Katniss says. She's been warmer to Mrs Everdeen since I've returned. I think she decided that if she lost her best friends she'll need someone.
"Ash Haymitch asked for some more white liquor." Mrs Everdeen says. "You better not be drinking it with him."
"I'm not." I promise. "I just give it to him and clean up his house."
"Well it's good for you to get out." Mrs Everdeen says. She exchanges a glance with Katniss. They're worried about me. I can tell. I carefully braid my hair back. I've been leaving it loose when I'm not hunting. It's the one good thing that came of the Games. I'm worried about me. I'm sinking into a deep abyss that seems endless.
"Yeah." I force a small smile. "I'll see you guys soon. Drift should be up soon."
"Yeah I'll have breakfast ready. Speaking of breakfast, you need to eat it." Mrs Everdeen passes me some bread. The good bakery bread. It's Drifts birthday tomorrow maybe I'll splurge a little and buy her a bakery cake.
"Hey Mo- Mrs Everdeen." I correct myself quickly. But she is like my mom. "It's Drifts birthday tomorrow and she's always loved the cakes. Do you think I could maybe buy her one today?"
"I think that's a great idea." Mrs Everdeen says. "Mind taking Prim after you're done hunting?"
"Of course not! We will make it an outing." I say.
"Yep. Us and Prim." Katniss smiles. I choke down the bread and nod towards the seam.
"Let's get going." I say. We leave and hurry to the mayors house. Madge is waiting for us and smiles at us. "Hey Madge."
"Hey Ash." Madge smiles at me. I smile back. I can't help but brush a curl back.
"Come on. Let's stop by our houses." Katniss says. I'm glad to have a buffer. We hurry to our houses and I slip into my hunting boots and my hunting jacket. It used to be my dads and its slightly too big for me. I step out and hurry to the meadow to wait for Katniss and Madge. They join me after a few minutes.
"Alright, lets get going." Katniss says. We slide under the fence and hurry into the woods. We split up to retrieve our bows and I walk to our normal spot. I automatically start looking for a tree and get my bow ready. The Games have left me on edge.
Madge comes into view and I can't help but smile as she nervously holds the bow. I walk over to her and gently fix her quiver. I gently take her hand and readjust the bow in her hand. We stand there for a few seconds just staring at each other from a few inches away when Katniss joins us.
"Okay lets get going." I say shakily. I step away and start into the woods. Katniss and Madge follow me and I start towards where the birds nest. Turkeys aren't too abundant right now but they will be in a few months. We can afford the butcher meat now but I guess some sort of guilt keeps me hunting for the Hawthornes. After all they would be taken care of if it wasn't for me.
Katniss pauses to shoot down a bird and collects it. She sets it in her game bag and we start for our snares. It's easier to hunt for a single family so we don't have to spend as much time in the woods. I spend more time in the woods though because it still feels like home and I can hide in the woods in a tree and only Katniss will come looking for me. I pull back an arrow and shoot a bird, at the last second the bird turns into Gale and I stumble back into a tree gasping for breath. Hunting has gotten harder. Katniss reaches me first and gently rubs my back. Madge kneels in front of me and blocks Gales body from view.
"It's not real." She says softly. She's right. He's already gone. Tears blur my vision. I've spent the past few weeks of celebrations avoiding crying because the cameras were still rolling. I can't cry but I do. The tears spill over and they both hug me while I silently sob. I'm finally breaking but at least I have people to help hold me together.
After a little I manage to pull myself together and we start for the snares. I pick up the bird and clean my arrow. I slip it back into my quiver and find the first snare. Our snares aren't as good as Gales but no ones are. We collect them and carefully reset them so we can collect tomorrow's too. We start back for Twelve. I pass Katniss the game in my bag and slide under the fence.
"You have the money for the Hawthornes?" I ask. She nods. "Okay. I'll meet you by the bakery?"
"Yeah see you there." Katniss says. We slide under the fence and Madge follows me into the Hob. It's odd having an empty game bag and a full bag of money when I walk into the Hob.
I try to hit all the stalls and spread my money evenly. I've got to help the district. I buy a few bottles of the white liquor for Haymitch. I understand him better now and I want to make sure he's always well stocked. I lead Madge to Greasy Saes stall and buy us some soup. We eat it slowly and I smile at the peacekeepers. They've been nice since I've returned.
We eat our soup hurriedly and I take Madge back home. I walk to the bakery and lean against a building as I wait for Katniss. She appears soon with Prim in tow. I smile and we walk in. We carefully pick out a cake we think she'll like and start taking it back to our house.